Title:- Broken wings
Pairing:- Roppi x Tsuki
Rating:- M
Warnings:- language, violence, yaoi, self harm, character death
Disclaimer:- I don't own Durarara
Summary:- He doesn't stay away.
Roppi hisses through his teeth, the sharpened blade of a new razor glides across his skin. The cold metal scratches across his wrist in a teasing manner. Adding a little pressure, his wrist starts to change colour in irritation. A bit more and he's drawn blood. The raven pauses giving witness to the droplets breaking free. He watches them bubble, gathering together and trailing down his skin. Lifting his wrist, dazed crimson hues watch as drop by drop blood hits the floor.
Roppi cradles his arm, glancing down at the razor. He's cutting deeper, urging it to cut the vein that would finally end his mortal life. He just wants to sleep. An eternal sleep where no one would bother him. The bathroom door rattles, the handle twisting madly in its half turns. He's locked the door. No one is getting in. Curled between the sink and the bath, Roppi watches spider like trails of blood slip from his wrist.
The door cracks open sharply. Roppi can see the splintered wood, the lock is in one piece. The blond glances at the damage apologetically. Roppi doesn't attempt to move his arm. It's none of Tsukishima's business what he does.
"R-Roppi-kun!" The blond gasps, eyes widening exponentially. "What are you doing?"
Roppi scowls, hiding the razor in his pocket. He's been caught out. "W-what are you doing?" Tsukishima rushes over to him on his hands and knees. It's only at times like this, his ex boyfriend isn't a clueless dolt. The first aid box is flung open, bandages strewn everywhere.
"Get out." Roppi growls.
"N-no, you're bleeding." Tsuki takes his arm holding it firmly. "I-it doesn't look like it n-needs stitches." The blond bites his tongue lost in his nervous stutter.
"Why are you here?" Roppi snaps pissed off.
Tsuki chews at his lip, managing to handle the antiseptic just fine. "I-I had a bad feeling."
Roppi scoffs. The annoying interference probably has his head pressed against the crappy thin walls of the apartment. Tsukishima was the boy next door after all. It was an awkward break up when he still sees him everyday and heard the blond moving around the apartment.
"W-why are you doing this?" Tsuki asks voice cracking. Roppi tries snatching his wrist away. His ex holds firm, thanks to that ridiculous strength of his.
"None of your business!" Roppi snarls trying to get out of the corner. It's a fight of wills as usual. He can get out just fine but would end up with a broken arm.
"B-but R-Roppi-kun..." Utterly predictable. The blond is going to play the boyfriend card. How they were once together, loved up like unsuspecting teenagers. "...w-we-"
"Broke up." Roppi lets the emotion drain in his voice. "This is trespassing. You've broken into my home. Get out before I call the police."
"B-but your wounds." Tsuki speeds up a little. Roppi glances down at the perfectly wrapped bandage. Unintentionally he thinks about when his ex used to practice like crazy for him. Tsuki did a lot because of him. "I-I'll go now..."
The blond lingers, rising from the floor like a slow moving animatronic. The first aid box is left behind. Roppi isn't going to call him back. Tsuki looks back at him with watery eyes. He always was a heart on the sleeve idiot. Even now he hasn't managed to protect himself from that.
Tsuki leaves, the bathroom door is left wide open, letting him see his ex walk out the front door. It's not like it's the first time. Still the idiot looks back at him worried and hopeful and so stupid. The door closes and he's finally alone.
Roppi grips his arm to stop the shaking. With a growl he raises his hand in a claw to tear the bandages off. His hand falters. It won't move no matter how cold he becomes. Roppi pulls his bandages wrist to his lips. The shaking becomes worse, unshed tears dripping down his face.
x-x-x
Roppi hates humans. He hates life and the trials that come with it. He hates everything. Before Tsuki, it was him alone within the four walls. He'd been kicked out of his parents home after they'd had enough of him being a shut in. So he'd moved with the money he'd made and became a shut in somewhere else.
