He woke in the spare room again. This was one of the nights he decided to come home. Some nights he couldn't bare walk through those doors because as a husband he was frightened at what would or could happen. He didn't even step into the bedroom because he didn't know what would happen. He only made a trip if he needed new clothes. He could barely look at her without hurt. That night they had the blackout, they almost reconciled. It was the night they were almost fine but guilt overcome themselves and they laid in each other's arms in an embrace of wondering. He was scared he would be served with divorce papers. Something he did not want to go through.
He was scared thinking that this could happen and they would put their children at risk and would no longer be husband and wife. She was the love of his life. He wanted to make things better but he was unsure at how to make everything better.
Meredith woke to an empty bed. She and Derek had not shared the bed in a long while. She was sacred every single moment that she would wake to find divorce papers on her pillow or come home after work to find them on the table. Derek barely came home. She didn't blame him. She wouldn't come home at night if she knew it would hurt her. She came home and looked after the kids because it kept her distracted. She put a brave face on to make them feel safe. She still cried at night because it was too hard and all she could imagine was the life that could happen if they don't apologise.
Kaylee knew what was happening more and more. She got closer to her mother's bedroom at night because the crying made her upset. She didn't like the sound of her mother's crying. She wanted to hold her mother at night and tell her that everything would be alright.
That morning Derek had gone to work. Kaylee slept in Meredith's bed last night because Kaylee had had a nightmare and wanted to be comforted. So she slept in her mothers' arms and her mother didn't cry at once during that night. She listened to her mothers' beating heart and felt comforted. All she needed was her daddy's arms around her. She wanted everything to go back to the way it was before.
"Morning Kay." She says kissing her. "We have to get up and go soon."
Kaylee stirs in her mother's arms and opens her eyes. "Morning Mummy."
"Let's get ready, shall we?"
"Ok Mummy."
They got their morning routine over and done with. She drove to the hospital walked the floors with full hands. Dropped her son off at the crèche and rounded with her interns with Kaylee at her side. She assigned cases and started on her case for the day. She took Kaylee to school and came back and started treating her patient.
"How are you and Meredith going?" Mark asks.
"We are fine."
"Derek, don't lie to me. I know you." Mark says.
"Mark just leave me alone." Derek says.
Mark looks around and pulls Derek into an empty room.
"You're not leaving until you tell me how the two of you are going." He says.
"Mark I have patients."
"So do I but I need to know how my best friend is feeling. You are no longer McDreamy around here they are calling you McDreary. Meredith and you are one of the most talked about couple. You two have been the most talked about since high school. Kids were aspiring to be like you and Meredith. They were always rooting for the two of you to be together. They were overjoyed when they heard the two of you were having a baby together. They saw a future for the two of you. They see the two of you dying in each other's arms." He says. "I see the two of you together until you are both old. You see the two of you together forever. So what the hell is stopping you from getting back with your wife?"
Derek looks at him and then back down at the floor. Tears are welling in his eyes.
"Derek, come on man. You can tell me."
"I want to forgive her. I want to say I'm sorry for all the pain I caused her and kiss her and hold her. I want to have another child with her. We were planning to try for a baby this year. We have been trying for 2 months and nothing yet. We have our 3rd wedding anniversary soon. I want to be back with her more than anything in the world. I love her so much. It hurts. I want to be back in her arms again and hold her but I am so scared to walk through the front door some days because I am scared that there will be divorce papers there. So much has happened to us I am scared we won't be able to find a way back to one another. I love her so much Mark."
"I know you do." He says placing a hand on his shoulder.
Mark sat with Derek and comforted his friend.
"I think that you and Meredith need to get away for a few days. You two need time to yell and fight and reconnect. To be a family. To be in love again. You need a break from work, from your exes from your kids. It will do the kids well not hearing the two of you fight and not acting like a family. This is for your marriage and your family, Derek. Book a weekend away for your anniversary. Spend time getting massages and getting drunk. You two have been so stressed with everything its time to take a break and take a look at what you really want."
"I want my wife and family to stay together."
"Well that is what you and Meredith have to work towards. Your family. Who knows you could get extremely drunk and conceive your child. You two seem to do that well." He says.
Derek smiled and remembered all those times.
"Derek, have you showered yet?" She asks. He doesn't reply to her so she becomes concerned and decides to open the door. She opens it to reveal Derek sitting in the bathtub with a bottle of tequila in his hands. "Um where did you get that?" She asks pointing to it.
"Do you want a drink? I have plenty." He says to her.
She walks over to him and set herself next to him in the bath. She reaches for the bottle and takes a sip from it. She hands the bottle back to him and he takes a huge swig. Meredith takes the bottle from him then pours it down the drain. He tries grabbing it but Meredith holds him back. He isn't happy with her and starts sulking.
