Explanations

A/N: I think I am absolutely losing my motivation. I think its just the stress of the new year and all the expectations at work. Anyways, I think this chapter sucks. I don't think it flows but we really need to get past this part to get to the good Alice/Bella loving....because that is what this is all about!! :D

I think this is my longest chapter and I realize that I suck at longer chapters. Anyway, I shall let you read it. Hopefully I don't disappoint too much.

-Ansacht

Disclaimer: NOT MINE.

BPOV:

Everyone is gathered in the living room, all sitting down with their respectable mates, except of course Jasper.

I felt a flash of guilt at that thought and stole a glance at Alice. She turned her gaze to me and squeezed my hand. I put a quick smile on my face before turning my attention back to the rest of the family.

All was suddenly silent. Everyone was staring at me, except for Rosalie. I guess she wasn't very happy with my little child act.

"Sorry Auntie Rose. I grew up way too fast for you."

I apologized to Rosalie in a childish voice. She scoffed at me and if it was possible, her glare intensified with even more hate. Alice squeezed my hand hard and she gave me a scolding glare. I sighed in response.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so mean. I seem to have developed a bit of a sarcastic attitude. Former occupational hazard from being a Volturi guard. We all have to have some sort of release and humor is usually the least destructive."

I thought I saw Rosalie's face soften at my apology but her mask can be unreadable sometimes.

The silence then became deafening. They are all looking at me. I realize they are waiting for me to start my promised explanation.

I sighed audibly. I realize that the story must begin from the beginning but they needed to see it, they needed to feel it, not just hear it.

"Alice. Please sit down."

I squeezed her hand in assurance. She looked at me, unmoving.

"I need you to sit, please." I pleaded with her and she faltered. She let go of my hand and made her way to sit beside Jasper.

I felt a sudden pang of jealousy.

You may not want me after I tell you my past, Alice. I lied to you. I can't erase that but more than anything, I have now implicated you and your family.

She didn't jump, she didn't move. Alice was still and she stared at me with an emotionless mask.

I turned to the rest of the family.

"I need you to feel it. I need you to see it. Please don't be alarmed. I am only trying to explain."

I opened my gift to them and I stretched it out to engulf everyone in the room.

I will start at the end. I will start at my death.

I spoke to them in my mind and I allowed my memories to take over.

I couldn't stop the scream from escaping my lungs.

I am being watched. I shivered at the thought as I ran into the old and rusted truck. I gripped the steering wheel tight and closed my eyes, breathing in deeply before releasing it into a sigh.

I couldn't stay here anymore. I needed to get out. I had no plans but I had to get away. I inserted the key and felt the truck roar to life.

"Going somewhere Bella?" I heard a menacing yet melodious voice beside me.

My eyes widened at the sight of Victoria outside my driver window. I hit the pedal, forcing my truck to jump out of Charlie's driveway and into the waiting road. I drove towards the Quileute reservation, hoping Jacob will be able to help.

The car was old, it was slow and I was on edge. I looked at my mirrors nervously as I drove.

A sudden flash of movement appeared on the road as I screamed, swerving to avoid it. The truck bounced towards the forest before suddenly stopping. When my eyes refocused, I saw a flash of red hair and knew I was done for.

VICTORIA.

She had her hands on the front of my truck, staring at me in fury.

I screamed for help when she ripped the driver side door clean off its hinges. She grabbed me by the neck and threw me out of the car. I landed on my back on the grass, thankfully not breaking anything. I felt the fear grip me, keeping me pinned to the ground. Victoria laughed, walking slowly towards me.

"I was just going to kill you but I kind of enjoy seeing you in this much pain. Edward obviously doesn't love you and his other little coven-mates don't care about you. It hurts doesn't it Bella? To lose your mate? To lose the one you love?"

She knows. She knows I have no one to protect me. She smiled with such murderous intent. I screamed again for help, hoping that maybe Jacob can hear me.

"You want to know why I want to kill you Bella? It's because you are human, you are able to forget this pain and move on. Well..."

She grabbed my neck again, forcing me to stand before leaning in, holding me close. I can hear her breathing in my ear her voice so dark as she said, "I want you to feel what I feel. I want you to know how it feels to carry the loss forever."

She bit down into my neck as I screamed in pain. The burn was excruciating, like a fire engulfing my insides. I felt the venom make its way towards my heart, the fire raging on.

