House of Cards
They had to stay near the Brecilian Forest a day longer than planned because of Alyssa's wounds. Thankfully she seemed mobile enough for Morrigan to begin her shapeshifting training. Alistair didn't notice much in the way of magic being used, but Alyssa seemed to have an endless string of questions. The physical training looked more like meditation and exercise than anything magical. As long as he didn't end up a frog they could do whatever they liked. The women had been training since early that morning, but when the light started to fail Morrigan called an end to the training and Alyssa returned to her tent to rest for a while.
Alistair turned the last of the skewered trout on the fire before calling the others to dinner. A nearby stream loaded with freshwater fish was a welcome change from dry rations. Ashfur lumbered over with his dark tongue hanging out of his mouth. He drooled and whined at Alistair. The Warden smirked, giving the dog a good scratch behind the ears. "Here you go, pup." He took one of the fish off the spits and tossed it to the Mabari. "Have at it boy." He looked around the camp. "Where's Alyssa?"
The dog grunted in response and looked up from his fish, jutting his nose in the direction of her tent. He turned back to his dinner.
Alistair approached Alyssa's tent and heard her speaking to someone else inside. "I've never done this before."
Who was she talking to?
The other voice was instantly recognizable. "Don't worry my dear, you are in good hands."
Zevran! Why the hell was he in her tent? All sorts of unsavory things ran through his mind making his blood boil, but before he was able to grab the tent flap he was pushed back by the Mabari.
"Grrrrrr!"Ashfur growled at Alistair and shook his head. It was clear the dog didn't want them to be disturbed.
Alistair didn't give a damn how close the dog and the elf were. He grabbed Ashfur's ear roughly and whispered though gritted teeth, "If you don't shut up I'll never feed you again!"
The Mabari winced, slinking off to the fire with his head and haunches low to the ground. Alistair glared at him.
He heard Alyssa's voice again, "Wait, I'm not ready."
"Just relax. You're doing fine." Zevran's voice was like silk.
Alistair blushed up to his hair line. There was no way they were doing, you know, that. Right? She was smart enough to resist the elf. He must be just taking things out of context. Any minute now Alyssa would force him from her tent shooting little flames at him. That would should him who's boss. Alistair waited.
"Wow," she breathed, "It's so big already."
Zevran chuckled, "You seem so surprised. How big did you think it was supposed to be?"
"I dunno. If it gets much bigger we might have to do this outside."
Andraste's flaming sword!
Alyssa's voice grew louder with excitement, "Yes, yes, yes!"
"Almost there!"
That was it. Alistair reached into the tent and grabbed an arm and pulled Alyssa out of the tent. "Holy balls!" she screamed. She was still fully clothed. Zevran followed and to Alistair's surprise, he was also fully clothed.
Zevran shouted at him, "What the hell is the matter with you? You could have torn her wounds open, you stupid oaf!"
Alistair ignored him. "What in the Maker's name were you two doing in there?" he yelled, giving her a good shake.
"None of your damn business," she pulled her arm out of his grasp and scowled. "Certainly nothing that constitutes yanking me out."
He wagged his finger at her and then pointed to Zevran. "I'm not leaving you alone in your tent with him. You know, you let him get entirely too close to you. Now he's in your tent where no one can see what he's doing? Oh no, I forbid it." He brought his wrists together, one crossing the other and moved his open hands down and away in a slashing motion.
Alyssa raised her eyebrows, "I don't give a fiddler's fart what you forbid. I'm an adult and you're not my damn father." Her head was swiveling side to side, her words becoming more heated.
"I'm not trying to be. I'm trying to keep you alive! He's an assassin, Alyssa. Don't be stupid. Using charm is what he does to get close to people before… you know!"
"That's perfect. In three minutes you managed to manhandle me out of my tent, question what I was doing in it, patronize me, and then call me stupid."
"I'm just trying to keep you from making a mistake."
"What mistake?" she gestured toward him with both hands open.
"Well it sounded like...like he was...you both could have been..."
"Andraste's knickerweasels," she hit her forehead with the palm of her hand. "You thought we were having sex?" When she wanted it to her voice could carry, and this time, boy did it ever. Alistair became keenly aware of the many pairs of eyes turning their way. Right before he tried to tell her to lower her voice, Alyssa shouted, "Who the fuck died and put you in charge of what happens inside and outside of my vagina!"
