A/N i know, this is taking so long but finally i managed to post this! Thank you LaLizi for editing!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything obvs, plus a bit of this chapter is based on "Daddy's gone" by Glasvegas

It was Tuesday afternoon and Anna decided to stop by John's office so they'd go home together.

J. - "What a nice surprise!" – He said, inviting her to sit in his lap.

A. - "I just couldn't wait to see you" – she said, as she kissed him hello.

J. - "Well, you picked the best day. I'm all done for the day."

The phone rang. It was his secretary, so he pressed the speaker.

S. - "Sorry, Mr. Bates, but it's… it's him again."

J. - "Just tell him I already left or something" – Anna stood up and sat at the edge of his desk.

S. - "You don't understand… he's here."

J. - "Get rid of him, please."

S. - "No, you can't go in there. Excuse me, Sir! Oh, sorry, Mr. Bates."

At that moment, the doors opened and an old man appeared, followed closely by John's secretary.

S. - "I'm so sorry, Mr. Bates."

J. - "Don't worry. I didn't expect this man would have any respect. You may leave now... And you? What are you doing here?"

B. - "You haven't returned any of my calls."

J. - "... And you wonder why?"

B. - "Please John. I need to talk to you."

J. - "Too bad. I don't feel the same way. Anyway, we were just leaving, so please leave."

But the man didn't move. He just stared at John, but then his gaze turned to Anna.

B. - "I'm sorry for the inconvenience, Miss…?"

A. - "Smith, Anna Smith" – she said offering her hand, and the old man was about to shake it.

J. - "Don't touch her! Don't you dare!"

B. - "John please. I mean no harm. I just want to talk."

J. - "Well… you had 30 years, didn't you? Leave… please."

B. - "I will, for now, but if you change your mind, please know I'll be waiting."

He tried to give him a piece of paper with his contact information, but he turned away to look at the window, so he gave it to Anna and she accepted it.

B. - "I'm really sorry for this, Miss Smith. It was nice to meet you anyway."

J. - "Don't worry… take care will you?"

B. - "I will"- he turned to leave, but he stopped at the door. "I hope you'll give me a chance. I do love you son."

J. - "Don't… just leave!" – He said, without turning around.

When he finally left, Anna returned to sit at the edge of the desk watching John's back. She could tell he was affected by the encounter, but she knew him and she knew she should give him space. After a few minutes, he finally spoke.

J. - "I'm sorry you had to see that."

A. - "Don't be. Are you alright?"

J. - "I will be. Don't worry."

A. - "Will you tell me?"

J. - "Yes… but, not now… Just… Please" – he said turning around, reaching his hand to her.

A. - "It's ok. I'm right here" – she said, embracing him. She could feel how he relaxed in her arms – "Do you want to go home now?"


Days went by and John didn't even mention the encounter with Anna, but she knew he was still affected. He wasn't himself. She couldn't take it anymore, so, one night while they were having dinner, she decided it was time to talk.

A.- "John… you can't go on like this."

J.- "Like what?"

A.- "Lately, you are not yourself. You are cranky all the time. I know you are thinking about him, but you won't even talk to me."

J.- "I'm sorry Anna. It's just too difficult…. But, I'm trying. I'm really trying to forget about it. That's why I don't want to talk about it."

A.- "You just can't forget about it John. He is your father."

J.- "Well,… not really is he?"

A.- "Why don't you talk with him? Why don't you want to find out what he wants?"

J.- "Oh, I know very well what he wants. He is old now. He probably wants to resolve 40 years of pain in a 10 minute conversation. I won't give him that. I won't talk to him."

A.- "Don't do it for him… Do it for yourself. This is killing you and you don't deserve it. You need to put closure on this. Maybe he doesn't deserve forgiveness as your father, but we all deserve to be heard as humans."

J.- "You won't let it rest will you?"

A.- "No. I won't, because you won't either. I'm sure it will be a difficult conversation, but you won't be at ease until you do it."

J.- "I… I guess you are right… You are always right, aren't you?"

A.- "That's pretty much how it is."


