Note 1: I have stolen the title of this one from Andrew Marvell's poem, The Garden.
Note 2: a 'twitcher' is a somewhat negative UK term often misapplied to birdwatchers; the actual meaning is someone who just wants to count as many species as possible, but isn't interested in the actual birds.
Green Thoughts in a Green Shade:
'Are we there yet?' Duo whined. Again. Propped against a sunlit-dappled tree trunk with shafts of sunlight dancing down into his hair, he looked like some sort of forest spirit.
Well.
A very mouthy one in combats and a distractingly well-fitted t-shirt.
Gorgeous, though, even if he was currently bitching about everything. The heat, even this early in the morning; the clouds of small biting insects determined to feast on human flesh; the total lack of coffee shops along the hiking trail because he was craving a caffeine fix.
Maybe this wasn't such a great idea after all. Duo was a confirmed city boy; even after years on Earth, he still wasn't entirely comfortable away from streets and traffic and electricity, but he'd been adamant that he wanted to join Trowa on one of his hikes so – there they were, the two of them in a beech wood with sun slanting through the trees in stripes of vivid gold, deep in the hush of dense forest, dark and shadowed where the light wasn't penetrating through the branches.
'I told you where we were going,' Trowa said, with patience that was only slightly starting to fray at the edges, and pointed upwards through a break in the trees at the peak. 'There.'
'All that way? I'll die,' Duo groaned dramatically.
'Don't be so lazy,' Trowa took a slug out of his water bottle and handed it over. 'Do you good, a nice healthy hike in the fresh air. I thought you liked exercise.'
Duo poured some water into his palm, and splashed it over his face and neck. 'I like nice healthy exercise in a gym with hot showers and a sauna and a juice bar for after,' he said.
'Not schlepping up the side of a mountain in a heat wave.'
'It's not that hot,' Trowa countered, just a bit uncertainly. 'You know, if you really hate it, we don't have to climb all the way up. We can go back home.'
'Nah, I'm just joking,' Duo slurped some water, and gave the bottle back. It's nice, really. Pretty. And we did say we'd try out each other's hobbies and stuff.'
'I know,' Trowa replaced the bottle in his pack. 'But that doesn't mean you have to do something you hate.'
'Oh, please,' Duo snorted. 'If I hated it, you'd know, believe me. I'm just being cranky 'cause you dragged me out of bed at some ungodly hour before the sun even came up, and that was after you'd given me a pretty extensive work-out in bed.'
'I don't remember you complaining. More the opposite, actually.'
'Don't remember you giving me much of a chance,' Duo retorted. 'Plus, I am kind of disappointed. You said we'd see deer and squirrels and stuff on this trail. I haven't even seen a bunny rabbit yet.'
'We might, if one of us wasn't mouthing off at the top of his lungs the whole time and...oh, wait. Look. Ten o'clock on the oak tree; the big one to the right of the trail.' He swung the binoculars from around his neck and gave them to Duo.
'What am I looking…Oh! Oh! What is it?'
'A goldfinch. Pretty, huh?'
'Yeah. Is it rare?'
'Not specially. Not so many of them in woodland this time of year though; they're usually in open countryside, in flocks.'
'Maybe he's lost,' Duo gave the binoculars back, a teasing gleam in his eye. 'Oh, my God. I've just realised; you're a total twitcher*, aren't you? How the hell did I never know that?'
'I'm not a bloody twitcher,' Trowa rolled his eyes. 'I like birds, that's all. Why exactly did you think I had a pair of binos along?'
They'd been a gift from Quatre, years ago. The best model that money could buy, naturally. Quat liked birds, or at least he liked watching colourful exotic ones if he could do so in comfort. Not so much spending hours in a hide in the rain.
'I dunno. Cool stuff. Bears. Dinosaurs. Enemy troop movements.'
'Funny, Maxwell.' Trowa swatted his ass, and swung out on to the track. 'Right, break's over. Move it. Or I'll eat all the food myself.'
