It'd been a few days since Edward had been arrested and I still couldn't bring myself to go and see him. I had no idea what happened, I'd only leaned that his truck was parked out back in the parking lot behind Dazzle. Why he'd been in the parking lot behind Dazzle and why he thought it was okay to deal drugs just hours before coming home was beyond me
I wasn't ready for excuses, and I certainly wasn't ready to see him. I picked up the SUV on Tuesday and that was all I would let myself do. I needed it, and my car was on its last leg, anyway. I might have let it rot in impound had that not been the case.
The week had gone by extremely very slow and I was going out of my mind. I hadn't talked to Jasper since he'd called and left the message I got on Monday morning. I hoped the four days that passed since his last call wouldn't become too awkward.
Esme had the kids, because I was feeling like I had been slammed right back to the beginning, when Edward first left- all over again, in that spot where nothing was right and nothing made sense - so she offered to take them overnight. She picked them up the previous afternoon and I tried to go on like nothing was wrong, like nothing happened. I went to an off-schedule yoga class with Alice, visited Rose, and then cooked myself dinner. I shut everything out, acting as though nothing had changed. I was doing the best I could.
I was hiding it pretty damn well.
I reached in my bag and wrestled around all my junk for my chiming cell.
Hey, Izz! Where've ya been? Jasper asked.
Just been busy. How's work been going?
Just waiting on a shipment so I won't be heading back to the hotel until tomorrow. He sounded happy and it was nice to hear his voice.
So lets go grab some lunch! If you're not busy?
*
Jasper and I met at a small diner and I was telling him about my drunk-scapade on Sunday night with Alice. I noticed his brows furrow and him look down at his sandwich before he started playing around with the fries on his plate.
"What?" I asked, a little embarrassed that I'd just admitted to getting drunk and having to be carried out and taken home.
"It really isn't anything, Izz."
"Really and anything don't fit well together in the same sentence, Jas. If it is really and anything, then why not just tell me?' I asked.
"Honestly? I hate that you work there. I hate knowing that people are paying to see your body. I hate that Mike comes by to check the progress of a job on Monday while he chats it up with his goons about his new favorite showgirl. It's disgusting."
My hand reached to cover my face on its own free will. Oh God.
"Isn't there anything else, Bella," he asked, "anything else you could do? Is there anyway I can help?"
No one was going to understand.
I was a single mother of two small children; therefore I wanted and needed to be able to be home with them. I also had the luxury of owning a home in which case meant that I was responsible for a fairly hefty mortgage. Never mind the other bills and responsibilities that came with owning a house, I now had two vehicles, one of which I'd recently acquired that wasn't paid off.
Why not get it all off my chest now? Would there ever be a better time? The kids weren't here and the diner was slow.
"Edward's in jail..."
After explaining everything and getting all of it off my chest, I felt myself rise up from the slouch I'd rested into while I had explained the whys and the hows, of my reasons. I lifted my body back into good posture and felt the air begin to refill my lungs. I finally allowed myself finally to come back together.
Jasper sat there still as stone, keeping eye contact at all times and showing few facial expressions until I'd finished my confessions. Maybe he understood, or maybe I just hoped he would.
"Have you thought about school?" He asked after nothing was said for a few minutes, while we fiddled with our straws and food.
"Of course I have, Jas. First I need to worry about all the crap that has been left up to me. School will come, I have no intentions of being a dancer forever."
He nodded his head before reaching into his back pocket and pulling out a few bills to pay for our lunch. Before I could say anything and offer to pull my own weight, he gave me a look that silently said, 'don't even.'
"I'm going over to Esme's to grab the kids, busy?" I looked over towards Jasper to find his eyes locked on mine and his smile reaching his beautiful eyes.
"Of course not, let's go."
We headed outside and I quickly realized that Jasper was unaware of what I was driving. He looked at me and tilted his head, "Edward's?"
I nodded my head in answer as I crawled into the driver's seat. As he shut the passenger door I gave him a simple, "No, mine."
The rest of the drive over to the Cullens' was fairly quiet as Jas played with the stereo. I placed my hand over his as a song came on that for some odd reason always seemed to bring out the sixteen year old Bella.
I started moving my head to the beat before singing and drumming my hands on the steering wheel. I got a little more into the beat before trying my best at singing.
