A/N: Heay so what did you think about the last chapter? I'm sorry I'm being so cruel to Daniel, I really can't help it though. Much as I love him he's just so darn easy abuse in FF. I'm a bad, bad girl. *smacks self on the back of the hand*. Ah no really, I'll let up a little for a little while anyway. After all a person can only take so much after all, even fictional people. Besides Danny's already taking his break, even I can't make things worse for a Daniel Jackson who thinks he's 15.
Oh and can I just say I'm SHOCKED at all the people at least having a look at this story from so many different countries. It's mind boggling to say the least! Cool. Yes I'm easily amused.
Warnings: - Descriptions of self-harm, may include suicide in later chapters. Eh language, Pre- Slash. Rating may change. Yea that's about it for now. I will change this though if there's anything else.
Disclaimer:- I do not now nor have I ever owned the rights to Stargate SG-1. That lovely privilege belongs to the people in Gekko Film Corp and Showtime. I'm just borrowing the characters. Promise I'll return them good as new.
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Daniels POV:
I'm confused as fuck as to what is going on. And I don't like that one bit. I run over the last ten minuets in my head.
"What's happened to me?" I all but demanded Jack to answer my question.
"Danny…" He started.
"Don't! Just don't call me that. Now, what's happened to me?" I ask again.
"Okay. I'm sorry, Daniel. Now what do you mean?" Jack is trying to placate me.
"What happened to me? I'm . . . old!"
I'm outraged by the fact I can't see my face when I look in the mirror, just this mask. This 'older' mask I might add.
"Daniel, I think you should sit down. This is complicated."
I scowl at him for a minuet but then sit.
"Okay…" Jack tries to start speaking but his words are failing him. "Hold on a sec…"
He races up the stairs and I hear knocks and muffled voices. I'm nearly blown away at the force Sam and Teal'c enter the kitchen.
"Listen, Daniel, I need Sam and Teal'c here to explain this to you cause I'm pretty much as lost as you are so…" He waves an arm indicating to Carter that she should take over.
"Okay…Daniel, how much have you figured out?" She asks me.
"I'm not me. I'm well, I'm an older me. You all seem to know me pretty well so I'm thinking maybe I knew you too." Sam's nodding to show me that I'm on the right track.
"Okay, anything else?" Sam asks.
"Not really. I mean the only thing I can think of to explain this is that I just woke from a coma, but then how would I know you?"
"Well, you're on the right track anyway. Daniel, you do know us. In fact you've known us all for several years. We all work together, but more importantly we're friends. We're very close." Says Sam.
"What about that other man? The guy who was here last night? Eh…earlier tonight I mean." I ask no one in particular.
"That was Dr. McNally." Jack tells me. "He's your…your therapist."
I can feel my cheeks color slightly.
"Okay, why would I need a therapist?" I look at Sam for the answer.
"Daniel, you've been going through a rough time recently. You've only been seeing Dr. McNally for about a month though."
"Has that got anything to do with why I'm like this?"
They all look at each other.
"They are connected you could say, DanielJackson." replies Teal'c.
"So are you going to finish telling me what's going on?" I ask.
There is a lull in the conversation as everyone walks into the living room. The tea was made and everyone sat down with a cup. No coffee aloud at this hour Jack said.
"So??…" I was waiting for explanations.
"Okay, Daniel, this is going to be hard to hear. We need you to try and keep your questions until after we've explained everything." Said Jack.
"Fine. Now can you get on with it. Before I've aged another 35 years or so." Sam and Jack both filched at that.
"Daniel, the reason you look the way you do is because you really are 40 years old. Well 39, but that's besides the point. The point is you haven't aged suddenly over night…" said Sam.
"So I was right? I've been in some sort of coma then?"
"No, Daniel. Something happened today or well yesterday really now, that you couldn't…that you weren't able to handle emotionally. We think that it's been added to by all the stresses you've had recently."
"What are you saying?" I ask her.
"What she's saying, Daniel is that physically you are a 39 year old man and up until yesterday you had the mentality of one too."
That was rather blunt I think. Then the ramifications of what Jack says hits me.
"Regression…?" I ask.
I'm deeply worried. What could have effected me so strongly to do this to me. I'd have thought I was fairly strong considering what I go through at a regular basis at…his house. But then that was really years ago if what they said was true. And well the evidence was pretty much irrefutable. Even my imagination couldn't come up with something like this.
"What was it?" I ask.
"What?" asked Jack.
"What was it that…" I circle my hand, indicating this whole situation.
