A/N:While I enjoyed writing the previous chapter, this one was a real blast. Hope you enjoy.
Chapter 12: I Will Have Neither
Mourmelon le Grand, 13th December, 1944
Sarah strode across to the mess tent with purpose. After a restless night of thinking, she had made a decision and she was going to stick to it.
It's not that she had regrets, far from it. She loved them both, and she wanted them both in her life. But it wasn't fair on any of them.
I will have neither.
Surprisingly, despite the internal heartache, her head was clear and focused. Eventually, they'd forget.
I am here to do a job.
She held her head high and kept her shoulders back.
I will do my job.
Last night, she remembered her oath. That she is an officer, charged with a duty. That she swore to faithfully serve.
A leader puts themselves last. I am not here for myself.
With a deep breath, she walked into the mess tent. "Heey, Lieutenant Price."
"Morning Guarnere. You givin' em hell?"
"Always Ma'am. I heard yous went to Paris. How was it?"
Amazing. "Relaxing. Just what I needed. Not sure if you noticed but I was starting to act a wee bit off the track."
"Well, at least yous not a base rat like our new Lieutenant."
She stepped in behind him, food getting slopped onto her tray as they shuffled down the line. "Yeah I noticed. Bit of a worry."
"Tell me about it."
They got to the end of the line. "Guess we'll see how he goes today, eh?"
Guarnere turned to her. "Don't hold your breath." He then promptly walked over to the table with the Easy men. As she stepped off towards her troopers, she nodded towards Bull and Luz.
Arriving at her table, she let out a cheery greeting. "Morning boys." She sat down next to the troopers. "All set for the ex today?"
They nodded. "Should be interesting though," Mouse added.
Tell me about it. She nodded towards them knowingly. "We just need to concentrate on our job, what is in our control, and do our best with everything else."
"What about the Easy boys?"
"I know. But we need to take care of ourselves first, or else when the real thing rolls around we'll all end up dead." She took a bite of her food. "Besides, I'm sure Captain Winters will keep a close eye on things, you know he won't be able to help himself. With any luck Dike will..."
Mouse coughed and Sarah turned her head to her left.
"Lieutenant Dike."
"Lieutenant Price. I trust you've sorted out your equipment for today."
What the hell? What does he think I am, a quartermaster? "My men are capable of sorting out their own equipment."
"I just want to make sure it all goes to plan."
"With all due respect, Lieutenant Dike, nothing goes according to plan. However, you can rest assured that we will successfully carry out our objective."
"I'm not sure the level of training you've had, Lieutenant Price, but planning is the most important part of war. If you do not carry a plan out to the letter, then it is impossible to complete your objective." My time on the battlefield trumps your time in the classroom, asshole.
She could feel her blood boiling. "I appreciate the concern. But you just worry about Easy, Lieutenant Dike. Enjoy your breakfast." She turned back towards the men and continued eating. After a few seconds she heard Dike's footsteps lead him away from the table.
"What a prick." Sarah looked up to see Roo, and she smiled. "Glad you could make it, Sergeant Clarke." Glad you are talking to me.
"Ah, wouldn't miss this for the world, Lieutenant Price. Green fields and the smell of weapons discharge? Bliss."
Mouse snorted. "You're a crazy bastard, you know that Roo?"
The men all laughed. "Why do you think he was chosen to be your Sergeant, Mouse?" Sarah replied between the laughter. She shuffled over and patted the place next to her. "Warmed up a spot for you Roo."
He sat down next to her. "To be fair, that ass of yours is big enough to have warmed up both of our spots."
They all started laughing loudly, so loudly, that the other in the mess tent turned to look at what all the fuss was about. "You cheeky shit."
"That's why you love me."
I will have neither.
The men were still laughing, but she knew that her face was now reflecting the seriousness she could see in Roos. I am here to do a job.
She leaned in to his ear, and whispered, "Let's talk later." He nodded, and then they focused in on finishing their breakfast, and mentally preparing for the day ahead.
I will do my job.
Looking up from her plate, she caught Dick's eye. Her heart pounded.
I am not here for myself.
Damn Nix. Dick had been waiting in his office for thirty minutes for Lew to send through the intelligence paperwork for his section of the exercise. Once again, Lew was late. Surprisingly, Dick wasn't able to find him in his cot. This meant one thing. Nix got hungry.
