Touches You
His voice was raw from all of the talking. He had told Hermione everything: all of the dreams (including the blissful one he just woken from), Scorpius giving him his cloak back, Malfoy's past relationship with Isaac, and the conversation they had regarding the foedus. And surprisingly when he was all said and done he had just realized she never once interrupted him. She just sat next to him listening intently and nodding in encouragement every time Harry looked up to make sure she was still there.
At last he turned to her and croaked out, "Well…what do you think?"
Her brown eyes twinkled over the glass of wine she was drinking. She set her cup down on the coffee table and gave Harry a warm knowing smile. "You love him, don't you?"
"What?" Harry asked in alarm, feeling as if he'd just been slapped. She giggled, shaking her head and that sound did nothing to help the nerves that he suddenly started to feel. Love? How could he love Malfoy? Perhaps he had in the past but things were different now, things were complicated.
She reached over for the bottle and poured the remaining contents into Harry's empty glass. Harry took a larger gulp than usual, suddenly feeling the need to calm himself in whatever way he could. "Oh Harry, it's so painfully obvious. But if you want to do the men-have-no-feelings thing, then go right ahead. I know you're in denial and it's ok."
"Hermione!" Harry yelped. "Please. I honestly don't know, ok? I can't even kiss him. How can you fall in love with someone you can't even touch? What if when I get the chance it'll be awful?"
She let out a small snort and said matter-of-factly, "Oh it won't. Hell even in school, the tension between you two was so intense. No one could get under your skin the way he did. And then you started following him around and getting obsessed. Part of me secretly wondered if there was more there, especially the time you were considering ditching Quidditch to go follow him." She paused and picked up her glass again. "I think this has been going on longer than both of you even realize and clearly it's deeply rooted within you for you to be able to bring up those memories."
Sighing, Harry let it be for now. He wasn't going to have an argument over whether he had deeply rooted feelings for Malfoy. That was something he just didn't want to talk about. So he changed the subject by asking, "So what should I do? About the marriage commitment?"
"Yours or his?" And Harry winced, not even once thinking about Ginny. Hermione didn't miss his facial expression and added, "Harry, if you are seriously going to try and break the foedus you really need to consider what this is going to mean for your own marriage. You can't keep going on like this. You are going to have to make a decision."
He knew this of course. He just didn't want to think about that for now. All he wanted to do was ask her for advice on the marriage bond that Malfoy was having to endure. But of course she directed the conversation to an even more unpleasant topic. Yes, Hermione had a point and she was absolutely right. Harry just didn't want to hear her lecture about Ginny.
Sure enough, she went on anyway. "Harry, I think it's really nice that you are trying to figure out what's going on between you and Malfoy. It sounds like the two of you really could be something. But, Ginny is my sister. You're my best friend. This is really putting me in an awkward position."
He took a sip of what was left of his drink before asking, "What do you think I should do? I do love her. I love the kids. I love the life we had. It's just…well." Harry frowned, pondering for a second. Ginny was always there for him when he got back. He left her to go hunt Horcruxes. He left her when he found Malfoy. She was there when he came back. He could go back to her now. She'd probably take him back. The thought was sickeningly comforting.
"You're right," Harry muttered. Hermione's eyes widened, obviously not expecting those words. "You're right," he repeated. "I can't keep going on like this. This isn't fair to her. She deserves much more than what I have been giving her."
"Harry…"
"She's always taken me back. I've betrayed her trust. I may not have cheated on her on a physical level. But my mind has wandered. She's been nothing but loyal, a great mother. And I know I could go back to her, ask for forgiveness, and after a while she'd give me that."
He frowned deeply, setting his empty glass back on the table. "The thing is, I don't think I want to go back. I…well, I want to see where this thing with Malfoy leads. I've never felt anything quite like this before. It's a scary feeling, but I want to see this through. I want to free him from this-as crazy as that may sound."
"So what are you going to do?" asked Hermione.
His gaze met hers. "I'll talk to Ginny, if she'll even listen to me. If she doesn't want to see me, I'll understand. Maybe you could talk to her and console her? I know it's me that fucked everything up. Tell her I'm an absolute prick and don't deserve her." Harry laughed bitterly at his last statement, standing up from the couch and taking both their glasses into the kitchen.
