Xiana: Hello, hello, I'm here again with another tale to tell you. This one is… well… yeah. I don't really have anything to say about this. Ehm… I should probably put a disclaimer in here this time. Just in case…
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or anything related to it. I also do not think that Paris Hilton should die, although she did attract rather too much media attention for my liking. This story is a result of dealing with that stress and as such should not be taken seriously. Please do not accuse me of wanting to kill Ms. Hilton or try to sue me or anything. Thank you.
Well… er… that should tell what this one's going to be about…
Suggested Listening: "Stars are Blind" by Paris Hilton. Why? I don't know. (He's on third.) Bonus points if you understood that last part.
12. Starstruck
The media was an important tool for use in capturing Kira. L could use it to send subtle messages to contacts around the world, or just try and reassure the general population. It was for that reason that he insisted on watching at least two hours of the news every night. Raito, of course, watched the news with him, because he wanted to keep tabs on the elusive detective, and because he was amused by Kira's continuing progress through the world. It had also become a tradition for the two to scan the broadcasts for information about Kira in the months preceding Higuchi's death, and any sudden change in behavior might make L even more suspicious than he already was. And Raito couldn't have that.
Plus, it wasn't as if Raito didn't like watching the news with L. It was actually fun for him to watch L wracked with guilt over each fresh Kira killing, to observe him searching for clues that did not exist. Of course, he had to portray himself as a sympathetic colleague willing to do whatever it would take to bring the horrible criminal to justice. The acting was a pain, but Raito was used to it by now. He never regretted the time he spent each night, sitting on the couch next to Ryuuzaki, listening to a bland announcer describing the deaths he had caused.
Nothing was absolute, however, and it was for this reason that Raito truly regretted watching the news one Saturday in late May. The usual reports of victims and newly committed crimes were all gone, replaced by a certain woman. Her face filled every channel they changed to, until even the unshakeable Ryuuzaki became at least a little annoyed.
"Raito-kun, why is this 'Perisuu' person so important that she's being shown on every channel? I mean, she's not even Japanese. Doesn't the world have something more important to focus on? Something like, I don't know, the presence of a deranged, inhuman killer wanting to take control of it?" he eventually complained, after thirty straight channels delved directly into "continuous, 24-hour coverage" of the oh-so-important Paris Hilton case, featuring expert opinions and the repetitive use of two photographs of the heiress throughout the broadcast.
"Ah, you know us Japanese. We're fascinated by English words and the American lifestyle, just like those American otaku-" (He pronounced this word "oh-tack-you") "-who seem to think that Japan is the best country in the world."
"… Are you trying to say it isn't?" L asked, just a bit confused. He wasn't an oh-tack-you, per se, but he certainly liked the country enough to take a Japanese name (two, actually) for his own personal use, and why else would a British person do that? "Anyway, I don't think that anything else is going to be on, unfortunately. Maybe we should just call it a night? It's that or we watch something pointless and brain-killing, like MTV or something."
"Well, usually I'm all for killing brains, in a non-Kira way, of course, but knowing them, they'll probably be covering the Paris case, too." Following that logical statement, they headed to bed, hoping that the media frenzy would be over in the morning.
Naturally, it wasn't. The big news of the day was that Paris, having violated the terms of the parole, was to serve a longer period of time in jail. The huge controversy was that she was being given a higher sentence than most offenders because she was a "celebrity." The logical argument against this, one fully supported by both Ryuuzaki and Raito, was that Miss Hilton had been reprimanded and let off easily multiple times because of her status, and the fed-up judge had "thrown the book at her" because he didn't want her to continue to flout the law and endanger the well-being of others. This time, L only flipped between 10 channels before giving up and watching shojo anime instead.
"Why 'Nana,' L?" Raito questioned.
"Because it's full of teenage drama and angst, which were both things that were missing from my childhood, so I'm catching up," L explained. "Plus, Nana K. is so cute and I love Mika Nakashima!" And that was the final word on the matter.
The next few days were the same, to the point where not even Fruits Basket reruns could reenergize the detective. On the sixth day, L made one fateful comment that made Raito's life very painful for a while.
