Friday morning JJ is released from the hospital. Emily had opted to use this as her day of suspension so she can get her wife home and help her settle in. Though physically she is fine, the doctors had warned the PCP could still cause flashes of paranoia or violence until it is completely out of JJ's system. As Emily drives towards the house, JJ looks over at her.
"How bad was I, Em?"
"What do you mean?" Emily asks hesitantly.
"You know what I mean. The…the big black hole in my mind. I know I was awake on and off. What happened? I need to know."
Emily swallows. "Jen, please know none of us hold anything you said or did against you."
JJ studies her wife. "I'm the one that scratched you, right?"
Emily nods. "Right." Emily tells her what happened in the conference room. JJ inhales sharply. "But it wasn't you, Jen! We know that. You know that."
"Maybe not." JJ now understands the bruises and cuts the team had shrugged off the night before. They hadn't wanted to hurt her.
"Jen, think about this: how often have you or I said that the other one has done something on a case that was a total turn on. With our mind intact we don't act on those feelings. At least not in the middle of the conference room at a police station. The drugs took away your ability to think clearly."
"How did you stop me?"
"Well, after you went all 'Chuck Norris' on the team, I sort of…well…shit…I choked you out."
JJ raises a hand to her throat. "These bruises…are from you?"
Emily nods. "Yeah. You started to come around and I had to choke you out again. Jen, we were in a cop shop and you were going insane. It was choke you out or watch you get shot when we couldn't control you. I'm sorry you are bruised but I'm not sorry I did that." Emily bites her lip, worried JJ would be angry.
JJ pats Emily's thigh. "Thank you."
Emily glances at her. "What?"
JJ smiles. "I said thank you. You saved me, Em. And if I scratched you up and went after the team you had to do it. Thank you."
Emily smiles, relief flowing through her. "Thank you for understanding."
"So, uh, what else happened?"
"Are you sure you really wanted to know? Jen, any insecurity you've ever had came pouring out of you in furious accusations."
"Oh? Like what?"
"You accused me of wanting to give Morgan a blow job for one."
JJ blushes and covers her face. "Oh, God."
"You were pretty bad to your mother and Mark, too. But none of us hold it against you, baby, I swear."
"I am so sorry, Emily. For everything I did or said to you."
Emily smiles. "Forgiven, Jennifer."
They pull into the driveway and the front door is opened by a beaming Sandy. Emily looks at her wife.
"And if you don't believe you're forgiven, just look at the smile on your mother's face."
JJ nods, tears in her eyes. "Yeah, I see that."
Sandy opens JJ's door. "Do you need help, Jenny? Lean on me if you need to."
JJ smiles. "I'm okay, Mom. Really. Still have a headache but other than that I'm fine." She glances at Emily, who stands there frowning. "Em? What's wrong?"
"Other than that first day at the morgue, I never got a headache. Not even when I was terrified for you or staring into the barrel of Winkler's shotgun," she answers in amazement.
JJ smiles. "That's wonderful, Em. Maybe your head is turning back into stone finally."
Emily glares at her wife. "Oh, yeah, you're feeling better."
JJ and Sandy chuckle as they head inside. Mark is on the phone and hands it to JJ.
"Tell Shelby you're really okay."
JJ takes the phone, smiling. "Shelby, I'm really okay. Thank you for sending Mark to help me and Mom. It really means a lot to me."
"And has he been calling you that terrible nickname?"
"Not yet that I can remember. But I'm sure once he sees I'm really okay he'll start up again."
"Start what, Stinkerbell?"
"And as if on cue," JJ says with a laugh.
"Tell him to be nice or else."
"Or else what?" JJ asks.
"He knows. Trust me," Shelby assures her. "I'm glad you're alright, JJ. Uh, how will this affect, you know, having a baby?"
"According to the doctor, it shouldn't. We'll keep doing blood tests and maybe even some deep tissue tests. We'll just take it a day at a time and move forward when we know my body is completely okay and won't hurt the baby."
"That's wonderful, Jenny. I can't wait to see another little one in the family."
"Well, since Mark knocked you up again I have to do something to keep up. Can't have him acting like he's the better child by supplying more grandkids than me."
Shelby starts to laugh. "Are you and Mark ever going to get over the sibling rivalry?"
"Heck no. It's way too much fun."
"Oh, geez. Emily and I so need to get together to commiserate."
JJ chuckles. "Ah, you love us and you know it."
"Yes, I do. Very much."
"I love you, too, Shel." JJ hands the phone back to Mark. "If you call me Stinkerbell again she's gonna get you."
Mark chuckles. "I'll let you know if I'm worried, Stink."
Emily rolls her eyes and looks at Sandy. "My kids are going to be just as bad, aren't they?"
Sandy laughs and gives her a one-armed hug. "You know it, Emily."
Emily just shakes her head in amusement.
At JJ's insistence, Mark and Sandy leave in the early afternoon. Though she appreciated their concern she explained she just needed some time to get past the things she was learning she had said and done while under the influence.
For dinner that night, Emily makes chicken spaghetti, one of JJ's childhood comfort foods. As they finish, Emily takes JJ's hand.
"You've been pretty quiet, baby."
"Oh, uh, sorry. It was really good, Em."
"Hey, now, I wasn't fishing for compliments. I was more looking to find out where your head is."
