RECAP from Chapter 6.5:
Original timeline: Azula ventures to Ba Sing Se to meet with Iroh to retrieve her nephew. Both were stalling for time until suddenly the Fire Nation loyalists storm Ba Sing Se under Azula's name. However, this was a setup by the Hand of Ozai. Within the chaos, she took the opportunity to abducts Zuko's son from Iroh's care and flees the burning city. Azula and her nephew travels the sea and head towards the Fire Nation when she piece together the mastermind behind Zuko's demise and the Fire Nations rebellion against peace was Ozai himself. She intends to use Zuko's heir as the bargaining chip to gain an audience with her fugitive father.
New timeline: Events following after the Last Supper, Ozai teaches Azula methods of torture and interrogation, as his heir. Through the interrogations, they find that the incident was linked to the White Lotus (evidence that Zuko had Shiki staged when she disguised herself as Shiori and left a list of names at the burned flower shop). Later, Ozai exchanges Azula for information on the White Lotus and tests her skills.
Chapter 9.5: Mad Princess
She saw him.
Even in the darkest of nights.
He stood in the midst of sunflowers in that horrid green garment of the enemy's nation. She was disgusted at what he- at what they molded him to be. There is nothing to say to the man he's now, so Azula turns.
"Azula!" Wide were his molten golden eyes that stayed on hers.
How she wished he thought of her as another palace maid... but that wasn't the case when she could hear him chasing. "Azula! You're Azula...right?!" He shouted with such desperation, trailing after her steps in the imperial sunflower patch of Ba Sing Se.
Azula did not stop. She mustn't stop. If he caught her she would be stripped of purpose. She would lose what little freedom she had gain. Zuko would take what she'd worked so hard to get back.
"Wait! Azula! Stop!"
"Why don't you stop for him dear?"
She glared at the apparition beside her. Ursa, a twisted thing she conjured in her weakest moment still acted like the woman she hated as it looks back worriedly at the favorite child. Azula harshly shook the image of Ursa away and continued to mow down the patch of Sunflowers. She will get through this. She fought through a war, been held prisoner, went through rainstorms - sandstorms and survived! Azula had always gotten through worse, alone. This, she will too.
"Azula! Mom is -" His voice was unusually loud in the cold night.
That made her hesitate. In her peripheral, she saw the ghost of her mother pleading for her to listen. Azula will not. She won't! Yet, he knew how to press her buttons.
"You can't find her right?" Then with harsh proclaiment, "And you never will."
It was declared with such conviction that it made her stop sprinting. Azula clenched her fists and bit her lip.
"That's rich coming from you!" She rebuked hatefully. "You were the one who came to me wanting her whereabouts!"
"I know." She could feel his presence behind her. "And... I'm sorry, I really am..." Azula grit her teeth. How dare he say that now! How dare he! She refused to look at him and breathed out words of fire, "You're wrong! Don't you forget - where you fail, I'll succeed!"
She declared it as if plunging a knife in him. Azula could instinctively feel him flinch. But playing the victim had always been Zuko's weapon.
"...she's gone Azula." His reply sounded broken, almost tricking her by how real it sounded.
"Mother is...gone." He repeated as if she hadn't heard him the first time - more so to himself this time.
"Us, we are the proof she'd lived. Please stop this and... come home with me." She didn't miss the hesitation in his voice. "Mom would be happy to see us together again."
Her rage turns to cold anger. She laughed.Was he serious? She knew where this would lead. Zuko was dangling bait to a fish out of water. This part of her brother was one which even he refused to acknowledge, was far crueler than her own. It didn't matter if she proved her sanity or not. He'd still cage her within his twisted logic. Zuko will hand her over to her worst enemy if there were any chance to benefit himself. Imagine how this rotten kingdom would love to tear at her - the Princess who Conquered their unbreachable Walls. They would give anything to rip her to sheds.
She is familiar with the game. She is her father's daughter after all. The fugitive princess' life, in exchange for an army to reclaim his crown. In the end, she'd die in unfamiliar soil far from her homeland. That's the promise her brother says in those sweet words. It was his gift, his kindness to a Mad Princess of a fallen dynasty.
Azula found it hilarious as she scanned her surroundings for possible escape routes. They are passed the point of talking. When she'd lost her nation, there was no home for her to return to. There is little comfort or safety for a world that wants her dead. This new era was filled with her enemies. If she were ever caught, she'd bite off her tongue rather than let others control her fate.
The words come out brittle, "Zuzu, our home is gone. You took it and destroyed it remember?" She heard that it had burned. Thousands died. Many more would too. It's too far gone.
She could sense his frustration, his remorse. Instead of what she expected, her brother dealt her with something unheard of. "Home is not a place, Zula." His eyes showed his grief and hid so much more. "You're my home. The only one I got le-" His words refused to tell her the whole truth.
If he wanted to use childhood nicknames for sympathy points - she'd entertain him. She cut him off, sharp like her lightning, "you're a horrible liar, Zuzu. How can you say something that you, yourself don't believe?" How's that for endearment?
Hurt struck his features. He looked like a small, weak thing that had been forsaken.
She did not yield, "you have all the love and family you'll ever need. A beloved wife to warm your bed, a golden son as your heir, and lets not forget the faithful uncle that wants me dead, just so you'll be safe." She doesn't know what smile she has on, but she hoped he saw the sharpness of her teeth and be wounded by them, "you don't need me." She turned not looking back, "Nor do I need you."
She doesn't know what had happened to him in her absence for it to compel him to say what he does. Whatever it was forced his hand, "I love you Azula, I do."
