Disclaimer: Your author in training, heflo, owns nothing. That isn't true. She owns nothing except for: her pride, her crappy cell phone, her beloved chapstick, and her deserved right to rebel.
Day four…
Was it just her, or were things suspiciously going way different than she'd thought it would? Waking up in that peaceful thoughtlessness, she found herself looking at a smiling Zuko. He looked like he'd just won the lottery, his eyes trained on hers as she blinked in confusion.
Asking if he was alright, he nodded, saying in a raspy yawn that it had been a good dream. A really good one. Though they were still in close contact, they now faced each other. She didn't even realize that their hands were intertwined as her lids drooped. But he was. He was testing just how exactly how far he could go. In his mind, the thought that kept questioning was: Why is she alright with this?
She didn't question him, knowing just how exactly good some guys' dreams were. That had been a mistake of hers when she'd asked her brother and some of the male patients. Men were sometimes just too bluntly honest. Sometimes good, and sometimes not.
She'd rolled over and dozed a while, being slightly aware as her heat source jumped out of bed and left the room. In her restful state, she dreamed lightly until she woke up again to the smell of something delicious.
Following her nose, she found herself standing in the kitchen, an impressed gleam shining in her blue orbs. Zuko stood near the stove, flipping something that looked suspiciously like pancakes. Shirtless, he looked wonderful at ease as he picked up a pair of plates and loaded them high. As he strode toward the table, her eyes jumped down to his middle. And the scar that his sister had given him. The one he'd taken for her. Her chest constricted as she remember that moment in time, his yell as he dove in front of her. He wouldn't have done that if he hadn't cared. Or…would he? Why exactly had he done that for her of all people? The person that had probably given him more crap than any other? (Well, she hoped she surely hadn't.)
And why had he kept her cover secret over there seven years ago?
"I hope you don't mind, but were out of maple syrup. So instead, chocolate syrup is a good as it gets for improvising…I hope."
He had to be kidding her. He'd made breakfast? Former banished prince of the firenation, master firebender, former tea server and refugee, sword master, war hero, avatar's firebending teacher and friend, widower, pancake chef…
That had to be one of the most whacked out resumes she'd ever seen.
As she approached, she realized with surprise that her mouth was watering, and that pecans studded the golden brown pancakes. Where had those come from? She'd done a through examine of the kitchen earlier yesterday—how could she have missed those? Kneeling at the low table, she noticed it was set for two.
Without much sound at all, he moved up around her, and handed her a serving dish full of delectable looking chocolate. She noticed that as she poured on the desired amount, he breathed out, and her plate a slight steam rose of her dish.
"What made you even think about cooking when you got up? Didn't have other priorities? And why are you smiling like that?"
"The answer to your first question would be because I was hungry. And why would I wake up an exhausted waterbender, who's got less than a wall standing in the way of herself and a torrent of cold water?"
"Ooh, so true." Her lip curled. A fuzzy feeling filled her as the shared a smile.
"So… do you think I did well enough? For breakfast, I mean."
"It looks okay, but I haven't tasted it. Hey, you would have needed flour to make those…?"
He changed the subject. "You talk in your sleep by the way."
Working around her, he picked up a fork and knife, neatly slicing a bite sized piece.
"Huh? What are you…? Hey! I do not—"
He chose that opportunity to insert the utensil into her mouth. Eyes widening, she chewed as the fork disappeared, and he went to cut more.
It was good. Her taste buds praised his effort, and she turned to take her fork. That fuzzy feeling expanded, making her feel joyful and light.
But he wouldn't give it to her. As she reached for it, he held it out of her reach. Annoyed and hungry, she gave that up, taking his. Switch-a-roo, as it's called. (For those of you who are wary of sharing things, too bad. There are enough people in the next block over that call you a loon—I don't have to. More ranting in the Author's comment.) They'd shared enough meals, there wasn't that awkward eww-you've got-icky-germs-and–La-knows-what-else-on-you. Actually, they'd split just as many together as they'd hadn't in each other's company.
"Impatient, aren't you?"
She nodded as she savored breakfast. He laughed softly, taking his place at the adjacent side of the beautiful, low wood table. He watched her instead of staring of right away, leaning back with a passive look adorning his features.
Once they finished breakfast, she was still curious.
"What'd I say?"
"Just mumbles."
"I still don't have the answer for the question I just asked."
"Fine. You said something about, hmm… how did you put it? 'Thank La for electric blankets?" He mocked with an impression as he polished off the last bite. She locked gazes with him, before he rolled his eyes. "I'm just kidding you Katara. You said you brother's name in your sleep."
