Glee isn't over until fandom says it's over.
"This time no one's gonna say goodbye. I keep you in this heart of mine!"
Let's celebrate what we had and keep creating new things. We got a world and characters and a story, and now we get to bend it in any and every direction we want. We're pretty lucky like that. Love you all, very much. Thank you for being part of this strange little (big) family that is the Klaine /Glee fandom. Let's keep at it!
Chapter Warning: Mentions of suicidal thoughts and behaviors.
-x-
Compartmentalizing
Kurt is staring at the door, observing the various shades of brown present in its wood, wondering what the temperature of the doorknob's copper metal is, tracing the veins of dark and light brown and memorizing the exact patterns they create on Blaine's bedroom door. It might not be the most interesting activity, but it's less daunting than to knock.
Every moment that goes by without him knocking is a personal failure, and yet he can't bring himself to do it. He knows Blaine is awake – he can hear him moving around on the other side of the door. Any minute now, Blaine is going to yank that door open and he'll find Kurt there, pathetically incapable of knocking and initiating a conversation that absolutely has to happen.
"Oh! You're here!" A voice yanks him out of his reverie and he all but squeals and collapses back first against the door. Rachel stands there with her hand on her hip, "Long time, no see. So you're ready to go back to our usual workout, or are you still leaving me alone?"
Kurt doesn't have time to answer before the door he's still pressed against opens and he nearly topples backwards, with a yelp.
"Y-Oh! Sorry, Kurt!" Blaine steadies him, hands on his shoulders.
"Thanks," Kurt mumbles, and turns back to Rachel, "Actually, I don't think I can, right now. I'm sorry, I need to, huh,…"
"Oh, right!" Rachel gasps, eyes wide and jumping between Kurt and Blaine. "Well, yes, you should definitely go do that, then, bye!" She gets through in one breath before she walks away with wide, quick steps.
Kurt suppresses a mortified groan, before he turns towards Blaine.
"You need to..?" he prompts with a soft, curious smile.
"Talk to you?" Kurt offers, trying not to make it sound like the idea alone agonizes him, "Maybe? If you can?"
"Oh, Oh! Yes! Of course… Just… go on inside and I'll be back in a minute. I just need to tell Sam to go without me." Blaine hurries to push Kurt inside the bedroom and then jog away. Kurt stands awkwardly by the door until his body catches up to him and notices he'd been holding his breath.
He sighs, and rolls his eyes, lightly slapping his cheeks a couple of times. He crosses the bedroom and sits down on Blaine's desk chair. While he waits, he busies himself looking around the familiar room and trying to discover new details. He smiles as he notices the shelves on the bookcase are bent, giving in to the excessive weight of Blaine's endless collection of books. He reads the label of every little bottle and box of powders and liquids on his crowded desk, and recognizes only a handful from back home.
He cracks the book on the desk open and reads the first paragraph of the page on display. He frowns as he realizes it's fiction. He's never considered that. For all the time he's been staying in this house, all the books he's read or seen were documentary and non-fiction – they were all about explaining and telling things he needed to know. But this is so very clearly fiction – this isn't something meant to inform or educate – or at least not on a first level – this is something meant to entertain. It seems silly to be so surprised by this finding, but somehow, Kurt realizes, he had never considered this world to have a culture, despite the many off-hand comments from Blaine and Rachel that should've told him other wise.
Closing the book again, he reads over the author's name and wonders if it's the equivalent of a Jane Austen, a J.K. Rowling or a John Green. Knowing Blaine, it could be either one. He smiles at the thought.
"It's my favorite book," Blaine's voice calls from the doorway. "I must've read it, what, six times now…? You can have it if you want. I bet you're itching for something with a story rather than facts," he offers as he closes the door and walks slowly towards his bed. As he sits down, he tilts his head a little and smiles – it's not exactly happy, and probably not even that genuine, it's just tentative. "So you say you want to talk."
Kurt swallows in dry, but nods. "Yes, I think… I think this conversation is overdue."
"Probably. I've pretty much said what I have to say, maybe you could start us off on the subject."
"Okay… So…" Kurt nods to himself and looks at his own hands as he twists his fingers, trying to coerce a cohesive train of thought out of there. It's so hard to choose where to start. "I've been having this nightmare," he says, and apparently that's where he's starting. Okay. "You're in it. Just you and me. And sometimes Cat, but mostly us."
"A nightmare?"
"Yes. We're, huh, we're doing… stuff. On a bed. We're on a bed doing stuff."
"Stuff?"
Kurt shoots him a glare, because he knows Blaine knows what he meant, "Sex stuff – we're doing sex stuff," he grits out, ignoring the hotness in his cheeks, "And then you stop, and you tell me I have to go away. And I don't understand why you'd want me gone if you said you cared about me, but you just keep saying that I have to go, and that it doesn't matter if you like me or not…"
"Because you have to go regardless…?"
"Yes, exactly. So, out of the blue, you open this door, and suddenly there's my old room, from back home, and you tell me to go on, and I do. But when I look back, you're in the middle of the snow crying your heart out, and then I want to go back but the door just slams in my face and I wake up."