"Feeling all alone without a friend you know you feel like dying..." looking over in Jasper's direction, he was grinning ear to ear at my enthusiasm over a song that had been a one hit wonder years ago, not to mention a total chick song.
I continued after earning his approval.
"Hey! Feeling all alone without a friend you know you feel like dying, Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'. I want you to want me, I need you to need me, I'd love you to love me, I'm beggin' you to beg me!"
Jasper cleared his throat. I wasn't sure if he had done that because of the lyrics or if he was trying to keep himself from erupting in laughter.
I stopped, realizing that the lyrics were a bit weird for me to be singing along like a maniac with Jasper in the car. With his eyes on me I was just trying to have a little fun.
Though, fun was what I craved, what I needed now, even more than last weekend while I was at the club with Alice.
The lyrics to the song weren't exactly all wrong for me. Not when it came to Jas.
We pulled into Carlisle and Esme's driveway just as the song came to an end. Shifting the SUV into park, I rested my hand on the keys that still hung from the ignition. "Would you rather wait in here?"
Jasper quirked an eyebrow at me before glancing at the house then back to me.
"I think waiting here would be better, Izz."
"Right."
I headed straight for the door and entered the house, where I heard my kids in the family room goofing off with Carlisle. I followed the happy noises escaping the three of them into the room and leaned against the doorframe.
"Hey guys," I greeted my babies.
"Hi, Bells. Can I have a moment with you before you take off?" Carlisle stood up off of the floor and brushed off his suit pants before heading into the kitchen.
"I'll be right back, you two," I said, while walking towards the kitchen, letting my kids know I wouldn't be long.
The kitchen was quiet and Carlisle had a look of remorse in his eyes. "Bella, you need to go and see Edward. You need to know what happened and why things ended up this way…" he began explaining before I cut him off.
"Carlisle, I'm not ready. I am not ready to spiral backwards, not again. And Edward ultimately put himself in this position; he chose his path months ago. So, no' I'm not going to see him. Not now, and not until I'm ready."
"Bella," I heard from behind me as Esme entered the kitchen. "He needs you to understand what happened. I think you owe him that - if only for the kids."
Honestly, I owed my husband nothing. I'd already thought about talking to a divorce lawyer, and I was fairly certain it wouldn't be long before I had served him with papers. He wasn't only hurting me, he was hurting his parents, and he was even hurting his children, Emmett, and Rosalie.
I sighed.
"I have to go. Thank you for taking the kids for the night. Please, you're welcome to visit whenever you want. I know they miss you." I walked out of the kitchen and back into the family room before scooping Ryan up and taking a hold of my daughter's hand.
Both Esme and Carlisle said their "good byes" and "I love yous" before walking us to the door.
I strapped my kids into their seats and climbed back into mine. I glanced back up before putting the truck into reverse and noticed that both of them stopped mid-wave. They must have noticed Jasper.
"Jasper," Ava exclaimed in welcome while Ryan giggled in agreement.
"Hey, kiddos!" Jasper was genuinely happy to see them, but I could also sense some tension. "I guess the in-laws aren't particularly happy to see me here."
I shrugged his comment off before I decided on answering him anyway. "Honestly, does it really even matter? Edward is in jail, and you and I are friends. My kids adore you and you make us happy."
Smiling to myself, I turned the radio up and pulled out of the driveway.
The drive home was filled with loud chatter over the music. Jasper knew exactly how to respond to my kids. It was almost natural to him. I listened as Ava babbled his ear off and Ryan tried his best to keep up.
As we pulled up to the diner to drop Jas off at his truck, Ava began her little began her little game of begging Jasper to come over. It almost always worked, but I wasn't sure I was up for company.
"Jasper, Jasper! Can't you come over again and play," Ava pleaded.
"Not tonight, sweetie, I've gotta go to work early in the morning. Maybe another time real soon. I promise, okay?"
"Pinky promise," she asked, holding up her little pinky as best as she could.
"You bet, Ava," he promised as he bent over the front seat, grasping his pinky in hers. "I pinky promise."
As he was untangling his position back to the front seat. After he untangled himself he took a hold of my hand gently before bringing it up to his lips and placing a soft kiss between my index and middle fingers. "If it's okay with your Mom?" he questioned, peeking up through his lashes.
