Full Circle
Disclaimer: All Twilight characters and settings were created by Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.
Listen To: Never Say Never by The Fray
Chapter 12 - Don't Let Me Go
Edward Cullen
May 19, 2007
"Edward Anthony Cullen."
He walked across the stage to accept his diploma, shaking hands with the Dean. At the announcement of "Emmett McCarty Cullen", his brother followed close behind, grinning and hamming it up for the crowd, waving and giving a mock bow to the audience before jogging to catch up with Edward and give him a high-five. Before Edward exited the stage, he searched the audience for his family and Bella, and shot them a grin.
When the ceremony was finished, they fought their way through the mass of people. Emmett grabbed Rosalie and dipped her in a dramatic movie-moment kiss, acting every bit the newlywed couple. They'd eloped on April 21 with family and close friends in attendance, and took a three-day weekend honeymoon to Vegas.
Edward's eyes met Bella's, but before he could make it to her, he was swept into hugs by Esme, Carlisle, and finally Alice. His family gave their congratulations, as did Jasper, Alice's boyfriend. He was a grad student at UW studying psychotherapy who'd met Alice at a coffee house, and they'd been inseparable ever since.
As soon as he was released, Bella ran over and grabbed his graduation gown in her fists, pulling him to her. She stood on her tiptoes to whisper fiercely in his ear. "I am so proud of you."
He pulled back to look at her beaming up at him. His chest tightened with so much emotion that he had to close his eyes at the onslaught, and he leaned down quickly to kiss her, letting his actions speak for him. She clung to him even after their mouths parted.
The Cullen clan walked back to their vehicles amid the masses of students and loved ones. Edward walked hand-in-hand with Bella and watched his parents, who were glowing with pride for both their sons. Esme leaned her head against Carlisle's shoulder in contentment.
Edward looked down at Bella and saw her watching them also, until she glanced back up at him and smiled. They were approaching his parents' car, and they paused to figure out the logistics of getting to the restaurant for their dinner reservation.
He spoke softly to Bella while Alice and Emmett bickered over directions. "Did you know that Esme moved to Boston to be with Carlisle while he was studying at Harvard?"
The smile fell from Bella's face as she looked up at him, and he could easily read the disappointment and resignation in her eyes. She pulled her hand away from his and went to support Alice in the argument to take frontage roads rather than the highway.
Edward sighed, immediately regretting that he'd brought it up on graduation day. It was such a touchy subject with them lately. He should've known better and just left it alone.
GoogleMaps ultimately settled the dispute, and the gang began to break out into their carpool groups. Edward was talking with Carlisle about the new tenants they'd found for the house in Seattle, and when he turned to find Bella to head to his car, she was nowhere to be seen. He said a hasty goodbye to his parents while they climbed into their car.
"See you at the restaurant!" his mother called.
He anxiously started out in the direction of where he'd parked the car earlier in the afternoon. The sun had set and the light was rapidly disappearing beyond the horizon, and he walked faster in an effort to catch up to Bella. When he spotted her up ahead walking down the side of the road, he broke into a light jog until he was beside her.
"What are you doing?" he demanded. "It's dark out, you shouldn't be walking out here by yourself."
"And just what am I qualified to do by myself?" she huffed.
He sighed, running his hand through his hair. He bit back a groan of frustration, and wished again he hadn't said anything about grad school or moving.
"Shit, look, I'm sorry." He grabbed her hand and pulled her to a stop beside him. "I'm sorry I said anything. Can we just drop it for tonight?"
She looked up at him, considering, her eyes still guarded.
"It's graduation day," he pleaded softly.
"You're right." She took a deep breath and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head against his chest. "Let's start over."
He closed his eyes in relief and hugged her tightly. Together they ignored the occasional headlights speeding past on the road beside them, and Edward focused on the steady feeling of Bella's breathing under his grip.
"Happy graduation," she whispered after several long moments. She kissed him briefly, and then pulled away but kept his hand as she continued walking. "Come on, I don't want to be late for pasta carbonara."
They were almost silent on the drive to the restaurant. He knew that was his fault. It had started at the beginning of April, when he'd settled on the decision to go to Johns Hopkins. When one of the top medical schools in the United States wants you, it's tough to say no. It was a difficult decision, but with Bella's encouragement as well as his family's, he decided it was too good of an opportunity to pass up. Looking back on the night he'd sent in his acceptance, it was hard to see how he and Bella could have ended up so far from that initial excitement.
But the past couple of months had been steadily downhill from there, it seemed.
He had expected that she'd be ready to move to Maryland with him, and she'd expected that he'd be fine with her staying in Washington, at least until she graduated next year. They'd been arguing off and on ever since. He glanced across the car at Bella, who was staring out the passenger window into the night, where it had begun to rain.