"You know, I'm surprised that Kira hasn't just killed her by now. She is technically a criminal after all, and Kira has killed people for insignificant crimes before. Hmmm… at this point, I'm almost starting to wish that he would…" Then Love Hina came on, and it seemed that everything would be all right again.
The next day, it was announced that Paris Hilton had died. Of a heart attack, no less.
Of course, blame was immediately thrust upon Kira. And because L thought that Raito was Kira, and since Raito had heard his comment the previous night, he was immediately confined to his room on the grounds that the percentage chance that he was Kira had increased by 50 percent.
Before being locked in his room, however, he had called Misa and confirmed that she had not been the killer in this situation. He certainly hadn't done it, of course, so that meant that either a new notebook had entered the world or some shinigami had it out for him. Or it was a major coincidence. That didn't seem likely.
No matter what the real situation was, he was, well, screwed. All Raito could do was sit on his bed, read his dirty magazines ("It's a perfectly normal reaction to stress, Yagami-san. Even I have been known to do that on occasion."), and wait for something to happen.
After a particularly intense issue of Tease ("Special Report: Cat Ears- Who Has 'Em, Who's Lost 'Em"), L walked into the bedroom, presumably to interrogate Raito-kun. He pulled a chair up next to the bed and sat down in his customary position.
"So, Raito-kun, I'm sure you know that this looks pretty bad," he started, not wasting any time. "There is a lot of evidence that proves you are Kira for certain this time."
"Yeah, I guess, but I honestly didn't do it."
"You seem pretty calm about all this, Raito-kun. Disposed of all the evidence, did you?"
"Nope. There isn't any evidence, because it wasn't me. And… I know this probably won't mean much to you, but I don't really care if you think I did it. I've had a lot of time to think this over, and there is purely circumstantial evidence against me, so you can't really use it in court."
"I suppose you have a point, but that honestly doesn't matter. I solve the crimes. I don't do law work on the side. Your reaction to all this is much different than it was earlier, though."
"Well, I suppose that at some point, you get used to being accused of murder. And, well, this may seem like a pretty damning statement, but I'm not sorry that she's dead. She never did anything productive for society, though she certainly had the means. She got attention for being a stupid, spoiled, rich brat. Frankly, good riddance to bad rubbish. And if Kira killed her, well, I'm afraid that I have to take his side just this one time."
"You were right that it sounds bad, but I suppose that I feel the same way. In fact, I absolutely agree with you. Well, you heard what I said, after all. And the only real reason that I am not suspected instead of you is that I'm a famous detective-type and you're a former Kira-suspect. I guess it isn't very fair, is it/"
"No, not at all." Raito sighed. "Well, you know you don't have to believe me, as I said earlier, but I certainly would prefer that you did."
"Well, it seems that I do believe you, at least on this occasion, Raito-kun. It seems to me that Kira's ideals have more to do with violent crimes than petty misdemeanors, even though they may be smeared constantly across the screen. Plus, Kira wants the world to think of him as a god, so he would probably refrain from killing someone so immensely popular, yes? And if you were Kira, it wouldn't make any sense for you to kill her immediately after I commented about it, unless you were trying to throw me off, which I doubt. Also the notebook is just as safe as it has been, and it doesn't seem as if any pages have been torn out, either. There is one thing, though… I highly doubt that you, even being a hardened murderer, would want to kill someone for the sake of our friendship, but… my comment last night was hasty and not well-planned at all. Of course, now the entertainment news has nothing to report about besides her death, and it seems that won't change for many a day. I'm sure that in tomorrow's newspaper, we'll have all kinds of foolish theories about why Kira killed her and newly-unearthed evidence proving that Kira is really such-and-such a family member or ex-lover, as opposed to a Japanese school-aged child/teen with connections to the police force."
"I agree with you, Ryuuzaki. It looks like more shojo anime for us then, huh?" Raito attempted a smile. If Ryuuzaki didn't think that he had done it, he would surely let him free, right?
"Well, maybe… I'm afraid that I'll have to have you under constant surveillance for 12 more days. If the 13-day rule is false and you did it, nothing will happen to you," L reminded him.
