Chapter 12
After walking out of the Organization headquarters, carrying a small earthen pot filled with whatever was left of Zexion's ashen corpse, Axel realized slowly that he didn't even have the will to go in to mock Marluxia - not then, not in that moment. Not when the terrible knowledge of what he was going to have to do hung suspended over his head like a knife.
But, wanting to put off the inevitable for as long as possible, he returned instead to the mansion; slinking down a back alleyway so as not to be seen just in case there were any watchers. He knew that it wouldn't be long before the Organization found out who it was, and he had a target painted on his neck - he only hoped that he could take the bastards down before they could take him down. Him or Roxas.
He knew he could beat Marluxia, even with his little bitch as backup, but he wasn't sure how long he could survive against everything the Organization had, coming at him again and again, relentless. Sephiroth and Cloud - and now, he remembered, Zack - would help with that, but the question was, would it be enough? The General was legendary, indestructible - but his support could be pulled at any minute. If he wanted to make sure Cloud never left, he would have to make the blonde invested in this mission - make him care about one of the boys.
This had to happen soon - because too quickly, in far too few moments, everything would come together, and it would come down to who was better, and who could stand longer.
But right then, after Zexion's death and before they'd had time to organize anything else, would probably be his last chance to leave - his last chance to take Roxas out of that damned house, show him something he'd never seen before. His last before everything was over, if they survived it all.
So he glided into the entryway from the back entrance and up the stairs, the beginnings of an idea churning in his mind - because he wanted to see Roxas smile, because he didn't know how much time they were going to have together. Even if they both survived, he didn't know whether Roxas would still want him around afterwards - but if either of them died, he sure as damnation wasn't going to hell without having fucking kissed the kid.
If he was going to die, he was going to die with no regrets. He had never had any up until this point, and although Roxas was having a bad effect on his conscience, he wasn't planning to change that. If he could see the blonde smile - really smile - at him, just him, then everything would be worth it.
He burst into the room where Roxas and Sora waited, accompanied by the new guard, Zack, who was sprawled in the back corner, and a rather large stack of books from the downstairs library which both brothers had been apparently devouring voraciously. The elder looked up from his novel - Hemingway, Axel noted with approval - and gave him an expression that wasn't a smile, but he could see the emotion deep in the blonde's eyes that said he didn't mind the other's entrance. That was far better than nothing.
"Oh, so you're back," he said, probably trying to sound derisive and failing, for once - he sounded mostly content, nestled on the bed with his younger brother and a good book. Sora looked up at that also, and gave a smile - everybody but Axel seemed to like the little brunette a ton; but the fact was, sometimes the kid's optimism and cheerfulness was too much to bear. Made you wanna show him what the real world was like.
"Yep. I'm back," he responded, grinning as ever. Zack looked up from his position in the corner, but the redhead paid him no attention. He wasn't important - not right now. "But not for long. You and I are going out."
"…Isn't that a little bit dangerous?" Roxas asked, one eyebrow in the air, words almost drowned out as his brother simultaneously made an excited noise and said, "Do I get to come too?"
"Yes, and no, in that order," he responded blithely, expression not changing. "But I wouldn't take you out if I thought it was gonna be a stupid risk. Have more faith in me than that, dumbass," he continued fondly. "And you, kid - Sora," he corrected himself as Roxas gave him an accusing look, "you're gonna stay here, ok? I can't keep the both of you safe at once," he added, more as an explanation for Roxas's sake than because it was actually truth. He didn't want Sora along, period.
He finally acknowledged Zack with a nod, and the soldier jumped up with much more energy than he should have had for someone who'd looked like they were about to fall asleep on duty such a short time ago.
"I'll keep the kid safe for you," he said with a grin, one that was so different from Axel's own. "You do what you have to do," he told the other, as if somehow under the impression that the assassin needed his permission. He threw the other a lazy salute, and the redhead wondered briefly just what the hell kind of ShinRa officer this guy was. The thought passed after a second, because he realized that the expression on Roxas's face just might have been a smile.
He made a motion to the kid that he should get up, and turned back around to the doorway as the boy did so.
"You two have fun," he said, opening the door in an exaggerated - and slightly teasing - gentlemanly motion. "Don't expect us back before a couple hours. If it's any later than that, though, send out the search patrols," he informed the dark-haired soldier, who responded with a rather unprofessional thumbs up gesture.
As soon as Roxas had passed, he turned and followed, shutting the door behind him as he smiled genuinely for the first time in - to be entirely honest, he couldn't remember, and he didn't care much either. What was the point in thinking about the past when the present was so delicate and wonderful?
XXX
"You know, you're going to have to talk to him eventually," came Zack's voice, cutting through Sephiroth's troubled silence.
The general turned around to face his friend then, noting distantly that the man had a much smaller brunette shadow following behind. He paid the boy no heed, however, focusing on the words at hand, though he didn't respond; chiefly because there was nothing to say.