"Oh." Blaine frowns, and then sighs, before saying, "It could've been worse…"
"Last night you were also bleeding. Profusely."
"Blood on the snow… that's a strong visual."
"Stop it." Kurt rolls his eyes, "Don't be like that. I… Last night… I- Santana told me you used to have… huh, certain… behaviors that… you know." He swallows, "That you were pretty much suicidal."
Blaine looks a little taken aback, but he recovers with a deep breath and cough, "Well, that's true." He nods, "I was. I was heavily depressed and trapped in a vicious circle of self-loathing and… well, yeah, I'll admit I thought about… that. A lot, actually. I got reckless with my behavior and… well sometimes it was a little more than that, maybe. But I had people who noticed it, and helped me through it, and I'm a lot better now. Some days are better than others, I guess, but I'm learning to cope, and it's not… it's not like that anymore. I wouldn't… I don't… I don't really think about it anymore." He stops, closes his eyes and clenches his jaw for a second. "Often…" he adds in a whisper. "But now, even if I do, I know I'm not alone. I have people who'd help me and I've learned how to let them do it. I know that, now. It's not…" He sighs and frowns, "It's not something I want you to worry about."
"Blaine…"
"Hey, listen, Kurt. I'm serious," he says, leaning a little closer, "It's not something you need to worry about. I've grown a lot, since then. I'm better."
"Well… I still worry. I can't help it. It's not like I don't know what it's like, thinking maybe it'd be better to just disappear and not have to deal with things anymore, and I just can't ignore that, Blaine. I can't look away and says Well, but he's better now. Because I know that's not how it works. I know." He sighs and lets his eyes slip closed for a moment.
"I don't know what you want me to say to that, Kurt."
"I don't either. I just… well, we both know what the dream is about, and I think we need to get it out in the open."
"Okay." Blaine nods, looking entirely serious.
"Okay… so…?" he gestures with his hands for Blaine to continue.
"Oh, no." Blaine shakes his head and sits a little straighter, "That is your decision. That's your choice. Don't throw that on me. You want to acknowledge it, fine, but you do it. And I have done it, anyway. It's your turn."
"Fine," Kurt huffs out with his mouth as dry as cotton, "I'm leaving. I don't know when, or how, but that's the plan."
"And I want to be with you," Blaine adds, his voice softer than before, "And you're afraid you'll break my heart when you leave."
"No – I mean, yes, of course I'm afraid of that, but it's not… just that." Kurt takes in a deep breath, feeling silly for being so nervous about admitting it, "I also want to be with you. I mean, I…I like you. I feel the same way."
"You do?" Blaine looks genuinely surprised, and Kurt wants to ask him if he's blind, but then again, maybe he's not one to talk.
"I do," he breathes, "I've felt that way for such a long time, now – even when I thought you were straight and dating Santana."
Blaine chuckles softly, "That was a good night."
"It was such a good night." They hold each other's eyes for a long, drawn-out moment before Kurt finally looks down at his nervous hands and sighs, "But it's not… smart, is it? This thing between us…? Falling for you might just be the stupidest thing I'll ever do."
"Yes…" Blaine shrugs, "but-… well, I don't know about you, but I can't exactly control that. And honestly…? I don't know if I would choose otherwise, given the chance."
"What do you mean?"
"When I'm with you – even if it is just spending the whole night talking to you, or goofing around – I feel… okay."
"Okay?"
"I don't feel broken, anymore, I feel… well, I feel like I'm enough." Blaine clarifies, with the tired tone of someone who knows the other person understood them too perfectly – someone who isn't used to being this open and brutally honest. "I get why you'd think this is a mistake, I do. And I also respect it. Actually, I think I'm probably being incredibly selfish about it, especially after what you just told me, but, there are very little things in my life that have felt less like a mistake than this between us. Whatever it is."
"But, Blaine-"
"Listen… you didn't look at me like I was some… fragile thing before you knew about my family and my… past. Please don't do it now. I promise you, I'm not. I may have my bad days, but I've learnt how to deal with it, and I'm mostly fine. So, when you do go away, I'll be heartbroken, yes, but I will move on. And I'll cherish what we had, while we could."
"Blaine…"
"I'm not saying we have to be together like that… I respect that you might not feel the same way as me. You might think it would be too much for you, to go into it and take it all back. If you do, I promise I stand back. If you want to stay the way we are now, I'll be glad to call you my friend. But if you're holding back for my well-being…?" Blaine smiles, "My feelings for you are here whether I act on them or not, and it's not going to hurt any less when you go away. If anything," he adds with a shrug that barely scrapes casual, "I'll regret not knowing what kissing you feels like."
"Oh my god…!"
This is surreal. This is the most surreal thing that has ever happened to Kurt. Out of all the things – interworld portals, crown princes, elves, dictatorships and assassinated parents – this is the most surreal. A boy that truly, deeply wants him. He can't help it when he glances towards Blaine's lips. It would be Kurt's first kiss, and Kurt knows it would be perfect. Blaine's lips look perfect.
