The next week went by like a blur for Haku, though maybe it was because she was in a daze. She began getting up early just to avoid the two beautiful girls her bedroom shared a hallway with. She didn't think she could stand to confront them in her current state so she thought the best way was to always be somewhere else. She'd pass them on their way into the bathroom while she was on her way out, having gotten up early enough to rush her bath without them. She hated not being able to take her time but it was the price she had to pay. They would try to stop her wanting to talk, but she would mutter an apology saying she had somewhere to be and duck her head and hurry off. They would try to corner her at lunch time but she would say she wasn't hungry and had work to do, then she'd have to sneak out of the compound to the corner store later for a snack. They would come knocking at her door at dinner time, but she had it locked and wound tell them her training that day had been especially tiring and she wanted to go to bed early.
The training being hard was true at least. Working at her practices was the only way she had found to truly distract herself from her misery. She spent her mornings with Hibiki Mokoto working hard at her dancing lessons. The first day she had walked to the nearby strip mall Luka had first taken her to and bought a new set of workout clothes. She didn't need the change of outfit really but it had provided an excuse to be out that afternoon. It was a simple white sports top with built in support and a pair of stretch shorts with some tennis shoes. She spent hours each morning until lunch time in the dance studio, and if Hibiki-sensei was busy she would practice in a corner by herself. On the third day they were engrossed in a lesson and her mind kept wandering. She couldn't focus, thinking about Luka and Miku, her heart feeling like it was tearing in half. The heartache was unbearable at times so incredible was the pain and she couldn't focus, like a yawning black abyss of misery was going to swallow her up at any moment.
"Yowane-san!" Mokoto said with a snap.
"Ha?" She jumped with a start.
Mokoto sighed and then sat cross legged on the spongy floor mats. "You've been distracted for days, but this is as bad as I've seen you. Sit, talk with me."
She sat hesitantly not sure how much she should say, but Mokoto was direct and to the point. "Did something happen with Megurine-san? Or perhaps Hatsune-san?"
Haku's jaw dropped open. "How did you-"
Mokoto waved the question off, the graceful indefinable tenor voice holding a hint of amusement but mostly seriousness. "I have had my share of experience in such things, Yowane-san. I can tell."
Haku's face fell. "Is it so obvious?"
Mokoto laughed softly. "To me it is."
"What I can't understand…" Haku began slowly at her instructor's urging, then paused. If Hibiki-sensei already knew somehow then it couldn't hurt to get some advice, so she went on. "Is why I feel like I've lost two… interests… instead of just one…" She winced at herself and shook her head. "Isn't that… I don't know, dirty somehow?"
"Oh my no, I hope not!" Mokoto laughed. "Or else someone is going to have to explain things to my significant others!" It was said as a joke but Haku's jaw dropped.
"You have multiple… Partners?!" She couldn't help sounding incredulous but Mokoto just grinned.
"Yowane-san, have you ever heard the saying 'The heart wants what it wants?'" She shook her head. "Oh. How about 'Love conquerors all?'"
Haku narrowed her red eyes. "Maybe in movies…" she ventured.
"There's a reason for that, why so many romance movies focus on such themes. Some may think it dirty, but others don't. What is okay or normal for some isn't necessarily the same for others." Haku blinked as Mokoto unknowingly repeated something Miku had said. "Love is a delicate and tricky thing, and each time it appears for someone it's like a snowflake; special and unique and different than any other. If you try to catch it too strenuously, it melts away, but if you do nothing, it drifts on by to land somewhere else."
"Then what do I do?" Haku asked, more curious now than anything.
Mokoto grinned again. "We are Vocaloid's, Yowane-san, creatures of instinct and emotion. Listen to your feelings; they more than anything else will guide you."
"You think my heart will tell me what I want?" She couldn't help but feel a little put out. She was hoping for something more concrete than that.
"I think…" Mokoto said slowly, "That it already has. You just need to listen to it." They stared at each other for a long moment before Mokoto sighed, stretched, and stood. "In the meantime, emotional release is best. You have been training extremely well and I'm impressed at your progress so far. Let's start at the top, and put your feelings into it. That's what we do. Good or bad, let the emotion flow."
She had to avoid Luka avid Miku for singing practice as well. They both wanted to talk to her for sure, but they both also genuinely wanted to help her training as a Vocaloid, of that much there could be no doubts. She was grateful but she put them off there as well. Some days she was able to seek out Gumi and Teto and the three of them practiced together as they had done many times before now, all three benefiting from the harmonization. Other days they couldn't be found for some odd reason, but she met another Vocaloid the afternoon of the second day that week while looking for them.
"Pleased to meet you, Yowane-san." The tall boy said with a bow. "I have heard all about your impressive debut here at our compound. My name is Camui Gackpo, A rank Vocaloid at your service." He wore his long purple hair loose over a white outfit that somehow seemed like a traditional style in a modern cut. The combination wasn't unpleasant but she couldn't place it.
Haku couldn't tell if he was being melodramatic or not. She bowed her head anyway, her silver bow with black edges holding her snowy white hair back bobbing gently over her grey silk blouse and black designer jeans. Her favorite all black one had never quite recovered from the soaking it had received in the rain. "Pleased to meet you as well, Camui-san. I was looking for Kasane-san or Megpoid-san for singing practice. Have you seen them?"
Gackpo put a finger to his lips in a considering way. "Hmmmm. No I don't believe I have." He said apologetically. "I'm sorry but I cannot help you there. Perhaps I could be of assistance to your training this afternoon in their stead?"
