Chapter 12
How to Enjoy a Shower
Tin Het just said: Gimme a break it's 3am and I am knackered.
Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is not mine.
They knew why he was here.
Suffered trauma.
Delusional.
Family history of schizophrenia.
Diagnosed with Aspergers.
Genius.
The list carried on.
He had been brought in heavily medicated and was now sleeping in his room. The door was locked. Due to special circumstances he was to have very special eye kept on him. They watched now on the security camera as he lay on his back where they had placed him and slept off the rest of the medication they had been forced to give the struggling, kicking, crying, young man.
It was sad, but not the first case of something like this happening. Genetics…No fighting that. No amount of hiding behind your own oddness will cover up for the faulty genes.
-o-o-o-
He was awake but he kept his eyes tightly shut. He knew where he was. Without even opening his eyes he knew it. He had seen these places enough when his mum had to stay in them occasionally before she left all together and he knew only too well what was going to happen. Keeping his eyes shut wasn't going to help for long. Eventually they would come in and see if he was awake and he was sure they had the security camera on too. It was how these places did things.
Now he was here they would keep him. He knew that. He knew that his meant the end of his career. The end of everything and this was Rossi's doing. What he couldn't figure out was why?
And so he lay and kept his eyes shut and tried to keep his breaths deep and long and not have a panic attack. Not that he thought he would. He could talk his way out of this. He was sure of it.
How long he had been there for he didn't know, but eventually he heard the door open and more than one set of foot steps coming towards the bed. It was now that they breaths started their short sharp ragged games with him. It was now that the sweat broke out on his brow as the fight or flight reflexes swamped his body again and again it was to fight.
"Spencer?" It was a soft female voice. "I'm Sally. Thought I would introduce myself to you."
He opened his eyes and looked up at her.
"Go away." He managed to hiss through his clenched teeth.
"It's alright Spencer. I understand that this is confusing…….."
He cut her off mid sentence. "If you understood then you would know to leave me alone." He rolled over onto his side so she couldn't see the look on his face.
"I will come back later and talk to you when you are more relaxed. I don't want to start off with negative feelings."
"Too late." Reid muttered to the wall.
They let him settle in. They let him lay in his bed for the remainder of the day and all night, but in the morning they came to get him.
"You need to get up Spencer. The doctor needs to talk to you."
No answer.
"Come on Spencer – you have been laying there long enough. All we want to do is talk."
He rolled over in his bed and with red swollen eyes looked up at the nurse. "There is nothing wrong with me. Why am I here?"
"Spencer – that is what you need to talk to the doctor about."
With a scowl he pushed up on his elbows and sat up. It was now that it sunk in that he was in hospital pyjamas and so at some point he had been stripped and redressed. He could feel his face going red with anger that this had been done to him.
"Where are my clothes?" He slid his legs out so that his feet were touching the floor.
"Well Spencer." Damn did she have to smile at him like that and keep calling him 'Spencer'? It was really beginning to bug the hell out of him.
"Don't keep doing that." He snapped as he stood groggily from the bed. "And at least find me a robe of some kind to put on."
"No need to get snappy with me Spencer" (there she goes again) "Just come with me and I will show you where to get some breakfast."
Shaking his head and standing his ground now. "I'm sorry, but I don't want breakfast. I want to be discharged and I want to go home and so can you please direct me to the doctor."
Now it was the nurses' turn to scowl. "Spencer, you need to eat breakfast." (she did it again)
"I know what I need and what I don't need and right now I need to see the doctor."
And so that was why Reid was sitting in the doctors room now in his pyjamas with his arms crossed tightly around his chest and his eyes looking far away into nothing.
"Dr Reid – do you mind if I call you Spencer?"
A shrug. "Everyone else does."
"Thank you Spencer. How did you sleep last night?"
A shrug. "That's not what I am here to talk to you about. I want you to discharge me. I don't know why I am here in the first place. There has been some kind of misunderstanding somewhere."
The doctor smiled and rested his hands on the desk. "I see. I think your superior asked us to look after you for a few days or so. To see where you are at before returning to work."
"To see where I am at? What is that meant to mean. There is nothing wrong with me. I would like to discharge myself please."