Those cursed words pierced her deeper than any blade. The impossible made her freeze in place. It was a moment, but it was a moment too long that allowed images of her parent's infidelity to flood her mind.
Love had never existed in their family. Children born from duty and pitted against each other will grow not knowing love. So how could they love? Much less say what they don't mean? She looked up to the moonless skies and saw her breath in the chilly air clouding the sight of millions of stars. Lies, numerous and everlasting.
"I don't believe you."
There was a sharp inhale from him. "Why not?!" He demanded as smoke hissed from his white-knuckled fists.
She looked, truly looked at Zuko for the first time since their Agni Kai underneath that blazing comet. "You don't know love Zuko." She could say it for certain now, "you only imitate what others gives you."
His face morphed into confusion, then anger, perhaps even hurt but soon it became one of the many things unsaid between them.
"Were you so unloved that you can't even see the real thing Azula?" It was asked in such a way that others would weep for the tragic hero her brother has become. They would try to coddle him from the pain, comfort him for his misfortunes. The brother she knew was not the person she now saw before her. The angry boy who once called her monster had died in this foreign land. He is a stranger now.
"If you know love, you would not be here. You would not wear the colours of the enemy." Fire and fury led her steps and lightning crackled in her fist as it reached for the sinister green of his collar.
Azula yanked him close and growled like the warrior princess she was, "you are Fire Lord, you are a dragon! A dragon has the rights to breath fire and rain blood to anyone that steals from them. Find those responsible and show them no mercy. Or have you written off anyone that doesn't stand by you - dead!" There was a cold anger she cannot calm. The mere sight of him made her want to beat him up until he opened his goddamn eyes! Instead she pursed her lips and stated, "Or is that the extent of your great love?"
When she looked, it was clear that her brother was dead. In his place was this fallen King lost to sorrow.
He didn't flinch away, wasn't even scared or angered. Zuko continued to observe her, his brows knitted as his eyes searched. Before she could pull back, he gripped her wrist securing her in place, "you speak as if you know love, Azula."
She shook her head while trying to pull herself back. He didn't allow her space, but tightened his hold as if demanding an answer. For once, Azula gave in her own way, "More than you, I know what's mine." All her life, only the Fire Nation had treated her kindly. That's why she couldn't forgive him for losing it so easily.
His face was inches apart from her as his eyes burned with something she could not read. There was silence and stillness in the air.
Their foreheads touched; she didn't know why she was allowing it. He held her gaze as if he was telling her - she didn't know if he is speaking it - but she heard it all the same.
Your love will burn everything to the ground.
The words filled her vision with red. She's the monster their mother sees reflected in Zuko's eyes.
Azula held her emotions close to her heart. She wouldn't ever admit that she once took a chance at love and it had plunged a blade of betrayal straight into her heart. Nothing good came from it, so she wouldn't ever let it control her again.
"Let go." She managed to bite out with an icy breath. Yet she felt the instinctive tightening of his grip, her bones twisted and skin burnt.
"Let go!" She shouted trying to twist herself from him. She didn't like the blazing resolution in his eyes.
Azula's blue fire ignited in her palm but they were extinguished swiftly. She watched in horror as Zuko unhesitatingly gripped her palm. She witnessed the ugly burns that formed in his left palm knowing it would remain forever scarred like the one on his face.
"Wha-why did you do that?! - are you stupid?!" She sputtered flabbergasted.
There was pain on his face and she saw him holding in the screams. Sadness clouded his features with every word he spoke, "this is what your love looks like Azula." He showed her his deformed hand. "This is not it."
Her beautiful flames burned his palm into a gruesome sight; it was hideous in her eyes and this brought only fury. How dare he touch what she finds most precious and make it into something so ugly!
"Don't get in my way." Her glare were daggers. This was between her and that woman who'd crushed her heart and left her empty.
Yet, his eyes were steel. "I can't let you go." It was an absolution. "Mom is dead, Azula. If I don't look after you…"
Not her. Never her. It's always Ursa he cared about. He sees nothing else.
Her expression closed up. "Then you don't know our mother dearest very well." Her mouth set in a hard line, "let go." Any lesser man would heed her command, "or the rest of you shall burn." She made clear on her threat. Azula was determined to find the woman of her nightmares. She would travel to the end of the world and beyond if she had to. The world owed her this, after having taken everything else.
The princess felt the scald stings on the wrist he refused to let go. The burning sensations she realized were his ultimatum.
"Then we shall burn together."
She had always been able to read him. So it scared her how seriously he had meant it.
"You are mad."
His lips gives a fractured smile. "When you have nothing, you no longer fear."
The conviction was written in his eyes.
In panic she screamed, "LET GO!"
Azula woke up with a jump. She was soaked in her own sweat gasping for breath.
"Azu! Are ywou ok? Bad dream?" The boy beside her fussed in worry.
Azula was up staring down at the small child holding the back of her hand to his chest. The one that still held the burnt scar of gripping fingers on her wrist. For a second she thought her brother had found her again. Panic flooded her until she realized Zuko couldn't be this young and her mind caught up with her brain. Zuko is dead. Azula is free.
"How many times must I tell you not to sneak to my mat? You have your own sleeping spot kid." She reprimand, annoyed and pointing to the boy's abandoned mat beside the dead campfire.
The brat whined, "B -buth ith'sh c-cowd and s-scarwy outh here…" He trembled leaning closer to her and hiding his face from her scrutiny. The boy had done this often. Everytime she would demand that he goes back to his spot as she would watch over him late into the night.
Azula pulled back her hand from the child's grip and released a sigh of relief as she held her right wrist close to her. She then stared down at him, then to the moonless night where the canopy of the forest wraps them in obscurity that she reasoned, "only for tonight brat." She pulled the covers up over them and tuck the child close to her.