He knew that he would have to face the blonde's accusation, his hatred, eventually. Though he understood that another man might have died for such a transgression against the blonde - he had proven as much with his icy determination to kill their opponent - the general had no fear for his own life. Still, he might have to face the blonde soldier's sword - and that thought was hardly appealing, though he had no thought of losing.
"I'm… not exactly sure how he's going to react," Zack continued after a moment, and the general gave a little frown - how could the other man not know how his friend would react? It was fairly obvious. "But, he still needs to know."
It would be a shame, Sephiroth mused, to lose someone who could have been one of their most promising officers. As much as the man confused him, as much as he always felt like he was missing something crucial when the other man spoke to him, he didn't want to lose the soldier. That was all.
If he had been honest with himself, he would have realized that he didn't want to admit how much he'd been quietly expecting Zack to worm Cloud into his life, like the dark-haired man had done with himself years ago. He'd been thoughtlessly waiting for it - and he'd found that now, once it was no longer a possibility, he had liked the idea.
"You still with me, Seph?" the other soldier asked once the silence got to be too much for him, and took a step forward to have a better look at the other man's face.
"I shall inform him," Sephiroth responded after a beat, expression immobile as ever, "once he returns."
The general's best friend - his only friend was not taken in by the stoniness of his manner, giving him a look that meant he knew something was wrong. Sephiroth did not respond, didn't give any indication that he had noticed - and after a moment, Zack shook his head slightly, like he had been about to say something and hadn't.
This was uncharacteristic enough that it stood out for a moment in Sephiroth's notice - there were very few things in the world that Zack Fair could not, or would not, say, and his spoken filter was notoriously terrible. It left the question of what, exactly, he was avoiding - but the General, in his turn, did not speak, leaving a wall of troubled quiet between them.
A rustle broke the silence, and then the other man's cheerful grin was back on his face.
"Don't think about it too much, though, ok?" he half-ordered, giving Sephiroth a casual slap on the shoulder, though the uncomfortable look had not faded from behind his crystal eyes. "Nothin' you can do 'till Spike gets back," he continued, "and you're looking more and more like you swallowed an anthill every second. We'll worry about it when there's something to worry about."
Sephiroth raised an eyebrow at that, looking down to meet the smaller man's stare.
"'We?'" he asked, unsure if the other man had misspoken and focusing on that rather than having to think about the actual meaning of the other man's sentence.
"…Of course 'we,'" Zack responded, not letting his expression change despite his short laugh, "I'm not letting you handle this by yourself - no offense meant but you know you suck at people. I'm not gonna do this for you, but I am gonna help you out." He gave another chuckle then, slinging his arm as best as he could over the much taller man's shoulders. "What, you think I was gonna leave you to this on your own? You may have done something bad, and you can be a real prick sometimes - but you are my friend, and I care about what happens to you. Don't be stupid," he informed the other, more exasperated than chastising.
Sephiroth didn't respond to that, and his expression didn't change - but he knew, somehow, that Zack would understand what he meant anyway, even if he himself did not.
XXX
It was the very edge of the darkest afternoon that Axel had ever seen when he and Roxas walked outside of the mansion, both of them almost obscured by the liquid black as they moved.
"So," the small blonde began, steps unhesitant despite the dark, "where are we going, and why are you taking me there when it's so dangerous to be outside?" he asked, sounding halfway accusing and half excited, a combination that only Roxas could really pull off. It was his punk-assed little attitude that did it, combined with his innocence and barely covered excitement about the world that he had never been allowed to see.
"We're going to someplace fun I know," the redhead returned, eyes lit up but without the glint of danger, "and we're going now because I killed the son of a bitch who was after you," he continued conversationally. "I know how the Organization works - there won't be another guy on us for at least a couple of hours. So, now is the best time if I want to take you out to see anything."
He gave a glance upwards, to the violent black of the sky.
"Besides," he continued, a gleam in his eye as his gaze slid downwards, "if we can get there quick enough, we should be in for something really fuckin' cool."
The blonde wasn't even bothering to hide his excitement by this point, but didn't seem to notice - and Axel wasn't about to call attention to it, because he liked seeing that wide-open, childish look on the boy's face. The minute Roxas noticed the way he was acting, that would be the end of that.
They continued on absently, the space between them filled with meaningless banter, both men simply throwing words at each other that had no real purpose but to gauge each other, to see how the other would react - and this was perfectly alright by Axel, because he wanted to hear Roxas talk. He wanted to see how they boy might have been, when his life wasn't constantly in danger and when the family that he cared about wasn't also three steps from a terrible death. He wanted to know what the blonde would be like, after everything.
It took them about a half hour before they made it to the spot the redhead had been walking towards, and by that time it had already begin to snow - lightly at first, but growing in intensity with each moment.
"This is it?" Roxas asked skeptically, interrupting their conversation, his guarded demeanor almost returning as he glanced at the structure.