"Of course, Jas. I'll give you a call," I answered innocently.
Jasper exited the car, and as soon as the door closed, I let out a breath that I didn't realize I'd been holding. This man was making me melt without even trying. I was feeling a little guilty.
*
I'd tucked my kids into bed and made a cup of tea. I plucked my cell out of my bag and plopped down on my recliner with my tea and phone.
Ava really adores you, you know, I texted Jas.
And I adore her, too. He quickly responded.
Ryan likes you, too. I replied.
And you?
Sure I adore you and I like you. I had to giggle at that.
Really?
Really.
Goodnight, Izz. Sweet dreams.
*
Ring.. Ring.. Ring..
Who the hell was calling me at this time?
I glanced at the clock and saw it was barely ten. I must have fallen asleep just after my texts with Jas.
Alice.
"Hey, Al. Everything okay?"
I could hear her rushing around and it sounded like she was at the club. "No!!" she shrieked, "We're out a dancer and two waitresses!"
I'm not sure what I could do, assuming Jane had school tomorrow and my only other sitter was Rose. Could I come up with something vague enough that she'd buy? And would she question my vagueness? Probably.
"Let me give my sister-in-law a call, okay?"
"Okay, thanks, Bella!" I heard her phone snap shut just as someone was trying to get her to come and take his order.
I lifted my now stiff body that had become stiffened from falling asleep in such a horrendous position and called Rose right away.
"Rosalie, are you sleeping?"
"Not exactly," she giggled. "Is everything okay?"
"Yes, but a friend needs my help; mind coming over to keep an eye on the kids?"
I heard her straining to hold in a sigh of annoyance. "I'll be there in fifteen. And your friend," she emphasized the friend part, knowing that it really had nothing to do with her, "owes me."
Rose was there sooner than the fifteen minutes she said, and I scurried out of the door after quickly explaining that the kids shouldn't wake up.
I was at the club within a half hour after hanging up with Alice.
"Quick! Get dressed. I laid something out for you on the back of your chair!"
Vic needed to hire more employees, and quickly. I couldn't be doing this all the time.
I took things into my own hands and decided not to wait for instruction this time. Alice was busy and had little help tonight, which left her no time at all to worry about me. By now, I should be able to handle my own anyway.
I peeked through to the stage, my breathing becoming a bit short and frantic. I found the stage empty, men waiting impatiently. I decided to just head out there, not seeing Tor or Lauren anywhere else.
The number I was wearing was riding up my ass and I found it to be a bit more uncomfortable than I cared for. At least I'd get to try out the pole with some moves I learned earlier in the week.
I was wearing pink and black, once again. There was a pair of elbow length gloves I decided not to wear, ensuring I'd be able to keep a firm grip on the pole. A shiny, satin pink bustier with black lace tie-ups both on both the left and right sides was paired with black fishnet thigh highs, a matching pink thong, and a pair of pink strappy shoes.
Apparently Alice thought I was a pink kind of girl.
Go figure.
As soon as I got my breathing under control, I began feeling a weird rush; it was something new. I walked through the black curtains which immediately caused the hungry men to relax as they let out some hushed "woos." It sounded as though they were trying to say 'damn, it's about time.'
I've never heard this place so quiet and there was a fairly large crowd. Thursday was a major payday, and it definitely wasn't dead out here. I glanced over at Alice; she was rushing a full tray of drinks around in a panicked frenzy, still carrying that happy smile that I found infectious.
She made eye contact with me and gave me a small nod while mouthing, "Let's go, Sweets!" As usual, Alice was showing full confidence in me, with whatever I managed to pull off.
I pranced my way down the sides of the stage, smiling at the men sitting around before taking my place at the pole. I was going to go right for it, hit it or miss it.
I took hold of the metal and climbed all the way up, grasping the pole with my legs in T-shaped cross, something that I had seen some of the more advanced women doing at class, and let my body fall backwards before reaching up, holding on between my thighs and letting my legs fall into a split, spilling below my now upside down head.
It was all it took to get the club going. The night wasn't a catastrophe after all. I was full of pride, whether I saved a beached whale or a strip club, it didn't matter in this moment.