She would be his shield from the dark, and he would be her anchor to reality. Only for tonight would she allow this.
The Princess closed her eyes.
She did not sleep.
She did not dream.
108 AG - Spring
He hated this. He was cold and wet and tired from running in the yucky mud or hiding all day. When he did stop, her amber eyes would narrow and he knew he did something wrong. He wanted to cry, but knew that wasn't allowed either. As much as he tried to hold it in, his lips still trembled and Azu had noticed. There's nothing Azu doesn't miss.
"Hurry up!" she'd commanded, sharply enough that his head whipped up to look at her and that had him trip over himself. He fell flat on his face into the mud he hated. He was now more dirty and soaked than in the rainstorm. He hates this! He wants to go back to Gramps…
"Get up!"
He refused to look her in the eyes and shook his head. He had enough. He didn't care if Azu abandoned him anymore. He knew he had been a burden to her all this time and now he was giving her the chance to leave him. She was running away from something above the sky and he was tired of being dragged around!
Being with Azu had many unspoken rules, many things not to do, to see, or say… Being with Gramps and Nan was much easier. Still, he had tried his best so far because he didn't want to be abandoned again. Even though he gave it his all… this is as far as he goes...
He was gripping the mud under his palm preparing for the moment when she would leave him. Unexpectedly he was picked up into her arms as she started running in the storm.
"Azu weave me! I don'th care!" He struggled to get free.
The woman only glanced at him and he knew she saw through him. He clung to her and wept on her shoulder. He told himself that he was wet and dirty and rain water is falling from his face than allows himself the truth. He needed her - he didn't want to leave.
When they were taking shelter in a hollow old tree with no big mammal flying above them, Azu finally said, "if you sprain an ankle, tell me." She paused and looked at him, "you should speak up or I won't know."
He nodded because what she said was true. He never told her he was tired or how he had twisted his ankle from the fall.
After Azu cleaned his wound and wrapped it with a cloth that she tore from her sleeve, she tucked him close to her. He was warm in her arms as they waited for their cloaks and shoes to dry.
When traveling with Azu, it didn't take long to notice that she didn't like close contact. She shied away from it in discomfort. At first he was surprised because Nan and those other aunties loved fussing over him. But Azu only allowed him to be near her when she couldn't start a fire because the people she is hiding from would find her. Sometimes they had to sleep huddled together on cold nights because they couldn't find any firewood. And she knew he was easily cold. After all, he couldn't bend like Azu to keep warm.
"Azu…" he began weakly. She looked at him waiting for him to go on. He liked how Azu was patient with him. He likes Azu. He wanted to stay with her. He also knew what he wanted to ask were things that would make her leave him behind. So he didn't ask why she never called his name, why she always hurt while sleeping or why she was on the run…
Instead, "can I shee your firre?"
There is a moment when he thinks she wouldn't show it. But this time she did as a small blue flame danced in her palm. The first time he saw the pretty blue colour, he was almost burnt from how hot it was. Azu was very mad at him because she must know how badly it felt to be burnt. He was not blind not to notice the dark scar on her wrist - no matter how hard she tried to hide it from him. Maybe that was the reason why she made it a rule to not bend often. He knew not to touch it anymore when she does light it up, but it didn't stop him from admiring how beautiful it was. If only he could bend. If he could bend he would be able to protect Azu - they wouldn't have to run. They could live in a house by the lake and she could teach him to bend beautiful blue flames.
"I won't apologize for shouting at you earlier." She suddenly said.
He looked up at her in confusion but remembered. If he doesn't understand he should ask.
"Why didh you?" There are knots in his stomach. He was scared he had disappointed her again.
Azu played with the fire in her hand. The flame twisted and flickered. They danced and then they died. Darkness fell and the downpour outside was all he heard.
"It stopped you from crying didn't it?" She looked down at him with a smile he didn't remember her ever making before. Looking up into her eyes he slowly nodded.
Instead of asking, 'why can'th I cry Azu?' he asked, "why won'th you cry Azu?" Gramps never stops him from crying, rather his gramps welcomed it and held him until he calms down even though the man didn't know why he cried. Gramps thought he was lonely so he invited those aunties. Those aunties brings their children and those children asked about his parents.
He didn't understand because he only remembered Gramps raising him and Gramps was his parent. They'd look at him funny until one boy told him that his mother said that his parents must not have loved him enough.
Those words hurt even though he shouldn't have been bothered because he couldn't even remember their faces. He asked and Gramps with a sad face said they loved him dearly.
"When you're old enough I'll tell you about your parents." Gramps held such a painful tone that he didn't dare to ask more and just nodded.
But even if they came to get him, he wouldn't be able to recognize them… That would make Gramps sadder. But that worry was baseless because they never did come no matter how good he was. He guessed, like him they must have forgotten too... Remembering them was hard when they threw him away. More so he didn't want to recall the name they'd given him. So in a way he was glad that Azu never called his name like how Gramps would say it fondly.
Azu made a strange expression, but never an answer.
"Sleep. We still have a long day ahead."
She made it sound as if he was the one that didn't want to sleep. He knew that she instead would stay up most nights avoiding it.
He knew Azu was scared of the people she'd meet in her dreams.
Azu was strong, but that didn't mean she didn't need protecting.
He'd become stronger to protect her.
Azula glanced at the sleeping boy in her arms before staring out to the pouring rain. The sound had been buzzing in her ears all this time. It had been distracting since the day of the comet. Out in the rain, huddled near the entrance she heard the weeping of a woman.
Azula ignored the apparition. She instead moved the boy into a more comfortable position in her arms.