It was true that it didn't look like much - the skeletal beginnings of a skyscraper towered bleakly over the city, a jagged behemoth that soared upwards to eventually blend with the blackness of the sky. It wasn't exactly what the blonde was used to, sure - but it was as close to luxury as a kid off of the streets would ever see. The view as fucking unforgettable.
"Yes and no," Axel returned, grin growing as he effortlessly vaulted over the makeshift fence that surrounded the construction area. It, like the rest of the city, was deserted in the face of the oncoming storm, pulleys and steel beams creating a kind of urban jungle around the beginnings of the structure.
"Yes, because this is where we're going," the redhead continued, making a gesture that Roxas should follow. "And no, because we're going to the top." He laughed a little at the blonde's incredulous face. "Come on, don't look like that. You'll love it, promise."
It was only with a tiny attempt at a grumble that the blonde did as requested, climbing the fence with too much ease for someone who wasn't supposedly in the habit of doing so, and dropping over on the other side gracefully.
"This seems inexplicably idiotic to me," Roxas muttered as he examined the pile of beams Axel stood next to. "Remind me again why I'm doing this?"
"Because you've never gotten to do anything so badass in your life and you trust my opinion."
The blonde didn't respond to that, and Axel took the time to step onto the platform that held the pile of beams. It wasn't nearly as unsafe as it looked, really - the four ropes attached to the corners created a sort of makeshift elevator as they stretched upwards, to where they would be attached to pulleys at the top. There had been a safety invented not too long ago, so that if one of the ropes broke the contraption wouldn't fall all the way to the ground. So, the only real danger was the possibility of falling off the side - in which case the person would almost certainly die.
But a little bit of danger was good for the soul, after all.
XXX
"This seems pretty damn unsafe," Roxas mumbled as he took a tentative step onto the wooden platform that held his friend.
"Nope, it's fine as long as you don't jump off or something," Axel returned with a look in his eye, a shard of mischief that looked like it belonged there, maybe even more than the threat of danger that was ever-present in his gaze. Roxas saw it, that gleam of absolute, supreme self-confidence, when the redhead looked at other people, but never really thought about what that meant. Now, he supposed, was not the ideal time.
"You are a crazy bastard, do you know that?"
Axels' grin could have cut rock, but the blonde was strangely unafraid - of the other man, at least, because the bottom dropped out of his stomach in an instant as the platform suddenly, without any warning that the boy could see, shot into the air at what seemed like a million miles a second.
He bit his tongue as the dark rushed by and grabbed onto the rope like his life fucking depended on it, grateful that it was hard to see more than five feet in front of you - or down - because otherwise he would have been a thousand times more terrified. The blonde wasn't particularly afraid of heights - his father's skyscraper didn't do anything to him - but falling from them was quite the different story. But once the platform had reached a tentative stop, shaking back and forth once just to keep the blonde on his toes, Roxas risked a look down.
Spread out before him, hundreds of feet below and miles around, were a sprinkling of lights, painting their surroundings in their surreal glow and softened to a pale halo by the lightly falling snow. Thousands of them surrounded the two, and the darkness made it feel like they were floating, stepping from nothing to nothing as Axel took his hand to guide him across the short emptiness to more stable ground.
"It's beautiful," he breathed, halfway involuntary, as he watched the entire scene be lit up for a half second by a flash of lightning miles off, illuminating the clouds with its short-lived but fiery passion, followed by a roll of thunder like an avalanche. Within seconds, the topaz energy crackled again, leaping from cloud to cloud in a frenzy of life, touching down and then back up again, bringing the crack of thunder with it, barely pausing for breath before it started up again.
"I thought you might like it," Axel said more quietly than was his norm, but the blonde hardly noticed because he had never been anywhere quite like this, with its beauty tinged by an edge of adrenaline at the danger of it.
They moved forward, almost together, and sat at the edge - Roxas with his legs crossed, and the redhead's dangling over the edge like he was courting fate.
"Thanks for taking me here," the blonde finally breathed, not taking his eyes off of the explosions of light that cut the edges of the clouds in topaz.
"It's not a problem," Axel responded, and Roxas could see through the corner of his eye that the smile had left his friend's face, replaced by an expression of serenity that was wholly alien on the blonde's face, contrasting as it did with the triangles of color painted on to give him a constant air of danger. After a moment, he turned to the blonde, and the boy took that moment go give a smile back, finally meeting with Axel's bottle-green eyes.
"Hey, listen, Rox," the redhead began carefully, and Roxas, for once, didn't mind the nickname. "I wanted to…" Another pause, and the blonde raised an eyebrow. "I wanted… Aw, fuck it," he muttered, and suddenly Roxas's world was thrown off its axis by the man's lips crossing the impossible distance to meet his.
He barely had a moment to register it, to notice that the redhead's lips were chapped from the cold and the wind - his probably weren't any better - or to notice that those long, elegant fingers had fisted themselves in his hair, before he'd pulled away, eyes wide in shock.