"Ha?" Haku was surprised. She'd never met this boy but he was offering to help. "Oh but, I don't want to keep you from whatever you're doing."
He laughed, a rich ringing sound. "Concern for me despite your own need, how touching." He smiled warmly and bowed for her again. "Fear not fair maiden, my schedule is open this day, and it would be my honor, nay, my delight to have a hand in helping shape you toward your great potential as an S plus rank Vocaloid."
His style of speech was grand and Haku found it mildly off putting, but she wrapped herself in her outwardly calm serenity and smiled. "Thank you, that's very kind of you Camui-san." She gave a little bow not wanting to compete with his grandness and he turned and gestured in a direction that would take them into the North Wing.
"Shall we?"
She glanced the opposite way, confused. "Oh but, Megpoid-san and Kasane-san and I always practice in the yard."
Gackpo laughed and directed her northward and she followed him as he started off. "The courtyard is a fine place to sing." He agreed, "But not for training. When you train at dancing, do you not have mirrors on the walls to see what your body is doing? When a painter paints, do they not step back occasionally to admire and scrutinize their work? Does a sculptor not circle his creation to view every angle of his piece to pick out the flaws?"
Haku was still trying to acclimate to his grandiose speech but she saw what he was getting at. "Yes, I suppose they do."
He threw an arm up in a wide sweeping gesture as though to indicate the entire compound. "We Vocaloids are no less artists. We train and push ourselves and in due diligence we achieve mastery over ourselves and our art. Therefore, we too must step back to critique ourselves as we hone our skills, for it is not a public eye we fear finding our flaws but a dangerous enemy who wants only to capitalize on our failures."
Mastery of their art… Haku liked that. It put things into perspective for her to think of it in that way rather than simply training to do a thing. Luka and Miku were like that, even if they didn't realize it. They were idols, the art was everything. Suddenly her thoughts on the matter coalesced in a moment of clarity, and she realized how she wanted to contribute to the Vocaloids, an idea she had had the other day but was only now taking full form in her mind. She would have to talk to Luka… but that was for later. For right now something Gackpo had said earlier popped back into her mind and she looked up at him as they walked.
"You said earlier something about S plus? What does that mean?"
Gackpo smiled and nodded. "A Vocaloid's potential is a measurable device to indicate how strong they can actually become. We have medical instruments and testing facilities for such things as you have seen." At her nod to show she was following him he continued. "What is less tangible is the idea of surpassing one's own potential limits, to push yourself beyond what you had previously thought possible. This is what I call a plus rank. I have reached my potential at one hundred thirty nine times that of normal human sonic perception ranges. I am as high an A rank as is possible to achieve. Yet if I were able to push myself beyond, to reach one hundred forty times, would I then not be more than my potential had previously dictated? An A plus rank?"
Haku thought it over for a moment then narrowed her red eyes curiously. "Wouldn't you just be an S rank then?"
He shook his head. "I do not know. It is a theory which I am pursuing, I will know what to call it when the time is right."
Haku blinked at that. "Then no one has ever surpassed themselves before?"
Gackpo laughed softly, "As I said, it is only a theory so far. Not everyone even reaches their potential. I have, a few others. We are still growing as an organization, Yowane-san. There is as much guesswork and theorycraft involved as legitimate science. Learn to think outside of traditional lines of reasoning and the possibilities which will open to your mind will be as numerous as the stars in the night sky!"
As Gackpo led them through a doorway into a high ceilinged room she decided he was not mocking or melodramatic, he was just eccentric and idealistic. She liked that, and it put her at ease. The room had a few high stools in it with short backs to sit upright in and a few more traditional chairs against the walls, but not much else. The carpet was lush, the lighting was low and soft, and she noticed the ceiling was slightly curved. She glanced at Gackpo who was smiling as he watched her take it all in, and she let out an experimental note.
"Huuuuuuuuu." The walls and ceilings seemed to reverberate with the note, bouncing it between them almost as if playing with it before it faded away.
Gackpo's smile widened. "I see you are every bit as perceptive as I have heard, Yowane-san. Yes, this chamber is acoustically favorable and in that way we are able to do as the sculptors do, to hear and critique and perfect our art, to sculpt our vocal cords as a master carpenter perfects his angles. We have several rooms such as this for practicing." He added at the end as he slid a placard on the door to change it from saying 'unoccupied' to 'occupied' before closing the door. "Now Yowane-san. We shall start at the beginning. Harmonize with me."
So for the rest of that week whenever she went in search of a singing partner in Gackpo, Gumi, or Teto after lunch and couldn't find one she would find another, and they would go to the practice room. Twice she found all three and those had been fantastic practices, stretching out well past dinner time as they were all so thoroughly engrossed in it.
And so her week went, dancing all morning, singing all afternoon, sneaking meals in when she could… and softly crying herself to sleep at night. Alone in her room in the dark with nothing to occupy her mind she could not keep her thoughts away from Luka and Miku. It didn't help that they came knocking every evening without fail. She never opened the door though, calling through it that she was too tired. She wanted to though, so very badly she wanted to. She was desperate for a reprieve from the pain. Yet in the dark of night the sorrow and the loneliness krept in on her, threatening to swallow her up completely like a black fog rolling in around her, consuming her. The light of her iPhone screen gave her something to focus on and she would lay awake for hours watching videos online of Luka and Miku's old concerts, younger versions of the pretty idol's dancing along to Haku's tears, until she finally drifted off with her phone in hand. The only thing that ever helped was unconsciousness, and even that not very much as her dreams were filled with the two beauties.
