Disclaimer: Nuh uh, still don't own Harry Potter. –sigh- Life's kinda boring when you don't, isn't it?

A/N: THANKS FOR ALL THE REVIEWS! I was surprised. To be honest, the most reviews I thought I would ever get would be ten, haha. I'm very grateful :) And Remus's decision was that he was afraid the next time students got attacked, he'd be too sick to do anything about it. That's basically it.

Meaning of the Lilyflower

Chapter 12: Fascination

Lily swirled circles in her palm with her tickling fingertips. "I was so stupid."

"I was stupider," Frank answered simply, more to himself than anyone else in the room.

"All the things I said."

"All the things I didn't say."

"The way I acted."

"The way I should've acted."

"How I was blind in my eyes."

"How I was deaf to her words."

"Oh, why did I have to screw up?"

"Why is love so complicated?"

"There's nothing I can do."

"It seems over, atleast."

"You stupid git, James."

Frank cocked his head and stared at Lily with hollow eyes. "James? I was talking about Alice."

"Alice?" Lily was puzzled. It had been two weeks since her fight with James, and two brutal weeks they were. No taunts, pokes, or conversations with her. He split up their nightly patrols and gave her the cold shoulder when the opportunity struck. It was absolutely torturing Lily, not talking to James. He had become a part of her life now, a part that she didn't want to give up. And the wound was still raw.

Frank blushed intensely, trying to hide his burning face from Lily's gaze. "Yeah, Alice."

"Do you… like her?" Excitement filled Lily. If she couldn't have her happily ever after, maybe her best friends could.

"I think it's more like love," Frank responded hastily, desperately trying to avert the topic away from him by saying, "What about James? You like him, don't you?"

"Don't change the subject. You love Alice?"

"Yes, yes, all right, I admit it." Frank buried his face in his hands, shielding it from this major embarrassment that was coming. "But everything's screwed up now."

"Why?"

Frank stared at Lily as if she was dumb. "Why? Did you not witness that fight two weeks ago? Do you not realize you've been spending half your time with Alice and half with me, but never together? Do you realize she's never returned the feelings?"

Lily nodded her head. Yes, she did realize that Alice would refuse to be within a ten-foot proximity of Frank. But usually, fights like this would blow over time to time. This one seemed to strike at the nerve in Alice. Tensions seemed to be stirring up in huffs and furies, and it wasn't even the end of September yet.

The end of September. It scared Lily intensely. Not only was the Back to School Ball coming up, but also the bet, that grand lily bet, was coming closer to a close every day. And if Lily didn't admit her feelings soon, James would lose and he would never speak to her again. But he didn't seem like a person to go back on his word, so Lily knew she had to do something soon.

"Yeah, I have, but Alice will come around. I'm willing to bet that she loves you just as much."

"Sure. She loves me so much now that she thinks I'm in love with Aloe," Frank scoffed sarcastically, shifting his position on the chair he was sitting on in the Gryffindor common room.

"It's not your fault."

"Yes it is! I've been so friendly with Aloe lately I've taken to ignoring Alice… accidentally, of course… and now she thinks I hate her."

"How do you know what she thinks? You haven't seen her in two weeks! For all you know, she could be mad that you haven't taken the first step and asked her out."

Frank's face brightened with hope. It seemed like his birthday couldn't have come earlier. "Really? Do you think she likes me?"

Lily shrugged and kicked her feet up onto the armrest. "I don't know. But if she does, I think she wants you to take the initiative, you know?"

His expression fell, turning solemn and sad. "I can't do that. What if I look like an idiot?"

"Then go ahead! Look like an idiot, but know you tried! Listen, Alice will still love you as a friend no matter what, so just take the risk."

"I guess so…" Frank trailed off, lost in his thoughts. The embarrassment seemed to be wearing off. "And you?"

"What about me?"

"James. You two have been as cold as ice to each other lately."

It was Lily's turn to sit in the heat seat. Not literally, of course. "Yes. Yes, we have."

"Well, why? You guys were such great friends."