The blonde would have been lying if he'd said that something like this had never even occurred to him for the briefest second - which was what it had been, before he'd pushed it down and away, sure for some reason that… Sure that he was just crazy, because of course the blonde wasn't like that. And besides none of this made any sense, why now?
"…What?" he finally asked, bemused, dark lashes giving his blue eyes a startled outline, and he saw a grin begin to slowly grow on the redhead's face.
"I thought that was kind of obvious," Axel noted, giving a short ringing laugh. "Evidently, I was wrong. That, Roxy, was a kiss."
"I know that," the younger huffed, color shooting up through his face until he really couldn't meet the other's eyes any more. "I want to know what you were doing kissing me? And now?!"
"As good a time as any," the redhead pointed out, amused - but for the first time, Roxas looked, really looked, at what was hiding behind the older man's mask, and he realized something. The tint of fear was barely noticeable, when he had so much practice at hiding it, but it was there, and that made him wonder why. What could the blonde possibly do to him?
"Why?" He could hear his voice go up an octave as his mind strained to find some kind of answer - no, scratch that, some kind of answer that made sense…
"That should be pretty obvious too."
"Not to me."
Axel gave a long sigh then, and ran a hand through his mess of hair, then gave a half amused, half… apologetic, look towards the other.
"Look, kiddo. This might seem weird or even kinda fucked up to you, but… You struck me as something special, on day one, you know that? Special enough that I'm giving up my whole fucking job and my whole fucking life to keep you safe," he added, with enough of a touch of bitterness that Roxas was taken by surprise, but it was gone in an instant - replaced by this triumphant amusement.
"And I wasn't going to go to the fucking grave without having kissed you," he continued, "because maybe you're a little bit spoiled and you've got an attitude to kill by but you're not fucking afraid of anything, even though you couldn't ever back it up." He laughed awkwardly, then looked back out at the storm as it drew closer. "It's just you and your stubbornness against the world, kiddo," he drawled then, without any kind of explanation as to what exactly that meant.
Partially because of that last statement but mostly regardless of it, Roxas was left rather more than speechless by the other's vehement explanation, jaw slackening as he spent his considerable mental energies on more important functions.
"So wait, you're in love with me?!" he finally asked, with an innocence typical for his age - he didn't think about the baggage associated with that word, or the implications. And of course, to a teenager - even the less than traditional kind - any romantic interest was automatically love.
"I didn't say anything about that, did I?" Axel shot back defensively, breaking effortlessly through the blonde's illusions. "But I don't want you to die, and I didn't…" He paused then, giving Roxas a look that the boy couldn't interpret.
"You know what, forget it," he finally muttered, standing up slowly. "This was a bad idea. Forget any of this ever happened, ok?"
This brought everything in his mind to a screeching halt, like a freight train trying desperately to slow itself before careening fatally off a bridge. This new development had just broken all his bridges, apparently - all of his expectations, because suddenly, he was faced with the very real possibility of losing Axel forever, and he did not want that to happen.
Maybe he wasn't interested in men in that way, but the redhead was the most interesting thing that had happened to him in a very long time - and if the situation was different, he could see them being friends, being real friends. And if that was what he had to do in order to keep Axel as his friend - his best friend - then he would do it. Besides, it wasn't like he had any particular attraction to anyone - not since that ill-fated crush on Olette in grammar school, so he might as well.
So, Roxas, in a fit of inspiration, stood up just quickly enough to crush their lips together again, ignoring the look of total bewilderment on the redhead's face, and noted that the sensation of their two mouths meeting was warm, and not entirely unpleasant. Quite pleasant, actually, and even enjoyable, if he wanted to be honest with himself - which he, of course, did not.
Yes, he thought as Axel's arms closed around him, tentatively at first, then more firmly; and they shut out everything with their strength - the danger of their position, of the storm, of their hunters and their situation. Yes, he repeated himself in silence. This would be a more than acceptable payment.
XXX
Sliding through the streets silently, distantly, Cloud finally had time to think - and time to push the gently coalescing thoughts away again, because he didn't want them, didn't need them. This sudden, unexpected sympathy for the assassin Zexion was not only unwanted, it was disgraceful - although he knew that Aerith was not a vengeful person, to him, this terrible sympathy was nothing less than dishonoring to her memory.
Aerith, I'm sorry…
The fact that he even dared, for a moment, to compare Aerith's sweet smile to the serene lifelessness of that murdering bastard's bloody face was ludicrous - laughable, really. He had thought that he'd loved her - maybe it was only in his own quiet way, and maybe not the way he loved -
- but it obviously wasn't enough, if he was having doubts, regrets, about that man's death.
Plagued by these thoughts, and regret for his own guilt at the actions he might have taken, he stepped quietly over the threshold to the mansion, practically invisible, and made his way to the bedroom that had become their makeshift headquarters.
He expected to find nothing in there other than what he did, even though he didn't want to face Zack, with his love for the girl stronger than anything Cloud could ever give to her - or Sephiroth, who barely noticed him, barely realized he was there. This had never bothered him extraordinarily, but tonight, he didn't want to think, didn't want to compare, because Aerith deserved more than that.