Dick figured that although he'd have his breakfast, it was at least an opportunity to get out of that stuffy office, and maybe come coffee. And maybe see Sarah.
Despite his conversation with Nix the other night, he said felt like there was a barrier there. Something she was holding back, or keeping from him, or well... dammit something. He wanted to grab her and shake her by the shoulders.
But who was he kidding? He was head over heels. He might feel confident and calm and collected when commanding a battlefield, but she made him feel powerful and strong. Invincible.
He walked into the mess tent and spotted Nix, looking a little worse for wear, sitting on a table with Harry. Harry looked up and motioned toward Nix, rolling his eyes. Hungover. God damn Nix.
Sitting next to Harry, he put his elbow on the table and leaned forward. "You forget to bring something to me Nix?"
"Christ Dick, it's too early in the morning for this."
"You know what, you're absolutely right." Nix raised his eyebrow. "But what do I say at 0900 when I have to pass everything on to Colonel Sink?"
"Hmph."
"Yeah, thought so. Bring it over when you've finished."
As he stood, a wave of laughter erupted from a few tables away. Looking over he saw Sarah lean in to Sergeant Clarke. He could feel his heart pounding. It's nothing.
"Christ, do they need to be so loud?" Nix moaned, cutting through the laughter.
Dick turned to him. "You're in the wrong place if you want peace and quiet."
"Lord, I've had about enough of your self-righteousness this morning Dick." Someone is grumpy. Must be a bad one.
"It's a good thing you're not a religious man, Nix," Harry said. "'Cause you're sure as hell taking his name in vain a lot today.
"Et tu, brute?"
Dick snorted. "0900 Lew. Don't be late." Walking out of the tent, he cast his eye over to Sarah. It's nothing.
It was a bitterly cold morning. She hadn't appreciated just how crisp it was until her fireteam had taken their position along the bush line. A small plume of steam formed in front of her face when she exhaled. Hopefully that doesn't reveal our position, she chuckled to herself.
"Lieutenant?"
"Yes Corporal Cote?"
"We've spotted the enemy. 600 yards nor'west."
Sarah eased into her Emily, and butted it against her shoulder. There.
"Not exactly making an effort to conceal themselves, are they?" Seems odd. She scanned the horizon. There is something more to this. All of a sudden she stopped. "There, about 20 yards to the right of your original position Corporal, you see it?"
A few seconds past. "Clever bastards."
"They're setting us up." She looked up from the scope. "Make a note of everything you see. Quantity, type, location. You've got two minutes, then radio it in."
She checked her watch. 1325. Ahead of time.
"We're just too good boys."
"Scan complete Lieutenant. Radioing Easy now."
Sarah smiled and relaxed back into her Emily. The trusty rifle fitting every curve of her body, fitting snugly into her shoulder...
...What the hell? "Corporal, can you confirm Easy's location?"
"Shit, Lieutenant they're on the move."
She checked her watch again. 1329. "What the hell is he thinking? Corporal, radio."
"Easy company, this is fireteam alpha, what the hell do you think you are doing?"
"This is Lieutenant Dike, you were late."
"Bullshit we were! You're sending your men into an ambush! Standby for further details."
"Negative, Lieutenant Price, the manoeuvre is underway as planned."
"Dike, if you do this you will be sending men to their death."
No answer.
"Lieutenant Dike!?"
No answer.
You bloody bastard. "Shit." We can't do anything from here. But we have to try. "Get your gear together, we're on the move."
"But Lieutenant, what was all that talk this morning about concentrating on our own job?"
"We completed our objective. Now it's time to do our best by Easy." She smirked. "Besides, things never go to plan, remember?"
She slung her rifle over her shoulder. "Cote, I'll take point. Williams, the rear."
They moved quickly, weighed down only by the essentials. Moving along the bush line, she knelt and called the team to a halt. She went into prone position and looked out from under the bush. Walking straight into it.
She motioned to the boys and they continued around the flank to the Matilda. She noticed the turret was open, and that both the Loader and Gunner were standing to the side of the tank. Morons.
The tank was largely isolated from the remainder of the enemy party, due to their efforts to conceal it. However, just 20 yards ahead the bulk of the enemy party stood, rifles trained on the incoming Easy company.