"Daniel, I don't know if we should…" Sam is awkward, uncertain about answering.
"Sam, obviously what ever it was, was bad. I'm prepared for that. I know it'll likely upset me. But listen, my mind must have put me this way for a reason. Perhaps that reason is I need to deal with whatever it was that made me this way first, before returning to…normal."
I know it makes since. I've always been able to make good logical arguments. But I fear I won't be able to back up what I'm saying. If I regressed once, who's to say that won't happen again? I gulped.
"Well, Sam, that answers one question." Jack said.
Teal'c and I looked at him curious, while Sam asked Jack what he'd meant.
"Well, we'd always wondered if Danny was born smart or if he just grew into it. I guess we just got our answer." Sam rolled her eyes.
I just blinked. Teal'c on the other hand…
"I do not understand, O'Neill. Would one not assume that those with wisdom gain it through experience? Are the people of your world born with such qualities?"
"Teal'c, I think the Colonel was just trying to lighten the atmosphere." Said Sam. Teal'c bowed his head in acceptation.
"Yes, Sam, and in light of me trying to lighten up the situation would you like to remember my earlier request?" Jack asked Sam.
"Yes, Sir, sorry si…I mean, Jack. Sorry, Jack."
"Better." he stated.
"Excuse me! Can we kind 'a get back to me?!" I interrupt.
"Sorry, Daniel!!" Sam exclaimed.
"Look, will you please just tell me what's gotten me this way?"
"Perhaps we should wait and call Dr. McNally in the morning…"
"No! Look you say you were, are my friends…" three nods. "…well then please tell me what happened. I promise I won't wig out or anything. Not tonight any way."
"Daniel, you can't promise that." Sam says patiently.
"Yes, Sam, I can. Look please just do this. The sooner you tell me, the sooner I can get back on the road of recovery." Sam looked over at Jack who nodded.
"Okay. But it isn't pretty." Sam tells me.
I just nodded. There seemed to be a lot of that going around.
"Daniel…" Jack starts and I look over at him, "…do you know a girl called Linda?"
I sucked in a sharp breath. This couldn't be good.
"Yes…"
No one seemed to expect more of an answer because Jack started talking again.
"Daniel, Linda…died a few days ago. Her funeral was yesterday."
I gulped and tried to think of this rationally. She would be 38 or so. She'd experienced life…but It was no use. All I could see in my mind was 14 year old Linda who only yesterday had cleaned him up after a 'chat', with…our foster father.
Besides even at 38, that was far to young to die anyway.
"What happened to her??" I asked, fear evident in my voice.
"She…Daniel, she killed herself." Jack said. I paled.
"How…how could she? How could she do that?…" I said out loud.
Then I thought to myself…'WHY THE HELL WOULD SHE DO THAT WHEN SHE'D ONLY LECTURED ME ON THAT VERY THING A WEEK AGO!'
"We don't know, Daniel. We're so sorry." Sam is talking again.
"So, that's what did it? That's what made me…regress??" I ask.
"We're not really sure, Daniel…" Sam said, "…It probably is that, but then there was an…argument, at the graveyard. It could have been that too. You were inconsolable after it."
"Yeah, you frightened us all big time buddy." Said Jack.
"Indeed." intoned Teal'c.
"I…okay…okay. So who was the argument with? What happened between us?" I ask.
How much worse could things get after all? Linda was dead. I'd never see her again. Nothing was worse that.
"We don't know, Daniel." Jack told me.
"What do you mean?"
"Daniel…" said Sam, "…We never heard his name and you've never mentioned him before. We didn't even know about Linda until…" I get it.
"What did he look like?" I had an awful sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that I wasn't going to like what I heard.
"He was a large man. About 6ft 2'. He had white hair and looked like he used to have a lot of muscle…" Teal'c would have continued with his description had I not interrupted him.
I need to know if the man was who I though he was. But I hadn't seen him in his advance age so…
"Was his nose bent at a weird angle? Like a break that didn't heal properly?"
"Indeed, DanielJackson. Also the small finger on his right hand was bending to the left."
"Him, I don't remember that part…Must have happened after well…you know."
"Daniel, do you know the man we're talking about." Sam asked gently.
"Oh, yes. Yes, I do. And I wish I didn't."
"Who was he, Daniel? You never called him anything yesterday?" Asked Sam.
"Nothing that can be said in polite conversation anyway." I mutter. "His name is Martin Larkin. He is…was my foster father. Linda's too." I tell them. I can see by there faces that they are stunned.
"That man was your foster father!!" Jack was not happy. He'd gotten up and started passing.