"But if it is true and I didn't do it, or even if it is false but I still didn't do it, you can't prove anything. The only way that you'll know anything for certain is if I do die, which I won't, unless it's another random coincidence like the one that got her."
"Yes, but I know that, well, you're a childish person. And because of that, you might want to kill a person like that, just to annoy me further."
"What are you accusing me of now?" Raito asked resignedly.
"Childishness, of course. There's no shame to it, Raito-kun, I have the same quality myself, and it's not necessarily a bad thing. But it's true. If you are Kira, you will want to put yourself ahead of me no matter what, even if it's something stupid."
"Aren't we missing the point a little? A woman –not a very good woman, mind you- is dead, and we're arguing over logic. Again."
"Well, in that case, I suppose I shall see you later then, Raito-kun, since you obviously don't want me around anymore." L waved jauntily and stepped out of the room, closing the door with a heavy slam and locking it shut. Raito sighed and turned back to the March edition of Caught on Camera ("Special Locker Room Edition!").
---
After 13 days had passed, during which Raito read every piece of literature, questionable or not, that was to be found in his room, L finally let him go free.
"Well, nothing conclusive has happened, so I'm afraid that I can no longer keep you in captivity. You are free to continue working on the case with the rest of us, now."
"It took you long enough… You never believe me when I tell you that I'm innocent!"
"Well, that's because I still believe that you're Kira."
"Even if you consider that to be true, that I am Kira, I told you that I didn't take your cake after you accused me that one time, and it turned out to have been Aizawa."
"Yes, but of course I never actually thought that you did it. I was using you as bait to get the real villain of the story to confess. Everyone knows that you don't eat sweets."
"Whatever." Raito sighed heavily. "Ryuuzaki, I'm going to visit Misa. I'm sure that she's worried about me." Plus, I have to find out what the situation is. If there's another Kira out there, I need to learn about him and get him under my control as soon as possible.
"Of course, Raito-kun. She did seem very worried about you when she showed up this morning, so it is probably for the best. I'll give you the day off, so please return by noon tomorrow."
"Don't worry. I won't be gone long." I can't afford to be. Rem would disappear, which would make me look even more suspicious.
After waving goodbye to L, his father, and the rest of the investigative team, he set off for Misa's apartment, a place he had never been and had never wanted to go. Once he arrived, he mentally prepared himself before pressing the doorbell.
The intercom immediately crackled to life. "Misa-Misa here! Please identify yourself, okay?"
"Misa, it's me, Raito." The door opened immediately, and Misa leapt out into Raito's arms.
"Oh, Raito-kun! I missed you so much! Did that mean Ryuuzaki lock you up again? If he hurt you, I'd be glad to go over there and give that L a piece of my mind… and learn his real name so that we can kill him."
"I missed you too, Misa," Raito lied. "But don't go to all that trouble for me. Besides, I'd rather spend time with you, anyway."
"You're so sweet! But come on in, I was just making some lovely cookies!" Misa ushered him in, showing him to a powdery blue couch that was entirely too plush and squashy for Raito's taste. She then disappeared into the kitchen, returning a minute later with a plate of round and piping hot morsels. After waiting for them to cool sufficiently, Raito took one, just to be polite. To his surprise they actually turned out to be quite delicious. "Oh, you like them? I'm so glad! I've been practicing recently, 'cuz I'm gonna be a good housewife for you! But, um… why did you come to visit me today, Raito-kun?"
"Well, I hadn't seen you for weeks, so I wanted to check in with you. How's the model work going?"
"It's going fine…"
"Good… Uh… Gotten any new job offers recently?"
"A few, but Raito, it's not like you to ask about me and it's even less like you to tiptoe around a subject. What's on your mind?"
Raito cursed inwardly; he had forgotten that Misa did have a brain, even if she sometimes chose not to use it. "Well… you know how I called you two weeks ago, asking if you had killed Paris Hilton?"
"Um, yes… That's not exactly the kind of thing that you forget right away…"
"Well, the night before she died, I was watching the news with L, and he mentioned something about how he wished she would die. And the next morning, well, you know what happened… Since I was with him at the time, and since he apparently thinks that the world revolves around him, I was suspected immediately, and he wouldn't let me go for 13 days because of that fake rule I wrote in. What's been happening? There isn't a new Kira, is there?"