'What food? You made us a picnic? Oh, Trowa, that's the most romantic thing anyone's ever done for me!' He batted his eyelashes furiously, trying – and failing epically – to look coy.
'It's just a few sandwiches,' Trowa said dryly. 'What did you think we were going to eat?'
'I dunno. I thought maybe you'd catch a couple of fish with your bare hands or snare a rabbit or something. I mean, you're into all that outdoor survival stuff, right?'
'You know, you have some really weird ideas about me,' Trowa grinned at him.
Duo's eyes glinted. 'So, seriously, never killed little fluffy forest animals with your teeth?'
'Hate to disappoint you, but no.'
'Nah, it's good. I'd hate to let my mouth go near yours if you'd been using it to chomp off baby bunnies' heads or whatever.'
'No bunnies chomped. My mouth is perfectly user-friendly,' Trowa agreed, and then grabbed Duo's hand and pulled him in for a kiss. 'I know this isn't really your thing, so thanks for coming along.'
'No bother,' Duo said easily, leaning in to nuzzle at the corner of his mouth. 'Fringe benefits, huh? And food. I could kind of get used to this.'
'Me too.' He said it lightly enough, but there was a weight to it, all the same.
Six days now since Duo had collected him from the airport, since Budapest. It had been almost totally good.
Way better than good, if he was honest. There was an ease there that hadn't really existed before; both of them lowering the barricades, just a bit, letting the other one in, finding that in some odd ways their jagged edges fitted together, or at least didn't draw too much blood.
Duo seemed calmer; happier, maybe, and they'd been disgustingly domestic. Cooking together in the evenings and settling on the roof afterwards to watch the sunset with a chessboard and a couple of drinks between them, or watching Duo work on his latest project; painting the flea market chairs.
It was great, really, he thought, slowing for a second to admire Duo's back view. Despite all the grumbling about being hot and tired and about to expire due to caffeine deprivation, he'd paced Trowa easily on the long climb up. They didn't talk much on the last stretch; Trowa pointed out some viewpoints and some birds, and at one point Duo half-strangled him grabbing the binoculars to look at a kestrel floating above them.
And then they were walking out of the forest to the little clearing that was one of Trowa's favourite places in the world, the Sanquian foothills spread around them like endless waves on a frozen green sea.
'God, this is gorgeous,' Duo enthused. 'Can't believe this is the first time I'm been up here.'
'Why haven't you? Not like I never asked you.'
Duo shrugged. 'I guess, sometimes me and Heero weren't getting along all that well. I didn't want to dump that on anyone else. And it was kind of his thing anyway; coming out here and going hiking and stuff with you. I think he liked having that to himself without me being around. I didn't want to start muscling in on you guys hanging out. And … I guess it wasn't a lot of fun for me, seeing you all broken-hearted and bitter and shit after Quat.'
Oh.
He'd kind of hinted, before, that maybe he'd had some sort of feelings for Trowa. Never nearly as blatantly.
'Really? When did that happen?'
'Jeez, I dunno.' Duo flopped down on the grass and pulled a grass stem, nibbling it. 'Some time after the war, I guess, 'cause I pretty much hated your guts during it. I used to watch you with Quat. It was nice, the way you were together. Used to think I'd like something like that. Someone who cared that much about me. Never really had that.'
'Not Heero?'
'Oh, well. He did care, in his own way. He just….God, he didn't know what to do with it. He could do these grand gestures sometimes, you know, like rescuing me instead of killing me when he was meant to, and saving the universe and whatever, but he didn't really have a clue otherwise what to do with me. Apart from the obvious.'
'You never tried talking about any of it?'
Duo made a face. 'You do know him, Tro, right? Yeah, I tried. You can probably imagine how that went. Shit, wasn't like I knew what I was doing either, what I wanted. Neither of us had a fucking clue about how to do the whole relationship thing. I used to look at you and Quat, they way you were with each other. I dunno. And then 'Fei hooked up with Zechsy and I guess I wanted something like that, and 'Ro just didn't get it. Why I couldn't just be happy with the way things were, and when I tried to talk about it, we'd end up having a row. So, yeah, that's my sorry story.'
