Chapter Twelve: The Difference


July 13th, 2016

The first time Morgan ever slept with Dick – or just her first time, period – had been on her nineteenth birthday.

Honestly, it had been brewing between them for several days at that point. Originally, Morgan had been determined to wait until after she came back from her short trip to Denmark, but at this point she didn't care anymore. A weight had settled in her stomach a few days before, telling her that it was now or never. He wanted it. She wanted it. So why wait?

That night, he'd kissed her goodnight by her guestroom door at the Manor, and then he'd left for his own room. Okay, a simply goodnight kiss was understating things. They'd been hardcore making out against her door until he'd pulled back abruptly, leaving her flushing, out or breath and far from sated.

Morgan had been standing outside of her bedroom, at war with herself for a long moment before she'd given in to temptation. At least ten minutes must've passed before she moved again.

This was her last day before she left. If they were going to do this, they were going to do it now.

Her heart was pounding in her chest as she walked down the dark halls of Wayne Manor. The two of them had gone for a long walk that had ended up taking at least an hour longer than they'd planned. They'd gotten back at around eleven at night, which was when Dick had walked her to her door and kissed her goodnight.

The sun had set some time ago and everyone else had gone to bed, leaving the halls dark and deserted. It was fine. She knew the way to his room easily by now, and she'd also like to avoid meeting anyone on the way. Questions would be asked. And she'd probably chicken out.

So the darkness suited her just fine as she sneaked down the halls and up the stairs.

Reaching his room, Morgan saw light seep out from underneath his door and was glad to know that he at least hadn't gone to bed yet. That would've been awkward.

She knocked softly on the wood and swallowed down nerves. This was nothing to be nervous about.

Okay, it was totally something to be nervous about, but she wouldn't be. This was Dick. Nightwing.

She trusted him.

He answered the door a moment later, looking really confused to see her there. He opened his mouth to speak.

Morgan didn't really give him time to. She grabbed hold of the front of the tank top he was wearing and pulled him down, hoping that her kiss would somehow explain for her.

His large hands snaked along her arms, holding onto her shoulders and pulling her closer.

They were still standing in his doorway, so Morgan stepped inside and shut the door behind her with her foot.

She was still kissing him, procrastinating on letting her true intent show because she really was nervous. The worst part was the pretty irrational fear that he'd actually reject her. That he wouldn't want it.

And it was a ridiculous fear because she knew he wanted to. His hands had been all over her for days now and she'd absolutely returned the favor.

He picked her up effortlessly and Morgan rested her right arm, still immobile and useless in its cast, on his shoulder. His hands stayed on her thighs, making sure she didn't fall off of him.

She'd been nervous about letting her true intentions show, but now that she was in his embrace, mind short-circuiting from the burning kiss he was giving her, she found that advancing was the most natural thing ever.

Taking in a deep breath, like a diver about to take a deep plunge off a huge cliff, she rocked her hips once against his torso in a way that was blatantly suggestive and entirely sexual.

The effect was quite immediate as Dick went completely still, his lips freezing against hers. Then he pulled back and looked at her with an expression she was having a hard time deciphering.

"Are you sure?" He wanted to know. He looked uncertain.

Morgan understood why. Out of the two of them, she was the horribly inexperienced one. And she knew he didn't want her to feel pressured, the gentleman.

"If I wasn't sure, I wouldn't've walked all the way to your room. That's a lot of stairs." She point out jokingly. She fixed him with a confident look to let him know that she really was sure. He smiled softly at her before kissing her again, small pecks on her mouth that made her grin and swallow down a giggle from the cuteness of it.

His grip on her thighs tightened and he took a step towards his bed, where he set her down and broke from her mouth before crawling onto the bed himself. They sat there for a short while, simply eyeing each other with a strange mix of anticipation and reluctance.

Then Dick bent down to meet her lips with his, one hand resting on the back of her neck, his thumb brushing against her ear.

It was a slow kiss, and entirely romantic. Morgan sighed into it and leaned her front against him, prompting him to let go. He started trailing affectionate kisses along her jaw line and throat, eventually reaching her collarbone, both of his hands digging into her hair. The room was silent save for their slightly elated breathing, but the blood rushing in her ears almost drowned it out. Her entire body seemed to prickle with awareness of everywhere he touched her. It was like electricity coursing through her, originating at the base of her throat, where his lips and tongue were doing terrible things to her.