The jaws of both men dropped. The Chantry raised Warden almost choked on the embarrassment that shot through him. All thoughts and words were obliterated by Alyssa's outburst. She was as close to a little sister that he would ever have and to hear her yell about her…private…area, well it was just too much to handle. He could do nothing but sputter.
Zevran looked just as stunned, but nowhere near as flustered. He had his head lowered trying to hide a smirk. He brought his right hand up to his forehead and hugged his left arm across his stomach tucking his hand under his elbow. The assassin's shoulders shook with suppressed laughter.
Alistair finally regained the power of speech, albeit a bit high pitched and squeaky. "Holy Divine Mother, you did not just say that!" He brought his hands up to his eyes, not able to look at her.
"What? Vagina?" Loud was an understatement. Every head in the camp was turned their way, even Sandal's though Bodahn had his hands over the lad's ears. Alyssa kept going, "It's not a dirty word, Alistair. Women have vaginas and what they do with them is their own business."
Alistair stuck his fingers in his ears and yelled, "Stop saying that!" Zevran had covered his face entirely as tears were squeezed out the sides of his eyes in an effort to hold back the bulk of the laughter. She wasn't on fire, so that was a good sign.
"Vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina, vagina!"
Alistair had officially turned every shade of red known to man and quite possibly a few more yet undiscovered. He sank to his knees and covered his head unable to handle the spitfire mage and praying to the Maker that she didn't yell out any other female parts. Zevran burst into reels of laughter. His shoulders bounced, he doubled over holding his sides, and his cheeks were filled with a rosy blush. The Grey Warden, slayer of darkspawn, and Ferelden's only hope of survival had just lost her mind and started screaming about her vagina loud enough to summon the archdemon.
Alyssa held her hand open at him waving it in a circular motion. "I can't deal with you right now!" she headed for the tree line. Leliana chased after her.
When Alistair finally pulled his fingers from his ears, Zevran clapped his hands slowly. "Bravo my friend. You certainly handled that like a man."
Alistair jumped to his feet and glared at the elf. "Shut up! This is all your fault!"
Zevran rolled his eyes. "Yes, you're absolutely right. How stupid of me."
"It is, damn it!" He pointed at Zevran, "If you hadn't been sneaking into her tent none of this would have happened. It's all your fault!" A weight had settled in his chest turning his stomach upside down. It was all wrong, all of it just came out all wrong, and now he felt miserable. It must have shown clear as day on his face, because Zevran touched his arm.
"Alistair," he said softly, "she loves you as a brother. If you go to her and apologize she will forgive you. But first you need to understand why she is so upset."
"She's mad because I'm an idiot."
"Partly, but that is not the real reason."
He sneered, "And you're going to tell me?"
"Stop acting like a child. It's unbecoming." Zevran narrowed his eyes. "Your leader, Duncan I believe, saw fit to make her a Grey Warden, yes? She has traveled through Ferelden recruiting armies, battling werewolves, and preparing to kill an archdemon yet you treat her like a child when she is alone with another man. Which is it? She is woman when she has a job to do, but child when it comes to companionship?"
"Well I don't know what your intentions are with her!" Alistair snapped. "You did try to kill us all, remember?"
"And now I owe her a blood debt since she has spared my life," Zevran said, "but that is not the problem here, is it?"
Alistair shook his head, "I don't follow."
"Would you have reacted the same way if a different man was in her tent?"
"I…" Alistair thought about it for a moment. In the little towns they visited for supplies he had noticed when men would look at her with desire and he always made sure to stick close to her, shooting them warning looks. Guilt swelled up in his chest, "Oh bugger…but I only want to protect her. Some men can be really horrible."
Zevran said, "Let's take that a step further. You are with Leliana, her best friend. How do you think she feels seeing you both together and not having that kind of companionship?"
Alistair winced, "And I just made it seem like she can't have that, didn't I?"
Zevran nodded.
He put his hand across his eyes, "She must hate me now."
"My dear Alistair, if she hated you she would not be so upset." Zevran took him by the arm and led him in the same direction Alyssa and Leliana had walked. "Apologize to her and she will forgive you. She seems to have a great affection for men who put their foot in their mouth. Come, you know what happens when women commiserate about the men they choose."
"Why are the pretty ones always so complicated?" Alistair followed Zevran.
"It's the smart ones you need to look out for. They happen to be both."
