The Divorce is the most recent oneshot in the collection. After reading a recent review I have decided that what has been finished of Functional because it isn't complete yet will also be getting a rewrite once Dysfunctional is completed, the oneshots will be fine as they are.
Dysfunctional
Chapter 12: Enter Trent Boyett
Stan hadn't acknowledged Kyle's existence at all since they woke up. They had gotten to the train station at 6:30 but the train didn't leave until two hours later. They had to get there early because the rest of the family had plans for the day.
"How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?" Kyle asked.
Stan shrugged
Kyle was heartened by the fact that Stan had responded, "What do I have to do to get you to act like you normally do with me?"
Stan stood, "C'mon, we'll have this conversation in the bathroom. We'll have more privacy."
Stan whistled cheerily as he unlocked the door to the house and stepped over the threshold with Kyle following suit.
"I can't believe we had sex in a train station bathroom," Stan laughed as Kyle closed the door.
"It was your idea," Kyle shook his head, he hadn't been on board with the idea, but Stan brought out the puppy eyes and said that Kyle needed to make it up to him for not telling him about Garrett, Kyle couldn't say no. He had made sure to top though.
"I know, it was fucking awesome."
Kyle raised an eyebrow as Stan chuckled to himself.
"Get it? Fucking awesome? It's funny because you had your cock up my ass."
Kyle shook his head again, "Tee hee."
Stan was about to say more when he heard a loud pounding on the door. They opened it to find Kenny, Cartman and Butters.
"Oh hey guys," Stan smiled, moving out the way so that they could come in.
"Grab their suitcases," Kenny ordered, "Take them to the bomb shelter."
"Bomb shelter?" Kyle asked, seeming slightly pissed off, "What the fuck is going on?"
"Trent Boyett's back tomorrow!"
Butters screamed.
Kenny sighed, "So we're camping out at Jimbo's bomb shelter."
"Good plan," Stan said, "He won't find us there, remember when Cartman locked Butters in there?"
The other four nodded.
"I don't care how horny you two are," Cartman said, "If you're going to kiss, stop moaning."
"It isn't easy to do that asshole," Kyle replied.
"If you're going to make noises that turn people on," Kenny said, "At least tell us about your sex life, you're so secretive."
"I wonder why," Stan deadpanned
"You know that we won't judge you," Butters said, "Kenny tells us about his and I told you about that time with Red."
"That's different," Kyle frowned, "Our sex is different to yours."
"No different to doing anal with a girl," Cartman shrugged, "At least I don't think it is."
"You guys know that we won't judge you," Kenny said, "We won't think less of you if you like to bottom."
"We switch," Stan said, he was completely at ease with his sexuality and didn't care what people thought. Kyle was the same, there were just things he liked to stay secret.
"Who tops more often?" Kenny asked, very happy at this new information.
"Me," Stan smiled, "Kyle loves my dick."
Kyle blushed and buried his face in his hands, "You didn't have to tell them that."
"Why not?" Stan chuckled as he nuzzled Kyle's neck, "I love your ass."
Kyle groaned in embarrassment and Stan pulled him onto his lap with a laugh.
"Why are you so embarrassed?" Cartman shook his head, "One of you has to bottom and you'd expect it to be the brainiac rather than the football player."
"It's more the idea of spreading details about our sex life," Kyle explained, "And telling people that I love Stan's dick, they don't need to know that."
"Anyone would love Stan's dick," Butters snorted, "We measured them again sometime last year, he has the biggest dick in our grade."
"Nine inches," Kenny whistled, "I think people gained a lot of respect for you, taking that up the ass."
"At least Stan knows that he has to stretch me out," Kyle shook his head, feeling like he needed to get back at Stan for revealing details, "He didn't for our first few times and it hurt like a motherfucker."
"You say it like it was deliberate," Stan scowled.
"I looked online to find out how to stop it hurting."
"You still enjoyed the sex!"
"I never said I didn't!"
"Fellas," Butters said, they both turned to look at him, "Can you guys not fight about this? I don't want it to be like the Sonic vs Mario argument."
"Stan was just wrong that time," Kyle waved dismissively, "Sonic's better."
