Hey guys! So this is sort of short...sorry:( I'm always apologizing to you for something though right? It's okay, it's just how our relationship works.
Enjoy!
Whatever. It. Takes.
~JuliaGoldsworthy.
p.s. The lyrics aren't super relevant to the chapter but the song was amazing to write to, so I figured I should put them in.
"If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the "No"'s on their vacancy signs
If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark."
-I Will Follow You Into the Dark.
-Death Cab for Cutie.
The ride home was pretty rough. Jenna was a little more drunk than I think she thought she was. This was evident by the swerving she was doing and the red light she ran. I could tell she was trying to remain focused as we drove, though I wasn't sure if it was working. There was not much I could do about it now since we were already on the highway.
My mind became blurrier as the roads continued. Tears started streaming down my cheeks but I remained silent so I wouldn't distract Jenna anymore than she already was.
How could I have been so stupid? My child wasn't even born yet and I was already ruining his life. If this was what happened while I was pregnant, what was going to happen after he was born? What kind of mother lets things like this happen to her child?
"Clare, everything is okay." Jenna said. "Everyone makes mistakes."
"This isn't just any mistake." I said. "I shouldn't have let him buy me anything. I should've been more careful. I-I should have just listened to Eli and stayed home."
"Being a mom is hard work Clare, trust me. Everyone slips up. This may be bad but it's not the worst thing that can happen." she said. I had the feeling she was coming out of her haze. "I took all those diet pills when I was pregnant with Ty and he ended up just fine. He was perfectly healthy when he was born."
I considered that but there was no way that diet supplements were as harmful as vodka.
"Besides," Jenna said. "When you're baby comes, you won't have time to go out like this. I know I didn't." she was quiet for a minute before speaking again and I momentarily wondered what she was thinking about. "I guess what I'm getting at is that it's better to go out now instead of when your baby needs you the most."
I thought about her words before I spoke. "It already needs me."
Jake and I had just passed another level when I heard yelling from down the hall. It sounded like Alli.
I looked over at Jake and he seemed to hear it too.
"Are they back already?" I asked.
He looked at his watch and shrugged. "It's only twelve."
I quickly shoved the bottles into a bag so Clare wouldn't be upset at the mess we'd made. She worked hard to keep the apartment clean and I didn't want her to be stressed about the trash.
I heard keys jingle in the door knob and saw Clare burst through the door. Jenna followed her, practically carrying Alli.
"Eli!" She cried. I could tell that something was wrong by the way she said it.
I stood up and she ran over to me, wrapping her arms around my neck. "Clare, what's wrong? Did something happen at the club?"
She nodded, her auburn curls shifting against my chest. I expected her too look up and tell me what had happened. However, she didn't and I knew that it wasn't something that she would be able to shrug off. It had to be something serious.
I looked up at Jenna to see if she would clue me in but her eyes shifted away from me.
I became panicked then. A million different scenarios played out behind my eyes in a matter of seconds. The things those college dicks might've done to her, the things that might've said, things that might've happened.
I pulled away from her and tilted her head up so I could see her. Tears streamed down her face. "Clare? Clare what happened?"
She swallowed before she choked out her words. "The guys that we were with." she didn't look at me as she spoke.
"What did they do?" I asked. She tried to inch away and I put my hands on her shoulders. "Clare did they hurt you?"
Her face scrunched up and she nodded.
I pushed her hair away from her eyes and caught her tears on my thumb. I took a deep breath and focused on Clare instead of finding the guys that made her this way and beating their faces into the ground. "Clare," I said. "What did they do?"
She finally looked into my eyes and composed herself long enough to tell me. "The guy I was with, he offered to buy me something to drink, and I was stupid enough to say yes." she scoffed and shook her head. "He bought me a coke but he-" she started shaking and I held her hands in mine. "He spiked it, Eli. He had an entire flask of vodka and kept pouring it into my drinks."
She lost it again. I grabbed her and pulled her into my embrace. This wasn't fair.
"How many did you have?" I asked, scared of the answer.
She sighed. "Two and a half." she said. "The flask was empty."
I cringed and fought the urge to cry. Not only did this shake Clare up, but it hurt something that was very important to both of us. I didn't know what effect this would have on the baby, and I was more than a little terrified to find out.
I knew Clare didn't need to hear that though. She needed me to be rational and tell her things that would make her feel better. She didn't need to hear how concerned I was because that would only make her worry and that would just make both of their conditions worse.
I pulled her over to sit next to me on the couch. I held her hands. "Okay, here's what we'll do." I said. "I will call in sick to work tomorrow and we'll go to see Dr. Williams. She'll tell us what we need to know."
Clare nodded. I knew that my promise of being with her tomorrow made her feel a little better but it didn't reassure her that our baby would be okay.