"Oh." That relieved her. Somewhat.
"You don't have to worry about him so much, Katara. He's a grown man now. He can take care of himself. He's married, so now he's Suki's charge."
"You're probably right, but I don't think I'll ever stop worrying Zuko. Have you heard Suki's pregnant? I'm still sorta shocked about that."
"Sokka's going to be a dad? Whoa. Somehow, that worries me. The terrible comedian with the meat obsession as a father? He's probably going to give the kid his old boomerang instead of a stuffed toy. Or maybe he'll insist that Suki stay in bed until the baby's born. There's always the possibility Sokka will finally realize that he's becoming a father in the third trimester. Has he realized it isn't just a fantasy? I seem to recall an affinity to cactus juice…."
Her eye twitched. Only she could question Sokka's maturity. And only she could say thing like that. "Don't say that about him. He might be a bit behind in common sense, but that doesn't make him stupid."
"I'm just saying."
"Besides, if that happens, I'm going to have to head that way to help him back into sanity."
"You never know, Katara. He might have just found a possible money marketer. Just think—you're brother would have his own cactus juice factory." He alleged jokingly, smiling at the sheer idea of his friend achieving that.
"Hmph. Like that'll ever happen. That'll be the day I realize I'm madly in love with you." She teased back, shaking her head.
"Well, you never know." He said with a glint in his eyes. "That day might actually be sooner rather than later."
"It'll never happen, Zuko."
"And why not?"
"Trust me. It won't." She said as she remembered their social class differences.
A wounded look struck his expression, surprising Katara speechless. Had she… hurt his feelings? That was sorta humbling. The young woman was wondering how to fix this when he went to passive as his jaw locked and he cocked an eyebrow. He finished his drink and nodded. "Right. And I'm just some person that got randomly plunked here in this house for the benefits."
The insulted waterbender got to her feet and set down her dirty dishes in the sink, the force almost breaking them. That shouldn't have riled her. She was old enough to keep her cool. She just didn't know the reason why his words had made her angry.
After an hour of sulking in the bath tub, she emerged, feeling ashamed. How childish of her to get upset over one little comment. Then why was it bothering her so much?
She opened the door, finding the black hair man sitting on the floor, breathing deeply in meditation.
"Zuko?"
He ignored her, eyes closed as he meditated.
He didn't turn around. She frowned in frustration, wondering if he'd heard her. The room, which was eerily empty, contained only a low table with candles lined up. Located at the end of the hall. The farthest room away from the bathroom.
She tried again, but he ignored her that time too. For that moment, every third party of this story would have seen two things. A desperate attempt on her part to get his attention—and his form turned away. Eyes opened and focused on nothing in particular.
They would see it wasn't just her who was frustrated, but the firebender too. That both were too stubborn to admit they were keeping in what they really wanted. She, confused and embarrassed, didn't know why she was reacting like this. He, knowing and wanting, was holding himself back. Neither of them knowing what was turmoiling inside the other was.
But irritated, she had walked out and headed for the bedroom.
Anywhere but near the source of her frustration.
She avoided him the rest of the day. She purposely let him make his own meals. Heck, all she'd eaten was what she'd gotten at breakfast. And though it had been a big meal, she was feeling hunger pains now.
It was somewhere after ten o clock, and she was on her side of the mattress, completely aware that Zuko had crossed the boundary. The invisible one separating the mattress split down the middle. He had his leg strewn across hers, and her back was rigid. It was one of the most challenging things she ever done. Not screaming at the top of her lungs in his ear.
And she wanted to so badly.
She couldn't move or he'd wake up. That would lead to more awkwardness and more yelling.
Damn him.
Her bladder was about to explode, and she was being forced to hold it in. Silently, her face contorted at the effort.
After a few minutes, she gave up. Shoving him off, she rolled out of bed, ignoring his confused mutters. In the dark, she felt her way along the hallway, opening the door and taking care of business. In the pitch black room, she washed her hands neatly, and dried them on a hand towel, placing it neatly back to how she'd found it—like she'd done it countless times before. The waterbender dried her hands of and quietly returned to the bedroom. She continued to carefully navigate until she realized that she wasn't in the right room.
She was in the closet. Katara actually gave a small laugh. Now how the hell had she gotten here?