I slid down the pole in that same position before lifting my body upright, kicking one foot onto the pole while I held one hand firmly in place as I spun the rest of the way down. I mentally noted how the heel and pad of my shoe had somewhat aided in locking my foot, keeping me securely attached.
I worked the crowd surrounding the stage for a while before I saw Lauren rushing out of the back and onto the stage, shooting me a nasty look before snarling, "Get the fuck off my stage."
Wow.
"S-sorry."
I walked off the stage as quick as I could, I headed straight to the dressing room and tried not to trip and stumble in my hastiness.
Well, guess that could be called my introduction to Lauren. Alice was right, a total bitch.
I pinned my hair up while sitting in front of the vanity. After my little pole show, I had begun to glisten a little with sweat. I noticed a glass of cranberry juice in front of me with a little note attached that read 'Bella, thought you might be a little thirsty after that pole mastery. -M.'
M. Who did I know with a name beginning with M? Oh Jesus. I wondered briefly why he didn't send something alcoholic, even though I was grateful.
Ahh, he must have seen Alice dragging me out of the club on Sunday. What a damn idiot I was, knowing that it would take little to get me so completely smashed that I'd barely remember anything.
I gulped down half the glass before applying some shimmer powder. I made my way out to the floor and walked straight over to where I knew Mike would be.
"Cranberry?" I asked while smirking evilly.
"I figured after last Sunday's events you'd be better off without liquor. How about a PD, Bella?"
I let out a hushed groan. I hardly wanted to be back there in that room again with Mike, knowing it would only make its way back to Jas at some point in the near future.
I held my hand out to him and led him out back and into the private room. "Well, Mike," I said with a bit of sarcasm, " I hear you enjoy talking about me to all of the big wigs at work, eh?"
He said nothing and headed right for the leather couch, but before sitting, he reached into his back pocket and produced his wallet.
"Oh yes, let's not forget to pay your new - what was it? Favorite Showgirl?"
He glanced up at me before slipping me some money from his faded, brown leather wallet, "Uh, excuse me?" he said with a bit of shock.
I rolled my eyes, "It doesn't matter. What is it that you'd like to see tonight, Mike Newton?" I teased, before plucking the crisp bills from his hands.
He looked stunned. Maybe I was the first stripper he'd come across with attitude, not really giving a shit about his hefty tips.
"Uh, a conversation?"
I'd been untangling myself from my uncomfortably tight bustier and stopped, stunned by what had just come out of his mouth.
"What?" I asked, completely baffled.
"I said…a conversation."
"I know what you said, Michael. But why are you paying money for a conversation in a strip club?" I couldn't lie to myself, I was definitely curious now.
Leaving my laces untied, I took a seat on the couch next to him, finding myself intrigued by the man that was Michael Newton.
"Please, feel free not to answer anything that makes you uncomfortable, and I'd also like things to go as they would during any normal dinner date, run in with an old stranger, or even a phone conversation."
Was he kidding me?
"Michael." I spoke his full name, assuming he wasn't named something like Micah or some name that was completely out there. It made me feel like I had the upper hand, or like I was the bigger person, "This isn't a dinner date and this isn't a run in with an old stranger. So go ahead and get this conversation going, please."
He stared at me like I had a few heads before continuing, "Well, I feel like I might know a little bit about you already. I've heard you are a fantastic woman, mother, and friend. Jasper always gets in an uproar when I speak of you. I assume you two are involved in some sort of way?"
"Yeah, I think I'll take you up on that," I said, remembering his earlier talk of my not answering things I didn't want to.
"I've known Jasper for years. That's it."
I took a moment before asking him some things I was curious about.
"Why did you take interest over me almost immediately? Deciding to make me your new pet of sorts…over Tor?"
He stared at me straight in the eyes. "Remember that night Jasper took you in here? To be honest, at the time, it was only my curiosity; Jasper is hardly into this type of….thing." He paused briefly before continuing. "At work, I'd heard him talking to one of his closest friends and coworkers about you. And well, do you think I enjoy spending my nights at a strip club? You think I actually enjoy spending money on women instead of spending my nights after work at home, with a wife and children?" He stopped, but I could tell that it wasn't intentional, he had more to say.
I kind of felt sorry for his ass.