… … … … …
"She's avoiding us." Miku muttered sullenly as she picked at her breakfast, a muffin and a banana, one morning late in the week as they sat in the cafeteria. She had barely eaten anything the past few days, but that still wasn't as bad as Luka, who had skipped entire meals with her worry. Miku felt bad for the idol but did her best to get her to have snacks occasionally. Luka still felt like this entire situation were her fault and worried endlessly over Haku's behavior.
"Of course she is…" Luka muttered not even looking at her sweet bean bun, her chin resting on one hand with the elbow on the table. It had long since grown cold from neglect. "She's right to distance herself from me after what I did."
Miku sighed and shoved her own plate away. She had as little clue of what to do about the situation as Luka, but the pink haired beauty really needed to stop punishing herself. "Luka-chin, please. You have to stop thinking like that, it's not your fault."
"Why?" Luka's blue eyes met Miku's own and they stared at each other. "Tell me how it's not."
"It was an accident," Miku muttered. She wished she could come up with a more definite argument, but she wasn't sure how. From the look on Luka's face she knew it too.
"That doesn't make it any less of a problem." She muttered back.
"I didn't say it wasn't a problem, I said it wasn't your fault. Haku-chin only wants us to be happy and we're not."
Luka's hand slapped the table as she let it fall from beneath her chin. "How can we be happy without her?!" Miku jumped at the sound and Luka winced. "I'm sorry, Miku-chin…"
Suddenly Miku had had enough. She couldn't explain it, just an emotion boiling over inside her. She stood up, stepped over beside Luka, and grabbed the idol by her cheeks with the palms of her hands, jerking her head up so she could stare down at her with an intense look in her eyes. "Luka-chin!" The bubbliness in her voice hadn't been present all week, but now the steel beneath the silk that was her resolve beneath her pretty exterior came out, her tone stern and commanding. "Enough! Okay?! We can't sit around feeling sorry for ourselves in this! We have to do something!"
The fact that Miku was including herself with the words even though she hadn't been the one blaming herself at all somehow combined with her iron commanding tone and made Luka's eyes go wide. Her jaw worked soundlessly for a few moments before her crystal voice came forth finally. "But… but what do we do?"
Miku sighed. "I don't know yet, but sitting around dwelling on blame and self deprecation doesn't help, it distracts. Stop it!"
Luka swallowed and nodded against the hands that held her face, and the silk shrouded back over Miku's attitude. She slid down to plop onto Luka's lap and wrapped her arms around the pink haired beauty. "It will be okay. Somehow, Luka-chin, it will be, I'm sure of it."
Luka sat frozen for a moment or two. They were in a public setting in a way even if there was no one else around in the cafeteria at the moment, but after a brief hesitation she let her arms circle Miku's waist and hugged back. They stayed that way for several moments before Miku withdrew one arm to lean over the table and reached for the muffin she had been picking at, pulling a piece of it off and bringing her hand up to pop it into Luka's mouth before she could object. The idol blinked in surprise but Miku left her finger there over her lips and after a moment Luka started chewing, and Miku couldn't help giggling at her. "See? Everything will be okay, somehow."
… … … … ...
Haku stared at the door to Luka's bedroom. She knew they were in there, she had seen them go in from down the hall some time before as she had been coming this way. Her day had been leading up to this, but that didn't make it any easier to face. She had reached up to knock a couple of times then dropped her hand back down. Her stomach felt like an entire swarm of butterflies had moved in and her chest was so tight she thought she might be sick. She needlessly double checked that her silver bow with black edges was still in place in her white hair behind her head.
When Friday morning dawned and Haku had found Hibiki-sensei conspicuously absent from the dance studio with a note on the door that read "Out for the day, apologies for the inconvenience. -Hibiki Mokoto" she had been disappointed but hoped everything was okay. She had gone back to her room to change back out of her workout clothes. After a moment's hesitation she'd put on the black silk blouse with a silver rose bud on the left side and a black skirt with a pattern of silver rose vines climbing the hem and up the sides that Miku had given her. The black leg warmers she'd added weren't part of the original outfit but the weather was getting colder every day and they matched well enough. It made her both feel warm but pained at the same time, but she supposed if she were to see the two today about her idea she should offer some sign to help ease tensions, at least a bit. Before that though she'd had to go find someone.
The Director of Finances for the Vocaloids was a very business like woman who would not have stood out in any crowd. She wore a sensible skirt suit and had her dark hair in a bun. Her door was open but Haku had knocked tentatively on the doorframe anyway, and had spent the better part of an hour talking to Hijime Keiko.
"It's a good idea overall, Yowane-san." She had said approvingly. "A few details to workout still, but you're on the right track. I approve, but you're right in that you will need to speak with Megurine-san about it."
So here she was outside of Luka's door, standing in the hallway just staring at it. How long had it been since she'd walked up? Five minutes? Ten? She didn't know. She was tempted to just go back to her room and deal with this later. She'd been watching more of the two idol's videos and had found something odd. Miku had said at one point that her retirement hadn't been that long ago, perhaps a few months back, maybe as many as six months, after whatever had happened with her old manager, but the most recent videos of her concerts were over a year old. It was an oddity Haku wanted to look into. She supposed her friend could have been misremembering, but if it was so recent she didn't think so. Either way it was a mystery she wanted to investigate… She sighed, then took a deep breath, swallowed hard, and knocked.