She signalled to the boys to halt. Turning, she broke the silence and whispered just loud enough for her voice to be audible. "Let's teach 'em a lesson." Signalling again, she ordered them to go forward and silently take out the two on the outside. As was customary in an exercise, they lay face down in the dirt.
Crouching, she moved out into the open. Nodding to her team, they covered her from the flank as she climbed to the top of the turret, and knocked on the side. Hearing movement, she pulled out her side arm and crouched as she saw a head pop up. She pushed the muzzle into his chest and mouthed the word "bang."
The Commander's face admitted defeat, and he ducked back into the tank silently. She dropped in behind him, into the cramped quarters of the tank. "What's taking them so long chum?" the Driver asked, his back to her.
She aimed her pistol into the back of his head. "They're a little busy." She said in a low voice.
"Oh bugger. Well," the Driver turned. "Am I dead, or what?"
"Sure are."
She popped her head out of the turret and signalled her success to Cote and Williams. Quickly they both moved to opposing positions on the flank of the Matilda. Dropping back inside, she sat down at the driver's seat. Back to basics, Price.
She peered into the optics and moved the main gun into position. Time to make a point.
"Nice working with you boys." She nodded to the Brits and popped her head back up out of the turret to see Easy company surrendered. She whistled loudly and they turned towards her.
"Bang."
Back in headquarters, Sarah was standing at attention in front of Captain Ryan and Colonel Sink. And Ryan was in full swing.
"What on earth were you thinking, Lieutenant Price."
"Sir, they were walking into an easily avoidable situation. Had Lieutenant Dike actually followed his orders..."
"Never mind Lieutenant Dike! What about your orders? They were clear. You've made a mockery of this training exercise."
"Sir..."
"Did I give you permission to speak?" She quietly shut her mouth.
Ryan continued, "You know damn well that kind of bravado would never have worked against the Krauts. First of all, the plan itself would never have worked because the Krauts would never: one," he raised a finger, "leave their armour unprotected."
"Two," second finger, "be stupid enough to be outside the damn thing with the turret wide open."
"And three," third finger, "you would've broken operational silence by shooting the damn commander!"
She could feel the red on her face forming from anger and embarrassment. She opened her mouth to protest, but caught a twinkle in Ryan's eye. Right, so this is just a show for Sink.
"Permission to speak, Sir?"
"Granted."
"Sir, you'd be right about the first two. But that third one." She could see the grin forming on his face. "To be fair, instead of shooting I would've broken his neck instead. Much quieter."
"Don't push me Lieutenant." The grin was well formed on his face now. Good thing Colonel Sink is behind him. "Dismissed."
"Sir." She stood to attention, saluted, and marched out the door. Carrying on down the hall, she heard Dick call out to her.
"Lieutenant Price, a word." Bugger.
She walked into the office and saw Zielinski there. She stood at attention and saluted. "Sir."
Dick motioned for his aide to leave. Once the door was closed, a smirk broke out onto his face. "Quite the show you put on this morning, I hear."
"Word gets around quick."
"It's all the men are talking about. They're quite impressed."
She sighed and scratched her head. "Look, I know it was a stupid move, and I sure as hell wouldn't do it in an actual battle situation," at least I think I wouldn't, "but did you hear about Lieutenant Dike?"
"Bits and pieces, but I can't make much sense of it to be honest."
"Dick, he effectively killed the whole damn company. We were on time, no," she corrected herself, "we were ahead of time, and he refused to listen to our recon report. According to him, we were late and so somehow that meant because 'we weren't operating according to plan' that he could ignore us completely, and send Easy to their death!"
"You're exaggerating."
"No Dick, I'm really not."
He came around and stood by her staring intently. Please don't, please don't.
"That man is going to kill your men."
I will have neither. He leaned into her.
"Dick. Listen to me." He stopped.
I am here to do a job.
She put her hand on his chest. "I'm only ever going to say this to you once. That man should not be in any position where he could put people's lives at risk. He cannot function if things don't go according to plan."
I will do my job.
"Don't say I didn't warn you."
I am not here for myself.
Mourmelon le Grand, 15th December, 1944
Sarah was officially the talk of the 101st. While most recognised how ridiculous the whole affair was, she had gained the respect of another group of men. On top of that, she'd been taken aside by numerous Easy NCOs, with what was (to her) over-the-top thanks for coming to their aid when they were going to be made into 'fucking mince meat' (according to Guarnere).