"No, not as far as I know. Also, even though most people still think that we –Kira- did it, the official autopsy report says that because of all the rich and greasy food she ate before she started… watching her weight, the cholesterol buildup in her arteries was enough to finally kill her."
"Wow." Raito was impressed. "So you knew to pay attention to the news reports from my phone call?"
"That's not exactly it… She's been the world's foremost item of news for almost three weeks straight, an alarming trend which shows no sign of stopping."
"All right, Misa… Here's what we're going to do to get revenge on L. Ryuuzaki complained about how she was always on television, so he must really be getting sick of it. Now, Misa, if you don't mind seeing her face some more, I propose that we write a letter. A letter from us. From Kira. This letter will tell the world that we had nothing to do with her death, and will understandably garner a lot of media attention, thereby ensuring that L is frustrated for a very long time."
"So far it sounds good!"
"Yeah, but we're going to have to be very careful, because it'll be his only clue for a while. We can't leave anything that he could trace back to us, or we'll be caught for sure. First, we should write out a draft of the letter, and then we'll have to figure out a way to deliver it."
"What do you want me to do?"
"I know that you've had experience with the letter writing before, but I think that we can make the process a little less obvious, so that we definitely won't be found out. Once we've finished here, we'll just have to sit back and wait for our plan to be completed." Raito straightened and began howling with laughter. After a second of indecision, Misa joined him.
"Oy, keep it down next door, eh? I'm trying to watch my programs!"
---
Aside from learning that Misa was a good cook and that she lived next to an old British bloke who very rarely wore pants, Raito discovered that the plan needed to be more complex than even he had imagined, and Raito was quite capable of imagining some fairly complex plans. Nevertheless, he sat down with L a few nights later with a sort of fearful anticipation; if everything had gone well, which Raito knew it had, the news report featuring his letter would be on shortly.
"This is a breaking news update! We have just received a mysterious letter –a letter claiming to be from Kira himself!" the pretty, vivacious reporter and known ex-felon exclaimed. "This marks only the second known communication from the true Kira, and it's an important message showing Kira's view of a recent controversy. I'm talking, of course, about the death of Paris-sama."
Beside him, L groaned and slumped backwards into his comfortable chair. "What's wrong, Ryuuzaki? If it really is from Kira, it could be just the clue we need to find him once and for all, and punish him!"
"Yes, Raito-kun, if. More likely, it's from a Kira fangirl/boy… or another Kira…" L sighed heavily. "Not to mention, it's still Perisu. I am wholeheartedly sick of that case."
"Even so, this could be-"
"Be quiet, Yagami-kun. The program is starting." Although L had initially seemed reluctant, it seemed that his dislike of Paris Hilton was weaker than his desire to nab Kira once and for all.
"And now for the letter." The woman cleared her throat and read clearly and directly, as if she had practiced several times beforehand, which Raito knew that she had.
"To whom it may concern: This is a message from the one you have dubbed Kira. It has recently come to my attention that the majority of the world holds me responsible for the death of one Hiruton Perisu. Some have gone so far as to claim that I am one of the relatives of the deceased. As a powerful and benevolent being, it is my sincere wish to remove blame from those unfortunate souls as soon as possible. Even though it is my hope that the world will soon come to recognize me as a protector of justice with the people's best interests at heart, I know that to many of you, I am simply a killer. To remove that stigma of blame from those unjustly accused, I have a few messages that I hope you will pay utmost attention to.
"First, those people are innocent. Please consider that they are going through a very hard time in their lives, and to be accused of murdering their beloved sibling, daughter, or friend when they are mourning the loss of that sibling, daughter, or friend must cause feelings of anger, confusion, and betrayal. They may become unstable in their grief, and try to cause harm to themselves and others. Therefore, I must ask those of you who have been unfairly persecuting them to desist, lest you incur my wrath. I judge those whose sins are far more severe than this, but that does not mean that I will hesitate to destroy those who hold this taboo opinion.