"I'm back," he mumbled quietly as he opened the door, realizing without saying anything that the room had three occupants - one of the children was conspicuously missing, but nothing could have happened to him because not only Zack, but Sephiroth occupied the room. Both men stood on opposite sides, a comfortable silence resting between them of the sort that Cloud would never have been able to have with the General.
"Spike!" Zack exclaimed, shooting the blond a furtive look that was maybe a little bit more uncomfortable than it ought to have been, and then another to Sephiroth. "I'm glad you're here. So, uh, how did it go?"
There were a million things Cloud could have said to that, and maybe he would have, if only he and Zack had been alone - but even though it would never matter, the idea of showing weakness in front of General Sephiroth was repulsive. He would never measure up, but at least he didn't have to be an embarrassment.
"The man is dead." Nothing more needed to be said than that, and he turned around to leave again, and be alone with his thoughts - but Sephiroth's voice interrupted his departure.
"Strife," he began, and the blonde froze in his tracks. "There is something we need to discuss."
He didn't turn around, but waited for the man to continue - and after a moment, that silver bass could be heard again.
"We know why you went to kill that man, and though your service was appreciated, we -" there was another beat, and Cloud heard a motion from behind him, and an unintelligible mutter from Zack's corner, "- no, I felt obligated to tell you. The man you killed was not your love's murderer."
The words didn't hit him like a lance, as perhaps they should have - but a chill crept its way up him as his throat tightened, and he turned around with one step to face both men. The look of absolute indifference on Sephiroth's face wrenched in his gut, a reminder that the man would never look at him any other way - but the look of apology on Zack's was almost worse, because it meant that every breath was true.
The memory flashed up again, that bloody face surrounded by the white - and he flinched, but stood upright, and met Sephiroth's guarded gaze.
"If that's all you have to -"
"Wait, Spike," Zack interrupted, and those hesitant words were enough to halt the blonde's words.
"The real purpose of that," Sephiroth continued, voice smooth and beautiful - but the look on his face, for just an instant, was recognizable to a boy who had made studying that face his habit - it was pain, and perhaps a bit of regret.
"The purpose was to tell you that I am your Aerith's killer," he intoned gravely, and every word was like shattered glass to Cloud's astonished mind.
Unable to speak, or respond in any way, he turned slowly, dazedly, to Zack - and again, the look on his face quietly confirmed everything that the General was saying, every terrifying word.
He couldn't help but seize up, every instinct crying out for a different action - Aerith's voice, laughing, lips curving into a smile that was for him from across the beautiful distance, beyond the haze he couldn't cross - Sephiroth's crystalline gaze, calm and yet never serene, giving a window inside for anyone who knew how to look, though frosted over from disuse. Two warring impulses fought in him then - and he was not a strong enough man to pick between the two.
It was all Cloud could do to keep his face stony as he turned, then left, thoughts flashing and swirling - one side to another, across courses they hadn't taken in years. He ignored Zack's murmur that he should wait; he couldn't face the other man, because even though he knew the soldier wouldn't blame him, he also knew that he couldn't face the man when he was abandoning his duty to Aerith by walking out the door. He just -
- Sephiroth, I… -
He cut the thought short, unable to stomach the idea of what was to come.
If I was a stronger man, I would turn back in that door and do something.
Walking away - outside, into the dark - he wished for things that couldn't ever be.
XXX
The storm had finally moved overhead when Axel left the mansion again, having given Roxas over to the protection of ShinRa's General, and it showered clouds of perfect snow in layers onto the city. He had wondered for a moment, why, exactly, had Sephiroth looked so moody - even past his usual - but that wasn't really any of the assassin's business, he reminded himself. It probably wasn't going to affect the job - and he could do whatever the hell he wanted as long as the blonde's pretty little neck stayed in one piece.
They hadn't spent too long together, the two of them, at the top of the skyscraper, looking down at the city carved in bronze by lightning flashes - but the time they had spent was enough to reaffirm everything that Axel had known from the beginning. Everything was worth it.
So, with the memory of Roxas's smile on his lips, he finally felt that he could face what he knew he had to do. He, for once, had no desire to gloat - in fact, he would have liked nothing better than turning around and getting back to what he had started with the little blonde. But he knew, somehow, that this was what he had to do - so he had slowly, gravely, collected the shamefully plain urn that held Zexion's ashes, and begun the long walk to Demyx's apartment.
After far too long and far too short of a time, the building finally approached his vision - etched as it was by the ethereal halo of the streetlight into the coal-black sky. Another few steps in the light pillow of snow on the ground and he was at the stairs - another moment and he was at the door, breaths coming faster than they should have been, warm air giving off puffs of cold steam that disappeared into nothing.
He picked up the brass knocker and let it fall, once, twice, and was paid for his efforts by a creak of the door, and behind it, a face that lit up upon seeing the man on the other side.