She tried to tell them that it was just a training exercise, that she didn't really save any lives (and if it was an actual battle situation there was essentially no hope in hell), and it really wasn't as big of a deal as they kept making out. But they kept insisting.
What really took her aback was when the notorious Lieutenant Speirs cornering her last night as she walked across to her cot.
"Lieutenant Price."
She stopped, his looming figure stepping out of the darkness.
"Lieutenant Speirs. What can I do you for?"
He smiled. "I heard what you did for Easy yesterday."
"I hardly did anything."
"Whatever."
She stayed silent.
"It shows a lot about your character." He nodded his head at her. "Take it easy."
And with that, he slipped back into the shadows, leaving Sarah with her mouth gaping open in shock.
Her thoughts were interrupted. "How's the new Easy company mascot?" Roo.
"She is confused as to what she's done to deserve such an honour."
He sat down next to her. "Seriously Saz?"
Pulling her knees to her chest, she answered. "I honestly don't get it."
"Saz, you are so blind sometimes." She frowned at him. What know? "You publicly declared that you are willing to do anything for Easy, including putting your own life on the line. That's a big deal for someone not even in their company."
Right. "Okay well I guess that makes sense. That wasn't the intention though." She drifted into thought.
"It never is with you." What's he getting at? That I was blind to him? Suddenly she felt his hand on her knee. "What was that the other night?"
I did say we needed to talk.
"I..."
"Did you mean what you said?"
"I meant all of it." I love you both.
"What does it all mean?"
She could feel herself choking back the tears. "Christ. Roo," she turned to him, "Without you, my spirit would evaporate into thin air. I'd cease to be the person I am. I do love you."
He squeezed her knee. "But...?"
"You are my best friend. I'll give you the love I can, but I can't give you the love you want."
He sighed, his hand slipping off her knee. "I knew that was coming. I could tell there was more to that visit that an unconditional declaration of love."
She felt an air of sadness wash over them. "I wish I could give you want you want," she whispered into the air, barely audible. She reached over and squeezed his hand. "You are amazing, you know that? I treat you so terribly, and stuff you around, and yet here you are. Still by my side."
Turning to her, he put his hand out and cupped her cheek. "Saz, you're the only woman I'm ever going to love. But I'm not a chump. I'd rather have you as my best friend and live with the ache than not have you in my life at all."
"You're going to make a girl very happy one day," she said, letting his hand go.
What have I done to deserve you?
Roo could see that she was deep in thought, her cocked head and furrowed eyebrow giving her away. He put his hand on her knee, and took a deep breath. "What was with the other night?" Please tell me you love me.
"Did you mean what you said?"
"I meant all of it," she answered, staring into the distance. So she loves me.
And him.
"What does it all mean?" Please.
He could see she was getting upset. The blood was pounding in his ears. He barely caught what she was saying until she turned to him. "Without you, my spirit would evaporate into thin air. I'd cease to be the person I am. I do love you."
The tone of her voice, the distance of her touch, the sadness in her eyes: this told him what he dreaded to know, but he had to ask. He squeezed her knee. "But...?" It's happening again.
"You are my best friend. I'll give you the love I can, but I can't give you the love you want."
He felt like his heart had been crushed. He knew this feeling; his brain pulled down into his stomach. "I knew that was coming. I could tell there was more to that visit that an unconditional declaration of love." You knew, deep down, that it wasn't what you were hoping.
He couldn't hear what she was saying, the blood once again drowning out her voice. Don't lose her. He reached out and cupped her cheek, desperately wanting to pull her close but knowing to do so would mean the end of their relationship. Be honest with her. "Saz, you're the only woman I'm ever going to love. But I'm not a chump. I'd rather have you as my best friend and live with the ache than not have you in my life at all."
I can't lose you.
He didn't hear the rest.
Mourmelon le Grand, 16th December, 1944
It had been one hell of a few days. Paris. Dick. That night. Roo. That kiss. Training exercise. Dike. That fucking tank. And then yesterday evening. Roo. She was happy that they'd been honest. Things might still be awkward, but they were better. I have my friend back.
Knock knock.
- "Why look, it's Lieutenant Price, Easy Company mascot."
She looked up from her typewriter. "Lew. What do you want?"
"What kind of welcome is that, Lieutenant?"