"I'm sorry Spencer I'm not able to do that until we have unravelled some of the things we need to talk about."
Pinching now at his sides again and digging in his fingernails. "I really don't know what you are talking about."
"Talking to yourself."
"Everyone does that sometimes."
"Days which you don't seem to be able to account for."
Silence.
"A new friend whose name you don't seem to know."
"I know his name."
"And would you like to share that with me?"
'No you wouldn't.'
Spencer's eyes went wide and he was about to slap his hands over his ears again but he just sat and stared and slowly shook his head. His fingers digging in deeper into his skin.
"Where were you during that missing day Spencer?"
"I- I really – what missing day?"
'Bloody idiot. I can see I will have to come and bail you out of there wont I?'
"No – no don't it's alright – I have this under control." He looked up at the doctor. "I erm….." pinching hard again.
'Get up and leave the room. Shit Spencer – just leave…don't talk to anyone.'
Slowly Reid got to his feet. "I'm erm leaving. Where are my clothes?"
'Just get out of the damned room.'
"I am!" looking at the doctor. "I need my things now."
'Spence – walk out of the room.'
And now his hands went to his ears as he turned to leave the room…"Stop it – just stop the voice! You are confusing me!"
He left at a run, banging off the door frame and letting out a small yelp as his hip caught the edge.
'Calm down Spence.'
"Shut up! Stop it!"
Reid ran to the lounge and suddenly stopped as he looked up and saw everyone staring back at him.
"Spencer?" A voice from behind him and a few big looking orderlies.
"Just leave me alone! There is nothing wrong with me!" He was backing away from the men who were approaching fast.
"Come with us Spencer. We can help you."
'Get away from them Spencer.'
"GET OUT OF MY HEAD!"
"It's alright Spencer. No one will hurt you."
'They're gonna drug you Spence. Fight them off babes.'
And now Reid's back was against the wall.
'Now what are you gonna do? They have you now.'
"Come with us Spencer." Hands reaching out for him and pulling him.
'Fight Spence – or they'll stick you with needles.'
They pulled a howling kicking Reid to the floor. One of the orderlies was caught squarely under the jaw and sent reeling back against a chair. A fist got another in the kidneys, but now there were more arriving and the more he kicked and shouted and fought them off the more arrived and the less he was able to do. Eventually he was laying on his back wriggling with six orderlies holding him down.
'You did good babes.'
"Please don't." His voice was hoarse from the shouting. "Please – there is nothing wrong with me."
'Well done babes.'
'You managed to fuck that up good and proper.'
He was still writing and bucking under the orderlies when the doctor arrived with a needle full of tranquillisers and stuck it in Spencer's thigh.
-o-o-o-
He had already decided that he would move in soon and get Reid out of the place. Firstly he had to make it a situation worth rescuing from.
Floyd sat back and looked at the situation through Spencer's eyes. He seemed a bit distressed. As long as he realised that this was all Rossi's doing then this was going to work out well.
He just needed to implant that idea a bit more firmly into Spencer's mind.
Floyd lay back on the big bed and pulled out a small twist of cellophane with a grey powder inside. He placed a pinch of it on his thumb nail and inhaled it deeply.
He looked up at the canopy and smiled a big toothy smile.
"Sleep well babes. Tomorrow I will come and get you. Just don't forget who it was who put you in there. Rossi and Hotchner. You can't trust them. They want you locked up – but I'll look after you Spence. You will be safe with me. I will just need to go through the rules with you first – but you will be ok with a few rules wont you? Sure you will babes. Rules will make you feel secure and happy."
-o-o-o-
How could it get worse?
Spencer knew that there was nothing wrong with him, but something seemed to be going very wrong.
Now he was sitting in a chair in the lounge staring at the wall. He didn't have the energy or the motivation to do anything else. The voice had stopped for now but so had everything else. The only thing Spencer could really concentrate on was the buzzing of the overhead lighting.
People walked past him and sometimes they seemed normal and sometimes they seemed to be in slow motion.
Sometimes they looked normal and sometimes their heads looked too big or too small for their bodies.
Occasionally he was spoken to, but his head wouldn't turn to look at who it was and his mouth wouldn't make a noise and talk back and so after a few tries he gave up and just sat and stared and let things happen.