Morgan's fingers traveled down his chest and stomach until she reached the hem of the tight tank top. Her touch was feather light as she tugged at it, her fingertips coming into contact with his skin underneath.

She blushed when Dick immediately let go of her and pulled the tank top clean off, giving her that glorious and nervewracking view of his bare torso. It felt silly to start blushing. It wasn't like they'd be having sex with their clothes on. In a way, it was more his total willingness to expose himself like that, even though she'd seen him undressed in such a fashion before, that made her blush. It was a sign of trust and eagerness that she found flattering.

If she kept going like this, she'd be beet red by the time they reached his pants.

God, she was such a virgin.

She let her eyes roam him freely, knowing that it was okay to do so. The sight of his firm muscles, broad shoulders and just all around perfectly proportioned body made her dryly swallow nerves down. His bare upper body alone was enough to make her feel entirely insufficient.

Letting her broken right arm rest against her thighs, her left hand hovered between the two of them in hesitation, since she was not entirely sure if it'd be weird if she touched him. She really wanted to though.

Dick obviously sensed her hesitation and smirked – which looked really sexy, god – before assuring her. "You can touch me, Morgan."

She met his eyes and quirked a small, lopsided smile, easily seeing the funny side of her unsure and timid behavior. It was so opposite of her usual behavior, but this was entirely new territory. New, nervewracking territory.

So, now that she'd literally gotten vocal permission, she let her hand travel along his torso, gliding upwards until she was wrapping him in a hug. It was an innocent gesture, but she needed the reassurance and the calming effect his hugs always gave her. She could hear her heart pounding in her chest as it pressed against his stomach.

His arms immediately snaked around her smaller form, letting Morgan rest her curly head against his chest. She breathed out deeply and placed a kiss on his warm, smooth skin before pulling back again. As she did, she felt the familiar weight of her wings settle on her back, and realized that Dick had unclasped her new charmed pendant while they hugged. It was a huge relief and reassurance that he chose to let her wings be visible while they did this.

She met his eyes as he pulled the necklace away and let it slip from his fingers to the floor. His intense and unblinking gaze made her blush again and she redirected her eyes. Unfortunately, she just ended up focusing on his bare chest then.

He had scars. Big and small, old and new scattered across his upper body.

There was a particularly large one on his left bicep that she wondered how she hadn't noticed before. Impulsively, she trailed it softly with a finger before placing a light kiss on it.

In response, Dick ran his thumb along the long, thin scar on her left forearm, the white line a permanent reminder of that one time she'd tried to patrol behind his back.

He had scars. But then again, so did she. And neither his nor hers bothered her. They told stories.

She went back to tracing his muscles, wanting to familiarize herself with this body that was about to join with her own. He let her take her sweet time, and she was immensily glad for it. She had never given much thought to how her first time would be, but one thing she'd always known was that she didn't want it to feel rushed. She wanted to take things at the right pace, allow herself to know the other person's body before they truly began.

Funnily enough, it was something her mom had told her. She'd given Morgan the talk a few years back, and she'd made sure the teenager knew that her first time probably wouldn't be perfect, but it was important she set it at a pace she was comfortable with. It was supposed to feel good, not rushed.

So she took her sweet time getting to know him, ignoring his chuckles at her thorough studies.

Before she could stop herself, she pulled a grimace and let out a small whimper. "You're so unfair. How is anyone supposed to compete again that?" She gestured vaguely to just all of him before sighing and letting her hands fall to her sides, indicating she was finished exploring for now.

He tilted his head and frowned briefly at her. "This isn't a contest, Morgan." He pointed out, smiling wryly.

Then, his large hands inched towards her and she got up on her knees to allow him better access to the hem of her t-shirt, which he promptly made to slip over her head. It was difficult work because she had a big pair of wings and a large cast on her right arm, but with a bit of worming and maneuvering, and a lot of laughing, the t-shirt was removed, leaving her in only her bra.

She stiffened slightly, feeling exposed. She wasn't scared or nervous, more aware of the fact that she'd never been this lightly dressed in front of a boy before – at least in such an intimate setting.

Now, it was Dick turn to let his eyes roam around exposed skin. Morgan briefly recalled the girls she knew were his ex girlfriends and came to the realization that she was far less endowed than them. It made her slightly anxious because it kind of meant he was used to 'better'. It was a strange feeling. Morgan had never felt bad about her own body, but his approval meant a lot to her. She wanted to please him because she already knew he'd do his absolute best to please her.