"I…" he stutters out, "I… I don't know, Blaine, I don't – I can't… think…"
"Then don't do it. Don't do anything. I don't want to pressure you into anything." Blaine reaches out and places a warm hand over both of Kurt's, stilling their anxious movements, "I'd never want you to regret anything between us."
"I wouldn't," Kurt says immediately.
Blaine gives him smile, but doesn't say anything else. They sit in silence for a while. Kurt can't bring himself to look at Blaine for more than a second at a time – if he does, he might do something truly stupid.
"You were still the one doing most of the talking…" Kurt points out, when he can't handle the silence anymore.
Blaine lets out a laugh, "I guess." He shrugs, "That's okay. I think you need to think now, and figure out what you want to say to me. This doesn't have to be the end of this conversation. This was just part one. I can wait for part two… and three, and four. Maybe it won't end until the last words are goodbye. It's still a conversation I want to have."
"Okay."
"So, think about it, and get back to me."
"Yeah… I guess." Kurt takes a long breath as he realizes this could never be as simple as one, swift conversation and a clean-cut decision.
Blaine stands up from his bed in a quick, sudden movement. "Alright, so…!" he bounces on his feet, only now looking anxious and nervous, as he bites his lip. "I think I'll just go… because I just need to… you know – not be looking at you right now… cuz you're, huh, you know, gorgeous. But…" He cringes and closes his eyes, rubs the bridge of his nose before snapping himself out of it, "Oh, yeah, read the book. I think you'll like it. I just – I'm gonna-"
"Blaine…!" Kurt calls, grabbing his wrist just as Blaine moves towards the door, and standing to look him level in the eye, "I… I need you to know… I may not be sure about what to do here, but I… I'm very sure about my feelings for you."
"Kurt, you don't-"
"I am," he insists, "I… I… want to kiss you, too." It's both the hardest and the sweetest thing he's ever had to say, and he should feel stupid at how infantile and silly it sounds, but he can't, "Very much so." He lets his fingers slide against the back of Blaine's hand, and he feels his body burning with a need to move closer.
"Kurt…" Blaine breathes, closing his eyes and looking so completely vulnerable – so wholeheartedly at Kurt's mercy.
Kurt doesn't know if he can have what he truly craves, but at least he can have this, right? He can have a kiss. A simple slide of lips – he gets to know how that feels.
Kurt closes his own eyes, and lets his forehead rest against Blaine's. A hand comes to curl at the back of his neck, thumb pressing eagerly at his jaw, and Kurt leans into the touch, his own hand coming to hold Blaine's chin, pull him that much closer, breaths mingling as there's barely any space between them.
Someone knocks on the door and they fly apart like scalded birds. The door opens and Will pokes his head in "Oh, good, you're both here! Carmen is leaving on a diplomatic trip in two days, so if we want to talk to her, you got to go there as soon as possible. We don't know when she's coming back, and we can't just leave this to last minute. Besides, it's best if this is done on the spur, the less planning, the less people know about this. We can't afford to have people outside of this place know about it, yet."
"Oh…!" Blaine sputters. Kurt wonders if Will's noticing their red cheeks and frozen brains, but probably not, given how natural he's being about the whole exchange.
"Do you think you could be ready in half an hour?"
"What?!" Kurt gasps.
-x-
They're standing just outside of the Inn, bags on their backs in the midday sun. Kurt pulls his coat tight around himself as he waits for Blaine and Will to stop discussing whatever details they're still figuring out. Will looks more nervous than Blaine, who's just calmly taking in what's being said, nodding and not posing a single question.
Kurt wishes they could have discussed this inside the house, because he's seriously freezing his ass off. A particularly violent shiver runs down his spine and he grits his teeth to keep himself from calling them out. At that moment, though, Quinn bursts out of the house and sprints towards them. "Could I have a word with you, Blaine?"
Blaine frowns and follows her out of earshot, not even sparing a glance towards Will.
Kurt can't hear what they're saying, but Quinn is handing him something and Blaine nods and pulls her into a tight hug. She pulls back, looking a little down, and wordlessly makes her way back towards the house, where Puck stands watching her, and immediately wraps his arms around her shoulders and carefully guides her inside.
Blaine walks back to Kurt and Will. "Ok, we're ready," he announces, not giving Will an opportunity to ask or say anything else, "Kurt, I'll be opening a portal to a couple towns away, because international portals may be traced, and we can't risk it being traced to this place.
"Okay." Kurt nods, having already understood that from their previous conversation.
"Alright, so, huh, let's try to be as quick about it as possible. We don't want the portal open for more than absolutely necessary. Can you, huh, stand as close as possible to me, please."
Will rolls his eyes. "Hug him, Kurt," he says, "so he can open the portal on the exact spot you're both standing."
Kurt blushes violently, but does as he's told, and puts his hands on Blaine's shoulders, keeping his breathing in check as Blaine wraps an arm around his waist and pulls him closer. "Ready?"
"Sure," he breathes.
