The Price For Being
Losing My Mind
By xYuki and Kimusume and Toumasan
As of today, Touma-san, shall be a new beta for moi, the wonderfully sadistic xYuki. ;) I would like you to all welcome him to my crew.
Touma: Hi? sighs I can't believe I'm being forced to write this. But…I got to read this before any of you! rubs in face Okay, I'm sorry…Well I hope you enjoyed Setsuna being emo as much as I did.
Yuki & Mei: We didn't force you. You agreed. And writing in the A/n is a must for all beta's workin for us. xD
Stage 2
The Pool Of Fate Brimming In Blood
It has been yet another month since our last disastrous interaction. Many things have changed since then. You and Asuna started to fall apart, no longer was she the best friend you can turn to when ever you needed someone. She was more interested in following her own love interest, so she left you behind with a kind word to two every now and then. I find myself laughing cynically at this, she was the one that supported you when you broke my heart, but now she leaves you alone most of the time. I spoke with her for a little bit and asked why she left you behind. Her answer, left me laughing for an eternity. I still laugh to this day.
"She, well... she's become obsessed with him, paranoid he'd leave her. I couldn't take it anymore so I booked it." she said with a small tremble in her voice. "I wish, she never left you in the first place, she seemed happier... I'm sorry."
Lately I've noticed that you've lost a little weight, and your eyes look tired all the time. You don't look so happy anymore, did your boyfriend leave you for another woman? Another man perhaps? You've stopped smiling when you speak of him to your friends. Well, that's okay. I don't care anymore, and neither does Asuna... at least just a little bit. That's right, we don't care anymore. More importantly, I don't care anymore. I've some what moved on, but I can still say I love you, but my hatred... my hatred shall consume that soon enough.
"Sakurazaki, wake up. Hey, Bird Shit, I said wake up!" an haughty voice bellows. I lift my head up from my desk and open my eyes, I shut them quickly to avoid the light of the classroom. "About time you woke up. I finished my test, let's book it."
"What about, Hasegawa-san?" I mumbled tiredly. I place my head back on my desk and prayed that the lights would blow out when I reopen my eyes. A small hand bopped my head hard, causing me to kiss the table in a very unpleasant way. I shot up and glared at the small girl before me, an ever proud smirk on her face.
"You finally woke up? Good, let's go, Chisame's waiting outside the room." Evangeline grinned. I sighed and picked up my bag and followed behind the blonde with a nasty attitude.
My heightened hearing perk up as people began to whisper behind our backs. You frowned, your eyes half closed, half amused by their whispers. You snapped your fingers and I quickly reply with a feral growl to shut them up. You chuckled at me as you pat me on the back ushering me to move forward. I just wished I really could.
Evangeline and I walked side by side silently until a familiar redhead came into view. We waved a quick hello and continued on.
"You and Asuna going on another date today?" you ask her.
"Yea, I don't know why I agreed." Chisame huffed. "She's rude, annoying, brash, and just stupid..."
"But you like her?" I ask quietly. Chisame fidgeted under my gaze and gave an unsure shrug. "What ever."
"Shut up." she growled. I smirked and continued to walk with my... friends?
Lounging around in my room, I watched the clock tick by slowly. With a frown I turn to my side and allowed my hand to fall to the carpet. Sighing heavily, I tried to think of something to do, and when nothing came to mind I rolled off the couch and laid on the floor.
"Fuck..." I curse quietly.
Ever since our last encounter, I've begun to hang around Evangeline and Chisame. Not the best people to be around, but they're just like me. Broken. Birds trapped in a cage with broken and battered wings wishing to fly once more.
Evangeline, stuck as a 10 year old for the rest of eternity, trapped in the academy by her former love. She suffers like me. Trapped with no where to go, no where to turn, and no one to help. Maybe in some crazy alternate universe we could have been lovers, but that's there and this is here. She is my friend, and I refuse to fall in love with another friend... not anymore. No, but it is rather platonic.
Chisame, the cynical net idol with the hacking powers of a true genius. She is just like Evangeline and I. Trapped in a cage shut away from the light. Her wings broken and battered, her voice hoarse with the constant cries of freedom. My feelings towards her are platonic as well, but maybe a little less then Evangeline, plus she had Asuna now, even though she denies it... I can see it in her eyes, the same lost puppy look I had when I wasn't with you.
Can I love another? Maybe, I don't know. The demon heart that resides in me tells me that I can love again, but... but...
"Shit..." I growl angrily. "What the fuck is wrong with me!?" I scream as loud as I can. I brought the back of my hand over my eyes, hiding the tears that I fought back. "What's wrong with me?" I sobbed quietly. "What's wrong with me?" I ask myself again in a raspy whisper.
That was when I realized it. I wasn't mad at her, I was mad at myself. I was mad at myself to not seeing the signs that she wasn't happy. I was selfish for not noticing it, I was stupid to look passed it, and I was angry that I let it happen.
I stood up angrily, scratching my head, screaming in agony. No one can hear my screams, for no one lived near me. I was alone in a little corner of the school dorms, far away from everyone else. I was alone in pain, angry at myself... and no one was around to condole me.
Gripping myself tightly in a pseudo embrace, I cried out once more, this time my cry was more beastly, demonic per say. In a fit of rage I threw my fist at the wall, breaking through the dry wall I pulled my fist out and grimaced at the place that seeped through. My wall was busted and so was my hand.
"Crap..."
I had let my anger get the best of me for once, and look at where it landed me. Though oddly enough I felt better. The sight of my blood dripping onto the floor calmed me down, so I did it again, and again. Eventually my wall was broken and smeared with my blood, my hands and arms cut in different places, the blood flowed freely now.
Sighing in content, I sat down in the growing pool of my blood. I laugh sickeningly as dizziness took over my body slowly. I was losing blood fast, but what did it matter? I was angry. I was angry at the world. I was angry at the woman who broke my heart. I was angry at my self most of all for even breathing. I was also angry that the wall would need to be repaired sooner or later. I was angry that I've stained the carpets with blood. I was angry for the stupid thing I did in my fit of rage, but... I felt better.
Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath, I felt a small smile creep onto my face. This smile was something I haven't felt in a while, her face flashed in my mind like a slow moving movie. She was twirling around with that bright smile she smiled for me, she called out my name and ran over to me. My small smile shrunk back as my bottom lip began to tremble. My eyebrows furrowed as the sweet memory turned sour. Her soft voice became cold and distant, her bright eyes not staring at me any longer. The hand on my cheek felt cold, empty, hallow... I felt no love in that touch any longer.
The floor beneath me was cold and damp. Lazily I begin to wonder how much of my blood I've lost already. The cuts where shallow, but they where many. Power in numbers, but what can my blood cells do about it? They where small, and these cuts where large, shallow but large...
"This is bullshit." I groan.
Standing up slowly, I wobble a bit from the dizziness. I began to regain my bearings, but that's when the pain struck, and I was angry again. The calmly effect of the blood seeping out had faded, and I was left in a destroyed home with blood smeared everywhere. I wanted to escape, I wanted to die... and I was angry that I couldn't die.
The music will not help me any longer, I was to far deep within my own hatred to be able to hear it.
I hate this...