She didn't get to voice her concern because Dick smiled at her then and placed a kiss on her forehead. "See? Not a contest." He kissed along her temple and down her cheek, reaching a point right below her jaw that made Morgan sigh softly in pleasure. "You're beautiful."

He kept his attention on that spot as his hands wandered, and a new thought occurred to Morgan. She'd heard from so many people, movies, and books that the first time for a girl was going to hurt.

"Dick?" She whispered, already slightly breathless from his scorching touch.

"Mm?" The mumbled answer vibrated against her neck and the hand she had resting over his beating heart.

Her tongue darted out to wet her swollen lips as she tried to get the words out. "Is it going to hurt?" She eventually managed.

He paused his work on her neck and leaned back to look at her, and Morgan instantly felt the absence. Dick brushed a curl away from her forehead and tugged it behind her ear, offering her a tender look.

"Not if I do my job properly." He promised, quirking a small, crooked grin. His confident answer put her at ease and she leaned in to kiss him again. She breathed in deeply, her senses overcome by his scent.

She lost herself in him for the rest of the night. And he in her.

No matter what went wrong between them after that, after those two years or being apart, Morgan would never regret that night. He'd cared for her and guided her through the entire thing with patience and love, and Morgan had felt and experienced things she'd never tried before. Looking back on it later, she had realized that it had been much more than sex. They'd been making love.

And she'd fully believed it back then. She'd given herself completely to this boy she'd genuinely thought she was falling in love with.

Now.. She'd never regret that night, but she wondered whether those feelings of what she'd thought was love had been genuine or if they'd only been a product of a night of passion. If they'd simply been the fancy of a young, foolish girl who'd had so little experience in the field of love that she didn't know the difference between a crush and actual, true affection. Didn't know the difference between lust and love.

And to be honest, two years later, she wasn't sure she'd learned to tell the difference yet.


July 7th

Morgan woke slowly, frowning with closed eyes as she wondered why the sun was at the wrong side of the room. Also, she couldn't really move. Something large and heavy was wrapped around her stomach area and her legs were tangled with.. more legs.

Then, as she opened her eyes and peaked over her shoulder to identify the warm mass that was pressed against her back, last night came back to her. The sight of a tousled mop of black hair, a handsome, masculine face peeking out from behind the tresses, jogged her memory quite suddenly. She had to stop herself from bolting upright in his bed in her shock, as this would probably wake him. And she'd like to avoid that.

She lay unmoving for a while, trying to figure out how exactly to escape his decidedly possessive and tight hold.

Of course, being stuck gave her lots of time to evaluate her situation.

She'd had sex with Dick last night.

Personally, she blamed the whiskey.

Morgan wasn't entirely sure if that had been a really bad idea, or a really good idea. It'd certainly felt good – amazing, even – but was she prepared to fully face the consequences her actions would bring?

Two years ago, she'd woken up in a similar fashion in his room. Back then, waking up in his arms and lying for a while to feel his chest move up and down in his sleep had brought her nothing but joy and such a deep sense of comfort.

Now, she felt only worry and slight regret. Unlike the last time, she knew he wouldn't wake up and look utterly adorable with his bed head and soft smile and then kiss her deeply before they engaged in a repeat performance from the night before. Most likely, he'd close off again and wear that horrible, blank look before disappearing into his bathroom to wash the scent of her completely from his body.

Morgan remembered how she'd lain in his arms, wondering if traveling to Denmark was the right thing to do. She had an amazing guy, friends, family and purpose, right here. Was a trip to another country really going to help her find herself? Had she ever even truly lost herself or was she just in a momentary period of uncertainty and hurt because of the things she'd gone through in the past eight months?

But she'd gone on that trip. And she'd found parts of herself, but that had more to do with Morgan growing older than her change of scenery.

In the end, now that she was back and saw what she should've been here to prevent, Morgan doubted more than ever if that trip had been the right thing to do. And she wondered if she'd take her two years of absence back if she could. Wondered if it would've changed anything.

Wondered if she and Dick would've been in the middle of planning their wedding, just liked they'd been doing in the alternate timeline at this point of their lives.

As she lay in his arms, the two of them as physically close as they were mentally apart, Morgan asked herself if that was a future that was entirely lost. And she asked herself if it could've been salvaged if she'd chosen differently.

She also had to truly wonder if she'd even want that future back. Once upon a time, she'd thought she was so sure what she felt. She missed him, but was that just because she missed what they'd once had? Dick would always mean something special to her, but did she s falling in love with this boy quickly turning into a man, but that had been a long time ago. Now, she wasn'ttill have feelings for him?

