Another day, another chapter. No one cares about this story... even though this is my best chapter yet.
Upcoming, a lot of hijinks, getting tangled up, and someone in the Rebellion with sense!
Because, when you look at this world from within this world with sense, well...
Dragomir?
Dragomir: Yes, weird person who has no purpose?
Me: Oh, come off it, I'm the author, now do I own you?
Dragomir: You're a WHAT?
Me: I thought that I established this
Kylo: Sorry guys, these are our future selves talking about us, she doesn't own us unless we're OCs like me
Me: Thank you Kylo
Kylo opened the fridge and groaned. The ship he shared with Benny, the BennyRen, had a huge fridge that was usually stocked with goodies. Today, however, it was unusually depleted. Kylo sighed, assuming that Benny must have had one of his eating sprees and forgot to refill the fridge. Whenever Benny was excited or worried, he started to stress eat. Kylo glanced outside, expecting to see his brother hoarding all of the marshmallows and candy bars, and preparing to scold him for eating junk food for breakfast and ignore the fact that he himself also ate junk food for breakfast.
Instead, Benny was merely playing Commander. At least, he was attempting to play Commander, while Jack completely wrecked him. As Kylo watched, he realized that they were low on food for normal reasons. Frowning, Kylo switched on his comm and called Emmett.
"Hey, Emmett. Listen, are you running low on food? Benny and I are."
"Let me check," Emmett replied. "Oh yeah, Wildstyle and I are running low on food too! I was thinking that maybe we should try to go to a Mon Calamari town to resupply. The last time we resupplied was Coruscant, and that was way too dangerous. A little town shouldn't be crawling with Imperials. I'll go announce it to the other Rebels!"
Inside, Kylo was a little frustrated. He was the one who had pointed out the problem in the first place, not Emmett. Why should Emmett get all the glory? Mostly, however, he was just glad that they wouldn't have to survive on baloney. Man, he hated baloney.
Half an hour later, a bunch of sleepy Rebels assembled in front of the ships. 12 of the Rebels (mostly normal-looking people who wouldn't arouse suspicions), had decided to go along to the town. All of them immediately piled into the BennyRen, which was built for only about 5 people. Kylo sighed, and quickly set the controls to Ground Transport, and the ship lumbered toward the town, weighed down by the amount of Rebels on board.
Wait, why was the ship so weighed down by 12 people? It sounded like silly information in a fanfiction that would get really important later on.
Three hours later, the Rebels arrived at a small town. Kylo checked the onboard clock; it was already mid-morning. The BennyRen definitely wasn't made for 12 people, and Kylo made a mental note to enforce that rule in the future. With too many people, the ship was far too slow, especially for a quick escape. Looking at the Rebels, who were wearing mismatched clothing and pushing each other around, Kylo could see that any smart Imperial would become suspicious of the large group. With such an overcrowded ship, not to mention all the supplies, it was doubtful that they would be able to escape without leading the Imps to their base. Kylo voiced his concerns to Han, but Han just waved him off.
"Don't stress, Kylo. Chances are that there are no Imps here, since this town is so small. Not a lot of unhappy natives, just colonizers who are fine with the Empire, so no stormtroopers are necessary. If there are Imperials here, they'll be much too dumb to suspect a bunch of weirdos as being Rebels. We'll outnumber them anyway. Calm down."
Kylo frowned. "Don't you think that you're underestimating the Imperials just a bit…"
Han was already gone, waiting in line at a cotton candy stand.
Kylo shrugged. He was honestly tired of the Rebellion being so ridiculous, almost as ridiculous as Adam West Batman. (Emmett liked showing people funny videos that he had on his Earth hard drive, and this was one of the most common.) For once, he just wished that someone would actually be serious and consider the threat that the Empire actually posed to freedom. They weren't all a bumbling bunch of bozos. Sure, about 90% of them were, but considering the sheer number of the Empire's troops, it wasn't a stretch to at least worry about the threat that they were posing. Emmett, Han, and Luke thought that they would always be better than the Imps and completely wreck them easily. Kylo knew that sometimes, just sometimes, they had to take the enemy for what they were—an actual threat.
The Rebellion felt too much like a convoluted story sometimes.
"Kylo! Over here!" Benny yelled exuberantly. "They have cotton candy!"
