Lily sat on her bed, a notebook in hand as she examined me like a scientist. "State your name, your age, and how long you've been able to do what you did."

"My name is Diana." I lied. "Diana Nyx. I'm 22 years old. I've been able to do this for about a year and a half, max. I don't have complete control over it, though."

"What caused it?"

"I got a shot of angelic grace to my system." Technically 100% true.

"How?"

"I couldn't let him die." I said. "It's all… a very, very long story." Lily thought for a second, understanding coloring her face as she moved on to the next question.

"How long would you say I had until these supposed people that are hunting me show up?"

"Probably not long." I shrugged. "I didn't see them leave the scene, but they're not stupid. They've got resources."

"You didn't track them?"

"No."

"What do they look like?"

"There's an angel, one you've been trying to track down. Castiel." I said. "I think you know who he is."

"I do."

"And there are two others, Hunters. Tall. Wear flannel. Human."

"I'm certain that I've met them, then." She answered. I stared at her I surprise, and she just showed me her hand one more time before getting up to wash it. "They're very determined to keep this angel alive."

"I… I want him to live too." I answered. "It's his grace inside of me. That's how I heard you. That's how I heard Benjamin."

She turned off the tap, returning to her notes a minute later. "You have angelic grace inside of you that belongs to Castiel and… I'm gonna guess you're not a Nephilim, are you?"

"No." She scoffed, jotting down something.

"Of course not. Why else would you be alive?" She muttered. "When did you get some source of control of utilizing the borrowed grace?"

"I've had multiple near-death experiences that let me tap in to it." I answered. "And I can feel it intermix with my witchcraft sometimes."

"You're a witch?" She asked. I nodded. "And you have angelic grace inside of you?" Another nod. "And you're still alive?"

"Should I… not be?"

"That's a good question." She replied. "You're unique. You're different. You weren't born to any of this, yet it's a part of you." She thought for just a moment. "Which came first? Witchcraft or grace?"

"Witchcraft." I muttered. "Not a lot though. Just… Just trying to keep people alive and do some minor tracking."

"Witchcraft is witchcraft." She said. "What kind are you? Borrower, Natural, or Trainee?" I remembered Rowena teaching me about that and the three main types of witches. Lily had done her homework.

"Natural."

"How?"

"My mother."

"Did she train you?"

"No. She… She passed."

"Then how do you know?"

"Extremely longer story."

"You're unusual, aren't you?"

"Can I ask a few questions now?" I tried. "I want to know how you're using angel magic." She jotted down a few more notes before stopping and taking a deep breath.

"You said you were saving him, I presume you meant Castiel?" She asked. I nodded. "Were you in love with him?"

"Yeah." I felt a lump in my throat as I said the word.

"Are you still?" That one made the lump only grow bigger.

"Yes." I admitted quietly. "He doesn't know I'm here though. He doesn't even know I'm still alive."

"It's not easy to love an angel, is it?" She sounded almost… wistful, for a moment. "They're just so… divine and different and pure and you think that they're the brightest sun in the world. But then, then they become monsters. They become obsessive and cruel and just… You start to see demons in angels."

That was when Lily explained her story. How old she was. How she'd spent her life studying angels. How she'd applied her studies to being able to actually wield angelic power. How angels had come for her and her daughter and how they'd killed her.

And how Castiel had been one of them, too; one of the ones sent to kill Lily's daughter and another angel that was protecting them, Akobel. He hadn't killed, but he had been there to make sure it happened.

"There's no way he knew." I defended. "He wouldn't… He wouldn't kill an innocent person, he wouldn't do that."

"He's an angel." Lily replied. "They only follow orders. If they're told to kill, they will kill. It doesn't matter what is right or wrong."

"But Castiel…" I stopped, remembering what I'd seen. It didn't matter what was right or wrong. He'd killed Billie to save the Winchesters.

"It hurts to love one, doesn't it?" She asked.

I didn't answer, just thought for a moment. "So your soul…" I finally said. "It's burning away? Every time you use angel magic?"

"Yeah. That's why I'm not going to teach you how to use it." She said. "I used to dream about my little girl, May, in the beginning. I could see her face smiling every night. Now..." She shook her head. "I don't dream anymore. I don't need to sleep very much either. My humanity, it leaves with each piece of my soul." I could feel the weight of her words on my shoulders, as though I was Atlas. When was the last time I'd had any sort of dream or nightmare? When was the last time I'd slept well? What if it was happening to me too?

"Is there any way to get your soul back?" She shook her head again.

"Not that I know of."

"Will my soul..." I almost didn't finish the question. I was afraid to ask. "Will mine break away too?"

"I don't really know." She answered. "Like I said, you're different and unique. You have a strange set of variables attached to you." She thought for a second. "You would have to wait and find out. Do you feel as though your soul is being removed in small increments?"

"I wouldn't know."

"Would you like me to check?"

"You can do that?"

"Yes."

"But… wouldn't it also take out another piece of your soul?"

"Yes."

"Then… Then no." I said. "I'll find another way."

"And what about utilizing your angelic grace?"