"I… I don't know," Lily finished, and she knew it was untrue. She knew why they were fighting, knew why they hated each other so, knew why they were glaring at each other on the outside but tender and weak on the inside. She had a feeling it had to do with her dishonesty.

"Anyway, I've got to go to the library," Frank muttered, standing up and stretching his limbs to the sky. "But, just one more thing, Lily."

"What?" she questioned, wondering how Frank could give advice when he couldn't even handle his own problems.

"I've never seen you this unhappy. It might do you some good to apologize," Frank concluded, stepping out of the common room as Alice rushed in. She brushed right past him, not even turning her head. Frank blushed a faint color of longing.

And even though he couldn't even sort out his own problems with love, Lily couldn't help but feel that he was right.


"Oh. Aloe."

Remus stopped dead in his tracks into the library. There was Aloe, seated at the end of a library table, absorbing book after book of infinite knowledge. She glanced up, breaking into a warm smile. It was happening again, that old déjà vu rounding up on him. This scene was familiar. And he had a feeling Sirius would creep up, round the corner, and bounce in on them again.

But Remus listened to his heart instead.

"Hey Remus!" Aloe chirped as he scraped a seat out from beside her. "How are you? Haven't seen you lately."

"James and Lily arguing has contributed to that," Remus responded, sliding out some parchment to work on a potions essay. He dipped his quill in the ink, making sure each dripping drop plopped back into the pot, leaving just a thin coat of ink on the tip.

"I know. So annoying," Aloe emphasized. "Can't Lily just realize she's hopelessly in love with him? It's splitting our groups apart." This was true. James had dragged the Marauders down the dining table, away from Lily and her friends. Meals were kind of lonely now. But this was for James, a sacrifice.

"Yeah," Remus muttered, occupying himself with his potions book. After that day in the library, he tried to stay away from alone places with Aloe. But, it was obvious how that was going.

"Oh! You want to hear something? I never told anyone this, but I feel the need to tell you," Aloe whispered, closing the old volume she was scanning and leaning closer into Remus.

"Yes?" Remus answered, aware of their close proximity.

"I have a fascination with werewolves."

She knows.

He pulled back, jittery and nervous. Her lips parted, wanting to speak and say something at this strange behavior. His hands shook like a vibrating chair. All he could think of to say was, "W-what d-d-do you m-mean?"

"Well… I know you probably think I'm some kind of freak now. And that's okay. But I just love them. Their beauty, their stateliness, their pure tortured ways… It's so sickly sweet. How they are frightened but people are frightened of them. How they can't control their actions. So beautiful." Aloe's tongue rolled off her lips on the last syllable, making Remus shiver. Was it with fear or lust? He couldn't quite tell.

"I… I have to go," Remus stuttered, slinging his bag over his shoulder. He needed to get out of there. The logical thing would have been to shut her up from spreading any secrets, but he was too blinded by shock to do anything but flee.

"Why?" Aloe questioned, her emotions of disappointment plastered on her face like a poster. "Was it what I said? I won't take it back, but I will be sorry. I've kept it a secret for so long, I knew I shouldn't have told anyone, but I did anyway – "

"Save your breath," Remus breathed, feeling the words came from somewhere other than him. "Damn right to keep that a secret! Don't tell anyone!"

Aloe looked on the verge of tears. "I'm sorry, Remus, so sorry, what can I do?"

"To start, you shouldn't tell anyone."

She looked hurt, but Remus couldn't believe that she had openly acknowledged she knew his secret. To him, of all people! Fuming on the outside, but torn and hurting on the inside, he swiftly walked away, but not before hearing Aloe's last plea.

"I… I just thought you'd understand."


Lily stood outside the portrait hole, the Fat Lady leering down at her for being a goody two-shoes and waiting for James. Even though they both were beyond frustrated with each other, the code of conduct for Head Boy and Girl still ensued. When James marched out of the portrait hole, he gave Lily a stony glare and took off down the left route and expected her to take the right.

But today, she didn't.