'Have you spoken to him lately?'
'What's to talk about? We're through. He's not around anyway. Been off God knows where for the last week. Supposed to be work but no one knows anything about it and it's not on the system.'
He'd been checking then.
Trowa took out his water bottle and took a long swallow. They were through, Duo and Heero. Duo had said so. He was just concerned about someone he still considered a friend because he was Duo and he thought about people. That was all.
'Not like I want to talk to him, anyway,' Duo went on, sounding like he was trying hard to believe it. 'He's so full of shit. Never says anything worth listening to.'
'Duo? He said something to you, last week, didn't he? Not just the stuff about Quat?'
Duo rolled over on to his stomach, propping his chin on his hands. 'Huh? Oh, that. Yeah, he said some stupid crap.'
'What, exactly?'
It might well have been stupid crap; it probably had been, but it had done something to them. To Duo.
'Ah, look, it was nothing. All the usual stuff he comes out with when he's pissed-off with me. You've heard him often enough. Little bonus this time; about how I'll never nearly measure up to Quat for you; how you're only with me for the one thing, and you'll get tired of putting up with me soon enough, and it's beyond pathetic how much I'm into you.'
'The bastard. God, Duo. You don't believe that, do you?'
He had. Obviously. Part of him had, at least. Trowa got it now; why Duo had launched into boyfriend-from-hell mode for those three days. Duo had been testing him, trying to find out when exactly Trowa would give up on him. Probably at least partly why Duo had let him go to Budapest alone, to see what would happen.
'I kind of did, a bit,' Duo admitted. 'Now, nope. Not so much.'
'Good. So, you're into me, are you?'
Duo grinned. 'Sounds like I must be, yeah. So, what about you? Never looked at my drool-worthy ass when we were kids and thought, fuck yeah, I'd tap that in a heartbeat?'
'Too busy looking at Quat, mostly. Sorry. But yeah, I took a peek now and then. Had the occasional little fantasy, even.'
'You got off thinking about me?' Duo teased. 'Trowa! So, c'mon, give. What was happening in these occasional little fantasies of yours?'
'Tapping your drool-worthy ass, mostly,' Trowa admitted honestly, letting his own mouth quirk upwards. Yeah, he'd been pretty much Quat-obsessed for all those years, but he'd still been a guy. With eyes. Of course he'd looked at Duo sometimes, and wondered. Imagined. 'Putting my tongue up it, maybe.'
'Ew. You are so not going there, Barton.'
'You haven't even tried it,' Trowa counted. 'How d'you know you won't like it? You liked all the other stuff we've done.'
'Huh.' Duo flopped over on to his back, looking up at the clouds. 'D'you not think it's weird talking about this stuff?'
'Talking about sex?' Trowa asked calmly. 'No, it's not weird. It's practical. How else are people supposed to know what they like? Or tell the other person?'
'Uh, trial and error mostly,' Duo admitted. ''Course, me and Heero did pretty basic stuff. I guess you and Quat sat down and he drew diagrams. I know what he's like.'
'There were 3D bar charts, pretty much,' Trowa agreed solemnly. 'Colour-coded.'
Duo laughed. 'God, I can so totally see him doing that. Heero'd have loved something like that. You know him; he likes being told what to do in some situations.' His eyes danced suddenly. 'Listen, I'll tell you something but you can never, never tell anyone, OK? He had this programme he set up on his laptop; how often he needed to have sex.'
'Sorry, what?'
'Ah, it was this projection he did. Totally Heero. Y' know, he'd worked out all kinds of stuff about how he did need occasional sexual release to retain optimum efficiency, and release adrenalin and chemicals in his body, and all sorts of crap, and he calibrated all these stats to figure out the frequency and the times that worked best for him and…what?'
Trowa stared at him, Duo's smile fading as he registered Trowa's expression. 'Duo, that's appalling.'