Stan rolled his eyes, "Whatever, we're not going to fight about sex."
Kyle nodded in agreement.
"Good," Cartman sighed in relief, "That would have been awkward."
"I need to go and get more insulin," Kyle had said on the second night.
"But, Trent Boyett will be out there," Stan replied, his eyes filled with worry.
"I need to get more food," Cartman piped up, "I'll go with him."
Their trip to Stan's and Cartman's houses had been fine, they were passing by City Wok when they heard a voice from an alleyway.
"Hello," Was all the voice said, but Kyle and Cartman knew exactly who it was as they turned to see a boy who was taller than Cartman, had huge bulging biceps covered in tattoos, rings on each finger and wild blond hair, "Nice to see you again."
Kyle and Cartman glanced at each other as Trent advanced on them.
"I'm going to make this hurt," Trent sneered, "You're going to die in agony."
Kyle turned to Cartman, "You go and get help, I'll decoy."
Cartman nodded, knowing that Kyle had the best chance in a fight out of the two of them.
"If I die, tell Stan that I love him," Kyle said as he shooed Cartman away.
That taken care of, Kyle turned to face Trent, refusing to let any fear show on his face.
"Brave of you Broflovski," Trent laughed, "But your friends are going to be one light."
"Bring it asshole."
Trent chuckled before lunging, "Let's tango."
Your butt is wide, well mine is too
Just watch your mouth or I'll sit on you
Stan answered quickly, "Cartman?"
"Stan!" Cartman sounded terrified, "Kyle's taking on Trent by City Wok, you need to get own here and call the police!"
"FUCK!" Stan yelled as he leapt to his feet and sprinted to the ladder leading out of the bomb shelter, "Call the police while I'm my way."
"Stan, you have to get here. We can't let the kike die on us, it won't be the same."
"He won't die. I won't let him."
Kyle dodged out of the way of Trent's lunge. He dodged a second and a third lunge before retaliating, lashing out with his infamous right hook to Trent's jaw. Trent cried out and fell to the ground.
Kyle's short stature and slim build did well to disguise how dangerous he really was, he was definitely one of the toughest in their school. No one wanted to take a punch from Kyle Broflovski.
Kyle's triumph was short-lived because he saw Trent lunging at him in the corner of his eye. He should have known to not let his guard down, he was losing his disaprin.
Trent's fist connected with the side of his face and sent him sprawling across the alley, landing next to a nearby dumpster, he rolled out of the way of Trent's next attack, straightening his ushanka as he did so. Kyle lashed with a two-footed kick that caught Trent in the gut, giving him time to stand and regain his distance.
"You don't actually thing you can take me out this easy," Trent snickered, "Do you?"
"I was hoping not," Kyle replied, "Then I'd look like a retard for being scared."
Kyle dodged as Trent lunged again, this was too easy.
Or so he thought.
Trent thrust an arm out as Kyle dodged, knocking him off balance. Trent followed up with a one-two punch combo to his face and gut.
"LEAVE THE KIKE ALONE!"
Kyle looked to see Cartman lung at Trent only to be tossed aside like he was made of Styrofoam. Kyle used this distraction to catch Trent in the side of the jaw. Trent kept his balance and used his next hit to send Kyle flying into Cartman. Cartman was knocked out by the impact, but Kyle stood, pain shooting through his right shoulder.
"Up for more?" Trent laughed, "I didn't think you guys were this stupid."
"I won't back down to assholes who won't let go of the past."
"I will kill the fatass, then I'll kill the whore, then I'll kill the pussy, then I'll kill the ass-ramming jock and force you to watch it all and let you walk free, so you'll be alone, driven insane."
Threatening his friends was bad enough, but when he threatened Stan, something snapped inside Kyle. The Jersey Boi inside him reared its ugly head and he cried out as he rushed at Trent, launching an onslaught of punches and kicks at the ex-convict as he saw red. Trent seized the moment when he let his guard down and swept his leg. He grabbed the redhead by his feet as swung him into the side of the dumpster, Kyle struck his head on the corner of it and was pinned up against the wall.
He was barely conscious when Trent pressed a switchblade to his throat.