"Zuko...Zuko...Zuko! M-my poor, poor boy…Zuko, my child..." The woman with her back turned to her continued to repeat relentlessly.
If she's not asleep, Azula is given this image of Ursa that continued to haunt her. She could never find peace of mind if she had to live with nightmares and seeing a dead woman for the rest of her life.
The rain never stopped as the woman's tears fell. She was a mess and Azula had never seen Ursa so tormented. Azula scrunched up her brows feeling perplexed that the sight didn't make her happy. Once, her younger self would give anything to see her mother suffer. Now she could only handle such annoyance for so long when she only wanted peace and quiet for only a moment before she had to be on the move again.
She hissed and threw wet stones at the thing.
The stones passed through the woman and it made her look up from her spot with red, puffy eyes and immediately Azula regretted her actions. The hallucination was crawling towards her looking pale as a sheet, eyes rimmed with red and dried tears, lips trembling white.
Azula moved as far back as she could. But that would only delay the inevitable.
The ghost leaned down closer to the boy in her arms. Azula instinctively held him closer as if to protect this child from ruin. Ursa is dead. She is dead.
"Blood doesn't lie." The ghost gave a gentle smile like how she would look at Zuko. A place in the woman's heart where Azula could never be. "He looks so much like Zuko when he was young-"
The woman had the audacity to reach for the child. Azula abandoned her oath of silence and forced out a levelled, "don't touch him." The hallucination looked at her as if it has been struck.
The boy woke drowsily in her arms at the sudden momentum when she twisted herself to bring the small life out of the dead woman's reach.
With half lidded eyes he mumbled out, "Azu…?" and reached out to pat her cheek with his small fingers. "Ith'sh ok…" But he quickly shook off the sleepiness and gave her his full attention when he felt her trembling.
"Whath'sh wrong Azu?" His round face scrunched in a look of concern that she wanted to smack it out of him. Doesn't this child know that the world will trample on him if he acted this way? Anyone with an ounce of cunning would use and continue using you until you break and then they would abandon you.
Her traitorous mind inputted: Aren't you referring to yourself?
"Ith'sh ok to cry Azu…" The child patted her head. His image overlapped with a young Zuko in her mind and Azula held her breath. She knew being sleep deprived didn't help keeping the hallucinations away, for Ursa was still there looking at her in hurt, no longer shedding red tears. She also realized that what the child is saying was utter bullshit, but he looked so much like Zuko yet so different. Her brother stopped being supportive when their father took his time to teach her that she was at a loss for words.
Seeing her expression, the young heir to a nation engulfed in flames sought to reassure her. "I'm noth here. You can cry if you wanth… ith doeshn'th mathther - you're a loth shthronger than any girwsh I wnow!"
Azula held the child closer. The princess made clear the distance between herself and the ghost of her past.
It is much scarier when the hallucination didn't chide her. It gives a knowing smile and clenched both hands together as if in prayer to say, "now you know. Now you know a mother's love… and fear."
Azula closed in on herself. Go away go awaygoawaygoaway! No matter how much she chanted, the dead talked to her.
"You understand don't you?"
Azula shook her head. She didn't want to understand. But Ursa had always been ruthless.
"Remember this feeling. This was why I did what I did for your brother's sake."
Why you disappear and left Dad as Fire Lord?
Azula shut her eyes and tightens her hold. She just wanted it to stop. She was her father's daughter; she is grace, she is strength. But Azula was betrayed by the sobbing sound her voice was making. She stomped out the weak sound down and held the boy tighter. She could feel his little arms trying to wrap around her. It never does reach completely.
Strangely the princess recalled a saying by court mothers. They were exact in Ursa's children.
Duty is given to your first child, despair to your second, but your third is your own.
Your own... she was never her mother's favourite nor her last.
Azula has continuously held everything in; the lies, the fear, the hurt. She began bottling everything up ever since she sparked her first fire. If nothing else, her mother at least given her one thing she will take to her grave.
"Remember this." Her mother had sounded so urgent that day when she left court early, without father by her side.
"A woman doesn't have the luxury to cry."
She then knelt down to Azula's height and held firmly onto both of her arms. "Even if you must wash yourself with dirty water, darling. Don't let them see your pain."
Azula did not understand at a tender age of three. It was only a few years later that she learned through her mother's eyes, her brother's words and her father's guidance.
The world is unkind, ugly and cruel.
So rather than crying, Azula smiled.
Like how she always had.
She would overcome this.
She has to.
He's young. He doesn't know any better. "Azu! Here for you!" He was on his tippy toes to hand her the red flowers he'd picked out. They were the prettiest out of all the ones he saw on the roads.
She only stared at them with a raised brow. He looked shyly up at her to gauge her mood. Then with downcast eyes he muttered, "You don'th wike thhem."
"Brat, it's you that doesn't like me if you're giving them to me." She huffed before walking back to their horse. He ran after her not understanding her meaning.
"I wike Azu! I wike Azu a loth! Thish big!" He opened his arms as wide as he could to display his affection. Again he awkwardly tried to hand over the red lilies.
She gave him a glance as she tightened the saddle and tie their sleeping bags to the back of it before saying, "if you like me even a little then keep your emotions to yourself. It won't do you any good where we are going."
His smile died as he held the flowers tightly in his clasp that hung dully at his side. "Where we goin' Azu?"
"You will know when we get there." She was looking into the distance with unreadable eyes.
"How will I wnow?" He asked instead of 'How will I wnow you won'th weave me...'
She nodded at the flowers in his hands. "You pick those lilies didn't you?"