Cool night air laced through her fur as Morrigan trotted back through the darkened forest clenching a dead rabbit firmly in her jaws. Her paws fell silently in the dirt and leaves littering the ground. Everything smelled of sticky metallic blood, but under that was the moss and decay of the woods. Running among the trees always made her feel free, wild, powerful. Now it was time to return to camp. When she left, Alistair had been roasting fish over the fire. On her way back, Morrigan slipped through the undergrowth and past the pond not far from where they had set up. She didn't expect to see Alyssa and Leliana deep in conversation. Well, that was a bit of an understatement. Leliana was seated on a rocky outcropping near the pond while Alyssa paced back and forth shouting about how Alistair was being an idiot. Morrigan decided to stay hidden and have her meal while she watched.
"He's just having a 'big brother' moment," Leliana said, trying to calm the Warden down, "I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it."
"He doesn't trust me, that's what it comes down to," Alyssa yelled. She shook her head, "All this time, all we've been through. He wanted me to make the heavy decisions, but he doesn't trust me to make a good choice when it comes to being with someone else. He waited until the last minute to tell me he's a prince!"
"He does trust you. He's just confused."
Alyssa made a razzing sound with her lips, "Confused my ass! At the end of the day all he sees is an apostate. I'm not a friend or a Warden, just an apostate. It's not fair!"
She was quite the fool for hanging her hopes on a Templar. 'Twas bad enough that she desired more from the assassin, but if she thought for a moment that a Templar and a mage would ever be equals then her naiveté would eventually get her killed. Morrigan ripped off a piece of the rabbit's hind leg with her long canines and chewed the sinew, blinking her yellow eyes.
Leliana sighed, "Alyssa, think about Alistair. Think about what he's really like. I don't believe he sees 'apostate' when he looks at you. I think he sees 'sister.' Zevran did try to kill you once before."
"And he's saved me a few times since!"
"I didn't say Alistair was right. I agree with you," Leliana said. "When you decide to be intimate with Zevran is your choice."
Alyssa stopped pacing. Her hands fell to her sides and all anger and frustration vanished leaving an air of tension. Leliana rose to her feet, "Alyssa…Alyssa what's wrong?"
Her jaw worked. A hard swallow flash at her throat and it was a few moments before she spoke. "I can't." She turned her back to Leliana. "I can't be with him, I just can't."
Something fluttered in Morrigan's stomach. The way Alyssa went suddenly still, as if she could keep control by ceasing to move or make noise. Leliana seemed to know what was troubling her.
"It was that man that took you after your father died," the sister said. "He hurt you didn't he."
Alyssa nodded.
"It must have been very frightening." Leliana touched Alyssa's arm. "I've seen how move. You don't let anyone stand behind you if it can be helped. After you were hurt, I overheard Zevran asking if Wynne could tend to your wounds a second time, because you were nervous about having your back touched. But the crossbow bolt went through your chest."
Alyssa shuddered. She slowly brought her hand up and with a slight motion, almost too hard for Morrigan to see, she flicked her wrist in a whipping motion. Morrigan put the pieces together as Leliana gave voice to what happened.
"How long did he have you whipped?"
Alyssa held up all five of her fingers.
"Days?"
She shook her head.
"Weeks?"
She nodded.
Leliana pressed her hands together and put them to her lips. She whispered, "Andraste's tears." She lowered her hands. "Alyssa I am so sorry."
Alyssa shook her head. Through all of it Morrigan noticed not once did the Warden cry. She expected it. Her own emotions screamed outrage at the sniveling coward who would have a woman caged and whipped, but there was little to be done about it now. The fact that Alyssa had broken free of her captor earned Morrigan's respect. Her refusal to weep over it won her admiration, though she would not begrudge Alyssa her tears.
"How did you escape?" Leliana asked.
Alyssa spoke softly, "After the worst of the beatings I woke up in a bedroom alone. There was a wedding gown on a dress form with a note attached to it." She swallowed thickly. "It said 'I own you.'"
Morrigan bristled.
"I took off the bloody rags I was wearing, put on the dress and found my way to the roof." The spirit in her eyes went dead. Her arms hung loosely at her sides. "I jumped." A long silence followed.
"Did he—"
"No," Alyssa said sharply. "He was saving that for last. Idiot made the mistake of leaving the doors unlocked." She grabbed Leliana's arm, "You cannot tell Zevran or Alistair! Alistair won't be able to keep his mouth shut and Zevran…" she swallowed hard, "…you can't tell him."