"I don't know how to use them much anyways." I said. "It's kind of just a thing that's there. It's incorporated a bit in to what I do in general, but for me to solely use it intentionally I've either got to focus extremely hard, or be under extreme duress." I re-thought for a second. "Yeah, those are the only times it was pure grace. The other times I kind of used it the angelic grace was more or less intermixed in with the witchcraft."

"What kind of duress?"

"Life-or-death, every time." I remembered how each one went when it was directly angelic power. I was about to die, or Castiel was. "Save for when I opened your door."

"And what did you do with the intentional use, when it was extreme duress?"

"Force push, pretty much." I said. "Trying to get people off or away."

"Alright." She wrote down a few more things. "So what do you want to do now?"

"Huh?"

"You came here for training, and answers." She said. "And now at this point you won't be getting training, but instead have acquired answers, even though they may not have been the ones you wanted. So with what you've learned, what do you intend on doing now?"

"I guess… Going back to learning more witchcraft." I said. "Figuring out a way to see whether or not this is killing my soul along the way."

"What about the angel you are attached to?"

"If you kill him, would that affect me, since I have his grace?"

"No." She shook her head. "Any physical harm on him or his life would have no affect on you, without other spellwork in place. However, if I try to track him, then I would also get a weak lead to you." I wished I had a notebook to jot notes in as well. "It's only a tie that you have to his grace, but it is a faint tie. Unless someone is outright attacking the entirety of his grace with a spell, you're fine. Any physical damage, though, does nothing."

It made a bit of sense, but it would probably take some working through to understand. The best I could figure was that it was almost like an organ donor thing. "Alright." I said. "I guess I'll be going now."

"If you begin to experience complications in the future, please find me." She requested, tearing a page out of her notebook. Written on it was a phone number. "I'd like to be able to help you, if I can. I see a lot of myself in you, when I was younger."

"OK." I took it, and stared for a moment at the page. I didn't leave the room though. Not yet.

"Is there something still bothering you?"

"Don't kill him." I didn't even hesitate. I couldn't help it. "Please. Don't kill Castiel."

"He was one of the angels that lead to the death of my daughter." She said. "He was one of the angels responsible."

"Please, don't." I begged. "He's changed. He's better. He's not the monster you think he is."

"If he wasn't a monster," she posed. "Then why are you here instead of there, with the angel you were in love with? Why did your voice falter when you attempted to defend him the first time?" I didn't have a good answer. She nodded, understanding. "I believe you think that he is changed, but at the same time I don't believe he is as changed as you would like him to be. This will be something that I shall have to see for myself."

"And if he is?" I needed to know. I needed there to be some sort of hope.

"If I'm wrong, and he is as good as you claim he is," she said. "Then I'll leave him be."

"Thank you, then." I could feel the relief in my words. She would see he wasn't bad, or at least not as bad as she thought he was. "For everything."

"I hope you find what you're looking for." She smiled a little bittersweet smile with it. "We are very alike, you and I. I hope you are able to find a better path than I was." I nodded, and walked out.

I went back to the cabin, letting it all rattle around in my head until I just… couldn't, anymore. I didn't know what to do with that information. I had to leave, had to separate myself from the Winchesters and Castiel and everything until I knew how to deal with this, how to acknowledge that I may be destroying my own soul.

I went to Arkansas the next day. Rowena had told me about a sanctuary for witches that had once been there, near Eureka Springs. She hadn't been necessarily HAPPY to tell me this information, but I'd been very persistent on pretending to want to know her backstory and where other witches may be found. But as far as Rowena knew, they were all dead. They had been dead for a long time. There were rumors about their grimoire getting away, but nothing concrete.

I didn't have any other leads, and I wanted to check it out. I didn't know where else to go. Besides, other witches may still go to the place as well, and it was something. And if there were other witches, they could teach me how to separate my magic from the angel grace, hopefully. They may even be able to determine how much of my soul was left. It was an option, it was a part of my assignment, and I was going to dive head-first in it.

I knocked on the front door of their door, determination on my face. A woman answered, giving me a short once-over. "Who do you think you are?" She asked, smirking.

"Powerful." I answered, casting out a hand. She flew backwards, slamming hard in to the wall.

"Did you come here for a fight?" She asked, prepping her own retaliation. I shook my head.

"I came here to train." I answered. "You have power. I want to learn it."

"What makes you think I'll tell you anything?" She asked. I stopped for a moment, thinking about my surroundings. There were two people trying to sneak up behind me.

"Karma," I said calmly. "Speak."

She had been behind my motorcycle, but now she was growling at the two men behind me. They stopped their advances immediately, looking around. She let out a short bark, startling the woman in front of me even.

"Train me." I requested again. I wasn't pleading, nor was I demanding. It was a simple request, almost as though I was asking her to pass me the salt. "Please. I promise I'm worth it."

"You have a hellhound." The woman in front of me said.

"She's a good dog." I answered. The woman looked me over, before nodding at the two men behind me.

"I'm Kat." She extended a hand. "The two behind you are my brothers, Boyd and Gideon."

"Diana Nyx." I shook her hand, offering her a short smile. "Let's talk."