"My second and more important message is this: I did not kill that woman. It is true that se died of a heart attack, which is why many of immediately cast the shadow of blame upon me, but, as the coroner's report officially states, it was a result of her own poor eating habits, not because of my intervention. Although it may appear as if it was my fault, I assure that it is nothing but unhappiest coincidence.
"Lest some remain unconvinced, let me now explain to you exactly why I am not at fault.
"To begin with, I, Kira, exist primarily to judge those who have gone against the laws of this world. Paris committed a crime, it is true, but in my eyes, it was a petty, minor crime. While it certainly could have led to the death or injury of others, the fact remains that it did not. I would have expected Ms. Hilton, after her time of imprisonment, to learn how consequential her actions could have been, and thus to refrain from driving while intoxicated again. I exist to destroy those who have evaded the law and have escaped the sometimes flawed legal system. I exist to punish those who have not been punished adequately, and I personally believe that her punishment would have been adequate. It is meant for those who lived long, full lives, and for those who have corrupted their souls entirely beyond redemption.
"Some of you have also claimed that I was annoyed by the ceaseless reporting on the victim's case. I was, I admit, a little annoyed that even in an independent, self-sufficient nation, which needs not pay attention to the matters of the United States and its entertainment industry, it is not only the most important but the only news story. This obviously posed a problem to my ideals, as I cannot focus on avenging innocents when the original crimes are not reported in the first place. However, I knew that they would eventually stop, and that even after her incarceration, she could only give a certain number of exclusive interviews before something more important and pertinent to me came up. My ideals cannot be achieved overnight, and I like to think that I have enough self-control and intelligence to know that her death would be even more highly publicized. I would never rashly call for her murder in exasperation. Although I disapprove of how the media handled this, I would never do something that incredibly… stupid."
L showed his displeasure at that last statement by clearing his throat and crossing his arms over his chest belligerently. Raito smiled the friendly smile of an innocent, non-Kira chum giving his buddy a hard time. "Ha, looks like Kira's mocking you. No wonder you think I'm Kira, he and I are on the same page a lot of the time, it would seem."
"Raito-kun, please remain quiet. If you agree that you are like Kira, you of all people should also agree that it is in your best interest to let me pay attention to the program, so that we can catch the true Kira, if you are not the true Kira, and clear your name. The only reason you might not want me to listen is if you are Kira, and even then, I would assume that you would put enough effort into your letter that you would want me to pay attention to whatever misleading messages you left for me. I doubt that you would think I would not hear it at all, missing a potential message to a contact or cohort of yours, unless you are just delaying the inevitable, having recently discovered an obvious error in your plan, or stalling for time while you are free to act without my knowledge. And if that is the case, you should know that I will be watching you very carefully for quite some time after this news report, especially considering that the percent chance that you are Kira has increased by 12 since the show began," L said, speaking softly so as not to miss a word.
Raito rolled his eyes. "And I thought that I was the one who tended to overthink things… I was just making some friendly conversation… Don't you like talking to me, Yagami Raito, number-one-Kira-suspect and your first ever friend?"
"Not right now."
"Well, that's not very nice."
"It's not very nice of you to keep interrupting me, either. Now, please stop before I am forced to take what you might call 'extreme measures.'"
Raito wasn't paying much attention, having just thought of something new to taunt L with. "Hey, you know, I just remembered… That whole 'rashly call for her murder' thing? It might sound like me, but you know, there were other people around too. So are you 100 percent positive that Matsuda isn't some kind of evil super-genius? Because he might be such a good actor that you didn't ever suspect him. Don't feel too bad, though, I never suspected him before now either. He had us all fooled, that Kira… but we'll get him now. Isn't that right, Ryuuzaki?" It might not be a good idea to keep goading L like that, but Raito didn't really care.
Actually, it turned out to be a horrible idea. "Raito-kun, I do not think that Matsuda is Kira, and more to the point, I told you not to interrupt me." L snapped his fingers, and, like a gangster movie, Aizawa and Mogi ran in from the other room. Mogi pulled Raito's hands behind his back and tied them up, while Aizawa restrained his feet. Then they placed a piece of duct tape over his mouth.