"Axel! How are you?" Demyx asked, energy bubbling over as he swung the door fully open to allow his friend - the word didn't sting to think, but it ought to have - access to his abode. "I haven't seen you in a while. What have you been up to?"
"Demyx," Axel interjected, jade eyes solemn, for once, and the way he said it stopped the other man in his tracks, blood draining from his lively face to leave it wrought and terrified. The redhead took a few steps in, because he would not do this on the doorstep, and shut the door behind. "There's something…"
"Oh god, something's wrong," he whispered, blue eyes wide, knowing. "Something's really wrong, isn't it."
Axel nodded mutely, because his voice didn't seem to be working the way it normally did - of course not, when he couldn't brush away what had happened with something acerbic and witty.
"Demyx - I really hate to say this, but there -"
"- Oh god -" the musician choked out, and the redhead flinched, but continued.
"There was no one else who could come." Their breaths echoed for a moment in the silence. Axel could see it in the younger's eyes - he knew what was coming, and didn't want to hear it. "Dem, Zexion's dead. I -"
"Oh god, no…" he gasped, expression crumpling, voice so wretched, so broken that Axel couldn't respond, couldn't do anything but go on. He didn't know why he had decided to do this what had made him think that he could achieve anything by this.
"-I was there for his cremation. I brought back his ashes." He made a small gesture towards the urn in his hands, and put it down on the table in the entryway.
"You're lying," Demyx said, backing up until he half-fell onto his couch, but the redhead knew the other didn't mean what he was saying; he trusted too much to think that Axel would lie about something this important. A pause, then a gasping sob that the assassin couldn't watch. "He's not dead, there's been some kind of mistake."
"No mistake," Axel returned, taking a few steps of his own until he was seated on the chair directly opposite the other. "I saw it, Demyx. It's…" He gave a furtive look to the door then, questioning the wisdom of having sat down.
"…Do you want me to leave?" the assassin asked quietly, hoping that the blonde would want him to, and yet knowing that it was not to be.
"No, don't leave," he choked out, tears finally finding their way past the shock and onto his face. "I can't bear to - Axel, I can't do this alone. Zexion…"
Axel made himself watch - made himself watch the tears and the anguish that wrote itself across every line of the younger's face - because he knew that this was his final punishment, his absolution for his sins. If he could do this, if he could wait through this, it would gain him nothing; but he knew that if he couldn't, if he walked away, he would lose everything - and that was so much worse.
"I'm sorry, Demyx," he said, and he was - not for what he had done, but that it had to be done. He could only imagine, what it would have been like for him to lose Roxas that way, and the thought twisted itself, buried itself in his chest, the sound of every wracking sob driving it closer to his core.
"I know. I know. I…" his word cracked there, voice crumbling with the emotion, and the pieces fell for an eternity and shattered before he could pick them up again. "I always kinda knew he would die this way, only… not so soon. I just wish I'd had a chance to say… to say goodbye, you know?"
"Yeah," Axel responded, finally allowing himself the shame of not meeting the blonde's gaze. "Yeah, I do."
There was silence between them after that - silence, except for the broken gasps that Demyx could not quite hold in.
For once, Axel couldn't blame him for the weakness.
XXX
"So does the fact that Zexion was killed mean that he was onto something or that he was just an idiot?" Larxene asked from her chair, and Marluxia bristled at the intrusion of his thought process - after some consideration, he had voiced the possibility that the younger assassin had died because he was dangerous and not because he was stupid.
The chief difficulty was that no proof could be found that it was the Rogue who had killed Zexion - though that was what they all assumed, it could have been a guard of the targeted family. So, though clearly he was less than intelligent because he allowed himself to be found, he was considered a danger to either the family or to the rogue.
Possibly, something told him, to both - but that was even less substantiated than any of the other thoughts he'd been having, and thus was more likely to be true. For an assassin, instinct had to rule, or else you would die.
"I think that he was dangerous," Marluxia responded, wishing in that moment that he had never said anything to her - all he needed just then was to think to himself, without interruptions. "I think that you need to stop asking me questions, before I become angry." He paused then - if he had thought of this Xemnas might have too, and might have men on it that he could actually give orders to.
"Larxene," he finally said with only an edge of relief - finally, a half-solution and a way to get rid of her for the moment, "I need you to go to Xemnas's syndicate, and start threatening people - and for god's sake don't get yourself killed - until you've found out anything that his people know."
For now, it was ideal - he would still set up the fake hit to lure the Rogue in - but in the meantime, he would take advantage of a man whose resources were greater than his, as much as he hated to admit it verbally.
"With pleasure," she responded, the razors in her voice almost physical, and Marluxia smiled as she went.
XXX
From his first step out of the door, Cloud's intention had always halfway been to make his way back to his apartment, where he could sit and muse in peace, without any distractions. He had successfully managed, up until this point, to avoid thinking about him - some relief, at least - but thoughts of Aerith refused to leave him alone. Thoughts of her death, droplets of crimson on the white as she had been taken from this world far too early.