Letting out the words she had been practicing in front of Alice and the mirror all day, Lily caught up to James's quick pace and hesitantly asked, "Can we talk?"

No response.

"Or can I talk and you just listen?"

Still no response.

"Okay, I'll take that as a yes…"

"Why aren't you on your route, Lily?" James questioned, turning to her. His expression wasn't angry, or sad, or even depressed like Lily's. It was calm, yet rough, weathered, and stern. Not the James she knew. No, definitely not.

"Because… I wanted to talk to you."

"Do you know if I will listen or not?"

"Well… no," Lily concluded, hitting a roadblock. "But I just wanted to say it out loud."

"Say it out loud then." James picked up his pace, veering off his course into Lily's route.

"I realize I was wrong. I realize that I screwed up. I realize that you're angry with me."

A grunt. It was better than nothing.

"I also respect your feelings on… that matter."

Another pause. No reaction.

"And I assume it will be hard for you to forgive me."

"'Course it will," Lily heard James almost inaudibly mutter. But it wasn't a stiff and unemotional sound. She could sense the built up emotion weaved in the words.

"I've been hurting these days. It's been kind of lonely without you," Lily continued, letting the pre-rehearsed words flow from her mouth. She added on an after thought, "And I know you have been too."

James abruptly stopped. "What do you mean, 'you have been too'?" He turned to face her, all the pent-up emotion finally visible in his expression. Hurt, betrayal, anger, frustration, longing.

"Frank and Alice have been telling me, they've never seen you so serious – "

"What do they know? Are they my friends? Do they know what's going through my head?"

Lily shuffled her feet and stared at the cold stone beneath her feet. "No. I suppose not."

"Two weeks without any exchange of words. I can't believe it."

"Sorry."

"Sorry? I don't think sorry cuts it for all the pain I've been through."

Lily's heart soared even though she dared it to stay down. So he had been just as lonely without her as she had been without him. "Really? You were hurting?"

"Oh no, they were the best two weeks of my life!" James sarcastically said that left a sharp, bitter taste in the air. He shielded his face, realizing how open he was being, and turned on his heel, storming away from her.

Storming away from what could've been mended.

"Who's the liar now?" Lily sighed to herself, letting out a gigantic sob before she broke down right in the middle of the hallway, crying out all the tears she had held in for so, so long.


"Moony? Moony! What's wrong?"

Sirius's voice echoed in Remus's head, bouncing back and forth in the hollow basin that it was. But he was way past listening to anything at this point. Someone knew his secret outside of the Marauders. Aloe's words ricocheted over and over again, taunting and teasing him to no end. I have a fascination with werewolves.

"It's Aloe," he emptily sighed, slumping down into a plush chair next to Sirius.

"What about her?" Sirius's voice hinted at suspicion.

"She… she knows."

Sirius seemed to know exactly what he was talking about. That was what friends were for, after all. His face turned deadly serious, questions forming in his mind. "How? How did she find out?"

Remus struggled with this answer. "She told me she was fascinated with werewolves. And then… that's when I knew. She said she's never told anyone before, and she knows. She just does."

Sirius, not being the person to immediately panic and jump to conclusions, calmly said, "How is that enough evidence? Maybe she just likes them. She probably doesn't even know – you know, what you are. She just thought you would want to know."

Remus opened his mouth to say something, but quickly closed it. Sirius was right. He had assumed the worse and never took into consideration that she might just have a strange obsession with werewolves. It was no big deal; she probably never even suspected Remus of being a werewolf. It was just the essay jitters getting to him. And maybe Aloe just trusted Remus enough to tell him.

But after he had stormed out of the library like that, he felt that thread of trust snap with long, jagged scissors.

"Moony? You okay?" Sirius's voice poked through the cloud of thought Remus was hid behind.

"I… I screwed up big time, Padfoot."

Oh no, he was not okay. And oh yes, he messed up indeed.


A/N: Ah well. A week of trying and all I got was this horrible, short chapter. Hope you enjoyed it anyway though! Everything will be resolved in the upcoming chapters, promise.

Read and review please!