"Jack? What happened yesterday? Between me and him?"
Jack looked at me and then sat down again. "Dann…iel…" Jack just avoided calling me Danny. Thank-God he didn't, "…we weren't there for the full conversation. All I know is I saw a man who just happened to have twisted your arm around you back."
"That's it?" I ask surprised. I would have thought Martin would do more damage.
"What do you mean, 'that's it?', that's MORE than enough. Anyway, he said some stuff, you charged at him. Beat the shit out of him too…"
"WHAT!!" I scream. I couldn't have. Martin will kill me for sure now!
"Daniel! Relax! He can't get you here. Heck he doesn't even know where you're staying. You're safe, remember? Safer than the president." Jack tries to calm me.
"Yeah, safer than the president. Right." I can't believe I did that though.
"What else?"
Sam answered my question this time. "Teal'c pulled you off him and you started shouting some things before you pretty much went catatonic."
I gulp. "What did I say?" I couldn't get it into my head that I wasn't going to see the man again so I needed to figure out the damage I'd done and how much I'd pay for it later.
"You blamed this MartinLarkin for Linda's death and also for 'ruining', both your lives." Teal'c said calmly.
I closed my eyes. I hate my life.
Jack's POV:
I couldn't believe all this was happening. I don't know how Danny was coping.
"Daniel, can you tells us why you blamed Larkin for Linda's death?" ask Sam.
"I was upset. That's all. I wasn't thinking straight." He was obviously lying.
"Daniel, I know you're sacred…"
"I'm not scared!" He interrupted me.
I continued on as if I hadn't been interrupted.
"…but he honestly can't hurt you any more. You're not in his care, you're an adult now. You can defend yourself, quite competently I might add."
"Then how did he twist my arm?"
"I don't know, Daniel but I'd imagine it was because he'd caught you unawares. I doubt you've seen him in a long time and the shock of that, plus Linda's death probably effected your reaction time. Not to mention you had a mild sedative in your system also." Jack said the last part quite fast.
I knew I should have been angry about the sedative but I just couldn't muster up the energy to care. I yawn.
"It's late, Daniel. Why don't you go back to bed. Why can talk more in the morning." Suggested Sam.
Daniel looked at me with alarmed eyes and I realized what the problem was. Nodding to myself I stood up and looked expectantly at Daniel.
"Carter, you're right. I, for one, am bushed. Come on, Daniel. I'll make sure you find the right room."
It was a lame excuse but everyone just accepted it. They knew there was a reason I was doing this, just not what the reason was. Well maybe Carter…Anyway I started heading up the stairs and without looking back, I heard Daniel follow me.
We enter the room and Daniel just stands there looking frightened.
"Daniel, sit down please. We never did get to have that talk."
Daniel looked around the room for a moment and seeing the fresh bed sheets, and blushed before sitting down on the bed.
"Daniel, it's okay. Accidents happen." I said as I turned a chair around and sat with a leg each side.
"Not to 40 year olds."
"39, and mentally you're 15 at the moment, so it's a bit of a moot point really."
"Even at 15 I shouldn't be doing that!"
"Daniel, did you do it on purpose?" I asked him.
"What!? No! Of course not. Look I'm really sorry. It was an accident. Please, don't punish me!"
It broke my heart to see Daniel like this. What did he go through at Larkin's house?
"Daniel, I'm not gong to punish you. Aside from the fact that I have no right to do such a thing, you have no reason to be punished. You said it yourself, it was an accident. No, what I'm more worried about is the nightmare you had that caused you to…" I pause.
"Piss myself?"
"Daniel, stop it! You really need to let up on yourself. You and I don't have a problem here. You won't be punished for something like this okay?" He just nods.
"Okay then. Now can you tell me what your nightmare was about?" I see him pale.
"I can't, Jack. Please, don't make me…"
"Okay, shh, shh…" I tried to calm him down before things got to far.
"…I won't make you talk if you don't want to. But you should know that I think it would be better if you did. It would help you deal with whatever it is." I pause at his dubious look, but continue on just the same. "...Look, just think about it. You don't even have to tell me. It could be Carter or Teal'c. Or if you want Dr. McNally." Daniel opened his mouth but I cut across him.
"Yes, I know that…you…haven't actually talked to him, but you do trust him. At least, you do when your 40." I say.
"39."
"Huh?"
"I'm 39, you said 40."
"Oh right. Anyway, it's time for bed I think. The bed is clean, new sheets and everything. I made sure it was dry earlier." I ignored the blush on Daniels cheeks. "Good night, Daniel. I'll see you in the morning."