"I don't really want to throw anything else at you tonight. Thank you, Bella. Thank you for just sitting in here and talking to me." Mike stood up and walked to the door and glanced back at me before quickly exiting.
The entire thing was really weird. What else could he have possibly thrown at me? And would I ever find out?
I made my way back into the dressing room and threw myself back into my sweats and ratted t-shirt. Lauren was there now with another dancer that I'd not yet been introduced to. And unless Alice expected me to make a royal fool of myself helping her waitress…
"Bella!"
Shit. She was about to do exactly that.
"Please, throw on this leotard, cummerbund, and bow-tie and help me with these thirsty men! The other two waitresses have yet to show up and I'm dying out there! Please?!"
I threw my hands up, giving in, "Al, I've never once waitressed. Not even at a place like Friendly's, but if you insist."
"Oh! And lose the fishnets!" she chirped before rushing back out into the front.
Shit, I had left them on under my sweats in a rush to just get out of here and get home to my kids...and Rosalie, who would surely be asking questions. What else was going to be thrown at me tonight? Quite frankly, I was exhausted and wouldn't be able to take anything else.
I approached the bar and was quickly handed a full tray full of drinks, "Tables four and six, Bella," Paul instructed before dashing off to mix up more drinks for the next round.
*
I was finally sitting peacefully in the SUV that once belonged to Edward,and the windows were down. I was breathing in the cool air, calming myself before the storm that I was certain I'd walk into when I got home to Rose.
I was physically and mentally exhausted, and I knew my night wasn't over.
Before turning the ignition, I came to a decision: if Rosalie started prodding me about friends needing help, I would tell her. I would come out and tell her that I'd become a dancer at Dazzled. I wasn't going to sneak around and pretend anymore.
Quite frankly, how was she - or anyone else - going to judge me, anyway?
Not that it mattered when it came to Rose, she judged anyone and everyone whenever she wanted to.
I would deal with it. If she couldn't accept me for who I was now, then screw her.
I started the SUV and drove straight home.
Still in the waitress uniform as I walked through the door, I found Rose standing there staring at me like I was some piece of trash, hands on her hips, and shaking her head, toes tapping.
"Uh," I paused, because I knew once I asked her what and why she was staring at me like that, it was going to be the start to a sleepless night."Stop looking at me that way. Stop now," I spat. Rose was already judging me, and she hadn't even said a word.
I brushed past her, letting out some sort of aggravated growl, "At least let me go change."
"Yeah, you go and do that."
*
I walked back down the stairs to find Rose sitting at the bar, fiddling with a piece of plastic. As I got closer to her I noticed that it was in the shape of a stick, one end white the other purple.
"Rose, are you?!" I exclaimed.
"I am," she simply said. "I am, but I feel like my good news just isn't as important now."
"Are you kidding me? This is the news you've been waiting for. The news you've wanted for so long!"
Was she seriously going to lose her excitement of just learning she was pregnant because I came home in a cocktail waitress uniform? She didn't even have any idea I was actually a dancer. I'd hate to take the wrath from her if I had come home in the get up I normally wore.
"Bells, I can't ignore the fact that you just walked through your front door wearing a leotard and bow-tie." She scowled. "And those shoes, shoes that you've never even been able to walk in before; what the hell are you doing wearing those shoes?"
I looked down at the stick Rose was twisting in her hands." Look Rose, it's just a job. I don't plan on being there for the rest of my life. It's not like I can continue working there when crap starts aging, wrinkling, and graying," I said, trying to hold in my giggles.
"Whatever, Bella, does he know?"
This bitch was starting to get on my nerves. Edward didn't have the right to know much of anything anymore, nothing that didn't involve his kids anyway, but did he even have that right anymore either?
"No, and please, you're my best friend, Rose. So please don't say anything. Not to Emmett, not to Carlisle, and not to Esme," I begged her.
"Emmett and I have no secrets. We don't play hush-hush games of bringing up things only when asked. So prepare yourself from a visit from your brother. And quickly, because I'm sure he's not going to wait until you've decided to start taking your clothes off and become some slutty dancer."
Before I had the courage to tell her that itwas too late, she got up, tucked her test into her back pocket, and walked out of the door without saying another word.
I think this was a time that called for some expletives and I whispered, "fuck my life," before falling backwards onto my couch.
