Chapter Twelve

Bella

I realized I would have to tell my parents something, but not about Luke. I didn't want all the questions I knew would come and pop would use him as an excuse to keep me at home, he didn't like me becoming involved with boys. Besides, it was nice to have something secret all to myself so, I lied to them just like they lied to me.

First, I told them I'd been busy doing research in the school library for a history assignment and then got talking to my friends and forgot the time to explain why I was so late getting home and then that some of us were going to an early screening at the cinema the next day so I was staying after school and going straight from Ashley's place.

My mom seemed fine with that and said she would expect me home about nine o'clock,

"That'll give you time to get a burger after the movie and here.."

She gave me ten dollars.

"I know you're a little short right now and I'm glad you're getting back to normal."

Normal? If only you could read my mind.

"You are OK now, aren't you, Bella?"

I nodded noncommittally. There was no way I was getting into any deep discussions with her.

"Sure. Anyway, I have to go and get my homework done."

"Do you want to eat with us later? Or would you like something to take up with you?"

"It's OK mom, I'll make myself some pancakes later."

She smiled and waited for the kiss on the cheek that would show her I was over whatever had been troubling me but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Instead, I just nodded and ran upstairs to my room. I guess I should have felt guilty at lying to her, but I felt nothing at all. Anyway, I needed to call Ash to make sure she would cover for me tomorrow, but I'd wait until later when mom and pop went for their evening walk. Somehow they always seemed to know everything I said to my friends like they had a hidden microphone in my room or ESP or something, although I knew they would never really snoop on me. It was just weird!

Luckily, when I spoke to Ash I found that Timothy had invited her to the picnic as well, so she was happy to lie to my mom if she called to check on me.

"What about your mom? Did you tell her about Timothy?"

"Are you crazy, Bella? She'd probably want to come with me and flirt with his dad. Anyway, she's working late the next few days to get some extra money and I think she has a new boyfriend, she said she might not be home until Friday. Maybe he works at the bar all week and goes home to his wife at weekends."

I opened my mouth to protest at her bitter accusation, but then stopped myself. The way Ashley's mom acted she might well be right. Why did women allow themselves to be used by scumbags like Cooper and her mom's new guy? Why couldn't all guys be more like Luke?

I could hardly sleep thinking about tomorrow, I'd be seeing him again, he'd hold my hand and treat me like a lady.

As I put my school bag and coat in my closet, I saw the torn pieces of that photograph in a heap at the back. I had ripped Jasper to pieces just like he'd ripped apart my heart and I'd left his friendship with mom and pop in ruins, but somehow I couldn't bring myself to burn it or throw it in the trash like all the others. Maybe I just wanted a reminder of all the scumbags so I would appreciate any good ones that came along.

I dropped my bag on top of the pieces hiding them from view and shut the closet door.

"So long, asshole."

I smiled at my whispered words, although deep inside me, I guess I did feel a twinge of guilt. Sure, he had been cruel and hurtful to me, but I had started it. Still, it served him right, the guy was a rude and hurtful bastard and I hoped he never found himself a girlfriend or if he did she treated him the way he'd treated me. No wonder he was still single!

When I did fall asleep I dreamed of when I was a little girl, of the loud arguments and cussing I'd heard from time to time, the nights I heard my mom sobbing and the time she wore a cast on her wrist, had she really slipped and fallen or had her boyfriend of the moment hurt her? Just like Ashley's mom had been abused by hers?

Guys seemed to enjoy hurting us girls no matter how young or old we were. I promised myself if any guy ever hurt me again. I'd walk away, I'd never become a victim, it wouldn't take a wall to fall on me to know it hurt, oh no.

The next morning I took two bags with me, my school bag and a change of clothes for the movies. Pop asked what we were going to see and I almost blew it, I didn't even know what was showing, before saying it depended.

"There are a few of us going so we decided to choose the movie when we got to the cinema."

"No R rated movies, Bella."

"Pop, it's an early screening, it won't be."

He nodded and then gave me a hug, which made me tense up. Something he noticed immediately and broke off, stepping back to regard me soberly.

"I know I drive you crazy, but that's only because I love my little girl."

Once upon a time, I would have believed that but not now and I barely hugged him back, forcing out the words I knew he wanted to hear just for the sake of peace and quiet.

"I know pop, but your little girl's growing up and I can handle a horror movie these days."

He snorted and asked me to give him a ride to town to pick up his truck, which was in the shop, again. Somehow he got through transmissions like I got through sodas!

"I've got some carvings to drop off at the store in town and then I can walk to the garage."

He wanted to talk, to ask me what was going on these days, if I was OK, what was troubling me, but I turned on the radio and concentrated on the road ahead merely grunting replies to his questions until he finally gave up.

The day seemed so long and I found it difficult to concentrate, so much so that I got into trouble during Geography, I'd been daydreaming instead of listening and didn't know the answer to a question Mr Holmes asked. Hell, I hadn't even heard the question!