"Come in." Luka's crystal voice came floating through the door, and Haku hesitated a moment before forcing herself to reach down and turn the knob. The moment she let herself in the other two perked up, sitting up straighter on the edge of Luka's bed. "Haku-chin!"
Haku closed the door behind herself carefully and leaned against it where she was. They didn't move from the bed's edge, but they looked poised on the verge of leaping up as though they thought she might bolt again. If she was being honest with herself the urge was there to do so. Instead she opened her mouth to speak. "Can I… can I talk to you both about something?"
"Of course you can!" Miku's voice was a wind chime in Haku's mind and it helped ease her a little bit.
Luka gestured to the overstuffed chair in the corner, but Haku moved over to perch on the makeup stand's stool, drawing it over to face them more directly without getting too close, just out of arm's reach, and made herself sit. Neither failed to notice her outfit. They were dressed as beautifully as always Haku saw, Miku in a simple white one piece dress worked all over with blue and grey ribbons and flowers, and Luka was wearing a designer pair of black fashion jeans and a dark red sleeveless shirt with her knee high stiletto boots that laced up the sides. She must have been out hunting this morning, it was the sort of thing she wore while tracking souldrinkers, the kind if outfit that made Haku think of her as the warrior Luka rather than the idol.
Haku took a deep breath and decided to start the conversation off on the correct note. "I'm not here to talk about… about us." She said, only stuttering a little bit. Green and blue eyes both blinked in surprise and Haku hurried on. "Not that I don't want to, I'm just… I'm not ready to…" Their faces flushed in embarrassment and emotional pain, but they gave nearly identical nods, pink and light blue pony tails bobbing and swaying slightly.
"We'll be here when you're ready to, Haku-chin…" Miku muttered quietly in a tone that was reassuring despite her obvious impatience and inner pain..
"You can always come talk to us." Luka added, unable to keep a note of sadness out of her crystal voice.
"I had an idea the other day about my presence here with the Vocaloids, about how everyone contributes somehow." Haku went on, grateful they hadn't pressed the issue right then. They nodded, looking up a little more directly at her. "Something Miku said the other day started me thinking about being an idol." Miku winced slightly at the lack of familiar address but she didn't say anything. "The other week when we were talking with Teto and Gumi, you said you wished that you'd had Luka's manager back when you were an idol." Luka flinched too. "About how you wanted to have more freedom in your performance, but that you missed it otherwise." She got a nod of agreement and kept going, turning to look at Luka. "So I thought maybe if we talked to your manager, we could get her signed on with you. That seemed like such a simple thought at the time I didn't see why you hadn't done it already, so I thought I'd bring it up at a later time…" She trailed off, not adding that that time hadn't ever come up.
They both blinked in surprise and looked at each other. "You never mentioned this to me, Miku-chin." Luka said. "You know I would talk to Hojoto-san for you."
Miku pondered. "It had never occurred to me, honestly. I'm not unhappy focusing on the Vocaloids. But I do miss it…"
"And then I was thinking about the first day I met you." Haku went on to Luka, and their heads turned back toward her. "About you being an idol, and how it seemed a natural sort of profession for a Vocaloid, since we train so strenuously in dance and voice anyway."
Luka nodded at that. "Do you want to be an idol, Haku-chin? Is that what you're saying?"
"No!" Haku said quickly, but then she winced at herself and added, "Well yes. Kind of. I mean, not just for myself, I'd help you two in it for sure, but then Camui-san said something earlier today that-"
Miku couldn't stop a giggle erupting from her and she waved her hand in an apologetic gesture, "I'm sorry, Haku-chin, I don't mean to interrupt just, you just remember all these things so clearly! It's pretty amazing."
Haku flushed a little at the compliment, and Luka was smiling fondly at her. She had to clear her throat before going on. "Camui-san said Vocaloids are no less artists than a painter or sculptor. That we train and push ourselves and in time we achieve mastery over ourselves and our art."
Luka rolled her eyes. "That certainly sounds like him."
"So with all of these things in mind, it led me to the idea that if your talent manager were amenable to the idea, she could manage all of us." Haku said by way of revealing her thought.
"All three of us?" Miku asked curiously.
Haku shook her head. "No. ALL of us. The Vocaloids in general, any of us who want to be idols. If we are the embodiment of our form of art, and being an idol is so natural a career choice for us, and if all Vocaloids contribute to our private cause in some way, why not open it up to any of us who want to be idols? I know Gumi and Teto would jump at the chance, and finding a good manager is so hard. It would be a step up career wise for your manager, representing a whole group instead of individuals, right? We could form our own group out of it, and any of us who wanted to could participate, and then all of us who do would be contributing through it. It covers so many bases all at once."
They gaped at her, that was all there was to it. Their jaws literally dropped open and they stared at her incredulously. "Haku-chin…" Luka breathed, but couldn't get anything else out, but Miku spoke what they were both thinking.
"You're absolutely brilliant, Haku-chin! Amazing! You see things from so many angles! Wow!"
Luka was shaking her head looking absolutely blown away. "Every time I think I have you figured out Haku-chin you do something to shock or surprise me." She looked up with a radiant smile, and Haku felt her heart melt. "You're just amazing, just like Miku-chin says. That's all there is to it."