The news report was just wrapping up, and it certainly went out with a bang; the reporter screamed and clutched at her (rather well-endowed) chest before dying a slow, painful, and tragic death, all on live, national television, which quite hurt ratings. Raito dared to laugh joyfully at his complete and total victory (duct tape aside), which wasn't very daring since the sound was so muffled that no one could tell that he was laughing in triumph. L took the time to rewind and re-watch the parts he had missed before, as he had recently sprung for TiVo, which was pretty much the best invention of all time.
A few hours later, L's analysis was complete. He had correctly deduced that the news anchor, after receiving the letter from Raito… Kira, had memorized it and then burned the entire contents, leaving not a single trace that could be connected to Raito… or anyone for that matter. Raito had been untied, but he was having a very hard time getting the tape off. He was peeling it of extremely slowly, wincing every few seconds. He was a little more than half done when L noticed his dilemma. "Raito-kun, you know that if you just rip it off really quick, you'll get it over with and it'll only hurt for a second." So saying, L leaned over and tore it all the way off with a cheerful smile.
"BLOODY HELL!" Raito howled, clapping a hand to his injured face. "Why'd you do that? You practically tore my lips off, you bastard!" Now that he looked closely, the afore-mentioned "cheerful smile" was actually cheerfully sadistic, wasn't it? The pain wasn't going away, so Raito felt that he had the right to be angry, and as such decided to punch L in the gut. "That HURT, dammit!"
L's idea of "once-is-once" was to kick Raito in the face, right where he had ripped the tape off, which certainly added insult to injury, except for the part where it kind of just added injury to injury. Raito fell down, sprawling across the floor just in time for Matsuda to walk into the room and trip over him. Now, Matsuda is not a very heavy person. But he was carrying a huge briefcase full of paperweights, which Soichirou had asked him to bring in since their many papers were always flying around in the slight breeze of the air conditioning, and a cup of coffee, which L had told him to bring when Matsuda asked if there was anything useful that he could do. Matsuda flung his arms out to catch his fall, and so his elbows stabbed Raito in the stomach, driving all the air out of his lungs. Raito could only gasp for oxygen as the case slammed down into his crotch and the scalding liquid poured not just over the tender skin around his mouth, but over his entire face and neck. And as Matsuda apologized profusely and L watched curiously, Raito was unable to do anything more than scream.
After a few hours, his voice was gone, and so he decided to call it a day. He was still in pain, since he had sustained several burns, but it was already fading, his skin becoming numb. But he couldn't just take refuge in his room and cry himself to sleep, because L was very, very suspicious, and wouldn't let him go anywhere alone, not even the bathroom, for fear that he would put whatever devilish Kira-plot he was plotting into motion. Sadly, Raito didn't have a follow-up plan, seeing as how the first one was so perfect, and they were both made needlessly uncomfortable. But of course L had no way of knowing that, and the only way that Raito could explain it to him would be to admit that he was, in fact, Kira, which really wouldn't help anything since L would insist on watching him even more closely upon learning such a fact. Raito was therefore forced to fall asleep on his back with L sitting right next to him and staring unblinkingly into his eyes while every part of him ached. It wasn't easy, although he finally dropped off of sheer exhaustion around 2 am.
In the morning, L decided to break out the ol' handcuffs and attached himself to Raito again. Raito didn't particularly like this. "Why are you doing this again? Couldn't you just lock me up again?"
"Well, then you might just be able to fool the surveillance… likewiththepotatochipbagthatonetime…"
"Like what, now?"
"Oh, nothing! Let's just say that I don't trust you!" L beamed.
After a day of intense work following the new lead, Raito was sick of L and craving cookies. "Hey, uh, Ryuuzaki, do you think that we could go and see Misa? Knowing her, she'll probably think that you threw me into some dungeon somewhere, and she'll be worried… Plus she makes amazing cookies… so that should be reason enough for you of all people to want to go along with that."
"First off, I was about to suggest that myself, second, you didn't really need to give me a second reason, although now I'm expecting some pretty good cookies, and third and finally, we're going to have to take additional precautions."
"Huh? What? Why?"