"You are either an absolute moron or you have it bad," Hermione called after him, smirking. She heard him fumble in the kitchen from her words and her smile grew. Even though she hurt for Ginny and what she'd be going through, she was slightly relieved for Harry's revelation. It had been far too long since she had seen him genuinely happy.
For her, Harry and Ginny were simply going through the motions of marriage. In the beginning they seemed just as crazy for each other, but as the years passed Hermione noticed things were not quite the same. It was all little things, really. Harry stopped taking her coat off for her when they'd stop by to visit, Ginny stopped making his cup of tea for him (because, she argued, she never seemed to get it just right anymore), and 'we' seemed to be cropping up less and less in their shared conversations with Hermione. It was now Ginny is going to do this, Harry is going to do that.
They were living two different lives with two totally different careers. Ginny would be gone for weeks at a time, traveling the country either while she played for the Harpies or when she was writing about them. Harry was traveling just as much, trailing after criminals in seedy parts of the world. Then when he got Head Auror his trips were less frequent and he was tied to a desk more than anything. He stayed home more. And even with Ginny being gone for sometimes a month at a time, Harry never once raised any concern that Hermione could see. It was almost as if he hadn't even known that he should miss his wife. Perhaps he just didn't.
"Maybe it's a little bit of both," Harry said sheepishly, walking back into the living room. It took Hermione a second to remember what they were even talking about, but once she figured it out she gave him a small smile.
"Well, you'd have to be a moron to just dump your marriage of over 15 years for Malfoy," she snorted, amused.
Harry sighed, running his hands through his hair. Thinking for a minute he said, "Well, to be fair, I did dump Malfoy for her first. Then there's the whole 'I don't even remember what happened' bit. And I gotta tell you, Hermione, if those dreams are any indication about what we've had…" He trailed off. His Adam's apple bobbed as he gulped, his throat suddenly dry. "Yeah, I think I've got it pretty bad," he confessed feebly.
"Right!" Hermione clapped, startling Harry. She sniggered and went on, "So, we need a plan. Can't touch, can't do anything to threaten the bond. Can't kill Astoria. Perhaps we should just tackle the source of all this trouble in the first place, hmm?"
"What? Lucius Malfoy?" She simply nodded and Harry sighed in exasperation. "Hermione, he did this to punish him. I don't think I can just march down there and ask him to remove the thing. You remember that he's not generally a nice person, right? I mean, he did practically try to inadvertently kill Gin second year."
"Perhaps you could offer him something in return?" Hermione asked, quirking a brow.
Harry gasped at the implication. "You want me to pardon him?"
Shrugging he heard her say, "Well, if it works, it works."
"I can't do that. That'd go against all sorts of ethics! Hermione! I can't believe you just said that! Wherever you took my friend, I'd really like her back right about now, please!" He looked over at her in disbelief and then she was laughing, loudly, clutching her side.
"Sorry," she gasped out, wiping a tear from her eye. "I just wanted to see how far you'd take this. Glad to see you haven't thrown out all your morals just yet."
Rolling his eyes he muttered, "I think you've had enough to drink, lightweight."
Giggling, she stood up from the couch and stretched. "Oh perhaps. But I'm not silly enough to get toasted on a work day. I'm off today-got to take Rose to the dentist and get her braces taken off."
Then it hit Harry. Today was Thursday. Technically, he still had to work today. His eyes darted to the clock over the mantel and saw that it was already past 10. "Shit," he exclaimed, standing up and heading for the stairs. "I better get going."
"Oh relax, Harry!" shouted Hermione. Harry paused in his climb up the stairs and heard her say from below, "Ron's got it. He can handle it, really."
He turned, took the few steps back down and looked over at her. "What? You sure? I haven't even told him I was planning on taking off…"
"Oh, come off it. The minute we heard what happened between you and Gin we kind of figured you needed some time." Harry opened his mouth to argue but she waved him off, "Seriously, relax. I already talked with Jennifer and she said she'll clue him in on the meeting you have today with Apparation and Misuse."
"Wow, thanks Hermione." He paused before adding, "You're a great friend."
She beamed, her perfect teeth flashing. "Oh, I know." She started to make her way back to the kitchen now. "So, now that bottle is finished, how about another? Do you have any champagne? We could make mimosas. Those may be more appropriate for this time of day, y'know."
Laughing, he showed her to where he kept the wine rack. And with each glass he emptied with her, the better he felt about the whole situation. Sure, his marriage was a wreck. But at least he had great friends, a great job, and great kids. He also had this thing with Malfoy and Harry was more determined than ever to make sure he could have him too.