He looked down and nodded not comprehending their significance nor wanting to reach their destination anytime soon.
"Then we are close." His heart was beating uncontrollably until it stopped at her words.
"Cwoshe tho whath?" He was almost afraid to hear the answer. He was so used to her. He was used to living on the run with her. It seemed unreal that it was coming to an end.
"To the man who loves these flowers as much as he loves this world." He noticed her hesitation before she continued, "when we get there… Pick as many of these lilies as you want. I'll accept it then."
All the dreadful thoughts washed away with those words. With a happy chirping of agreement he ran to hug her.
"You can'th go bacw on a promishe Azu!" He was told by the innkeeper that if you give flowers to a lady and if they accept them then they are willing to stay with you.
He didn't see the complicated look on Azu's features before it was replaced with a look of annoyance.
"Kid, the last thing I swear to do is teaching you personal space! Why are you always sticking to me like a leech?"
He laughed and looked at her. "Azu shmells nice! I wike ith!"
Although Azu rolled her eyes and turned away from him, he could still see the burning red of her ears. He all but giggles.
Azu turned back to glare at him before picking him up to drop him on top of the saddle then getting on herself. "Don't yap too much or you will bite your tongue again." She warned before motioning their horse forward.
He leaned back into her embrace and let out a content sigh. More than anything, he wouldn't exchange this moment for anything.
The hour is late when they arrived at the dimly lit inn. She tied their mare to the stable by the building and unbuckled the bag with their essentials. She swung it behind her back and held out her hand for the child to grasp. Like a pet, the boy instantly grabbed on like tossing a dog a bone. It unnerved her how trusting and clear his eyes were. This oddly made her heart clench but Azula only squeezed the small hand before heading inside.
A small chime sounded as the door opened into a cozy loft with a warm fireplace. Hanging from the ceiling by strings of different lengths were paper cranes of all sizes and colours. The child beside her had his eyes lit up at the tasteless decorations.
"Welcome!" A cheerful voice chirped to the side. Azula turned to the owner of such an annoying tone and chill it with her cutting voice, "give me a room for tonight."
"Sure thing! Would you like meals with your housing?" Azula's immediate answer was no, but she felt a tug on her hand and looked down to see the sparkling eyes of a child.
She sighed and uttered "fine. How much?"
Instead of answering her, the clerk behind the counter edged over and smiled brightly at the boy as he said, "a fine choice young man! With my lovely wife's cooking you won't be disappointed!"
The child beside her cheerfully reply, "I won'th be dish-a-poin-ed." The child tried to sound out the difficult word. "Anythhing ish bethther thhan Azu'sh cookin'!" The brat laughed.
Azula felt the irritation getting on her nerves so trying to not make a scene, she tapped the desk to get the man's attention, "How much?"
The clerk grinned sheepishly, "Ah, sorry it has been awhile since we got such an adorable little customer. So altogether that'll be three silver pieces please!"
Azula frowned in displeasure. This was clearly highway robbery! "Look here," she gave her most sinister glare, "do you think I was born yesterday?" She paused trying to tame her anger. "Even for the decent inns in the Caldera it doesn't cost this much!"
The clerk held both his hands up in surrender. "Customer I'm really not trying to scam you! It's a fair market value with today's current economy. The country is in recession and this spot is actually near a historical landmark so…"
Azula pinched the bridge of her nose. She felt the squeeze of the child's hand and his rumbling stomach. Azula glared at the man before saying, "your wife's food better be damn worth it!"
The clerk immediately replied, "it's a national treasure!" without missing a beat. Azula at her boiling point slammed the three silver pieces on the table and grabbed the key from the man before he even placed it on the counter and without another word, dragged the brat to their room. That was literally the last of her savings! Now she only had five copper pieces to her name! Who ever would have thought the once great princess to the most powerful country in the world would have fallen so low...
To hit the nail on the head she then heard the man yelled, "Dear customer dinner will be ready shortly! You won't regret a silver!"
If not for having reached her destination to soon being rid of the annoying brat, Azula wouldn't have been so magnanimous. On the second floor, she threw her pack on the small bed before she commanded the child to stay still so that she could ready the bath water. Who would've thought the once great Fire Princess would be reduced to doing a maid's work? This was what she gets for losing to her stupid-no-good brother…
Seeing as it would take a hell of a long time to heat the water, Azula naturally filled the barrel with cold water before placing her hand in to heat it with her fire. She then walked out the room to find that the child had been obedient to stay in his exact spot that made Azula mood lighter. "Let's get you cleaned up. You're one smelly rascal!" She picked the child up as he squirmed in her arms with giggles in his voice.
She took the child's clothes off and had him touch the surface of the water. "Let me know if you want it hotter."
"Ith'sh too hoth Azu." The kid whined.
"Nothing is too hot for a child of fire." Azula remarked. "But we can wait for the water to cool down."
"I can'th waith... ith'sh cowd…" The child stood awkwardly butt naked that it was kind of cute looking at his teary face. She laughed then went and got a bucket of cold water to pour into the barrel.
"Azu being a meanie ish no good." The child reprimand and Azula gave him an amused look. "My bad, let me wash you clean as an apology."
The boy brightened and nodded eagerly. "Now be good and don't squirm around."
"I'm noth a baby Azu." The small potato puffed his chest out with adorable chubby cheeks. Azula grinned wider as she pinched the pouty child and the boy tried to loosen her fingers on his cheeks. "S-shthop itsh Azu I wash wrong…" The child whined cutely.
She nodded her head and let go of the soft flesh to begin to scrub the boy clean. The water soon turned into a murky brown as she took him out of the tub to rinse him with a bucket of warm water she had already prepared before toweling the child dry and dressing him neatly.