Despite evidence speaking against it – she was currently curled up in his bed next to him, both of them naked because of last night's activities – Morgan actually wasn't sure. There was something there. But unlike two years ago, she was now unsure if she should identify it as simple lust or actual, honest to god feelings of love – or affection at the very least.

Her own thoughts made Morgan entirely uncomfortable and so she cast them aside, opting to work on escaping instead.

She slowly slipped her legs from his and shifted her whole body away until they were only connected by his arms around her stomach.

She wrapped her much smaller fingers around his and pulled them away from her exposed skin. Eventually, she'd loosened his grip enough to slide out of it completely, and she stood on slightly shaky legs. They'd been unsteady the last time too. And now, two years later, spending the night with him still affected her body that strongly. Maybe it was more the physical strain. Who knew.

He was still sleeping soundly. Morgan wasn't sure if it was because of the alcohol he'd consumed the night before, his general exhaustion, or the sex, but he was completely gone. Maybe it was a combination of the three. She figured that was a good thing. He needed that sleep. Anything to remove those dark, permanent bruises under his eyes.

A hand reached up to tentatively touched the pendant hanging from its chain around her neck.

He hadn't asked her to take it off this time.

Reaching forward to pull one the white sheets from his bed, she wrapped it around her body. The sheet had been covering most of him, and his bare body lay before her now, only covered from his hips to his knees in another crinkled, white sheet.

She bit into her bottom lip when she found herself unable to look away for a moment, clearly remembering the night they'd just spent together.

It had been light years from their first time together. He hadn't been gentle, guiding and patient, but needy, powerful and passionate, and Morgan had been just as eager. She eyed the scratch marks she had left on his shoulder blades and upper back, blending in with old scars she recognized, and new scars he must've gotten while she was away.

Could sex be angry? Because it had been. He'd been angry with her, with himself and with the world, and so had she, even as they both succumbed to whatever pull had been between them – had always been between them.

He sighed deeply in his sleep and turned onto his back. Morgan, afraid that he was waking up, wrapped the blanket tighter around her body, holding it up with one hand, and walked silently towards his door. It opened with a semi-loud creak, and she winced, looking back at his large, slumbering form to make sure it hadn't woken him.

He didn't move at all, so she slipped quietly through the door and closed it behind her.

Once the door was closed, she turned and faced the hall.

Horror was her most prominent emotion when she realized her small escape had been witnessed by Tim. He was standing by his own bedroom door, one hand on the doorknob as he'd been about to close it. Now, he was just staring at her with a wide eyed look.

Morgan shuffled uncomfortably in her very obviously post-sex state, giving him an unexpectedly vulnerable look.

"Don't judge me." She said, just loud enough for him to hear. She'd fallen for temptation. She'd given in to an urge she'd struggled with since the moment she stepped into the Batcave to see Dick again for the first time in two years. Surely, Tim wouldn't condemn her for that. Maybe her actions had been selfish, and maybe she'd just completely ruined all the work she'd done to get close to him and gain his trust again, but she'd never wanted that to happen. She'd been weak, for a moment. Surely, Tim knew what that felt like.

Besides, Tim was the one who'd been joking about seducing Dick all this time.

He raised a slow eyebrow. "Normally, I would.." He admitted before pointing a casual finger at her current state. "But that right there means you're actually getting somewhere. You're getting through to him."

She offered him a sad smile which he returned with a shrug and a blameless look before walking silently down the hall. Morgan disappeared inside her own room to take a hurried shower.

In the end, she figured angry sex was better than angry silence and hateful glares. And she supposed that should've made her feel better, but Morgan felt.. empty. She was unsure what it said about her and her character that she jumped back in his bed the second he let her, damning the consequences because one night of pleasure had apparently been more important.

She sighed deeply and ran a hand through her newly washed hair, feeling absolutely lousy. Morgan wanted to be out of the house before Dick woke up, so she dressed quickly and jogged to the kitchen, not bothering with drying her hair completely or putting on any make up. It occurred to her that she'd left her clothes from last night in his room, strewn across his floor and bed. She felt compelled to go and retrieve it, remove all evidence of her ever being in his room, but she stayed put. If she woke him up now, she wasn't sure what she'd do.

She swallowed down a quick breakfast and promised Alfred she'd get home to do her chores in an hour. He must've sensed something was different because he let her leave with no complaints and even let her borrow one of the better cars.