That night when he returned to the hospital Malfoy's room was already occupied with other visitors. Harry shrunk back in the corner of the room, hidden under the cloak. Jake and Seamus were there—Seamus at the nearby chair, Jake sitting on the bed with Malfoy.
"Did they say how long they are going to keep you?" asked Seamus.
Malfoy shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Just the end of the week. If I'm fully healed, I may be able to be released tomorrow."
"Oh, if you get out tomorrow do you wanna go to Broomsticks? Karaoke night! And you know Jeremy will be there..." trailed off Jake, looking wistful. Harry leaned in, suddenly curious as to where this conversation was going.
"Ugh fuck Jeremy," groaned Malfoy, covering his face in his hands.
"What? You mean you already have? Is he not good or something?" Jake looked at him in disbelief, "I mean, we've all seen how his trousers fit him. Hung like a centaur. Did he not know how to handle his wand?"
Seamus cackled and Malfoy groaned further in irritation. "No, I've not fucked him," he muttered through his hands. Harry couldn't explain the feeling of relief from hearing those words. Somehow, Harry didn't like the idea of this Jeremy guy at all. Even thinking about it made Harry feel something in the pit of his stomach turn.
"Well let's go then! Just a few weeks ago you were eying him like the new Nimbus model. And I'm sure he's not forgotten you, of course." The twisting in his stomach increased in intensity and Harry felt his heart thudding in his chest.
Sighing, Malfoy slid his hands down his face. "Jake, I know you're trying to cheer me up but it's not needed. I'll just be happy to get out of this room and go home. You guys can go the bar without me. You'll have fun."
Seamus and Jake snapped their heads in his direction and Jake gasped. "What? Go to the bar without you? You always go with us, and you always get the hottest guy there. Then you leave us behind to go fuck your newest conquest. Did you hit your head or something? What the hell happened to you?"
Now Harry felt sick. And he knew he was being ridiculous. It wasn't like him and Malfoy had an established relationship or anything. But somehow he couldn't stop the feeling of jealousy. He was jealous of all these men—hell even Astoria. They could all be with him and yet Harry couldn't. For some horrible unknown reason, it seemed like the world was meant to fuck with him.
"I guess nearly dying changes your perspective on some things," Malfoy said.
"You never did tell us what exactly happened," Seamus pondered, looking over at his friend curiously. "You said you had some magical burns? Potions accident?"
"Yeah, something like that," Malfoy lied, not meeting his eyes. Both Seamus and Jake watched him carefully for a moment, as if not entirely buying it. Neither of them said anything though, and quickly changed the topic of conversation.
Harry couldn't pay much attention to what else they were saying. Vaguely he could hear Jake mentioning something about a girl Seamus was interested in. But Harry's mind was elsewhere—on Malfoy. So he hadn't told his friends what had happened. Did they even know about the foedus? Harry highly doubted it, from the reaction he just had.
So that left only him and Malfoy's family that was aware of the bond. And well, the medical staff of course. For some reason Harry wasn't really sure what to think of that. On the one hand, he was strangely pleased that he knew something even Malfoy's closest friends didn't know. On the other, he was slightly upset that Malfoy hadn't told them. Did Malfoy not have anyone to talk to about this with? Was Harry the only one who really had any idea just how much this whole thing sucked?
Seamus and Jake left shortly after with Jake giving him a quick endearing kiss on the cheek as they parted ways. Harry glowered at him from underneath the cloak. Granted it was clearly a friendly gesture and nothing that hinted at anything else. Still Harry was slightly bitter about it even occurring in the first place.
Not a minute after their departure, Harry swiftly removed the cloak. Malfoy jumped, completely startled from his reveal.
"God, Potter! Don't DO that!" He gasped, clutching his chest in alarm.
"Sorry," Harry smiled, sitting down at his spot at the foot of the bed. Now within a closer range, Harry couldn't help his traveling eyes. He gave Malfoy an appreciative once over, drinking in his appearance. He noticed the mark on his neck was completely vanished now. "You look better," he said without thinking.
"And you look just as helpless as ever," Malfoy retorted. His tone of voice didn't match the slight crinkle at the corner of his eyes. It was almost as if he was trying not to smile. It made Harry grin wider. "Honestly, do you own any clothes that aren't a decade old?"