"Derek seriously. This is not what I told you to do. I want you to have a shower then sleep." She tells him.
"But I need to drink." He says.
"No you don't. You need to shower and sleep so I don't get killed for my room smelling like tequila and that your mum doesn't shoot you when she sees you." She says.
"Fine." He says.
She gets out of the bath and helps him out. He starts undressing and she turns the shower on. She closes the door and Derek showers. Meredith changes into her pyjamas and turns all the lights off downstairs. She walks back up to her room and lies down on her bed and falls asleep.
Derek emerges in ten minutes later. He sees Meredith sleeping so he climbs into bed next to her. He just watches her sleep. He then leans in and kissing the back of her neck. Meredith stirs. He places more kisses along her collar bone and works his way up to her neck then to her lips. Meredith turns around and faces him as he places another kiss on her lips.
"Derek what are you doing." She says between kisses.
"I'm drowning my sorrows." He says kissing her collar bone.
"Not like this." She says even though she is enjoying it.
"Why not?" He asks stoping and looking at her.
"Because it is wrong and we're not together and it is not the right thing to do." She tells him.
His face then drops. She hates seeing him like this and he wasn't before when he was kissing her. So she decides that she will let him kiss her to feel better. She wraps an arm around his waist.
"Ok. Do whatever." She tells him.
He then kisses her again and deepens it with his tongue searching for entry into her mouth. She allows it and they keeping kissing. Derek shifts positions so he is lying onto of her. She runs her hands up and down his body while he kisses her collar bone. She throws her head back into the pillows. The two of them are then naked and sharing a moment she has wanted for so long.
He thinks about that night when the conceived Kaylee. He was the drunk one that time. The next time both of them were too drunk to recall anything.
"You're too drunk to drive." He says as he stumbles out behind her.
"Well so are you." Meredith says.
"Split a cab?"
"Sure."
In the cab both of them can't keep their hands off of each other. The dress that Meredith was wearing gave Derek easy access to feel her up. They kissed each other hungrily and Derek felt her up.
Derek paid for the cab and they both stumbled inside the house and straight upstairs to her bedroom.
"I've missed this so much Mer." He slurs.
"Me too. We should have sex all the time." She says giggling.
Derek shut the door behind them and had her pinned up against the door.
"I'm gonna sex you up so bad-ly Mer."
"Well you better get started. You don't keep a girl waiting."
That night was still fuzzy to him. He remembers some of the night but they were obviously too drunk to tell that he was engaged.
"I'm on my break. I'm going to go and make a few calls." He says. "Thank you Mark."
"No worries Derek." He says. "I will always be here for you."
Derek found a computer and looked at different bed and breakfast places. He found one perfect place in wine country with a spa and sauna and tours of the vineyards. He made accommodation for the next weekend. Friday to Monday. Hopefully this would get the two of them rekindled.
He swapped shifts around for him and Meredith. He rang his mother but realised she was going away the same weekend.
He went to Richard's office and knocked on the door.
"Come in."
"Hi Richard."
"Derek. What's up?"
"Well it's mine and Meredith's anniversary in a couple of weeks. I have a weekend booked for both of us. I figured work out for us two but I need a babysitter for the weekend. And my mother isn't home."
"Derek, I'll be more than happy to watch them. I barely get to spend time with them so bring them around."
"Thank you so much. You don't realise how much we both need this weekend away." He says.
"I know Derek. Get back to me next week with some more details."
"I shall."
…
The next week Meredith woke. It was not to her kids but her phone ringing. She looked at what time it was and grabbed her phone reading the message.
You're up. Read the note for my details. Derek.
She was confused. She found the note on the bedside table and read his scrawl.
No work for the weekend. No kids for the weekend. Everything has been organised except for you. Happy early 3rd anniversary. We need time together to talk and fight. We are leaving the house at 12. Be ready. I want to spend a weekend with you Meredith with no interruptions. Derek.
She looked at the time. She had 30 minutes to get ready. She was unsure at where they were going. All she could know is that he was taking her to the woods to kill her.
I realise you are most likely freaking out. Just pack some clothes for four days away. Your swimmers as well also some warm clothes but some nice dressy clothes. We are going to wine country.
It reassured her thoughts. He didn't want to kill her. So she packed what she knew she would need and got ready herself.
Derek had packed his bag before she got home from work last night. This morning he went off and bought a present to give her for their anniversary. He had Kaylee ready to go to school and went and dropped Cooper at the crèche and let them know what was going on and that their uncle or grandfather would be collecting him. Everything was organised.