Haku flushed from all the compliments, still having a hard time accepting them. "I'm sure either of you could have come up with it if you'd thought on it. But does that mean you think it's a good idea?"
"I think it's a fantastic idea!" Miku positively bubbled.
"I'm sure Hojoto-san would be all for it. You're right, it would mean a significant step up for her, and she is a great manager. I got super lucky when I found her." Luka put in. "When do you want to meet with her?"
Haku blinked in surprise. "What, me? No, I just had the thought, I'm sure you could present it to her."
Miku giggled and Luka smirked. "No, none of that Haku-chin. It was your idea, you should be the one to get credit for it."
Haku gave a small shrug. "Well… whenever is convenient for everyone is fine with me I suppose…" She allowed, then blinked in surprise when Luka pulled her cellphone out of her pocket and tapped the screen a few times, then put it to her ear with a smile at Haku.
She waited for the answer at the other end then spoke, "Hi, Hojoto-san, it's Megurine Luka. Uh huh. Are you free for a lunch meeting? Really? Can you put it off? Oh it's definitely worth it if you can. I just had the most amazing idea pitched to me that you absolutely have to hear." Her smile at Haku widened at the answer she couldn't hear and Miku was practically bouncing up and down on the bed's edge with excitement. "Uh huh. Yes. Definitely. I can guarantee you that if you're interested in the idea it will have wide ranging benefits to your career. Oh yes, yes absolutely. We'll be there in twenty minutes? Okay, see you then!" She took the phone from her ear and ended the call, turning the screen off and sliding it back into a pocket. Her smile took them both in. "Lunch?"
Luka took up the diamond studded sunglasses that Haku had given her and slipped them on, and Miku took a moment to rush to her room and exchange her thin purple ribbons she was wearing with the dark blue with black edged ones Haku had gifted her when she had given Haku the outfit. It was a quick little thing, but apparently they wanted to reciprocate with her wearing the outfit.
Fifteen minutes later Miku was pulling one of the big SUVs into the parking lot of a nice looking place. She could have taken the Ferrari but didn't want to risk tipping her father off yet, and besides there wasn't a back seat for a third person in the extensive foreign sports car. Haku had insisted Luka sit up front with Miku and had the back of the SUV to herself; it seemed safest that way. They parked and all got out to head inside, Miku muttering to herself, "We need a beautiful four seater, these SUVs are so clunky it's like driving a yacht."
They met Luka's manager, who had just shown up as well, just outside the doors of the restaurant heading in. She smiled and exchanged pleasantries with Luka, who then turned to introduce the others. "Hojoto-san, may I introduce Hatsune Miku and Yowane Haku." She gestured to each. "Miku-chin, Haku-chin, this is my manager Hojoto Hime."
"Pleased to meet you." Haku and Miku said in unison, bowing together.
"Pleased to meet you as well." Hime replied then ran an appraising eye over the light blue and snowy white haired girls. "Such pretty things, the both of you. And Hatsune Miku no less!" She smiled coyly. "Are you two the reason I'm here?"
Haku wasn't sure if she was supposed to reply or not but Miku tilted her head, the dark blue and black ribbons holding her side ponytails in place drifting with her hair. "You know me?"
Hime laughed softly. "Dear, I'm a talent manager. I know of all the best talent. I had always wanted to meet you when you were active. Your retirement after that unfortunate Ijinashi debacle last year was far too soon for such a talented little starlet as you, but considering who your manager was at the time it wasn't surprising." Hime paused as she noticed the darkening look on Miku's face and offered her another smile. "No one thinks it was your fault, Hatsune-san, everyone blames the oaf you had representing you."
Miku's expression brightened. "Really?! That's so good to know!" Haku narrowed her red eyes ever so slightly at that. No one else seemed to catch the way Hime had said it, but she did. Miku's retirement last year...
Hime pulled the doors of the restaurant open and they all filed inside. There were people in fancy suits everywhere; apparently this was a very popular place for the business world. The host seated them at a table against one wall and they ordered drinks and the lunch special, which turned out to be a popular noodle bowl. Udon noodles?! She loved udon! Haku was starving from having subsisted on nothing but corner store snacks for the past several days while avoiding the others. It turned out though to Haku's surprise that Luka and Miku seemed just as hungry as she was. They were all preoccupied with the food to the point of odd looks from Hime. It was almost as though having all three of them together at one table in and of itself was such an emotional relief that they were able to eat. Had they been having issues eating too? Haku's chest tightened.
Once the food was mostly gone the subject was broached and the others looked to Haku, so she laid out her idea for Hime the same way she had for Luka and Miku back in Luka's bedroom but without mentioning the secret of the Vocaloids. She didn't realize until Hime started lavishing the same sorts of praise on her as the others had for her brilliance and clarity of thought that she had more than half been expecting to get shot down. Hojoto Hime was a professional talent manager and she would have been the one to say if it would work or not, but she seemed just as enthused as the others. More so perhaps for what it would do for her career.
"You were right, Megurine-san, this was absolutely worth rearranging my schedule for. More than worth it!" She exalted, and Luka and Miku beamed at Haku. Hime ran an appraising eye over her. "You are really something, Yowane-san. Beauty AND brains, my my my." Haku flushed at the compliments, and surprisingly so did Luka and Miku if a much lighter shade. "This is really something you've got here, I'm deeply impressed by your business acumen Yowane-san. I will gladly manage you, and with your help in the management process I would be glad to do so for the rest of it as well."