A quiet click and the rustle of material met her ears. Wiping around, she bumped into the wall. Given, it was a small closet, just big enough to walk two steps in one direction. Width wise wasn't much better. Of course she'd bump into the wall. What, you thought it'd been a big walk in closet? She could probably lift her arms and stretch for each of the walls, with maybe a few inches to spare.
As she was opening her mouth, a hard body melded against hers, and she gasped as Zuko backed her completely against the wall. Hands found her face, and then so did his lips. Hungrily. He caught her hands with his own, easily trapping her thoughtless. She gasped again as their lips met, and two things happened instantly. A pooling liquid heat formed in her belly, and she quivered at the sensation. At the age of twenty two, she thought she'd done it all.
How wrong she'd been.
As his breath reached her, she took a whiff and went still.
Was he... drunk?
Right now, she was trapped in a closet with the Firelord. He had had one too many drinks so it seemed, and her treacherous body was betraying her. Her anger was turning into something feverish and demanding. Whimpering, she tried to push him away, but she couldn't. He lavishly kissed her, silently questioning for entry. Cold and unyielding, she turned her head away, her mind yelling at her to get out of there—while her body was demanding she continue.
What had gotten in to him? Why was she reacting this way? With dread, she couldn't do anything as nuzzled her neck. She squirmed in discomfort at the heat curling inside, demanding to be set free. He made a soft noise against her skin, and she suddenly found one of her hands on his back, feeling the rippled muscles that moved as he shifted.
"Let me taste you," a low, raspy voice whispered. "Let me give you heaven."
…what?!
She bit back a moan as he touched her neck, his hand warm as he ventured lower.
"Agni, it's been too long."
Again: WHAT?!
Then it dawned on her.
He thought she was the late Fire Lady. His dead wife. The one she couldn't have saved if she'd wanted too. And he was dreaming. He thought he was seducing the pale beauty he'd married. The one that he'd lost in the same hour as their child.
In horror, her breath was shaky as it became clear to her. Sorrow welled up in her breast, the thought of losing a child chilling her insides frigid. Losing a spouse and a child all at once? The loss would have devastated her. Would have killed her.
This was wrong.
She couldn't let him do this. Even if she was attracted to him, she couldn't pretend to be someone she wasn't to make him happy. She might have come originally to the Fire Nation to do just that, but even she drew the line somewhere. She couldn't continue—couldn't finish what Aang had wanted her to do. Make Zuko happy, that is.
The only thing that would make him happy again was his wife. And their child.
But neither of them would be coming back.
If they did this, she still wouldn't be his wife, nor would he ever want to look at her again. Honorable Zuko wasn't going to ever look at her with respect again if she let him do this.
And that was the thought that made her realize why she'd never married. As his hands touched her waist, she realized that she liked his touch. That she had been liking his touch for years. That she liked everything about him. Had had feelings for him since she'd inwardly become confused about him wanting his uncle to be presentable seven years ago. Since then, she hadn't been attracted to any other guy. Not Aang, not Jet, not Haru. Come to think about it, almost every night, she'd wonder what Zuko was doing. Or what had happened since she'd last seen him. What was the saying? Absence makes the heart grow fonder? Well, hers had.
That made her tense further.
Did she… love… him?
How could she? There was no way it could have just happened. Just no way it could have been since she'd arrived into the firenation. She knew him well enough, but….did she know him enough to call it love?
As he kissed her senseless, memories flitted in her mind. Seconds were eternity, ecstasy unfolding as she realized more and more. Breathing heavily, he nipped her neck, cradling her head in the palm of his hand. She hungrily ran a hand over him, the other one still around to memorize his back.
It must have started when she'd gone there in disguise as 'Kaya'. How many moments had she contemplated about the firebender? He'd helped her when she'd needed it. She helped in return. They'd spent countless minutes alone together, and added up; it was just as much as she'd spent alone with Aang—if not more.
Then he'd become Firelord, and brought his country back to where it was meant to be. Had gained the respect that he'd deserved, having put up with everything he'd probably gone through to achieve the cooperation of everyone. A year later, he'd married. Two and a half years later, he lost his wife and child. And what had she done? She'd done none of the above. She'd hid away from the firenation and her people, kept hundreds of miles between her and her brother and their father, and managed to become a bother to her best friend. Poor Toph was happy when she'd left for the Fire Nation.
She struggled to compose herself, sadness becoming stronger and stronger. He was hurting her. She couldn't measure up to the cool beauty of flawless Mai. She couldn't have really compared in anyway. They were two people on the opposite ends of the spectrum. In personality, appearance, beliefs, morals, hobbies, heritage... The only thing they had in common was the one person they had both gotten to know. Zuko.