'I thought it was kind of funny,' Duo muttered. 'And a bit sad, yeah.'
'He used you,' Trowa said flatly.
'Sort of, maybe. But I used him too. It wasn't like I couldn't get him to do it whenever I wanted, when I really tried. He used to be pissed, after though, 'cause I'd messed up his system.'
'He's insane. And probably blind, if he didn't just look at you and want to bend you over every minute of the day.'
'That what you want?'
'Pretty much, yeah,' Trowa agreed huskily. He reached out and brushed his fingers across the delightful curve of Duo's rump, and got it slapped away.
'Don't even, Tro. That's so fucking off limits right now.'
'Off fucking limits, you mean,' Trowa teased and Duo glared at him.
'You're not even half as funny as you think you are.'
'That was still pretty hilarious, though.'
'Yeah, right. And I'm serious about the Access Denied stuff. I'd like to be able to sit at my desk on Monday.'
'You'd better go on top tonight then.'
'Seriously?'
Trowa shrugged. 'Why not?' They'd never really talked about positions, but Duo had never given any sign that he might like to top; seemed more than happy for Trowa to take him. A lot, and with enthusiasm, despite the current complaining. 'It's not something I've done a lot, though. Quat was never into it; used to say it was too much like hard work. You?'
'Me, what? Oh, right. Yeah, Heero let me a few times.'
'He didn't like it?' Trowa guessed.
Duo sniffed. 'Liked it way too much, and hated it that he liked getting his ass fucked by someone who used to whore himself out. Didn't really fit in with his image of himself, that he seriously got off bending over for someone like me.'
'I know I've said this before, but he really is an asshole,' Trowa said firmly. 'I don't have any of those issues, just so you know.'
'Don't have any issues at all that I can see,' Duo muttered. 'So, you said something about food? The least you can do is feed me, after dragging me up a mountain when any normal, sensible person is still in bed.'
'Food, right.' Trowa tugged his backpack over, and undid the straps. It wasn't exactly a subtle subject-change, but then Duo plainly hadn't been that comfortable talking about sex. God knew, he was enthusiastic enough about actually doing it. Or maybe it was just sex-with-Heero he didn't want to talk about. Fair enough, really.
'Just a couple of sandwiches?' Duo teased, surveying the array of Tupperware boxes Trowa spread on the grass. 'Really?'
'You're always saying you're hungry; didn't want you to collapse of starvation on me.'
'Oh, you got plans for me, huh?' Duo's eyebrows waggled at him, as he reached for a chicken leg. 'Tro, seriously, you didn't need to go to all this effort. Thanks, though.'
'No bother.'
'Well, it's great, is all I'm saying.' He pulled his backpack over to use as an impromptu cushion and took a gulping lungful of air. 'So thanks. For dragging me up here and all. Just what I needed after this week.'
'Problems at work?' Trowa asked carefully. He'd asked before, and been fobbed off with Duo's classified shit excuse for not talking about it a couple of times, as if Duo gave a damn about those sorts of rules, and then finally started to drop the odd bit of information, once he realised that Trowa was actually interested.
'Nah, not really. It's just work. Sucks sometimes, you know?'
'Yeah. Duo, why did you ever join Preventers? You told me once you hated the whole idea of them. That you thought they had way too much authority.'
After the war, that had been; probably their first proper conversation ever, eating peaches in Relena's palace, neither of them really able to believe that the war was over. Trowa certainly hadn't been able to believe it; he'd been full of plans for getting Quat out of that hospital and running with him.
'I guess I meant it, then,' Duo said thoughtfully. 'I dunno. I guess Heero was here; OK, he's officially freelance and all, but he does spend most of his time at Preventers. And you and 'Fei and Sally and Noin; it was kind of nice going somewhere I'd know people. Plus,' he sat upright, looking directly at Trowa, very serious for once. 'what I told you, that was true. Agents do have a shit-scary authority; 'specially on the Colonies, 'specially in what they decide are emergency situations. That sort of power can get seriously abused, yeah? They need someone to keep tabs on them.'