Kylo debated his course of action, then walked over to Benny. Still, the Empire was about 90% stupid. What were the chances that, out of the twenty troopers they had seen, one was actually smart?
A couple hours later, Kylo was relaxing. So far, all of the troopers seemed to be complete dumbos, as the Rebels swarmed through the town, buying anything and everything they liked. Dak and Howard bought coffee cups plastered with Emmett's face (being a fictional movie star can have some drawbacks), which they shoved in Emmett's face, screaming with laughter. Further credit to the Imperials for being so stupid that they didn't recognize Emmett. Emmett blushed and muttered something about copyrighting his face while the rest of the Rebels started to laugh. They stopped laughing, however, when Dak and Howard bought a lot of plain mugs and plastered stickers of all the other Rebel's faces on it. Instead of laughing, the Rebels now demanded where they had gotten the stickers. Dak and Howard pointed to a Print-Your-Own-Stickers stand, and explained that they had uploaded photos of all of the Rebel's faces. The Rebels were angry, but then decided to get more mugs and make a 'special' cup for everyone in the Rebellion. At the very least, they could humiliate the other Rebels as much as they had just been humiliated.
Ezra soon raided an ice cream store run by two stormtroopers. Kylo thought that this was a risky move, but the troopers didn't notice a thing, not even when Ezra stole their belts and their pink underwear was revealed for all to see. For a while, Kylo had to stand guard over the store, telling new customers not to snicker too much. Or, for that matter, laugh their faces off. Again, risky move, but nothing bad seemed to happen. Why did it always feel like life was convoluted fanfiction?
Kylo watched as the Rebels bustled around. As Obi-Wan and Anakin bought tons of food for the Rebels, Luke got air fresheners. Don't ask why. Han bought everyone some fireworks (Kylo wasn't sure how they were going to set those off without Imperial interference), and Emmett grabbed about fifty bags of marshmallows. The Rebellion wouldn't run out of s'mores supplies any time soon. Benny found a teddy bear in a store, and the derpy spaceman just wouldn't take no for an answer. Jyn and Cassian snuck into a camping store, securing lighters, matches, orange flashlights, black raincoats, and silver sleeping bags. Fred got a lot of candy for the Alfreds and Mixels, while Dragomir found some derpy hats. Leia and Padmé went into a clothing store, and they walked out, two hours later, with new outfits for everyone in the Rebellion. So, about 40 outfits. Honestly, pretty normal.
Kylo glanced around, noticing that the sun was sinking in the sky. People were no longer going into the ice cream store, and Kylo left his post with a grateful sigh. The locals started to retreat into their houses, which struck Kylo as odd. The evening was still warm, and the air contained a perfect amount of moisture. What was the matter? Kylo was about to investigate when he heard Emmett calling out to the Rebels.
"Guys!" he shouted. "Over here! I found an awesome place!" Kylo grumbled, but he followed the leader's voice until he was standing in front of a huge, glowing store. The sign read Electronics For All. Kylo shrugged. What was the big deal? Emmett had built a couple tablets for people to share, and they worked well enough.
Emmett, however, soon shot down these assumptions. "The tablets I made have almost no storage, so you can't get anything besides one app, and I don't know how to build a proper Wi-Fi router. We need some headphones, computers, and who can say no to TVs? This store has it all."
Would new tablets be central to an inside joke to the Rebellion one day? Hm. Wait. Something is weird.
The Rebels walked into the brightly-lit store, gawking at all the technology that assaulted their eyes. TVs, desktops, laptops, tablets, phones, music players, calculators, and more glared out at them, demanding to be noticed and bought. Kylo looked and noted that the other Rebels were being drawn in as well. He cleared his throat to get them on track. The group split up, searching through the store for the most needed supplies.