JJ slides her empty plate away and leans on the table. "I can't believe I said such terrible things to Mark and Mom. And I really can't believe that they just forgave me; that they insisted they aren't hurt by those things."
"Jennifer, you were a good kid. But I know there were a couple times you pissed your parents and brother off or disappointed them. Tell me it didn't flash through your conscience that Amy wouldn't have done that."
JJ shrugs. "Maybe."
"I'm telling you it did happen. Mark said he did the same thing when he got in trouble. You were both living with a ghost and sometimes that can be pretty hard. It's natural for siblings to think their deceased brother or sister wouldn't have caused the same problem." She squeezes JJ's hand. "Look at me, Jen. You know I've studied the way children act, how they respond to death and murder. Your feelings back then were natural. And when you were so heavily dosed with the PCP, Rohipnol and Shroom concoction those childhood fears became adult reality."
"Yeah, I guess so."
"I know so, Jennifer. I also know your heart. I know it's going to take you a few days to believe this so know that I am right here to remind you any time you need me to, okay?"
JJ smiles and kisses Emily's hand. "Okay. What did I ever do to deserve you?"
Emily winks at her. "I never said you- -"
"Oh, hush," JJ says, stopping the old joke between them. She stands. "How about a dip in the pool?"
"Sounds perfect. And with no little ones to watch we can have a little fun," Emily says, wiggling her eyebrows.
JJ grins. "Hmm…you could be right."
They quickly change into bathing suits. Emily gets a bottle of the Dupois apple cider and a couple of glasses. JJ may not be allowed to drink alcohol but they could at least pretend to have wine. Emily turns on the lights to the pool knowing it would be full dark before they are done. She grabs a couple of clean towels out of the pool closet. She turns to walk outside…and nearly drops everything in her hands.
JJ smiles. "Did I mention I bought a new bikini?"
Emily's throat is as dry as the Sahara. Her gorgeous wife stands before her in a bright red string bikini that just barely covers anything. The matching half robe that goes with it is made of a gauzy material that just teases about what is hidden below. JJ smiles, recognizing the feral look in her wife's eyes.
"I take it that means you like it?"
Emily can only nod. JJ turns and walks out to the pool, feeling her wife's eyes following her every step. Emily finally gets her legs to work and follows. She watches as JJ turns to her and allows the robe to slip from her shoulders. JJ slowly walks down the steps into the pool, her eyes never leaving her wife. As the cool water hits her, her nipples immediately harden, causing Emily to moan.
"So, you going to stand there all night or what?" JJ challenges.
Emily hurries to the side of the pool. She pours them both a goblet of cider and steps into the pool to join her wife. She offers one to her wife.
"To us," she toasts.
JJ clinks her glass against her wife's. "Now and forever."
Emily smiles. "Ahora y para siempre."
They each take a sip of the sweet drink. JJ then takes Emily's glass and sets them both on the side of the pool. She wraps her legs around Emily's waist as Emily walks them deeper into the pool. JJ has one arm around Emily's neck. Her free hand gently traces the scratches on Emily's face and then the ones on her chest.
"They are fine, Jennifer," Emily tells her.
JJ leans closer, gently kissing the ones on her wife's cheek. Emily lets out a low moan. JJ then eases down and kisses the ones on Emily's chest, drawing her tongue lightly over each one. Emily's hands knead her wife's ass. JJ looks up into eyes nearly black with desire.
"All better?"
"Hell, yeah," Emily says as her mouth crashes into JJ's. One of the best things about a bikini is just how damn easy it is to get off. Emily's hand unties the bra top. As it falls open she grabs both of JJ's breasts.
"Oh, Em! Yes, baby!"
Emily toys with pert nipples as she kisses along JJ's jaw to her ear. She sucks the lobe into her mouth, biting it lightly.
"OH! Fuck, Em, yes," JJ breathes.
Emily releases the ear. "I love you, Jennifer Jareau Prentiss." She whispers, loving the tremor the words send through JJ's body. She slides a hand down her wife's torso, feeling strong stomach muscles clenching. With the flick of a wrist the tie on the side of the bikini is undone. JJ reaches down and unties the other side. Emily grins. "Have I said how much I love this new bikini?"
JJ just groans, her center thrusting against Emily's stomach. Emily moves them to the side of the pool. She leans against it, leaving room for JJ's legs. It's slightly uncomfortable but oh, soooo worth it. Her hand reaches between them and strokes JJ's soft curls. JJ thrusts against the hand.
"Please, Em, I need you. Don't tease. Just…just take me."
Emily pumps two fingers into her wife. JJ gladly meets the invasion. Emily again kisses JJ, her tongue matching the rhythm of the hand diving into her wife's wet folds. Almost sooner than they want JJ is coming, screaming her joy into her wife's mouth. JJ's legs drop slowly to the bottom of the pool.
Emily leans more against the wall. She turns her wife in her arms, settling JJ's back to her chest. JJ's legs float out on the water in front of them. Emily kisses her neck.
"I love you, Jennifer."
"I love you, too, Em. Give me a second. I'm so…so tired."
Emily holds her closer, nuzzling her neck. "It's okay, Jen. I came just from your response. I just want to hold you now. I want to hold you not because you need me to chase away the nightmares. I want to hold you just because you want to feel my love for you."
JJ turns her head and kisses Emily's cheek. "I always feel your love, Emily. Always."