"He has plenty of scars himself," Leliana said, "and he's not the type that would think them ugly or repulsive."
Alyssa's voice was strained an high pitched, "Fuck the scars! Who cares about that? I don't even know why he's interested in a scruffy looking, chubby girl like me, but whatever floats his rowboat." She ran her hands through her hair. "He sees the mess of my back and hears this story…he'll think I'm weak. That I asked for it. That I didn't try hard enough." It was only then that she started crying, "He'll think it's my fault." Leliana pulled Alyssa into a hug, making sure to keep her arms around her neck and not her back or waist. The Warden sobbed into her robes. "That's why I keep brushing him off. If he sees…oh sweet Andraste! And I want to, I really, really do. But I'd rather push him away now than have him blame me for this, because it is my fault! It's all my fault. All of it."
Morrigan shook her dark shaggy head. The girl was being irrational. She held no love for Zevran, but even she knew that the elf would not pass judgment. It wasn't him. If anything, Zevran would hunt down the coward and bring back his heart on a spit, just as she was contemplating.
Leliana cupped Alyssa's wet face in her hands gently guiding their eyes to meet. "It's not your fault. That man was depraved. Yes, you stole from him. That much you are culpable for, but that did not give him any right to do what he did. You are a person, not property."
"It's my faul—"
"Not your fault." Their foreheads touched. "Not your fault."
"He wants to be with me." Alyssa was holding on to Leliana's waist. "What am I going to say to him? What do I do? I'm not ready to tell…I…I can't."
Leliana took a step back. She was smiling and the tip of her tongue was peeking out from between her white teeth. "Well…I have a few ideas actually."
Alyssa wiped her eyes with the back of her sleeve. "Uh oh," she allowed a quick chuckle though it sounded like more of a hiccup. "Should I be worried?"
Leliana took off the linen sash that was tied around her waist. She folded it up and placed it into the Warden's hands. "All it takes is a little creativity," Leliana smiled. She pointed to the sash, "Blindfold."
Alyssa's face brightened for a quick moment before she frowned, "But he can still feel them."
"So tie him down or use your magic to push him around."
"I…wow, I didn't think about that."
"Pleasure him. Let him get naked. He seems like the exhibitionist type anyway." She nodded, "Why is it always the women that have to be naked?"
"Oh lord." It was hard to see colors in the low light, but the way the apples of her cheeks rose and the corners of her eyes crinkled, Morrigan could tell she was blushing. She was about to step from the shadows when Alistair and Zevran came blundering through the trees. For an assassin, he could be very heavy on his feet. Of course it was probably to alert Leliana and Alyssa of their arrival more than mere accident.
Concern crossed both of their faces when they saw Alyssa drying her eyes. Zevran punched Alistair in the arm, "Idiota! Why did you make her cry?"
Alistair calmly turned his head to Zevran and said, "You're gonna hurt yourself a lot faster then you're gonna hurt me, little man."
Alyssa chuckled, "Boys, please, you're both pretty."
Zevran nodded to Alistair. When Alistair stepped toward Alyssa, Zevran shook out his hand and massaged the fingers with a wince.
"I'm sorry, Alyssa," he said. "I acted like a, well like Zev said, like an idiota."
"I'm sorry I embarrassed the hell outta you." She took Alistair's hands in hers and touched his knuckles to her lips, hugging his arms.
Zevran nudged Leliana, "I saw it firsthand. Marvelous."
Leliana grinned, "You're a bad man." He waggled his eyebrows.
Alistair shook his head. "If you don't mind me asking, what were you two talking about anyway?"
"We were making little buildings with a deck of cards," Alyssa said. "The one we had going almost reached to the top of the tent before you hauled me out. It fell."
Alistair tipped back his head, closed his eyes and made a 'pfft' sound.
"Yeah. Whatever you heard was way out of context," Alyssa chuckled. She let go of his hands, "Now if you'll excuse me I have a game of 52 pickup to finish." Leliana followed her.
Zevran gave Alistair a sideways glance. "I should probably join her. She may need help handling the 'one-eyed Jack'." He darted back to camp with a grumbling Alistair close behind.
Morrigan finished her rabbit tartar and licked her lips. Shaking the forest debris from her fur, she decided that rabbit tastes better when in a stew and men, overall, were complete fools.