"Well, so I don't die, of course," L said, donning a mysterious plastic mask, "because it seems to me that Misa might have regained the power of shinigami eyes, so if she saw my face, she'd be able to learn my name and kill me. Also, it might be kind of weird-looking if we walked around handcuffed together in public, so I'll just take these off…" L removed the chain links and pulled something else out. "Therefore, I will use this to keep you close by me at all times, so that you don't get away with anything."
Raito looked at the thing. It looked like some sort of monkey. "And… what exactly are you going to do with that
"Well, I'm going to put it on you." It was a monkey, and it was meant to wrap around Raito's neck. Not Raito, specifically, but a child between the ages of two and five. "It's a little leash, proven by parents everywhere to be effective in keeping the target contained. Plus, it's cute, so I'm sure Misa will approve."
While walking down the street towards Misa's apartment, Raito reflected that it was perhaps less conspicuous to walk next to L with the occasional metallic glint flashing off a wrist than to be led along by a masked man on a leash meant for unruly toddlers.
"Hey, Mommy, what are those strange men doing?" one of said unruly toddlers asked, laughing and pointing to the pair.
"Oh… my… N-nothing, Kentaro! Th-they're not doing anything…" The mother scooped up her son and rushed away, shooting one last scorching look at Raito.
Raito was highly ashamed and really not very happy with L at the moment. He vowed never again to be accused of being a criminal. Which might be hard, since he was kind of the worst killer in human history.
Soon enough, they escaped the searching gazes and outright stares of other pedestrians when they finally arrived at Misa's apartment. Or at least, they would have, if L hadn't been paranoid that Misa would somehow see his face and be able to learn his name and kill him. Raito pressed the buzzer with a sigh; her apartment was on the bottom floor, with only four or five steps separating them from the sidewalk, which meant that they would be getting absolutely no privacy. "Hey, Misa, it's me. Come on out and bring some cookies with you if you have any, okay?" Soon enough, Misa appeared, carrying a tray.
"Wow, Raito, two visits in less than two weeks! I'm glad you came… but why is he here? And what are you wearing?"
Raito took a cookie absently. "Ask him."
L took a cookie as well. "Well, as you know, your boyfriend is Kira –excuse me, accused of being Kira by me– so in the interest of bringing him to justice, I have taken it upon myself to watch him at all times," he explained. He then skillfully evaded the second question by complimenting her baking ability. "And before you say anything else, may I just say that these are fantastic? They are quite tasty, and they have a delicious crumbly texture, the likes of which I've never seen before. You'll have to give me your recipe!"
"Well, I purposefully did that by adding some extra flour, because when I was at Raito's house once, his mom made cookies that were quite like these ones, and mothers always know best…" Their conversation went on and on, and Raito became quite bored. He was convinced that he was going to get fat if he just kept eating cookies, but there really wasn't anything else for him to do. He didn't really want to join the conversation, and although he toyed vaguely with the idea of throwing himself down the stairs, he decided against it on the grounds that it would probably really hurt, although he took some solace in the knowledge that L's grip was so tenacious that he'd probably drag L down with him.
"Well, I suppose we should be getting home, we have to work in the morning, after all," L concluded.
"Okay, bye, Raito-kun!" Everything happened very fast then. Raito took a final cookie; Misa rushed at him to give him a farewell kiss, and while desperately trying to avoid her, his crumbly cookie, well, crumbled. He lunged for the falling piece while stepping backwards in an attempt to protect his sore and much-abused face. He caught the cookie, straightened up, overbalanced, and inadvertently took another step backwards. As he arced through the air towards oncoming headlights, he could only reflect on how ironic it was that he was falling off the stairs because of L, not pulling him along in desperation, and how he, Kira, was going to die as a result of circumstances regarding a murder he did not commit, for once. Misa screamed, there was a sickening crunch, and everything went black.
---
Raito woke to bright white light and the face of a heavenly angel. Then he realized that it was L, still wearing his stupid mask, and decided that he was either in hell or in a hospital of sorts. Since neither heaven nor hell existed, after all, he was able to rule out those possibilities to learn the truth. Upon this realization, the strange numbness that he felt disappeared, replaced by a tingling sensation that flared into an outright, burning pain along each of his joints. He groaned involuntarily; Misa and L started slightly and looked down at him worriedly, although it was hard to tell what expression L actually had because of the mask.