Azula oddly felt accomplished. Now the child looked more like a prince than a snotty nose brat from the slums. He was at least presentable for tomorrow. That thought made her smile dim. Yet, she didn't understand why.
"Azu! Now ith'sh my thurn to wash your back!" The kid looks pumped and ready for the challenge. Azula shook the previous uneasy feeling from her thoughts and pinched the child's cheeks before pushing the child out. "Maybe when you're able to sleep by yourself and not afraid of hot water I'll let you." She saw the child's pouting face before the door was fully closed.
Azula, in a good mood shook her head before undressing. She hummed to herself as she got into the water, not minding that it turned murky brown seeing as water at this rural place was a scarcity. Before long she scrubbed herself of the dirt and grime that had accumulated on her for days until her skin turned red. Even now, the figure of her mother had never left her peripheral. Before the woman's ghost looked happy at her antics with Zuko's child, but now she had a look of pity as if knowing where this habit of hers came from. Azula turned from the apparition and continued to scrub herself clean.
"Sweetheart-"
Azula cut the hallucination off before it gives her a headache, "Don't." She then submerged herself in the water and closed her eyes. Tomorrow she chanted. Tomorrow everything will end. She didn't have to deal with this ghost of a woman any longer.
"Stop washing yourself with such dirty water." Those words cut through her.
Azula rapidly turned and water spill out of the wooden container. "You…" She said with wide eyes, "you have no right to tell me that."
Her mother's ghost made a tearful face. "I only want the best for you my child."
Azula smiled. She could only smile. "Your best wasn't good enough. So for once, do me a favour and leave me alone!" She slammed the surface of the dark barrel's waters as it came rushing out.
"Azu? Azu are you ok?" She heard pounding from the door. Azula turned to the sound and remembered where she was before answering, "I'm fine. Just getting out actually."
She quickly got dressed and opened the door to see the little boy looking up in concern. She knelt down to his height and give him a reassuring smile. "I'm famished!" She started, "let's grab what holy water and gold we shall be feasting on tonight!"
"Azu…" The child stared at her worried. "Your face loowsh weird."
She touched her face. It was the same smile she always put on. How was it weird when even her enemies and the closest people to her don't even see a difference. She looked closely at the boy. What was weird about the mask she'd always worn?
"What's wrong with my face?"
The boy hesitated before whispering, " your shmile loowsh painfuw…"
"Does it?" She looked down at the dirty wooden floors then back to the miniature version of Zuko and state, "How embarrassing. I must be losing my touch."
She relaxed her face and try again at smiling. She closed her eyes and recall how her mother would look at Zuko before she imitates the most gentlest of smiles. "Does this look better?" She looked at him with a tender gaze and a sweet voice, "do I look like the happiest person in the world?"
Rather than agreeing with her, the small boy shook his head and started tearing up. Azula is confused when she reached out to the child. It pained her when she didn't know what's wrong with the kid.
"What's wrong?" She asked.
"Azu loowsh reawwy shad. The shaddeshth pershon in the worwd when you thry to shmile." The child came close to hug her. "You don'th shmile when you don'th wike ith. No one ish makin' you."
Azula froze in place. She felt the small hand rub circles around her back and felt the trembling voice of a child trying to be strong for her. She closed her eyes and tried to calm her turmoil.
"Even so," when tomorrow comes… Azula firmed her resolve as she held the boy's arms and pushed him away so that they were eye to eye. "You must learn to smile even when you're hurt, even when it's painful! You don't show weakness or this world will only hurt you!"
"A-azu...? Buth you're here..."
"I'm not your mother so don't expect me to always be there to protect you. You can only rely on yourself. Got it?"
Tears were flowing down the child's cheeks as he started to hiccup. Azula did not relent. "Promise me. No matter what happens, you must be strong and take care of yourself."
"Azu a-hic-re you goin' a-hic-way?" Because more than anything he knew that leaving means going away and going away means forgetting...
"N-no…of course not." She choked on words, not yet.
The child could feel her half truth and started crying himself to sleep. Azula didn't understand what was happening to her. She hoped these unnatural feelings would leave her soon. Otherwise it would end badly for both of them.
As she tucked the child in, Azula heard a knock on her door. The princess looked to the child before heading to the door. If it was the clerk, she swore one of them won't be talking tonight. When the door opened to reveal a woman with braided hair and a pregnant belly Azula was unsure of how to respond.
"Can I help you?"
The pregnant woman held a timid smile and answered softly, "Dinner is ready…" Azula noticed how the woman tried to look behind her at the child on the bed. Azula blocked the other's sight and nodded as she closed the door behind her.
"S-sorry I didn't mean to pry."
She glanced at the young freckled woman beside her holding her belly tenderly. Rather than a friendly question, Azula's tone naturally made it into an observable fact, "you must be the wife to the owner of this inn."
Looking shy, the woman in the white plain dress looked down holding her tummy lovingly nodded. "My name is Aiko. And I'm sorry for my husband's earlier rudeness. He only means well."
"He's certainly charging well with a baby coming."
Aiko having missed the jab suddenly perks up and curiously ask, "How was it?"
"How was what?" Azula sat herself down on the bench with the dishes in front of her.
"The birth… raising your child… how was it?" Azula could tell she had a mother's eyes. Even before the child came into this world - she had the eyes of a mother who would do anything for her child.
Azula just wanted to eat her meal in peace. Yet before she could say anything another annoyance joined the table.
"Do tell us dear customer!" The husband suddenly made himself comfortable across from her as he wrapped his wife in a warm blanket.