And who had he chosen in the end?
Not the waterbender, that was for sure.
"Z-zuko, stop. Please." She whimpered faintly, the hazy feeling fighting to gain control. Despite what her thoughts were, he might not listen to her. "I'm b-begging you, stop it. You been drinking, haven't you? I'm… not Mai, and I could never replace her. I don't compare to her. And I can't give you that, Zuko. If we did, you'd… hate me once you realized… what we did. Please still have enough reasoning in that drunken stupefied brain of yours. I'm n-not your wife. I can't do that to you…"
When he didn't stop, a sob lodged itself deep within her throat. Tears leaked from her eyes, and trailed down her cheeks. She couldn't breathe. It hurt to think she couldn't help him in the way he really needed it. She couldn't compete with someone who was dead. She loved him and it had taken her years to realize it. And now that she knew it, things were clearer. She'd never get the chance to have him. Nor could she make him happy in the way he needed—no; deserved to be...
She felt him tense then, pulling away as he took her face in his hands. Their foreheads touched, and then he kissed her forehead, pulling her to him. She drew in a ragged breath as he held her. Her efforts were useless. In the cover of the dark—and in the firebender's arms—she cried. She tried to stop, but she couldn't maintain it. She wrapped her arms around his neck, as he stroked her hair and shushed her. He wouldn't remember this in the morning, she thought. If he was this drunk, all he'd remember was going to bed and waking up with a terrible hangover. And that made her cry even harder.
But not once did he say Mai's name. Nor did he say the waterbender's. But she didn't comprehend that. All she heard was his endearments and soothing voice. She still thought he was envisioning her as the fire nation woman. In the closed place, she didn't once think he wasn't wasted. That he was making sense of what was happening. Nor did she wonder if he knew exactly what he was doing.
Day five alone with Zuko….
When she woke, she was fully dressed, light streaming in through the large octagon shaped windows. Looking out of said windows was her companion. He had his back faced to her. Vision focusing, she gazed at the firebender, thoughts of last night resurfacing. But she didn't remember the trip between here and the bed. And more importantly, did he remember? For a while, she watched him look out of their confinements.
He didn't turn around, but he spoke to her in a steady tone. Katara closed her eyes and listened, not knowing what else to do. She forced herself to breathe evenly, and she knew from years of practice what not to do. She'd watched enough people sleep to be able to pretend like a pro.
"…The thing is… I never loved Mai. I was impatient, and I didn't realize her thirst for attention. I didn't see her greed. The nobles were staring to offer their daughters hand in marriage—and soon enough, it started to get to me. She should have been everything I should have wanted. But she never was. I was faithful, and I never once betrayed her. But… she didn't honor our marriage. She admitted to me that she'd had several affairs behind my back. And I didn't notice anything out of place."
"I tried to be a good husband, I really tried. But what no one knows is that she grew tired of me. When I found out she was pregnant, I was ecstatic. Hell, I thought it was a happy time—just like everyone else. It wasn't until she was bleeding to death did I find out the truth. She told me I was cold and heartless, that her son wasn't mine. She told me as she died that she'd been having an affair since only a few months after our marriage was consummated. The son she birthed was sickly and deformed. No one but the midwife and I ever saw the poor thing." He paused, and she heard him sigh heavily, soft footsteps falling on the floor.
The mattress dipped, and she breathed in, moving slightly. When people sleep, they're not frozen like a statue, and they don't forget to breathe. To fake sleeping naturally, watch someone who is a good example of how you want to mimic. Sokka being nowhere in your most desirable choices.
"I kept it secret what my wife told me, and I let people think what they wanted. The midwife swore not to tell. She passed last year—she died in her sleep." There was a slight pause, and a warm hand brushed her cheek. It was a real challenge, but she made herself stay relaxed. She didn't react, the warmth of his hand pleasant. This would be the worst time to wake up. The absolute worst timing for him to realize she was awake. She just couldn't believe he was truely believing her attempt at acting. Was she really that good?
"I wasn't ever angry at her either. How could it be so easy to forgive someone for something like that? Mai did one of the worst thing s to me, but I forgave her before she died. How is that possible? I didn't understand for a while the reason why."