"Spencer."
Again he was being talked to.
"Spencer can you look at me please?"
No he couldn't look at who ever this was.
"Spencer? Can you hear me? Please look at me."
Yes he could hear, but his eyes were looking at that special place on the wall and that was where they were going to stay.
Someone moved over his field of vision and crouched down in front of him.
"Spencer." And someone had taken his hand and was holding it. "I wondered if you would like to come down to the washrooms and have a shower."
Reid didn't blink but he pulled his hand away from this person.
"I really think it would help you if you had a nice wash and changed your clothes. I will get you something more comfortable to wear."
His eyes flicked in the direction of the voice and he nodded slowly. Reid had no idea how long he had been in this place for. Again he seemed to have chunks of days missing. He had no idea if it was whole days or part days – whether minutes or hours – and a conversation his father often had with his mother. 'What day is it?' Spencer didn't even know what month it was right now.
He felt this person take his other hand and start to pull him up from the chair he was squished into. His legs felt wobbly and his head span as his eyes decided to lose focus. He could feel other hands on him now as slowly he was moved forwards and out of the room he had been sitting in of some unspecified length of time.
"Come on Spencer. One foot in front of the other."
They helped the confused young man down the corridor towards the showers and washrooms. Why wouldn't they just leave him alone to try to get his head together, to clear whatever drugs they had pumped into him out of his system. He just wanted to lay down. He didn't want a shower and he definitely didn't want one with these strange men.
Spencer tried to pull away from them. He slipped his hand out of the grasp of the man holding him a bit too tightly and he tired to turn around and back away from them.
"It's alright Spencer…It's just a shower. You will feel better afterwards."
Again Reid tried to make his brain respond properly to this and again he was unable to. They dragged him down towards the shower block saying calming words and reassuring him that everything will be alright – but this was far from alright. Though his mind was confused and muddled he knew very well that one of the last things he wanted to do was be stripped by these buff guys and held under hot water and get soaped down.
The choice though it seemed wasn't his to make and if they wanted to shower him that would be what was going to happen. The more he pulled away and tried to escape from them – the harder they held on and the rougher they got.
After being stripped and pushed under the water to wash himself they left him alone. At least – he thought – they gave him some kind of respect and let him wash himself.
He leaned on the wall and let his tired confused body slide down the tiled wall and held the bar of soap in his hand. He stayed crouching on the floor of the shower cubical and turned so he was facing the wall….his forehead resting on the tiles and now the soap dropped and left in the pool of water at his feet.
At least no one could see the tears and no one was there to watch the heaving of the shoulders as he sobbed into the water and if they did see the tears he could say it was the soap. He wrapped is arms tightly around his chest and let his fingers rest on the place where he had been pinching and digging at his skin.
The hand on his back wasn't totally unexpected. He had a damned good idea that something was going to happen. Why wouldn't it? It seemed to be the natural thing to happen next really.
He felt fingers run down his back and he took in a long shuddering breath. He wanted to resist it. Really he did. He wanted to defend himself and tell this person to go away and just let him be in peace – but he couldn't. His body was still too doped up for him to be able to do anything about it.
He waited for the rough hands to start to pull him and start to hurt, but they didn't. At least not yet. He could feel that the soap was being used on his back and now hands running over his skin soaping him and cleaning his tired skin. A hand on the top of his head pulled his head back and with he eyes closed he allowed this person to wash his hair for him. Tears still managed to squeeze their way out from between his tightly closed lids – but if they were noticed – which was unlikely – they were ignored.
A mouth now.
Now Spencer really wanted to cry big wet sobbing tears.
He guessed what was coming next.
And there was nothing he could do about it.
The hot breath on his neck was both exciting and scary. It was immensely good and dirty – and Spencer felt himself responding to it even if on the surface he didn't want this…..it seemed deep down he did.
The mouth was biting on his shoulder now and one hand was holding his chest and pulling him back.
"It's OK babes…I'm here now."
And now Spencer cried deep hard sobs – as the voice in his head talked and the hands and the body behind him worked in unison.
A/N: I will go into further detail in the next chapter – need to sleep!