"Oh, I am so sorry." She put down her pen, stood up, and saluted. "Lieutenant Nixon, to whom do I owe the honour of your illustrious company?"
He raised his eyebrow at her. "The amount of sarcasm dripping from your lips is quite astounding." He sat down on the chair in front of her desk. "Makes a change from how, ah, professional you've been lately."
"And?"
"I miss you is all. And Harry. And Dick. Where have you been?"
I miss you all too.
She sat down and fixed her eyes on him. "I've been busy. See, there's this guy called Hitler, not sure if you've heard of him before? Anyway, turns out he's a real asshole and doesn't want me to go home for Christmas. It ties up a lot of my time."
"Stop avoiding the question, Sarah. You're avoiding Dick."
"Not quite."
"Bullshit."
She stared at him. How honest to be?
"Oh come on," he said, clearly exasperated. His voice got louder. "Grow up Sarah. Stop avoiding the question, and start telling me why you are avoiding Dick. Shit, all of us even."
"Grow up?" She immediately felt the heat rise up her neck and slowly creep into her face. "Are you serious!?" She placed her palms on the desk and leaned forward. "And why? You should damn well know after you forced me to spill the other night!"
"From memory I told you to how to get your answer, and it wasn't to run away and hide in your office all damn day."
"Yeah, well, I got an answer, Lew." She quietened down and started shuffling her papers, avoiding his gaze. "The problem is that it doesn't solve anything."
"Well that makes no sense. How can getting your answer not tell you how you feel?"
"I didn't get the answer, Lew. I got an answer."
"Well, what is it?"
What is it? She stopped avoiding his gaze, lifted her chin and shot a piercing look at him. "James Clarke is my spirit. Dick Winters is my soul."
He meet her gaze and stared at her silently, but intently. Then he nodded. "Tough break, kid."
Together they sat silently in the office. Then he spoke. "You still haven't told me why you are avoiding Dick."
She scratched her head. "Well, for starters it's not like I'm avoiding him as such..."
He quickly interrupted her. "Sure, but all of a sudden it's just about the job, and nothing else."
"Fine Lew, you want honesty?" She opened her drawer and pulled out a bottle of VAT69, and a couple of glasses. "Chances are if I somehow manage to make it back home, it's going to be because of the big sleep. And that's if I'm one of the lucky ones that at least manages to hold on until I get to a field hospital."
She poured the whisky into the glasses.
"...you don't know that."
"Cut the crap Lew. I'm in Special Forces. The fact I've made it this far is a miracle in and of itself and you know it." She handed him a glass. "To the enemy," she toasted.
"To the enemy." He clinked his glass with hers and had a sip. "I don't understand what this has to do with Dick."
They sat silently again. What does it have to do with him? Everything. "I love him, Lew." He looked at her, no look of surprise crossing his face. Is it that obvious? "But it doesn't matter, because whatever happens in this godforsaken war, I'll hurt him. If I just keep it on the level then when it is all over..." When I die. "...I'll quickly be forgotten."
She could feel the tears start to stream down her face.
"You underestimate how much Dick loves you, Sarah."
"I know."
"You need to tell him."
"I know."
All of a sudden Lew appeared in front of her. "Come here kid." He embraced her warmly. After a few minutes, he let her go.
She looked at him. "It's just so complicated," she whispered.
"You're wrong, Sarah. Love is the simplest thing of all. It's this goddamn war that's complicated. Look," he grabbed by her shoulders. "Just tell him the truth. Tell him what you just told me. Fate will take care of the rest."
Mourmelon le Grand, 17th December, 1944
When Sarah heard that they were showing a film that night, she was immediately excited. It was still such a novelty to her. How odd, she asked herself, that I have seen more films while at war than the rest of my life? Her next thought was to go find Dick, so they could see it together. Mentally she hit herself as soon as the thought had crystallised. Not only was it a terrible idea to be seen together in front of the men, but she still hadn't summed up the courage to speak with him about how she was feeling.
So instead, she had waltzed down to the hall with none other than Sergeant Muck. She had gone to find Malarkey, but instead wound up loaning him 50 bucks to cover a craps loss. Malarkey had attempted to insist she go with him for 'goodluck', but in the end, John Wayne and Marlene Dietrich won out. So she (literally) kissed the money goodbye, and then Skip took her by the arm and escorted her down to the hall.