"You… don't realize how much you've done. Compared to her—forget it. She couldn't hold a candle to you. Katara, how can you be so hard on yourself? You're beautiful. You're intelligent. You aren't greedy with your time or energy. You're fun to be around. You're creative. You're talented and funny. You could kick my ass if you really wanted to." Laughing softly, his tone held a glimmer of pride. "You are wise in the world and you tolerate my uncle. How can you be only twenty two?" His hand tracked down the curve of her cheek and down her shoulder. "You are so pure and honest. I've never heard a voice so…stunning. Katara, I don't understand you. You took care of people your age and older when you were barely a teenager. You fight for those you care for, and you have compassion for those for don't deserve it. You don't even seem to understand I wouldn't ever wish you to be like her."
Katara was astounded. There were no thoughts or words, no critique as he admitted secrets to her. How could he do it so calmly though? Almost forgetting to breathe, she rolled over, eyes still closed. She could slip. There was no telling what would happen if he knew she was hearing his every word. She didn't want him to know she was awake at any cost. She was inwardly panicking, but her outward demeanor was peaceful.
She'd never felt so close to hyperventilating.
"I kept you safe in the Fire Nation because at the time, it was something thrilling. Something I could have been caught with and punished for. I was curious why you were there, posing as one of the Earth Kingdom girls. You never realized how hard it was to get you escorted. And that made it even more exciting. But once I realized that you were there alone, I began to wonder. Why were you alone? What had happened to the people you had traveled with? Why were you there? What did you have to lose?"
She continued breathing as he spoke, the struggle becoming easier with every word.
"Then that night you broke my uncle out. Then I had some of the answers, but more question appeared. What made you do it? Why were you so determined to complete that reason? How did you get past every other person but me? The overbearing, arrogant prince." Pause. "Why was I so concerned? I saw you out there in the training fields. Some game of tag, huh? According to the rules, I think I won, by the way." Pause. "I've never seen someone so pissed and enrapturing all at the same time. I stepped in because you were just seconds away from blowing it. But once you blood bended, more things came into my mind. How did one girl get such a tremendous gift and how did no one know of it?"
The mattress shifted ever so slightly, and she felt his hand go to her waist. Ignoring the barest passage in between her shoulder and where it was now, she turned her body a little bit more towards him as his hand rested on her body. With as much body contact as they'd had, it felt right. No reason to give him suspicions either. At this point, now she could stop moving around and just concentrate on getting air in and out of her lungs in a natural fashion.
If only this wasn't hard enough. Quietly, she listened as Zuko confided a small truth. It wasn't enough to wake most people. But she moved a fraction to pass as believable. He really did think she was asleep. "You aren't even aware what I'm saying. But….maybe you can hear me in your sleep."
"And then when you showed up in the temple, I thought you looked so much more mature. It had only been a few weeks, but…damnit. Katara, you'd changed…" He sighed, "It was so different seeing you in a place you belonged. With your friends and family, you were at ease. And you surprised me too. I hadn't once thought you'd be the surrogate mother type. I don't know why, other than I never thought about it until I got to see you in action first hand. By the time we left there, I'd gotten to see every side of you. I don't know how long it took, but I found myself wanting to be with you more and more. That was the real reason I came to your room the first time. The first night I got you to open up to me."
"Then the finale battle arrived. I knew I could trust you. I knew you had my back. And I knew it would take us both to take Azula down. What I didn't expect, was to find she'd lost it. She was so sloppy but precise—if that makes sense. Insanity doesn't suit her. Bumi on the other hand…" Pause. Insert heavy sigh.
In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out.
"I'd prepared myself for that battle for my entire life. But I couldn't let her hurt you, Katara. I jumped in front of that because I couldn't allow it. I would have survived it either way, but you wouldn't have. And it was worth it. You found a way to subdue her without hurting her. You came up with that, in what, a fraction of a minute?"
Silence.
"If you weren't sleeping, I wouldn't be telling you this. Of all the things I did, one of the stupidest was letting you go. I want another chance, Katara. I want to show you I can make you happy." She could hear a smile in his voice. "The guard—the one you told me about? I had to try so hard to you that kind of escort. You will never realize what it took to get you to and from. You will never know how worried you had me back then. Or how many hours of sleep I tossed and turned, fretting that it would all be for nothing. This isn't coming out right. Would it be easier if I just said that this might be fate giving us a shove? What I've been trying to get at…" he cursed quietly, and she almost blew it. Almost, but not quite.
"How do I say I want you? What would it take for me to ask your hand in marriage? I'm tired of being alone, Katara, and… I love you."
As he left the room, she opened her eyes, chest tight and aching. Burying her face in the pillow, she forced herself to breathe.
In. Out. In. Out. In. Out.
I'll try to post more soon. :3 ~heflo