The last thing I remember is a wolf snarling in anger before pouncing on the red haired vampire then everything went black.

For a moment, it was still and silent.

Then a burning sensation began then it intensified. I screamed as it blew up into a raging fire, surging through my veins. My heartbeat sped up. My diseased heart felt like it was going to combust within my chest. I can hear my own screams ringing in my ears.

It felt like an eternity of hell fire before the pain dwindled and all became silent.

The stillness and the silence became a heavenly moment. I did not feel the need to rest, nor was I tired but I know I was weak. I did not sleep but I remained in such a state.

I did not want to leave but I heard a voice call me.

"Bella. Please wake up. Bella??"

JACOB.

I opened my eyes and he gasped.

"Jacob. What's wrong?"

I got up weakly, suddenly aware of a burning in my throat. Jacob backed up.

"Bella. You're one of them now….You're eyes…they're red…"

He said "one of them." This could only mean one thing. I am a vampire. I couldn't speak, my shock must have shown in my face. I walked towards him but he suddenly backed up. I was then aware of a disgusting smell.

"You smell Jacob." I smiled at him, trying to get him to relax.

He only smiled back but kept his distance.

"I need to hunt Jacob." I said to him as the burn in my throat demanded my attention again.

"No. Not in my land. I'm sorry." Jacob sounded unsure of his words.

I looked at him and nodded. "No humans Jake. I promise." I made my way towards the door, everything felt surreal. My senses were sharper, I can feel strength and confidence in my steps. I am a vampire.

"Bella. Don't let anyone see. You're dead now. Funeral is today."

His voice held sadness and I suddenly felt guilt.

"You saved me from Victoria but you knew you can not save me from this. Yet, you let me exist. I am thankful Jacob."

Jacob nodded.

"You died when your truck blew up, as far as everyone is concerned. I will be at your funeral Bella because you are now lost. We can not be friends. The council will not allow that. You are forbidden from our land Bella. I am sorry."

I felt lost but this is a consequence I must accept. I ran, only turning once to look at him.

I heard everyone's gasp join my own as I pulled my powers back. I closed my eyes. I had to stop. I just couldn't bring myself to relive the funeral. Nonetheless, they had to know. I swore to be honest.

"I had a funeral. People from school were there, Charlie and Renee with Phil. I watched from a secluded place and I became angry because I could not cry with them. All I could manage was dry sobs because even though I was dead to them, they only lost one. I lost all of them because they must become dead to me. I hunted so much, not just to gorge my thirst but it also forced me to get lost in my instincts, where all it mattered was surviving."

I closed my eyes and let the room be engulfed in silence.

"Bella…" Alice's voice interrupted the precious silence.

I opened my eyes, I saw the venom tears in the eyes of some, guilt was in Edward's eyes, but Alice's eyes only held understanding. I have to continue.

"I wish I could share everything with you by using my powers but some things are not safe to share nor is it easy to."

I looked at everyone around the room. Carlisle only nodded.

"I lied to you Carlisle. I gave you little bits and pieces. Alice. I just kept everything from you. I did not want to implicate any of you in my problem. I merely wanted to get my old form back then I was going to handle the threat to me before returning to you."

Alice's eyes and face showed the hurt she felt. I was going to leave her when I promised not to.

"It did not work as I had intended and here we are." I smiled maniacally and stared at Edward.

"I hated you Edward. At first, for leaving me. I was killed by Victoria, turned by a monster when all I wanted was to love you and be turned by the person I loved. I wanted to live forever with you but you left me. I was angry at all of you because you left me too. Without a goodbye and you were all silent. You never came back to even check up on me, with a monster like Victoria after me, how long did you think it was going to take her to find out that you were all gone and I was fair game?"

Everyone's face showed their guilt and they all cast their eyes downward.

"I couldn't stay in Forks so I traveled. I hunted animals, kept to the trees. I made sure not to make any contact with any others of our kind. I ran away the moment they caught on to me. I was still a newborn so I was still faster, stronger, and I was in every way determined to do what I desired. Unfortunately, it didn't matter whether you are faster or stronger, especially to Demetri and Felix. Demetri began to track me, thinking I was a rogue vampire. Felix was the one who took me down. I knew of the Volturi but this was my first encounter. It was the battle with Felix that I discovered my shield. Felix pounced at me and I felt myself open something and the next thing I know, he bounced off of my shield. When Demetri saw this, he offered me a chance to train with them and come to Volterra. I had nothing to hold me down and I was angry at the only family I ever had so I joined them. It saved my life because I have no doubt they would have killed me had it not been for my power."