"Good night, Jack." he called out after me.
Daniels's POV:
When I woke up thankfully, it was to dry sheets. Last night was just a fluke I thought. I heard talking down stairs so I went into the bathroom for the necessities before going downstairs to face the others.
They seemed like genuinely nice people. I must have gotten lucky when I grew up. That's another thing that's bothering me. Apparently I've regressed in mental age but why in the world would I go back to when I was 15? Why not 5 or something. To a time my parents were still alive and I was happy. I pushed that thought to the back of my brain as I walked into the kitchen. There was breakfast waiting on the table. Jack must have heard me coming down the stairs.
"Good morning sleepy-head!" Jack called cheerfully. He and Sam were sitting at the table drinking coffee.
"Go get your breakfast while it's still warm."
I did as I was told and sat down on the ground in the kitchen. A few minuets later I looked up to see Jack's silhouette looming over me. I tried my hardest not to flinch.
"Daniel, what are you doing?"
"I'm eating breakfast, Sir."
"It's Jack. Why are you eating breakfast on the floor?"
"Erm…" I didn't have an answer for that. Martin had always made him do this. It was force of habit these days. Toys weren't real so they didn't have to sit at the table for real people. I heard Jack sigh.
"Come over to the table, Daniel and sit down please."
I just stood up and followed Jack to the table, sitting to the right of Sam, in front of Jack. We eat in silence. I can feel the tension in the air. They want to ask me questions but they don't want to push either. God, I want to be normal again. I want Linda.
Later that day I'm sitting on the bed in my room reading one of my books. It's weird to say the least. My hand writing is all over these books. (the newer ones of course. The books I can go out again and by in any book shop.) It is weird though, reading notes I've obviously made but some are in languages that
I don't know. Not yet anyway.
"Daniel! Come down stairs for a minuet." Jack shouts up the stairs.
I get off the bed and go down stairs and see a youngish man standing there. When he turns to face me I recognize him almost immediately. This was Dr. McNally that Jack and Sam had mentioned.
"Hello, Sir." I say politely. He raises an eyebrow but says nothing.
"Let's sit down. I'll bring in some coffee." Jack gets up and leaves me alone in the living room with just Dr. McNally. I don't know where Sam or Teal'c are.
"Daniel, how are you today?"
"I'm well, Sir, thank-you for asking. And you, Sir?"
"Daniel, I think we can dispense with the formalities don't you! Please, call me Ben. And I'm fine thank-you."
"Okay…Ben."
"Good. Now I understand that Sam, Jack and Teal'c have explained the situation the best they could to you. Do you have any questions?"
Plenty. I think. "How do I get…normal again? When will I be normal again?"
"Well, Daniel, that's not easy to say. You see we don't know. These things tend to effect people differently. It could be today, it could be tomorrow, it could be never."
I feel myself pale at the thought. I don't want to be 15 years old in this body. I don't know these people, how they act. I don't know my role in any of this. I can't handle all this. At this moment in time I'm only 15 and 15 year olds should not have to worry about this type of thing. Well they shouldn't have to worry about…
"Daniel, don't look so alarmed. That's the worst case scenario and rarely happens. Most people come back to themselves soon enough. You'll be okay."
I calm down a little. Thankful for the distraction my thoughts had been heading in. "How will I 'come back to myself' then?" I ask him.
"That's what I'm here for!" He says over confidently.
I can tell I'm not going to like this. Jack seems to be taking a suspiciously long time in the kitchen. The coffee should be ready by now.
"Daniel…" he says seriously, "…you were having some problems before all this started and I'd like to think that you trusted me. In fact, I'm certain of it. So can you trust me now to do what's in your best interest?" I think for a moment before slowly nodding my head in consent. It's good enough for him.
"Okay then. Well, let me tell you what's going to be happening over the next while…"
Jack walks in with the coffee on a tray handing a cup to each of us. It takes a lot of self control not to go sit on the floor in a corner away from everyone else, but Jack doesn't seem to like that, so I stay put.
Jack's POV:
I could see Daniel was slightly nervous drinking the coffee with us, but immensely proud of him when he didn't move an inch. I had figured out enough this morning when Daniel had sat down on the floor away from us. Neither Carter or I had spoken a word because we were afraid if we did we wouldn't be able to keep our anger in check. If I ever see this Larkin guy again, so help me God, I'll kill him. And
I'd put money on it that there'd be a cue from here to the mountain if this ever got out.