'Which is you?'
'Which is Internal Affairs, I guess. Not exactly the best way to make friends but there you go. What about you and your accounting geekery?'
'Kind of the same, I guess. Monitoring people. Keeping tabs on where the money's going.'
Duo grinned. 'Honestly, in a million years I never thought you'd end up as a pen-pusher in an office.'
'Forensic accountant and auditor,' Trowa corrected. 'It was what Quat was studying,' he expanded. 'Business and Accounting. It meant we could take all our classes together. No other reason. Pretty pathetic.'
It was, really, even though he'd ended up actually getting into the subject, discovered he had something of a knack with figures, that the liked the logic behind them. 'Anyway, what about you? Why law? I always thought you'd go for engineering or something.'
'I did,' Duo looked surprised. 'You didn't know? I did six months at MIT. I hated it. I mean, seriously, I knew most of the stuff and I was sitting in lectures with these dumb kids being spoon-fed shit out of text-books 'cause the professors didn't seem to know anything that wasn't in a book. So, I dropped out and I didn't really know what to do, and Heero said I should study law 'cause then I'd get paid to argue for a living. He was kind of joking, I think, but it sounded interesting, something I didn't know anything about, so I gave it a shot and loved it.'
'Yeah. Duo, this whole thing about work. About us being together. It is officially against regulations. Like 'Fei said. Did you mean it, that you wouldn't mind leaving?'
'If there was no other option, then yeah. I guess. I know I complain about my job all the time, but I like what I do. The whole making a difference thing. I do feel I'm doing that, some of the time at least. I do get why they don't want field agents getting involved, but us… I can't see how it's relevant. Honestly, I don't know if anyone will make an issue of it. I never even thought about it 'til 'Fei started on about it. Yeah, like he's the poster boy for rules and regulations. Not. Anyway, how'd you feel about having to quit?'
Trowa sighed, cutting himself a slice of quiche for something to do, to buy time. There were things he liked about the job. Working with friends. Feeling he was doing something valuable, like Duo had said. 'I don't know. I haven't really thought about it.' He'd pretty much forgotten Wufei had ever mentioned it, 'til Quat brought it up.
'Hey,' Duo reached out and squeezed his shoulder. 'How about it's a bridge we cross when we come to it? If it ever happens? Fuck, who the hell cares about what a couple of office guys do? Come on, it's not like we're the only ones. I could name a dozen other people, minimum, who're doing each other.'
'Really?'
'Yeah.' Duo picked a raisin out of the muffin he was eating and flicked it at him. 'You need to get out a bit more, Tro; talk to people the odd time, listen to the water-cooler gossip and shit.'
He ate the raisin. 'I do talk to people. Sometimes.'
Duo tossed him a cherry and a look of pure scepticism. 'Sure you do, man. Like, once in a blue moon, maybe. Hey, I was thinking, now I've climbed your mountain, it's your turn to do something for me. How d'you feel about going clubbing?'
Trowa shrugged without any real enthusiasm. 'Some night, maybe.'
'Nope. Tonight. I've got it all planned. Dinner; bit of dancing. Then you can stay over at my place; it's about time you saw it.'
'You really have got it all planned, haven't you?' He wasn't really sure how he felt about the prospect of it.
'Yep, totally. Come on. Do you good to get out a bit.'
'I do get out.' That, just maybe, came out a bit more defensive than he'd planned. 'I've been out with you plenty of times.'
'Yeah, and you run back to your lighthouse ASAP, usually. Might be kind of nice to do something different for a change. Look, dinner, yeah? One drink at a club; fifteen minutes of groping each other on the dance floor. If you hate it, we'll leave after that. Deal?' Duo grinned at him, all shining violet eyes and that smile and sunbeams playing in his hair.
Damn. Not fair.
Aw, c'mon, Tro,' he wheedled. 'It'll be fun. I'll buy you a nice dinner, anywhere you like; let you majorly feel me up when we're dancing; take you back to my place and officially introduce you to my bed. You up for any of that?'