I gazed out at the window into the starlit sky. I did not want to see their eyes in fear of judgment of my decisions. I continued my explanations.

"I spent my first two years as a vampire training as a Volturi Guard. Aro was delighted to see my gift in action but dismayed because he could not read my mind at all. It only intrigued him further. With Demetri and Felix's help, I developed it. I realized that my power is not just a protective barrier but a means of communication and control. I could protect myself from physical attacks but I can extend it around someone else to protect them as well. However, I discovered that whenever someone is protected in my power, I can hear their thoughts and feel their feelings. Soon enough I learned to project my own feelings and my own thoughts at will. With my power, I can become an empath and a mind reader at will."

I looked at Edward and then Jasper. They had a look of envy at my words. I can not imagine not being able to turn off those gifts.

"Aro and I were the only ones immune to each other's power. I could not read his mind nor can he read mine. He tempted me with human blood many times on my first couple of months but it was easy for me to refuse so he finally just allowed me to go to the forest at will. It was in the forest when I found my other gift. I found a wolf there and I stalked it. It was then that I felt a light burn in my body, it spread through my whole entire body quickly. It wasn't until Felix came into the clearing and I pounced on him in surprise attack that I realized I was not in my body. Felix wrestled me to the ground and I howled at him. My howl turned into a scream and Felix yelped and got off me when I returned to my original form. For 4 months, that was all Aro forced me to develop. I can change into any animal I have ever made physical contact with, including the werewolves of Jacob's species."

It was a morbid scene of a story time, the children were vampires and the story was of death, lies, and betrayals.

"You know about the betrayal. I noticed Felix spending more time away from me and Demetri and sneaking away on his own at night. One night, I changed into a crow and followed him. I heard snippets of plans of killing Aro but starting with Demetri and me. He wrestled with how he was going to do it. He was going to use me to kill Demetri. He will force me to battle with Demetri and catch me then accuse me. Aro will have me killed. This will leave him free to kill Demetri then Aro, Marcus and Caius. It was a daring plan but I was not going to be his weapon. I knew Demetri would not believe me, I was a new guard, why would he put my opinions above Felix? I decided to talk to Felix first. That was my first mistake."

I extended my powers again and I gasped as my memories once again took me into myself.

"Felix. Whatever you are planning is not worth it."

He turned around, obviously shocked at my presence. He was staring at the fire in the massive fireplace prior to my entrance.

"I will not be your weapon. I will not kill Demetri."

He smirked at me then and lunged. He was a fool. I moved aside and let him grasp at nothing.

"You are stupider than I thought you were Isabella. I could kill Demetri with my own hands. You are the one standing in my way."

I laughed at him.

"What makes you think I will step aside and let you betray Aro? You do not have the power to kill me."

Felix's smile widened which concerned me a little.

"I will not kill you. Aro will when he finds out you killed Demetri. I have already planted a seed of doubt in his mind about you. He will be coming down here because I told him I was going to talk to you about these plans of betrayal. He will bring the other guards with him but they will be waiting for his signal. When he gets down here, I will kill him and finally give the other guards the signal of attack. They will see poor Demetri and I will play the perfect victim. You can't take on 15 guards Bella. Aro will kill you. I will kill Aro. Checkmate."

I was the fool. He wasn't going to use me to kill Demetri. I am his scapegoat. I growled at him and pounced. I can not let him do this. I heard Demetri's footsteps close by followed by a couple others. They were outside this room. I let my body slip into my instincts. I only had one purpose, survive.

Demetri opened the door and I yelled at him to back up but the precious seconds I spent doing that gave Felix enough time to send me to the ground and tackle Demetri down. I got up quickly and grabbed Felix, I threw him off of Demetri. He got up and lunged at me before yelling at Demetri.

"She was going to hurt you, I had to protect you, brother. Kill her!!"

I sidestepped his attack and grabbed him by the neck, lifting him above the ground. Demetri called to the other guards.

NO.

"He is the one planning on the betrayal Demetri!! Not me!!"

