Weeks passed, and my life just kept getting worse and worse. Manny never forgave me, my friends thought I was a slut, Mom and Snake's relationship was rocky, my relationship with them was rocky, my grades were slipping, I had to deal with Alex, and then the whole secret relationship with Jay thing was just the cherry on top of the my-life-sucks-sundae. It was getting to be too much. I was so stressed out, and I didn't feel like I had any control over my life. I went to the ravine a lot lately too. Just to try to drink my problems away. I also started eating less, because alcohol has a lot of calories, and I was drinking it, a lot.

I was getting ready for school one morning, and nothing seemed to fit. It was all too big, but I didn't care, and I don't think anyone else did either. So I decided on a pair of sweats that I tied really tight, and a hoodie to put over a plain t-shirt. Even if it was May, I was freezing.

I finally got to school a good ten minutes late, but I really just didn't care anymore.

"Hey Slutpeace!" Oh great, Alex came to brighten my day. Just what I needed.

"What do you want Alex?" I asked tiredly, I did not have the energy to put up with this.

"Oops, look, litter." She said as she balled up a piece of notebook paper and threw it at me, just like last year.

"Alex, what the fuck is your problem?!"

"Oh no, perfect, sluty, Emma used a bad word." She taunted in a baby voice.

"Alex, go to hell." I flipped her off as I went inside.

The rest of the day went by really slowly, and all the stares, whispers, and names, didn't make it go by any faster. Finally, it was lunch time, and I met Jay behind the school for our daily make-out session.

"Hey." He said coolly coming up to me.

"Hey." I said with no enthusiasm.

"What's wrong?" he questioned as he lifted up my chin.

"everything." I started to cry into his chest, and he held me there. I just couldn't handle all the stress anymore.

"Em, come on, It'll be okay." He tried to reassure me.

""No, no it won't Jay! I can't do this! It's too much!" I was now pacing back and forth in the alley.

"Emma, don't say that."

"Jay! I-I-" Something was wrong. My heart was racing, and I couldn't breathe.

"Emma?" Jay looked scared.

"Jay-I-help." I was bent over clutching my chest, dying for air.

"Oh God."

Jay picked me up, and ran me over to his civic, so he could drive me to the hospital.

I was lying there in a hospital bed, with an IV and breathing tube. I was terrified, I had no idea what was going on. Then Jay walked in.

"Jay" I said with tears in my eyes. "What's happening?"

"They said you had a panic attack, Em." He walked over to the bed and laid a hand on mine. "You had me really scared back there."

I was too, I'm sorry. But, am I alright then, it was just a panic attack?"

"Yeah, they said it was brought on by stress."

"Jay, I am really sorry." I started crying now.

"No Em, it's not your fault, I'm sorry. I shouldn't be putting you through this. It's not fair."

"Then, what does this mean?" I asked him with a sense of dread building up inside me.

"Maybe we just shouldn't do this anymore…" Jay suggested without taking his eyes off the floor.

"What?! No, jay, I love you!" I covered my mouth as soon as I said it, realizing what I had just done.

"You what?" I was trying to sink into my pillow now, willing myself to disappear.

"Nothing." I mumbled, defeated.

"Em, I-I-I have to go. Your mom's on her way."

And so with that, jay left me there, crying in a hospital bed, heartbroken. I hated him at that moment, but couldn't need him anymore than I did right then either.