"Then you agree?" Luka said excitedly as Miku practically bounced in her chair as she had done on the edge of the bed in Luka's room.
"Absolutely." Hime said, and Luka and Miku let out a soft cheer. Haku didn't cheer, but she smiled happily. She was pleased with herself, she had found a way to contribute that didn't involve her parents in any way.
The rest of the lunch meeting was spent hammering out details for the next few weeks. There were still any number of details to be seen to, such as branding and marketing and phone calls to venues, production necessities, wardrobe concerns, everything had to be seen to. Luka had a show coming up the following week and she wanted it to be headed under their new group, which Hime tried to talk her out of because of how much paperwork and administrative difficulties that sort of change on such short notice would cause but Luka was insistent. Finally they agreed to not change anything on the administrative side but to have the venue add their group name to signs for the show under Luka's name to start getting it in the public's eyes.
"That raises the question," Hime said as though having just thought of it. "What IS your group's name?"
Haku and Luka exchanged a glance, but Miku didn't hesitate, throwing an arm up in the air like a seated victory pose. "We're the Vocaloids!"
After lunch was concluded Hime paid the bill and they headed out. The others tried to object but she laughed. "It's a business expense, I have to document it. Besides, if this all pans out the way I'm absolutely confident it will, it'll be a mere drop in the bucket! Fame and fortune await you girls, I'm positive of that!" Once out in the parking lot she laughed and waved and drove off, and the others looked at each other.
"Is it really okay using the same name as our secret organization?" Luka asked the obvious question. "Wouldn't that make it less secret?"
"Nah! It's fine!" Miku giggled. "We don't have any kind of public face, so at the worst daddy can just claim it a coincidence. Any contributions we make will be funneled through private accounts, it won't be connected at all, and it definitely seems appropriate. Like Haku-chin said, we are the embodiment of our art!"
Miku's reassurances mollified the other girls, and with that out of the way a sudden awkward silence descended upon the three of them. Luka and Miku looked at each other then they both turned to look at Haku, who dropped her gaze to the pavement at her feet. They were waiting on her she realized. She had set the tone and the pace of this entire excursion, and if anything else were to come of it it would be her call this time. They didn't press, but they didn't have to, she felt the pressure, the weight of their stares. She felt her chest tightening up once more.
"I think…" She practically croaked the words out and cleared her throat with a little cough. "I think I'll… I'll walk back…" The other two blinked in surprise and tried to object but Haku shook her head. "No, please. I need… I need some time to think… clear my head a little bit…" She looked up at the pained expressions on their faces and her heart broke for them a bit. She was struck by an impulse and leaned up to put her arms around their shoulders, her right arm going around Luka's left shoulder and her left arm around Miku's right. They seemed surprised, they were in a parking lot! But Haku's face ended up between their heads and she whispered between their ears, "I know it hurts… I'm sorry for that, really. You've both been so patient with me, but… I need a little more time. Please? I'm not… quite ready to face this yet…"
They gave little nods and squeezed her back, turning it into a sort of group hug. Any passersby would probably just attribute it to three young girls being friendly, or she hoped that was all anyway. "It's okay, Haku-chin…" The idol whispered, and even that was like crystal. "We're the ones that did this to you, you take as much time as you need." None of them wanted to let go, and they all knew it, so once again Haku had to swallow hard and be the strong one, though she didn't think of it that way at all. She finally pulled back, letting her arms drop away. They let her go and she turned and walked out of the parking lot and down the sidewalk. She could feel their gazes on her back the entire way. She didn't look back, she couldn't. She knew if she did she'd stop and be unable to go on.
She was in that daze again, not fully registering where she was going or what she was doing, crossing streets and taking turns by instinct rather than conscious thought. She made her way along but after a time of walking and thinking she found she was not at the Vocaloid Compound at all, she was actually at the same strip mall as before. She only just realized she had been following her instincts. Vocaloids were creatures of instinct and emotion after all. She went in, some part of her not knowing why or where she was going, another part absolutely sure of her need. Emotional release, Hibiki-sensei had said. Good or bad, put all your emotions into it…
She went into the designer store and walked through the aisles and up to the back wall where they had racks of some of the most gorgeous dresses she had ever seen before. They were all beautiful but she went straight to one almost as though she had known it would be there, never having seen it before in her life. It was a black chinese dress, a cheongsam that fell nearly to the ankles but was slit up the sides to the hips, the hem, arms holes, neckline, and heart shaped oval cut out in the upper chest all lined with thread of gold embroidery. Silver rose vines climbed the sides and up the bodice on front and back with gold roses all along it, both buds and fully bloomed. The metallic silvers and golds glinted in the store's soft light. A wispy transparent black waist wrap came with it, as well as the upper shoulder piece that was less transparent but still not fully opaque.
Haku removed the display tag and took it to the front counter. "I'd like this dress please." She said, and the clerk smiled and went to box it up for her. While the clerk was gone she walked over to a rack of shoes. She found some velvety back heeled outdoor slippers that would match perfectly, and beside the shoes various types of leggings. She picked out some lacy leggings that were partially see through that were worked in swirling patterns. On another rack she found gloves that matched the leggings that went up past her elbows. Then on her way back to the counter she idly wandered over to the jewelry case to look. It wasn't a large selection but there was an intricate silver necklace with diamonds dangling from it cut to look like raindrops. Still operating on impulse she asked for that too when the clerk came back. It would look like the diamond raindrops on the necklace were watering the golden roses on the dress.