Blaine smiles and leans in, holding tight as a golden light envelops them and for a moment Kurt feels as if he's drowning in ice-cold water, and his internal organs are all missing. Thankfully, it doesn't last long, and before he even so much as gasps at the sensation, they're back on solid, dry ground. Kurt feels a little dizzy.
"Sorry," Blaine says, "I know it's not the best sensation."
"It's fine…" Kurt murmurs.
"Okay… The coast is clear. We should go. Last we knew these woods weren't monitored, but we can't be sure, and we best not waste time. You okay to go?"
"Yeah, sure."
"This might be a little more, okay? Brace yourself, and, huh, hold tight."
"Right, yeah." Kurt steps forward and resumes position, taking a deep breath as he feels Blaine pulling him closer once more and regretting it slightly as the most delicious scent invades his lungs. He holds back a moan, but can't help leaning closer and pulling him in.
"Ready?" Blaine asks, sounding a little breathless.
"Yes."
The golden light is back, along with the cold and that horrible rollercoaster sensation. This time, though, it doesn't end at once, and when he finds that he can't breathe, a strange, overwhelming sensation of panic takes over him and he finds that he can't move, either.
The moment that there's solid ground beneath his feet Kurt pulls away, doubles over, and empties the scarce contents of his stomach. Kurt falls to his knees and continues retching even though he knows there's nothing else to throw up. Blaine doesn't even say anything as he just leans over, putting a soothing hand on Kurt's back and another on his forehead, the pressure making Kurt feel a little less like his head is about to explode.
"Better?" Blaine asks, once Kurt manages to catch a good breath between retches and it feels like it might be over.
"Yeah… I think so…" he mumbles, nodding, as he starts trying to get up, despite his shaking body.
"Don't," Blaine admonishes him, pushing him back down, and passing him a flask of water. "Drink a little water, rinse it out and get yourself together. No hurry."
They sit on the ground for a while before Kurt can focus on anything besides the way his body felt like it was collapsing. Looking around him he gasps, "Oh god!"
It's unlike anything he's ever seen. They're standing on top of a wide hill, but beneath them spreads a city that goes on to the horizon, a glittering river crossing its middle. The sun is much lower than it had been, just minutes before at the Inn, and yet there's still so much light because every building is tall and white.
From this distance, the buildings look like they might be made out of origami, and it's one of the most beautiful things he's ever seen.
"Okay, I can walk now."
Blaine helps him up and they start to make their way down the hill. "I'm sorry I didn't get us closer to the palace, but this city is always changing and growing and I couldn't risk opening the portal to some random place and land us impaled on a street bench or something, you know? It's better to use the official portal area like this, so you're always sure it's a safe arrival."
"You didn't even break a sweat…" Kurt breathes, frowning at the way Blaine looks completely unbothered while he's pretty sure his own face still looks green, and entirely ignoring what Blaine was saying.
Blaine gives him a sympathetic smile. "It's unpleasant, but I've gotten used to it. The first few times are the worst."
"I guess."
"The bigger the distance, the worse it is, of course."
"Oh, totally… when I got here, I passed out, actually."
"What, seriously?"
"Yes, and I had a headache for quite some time. But it was very different from these portals, because, like,… I didn't even feel it. One moment the train was going through Ohio, the other it was stopping right next to that camp. And I think if it hadn't been for Cat, I wouldn't even have gotten off the train."
"Cat?!"
"Yeah, she sneaked up behind me and scared the shit outta me. I fell off the train."
"That's impossible," Blaine gasps, stopping halfway down the hill. Kurt stops as well and quirks an eyebrow at the display of utter bewilderment.
"I can assure you it's true. Cat was there."
"She's… I… I never let her leave the house on mission days. I'd never bring her along to a camp. Never!"
"Well, she must've slipped out, because she was there. I promise," Kurt informs him, restarting his way down the hill. There's a pause before he can hear Blaine's footsteps hurrying to catch up.
"No… That's. I," he struggles as they jog towards the city, "The thing I did to you the other day, locking you up. I always do that to Cat. She had… she had no way to leave."
"I don't know what you want me to tell you, Blaine. She was there. I know what I saw."
Blaine gives him a strange, strangled look, opens his mouth and then shuts it. The rest of the way through the city, to its very center, is silent. Blaine is walking briskly, slightly ahead of Kurt, his hands clenching and unclenching into fists as his eyes squint in concentration. Every now and then, he will run a hand through his hair, and shake his head. Kurt doesn't mind the silent treatment at all. Not only is he having enough trouble taking in his surroundings without the added complication of a strange conversation, he also doesn't need to worry about how absolutely wrong it felt to be talking to Blaine as if nothing had been happening just a couple hours ago. As if they hadn't almost kissed.
The city around them is boisterous and mesmerizing. Everywhere people are going to and fro, talking, yelling, sometimes singing. Their complexions vary in several shades of dark with only a scarce pop of pale every now and then. Their clothes are filled with red, pink, yellow, green, purple… all sorts of color Kurt had almost forgotten existed since he'd gone into town, all those weeks ago. It's not that everybody is bursting with laughter or uncontained joie de vivre, but the fact is that the contrast is still very much stark between the two populations.