No one visited. Now one called. No one cared. Except Tsukishima. The blond was a nervous, hopeful idiot. Roppi knew everything about him, whilst his ex knew nothing. That was the way he preferred it. He had never managed to open up his heart and learn to love, trust or do anything a normal human should.
Right now he could hear Tsuki pottering around in the apartment. He could hear the routine thud, as the blond fell victim to his clumsiness. The soft curse and stuttered cry. Roppi picked his bulky headphones from the desk, securing them over his ears. Flipping up his fur trimmed hood, the raven leaned over his keyboard and set to work.
His money came from misery. He was a hacker. Not that he rated his skill in terms of the best. It just something to do. Roppi broke codes. He'd been doing it since he could remember. He'd started out breaking over exaggerated security. From there he'd gone to taking money from people's accounts. Just enough to tide himself over. The rest was deposited into a black hole. Roppi didn't think about the misery he was making people's lives. He didn't feel anything. Making someone bankrupt was a way to kill time. That was all.
Tsukishima was the wrench in his life. The blond was nosy, a people person despite his speech and actions. Everyday it had been the same. Tsuki would knock at the door on the way to work and on the way back, he'd offer him dinner and a friend to talk to if he needed one. He hadn't let the blond into his life. Tsuki had clumsily and stubbornly forced his way in. Then had come the tearful confession. Roppi had accepted out of curiosity. Something he sorely regretted.
Tsukishima pulled and he pushed. He'd been cold and hurtful but the blond had stayed with him. Even after Roppi had ended the relationship, Tsuki was still there with that stupid loving smile.
Roppi hated humans and all their emotions. Logging off his computer, the raven slipped into the bedroom. Tsuki had told him he was a minimalist. Roppi just didn't see the point of keeping clutter. His room was stark, painted black to keep the light out. He had one single bed, which had been pushed next to the door frame, since Tsuki's bedroom had been on the opposite side of the wall.
x-x-x
Tsuki knocks on the door. Roppi knows it's him. He's the only one it could be. Roppi thinks about ignoring it. His door has been replaced. Something he didn't ask for. The blond probably has a key to let himself in.
With a sigh and a tussle of his shaggy locks, Roppi begrudgingly heads for the door, pulling down the handle. As expected it's his ex, wearing a hand me down shirt and pants. His eyes narrow on the thick white scarf and glare.
He should ask for it back so he can burn the damn thing. However he doesn't think Tsuki will be happy to part with it. It's the only gift Roppi ever brought and that had only been because the blond had been shivering and sneezing germs everywhere.
"What?" He growls.
"S-sorry to disturb you, R-Roppi-kun. I was wondering if you wanted a-any b-breakfast?"
"No." Roppi slams the door. It swings into Tsuki's boot. "What?"
"D-dinner?"
"No. Move."
"Oh." The blond's head drops downcast. "H-have a good day then."
Roppi rolls his eyes. Tsuki turns away trudging down the hall. "Oi! Watch out for the roads." The idiot would probably get himself run over again. Slamming the door he returned to the bedroom.
x-x-x
Lunchtime. Midday. Roppi sits on the edge of the bath looking from the blade to his wrist. Not the bandaged one. That stays as it is. No doubt the blond would come knocking to change it. He makes quick faint line, watching his skin crack.
There's nothing to think about and only one hesitation. Roppi shakes his head swiping the blade down harshly. He lets his arm flop to his side, tilting his head down to see his life force run down the white ceramic tub.
His eyes close believing it's the end. He feels a little dizzy, his fingers numb and sluggish as he tries to move them. Roppi knows it will be Tsuki that finds his body. He regrets that. Such an innocent soul shouldn't have to face death.
Yet it's not to be. He can hear a knock at the door, first light and testing. Then frantic and lastly a loud crack as the lock breaks. "R-Roppi-kun."
He's dreaming. Tsuki rushes towards him just as he slips to the side. "R-Roppi-kun!" His body is held against his ex's warmth, a steel like grip around his wrist stems the bleeding.
x-x-x
Roppi wakes up to a white ceiling and four white walls. His eyelids close in resignation. He's failed again. He can hear the rhythmic beeps of the machine telling him he's alive. His arms are by his side, a thin tube connected to the back of his hand.