She clutched the boxes to herself tightly already feeling her emotions churning within her. Emotional release… good or bad… need to get them out… she was careful not to crush her packages even while holding tightly to them. When she got back she went straight to her room to set the boxes on her bed, then went to take a bath. She had rushed her bath that morning as usual, and she wanted to be completely clean for this. The lunch meeting had gone well into mid afternoon from all the talking and planning they had done, and between the walk to the strip mall and back home added in it was already nearly early evening. She took her time washing at the faucets, scrubbing and rinsing every last inch of herself thoroughly, then she took a nice long soak in the giant tub. She didn't turn on any of the jets, just lay in the water face up, her sizable chest floating but simultaneously pushing her deeper into the water. She closed her eyes and let herself drift in the water for a long time. Still operating on instinct, she knew she would know when it was time, and she did when it came.
Leaving the bathroom wrapped head to toe in towels she made for her room quickly, luckily not passing anyone. Once in her room she dried herself off carefully, toweled her hair mostly dry, then tossed all the towels aside. She'd pick them up later, she was very neat in general, but at the moment it was more important to let herself finish air drying. She opened the box and laid the beautiful dress out on her bed, then did the same with the necklace. Then she went over to the nightstand and fished out a thin fresh pair of black lacy panties and pulled them up her legs. That done she began brushing her hair out, one hundred strokes. By the time she was finished her cascading silvery white strands were silky and dry and she pulled her hair back with a black ribbon similar to her favorite black bow if a little narrower. Then she sat at the makeup stand. Black mostly for eyelashes and eyeliner, then a rose red blush to set off her eyes, and a blood red lipstick. Finally it was time, and she started with the leggings, pulling them on and rolling them up passed her knees to mid thigh. Next came the dress itself, manipulating the beautiful material delicately as she slid it over herself so as not to crease it. Then the wispy transparent black waist wrap and the shoulder piece. Once it was on and she had tied the few laces carefully she stepped into the heeled slippers, and then finally came the necklace and then the gloves; she didn't want to catch the gloves material in the necklace so she did them last. Once she was all finished she appraised herself in the mirror. Everything was perfect, her instincts were right where they needed to be every step of the way tonight. Need… emotion… impulse...
Finding access to the roof wasn't hard, she just had to be careful not to let her new dress brush up against anything grimy. The Vocaloid Compound was only a few stories high, and she found a spot by the outer yard by the garages that was raised up a little higher which she stepped up onto, probably used to make address to anyone below. There was no one down there now, but that wasn't why she was here. Twilight was thick all around, and the moon and the first stars were just starting to sparkle in the sky as the light of the sun was fading but not entirely gone. It was exactly the right time, and she began to dance. The music came instantly, her body vibrating and her sonic energies responding, and she let her voice rise with the melody. There were no words, it wasn't any actual song, but guided by her instincts the music was perfect, as if conducted by a master orchestra director. Her singing had no lyrics, it was just harmonizing, but it was far from simple. She shifted notes as though she were singing, and though there were no words it sounded almost as if there were, almost as if there were a message.
That message was melancholy. Led by her emotions the tune was beautiful, but sad. Pretty but haunting. Slow paced, but purposeful. Serene, yet filled with her sorrows. She moved, she stepped, she twirled, and her white hair flashed silvery in the light of twilight as it swirled around her, as did the wispy black waist wrap and the slit portions of the dress itself. Elbows bent, hands at chest height, she twisted and dipped, ducked and weaved, spun and moved about the platform, and the music was all. And she danced. She was right at the edge of the platform, right up against the raised lip of the edge of the roof. One misstep and she would have fallen, but that was impossible, not guided by her instincts as she was this night.
Her red eyes were raised, and she sang to the moon and the stars, telling them through her music of her sorrows, telling them of the fierceness of her hurt, imploring them to understand the boundless depths of her breaking heart. All the pain from the past week, all the anxiety, all of the melancholy came out in that wordless melody that she offered up to the sky as she danced and twirled to her body's song it was producing through her sonic energies. She had no idea how long she danced, had no idea how long she had been up here. It had been a long time. An eternity maybe. It wasn't enough. She danced on, sang on. She let it out, let it all out, let it stream out of her up to the sky. And then she began to vibrate, and she let that out too.
Her sonic energies began to pulse into the air, directed by her upturned face, her hands when they would raise up, her shoulders as she would twist or weave in a step. Massive energy waves that exploded up into the air with flashes of light no normal human could have seen, echoing sonic booms that no average person could have heard. They weren't louder than her music though, even with all the sonic booms her body seemed to keep that music above all else, that hauntingly beautiful melody echoing through the courtyard below, off the walls of the building, off the roof and up to the sky. Emotional release, impulses, need. The feelings were all, the music was all, they were one and the same, the music was her feelings.
Finally the melody began to slow and wind down. She didn't will it to, it just happened, her body as guided by her instincts as her mind. She had done what she had set out to do, had offered her emotions up to the stars. She felt better already, clearer, more relieved. It had worked, it was a wonderfully euphoric feeling. She turned a few final steps as the melody wound down and came to rest on the very edge of the platform, facing the courtyard below in a serene pose, eyes closed and one arm raised in front of herself with the back of her hand to her lips, fingers extended, the other hand around her middle, her knees bent. Her snowy white cascading hair fluttered to a rest behind her as the music finally faded all together and she just stood there in the light of the stars and the moon. Night had fully fallen and her dress and her hair positively glowed in the light of heaven under the night sky.