The ground beneath Kurt's feet is gravel of a beautiful shade of amber, and contrasts beautifully to the white, wispy walls around him. It crunches rhythmically beneath their feet, as they walk at a steady pace, and he focuses on that rather than on the way Blaine still looks as if he's been having a mental breakdown for the last half hour. In fact, he doesn't look anywhere near appeased when they turn the corner into a wide street lined with naked, but enormous trees, tilted toward the banks of a river and a bridge that leads to the biggest building Kurt has seen since he came here. Also the most beautiful.
The palace, like an imposing island in the middle of the river, rises beautifully above most buildings, but it doesn't look like any Kurt has ever seen in fairytales or books. It doesn't sport tall, thin towers, or ornate walls. It's rounded and soft, unassuming but still grand in its simplicity, its pure white walls are adorned by enormous pieces of glass, glinting everywhere with golden sunset light and the glittering reflections of the water that surrounds it.
"Wow…" Kurt breathes.
Blaine glances at Kurt and gives him a small smile and a nod.
"So we just… walk in…?"
"Pretty much," Blaine says, as he continues walking towards the front gate at the start of the wide bridge, "Sorry about the silence, by the way. I'm just… reassessing some things."
"No problem."
As they finally reach the gate, the tall imposing figure of a man comes to stand in their way.
"Could you please notify Queen Carmen that Blaine Anderson and a friend are here, in the hopes to see her." Blaine tells him calmly.
The man looks him over with a carefully blank expression before he takes a deep breath and nods, walking wordlessly towards another guard and telling him something in a hushed voice. The second guard makes his way towards the right side of the palace, ignoring its wide front steps and beautiful glass double doors. They wait for what must be at least twenty minutes – the sun has completely set by the time the guard comes back and says something to the first guard, who walks over and says, "Very well, follow me."
They do go through the front door this time, and Kurt tries not to balk at the sight of the gigantic entrance hall, and the sudden intake of light. A woman with blonde hair and only a hint of a tan on her skin is coming towards them from the opposite end of the hall, smiling widely and already sticking out her hand, as her black gown flows freely behind her.
"Mr. Anderson! So wonderful to see you, again!" she says, and Kurt does gape, this time at the way that Blaine purposefully ignores the woman's hand.
"Nice to see you, too, Miss July."
She doesn't seem much phased at Blaine's complete lack of warmth and instead turns towards Kurt, eyes widening as they meet his own, "Oh, my! What do we have here? Could it really be?" she gasps, at once directing her hand toward Kurt, "I am Cassa-"
"No, Kurt don't-!" Blaine gasps as Kurt moves to shake her hand, and, as they do touch, Blaine grits out, "Shit."
Kurt feels a sort of tingling heat in his hand where he's touching Miss July, who retrieves her hand, grinning widely and then turns back to Blaine, eyes glinting with mirth, "Is that so?"
"What? What is so?"
Blaine clenches is jaw and returns Miss July's smile with his very own cynic version, and it's the first time Kurt's seen Blaine look so… mean. "We're here to see Queen Carmen."
"Oh, I know, but given your… ancestry, Blaine, you can't possibly think we'd just let you see her without someone attesting to your good will and selfless motives."
"Well, it's attested to now, isn't it?"
"No need to be so prissy about it, Blainey." She sighs dismissively, as she turns on her heels and starts walking in the direction she came from, "After all, I do love me some young love."
"What?" Kurt frowns, and Blaine takes a deep, frustrated breath as he starts following the woman.
"Come on," he tells Kurt, "She'll take us to the Queen." He says, and then adds in a quick, hushed voice, "Also she's a time-teller."
"Wha-Oh!" Kurt gasps, "So she saw-"
"Just your recent past." Blaine assures him, though he's still not particularly happy, "She's not that talented."
"I heard that, Anderson." Miss July throws over her shoulder.
"Okay." Blaine says, and Kurt gapes at him. Blaine gives him a smirk and a shrug and Kurt feels like the world has been turned upside down. And yet, he thinks as he watches the look of satisfied contempt on Blaine's face, it's kind of sexy.
(As if things couldn't get any worse, of course.)
They walk through a long, bright corridor before Miss July finally opens a door and let's them into a room filled with bookcases and books, and nice, inviting couches with small tables next to them. Sitting in one of those couches, dressed in long, mesmerizing yellow robes and the most intricately wound turban, is a stunning black woman. As she notices their arrival, she stands. She's not taller than Kurt, but he certainly feels like she is. Intimidating in a way that great people always seem to be, she commands the room easily.
"Thank you, Cassandra." She says, turning a blue-eyed stare at Miss July, "You may go."
"I'd rather stay."
"I'd rather you go." She answers easily, without any hint of bite behind it.
Cassandra seems to hesitate, before she bitterly nods and walks out, closing the door behind herself.
"So, what brings you back, Blaine Anderson?"
"Your highness," Blaine says, bowing slightly and slipping back into his usual persona of polite manners and easy smiles, "I'd like you to meet Kurt."