She was glued to the film then entire time. She found herself getting swept up in the fantasy: "I wonder what I would look like with curls?", "what a pretty dress" and other assorted feminine thoughts, that if she had spoken allowed would have elicited some interesting looks and comments.
The only time she was distracted was because of Luz, bless him, who provided additional entertainment throughout the film with his commentary. The men, however, were less than amused (they were clearly serious film goers). She couldn't help but laugh every now again, which seemed to just goad Luz into being more loud and obnoxious.
"Look at me, I'm John Wayne. The costume department set me up with these navy whites, whaddya think?" He turned and winked at Sarah.
Toye and Lip turned around, looking like they were about to bop him. "Shut up," "I'm trying to watch this."
She couldn't hear what Luz replied, but it didn't seem to satisfy Lip. "Well I haven't so shut up."
All of a sudden, in a rush of excitement, Malarkey came storming in (attracting more annoyed looks from Toye and Lip) and planted himself next to them. "Hey guys, where you been I've been looking all over for you."
Skip beat her to the reply. "Well Don, I was at home in Tonawanda but Hitler started this whole thing so now I'm here." She noticed Malarkey was fidgeting, and a smile was broad across his mouth.
"How'd you go in the craps?" She asked him, suspicious of the glee radiating off him.
"Not so bad. Here's the 60 bucks I borrowed, Skip." He handed over cash to Skip, "and the 50 bucks I borrowed from you, Saz."
Skip looked puzzled. "You're paying us back?" He looked up to Sarah, and then down to the money, and then back to Malarkey."
"And..."
Sarah let out a low whistle as Malarkey waved a wad of cash around. "Jesus," Skip added.
"I was up 6 grand but ended up with 36 hundred." A raft of curses and shushes were thrown in the direction of Malarkey. As she cringed she saw movement out of the corner of her eye. Turning, she saw it was Dick, coming in to enjoy the film. He stopped for a moment, a grin forming on his face, before proceeding to sit behind Buck.
She turned away and looked at the film, a smile firmly planted on her face. In turning she saw that George Luz was staring at her knowingly. He raised his eyebrow and puckered up his lips to her. She leaned in to him (by this point the look on his face turned to surprise) and then gave him a small slap. He jolted back unexpectedly, crying out "shit" as he lost his balance on the chair.
Sarah laughed quietly and shrugged at him. He turned back around, and started reciting the film again. "Got a penny?" He got louder. "Got a penny?" And again. "Got a penny?"
She kicked the back of the chair, but at the same time the lights all turned on and the film off. Luz spun around, "what did you do?"
"Me, nothing!"
Sarah saw uniforms marching past her in the aisle. She looked at Dick, who's stoic face revealed nothing. He shook his head, confirming it. What's this all about?
"Quiet. I said be quiet! Elements of the 1st and the 6th SS Panzer Division have broken through in the Ardennes forest. Now they've overrun the 28th Infantry and elements of the 4th. All officers report to respective HQs, all passes are cancelled."
The room broke out into more noises at the cancelled passes (although she knew deep down it was more than that). She didn't listen to much else after that. Skip patted her on the shoulder as he got up. "You coming?"
"No, not yet." She smiled at him.
"Alright, be seeing you Lieutenant."
"You too, Sergeant."
The room quickly emptied, and she found herself sitting alone. Her feet felt as heavy as stone. It didn't make sense that they'd be going with Easy. Protecting the lines wasn't something that they would be spending their time on. I doubt we'll be going with them. She stood up, deep in thought, and met the searching eyes of Dick Winters.
She slowly walked to him. With Buck having walked past, the room was now empty. Time seemed to slow down as her heart tried to leap out of her chest. Tell him the truth. She stood close to him, not daring to touch him.
What is the truth?
She squeezed his hand. "I'm scared, Dick," she admitted. "I don't want to lose you."
"You won't."
"Maybe we should just..." she swallowed.
"No." He seemed to read her mind. "We shouldn't."
"I don't want to hurt you."
"Sarah, just do me a favour, and stop letting your head complicate everything."
That got her attention. He promptly kissed her, just softly, but it was long and full of promise, full of hope.
The words that they were both too scared to say, stayed silent, instead left to radiate through their bodies.
I love you.
She's a pretty long chapter, but this seemed to be the best fit to end it.
Reviews are love xx