I sighed. "Clare, people drink really early on in pregnancies all the time. This isn't the first time someone has made this mistake." I said.
Jake chimed in. "Uh, yeah Katie's aunt was about as far along as you are and didn't even know. She was a real party girl to say the least and her kid is just fine."
I looked at him and he raised his eyebrows. I wish I knew if that story was real or not.
I turned to Clare. "See? Everything should be just fine. We'll find out for sure tomorrow morning. Right now I think the best thing for you to do is to go and lay down for a little bit okay? I'll be in there in a minute."
I could tell she had relaxed since Jake had talked to her. She nodded and I kissed her forehead before she stood up. Her legs were shaky but I heard the door shut so she got to the bedroom okay.
I walked over to Jenna. "Listen, Jenna thank you so much for getting her home. How much do I owe you for a cab?" I asked, reaching for my wallet.
She looked at me for a moment like she was contemplating a lie and then rolled her eyes. "We didn't take a cab. I drove home."
"You didn't drink?" I asked.
"No, I did. But Alli was so drunk and even though Clare hadn't had as much as me she was took upset to drive. I'm sorry Eli, but-"
"No." I shook my head. "You got my family here safely and I thank you for that. Are you okay to drive now or you could stay here." I looked back at Alli who was spread out on our couch. "I'm pretty sure that's what Alli will be doing."
"Um, actually I think I'll just take a cab. I'll pick up my car in the morning if that's okay."
I nodded. "Of course, let me give you the fair."
"No, Eli, it's okay I-"
"Jenna, it's the least I can do." I held out some bills to her and she look at me before taking it.
"Thanks Eli," she said and I nodded. We looked at each other but then she leaned into hug me.
It should've been awkward but it wasn't. I knew that she understood that being a teenager and a parents was difficult. So difficult that she put her son up for adoption. I knew that she wasn't judging Clare and I right now and didn't think that we were just irresponsible fools. She knew.
She pulled away and gave me a half hearted smile before leaving.
I shut the door and walked over to Jake and Alli who were on the couch.
"Jake?" I asked.
He looked over at me. "Yeah?'
"You okay to drive?"
He hadn't been drinking for at least an hour and he'd had quite a few waters after his beers. He looked at Alli and then back at me. "You know, I think I better stay here. Just to be safe."
I nodded with a smirk. "I understand."
I saw him grab a blanket and cuddle up next to Alli as I turned the lights out in the living room.
I stood outside the bedroom door before I went in. I pressed my ear against the wood to see if I could hear Clare. I wondered if she was still crying, though I hoped she wasn't.
Slowly, I turned the knob and opened the door. I shut it carefully behind me and walked over to her.
She was balled up on her side of the bed, shaking. It hurt me so much to see her this way.
I sat on the bed beside her for a moment before doing anything.
It was times like this that I really had to think about how I was acting. I'm sure that Jake and I could find those guys that did this and beat the douche out of all three of them. How dare they do this to the two people I love more than anything. Knowing that I could make them feel the consequence of what they had done to Clare brought a smile to my face. However, I knew that wasn't what Clare needed to hear. Even though I wanted to scream, I had to be here for her.
I looked over at Clare, her chest heaving as she tried to choke back her sobs. I'd seen Clare cry many times, but this differed from all of them.
This wasn't surface crying. She wasn't just upset or sad. She wasn't angry or frustrated. These tears seemed to come from so deep inside her soul it was like a waterfall of heartache.
I put my hand on her back and she jumped a little at my touch. My hatred for the guys at the club flared. How quickly they could make the lively, bubbly Clare from earlier in the evening vanish. It was scary.
I rubbed her back for a minute like I always did when she was crying.
Finally she turned over to face me. "Eli," her voice was barely a whimper.
I held my arms out to her and she turned into them.
The northern downpour continued the rest of the night. I ran my fingers through her auburn waves and stroked her back. Eventually, her tears desiccated and she closed her salty eyes. Her cheeks were red as I kissed them goodnight. I tucked her in the sea of sheets and climbed in beside her.
Worry kept me up with her near constant pulls at my thoughts. My family was hurting and I couldn't do anything to help. All I could do was be there for Clare and while it comforted her it certainly didn't make me feel better. It also didn't fix the actual problem. I didn't sleep much that night, but when your child is in danger, I guess most fathers don't.
Okay so I hope you guys liked it! Even if you didn't, let me know in the reviews.
Also, let me know what you think the gender and name of the baby should be! Just because Clare was making some lists does not mean that those are the only names in consideration. I'm really inspired by some of your suggestions! I love seeing all the different names you come up with! It makes me so happy:)
Thanks for reading!
Whatever. It. Takes.
~JuliaGoldsworthy.