I yelled at Demetri in desperation. Felix used my distraction and kicked me away from him. I flew towards the fireplace but managed to keep myself from falling into the flames.

"Felix wants to be king. He will kill you as soon as he kills me."

Felix growled loudly and pounced at me, I sidestepped him once again before landing a kick on his stumbling figure. It was too late for me to save him when I realized that I had kicked him into the fire.

"She has betrayed us all."

Felix mumbled his last words before he screamed loudly and his whole body burst into flames.

The guards have arrived and Demetri's face hardened as he pointed to me. I saw the guards circle around me and I closed my eyes in anticipation of pain.

I flinched then felt my body stretch and I landed on grass with a familiar thud.

I looked around confused and saw that I was in the presence of werewolves.

How did I get here?

My power was weakening. I will need to hunt after this story time is over. The whole family is out of breath. The memory sharing is an acquired feeling. I looked at Alice and she weakly smiled at me.

I don't know what there is to smile about any more. I sighed and continued the story.

"I teleported. I was back in Forks. Jacob was the new alpha and he allowed me to stay. It was difficult at first, I was forced to stay in an old shack while he argued with the elders of the tribe. He had to bring me in once, to make a treaty. As long as I stay in Quileute land, I was not to harm a human being and I was not allowed to go anywhere outside Quileute land without Jacob's permission. I was not allowed to venture into Forks in fear of recognition. I agreed, I had no choice. I knew Demetri and the Volturi will be after me. I told Jacob only what was necessary and about Demetri and the Volturi. He accepted the challenge of chasing down vampires that were after me as if it were a game. Demetri came and without Jacob and his pack's knowledge, I would change into an animal to throw off Demetri's scent. When I took the form of the child, I knew it was dangerous and I needed Carlisle's help in returning back. After seeing Alice again, I wanted to move forward. It was time to stop running and time to start dealing with it. I am only sorry that now, I have involved your family in my plight."

Alice came forward and held my hand.

Alice. I have killed another, I have lied, I have put you and your family in danger. This does not have to be your fight.

I looked at her eyes and she shook her head at what I have said to her. As if Carlisle could hear my thoughts, he verbalized the answer that I know Alice was ready to give.

"Bella. I meant what I said. You are family now. We will protect you. We will stand by you in this."

I looked at all of them. They all nodded in agreement. I looked at Rosalie and she sighed before a thin smirk came upon her face followed by a small nod.

"There are only two options. Option one, we try to prove your innocence and option two, we fight. It could also get ugly, like we can try option one and end up with option two anyway."

I smiled at the simplicity of Jasper's plan. It's easier said than done definitely. They don't know who they are really dealing with. No vampire ever truly knows the power of the Volturi….unless you are a guard. In this we have an upper hand.

"I believe we need to provide a channel for diplomacy first and foremost but I will not be a fool and run in there without a back up. Perhaps we will be allowed to have some friends at our side in case of a battle."

Carlisle seemed lost in his thoughts for a moment. Before long, everyone began yelling out options, strategies and possible allies. From what I have so far heard, none would work. I will have to train them the way the Volturi trained me, this is the only way to even out the fight in some way.

Alice just held my hands and remained silent beside me.

I turned my face to look at her. She must have felt my eyes on her because she turned her head to look at me.

"Alice. I am sorry."

Alice let my hand go and I dropped my gaze to the ground. I felt the fear that I have truly lost her with my deception.

I was surprised when she wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me in for a tight hug then she pulled back with scolding eyes.

"Bella. You shouldn't have lied to me…but I can't say that the reason for your lies are noble. I love you so much and I don't ever want to loose you again. I will do what it takes to prove your innocence and to protect you but I can not do that unless you trust me."

I bit my lip and only managed to nod. She continued and her eyes held mine softly.

"I need to trust you and I need you to trust me. Can we do this for each other?"

I looked at her. I felt a pull towards her. I kissed her lightly, letting my lips graze hers before whispering yes.

Amidst the arguments and the noise in the background, Alice and I kept our silence by engaging our lips, tongue and mouth in each other's indulgences.

A/N: I hope you guys still like me enough to keep reading. I'm thinking....chapter fail. Anyways, we need to start developing some characters and the next couple of chapters should have some good interaction about all of them...I mean, they have to train together for the big fight but that doesn't mean they can not have fun!!