Aiko turns and pinch her husband's ear. "Takuya don't tell me you haven't introduced yourself yet? It's extremely rude not to!" Aiko reprimanded him as the man shrunk in his seat. It was obvious who was wearing the pants in this relationship.
Azula smirked at the man as he turned her way. "As you heard from my adorable wife, I'm Takuya Hirose and this is my wife, Aiko Hirose. Honourable guest may I ask for your name?" He pled with his eyes.
Azula takes pity on the poor fool. "Lan. Just Lan will do."
"Then Lan hopefully it's not too rude to ask but how do we raise such an adorable child such as yours?" The man called Takuya went straight for it. Not beating around the bush or testing the waters. This for one is very new to Azula who has been in a viper's nest all her life.
"There's not much to tell." She said as she took a spoonful of the spicy soup.
"Surely there is at least one thing!" Takuya wouldn't take a no.
"Like the name of the child. How did you and your husband decide on it?" Aiko asked eagerly. Then she went still and admonished herself. "I'm really sorry for getting ahead of myself like that. I meant how did you decide on a name for your son?"
The prodigious princess of the Fire Nation is silenced for once. She wasn't there for the child's birth so how would she know? She never could understand stupid thoughts in Zuko's head nor the deep emotional repression going on in Mai's. These two people were the ones that she had allowed to stay with her the longest, but she never cared enough to look beyond their flaws.
"The child's name is Izure, with characters which means someday at a future date or time." Azula never knew why Zuko named his heir with such tactless characters. It should've been something far stronger and more powerful to represent their nation - something fit for a king.
"That's certainly a roundabout way of putting it." Aiko giggles as if she knew the significant behind the name when she looks to her husband in delight. The fool named Takuya nods approvingly.
"The father of the child wasn't very bright. It was rather careless of him." Azula answered.
"It's a wonderful name!" Aiko shakes her head. "The child came from a place of great love to have a name that means endless hope and possibilities for his future. It's nothing but beautiful."
Maybe because these peasants held a simple way of life that they look at everything with such a straightforward mindset. Maybe she was too highly educated and trained in the arts of deception for her to miss what clearly was right in front of her. Azula is in disbelief. In that moment a sudden memory came to her. A time past where they had flower crowns in their hair and he was chasing her in the wide grassy meadow. His words of someday and his promises that vanish with the wind. Even now, after his death she still could never understand her brother, maybe in his own way he was trying to say -
It was too late now. There is no point looking to the past and lamenting on what-ifs and can-be. Someday will never come. Only today matters.
"Maybe so. But the child's father is gone and Izure needs to learn to live without one."
She looks to the two people across from hers with their faces sad and concerned. The young couple apologized with their clumsy bows knowing they had hit a sensitive subject.
Azula yanked a small piece of the hard bread and dip it into her soup as the silence uncomfortably remained. As she chewed and shallow, the words came out unintentionally that it was too late to take it back. "Don't fret. Your child will know love - you two will be good parents." Her words surprised even herself as it made the two across stunned, then joyful. They clasped their hands together and smiled in relief.
"I-to be honest was scared to bring such an innocence to this world with the current state of it. But… but I really wanted to start a family with the man I love…" Aiko confessed as she shyly glanced at the person beside her before staring at Azula in gratitude.
"Honey…" Takuya looked at his wife before holding her close and muttering, "I promise you and our child that I'll protect both your happiness!"
"Geez," Aiko pushed his face away, "not in front of our guest!"
Azula ignored the lovey-dovey couple and continue eating the food. Maybe she was starved for a long time that this peasant meal was actually decent enough for her distinguish palate.
"Didn't I say my wife's cooking is the best?" Takuya grinned as he looked at her knowingly.
Azula stayed silent and consumed the rest without leaving anything on the plates. The food made her feel warm inside and she for the first time asked for seconds.
"Geez, this would cost another silver but this is on the house alright!" Takuya exclaim in joy as Aiko shook her head and got up to get Azula a second plate.
Before Azula got up to venture back to her room with a platter of food in hand for the child when he wakes up, the couple across from her said, "although Izare is without a father," they look at each other as if communicating telepathically before looking at her with bright smiles, "we can tell that he'll be fine with just his mother."
Azula doesn't say anything as she takes heavy steps to her room. She set the platter on a nearby nightstand and sat on the bed beside the sleeping boy as she watches him lightly breath in and out. Only in sleep does he look his age.
Azula had unconsciously reach out to stroke the boy's hair, but pulled back her fingers when she realized what she was about to do. She was shocked and confused by her actions. She was never one to like being touched, much less touching others… She doesn't deserve this child.
What would the boy think if he knew the bad blood between her and his actual mother? Yet, she is stealing all the moments of Mai's child from her.
If Mai didn't hate her already, when tomorrow comes the woman will be hysterical rolling in her grave. Hate would be an understatement of the century. When Azula meets her on the other side, surely it will be a true eternal damnation for them both. Mai was always a smart, rational girl, but that doesn't mean she was heartless to do what Azula will do when dawn comes.
She is no mother.
She is a monster.
"Isn't that right mom?" This will be the final time she will acknowledge the ghost of her childhood.
Azula turns to the empty corner of the small inn and for the first time gave a smile that felt unnatural on her face.
"That night you should've strangle me in my sleep."
Her mother's ghost looks at her with all the heartbreaks in the world. "If only I did sweetheart… to save you from all this pain. If only you were never born…"
95 AG - Winter
Shyu was a man that kept to himself. He remained as silent as a pillar watching the flames as it burnt high and bright. The heat was usually warm and gentle but today, it felt dark and oppressive. Passed the flames, he saw the severed heads of those who went against the Crown displayed like prized medallions on top of pristine walls.