And suddenly the applause began. Her red eyes popped open and the world seemed to rush back to her and she looked down. The height was dizzying, she really hadn't been consciously aware of how close to the edge she was. There must have been two dozen people down there assembled in the yard below, every face gazing up at her, every eye tear filled with wet tracks down their cheeks from the raw emotion in her hauntingly beautiful song. Mr. and Ms. Hatsune, arms linked and still clapping, were down there, as was Doctor Hatsune's assistant Harune Hikari. She recognized the faces of the various directors scattered about too. Gackpo was down there, and she saw Gumi and Teto as well, and even Hibiki-sensei apparently back from whatever event had occurred that morning. She saw faces of other Vocaloids she had passed in the hallways during her months here but had never actually met yet. And there, right in the front, right where they could get the best possible look at her, were Luka and Miku. Their faces were more streaked wet with tears than any of the others, and they clapped even harder than the rest. More than anyone else they understood why she had needed this, and somehow Haku knew they had been the first out here to see what was going on.
It was then that Haku realized just how loud of a racket she had been causing. Well, not to the average human perception certainly. To anyone walking by the only things they would have been able to tell was a woman dancing and humming on a roof with music coming from somewhere, which they would probably have attributed to an outdoor loudspeaker. But the music had been loud, that much she knew now, and that would probably have been enough to draw everyone out by itself, even apart from the sonic fireworks display she had been causing in the sky. She stood there looking down at them as they applauded for her, and another realization came to her. She had been up here for at least an hour, perhaps more. Full dark had settled, and she had danced on. Someone below whistled, she thought it was Gackpo. Blushing furiously at the attention she gave a little bow and turned to step off the platform back onto the roof.
Because she was able to come down from a roof access and straight into the needed hallways and everyone else had to funnel back in amongst all the others and then traverse side hallways she was able to make it back to her room before anyone got to her. She locked the door, undressed, put her beautiful new dress and accessories carefully away in the wardrobe, then went straight to bed. Then, for the first time this entire week, she didn't cry herself to sleep.
… … … … …
The door was locked and there was no answer when Luka knocked gently. Some small part of her had hoped the gorgeous white haired girl would want to talk to them now after her emotional performance, but it seemed she either still didn't want to or was already asleep. It would make sense if she were, considering the sheer amount of raw emotional release she had displayed tonight. Luka had never seen the like of it before. All Vocaloids were emotional and instinctual creatures, but when they needed such a release they usually turned to each other, either for practice or training, or for more… intimate reasons.
"She was dancing for us." Miku whispered beside the idol, and Luka nodded her agreement.
"I know. She wanted us to see how badly she was hurting. She couldn't tell us directly, she was in too much pain because of- this situation." She had almost said because of her again, but Miku had made her promise to stop blaming herself. It was hard not to see it as her fault though. She was the one who had encouraged and led on the new Vocaloid even though she had past ties to Miku. She was dirty and awful and- No, stop, she admonished herself, you promised.
Miku shook her head though. "No, not because she couldn't tell us, because she didn't know how. She didn't have the words, and we've been pressuring her to talk to us."
Luka thought about that for a moment, that made sense too. Haku had never been in a relationship before, had never had any real emotional connections to anyone before them because of being shut in by her parents as a child and teenager. The red eyed mysterious beauty was brilliant and more perceptive than anyone Luka had ever known, but she lacked certain social graces. That must have been it, it all fit. Miku was so good at reading people, and she didn't even do it on purpose. Like so many other things with Vocaloids it was instinctual.
The idol reached out a hand to place on the door to Haku's room, her long flowing pink ponytail swaying gently as she did. She flattened her palm against the soft wood with her fingers splayed and whispered, "You were wonderful tonight, Haku-chin. You were beautiful, radiant, and amazing."
Miku's eyes teared up again, but not from personal pain, just from the sheer emotions that Haku's hauntingly beautiful yet sad song had evoked this night. She reached up to do the same as Luka, and whispered as well. "You are the most unique person I have ever met, Haku-chin. You're brilliant and gorgeous and your dance was fantastic."
They stood there for a time like that, just holding their hands against the door and letting their tears silently fall. They weren't crying for themselves tonight, they were weeping for Haku. They still didn't know what to do for her. Neither could deny any longer that they felt something for her, but they couldn't deny their feelings for each other either. They were at a loss, but somehow through the instincts and emotions that had poured out this night, they knew that things were getting a little better.
After long minutes they finally dropped their hands and looked to the other. Miku's long light blue side twintails trailed over her shoulders and arms, and Luka reached up to brush at her tears. "It will be okay, Miku-chin."
Miku nodded, then abruptly let out a tear choked giggle. "Wasn't I the one saying that to you this morning?"
Luka smiled and nodded. "Yes, you were. And you were right, too. I can see that now. I believe it now. It's just still so hard not to feel like I caused all this."
Miku wrapped her arms around the idol and Luka felt warmth spread through her. "I know." Was all the pretty blue haired girl said. They hugged for a time before retreating to Luka's room to go to sleep. They had shared Luka's bed every night that week, just slept beside each other, needing the warmth and companionship. Other urges were furiously stamped down for the time being. Neither could stand the thought of doing anything more than that while Haku was hurting the way she was, so they waited, and hoped.