Then later I avoided a detention for failing a History pop quiz only because I was usually such a good student, but I knew a note would be winging its way to my parents asking if there was a problem at home. Ashley's mom was always getting them, but mine had never…. Until recently that was and they still upset them.

"It's really not such a big deal, Bella. Everyone zones out once in a while and your parents are hardly going to have a fit. Hell, you're a grade A student most of the time."

Jasper

It was good to see Em and Rose again and hear the family news, it sounded like Alice was still in trouble for the way she'd treated me, at least with Esme and these two. Personally, I didn't give a damn, I was better off without her. It was good to do what I wanted when I wanted, to take charge of my life again and be beholden to no one but there was also the thorny problem of the Whitlocks and Bella.

The first couple of days we concentrated on the rafting, finding the most dangerous and difficult areas of the river to try out our skills, but I guess I wasn't as good at hiding my problems as I thought.

When we camped up on the third evening and Em went off to collect some wood for a campfire Rosalie came to sit beside me looking like a concerned sister.

"What's wrong, Jazz? There's something on your mind, something that's bothering you? Do you want to talk about it?"

I sighed, staring at the swift-moving river rather than at her as I tried to decide whether to speak or not.

"It's up to you, I won't pressure you if you'd rather keep it to yourself, but I hate to see you unhappy and you are, however much you try to hide it."

I laughed a little bitterly.

"I can't hide anything from you, can I, Rose? I don't really know where to begin. It's such a fucking mess."

She didn't say anything, just sat there beside me, one hand on my shoulder, and slowly I began to explain, or tried to anyhow.

When I finally fell silent I wasn't sure what response to expect, would she understand? Or would her reaction be hostile like Peter's?

She removed her hand and I stiffened, here it comes…

Then she took my hand in hers and squeezed it.

"Peter's a fool. He's known you longer than anyone, how could he possibly believe you capable of such a thing? I'm sorry, that must have been a bitter pill to swallow. Are you sure, Jazz?"

I nodded slowly, "Yeah, I'm sure."

"Well then, I guess the only thing you can do is to bide your time. She's sixteen you say? That means waiting at least another two years, There's nothing Peter or Charlotte can do then, she'll be an adult and capable of making her own decisions. She must be feeling so confused right now. Even as a human she has to be influenced by the pull."

"Yeah, and she now hates me. I should have dealt with the whole thing more carefully. Instead, I just said the first thing I could think of to push her away. How is she going to get beyond that Rose?"

"She's your mate, she'll get over it, although she might make you pay in the future sometime. Why don't you come with us to Europe? We'd love to have your company and do you really want to go back to college already?"

That made me laugh, her expression of horror.

"I guess not and I would like to if you're sure it's OK with you and Em?"

"It's more than OK, we've missed you and we're going to have some fun. Right?"

The way she said it was a warning, you will enjoy yourself or else. What else could I do but agree? It would keep me occupied for a while and give Bella time to grow up.

Emmett seemed genuinely delighted when we told him I would be accompanying them to Europe and that made me feel a whole lot better, I liked Rose and Em, they were honest and straightforward, there was no posturing or double talk with these two.

It was still difficult to cut my ties with Nebraska and Bella even though I understood it was necessary. I toyed with the idea of writing to Peter and Charlotte but I doubted it would do any good. Peter had been so angry with me and I, in turn, had been so shocked at his attitude towards me. I did wonder what Charlotte thought, she must have seen there was a bond between Bella and me. Her gift was never wrong, but had she refused to understand or decide to keep it a secret until Bella was older? One of the major problems was that they had become parents and therefore saw Bella differently, she was their responsibility, their precious child and they would do whatever it took to keep her safe and happy. I guess the idea of their little girl involved with a creature like me, after all they had witnessed what I was capable of, was abhorrent to them. If only they understood my true feelings towards Bella.

We all drove back to Cheyenne together and I quit work and went to my apartment to collect my stuff and we flew from Cheyenne to Denver and on to Budapest. Apparently, it was somewhere Em had always wanted to visit and I was happy to go with the flow, although once in the air over the ocean I could feel I was leaving something very precious behind and I wondered how long to would be before the pull became too great to fight any longer. A couple of years maybe… if I was lucky.

I think Rose understood how hard this was for me because she gripped my hand and squeezed it at one point smiling at my expression and winked. I don't know how much she had told Em, possibly everything but if so he was being the sole of discretion. Not once did he mention the Whitlocks even though he must have known through Alice that they had disappeared without a word. Maybe that's why he had gotten in touch with me, to offer some moral support. Whatever the reason I was grateful and would do my best not to ruin their trip for them.

Em had his list ready of places he wanted to see in Budapest, including the Pálvölgy Cave, the Hungarian Electrical Engineering Museum mainly for Rose I think, Shoes on the Danube, Budapest Pinball Museum, and the House of Terror. Some of these I'd never even heard of and knew it would be both informative and enjoyable which was going to help me stay sane. I knew he had similar lists for other cities he planned on us visiting and this was even better than going back to college.

All the above places actually exist, please feel free to look them up, they are fascinating. Jules xx