A reality of what would happen to those who commit treason; heads of traitors, that oversee the Black Pits. Shyu didn't voice his thoughts, but he still had a sound mind to understand the crime of dishonouring the deceased. Choosing not to cremate the dead was defying the teaching of their Agni.
Especially with heads of brave men that tried to better their country. They deserved more than this public humiliation. Admiral Jian was a man to be admired - not to rot in another's madness. However, no one dared to disobey the Fire Lord. Especially in his own home.
More so when their Sire lost his own blood in the conflict.
He turned to the High Sage, but his elder only gazed into the flames of the burning coffin.
Keep quiet. He was told by his seniors when they crowned the Second Prince as Fire Lord. This went against the state of nature; Agni's will and the traditions of the Fire Nation.
Keep quiet. He told himself when their Lord purged the nation with fire and blood. Every time when he closed his eyes, he saw the ever expanding Black Pits which lay in front of the Capitol gates. Now it expanded to the deep sea floors.
Keep quiet. He told himself when their ruler turned to blame the ancient houses of his court and burnt entire families ending powerful bloodlines.
Keep quiet or you'll be next. Shyu didn't want to repeat his family's history. He couldn't afford to be stupid like his grandfather or father. They were good, honest men that spoke too rashly and they were rewarded a head shorter for their loyalty. So he learnt at an early age to stick to the shadows and keep his mouth shut.
Still he knew what it was like to lose kin and be left orphaned. So, he couldn't help but to glance at their Lord to see if the monster had remorse. Many thought karma had finally caught up to their Mad King. Shyu prayed their god would take this man away, but knew that their Agni worked in mysterious ways, and that there must be a reason why this man was still Fire Lord, while brave men died in such a gruesome way. Somehow watching the coffin of the flames told him that this was only the beginning if nothing is to be done.
"You see it don't you." Shyu was stunned that someone as revered as the High Sage had paid enough attention to him to be able to read him without his awareness. "Look into the flames Shyu. Only the flames."
He swallowed thick saliva and did as told. Fearful that if the elder had noticed, the Fire Lord might've too. The last thing he wanted was his head rolling and his body burning because he could not mask his thoughts.
Unexpectedly, the High Sage continued, "what do you see?"
He stared harder into the flames. "Nothi-" No, something was moving - he focused his gaze - dark shadows in the dancing blaze. His eyes widened. What is this? Lightning - people - chaos. A flash of blue and a mountain of flames to signal an end of an era. Then a pillar of light that brings a new beginning; rebirth. Shyu shook uncontrollably. Chills made him weak in the knees. These bizarre otherworldly images made no sense to him.
"Do you understand? That's the will of Agni. And we are his servants. What will pass, shall pass." That was all that was said before the High Sage made his way up the dias to the Fire Lord.
Shyu was more terrified than confused. He was more than rattled at what he saw in the flames. When his faith seemed to have waiver, Agni answered with a vision which was beyond his understanding. Or was this some trick of light?
Then a ridiculous thought stormed him. It was written in old records that the Fire Sages of past could see prophecies in the flames. The sight to read what is to come. The ability was lost over time and now it was rumoured that only the High Sage possesses this power.
Naturally he understood. His situation has worsened. Far from wanting to hold the title of High Sage to this Mad King, Shyu would rather die together with those honourable men in that abominable purple smoke.
He looked to the others. They however, remained still in their position. None dared to look anywhere but their feet. He was the only one who risk a glance at their Sire above. He saw the High Sage bow and proclaim the ceremony to be completed. Ozai wore his funeral robe like how he wore his crown; regal and imposing. His features were blank as he dismissed the elder and continued to stare at the blazing coffin.
"Do not look too long." Shyu jumped slightly when he heard a courtier behind him state.
He looked to the voice and recognizes the boy to be the previous Left Hand of the Fire Lord. The Bastard at Court some would say. Shyu didn't know much about court affairs since as Fire Sage he dedicated most of his time residing in the Capitol Temple serving their Fire God. But he did hear about the boy's house arrest and the honour he was given to be here.
"So what did you see in the flames?" The playful voice sounded sardonic.
This boy was too ill-mannered to speak to his elder like this. Still most of court already knew the limited power the Fire Temple was allowed when Ozai became King. Unlike Azulon's times, the Temple has now become a mere figurehead from its former glory.
"Careful," he paused then, "it's rude to eavesdrop."
The boy chuckled. "I have been told." Then with more formalities whispered, "I apologize for any rudeness Fire Sage Shyu. Please understand that my curiosity had gotten the better of me."
Shyu accepted the apology seeing as the person did save him from gaining the Fire Lord's irk. "Then you best keep that curiosity to yourself or it might get you in trouble someday." He warned.
There was something in the young man's molten eyes, but Kyou turned them down and it was all too sudden when he looked up again and gives a polite smile. "Yes, but not today."
The balls on this young man!
"Your generous reputation precedes you Fire Sage. May you be generous in my pursuit of the truth."
"There are many." He diverted.
"Yes, but I only seek one." The boy persisted. "Did the Fire Sages prepare an empty coffin?" His next sentence was the important part if one is verse in court dealings. "That we are mourning at nothing?"
Shyu was steady with his words. He contained himself with all the years of experience he gathered in his old age to say, "no, there is certainly a body of a young girl in there. Many might not want to believe, but our princess is dead."
Kyou doesn't say anything. Shyu doesn't expect him to.
After all, it's best to keep your silence in these uncertain times.
Flower Symbolism:
Sunflower - strong bonds between two people.
Red flowers picked by Izure - some might have guessed it because they are indeed wild fire lilies.