Arranging a meeting with his father was very hard for John, but he knew he couldn't delay it anymore. He was to go to Downton for two days for some meetings with Robert, so he decided to see him the day before so that he could take those days to relax. Now, he was sitting in front of his father, both silent for a few minutes, not knowing what to say until he couldn't take it anymore.

J.- "What do you want, then? I'm here. Will you say you are sorry? Do you want my forgiveness?"

B.- "No, I won't ask that from you. I know I don't deserve it. You are my son and I love you. I just needed to see you and talk to you."

J.- "I am your son… and you just remembered that?"

B.- "Listen, John I…"

J.- "No, you listen to me. I'm not here for you. I'm here because there is so much I wanted to tell you. You were my hero you know? Do you remember how you used to put me on your shoulders? I guess I was too young to know how much you would hurt me. And what way was that to treat your wife? ….To see your children only on Saturdays, and later, not even then? When you two separated, it was hard, but at least we had you on the weekends. Then, one day you weren't there… and Maggie came to me and said, "Forget your dad, he is gone."… Why? Why did you leave!?"

B.- "I thought it was for the best… I never stopped loving your mother and when she met that man, I knew he was better than I. I knew you, your mother and your sister deserved him and not me. I was nothing. I had to get away."

J.- "Your daughter died… and you weren't there. You have a grandson you know? I raised him like my son, and there was no one for us in the world. No one."

B.- "I was there. I went to the funeral. I saw him"

J.- "And it never occurred to you that we might have needed you?"

B.- "Do you really think I would have helped? …That you couldn't do a better job raising that boy on your own?"

J.- "I was a 25 year old penniless, criminal, alcoholic, drug addict widower with a limp, so yes, I think I could have used some help."

B.- "But how? If that's exactly who I was. That's who my father was, who I am and who you are."

J.- "No. Not me. I'm not that man anymore."

B.- "Are you sure son? I thought many times I had left it all behind, that I could come back, but it took me 30 years. We will always be addicts. We will always be "Bates". We have it in our blood."

J.- "Not me."

B.- "Yes, you! ….And you won't change that until you accept it."

J.- "No. I am a hardworking father. That's who I am. I haven't had a drink in 19 years."

B.- "That doesn't mean tomorrow you won't have one. We are sick John. There's no cure for this. Your girl… Anna… do you love her?"

J.- "Yes. I do love her, so very much."

B.- "Did you love your ex wife?"

J.- "I thought I did."

B.- "….. And I loved your mother, but that didn't stop me, and that didn't stop you with your ex. What makes you think it'll be different with Anna?"

J.- "Why are you telling me this? Why are you tormenting me?"

B.- "Because Anna deserves true happiness, and so do you. And you won't get it until you look inside you, find out who you are and fight it. I never did. Well, that's until now. And you might think you did, but you only paused who you really are for that boy, but that doesn't mean you've changed."

J.- "I… I have to go now…"

B.- "John, I know you can't forgive me, at least not now… but, if I may ask something… Please, let me back in your life, at least a bit. I want to know my grandson."

J.- "I… I'll think about it."

B.- "Thank you."


John didn't go straight home, and when he finally arrived, he found Anna asleep on the sofa already in her pajamas. He kneeled in front of here and gently woke her up.

A.- "There you are", she said with a sleepy yawn.

J.- "I'm sorry it's so late. Come, let's go to bed."

A.- "How was it?"

J.- "It was weird. Good, I suppose... I… I don't know really", he said standing up offering his hand to her. When she took it, he silently guided her to their room where he undressed while she observed him from the bed. Then, he finally joined her, but stayed on his side of the bed, away from her. She reached to touch his arm.

J.- "Anna… Please, don't… not tonight."

A.- "But… you are leaving tomorrow."

J.- "I know, but… I'm sorry, I just can't". He pressed a soft kiss on her lips and then turned away from her.

Yes, it was weird, but she understood. She tried to understand. He was affected after seeing his father. That was it… or was it? She had felt that kiss like a goodbye kiss, but that couldn't be what it was. When she woke up the next morning, he had already left.


We are almost there! Just one more chapter and an epilogue. I'll try to update soon. As soon as this is finished i'll start posting a new story that it's almost over now :) thank you all for your reviews!