Jyn and Cassian, working together, grabbed enough phones for everyone, as well as several Wi-Fi routers that could make a signal that covered the entire base. Meanwhile, Han secured about twenty desktop computers, approximately one for each ship. Anakin and Obi-Wan bought half of the Rebellion tablets, half of them touch-screen laptops. Kylo got a huge television for each ship, while Fred got cases for all the devices that could use them. The cases were white, at least until Dak stole them and Howard plastered face stickers all over them. Luke was tasked with getting everyone headphones, while Ezra and Emmett bought charging and connecting cords. Pretty soon, the two younger members of the Rebellion were completely tangled up in cords while everyone else laughed at them. When the salespeople weren't looking, Dragomir waved his wand, untangling the blushing Rebels and coiling the cords neatly. Leia and Padmé were already starting to decorate the computers when the Rebels paid for everything. The salespeople carried everything out for them, but Han told them not to deliver anything directly. No need to tell everyone the location of their base. Now, however, they were faced with a dilemma—how were they going to get everything back in the already crowded BennyRen? Kylo sighed. Right now, he would have gladly had all the Rebellion ships present, even if it would make the Imperials even more suspicious of the large group.
Just as the Rebels were puzzling over how they were going to solve this new-found problem, the Imperials complicated things even more. Kylo saw two troopers marching down the street. When they saw someone outside, they pointed their blasters at the poor person. "Curfew is in effect," announced one of the troopers. "Stand down for arrest." The person had no choice but to obey. Kylo groaned, realizing that the Imperials would surely recognize them, when there wasn't a crowd to get lost in. They stuck out like sore thumbs. Even if they managed to haul everything to the BennyRen in time, the combination of food, supplies, electronics, and Rebels would slow the ship down so much, it was doubtful whether it could outpace a walking person. What could be done?
"Hey! Over there! Looks like Rebels!" shouted the other trooper. Kylo grimaced. Why were they only recognized now? Benny cuddled his teddy bear closer. Kylo thought desperately, but couldn't come up with a viable plan that would leave them ahead of the stormtroopers, with all their stuff, and keeping their base safe. Glancing around, he could see that all the others had arrived at the same conclusion. Kylo braced himself. If they were going down, he at least wasn't going down without a fight.
Just as the Imperials were about to bear down on the Rebels, a high pitched whine filled the air. Kylo was confused as to what the sound was, but Ezra clearly recognized it.
"It's a speeder bike!" he shouted. "Something's happening!"
As the Imperials approached the Rebels, they were suddenly pummelled back by a burst of hot air as a speeder bike skidded to a stop in front of them. It was painted deep green, with splashes of orange across it. Rebellion symbols were a main focus of these highlights, assuring the Rebels that this was help.
Kylo, having been focused on the bike, looked up and caught a glimpse of the driver. She was young and pretty, with short hair that had been dyed midnight blue, with orange tips. She had plate armor on her chest and legs, splatter-painted pink, purple, and orange. Kylo didn't recognize her at all.
Ezra, on the other hand, did. "Sabine?" he gasped.
Okay. Kylo was sure of it. Life was fanfiction. The whole thing's rigged.
Sabine glanced down, and seemed ready to say something, but the Imperials had just managed to stagger to their feet. One of them already had a walkie-talkie out, calling for backup. The other pulled out his blaster and aimed. Ezra grabbed his lightsaber, igniting it and deflecting the blaster bolts. The bolts knocked the blaster right out of the trooper's hand.
Ezra smirked. "Guns curfew is in effect. Drop your weapon. Oh, wait, you already did! Here's a special treat: you get to be knocked out, not killed!" He proceeded to shoot two electric bolts at the duo, knocking them out. "Take a nice nap, guys. You'll do better than anyone else around here."
Just as Ezra made this cocky statement, the sound of boots slamming down on concrete could be heard. A squadron of fifty troopers came into sight, running straight toward the group. As the other Rebels started to back down, Sabine grabbed her blasters, hitting off four shots that immediately knocked down five troopers. She opened a comm and shouted, "Snazzy, Mitchell, you're needed about now!"
As the person on the other side responded, Sabine's face contorted into an even more furious glare, though Kylo wasn't sure how that was possible. "I'm not taking no for an answer, Snazzy! I don't care that you want to be inconspicuous, you need to help us NOW!"
Soon, when about 35 troopers were still remaining, the engines of another ship could be heard. A large ship, with huge engines and painted entirely gray, came into view, guns blazing. While the ship continued to fire rounds, a dude jumped out. He was wearing a nice black suit, which contrasted with his lime-green baseball cap and silver sunglasses. He grimaced at Sabine, and she punched his arm in return.
"Don't leave me hanging like that again, Snazzy! Don't be a wimp!"
