A/N:
Hope you enjoy, leave a review if you can, and see you in the next chapter.
(Armin P.O.V)
I could almost swear the rain was drenched through to my skin by now, even if I'd had the hood on it wouldn't have helped. I guess I only did it to myself since I was so slow. But I got winded way too easily and my mind had travelled elsewhere while we were doing laps. Eren stuck by me as much as he could, but when he was yelled at by the commanding officer he had no choice but to leave me behind, whispering a sorry to me before leaving.
I felt my heart burn in my chest from overworking and I tried to ignore it. But it was becoming more and more impossible the longer we ran.
'What a disappointment I am to you, brother.' I thought hopelessly. 'Please don't be mad.'
"Arlert!" Screamed the officer. "If you don't get your sorry ass in with the rest of the group I'll make you clean dishes with your tongue! Hope you like three day old stew!"
I gritted my teeth and brought up the pace. The officer in charge of us wouldn't have actually done this to me, but I knew he'd make me run more laps until long after sunset were I not to listen. He did it to Sasha… he'll do so to me as well.
Poor girl had nearly collapsed from exhaustion, or so Mikasa had told us, and by the next day she learned to hide her food a lot better. She was sweet though, and you couldn't fault her for being like she was. Some people understood what a smile, and food, could do for one's sanity and happiness.
I caught up to the second last person in the group, Connie I think his name was, and he patted my back happily.
"Good thing you hurried up there, Arlert!" He he responded with a smile. "Don't know how much you woulda' liked licking all those plates."
I forced a chuckle out and continued running. Connie was a nice guy and he never seemed to have a problem with anyone while we were training. Unlike Annie or Jean, where she ignored everyone she met, and he tried to pick a fight with Eren. All because of something he'd said over the colossal titan. We were there, we saw it, and we watched it destroy the wall and our homes…
…
And our family members.
The officer in charge of training let us stop the laps and commanded that we go inside. We were finally done for today.
The next step for tomorrow, one that we'd all been waiting for since getting in the military, would be working with the three dimensional maneuvering gear. For the past few years it'd been nothing but strength and mind training, but now we got to be real soldiers and learn how to maneuver like them as well. But for now we were allowed to eat and then rest.
We all walked into the mess hall, muddied and dirty, and each sat down at a respective seat. I, of course, sat down with Eren and Mikasa, but I was too tired to carry on with a conversation. My father warned me about joining in the military, and yet still I decided to go with it.
He was probably laughing his ass off just thinking about it…
…that or worrying over me.
I noticed in our three years of training that both Eren and Mikasa were absolutely dominating the fields in their own way. Mikasa was a phenomenal soldier and always led the way in marches or laps, and she was a hell of a lot stronger than a bunch of soldiers I'd met in my lifetime. I even briefly wondered how Matt would do in a fight against her if what he said about being top of his class was true. As for Eren, he wasn't as good as Mikasa, but he had heart and lots of it. Always trying to prove himself, always going above and beyond the call of duty. He did better than I expected him to.
…and then there was scraggly little me. Coming in from behind almost every time.
At least I hadn't been kicked out…yet.
I rested my head in my arms and listened to the two talk about what had been going on in the past few hours.
"So who cut your hair again?" Eren asked. "It looks shorter than before."
Mikasa hummed. "Mina. She caught me trying to cut it myself and helped me out."
Eren huffed at this. "At least someone around here cares about others. It feels like everyone's out for themselves here. Maybe they are."
"Most of the people you see lost something or another in the attack." I commented tiredly. "You can't fault them for being a bit angry and untrustworthy."
"It was the titans fault, not ours." Eren reasoned.
"I know that, don't think that I don't. But once you lose something… something you can't get back, it's hard to find a reason to trust anyone else. I'd think you knew that more than anyone, Eren."
He grumbled. "What happened to my mother had nothing to do with humanity and trusting the wrong people. It was the titans that took her, and I'll kill every last one of them to avenge her and everything else that was lost!"
"Revenge is a childish concept, Eren." I said solemnly. "You're not ten anymore."
"Don't you want to get back at those things for what they did to your brother!?"
I slammed my hand on the table, effectively silencing him and everyone else in the mess hall. It wasn't like me to act this way, but I hated it when Eren brought up Mello in front of me.
"What happened to my brother was an accident, not even caused by the titans. He gave his life for me and everyone else in my family, including you and Mikasa. He did it because there was no other way. There's no getting him back… and that's why people have trust issues. They can't trust that everyone will be there when they wake up next, and they can't trust that they won't get eaten by some monster from the outside. I hardly trust it myself, but I have to believe that things will get better. Mello always drilled that into my thoughts, so I have to believe it."