Whatever anxiety he was lacking was made up for by Misa, who immediately began alternately babbling questions about Raito's condition and raucously blaming everyone except Raito for the accident, with special emphasis on L and his ancestors. Raito could not muster the courage and energy he needed to sit up and shut her up, and the small movement that he gingerly attempted led to a searing flash that made his head throb painfully. He looked into L's eyes pleadingly, wishing –no, begging– that he would help him.
Apparently, L thought that he had tortured Raito enough, because he pressed a button on a remote control on the table next to him, and a rather burly nurse appeared and dragged Misa away. L came to sit down on a chair in front of Raito's bed, and pressed another button, this one gently lifting Raito into a seated position.
"So… Raito. I believe you'd like to know the extent of the damage that the car did to you. Fortunately, the driver was a very slow old woman, and she was only going about 15 miles an hour when you ran into her. However, you were pushed into a different, parked car, which accounts for most of your injuries. Three of your ribs are cracked, your wrist has been dislocated, and you have a pretty bad concussion. You'll be staying here overnight for observation." L paused. "Oh… and… I don't think that you killed Paris Hilton. Don't misunderstand. I know you sent that letter, and who better to send a legitimate message from Kira than Kira himself? But… I believe you, this time at least. However, you should know that I'm still a bit angry at you."
"W-why?" Raito managed to croak.
"Well, because you took the last cookie, of course! But this is no time to be joking. You need your rest…"
Raito inexplicably thought of how L had mentioned their childish natures and felt a strange chill of foreboding. "And so, good night, Raito-kun." L pressed one final button. This button did not recline Raito into a comfortable horizontal position. This button released a spring which folded the bed in half, making a sort of whimpering Raito-sandwich.
"Oh, looks like I pushed the wrong one. Oh well, I'm sure someone will be by to help you in the morning…"
And then the door closed.
Xiana: Oh, I'm so mean to Raito, but you know it's only because I love him, right? Well... I love torturing him at least... heh.Well, what did you think of it? I'm sorry that I haven't updated recently, and I know that this is a lame excuse, but school's been a bitch. No, really. I didn't get anything written for, like, 3 weeks! And did you like how I filled in the plothole from the last story (Misa has shinigami eyes, therefore she can see L's name at the Christmas party) with something a little... different?
And now it is time for omake. Wheee!
He took the pen carefully in his hand. He touched the thin sheets of paper he had stolen with his other hand, reveling in the glorious feeling of power that came with the feel of the smooth surface against a finger.
So this was what it felt like to be Kira, was it? Well, he could understand why Kira felt he had such control over everything. With this pen and this paper, he could kill.
And he had.
But one death hadn't been enough. It is never enough. Once you have reached the breaking point, once you have broken the rules once, it is so easy to break again. And he knew that it hadn't been enough to kill Paris. The world was a better place without her. But she wasn't the only one who corrupted it.
"Yes… I think I know who my next victim should be…" He had researched it carefully. He wanted to destroy the worst offenders before even considering the lower levels of filth, the criminal scum that Kira was so focused on.
He uncapped the pen and slowly wrote 12 letters. Lindsay Lohan. Forty seconds passed, and the deed was done. Another worthless blot on society was gone. Victory would soon be his. Soon he could work with Kira. The world would be a more enlightened place for their combined efforts.
He could not help but laugh. His plan was too perfect. No one would ever suspect him, and he could never be caught. There was no evidence.
I will be victorious. The world is a better place because I exist in it, because I bring justice to those who cannot understand it. I am powerful, I am great, I will be the god of the new world, and Kira, yes, even Kira, will stand by my side, though he will never achieve the greatness that I will. Only I can do this. Only I will do this.
"Don't you have something more important to be doing?"
"…Huh?"
"Well, if you have time to sit around and laugh, you have time to go get me a cup of coffee."
"Oh… Oh… Of course… Right away…" That's right, Raito, order me around while you still have the chance. If you do not join my side, I will kill you as well…
"And quit laughing, while you're at it. Honestly, you're such an airhead, Matsuda!"
Next: Hereditary
