Chapter 12
Piper slammed the front door as she walked back into the apartment, she didn't remember ever being this angry at Alex. She didn't know what to do with all this anger. She wanted to yell and scream, she wanted to throw things, she wanted to run away. But she also wanted Alex to come back to her. She wanted her life to be easier, but not without Alex.
Most of all, Piper wanted her girlfriend to listen to her. She hated the way Fahri immediately dismissed her opinion, and Alex didn't defend her at all. Piper felt like she was being treated like an idiot because she hadn't chosen a life of crime and could never possibly understand their world. She understood enough, she understood that Alex was taking huge risks. She understood that her daughter could end up growing up without one of her parents.
Piper was so angry at Alex for not listening to her. But most of all, she was angry at Alex for not being careful enough with her own life.
Piper slumped onto the couch and stared at the blank tv screen across the room. Diane eventually walked out of the bedroom, where she'd just put Charlotte down for a nap.
Diane sat next to the blonde and placed a hand on her thigh, she could see the strain in Piper's face.
"How'd it go?"
Piper closed her eyes for a moment, swallowed, and tried to not take out her anger on the older woman.
"Shitty..."
Piper let Diane put an arm around her shoulders and pull her in closer, she didn't want to admit how good it actually felt, especially when she wasn't done being angry.
"C'mon sweetie, talk to me."
Piper knew that if she let herself start talking, she might never stop. She was torn between making herself feel better and not wanting to upset Diane.
"I told her I hated her...She won't listen to me Diane. They sat there and dismissed everything I said, she didn't defend me against him, instead she begged me to be quiet."
Piper let her head rest against Diane's shoulder, "She's so fucking stubborn."
"So what's happening next?"
"They're all having a meeting on Thursday night. She has no idea what she's walking into, she won't let me be there, fuck..."
"Where is she now?"
"I don't know..."
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Alex walked back into Fahri's apartment, he handed her a scotch and they both sat down on his brown leather couch.
Alex sipped her drink, wishing it was something stronger, "Am I fucking everything up?"
"You're doing what you need to survive."
"Is that enough?"
"That's all there is Alex. Deep down you know that if you want out, you've got no other options. Piper will never be able to understand that, nobody outside our world ever does."
Alex let herself sink into the couch, "I've hit a wall. There's nothing I can say to make her feel better, so what the fuck am I meant to do?"
Fahri took a familiar glass vial out of his shirt pocket and inhaled the powder inside, then kept sipping his drink. Alex wanted that vial so bad, no matter how much she tried to push it out of her mind.
"You do what you need to do Alex, you've done alot for her."
That answer didn't even make sense to Alex, there were too many different versions of what she needed to do.
"Can I crash here tonight?"
"You know you can. I'll be out for most of the night so you'll have the place to yourself."
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Alex spent the rest of the day lying on Fahri's couch, sleeping and drinking scotch. She was feeling pretty drunk by the time he left for his night out, and she was painfully aware of the fact that she was now alone.
Does it actually matter if I sit here drinking alcohol instead of using heroin? Is drinking the lesser of two evils???
Alex's mind was spinning, she knew exactly where Fahri kept his drugs, and she knew he wouldn't care if she used any. But Piper would definitely care, she'd be so angry, and then there was Charlotte.
She deserves so much better than me, I'm such a fuck up.
Alex was feeling sorry for herself and just wanted to keep drinking. In a way it felt kinda nice. Holding it together all the time was so exhausting, falling apart for one day was almost a relief. But she couldn't do it in front of Piper and Charlie.
What the fuck made you think you'd ever be a good parent. As soon as that kid knows what you really are, she's gonna hate you.
Alex finished the rest of her drink and let herself sink further into the couch. She wanted to sleep, she could escape her reality when she was asleep.
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It was nearly midnight and Alex still wasn't home. Piper's anger had now turned into worry, but she didn't regret telling Alex how frustrsted she was by the whole situation.
Diane stayed, but she didn't seem as worried by Alex's absence, apparently it was a pretty regular occurrence when she was growing up.
"She needs time to herself Piper, time to think. This is her way of trying to process her feelings."
But those words didnt make Piper feel any better.
"She has a daughter now, she can't just run away when she's having a bad day."
Diane eventually decided to call her daughter, more so for Piper's sake than her own. It took a long time, but Alex finally answered, and Diane put her on speaker phone.
"Hello?"
Her voice sounded so unsure, and was so quiet, Diane could tell she was drunk.
"Hey baby."
"Mum?"
"Yeah, where are you?"
"Asleep..."
"Alex, tell me where you are."
But Alex wasn't listening, "Remember the old trailer?"
"I remember."
"It was...our prison...I had to...to get you out."
"Tell me where you are Alex, I'll come get you."
"When he... broke your wrist...I wanted to kill him..."
Diane could hear her daughter breathing heavily into the phone.