He knew that it would be best for Bella to move with him. He didn't want to leave her here; he couldn't stand the thought of being without her. He'd applied at the University of Maryland for her, where they had great English and Literature departments, so she could finish up the last year of her undergrad degree in Baltimore.
He'd gotten the acceptance letter about a month ago, and they'd had their biggest fight yet on the night he showed it to her. She'd told him that he had no right, and called him selfish; he'd told her she was being obstinate. They didn't talk for three days after that, which was the longest they'd ever gone without speaking.
He was due to start school at the beginning of September, so they had until then to figure things out. They'd planned a two-week trip to Europe starting in two days, and he just hoped they could put aside their differences long enough to enjoy themselves. He still had faith that he'd be able to convince Bella to see his side of things, and that she'd move with him.
They smiled their way through dinner with everyone, losing themselves in good food and good company. He remembered a similar dinner three years ago, on the night after the first day of classes at UW. It had just been his siblings and Bella at that point.
Looking around the table now, he watched as Jasper regaled Carlisle with stories of his case studies, while Rosalie was chatting excitedly with Alice about the shopping in Vegas. Edward was glad both his siblings had found people who made them so happy. He recalled all their jokes throughout the years about him and Bella, remarking on how they acted like an 80-year-old married couple.
He glanced across the table at Bella, who saw him looking and raised her wine glass to him in a silent toast. He smiled and toasted back before draining his glass. If any of the rest of them could make it, then certainly he and Bella would. He had to believe that.
After a blur of appetizers, entrees, desserts, and four whole bottles of wine for the table, he found himself thanking Jasper as he dropped them off at Bella and Alice's house. From the passenger seat of Jasper's car, Alice called his name and tossed him Bella's house keys, which she'd forgotten. In his drunken state, he couldn't be expected to catch them. He held on to Bella's arm to steady her as she reached to pick them up off the ground. They stumbled their way to the front door while Jasper and Alice drove away, and Bella fumbled with getting the key in the lock and opening the door.
Edward made his way inside and groped the wall trying to find the light switch. His knees hit a table and a cascade of books fell to the floor. "Sorry," he muttered while Bella giggled. The books he'd knocked over were all of her research for their Europe trip, complete with hundreds of sticky notes marking important pages.
Bella was pulling on his hand and trying to drag him up the stairs to her bedroom, but he pulled back, causing her to stumble against his chest. He kissed her firmly and somewhat sloppily, but effectively turned her giggles into moans. He continued to kiss her, allowing himself ample time to appreciate her familiar embrace. Her arms went around his neck as she pulled him closer. He held her tight, never wanting to let go.
"Are you excited?" he asked.
"Mmmm," she mumbled an affirmative while molding herself even closer to his body and rocking her hips against his.
"Not for that," he chuckled. "For Europe."
"That too," she agreed, looking up at him with a radiant smile.
His chest tightened as sudden fear gripped him. It was a feeling he'd become increasingly familiar with over the past couple of months, though he thought he was doing okay at hiding it. Every time he thought about the possibility that she'd refuse to move with him, he was gripped with near panic. He couldn't stand the thought of being apart from her, of not seeing that smile every day.
Bella didn't notice his sudden mood shift, and was resuming her efforts to haul him upstairs. He followed compliantly, still wrapped up in his thoughts. They both stumbled along the way and made ample use of the stair rail, but eventually made it to their destination. He didn't want to take his hands off of her. In his drunken haze, he had the impression that as long as he was touching her, everything would be ok.
He responded eagerly as Bella kissed him passionately once more. His hand on her hip helped steady her when she would have lost her balance, and he used his other hand to pull her closer to him. She fumbled with his pants but managed to get them unzipped. Removing them was a task that required his full attention, and while he tripped out of his jeans, Bella scrambled to get her shirt off.
Once she'd effectively freed her arms from the offending garment, she collapsed onto the bed and he followed. Her eyes were closed almost as soon as her head hit the pillow.
He pulled her flush against him and wrapped his arm around her securely. "I never want to let go."
He wasn't fully aware he'd said that aloud until she responded sleepily. "Then don't."
"You're making me," he mumbled, confused.
"No I'm not. You're doing that."
He blamed his blood-alcohol level for his inability to figure out what she meant. He said nothing. The tightness in his chest was still there, and he squeezed her tighter as he closed his eyes. He was drifting halfway between sleep and consciousness when Bella's voice dragged him back.
"Please don't leave me," she whispered softly.
"I have to."
"I know you have to leave, just please don't leave me."
"I love you. I'd never leave you like that."
He thought she'd fallen asleep until she whispered again, her voice barely audible in the thick darkness. "Do you promise?"
"I promise," he told her.