Kurt lets Blaine's hand at the small of his back guide him forward. He's suddenly struck with the fact that he has no idea what the protocol in a situation like this is, and ends up somewhere between bowing and offering his hand for a shake.
A low, husky laugh pulls his eyes back up, and he sees that the queen is smiling, "There will be no need for bowing." She says, "Especially not from you, young man." She adds, looking him straight in the eye. She takes a deep pause, considering Kurt and taking him in before she turns back to Blaine and says, "I see."
"It seems the prophecy has been partly fulfilled."
"And you're hoping that this will finally convince me to give you my men."
"Not necessarily." Blaine says, "We were hoping for a distraction. Something that will give us enough breathing space to infiltrate the castle. That's all we need. Something that'll make him deploy his troops and his best men elsewhere. We're already thinking of staging a riot up north, but we could use something in the south."
"So you're asking me to pretend to attack." She asks carefully.
"Yes."
"It's certainly an interesting proposition, Blaine. But I'll have to think about it." Kurt's heard similar words from his dad to know by now that this is thinly veiled no. Before he can say anything on impulse, though, Blaine is speaking again – his tone still polite but with twinge of something to it.
"Listen, Anderson's ideology is expansive. He's been sitting still for nearly eighteen years now, I can assure that it won't be long before he starts trying to expand his dominium. I overheard enough conversations on the subject to know that for sure."
"But he hasn't in the last eighteen years."
"Because he's had to control the situation back home first. Now, he believes he has. The men he's been promoting to generals and captains are warfare man. The kind of men he would need to start a war on foreign ground."
"You're very kind to warn me about these." She's smirking and eyeing Blaine with a considerable amount of amusement, like an adult talking to a child. It's condescending and it's getting Kurt more annoyed by the second. "And I will make sure to investigate these suppositions."
"I know we shouldn't expect an answer today…"
"Nor shall you have it." She interrupts, her smile turning less teasing and a little warmer, "But if it does prove true that my country is in danger, I assure I will not sit idly by."
"And if it's not?" Kurt frowns, "You'll sit idly by and let someone else's country get fucked over, year after year, until it's so destroyed there's absolutely no way anyone could ever fight back?"
It's the first time she's looked back to him, and she raises her eyebrows and contemplates Kurt for a very long time. "You are right to assume that I care more for my own people, than I do for another kingdom's. My loyalty and my responsibility lies with my people."
"It's not about loyalty or responsibility. It's about being a decent human being."
"Kurt…"
"No! This is crap! You can't honestly sit there and say you'll think about it, when we're not even asking you to endanger any of your people. My people are dying!"
"Young man, don't be naïve. You're asking me to do something that, if it became known to John Anderson, would undoubtedly mean war – and therein lies the danger towards my people."
"You'll have war, either way." Kurt shrugs, trying to keep his volume in check, "Blaine is not in the business of lying."
"And so let me ask you a question. If your neighbor's son was dying, and you had a medicine that could help him, but not necessarily save him, and yet, you had your own son to think of, and a good chance that your son could, too, become sick. Would you give the medicine to your neighbor's son?"
"I would give him the fucking medicine, and then do whatever it took to get more for my son."
"That was not an option."
"Listen, I'm not gonna stand here and discuss an idiotic hypothetical situation when there is a real fucking problem out there. Metaphors aren't going to save your name from shame when you go down in History as a coward who stood by and let thousands die."
There is a particularly long stretch of silence among the three of them. Queen Carmen is eyeing Kurt with the kind of stoic expression that he would kill to be able to pull off, while Blaine is standing there with his lips pressed into a thin line and glancing nervously between the other two. The tension is thick, but Kurt finds he couldn't be comfortable any other way. He is not going to politely bow out of this argument. He can't. There are fights worth having.
Finally, Carmen seems to draw a long breath, "Like I said, I will-"
"Think about it." Kurt interrupts, voice cold and dripping with contempt, "You know, when parents say that, it usually means no. They're just too cowardly to say so upfront."
"Coward is certainly something you're not." She says, her words slow and calculated.
"No. I've never been, and I'm not going to start now." He holds his chin high and squares his shoulders, "If you want to refuse to help us, say so. Otherwise you're just wasting our time." He steps a little closer, "Although, maybe the fact that you can't bring yourself to say no to our faces, should probably tell you something, right?" he stares back just as strong as her, "Like maybe that it's so morally wrong that there's no way to spin it otherwise."
"I think maybe we should leave it at that, for now." She says in a tone that verges on menacing, and Kurt opens his mouth to bite back when Blaine speaks.
"I don't think we should." He says, fast and clipped like he almost can't believe he said it. He's frowning at himself before he takes a deep breath and looks up at her, starts again, "The-the truth is that you have been letting us get murdered in our own home for years now, and every time we asked for your help you said no because we didn't have a viable plan. We're here, with a viable plan, and your excuse is that you'd be risking your men's lives? With all due respect, Your Highness, a leader's responsibility doesn't stop at keeping their people safe – it includes setting a good example. One would think you'd want to show solidarity and strength in the face of cruelty, injustice and plain evil. What my father is doing is horrible and despicable… but what you're doing? What you're doing is… it's…"
"Pathetic." Kurt adds, "Sorry, Blaine, you were on a roll but I felt a political correctness coming on there and I just needed to keep the record straight."