But he killed her - what did that mean? Why?
For the first time, he wondered about the killer's motivation - he had never before been inclined to think so kindly on the murderer's actions as to attempt to divine a motive, but placing Sephiroth in that position… Suddenly, everything changed, and Cloud wasn't entirely sure that he wanted it to. He wanted to go on hating the bastard who had torn the life from her, the refuse of humanity that had killed his Aerith - but Sephiroth was none of those things. The man was ruthless, a terror in battle, but never needlessly cruel.
So perhaps, maybe, there had been a reason. He had seemed, if the blonde had read him rightly, almost regretful of his actions, so maybe - maybe Aerith wouldn't - but she deserved so much more…
He was distracted for a moment as he approached his apartment by the sight of movement from inside his window - a flash of red on black, whispering away before he had a chance to react.
A person in his window - that probably meant that his place was still occupied. Yuffie and her friend were still there, recovering from - he didn't precisely know what, and wasn't entirely sure that he wanted to ask.
So he turned away and walked down towards a lower sector of the city, guilt warring with love and joining with it, until neither could be distinguished from the other - and the conflicting emotions, too much the same, tore him apart with every step.
XXX
Maybe Roxas couldn't quite help the grin on his face, but that definitely wasn't license for Sora to give him that look - the knowing, amused one that annoyed him so bad. His brother could be a total airhead, but then there were those days when he was way too perceptive for his own good, and damn him, this was apparently one of them. Though he probably wasn't getting exactly what had happened on the skyscraper, he was definitely getting that something was different.
"So did you have fun?" Sora asked, voice innocent as ever, as the two brothers searched the bookshelves in their massive library under Sephiroth's sharp eye, as Zack chatted at the silver-haired man quietly from where he sat in a corner.
"…Stop giving me that look," Roxas muttered as he put a gold-embossed copy of Sense and Sensibility back onto the shelf. "Yes, I had fun. Now stop looking at me like that," he whined as his brother's grin didn't shrink any.
"I'm glad," the brunette returned, happily taking out a Jack London compilation and flipping through the pages. "I know that you don't make friends easily, and even if these aren't the best circumstances, I'm happy that you have."
That statement stopped Roxas short a little bit, because suddenly it occurred to him that his brother must have worried, all of those days when he didn't see anyone, wouldn't go out to climb and play with the brunette's inanely cheerful group of friends. He hadn't seen it then, maybe - but looking back, it was there.
The blonde didn't say anything immediately, because he figured this wouldn't be the best time to bring that up - but that reminder, the thought of what a genuinely good person his brother was, went to his throat.
If I'm ever going to tell him, he thought to himself, caressing the leather cover of a book whose name had been lost to time, then the best time would probably be now. No secrets between us, right? he reminded himself with a small smile - it was a little bit stupid, but it was their tradition, left over from days when their situation was different.
The brothers had learned early that wealth intimidated, it seemed; no one would come close, or stay for long even if they did - at least at during their early years. Without other friends, or even strong acquaintances, and with their parents constantly busy, the two brothers had to be everything for each other - so at Sora's request, they'd started telling each other everything that happened in their day, every little triumph and disappointment.
Though this tradition had fallen into disrepair over the years, Sora was still the most important person in Roxas's life - bar none - and he had a right to know.
"Um, yeah," the blonde agreed to his brother's earlier statement, "That. But, uh… I'm not exactly sure you'd call us 'friends,'" Roxas mumbled, feeling a flash of heat across his cheeks. He shouldn't be embarrassed, dammit.
Sora raised an eyebrow.
"What would you call yourselves, then? I'm not sure just 'acquaintances' would cover it," he informed the other as he added another tome to the stack he was collecting.
"Um… I guess 'lovers' would be the loose term," he mumbled, almost too quietly for Sora to hear it, and kind of hoping that he hadn't. "I don't know what you'd call it technically." The other option in terms, "sweethearts," was excruciatingly painful to think about, and made him choke involuntarily every time it came to mind.
Sora's reaction was blank at first, then a look of realization broke on his face, and Roxas could see everything clicking in his mind way too quickly.
"Wait, do you really mean…" The brunette didn't say much after that, because "we're lovers" was a pretty straightforward statement. "So you're… uh… attracted to men?" he asked in that mild way of his, trying not to judge, though his mind was probably racing. Roxas was glad then that their family had never been particularly religious, because he didn't need to hear any of that.
"Not as a rule, no." Roxas had stopped actively deluding himself about the nature of his feelings towards Axel somewhere in the midst of the second kiss, and all illusions had shattered beautifully during the fourth or fifth. He'd stopped counting.
Shakespeare went back on the shelf, to be replaced in his stack by Tennyson. He turned back to his brother then, and gave him a smile - and Sora's smile was slow but honest.
"So that time when you and Axel were drunk and I walked in to the kitchen…" the brunette asked after a beat, and Roxas winced, remembering how Sora had walked in on what had definitely not been about to become a sexual encounter of any kind. He had thoroughly convinced himself of such at the time, though was taking the time now to reconsider.