He sat in the car counting down the final moments until it was 12 o'clock and their weekend away would start. His fingers tapping away at the steering wheel. He was unsure at how she would react. He was unsure if this would help their relationship. He was really hoping it would. He had bought a bottle of tequila as well just for her.
When it was 12 o'clock he climbed from the car and walked into the house. His heart beating a million miles an hour.
It was just on 12 when she heard Derek's voice. He was always prompt and never late for anything.
"Meredith, are you ready to go?"
"Yeah I am."
"Ok." He says.
He reaches for her bag and he locks up the house behind her and they headed off.
"You're not really using the wine country thing as a push to get me in your car."
"Meredith, open the glove box."
She opened the glove box and found the details at where they were going.
"See wine country. A bed and breakfast. It is for our anniversary. Happy anniversary Meredith."
A small smile formed but she hid it.
"The kids are staying with Richard and the kids for the weekend. They are going to come by and feed Peanut and Sparrow. Our shifts at work have been covered and we will be home Monday afternoon. Just don't think I am taking you to kill you because we had a fight. It should be you killing me," He says. "I want to feel the love again. I want to feel like a family. I want to feel like we are a married couple. You are the love of my life Mer and I don't want our marriage to end because of a tense few months. I want to feel the heat and romance and the love again."
She didn't say anything. But what he was saying was true. She wanted everything that he was saying. She just couldn't say anything back to him because she needed to think a bit.
The car trip was silent. Derek was getting frustrated with her for not saying anything. So he had music playing. The music that the two of them loved. The songs they danced at their wedding to. The songs they danced at their school proms to and the songs that they listened to growing up to as teenagers. The cheesy love songs that they sang to each other and all the other songs they mucked around with when they were together. It brought memories swarming back and she smiled as she looked out the window at the passing world.
After nearly three hours in the car he pulled up in the car park at the bed and breakfast. Grabbed both of their bags and carried them inside.
"Hi I have a reservation under Shepherd."
The receptionist looks at her computer screen and then looks back up.
"Shepherd, checking in today and leaving Monday the 19th of March?"
"Yes."
"Ok, can I just get your credit card details and I shall get your room key." She says.
Meredith stood beside him a hand on his arm. Just so she felt protected.
"You two will be in room 12. More details about dinner, breakfast and other things are in your information books in your room. Enjoy your stay." She says with a bright smile.
Derek hands Meredith the key to their room and they head up to their room.
Derek opens the door and lets her walk in first. She is blown away at how beautiful the room is. It was only a bed and breakfast but it was beautiful. A king size bed. Views of the vineyards and the small town. A fire was in their room and the bathroom was fitted with a huge bathtub. It wasn't anything modern. It was a romantic place something that they needed.
When she turned back to Derek he was standing there with the bags at his feet. They stood in an awkward stance and looking at each other awkwardly.
"Do you want to get a late lunch and go for a walk?" He asks.
She nods her head and they leave the room together. She was holding his arm again as he lead her through the streets of the small town to a café. They ordered lunch and ate lunch in silence.
She had the camera in her bag and as they walked the town she took photographs of where they were. To remember where exactly they came for their anniversary and to capture the beautiful, old town.
They spent a couple of hours walking around the town when they came back to their room. They had bought some supplies from a small corner shop and a bottle of wine.
"I'm going to call home. Just to check on the kids."
She made a quick call on the balcony. Derek lit the fire and laid a blanket out in front of the fire. He lay there and waited for Meredith.
"They are fine. They quite like the idea of staying with Poppy and Uncle Jackson and Aunt Charlie and Aunt Jasmine. They want to stay there more because they are getting spoilt. Going to the movies and bowling tomorrow and going for ice cream tonight."
Derek smiles at her and she comes and sits down beside Derek with a fair space between the two of them.
They sat in a quiet silence. Just watching the fire burn with a million things racing through their minds.
The silence was killing him. He was getting angrier as the silence continued.
"I took you on a trip for our honeymoon and you have not said one word. You haven't thanked me you haven't said anything besides the kids at what food you want. You were silent in the car and now you are silent. We are sitting here. A weekend alone. No kids no work and all we are doing is sitting here in silence." He says angry.
The two stay silent for a few moments. He had counted to ten in his mind and it calmed him down to speak to her again.
"I am not going to spend a weekend away in silence especially our anniversary. We should be spending it in loving embraces, spending it loving each other and celebrating the fact that we have gotten this fair in our marriage, through the hard and the god times and talking about the next 50 years together." He says. "That's what I was hoping to do. Not staying here in silence."
She looked at him and then to the fire then back to his blue eyes pleading for reassurance.
"I need a drink before we start talking."
Thoughts would be great. They really are on the road to mending and they will discuss, cry and apologise for the pain and hurt they have suffered.