We got straight down to business, explaining to Daniel how his treatment would be worked out. He seemed to understand all we were saying, at the very least the reasons behind it. I need to keep reminding myself though that, while it is my Danny sitting in front of me, it is also a 15 year old mind we're dealing with.
Dr. McNally was going to have sessions with Danny everyday, for now anyway. Yep, we were back to that. Unfortunately had this not happened, Daniel's sessions we're going to be bumped up again anyway after his reaction to Linda's death. I can't blame him, but I want him safe too so…His suicide watch was going to be extended for another month also. I'd like to think there was no need for that now, under the circumstances but then I remembered that Daniel had told me he'd started cutting when he was 14 or so. Well, if mentally he's 15 that means he's already started so I have to watch out for that to.
Don't get me wrong even if it wasn't for all that I'd still have taken Danny in like a light. Heck I practically consider this our house, considering he spends more time here than his apartment anyway. And that was before the start of all this. It's hard to believe all this started just over a month ago. It had seemed like years had past in that time. I feel like I'm getting old. Sure at least half my grey hairs are from Danny anyway.
I jolt back to attention when I notice the room is quite. Dr. McNally is sitting there with an expectant look on his face and Daniel is studying his cup. I think I've missed something important.
"Eh…" Just for the record I am quite ashamed of myself, not that anyone would ever believe me anyway but hey, it's worth a try.
"I was assuring Daniel that you'd be happy to join him in his sessions if he would feel more comfortable with you there." The doc is giving me a look that's saying 'agree or I'll tell Janet and you know what she does with her large needles when pissed off'. I gulp.
"O-of course, Daniel! I wouldn't be anywhere else. What ever you need. Just ask..." I wonder if I'm laying it on a bit thick? So I shut up. The doc rolls his eyes. I though as a psych he couldn't pass judgment!!
"Daniel, that's all for today unless there's something else you want to talk about?" Dr. McNally asks.
There's not.
"Okay then. I'll see you tomorrow then, Daniel. My number is in your room somewhere if you want to call me about anything. If you can't find it just ask Jack. He has the number also."
"Yes, Ben." He agrees. I raise an eyebrow at that. I walk Dr. McNally to the door and when out of hearing range I ask him,
"Ben??" He blushes for a moment then meets my eyes.
"What of it?"
"Nothing, nothing. I was just curious."
He nods and is about to leave.
"Can I call you Benji, too?"
His hand freezes on the handle and his shoulders tense up.
"Call me, Benji and I'll tell Hammond you're not fit for duty." I saw the promise in his eyes and make my own promise. When he leaves I can't help but laugh. Ben McNally. Benjamin McNally. I suppose it fits. But still it's funny. Ah laugh a minuet, I am. I smile to myself before going back into the kitchen to start dinner. Daniel has already gone back upstairs. I'll call him when dinner is ready.
Teal'c had left early this morning having recruits to teach and Carter had been called in over some science doo-hickey that I'll never understand so it was just the two of us in the house.
Daniel's POV:
I heard laughing downstairs but stayed where I was. I was scared. Dr. McNally…Ben had explained to me what was going to happen but I couldn't help but worry. Would I remember any of this if I ever did get my memories back? I suppose what I was most worried about though, was the thought of losing myself. Right now at this moment this is who I am. Not some 39 year old guy. So why should I change that and perhaps lose who he was in the process?! It was all so confusing.
"Daniel! Dinner's ready. Get down here!"
I got up when Jack shouted, again, up the stairs. I was beginning to dislike that. I went down and carefully sat at thee table. When Jack put a large plate of lasagne in front of me I realized how hungry I really was though and started to devour the lot. When Jack coughs significantly I remember my manners and start to eat at a more sedate pace.
"Daniel, what did you think of…Ben?"
There is a slight amount of humour in his tone and I'm hurt that he obviously thinks the counselling is something to laugh at. None the less I ignore the tone and answer as patiently as I can.
"He seems…nice." I can't think what else to say, but that seems good enough for Jack.
"Look, Daniel, I just want you to know that I am here for you. And I'd be happy to join you in your sessions if you'd like me there."
I look at him surprised by this announcement.
"Just think about it. I can be serious . . . sometimes." He winks at me and then gets up to clear his plate. I have a lot to think of tonight.
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A/N: Well let me know what you think. Am I being to cruel? To kind( well I don't think there's any chance of that) Or to boring? People thanks to my end in writers block I now have the end of our story! Hurray!! Bye.
Re-edited April 4th 2009. Thank-you for all reviews.