"You need to tell me where you are baby."
She could hear Alex struggling to get every word out, she hated knowing that her daughter was so haunted by their past.
"I slapped him that night...That's why he punched me..."
Piper had enough of listening to her girlfriend in this state, she needed to get to her right now.
"Alex, are you with Fahri?"
"Piper?" Alex was genuinely surprised the blonde was talking to her.
"I'm no...no better than him..."
"I'm coming to get you."
"I'd never...hit her...or you..."
Piper had never heard Alex talk like this before, it's like she was seeing a side of her girlfriend that she didn't know existed. She hated it, even if she was still kinda angry at her, she knew Alex would never get physical with her or Charlie, that thought never even crossed her mind. She started to feel guilty for not realising how much Alex was hurting deep down.
"I know Al, you're not anything like that. Please, I just want you home."
But Alex had already hung up, and Piper felt like throwing the phone into the wall. This was the first time she'd really seen Alex break, she had to get to her.
Diane forced Piper to listen to her before she ran out of the apartment, "She never shows that part of herself to anyone Piper, never. Go pick her up and bring her straight back here, I don't want her on her own when she's liked this. I'll stay with Charlie."
Piper nodded and left the apartment, she drove straight to Fahri's place.
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Piper kept banging on the front door to Fahri's apartment, it felt like she was standing there forever until Alex finally opened the front door, she looked horrible. There was no colour in her cheeks, her eyeliner was smudged and her eyes were red. Piper could smell the alcohol on her, but still Alex said nothing, she just stood there leaning against the door frame for support. She couldn't even keep her eyes focussed on Piper, and eventually went back to the couch.
Piper stepped into the apartment and closed the door behind her. She sat on the floor next to the couch, and saw the half empty bottle of scotch on the coffee table.
Alex had rolled over so her back was facing Piper, she just wanted to go back to sleep.
Piper gently put a hand on Alex's arm, "Let's go home."
But all she got in return was silence.
"Please Al, you need to come home."
"Why?" Alex's voice sounded so strained, Piper didn't even recognise it.
"Because you have a daughter, and she's at home waiting for you."
"No, she's not."
"Get the fuck up!"
Alex let the warm tears silently roll down her cheeks, but kept it hidden from Piper.
Piper started to gently rub the brunettes arm, trying to get her to snap out of it.
"I'm sorry I didn't realise how much you were hurting. But we need to go home together, we're a family."
Still no response, Alex was too tired to talk about it anymore.
Piper tried to let go of her anger, squeezed herself onto the small couch and wrapped an arm around her girlfriend from behind.
"Sweetie, you are nothing like those men you grew up with."
Those words seemed to cut through Alex's exterior, and Piper could feel her shaking.
"You're not violent, you're not cold hearted. Please, please come home with me."
Piper could still feel Alex shaking, and leaned over to kiss her on the cheek, "We're so close Al, we can start our lives again when this is all over."
Alex finally rolled over and let Piper kiss her properly, and she felt a different kind of relief.
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Diane could finally breathe again when she opened the door to see Piper and Alex standing on the other side.
Alex hugged her mother as soon as she saw her, squeezing tight. Diane eventually led them to the couch, and guided her daughter to lie down with her head in Diane's lap. Alex closed her eyes and tried to focus on the feeling of her mums fingers running through her hair.
Piper knelt down next to the couch, there was one question that couldn't wait till morning, and she was terrified of the answer.
"Al, did you take anything?"
Piper waited until she opened her eyes, "I wanted to...so bad."
"But did you?"
"No..."
Piper was so relieved to hear that one word. Getting off heroin was the hardest thing she'd ever done, she wasn't sure what she'd do if Alex ever started using again.
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It was almost 3am by the time the two women went to bed, with Diane spending the night in the spare room.
Alex wasn't feeling as hazy as she was back at Fahri's place, but she was definitely still drunk. They were both lying in bed, naked, with Piper cuddling her girlfriend from behind, being careful to not touch the still healing bullet wound.
Charlotte started crying, she'd only been fed an hour earlier so Piper figured she wasn't hungry again. The blonde untangled herself from Alex and picked up the little girl from her crib. Piper brought her into their bed, where Alex was now lying on her back.
Piper slowly placed Charlotte on Alex's chest and slipped back under the covers. Alex instinctively wrapped her arms around her daughter, holding her tightly. Charlotte slowly calmed down and stopped crying, eventually falling asleep again on her mother's chest.
"She'll always need you Al."
Maybe that was all Alex needed to hear, at least that's what Piper hoped.
A/N
Hello again. You could say that nothing much really happened in this chapter, but I felt Alex needed to break, and I didn't want to rush it. She's lived under huge pressure for a while now, she's always been the strong one, it's not sustainable. I also feel like Piper has grown alot, she is strong enough to take care of Alex.
I love reading all your reviews.
Cheers.