Blaine shoots him the fondest smile, but doesn't waste much more time, "So if you don't want to help us, by all means, don't. I just hope that you'll never need help from anyone ever, lest they be as cautiously selfish as you." He takes a deep shuddering breath before he adds in a very final tone, "We will be leaving now. You know how to reach us, if you need."
Blaine's bow as he leaves is fake and bordering on disrespectful, and he grabs Kurt's hand in a swift motion turning and walking towards the door.
They're yanking it open when she calls after them "Stay for the night. I will tell you my answer in the morning."
-x-
"So that was intense," Kurt remarks as the man guiding them to their bedroom for the night finally closes the door.
Blaine huffs a silent chuckle, "It felt good."
"It did?"
"Yeah! You were amazing, Kurt! Every time I've come here with Will, it's the same bullshit over and over again. If we're not gonna get her help, we might as well be honest about it." He shrugs, "Which bed do you want?"
"Window," Kurt says, a little dazed at the compliment, and Blaine drops his bag on the bed closest to the door, "But, hm, she seems a little… uncertain now. I think she might help us."
"Nah, I wouldn't get my hopes up," Blaine says, "She might consider it, but once Cassandra tells her you're not planning on staying afterwards, she might see that as a lacking plan."
"Oh."
"Yeah… I'm sorry, Kurt, I should've told you not to shake her hand. I should've known she'd come meet us first."
"It's fine, Blaine. Like she said, she needed to make sure we weren't a threat, right?"
"Yes, but she should've done that to me, when I was ready for it and had managed to clear my head of everything else."
"You can do that?"
"Like I said, she's not that talented," Blaine says, "She may put on a good show, and she is useful as far as asserting honesty goes, but excruciatingly good time-tellers are very, very rare, and she's just… average."
"Then why is she the one here?"
"Because people better than her also have a tendency to work for themselves, or just refuse to use their gift at all. It's hard not becoming cynic and distrustful when you know every thought a person's ever had, or will have." Blaine shrugs, "You want to use the bathroom first?"
"I, huh,… no, you go ahead. I can wait."
"Thanks." Blaine smiles before he collects a couple of things and locks himself up in the bathroom.
Kurt takes a sit on his designated bed and stares straight ahead, his head completely overfilled with thoughts. It's too hard to even distinguish and separate one subject from the other, everything's muddled up together and he feels like he either needs three weeks to sleep and forget about it, or an enormous drawing board and those same weeks to work through all of it.
It's gotten to such a point that the fact that Blaine's showering, naked, on the other side of the bathroom door, barely even registers. Instead, he just sits there and wonders if there's some sort of manual on how to deal with feelings for someone you're planning on never seeing again after three months or less. As well as another manual on how to be a temporary national leader without feeling like a hypocrite when he calls people out on their lack of empathy.
He tries not to think about when that day specifically comes – everything before or after, he might as well, but not that one. Saying goodbye to people he's come to know and think of as friends – the best friends he's ever had in his life. Saying goodbye to this world he's just now getting to know. Showing his face to the people who've dreamt and hoped for his arrival, only to tell them, "Okay, thanks for the support, bye!"
Saying goodbye to Blaine.
Instead he chooses to focus on getting back to New York. Going to college and getting back on his feet. Watching movies again, bad reality TV, and checking things off his bucket list, simple things like eating breakfast at Tiffany's, and near-impossible dreams like having a successful fashion line.
Those things will surely make up for anything else he leaves behind. He's sure. Very sure.
Blaine opens the bathroom door, copious amounts of steam surrounding him as he towel dries his hair, already dressed in a white undershirt and loose pants. "You okay?" he asks as he finds Kurt sitting still and staring at his own hands.
"I… How can you pretend like everything's fine?"
"I'm sorry, what?"
"I don't mean it like I'm mad at you or anything, but it's just… this morning we were… we almost… you know, kissing. And now you're asking me which bed I prefer and if I want to use the bathroom first. I'm just… how do you do that?"
"I…" Blaine frowns, dropping the towel on his own bed and sitting opposite Kurt, "Do you want to go back to talking about it?"
"No... I just…"
"Are you ready for us to act on our feelings?"
"No, I mean, maybe. I don't know."
"That means no," Blaine says softly, "Listen, just because I'm not talking about it, doesn't mean I don't care. Being who I am, I've had to learn how to compartmentalize things."
"Oh."
"But if or when you do want to revisit the issue, please do. Although… I do hope that in the meantime you're still, you know, my friend."
"Okay. I can try that. I can try compartmentalizing." Kurt nods to himself, taking a deep breath and gathering his stuff, "I can do that."
Blaine gives him an amused smile, before Kurt slips into the bathroom and proceeds to panic over it. The truth is, he has no idea how to compartmentalize.
Except he does.