I stood up from my seat and walked away. "I'm no longer hungry."
I walked out into the pouring rain and headed for the barracks. I needed to be alone now and think about things.
Without Eren's influence.
(Eren P.O.V)
Mikasa pushed a plate of food to me. "Go apologize."
"What? Why…?"
"His brother died one year ago today. Don't you remember? Yet you went ahead and disrespected him as well as hurt him over this memory. Mello's death affected him more than anyone, and he needs a friend more than he needs a soldier."
I blinked in pure shock. "You're kidding me… today? Geez, I barely even remembered! How could I be so stupid!?"
She pushed the plate of food to me once again. "He needs his friend. I know he won't talk to me so that leaves you. Go now and take some food. He doesn't eat that much as it is, we can't have him starving to death."
I said nothing more before taking the plate of food and hurrying out into the rain. I'd figured he'd gone to the barracks so I went there immediately, covering the food so it wouldn't get drenched.
Like I'd expected, I found Armin out of his uniform and curled up under his covers facing away from everyone.
I felt my heart break at this.
Since we slept next to each other in the bunks I caught him crying on more than one occasion. Even worse was that he hid it away from everyone as best as he could. Including me. It made me fear for his health when he got depressed like this and I tried to help him as best as I could. But god only knew I wasn't right for the job in this instance. It seemed like all I did was make matters worse for the both of us. Like today for example.
I set the food down in between us and climbed into my side of the bed.
"Armin?" I spoke, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Talk to me."
He was silent for what felt like forever before he finally said something through muttered tears.
"Do you miss her?"
"Hmm? Who do you mean?"
He rolled over slightly to look at me. "Your mother. Do you miss her?"
I swallowed back my own sorrow. "Every day. I only wish I knew where my father was so I could tell him what had happened."
I dug into my shirt and pulled out the key to the basement to look at it. "But… maybe he knows already."
The blonde sunk back into his sheets. "I don't blame Matt for anything that happened… but I just wish I'd been there to help. If I could have just caught him…"
"He still would have let go." I interjected. "To save you. It's how he was. Always looking out for those he loved most."
"I still feel like it's my fault." He whimpered. "Like I let him fall to his death."
I crawled in beside him to embrace him in a hug, shaking slightly from the sadness. "It isn't your fault. There wasn't anything you could have done. Not even Matt could do anything."
"But if I lost him then…"
"Stop it!" I demanded, hugging a bit tighter. "You won't lose anyone else, I swear it. Not me, not Mikasa, NO ONE! We'll always be here for you."
"Mihael promised the same… but he's gone."
"It's different with us." I promised him. "We won't abandon you like that. We'll be here for as long as you need us."
He sniffled slightly. "I can't believe that."
"You'll have to. Friends like us don't get taken away from each other. And I already made the promise to you that we'd find the sea and live there together. Just the two of us. I won't give up on that dream quite yet."
I heard him cough up a chuckle and it made me smile.
I took the food from between us and served it to him properly. "A gift from the mess hall, to replenish your strength… and to help me apologize for bringing all this up. I know how you must feel, and it was wrong of me to say something so over the line."
He hummed slightly before sitting up to eat.
I took notice of his frail form and tiny waist, wondering if he'd even eaten anything yesterday let alone today. He hadn't been taking very good care of himself lately and it worried me slightly. But other than those minor imperfections, I thought he looked absolutely stunning. I don't know how he did it in a place so void of cleanliness but he managed to always look like he was glowing. Maybe that was just natural of him, but I loved that aspect about him. I questioned every now and then whether I should tell him how much I treasured him like this, but I kept those opinions to myself for the moment.
I didn't need everyone harassing us for having those feelings… if Armin shared the same.
I'd tell him as some point, but for the moment I waited. I'd probably be waiting for another year or two, but when it all came around I'd make it a perfect moment for the both of us. I just needed a way to show him how much I truly cared for him.
But how?
Some of the other soldiers joined us in the barracks and I had to back away from Armin. I couldn't give them a reason to mock us. Especially now of all times.
The blonde finished up his food and hid the plate somewhere until morning. We couldn't have the guard finding it and thinking we stole food. It'd be returned to the mess hall in the morning but for now it had to stay out of sight.
The rest of the evening was spent in talk about tomorrow's new lesson on the gear we'd get to use. I'd heard it was a lengthy process, but how hard could it really be?
…right?