Both his wrists are bandaged. He doesn't have to look to know the one Tsuki did has been redone. Roppi shudders feeling itchy. He's in a strange place. Tsuki brought him here.
"R-Roppi-kun! You're awake." Roppi opens his eyes radiating anger. The clueless blond stumbles in with two hot drinks in styrofoam cups. A disaster waiting to happen. "I-I brought you a coffee."
"Don't want it." Roppi growls.
"B-but I-"
"You brought me to a hospital?" Roppi is in no mood for long winded excuses.
"Y-yes." Tsuki mumbles hanging his head.
"Get out."
"R-Roppi-kun?" Tsuki sounds stricken. It gnaws at him but he hardens himself.
"How many times do I have to tell you? We have nothing to do with each other. Fuck off." Roppi snarls.
The blond starts shaking and runs from the room. Roppi stares down at the two puddles on the floor left behind. The empty cups roll underneath his bed.
x-x-x
Two days later, an annoying doctor, nurse and a so called counsellor. Roppi is discharged. He takes a cab to avoid human contact. There's no sign of Tsuki.
Back at his apartment, the door has been fixed again. Roppi twists the key and steps inside. The place is spotless just how he left it.
The bathroom has been cleaned and disinfected. Tsuki. The blond was sitting where he had. "What are you doing here?" Roppi asked coldly.
"...you didn't want me at the hospital."
"Tch, so you break into my apartment again? I didn't think I'd have to get a restraining order against you."
But he wouldn't. He wouldn't move away either. Roppi clenched his fists. He was thinking again. The chains were loosening around his heart.
"P-please don't." Tsuki begged. "I- I still love you, R-Roppi-kun."
"Get out." Roppi raised his voice close to a shout. "Get the fuck out of my apartment."
"N-no." Tsuki stood raising his head defiantly, even as tears streamed down his cheeks. "Y-you'll die. You'll cut again!"
"That has nothing to do with you."
"Y-yes it does. I love you." Tsuki clung to him, holding on with that ridiculous strength of his.
"Idiot." Roppi snapped pushing him away. "You don't get it. I have to hurt myself!"
Tsuki stumbled back falling to the floor, Roppi felt himself fall on top of his ex. "R-Roppi-kun, I love you."
The raven snarled his hands around the blond's throat. "Stupid idiot. You don't get it."
"R-Roppi-kun? It hurts."
"I told you. I hated humans. I hate everything about them. But you. You're pure and kind and it hurts. You make me feel like a monster."
"R-Roppi-" Tsuki gasped clawing at his fingers.
"Leave me alone." Roppi growled. "I have to hurt myself. Because if I don't, I'll hurt you and I-" Roppi blinked throwing himself back. "Shit! This is why. Get out and-"
His ex wasn't moving. Roppi shot over to him on hands and knees, shaking him awake. "Oi, wake up. Wake up." Panic flared through him seeing the blond wasn't breathing. "No."
Placing his hands over Tsuki's heart he pressed down repeatedly. "Wake up." Opening the blond's mouth he breathed air into his lungs. "Tsuki, wake up." His hands moved back hearing a crack as some ribs broke. "Tsuki!"
Roppi fell back knowing it was too late. His palms dug into his eyes wiping at the tears that wouldn't stop. "Tsuki, w-why didn't you stay away?"
Getting to his feet, Roppi stumbled into the kitchen taking a knife. He moved back to his fallen love and slumped to his knees. "...I told you. I- I should have moved. I should never have let you get involved."
Pulling at the bandages, Roppi drew the knife across his wrist. He did the same with the other. Blood trickled down his hand, getting on Tsuki's cheek as he caressed it.
"I-I'm sorry." Roppi kissed him, laying down next to him. He held the blond's hand. "I love you. I never stopped loving you." Closing his eyes he let go, the blood leaving his body. Soon he'd be with Tsuki. If there was an afterlife, he'd apologise.
End