Chuckling, he shook his head. "No, not really. I wear my work clothes more often than not. The only new clothes I get every year is a Weasley sweater for Christmas. Sometimes I get socks..."
"Merlin, Potter! Are you that unfortunate?" A fine pale blonde eyebrow rose. "I'm sure I could get Jake to help you out with a new wardrobe if you'd like."
"God, no!" wailed Harry. "I'd rather not look like the cabana boy cleaning out a pool in Miami, thanks."
He wrinkled his nose at Harry. "Ugh, no. Jake wouldn't make you look like a servant. Though with your current attire, I'm sure that's a look you are pretty used to." His eyes met Harry's and if he hadn't seen the flicker of playfulness in those grey eyes Harry might have been insulted.
"Cabana boys aren't servants, really," Harry chuckled.
"If they are some sort of muggle, I wouldn't really know Potter." The Malfoy of twenty years ago might have bit that retort out. The Malfoy sitting here with Harry had no malice in his voice though. Harry liked this change and their banter back and forth.
"I noticed you didn't tell your friends about what I did to you," Harry said, changing the subject. "They don't know about the marriage bond, do they?"
Malfoy sighed, shaking his head. "No, of course not. They think we are married for our own mutual benefits. Astoria has financial security and I have my political reputation. The Malfoy name has increased in popularity due to our marriage and we are no longer feared like we once were. I could tell them the truth, but really I'd prefer not to. I don't need their pity. I just want to be treated like a normal bloke for a change. Jake and Seamus are surprisingly the closest friends I've ever had." His eyes bore a serious expression as he told Harry, "Don't tell them I said that though."
Harry let out a small laugh before he replied, "Of course not, Malfoy. I'll just use it for blackmail later."
Malfoy's trademark smirk was in place upon his lips. "How very Slytherin of you," he said, his eyes twinkling in mischief. Harry felt his heart thud harder in his chest and his mouth went dry. Who knew Malfoy's smirk of all things could make Harry feel like this?
"Right," Harry croaked out. "So, I've been thinking about how to get rid of the bond. Have you considered talking to your father about this? He put it on you perhaps he could take it off. I mean, you've produced an heir now. Surely that should be enough..."
The smirk was gone in a flash. Malfoy's eyes darkened and he glowered at Harry. "Don't you dare bring my father into all this. The man is a bastard and he did this to us. He loves the mess he created and there's no way in hell he'd change his mind."
"I could offer him an incentive. Maybe even change his sentencing..."
Malfoy growled out, "To hell with that! He is right where he belongs! The fucker erased your memory, Potter. He gets nothing!" He was seething now, his chest rising and falling rapidly. His eyes burned through Harry under the intensity.
"Wait, he erased my memory?" Then it all seemed to add up to Harry. "He knew about us, didn't he?" he asked in alarm. "He cast the memory charm to get me away from you. Then he put up the bond to reinforce it." If Harry wasn't already sitting, he would have felt his knees weaken under his weight. "Wow...that's...insane."
"Understatement of the century," Malfoy drawled out. "That's why he's right where he belongs. He's under tight supervision so he can't do any more evil plotting anymore. And he's under the care of muggles. It's fitting, really."
Harry ran a hand through his hair, taking in the new information. A huge part of him was infuriated that his life could be so fucked by Lucius Malfoy. To think Harry was actually considering lessening his sentence. Now, with his fists clenched at his sides, all he could see was red. Harry could re-open his case with this new information. He could try him for more crimes and more than likely put him in Azkaban. Perhaps he could even override the Wizard ethical laws that forbade the Kiss.
Malfoy must have sensed his fury because in the next second Harry felt a burning touch on his thigh. Harry's eyes darted to his leg quickly, and sure enough Malfoy was running his fingers over his trousers. "It's ok," he whispered, leaning closer to Harry. His pale thumb trailed the inseam of his pants and Harry lost all rational thought.
The touch felt like a bee sting, but Harry couldn't care. He was on autopilot, leaning closer into Malfoy. Their lips were at the same distance as yesterday, each of them poised carefully—close enough to feel their breaths mingling, but still not close enough.
He felt the hand leave his thigh and Harry frowned. Malfoy withdrew it up to his own face and Harry looked on, noticing the pink tinge to his fingertips. Then he brought his fingers into his mouth and he was sucking on them. Harry's breath caught in his throat, watching the pink of his tongue darting out to caress his skin.