She was speeding down the road towards Gotham a few minutes later, heading for the nearest pharmacy. Five minutes later, she miraculously managed to find a parking spot. Knowing the nearest pharmacy wasn't that far off, and she'd be stupid to try and find a parking spot that was closer to it – unoccupied parking spaces were few and far in between in Gotham City – Morgan quickly park the car and locked it behind her. Pocketing her keys, she stuffed her hands into the pockets as well and walked quickly down the street. A few minutes later, she reached the pharmacy shop and slipped inside.

The shop was mostly empty that morning, save for an old lady speaking to the cashier. In her squeaky, old-lady voice, she asked about all the different bottles of vitamins she'd dumped on the cash register. The young, acne suffering teenage boy behind the register was trying to patiently answer her questions, even thought it was obvious that he didn't really know anything about the vitamins either.

Morgan drowned out their voices and headed for the back of the room, specifically the shelf with different kinds of birth controls. Walking by all the condoms and birth control pills, she paused when she found what she'd been looking for. She took out a few different sorts of morning-after pills and compared them before settling for the most expensive one. After all, with her father's Will and life insurance, she'd gotten quite a large sum of money, and she could easily afford to spend a few extra dollars if the pills then did their job probably.

There was a small, unflattering picture of a cartoon fetus on the side of the box with a large, red 'X' over it. Underneath it, it said, in big red letters, 'fetus away!'. It made the thing look more like a pest control and Morgan wasn't sure she approved of the inappropriate joke.

She stayed by the shelf and waited for the old lady to finish her interrogation. Eventually, the lady left, having only purchased one of the glasses of vitamins, leaving the tired cashier boy to put the rest back in their place with a sigh.

Morgan slipped silently towards the cash register and put the small box on the counter, fidgeting as she waited for the teenager to get back so he could ring up her purchase.

He came back a minute later, muttering an apology for making her wait. She shrugged as she absentmindedly studied the shelf with sugar free candy next to the register, saying that it was fine.

Looking back at the guy, she determined he must've been somewhere between sixteen and eighteen years old. Just from that one look, she could tell he was the meek kind. the acne and glasses were sure to label him a 'nerd' in school, and the way his shoulders hunched and his brown hair stuck in every-which way probably wasn't helping much.

She figured that, at the very least, she could be a friendly stranger. No reason to be the jerk customer.

He picked up the box and upon realizing what it was, blushed, making his face, which was already pretty red from all the zits, completely tomato in color.

Morgan offered him a small, sheepish smile, like they were sharing in some inside joke, and he quickly rung up her pills and accepted the money she handed him. He put the small box in a white bag with the shop's green logo on the side.

Her phone started vibrating in her pocket then. Morgan grabbed the plastic bag he was pushing towards her with a cheerful thanks and walked swiftly out of the shop, calling out a 'have a good day!' over her shoulder.

Once her feet touched the pavement outside, she dug out her phone and answered without looking at the caller ID.

"This is Morgan."

"Miss Jørgensen?" An unfamiliar man on the other side asked for clarification.

"That's me." She agreed. "Can I help you?"

"You are the daughter of Abigail Grant, correct?"

"Uh, yeah." Morgan frowned. "What's this about?"

"Miss, I'm calling from Gotham Memorial hospital. Your mother was in an accident."

Morgan's heart took a deep plunge in her chest. Her grip on the plastic bag slipped, falling to the ground below, the blue box inside peeking a corner out from the bag. "W-what?"

"She's currently unconscious and we're not sure when she'll wake up. As her closest relative – "

"I'm coming." Morgan interrupted immediately, blinking tears away. She didn't even know how bad it was yet, and she was already crying. She ended the call abruptly and let the phone stay in her clenched fist, her arm hanging limply by her side.

Picking the bag off of the ground, she stuffed it in her pocket before running back towards the car as fast as her legs could carry her.


these horny teenagers istg.

I hope that wasn't extremely cringeworthy. Seriously, I was having a hard time telling myself. Like, I've got no idea what somebody's first time is supposed to be like, but I know how I think it ought to be. Idk. if you found it unrealistic, keep in mind that I'm clueless.

Also, yay, Morgan's mom is going to become a more prominent figure in her story now! I like Abigail a lot, tbh. I'm looking forward to seeing more of her.

Fun fact: The last chapter from Feathers is gone from my doc-list. So it's finished for good, now.