"Yes. I mean, no, you didn't walk in on anything! Nothing was happening," he defended himself futilely, feeling his cheeks growing hotter as he continued.
Watching him from behind his stack of leather-bound books, Sora suddenly gave a peal of laughter.
"That's great, Roxas. I'm happy for you. It's great you've found someone you can be with." He frowned then, as if something had just occurred to him. "As long as you're not doing anything… uh… Serious. Not yet."
There was a moment of quiet then.
"You're not, are you?" Sora finally asked, and the question was so out of the blue that Roxas could have sworn he felt his face combusting from shame.
"Sora!"
"What? Just looking out for my older brother!" he responded, giving a grin that said he wasn't really serious.
"No need, but thanks just the same," Roxas returned, giving a resigned sigh and picking up his books, musing only half in earnest that this had been a very bad idea.
XXX
Bringing bad news to the higher-ups in the ShinRa corporation had never been particularly high on Reno's to-do list, but at least today the president was away - which left him dealing with Rufus instead, which was infinitely preferable. At least the blonde had some respect for the Turks and what they did, even if he was a harsh, anal-retentive son of a bitch sometimes.
So he swaggered into the vice president's office, Rude accompanying silently, and he could see Rufus tense as he looked up from his desk, because the redhead had that grin on. The younger ShinRa was fun as all hell to antagonize.
"So, boss," he began, cutting off Rude - who was beginning what was sure to be a very clinical and professional report, which wasn't nearly as much fun. The dark man cleared his throat, but Reno continued anyway. "Turns out we've found out something interesting. You higher ups made a big mistake," he drawled, eyes laughing.
That was not something he would have risked with anyone but Rufus, of course, but the Turk secretly suspected that the blonde enjoyed his rampant insubordination. Life was probably no fun for the controlling bastard unless there was someone to put back in their place.
"You might be wise not to make those statements to me," the vice-president said, gaze flashing in warning. "I will punish you. I'm docking half your pay for the week." He paused then, giving another flourish to the signature he was currently giving to some unimportant document or other.
Reno flinched a little - half of his weeks pay was not crippling, but kind of unusual; usually the man waited until at least the third terribly disrespectful comment before taking pay. The Turks, especially the Four Aces, were important enough - and dangerous enough - to avoid antagonizing them unnecessarily.
"In any case," the blonde continued as if nothing had ever happened, fixing Reno with a half-threatening look, "Did you make that statement for a valid purpose or merely for your own amusement?"
"Bit of both," Reno responded with a toothy grin - he could hear his partner sigh from beside him, and he could practically feel Rude's disapproving gaze boring into his skull, so he figured this might be the time to get down to business. "But anyway, my point was we have a positive ID on the guy who attacked the lab. His name's Vincent Valentine, I dunno if you'll remember that name - but he was a Turk here, little before my time," he informed the other, watching the muscles in his neck tense. "Lab specimen for Hojo after a while - no wonder he's got a grudge. But in any case, he has fuckin' nothin' to do with the Organization."
He paused for dramatic effect.
"So you fucked up big time, sending two of our captains and the General off on an assignment that has no fucking purpose," the redhead drawled with a hand gesture to emphasize.
The look the vice-president shot him then was smoldering, but reined in - like he wasn't quite on the verge of physical assault yet, but might be in a minute if he got pushed too far.
"You will learn to watch your tongue around me, Turk," he growled, standing up from his desk quickly. "I want the order out now that the General and the others are recalled from assignment, and those resources will be devoted instead to finding and killing Vincent Valentine."
The authority in his voice was hardly new, but it was surprising - usually he at least pretended to be alright with letting his father have control over the company.
"Uh, boss, aren'tcha gonna wait 'till your dad…"
"No. I will not allow our company's strength to diminish simply because my father is away," he responded, golden baritone harsh. "Call the Organization. Give them money or pardons or whatever, but I want them back on our side."
The blonde stood up straighter suddenly, and his gaze had a sharpness to it that meant he had just had a sudden inspiration.
"Tell them," Rufus began, and Rude shifted uncomfortably beside the redhead, as if he knew that this could not bode well, "that we will help them to hunt this Rogue they've been having such trouble with, if in return for our goodwill they will assist us with the hunting of our own."
Reno didn't let his grin fall, even though that didn't sit entirely right with him - instinct or whatever, he wasn't quite sure. But despite his misgivings, he knew that this was not the time to challenge Rufus again.
"Yes sir," he responded, giving a salute that was more mocking than anything, and left to follow his boss's orders, ignoring the feeling in his gut that said this might be a very bad idea.
*~*~*
XXX
I confuse myself writing this sometimes… And apologies for the super-long chapter. I just couldn't end it, heh.
Comment if you like? Thanks for all the responses on the last chapter, guys, you really made me happy.
I love each and every one of you. No really.