This was torture. Malfoy drew in his index finger completely and let out a soft moan. Harry felt himself turn to mush, and it was really rather pathetic. He never felt harder in his whole life, simply by Malfoy sucking his own finger. Hermione was right. He had it bad.
With a small pop, the finger came out of his parted lips. His grey eyes lingered on Harry's and he gave him a wicked grin. The prick knew exactly what he was doing and clearly teasing Harry was something he rather enjoyed. This came as no surprise to Harry. They always seemed to tease each other in the past. But this type of teasing was much more thrilling...and dangerous. And Merlin, if Malfoy kept this up Harry'd have no choice but to lose all sense of his declining control. Pinning the man to the bed seemed like a fantastic idea right about now, curse or no curse.
"Tell me," whispered Malfoy over his lips. "Tell me just what exactly you want to do to me right now."
It took Harry a few minutes to form a response because Malfoy was working the buttons of his nightshirt. He watched, transfixed, as more of the pale skin was revealed to Harry. He looked just like Harry dreamed he would and it was so achingly familiar. "I'd...very much like to kiss you right now," Harry supplied. He bit on his lip before muttering, "But I don't want to hurt you, Draco."
Malfoy let out pleasant hum, shrugging the shirt off his shoulders. "Say it again. Say my name again."
He leaned forward the remaining inch that separated them and whispered "Draco," against his lips. And then their lips were brushing, hesitantly at first. A spark of magic flared between them and Harry gasped in shock. But Malfoy didn't hold back. With Harry's mouth gaped open, he plunged forward kissing Harry hungrily. Harry felt the breath completely knock out of him, but couldn't manage much else.
Their tongues writhed against each other, caressing and exploring. The tingle on his lips was increasing and the stinging feeling was getting to be too much. Harry loved the feeling of Malfoy's lips against his, and wanted very much to not break the kiss. But at the same time the burning was beginning to be overwhelming. Reluctantly, they both broke apart at the same time.
His green eyes looked down to Malfoy's lips. They were puckered, red, and starting to chap. Harry sighed, looking on in hunger. Even though kissing Malfoy was something he had been dreaming about pretty regularly, it was nothing like the real thing. It was like a thirst that could never be quenched and Harry selfishly wanted more and more.
"Harry," he said breathlessly. "We have to be careful."
He smiled over at him before playfully saying, "Well, I wasn't the one that deepened the kiss. You were pretty forward."
Malfoy laughed and Harry felt his heart flutter at the sound. It was almost as beautiful a noise as his name uttered from those swollen lips. "True," he murmured. "I don't think I could have helped it. I didn't think I'd ever get to kiss you again."
"Oh we're certainly going to do it again," Harry reassured him. He was pleased to see a small smile on the other man's lips from those words. His smile faltered as Harry added sadly, "But you're right. We have to be more careful. I can't hurt you, nor do I want to. You're about to be released. I don't want to put you back in here."
Sighing, Malfoy stretched his arms over his head. Harry's eyes glazed over Malfoy's exposed chest and stomach. For all his years married to Ginny, Harry was surprised with how the flat panes of Malfoy's chest was so appealing to him. Malfoy was entirely masculine in every sense of the word, and Harry wouldn't have it any other way.
"I have an idea," Malfoy said, his eyes lighting up.
"Oh?" Harry asked, his eyes still stuck shamelessly on Malfoy's hardened nipples. It must have been a little chilly in the room, especially without a shirt on...
He chuckled and Harry snapped his gaze back up to meet his grey eyes. Those eyes flashed a challenge at him, something that brought Harry back to all those years at Hogwarts. "You can look, Potter," he suggested. A flash of movement drew his eyes away. Malfoy hooked his thumbs in the waistband of his pajama bottoms. He started to tug them off and Harry felt his breath leave him. "Just don't touch."
All right, sorry for a "cliff hanger" again. I honestly don't plan on it that way, I just try to keep each chapter around the same length. (Weird like that, I guess). Anyway, thanks again to my lovely beta CaelynAilene for making the chapter flow a little better. And thanks to the reviews from the last update (Aria-Miyazakii, VoldyIsAwesome, Luna, Kigen Dawn). Also a shout out to all of those that have favorited the story. It makes me so happy that people are actually enjoying this almost as much as I enjoy writing it! See ya next time, folks!