"Sorry, Sabine," mumbled the guy, Snazzy. "We just want to stay out of trouble."
"If you saw that one more time, Snazzy, I'll bring the trouble to you, in the form of all the Imperials that are tailing me!"
Snazzy sighed dejectedly, firing a shot from his modified blaster that took out five of the Imperials. Kylo was impressed, and was about to say so, but Snazzy sighed again, like he didn't even notice. Kylo started to get angry with the guy. The Empire was chasing after them, all these people were in danger, and all he could do was sigh? Who cares that life was fanfiction and likely to turn out fine anyway, they could still use help. Kylo grabbed Snazzy by the shoulders and steered him away from the group, so he could give him a private talk.
"Listen, man," Kylo stated, quietly and angrily. "I don't know what you're thinking, acting like this. The Empire is after us, the squads are trying to shoot us down, all our new stuff is in danger, and you're just whining about it all? Dude, your name is Snazzy. Live up to it and have a snazzy attitude."
Snazzy drew a deep breath. "Okay. Okay. Snazzy attitude. Like… this?"
Snazzy proceeded to fire his blaster five times, taking out the 15 troopers that were left. He turned and smirked. "There we go. That was a confidence booster. I feel pumped!"
"Hurry and get all our stuff in your ship, then," Kylo suggested encouragingly.
Soon, all the electronics were in the gray ship, which had no problem carrying not only them, but half of the Rebels. Ezra jumped on Sabine's speeder bike, and the rest of the Rebels ran after the ships as they rocketed toward the BennyRen. Once there, Kylo ejected the BennyRen's towing cable, and Snazzy's ship easily towed the overloaded ship, along with the Rebels, at a cruising 60 miles per hour.
Kylo really needed to upgrade the BennyRen.
After only half an hour, the three ships arrived back at the Rebel base. Kylo checked the horizon, and was pleased to report that there were no Imperials tailing them. Their base would be safe, if only for a little while longer. Snazzy and Mitchell gladly joined the Rebellion, and Sabine declared that she had never actually left the Rebellion, so of course she was already part of it. Then, she and Ezra hugged. This provoked sighs of both pleasure and annoyance, and credits were passed around among the Rebels. A surprisingly large number of Rebels had predicted that a slightly more… intimate display of affection was in order. Kylo was glad that they were wrong.
Their fanfiction, considering how nobody ever died, was totally K+ anyway.
Finally, the Rebels were settled. A new bag of marshmallows was opened, pajamas were unfolded and put on, hats were placed on heads, sleeping bags were pulled out, lighters were prepared, and a tarp was pulled out. Soon, a bonfire was roaring, so large that all 60-something Rebels could fit around it. Some of the guys were telling scary stories and shining flashlights in each other's faces, some of the girls were gossiping and chattering, and everyone was roasting marshmallows. People were playing around on their phones/tablets/computer, and someone was wrecking someone on Commander. Life was great.
Just as the first people started to doze off, a sudden BANG was heard. Yet again, a bulb of light appeared above the fire. This time, Emmett, Wildstyle, Han, Leia, Ezra, Sabine, Niksput, Tungster, and Snoof were pulled through it. The other Rebels jumped up, hurriedly adjusting the tarp, as the doorway closed. Unlike the last time this had happened, however, the Rebels did not immediately reappear through the light. In fact, the light disappeared altogether. Benny tried to climb up the tarp to find "the tingly light", as he called it, but he fell off without any success.
"What happened?" asked Luke desperately. "I thought we were done with extra-dimensional travel! Why are we always the ones that everyone goes to for universe-warping stuff?"
Dragomir, whom everyone knew was the expert on this sort of thing, grimaced. "We were done with dimensional jumping, but someone else wasn't. Something went wrong. Instead of someone coming here…"
"People from our universe went there," Kylo finished. "They won't be able to come back."
Well, maybe they would come back, considering this is fanfiction and all, but still.
Life sucked.
(Okay, why does everything end like that?)
See what Kylo was talking about in the disclaimer?
The fact that they are actually fanfiction may come into play eventually (ok it totally will happy now?)
Okie, I actually have to finish the next chapter before I can post it, so it'll be a while! Just be prepared, alright? MORE FANDOMS AWAIT DUUN DUUN DUUUUUUUUN
~Horseluv