He really, really does. He'd find his dad looking longingly at a picture of his mother, and that entire day he made sure not to mention her, even if he was burning with ache inside. He'd suffer through slur after shove after slur, but surely if he had good grades he'd be someone better than them so he studied, he applied himself, even when all he wanted to do was run away and never come back. He'd come home covered in bruises, shoulders slammed hard against lockers, but his father mustn't know, so instead he sang as he cooked dinner, even if all he wanted was to curl up in his father's arms and beg him to make it all stop.
He didn't use to know how to compartmentalize – it wasn't in his nature. He didn't like these walls around his feelings. But somewhere along the line they came and they stayed. They grew roots and he's startled to realize that he's become the type of person who bottles up. Only this time… this time everything is so absurd that his mind is at a loss for what to do – every day there's something new to understand, to internalize. And so the walls are bending beneath the weight of a thousand pictures and newspaper clippings, and maps with strings, and most of all… Blaine. Blaine everywhere.
Maybe it's not that Kurt doesn't know how to do it – it's just that he doesn't know how to compartmentalize Blaine.
Not now, anyway, not with everything else already happening – it's one problem too many.
After his own shower, he brushes his teeth and spends a few minutes combing through his hair, hoping that Blaine's asleep by now.
Of course, he's not so lucky. As he steps out, he finds Blaine sitting cross-legged on his bed, with his head on his hands, elbows on knees and frowning deeply.
"You okay?" Kurt half chuckles, mirroring Blaine all those minutes ago.
Blaine startles and smiles back, looking remarkably tired, "Yeah… mostly, yes."
"I…" Kurt feels as words bubble up inside of him, all sorts of possibilities and things he should or could say claw at each other trying to get out, only to get themselves stuck in his throat. Instead, what comes out is, "We should sleep." Maybe – just maybe, he's got a little more room in these walls of his. Just enough to keep himself sane a little longer.
"Yeah, we should," Blaine agrees.
-x-
"I am not in the habit of apologizing," Queen Carmen's voice is effortlessly strong as she steps into the same room where they'd talked the day before. Kurt and Blaine turn, startled at the sudden entrance, "However, I can admit when others are right and I am not. I am also not in the habit of beating around the bush." She smiles, "When the time comes I will give you the tactical distraction you need. I will also provide you with men for the actual fighting that will ensue – no matter how much you distract him, there will still be troops ready to protect the Castle, and I'm sure you can't handle that on your own."
"No… we… we were going to avoid open conflict, but I'll admit it's risky."
"Right. I will give you whatever number of men you might need. Just come back, when you have a detailed plan so that we can negotiate that number. But the two of you, that's who I talk to from now on."
"Oh. Oh!" Blaine gasps, "Really?"
"Yes," she says in a surprisingly emotionless tone, and yet, to both boys it's like the most beautiful music ever created.
"Oh my god! That is such good news!" Kurt squeals, bringing his hands together, and grasping them tight, lest he start clapping like some sort of aqua-show seal.
"Thank you, Your Highness!" Blaine gasps, "I don't even know what to say, I'm speechless. This means so much, thank you! Thank you. On behalf of The Resistance, I can't even begin to describe-"
"You're welcome. All of you," she interrupts with only the hint of a smile. "I will be proud to help. I hope we'll continue to be close allies in the future," she says, directed at Blaine before she turns towards Kurt and adds, "And your people will lose someone very precious when you leave, I hope you understand that."
"Oh," Kurt gasps, "I… yes, it's not a guarantee, but…"
"Not all of us want to wear a crown, no matter how good we'd be in it," she smiles knowingly, "Good Luck, Kurt Hummel."
"Oh! Thank you."
"Well, I believe that is all for now. You'll be in touch," she doesn't ask, she tells.
"Right, yes. We'll be leaving, then," Blaine says, happily, "Thank you, again!"
"Goodbye." She nods, with her own version of a smile, turning towards the door.
"Goodbye!" They both manage, watching as she pulls the door open.
"Oh!" She turns back, "And Mister Anderson, I do hope you find somewhere you can live without your father's shadow, one day."
"What?"
"Goodbye," she punctuates as she finally steps out of the room and closes the door.
The both of them stand in the middle of the room, not quite knowing what hit them. Kurt's body is just now catching up with the whole thing and it's making a quick transition from floored into complete and utter overdrive. He can't stop himself from squealing and jumping in his spot. Next to him, Blaine is still standing still, hands on his cheeks and eyes too wide.
"We did it!" Kurt grins, grabbing Blaine's shoulders and shaking him, "We did it!"
"I can't believe it!" Blaine laughs, finally letting his hands fall and pulling Kurt into a tight hug, "I can't believe she said yes!" His voice is muffled against Kurt's shoulder, but his hands cling tight still.
"She did! She did!" Kurt squeals and pulls back enough that they can grin at each other. It's probably one of those moments when they could've easily kissed, not thinking about the full scope of things, making a spur of the moment decision and just going with their gut, but instead they just laugh and hold each other very, very tight, until one of the guards clears his throat and tells them he can walk them out, whenever they're ready.
