The Next Morning
I woke in the morning to the sound of a whistle. I listened closer to realize it was just a kettle. I slowly sat up on the surprisingly comfortable sofa. I checked my surroundings and remembered that I had fallen asleep at Draco's. What an odd thought. His home reminded me a lot of the manor he had once lived in, though it was a bit lighter. The windows were kept open, the walls were pristinely white, and despite the general darkness of all of the furniture, the room seemed more full of life than his previous home ever had. I ran a hand through my hair to push it out of my face as I stood. I carefully folded the blankets and put them on one end of the sofa. I didn't assume Draco was awake. I had a feeling the kettle was being magicked, or worse, he had a house elf that made it for him every morning. So I slipped my shoes back on and started down the hallway, glancing into the kitchen as I walked by it. I stopped short when I realized Draco was awake and making the tea himself.
"Heading out?" He asked without looking up.
"Yeah, I should get home to her."
"You should," He agreed patiently. "But if you wanted to grab some food before you left, I wouldn't say no."
I glanced behind him and noticed the dining table at the other end of the kitchen. There were two mugs sitting across from each other, each with a bag of Earl Grey waiting inside of them. He planned for me to stay for breakfast. I wondered, briefly, what his motive could be behind this. Perhaps this was the olive branch that we had been needing all these years. "Sure," I said. I slipped into the narrow galley kitchen and walked past him, making a beeline for the table. As I sat down I heard toast pop on the counter behind Draco, who was looking in his refrigerator for something. Without looking, he grabbed his wand from his pocket and casually flicked it in the direction of the toaster. The toast floated through the air toward me, landing on a little plate in front of me.
"Marmalade or jam?" He asked, head deep in the fridge.
"Marmalade," I took my own wand out, summoning the now boiled water from the stove top and carefully having it pour into my cup. Sometimes I forgot that magic could be used for the simplest of things. Even after all these years of being in the magical world, I still felt the impulse to just do everything the muggle way. I still got a little thrill out of it when simple magic like this was performed. It was wonderful. Without being asked, I poured water into his cup as well before returning the now empty kettle to the stove.
Draco placed a small mason jar of marmalade in front of me and moved to sit across from me with his own jar of jam. Magic swirled about us: knives easily brushing the fruit spreads across our toast, spoon stirring the tea, the tea bags vanishing when they had fulfilled their purpose, cubes of sugar dropping into the warm liquids and evaporating quickly. We did this with little thought. The menial tasks finished, I cradled my cup of tea in my hands. I looked up at him just as I was raising the cup up to my lips. He happened to look up at the same time. "This is really weird," I commented casually before taking a sip of my tea.
"If you had told twelve year old me that I would be having breakfast with you someday I probably wouldn't have believed it," Draco commented.
"Me neither. I probably would have gotten angry for simply insinuating it was possible."
"Yeah, you never liked me. Can't say I blame you though," He admitted.
"You were a right git most of the time." I teased good naturedly, taking a bite of my marmalade slathered toast. "Remember when everyone thought I was the heir of Slytherin and you got jealous that I got all of the attention for it?"
He raised an eyebrow, "Yes. How did you know that?"
"Oh, remember that one night where Crabbe and Goyle acted really weird? Stomachaches and all that early in the school year?" I asked, smiling to myself knowingly.
"Vaguely, why?"
"Well, that was me and Ron."
"What are you talking about?" He said with total disbelief.
"Well, we suspected you were the heir of Slytherin. So Hermione helped us brew Polyjuice potion and we knocked your friends out, shoved 'em in a broom closet, and put their hairs in our polyjuice potion. It was sort of hilarious to see you acting all smug in front of the people you thought were your closest friends."
He dropped the crust of his toast back onto his plate and shook his head, "You arse. You spied on me in my own common room," He said with a smile.
"Yeah, and you never were the wiser."
"How the hell did Granger make Polyjuice in her second year?"
"They don't say she's the smartest witch of her age for nothing."
"Obviously the statement proves true," He said with a mild tone of surprise. "You're lucky to have her as a friend."
"I know it. I'm pretty sure I would have died a long time ago if not for her. I know I never would have defeated Riddle without her," I said earnestly.
Draco said nothing to this, opting to finish his food instead. He stood, casting a spell on the dishes. They floated in the air as they cleaned themselves, eventually tucking themselves in place in the cabinets. "Well, I have to head to work soon here, Harry."
"Right, of course. I'll go," I said quickly, realizing I was probably overstaying my welcome.
"It's fine, you can stay here as long as you like. It's not like I don't trust you in my own home, Harry. If you need to stay longer you can," He assured me.
"That's very kind, but I should go. She'll be worrying right about now." I explained. "Thank you for letting me stay, and feeding me. It was more than I would have expected."
"Good to know I can surpass your expectations." He smiled as he leaned in the entryway of the kitchen, looking at me fondly.
"Right, well," I said awkwardly, "I'll see you later?"
"Will you?" He asked before I even had a chance to apparate away.
This caught me off guard, "I — I don't know. Probably."
He shrugged like he didn't care either way, "Alright then. Bye now."
I turned quickly in his kitchen, apparating from London back to my home with Ginny in a small rural town. I landed just outside our front door. It wasn't much of a home. Just a tiny cottage in the midst of many hills. We had just purchased it. Well, I had purchased it. I still had most of my parent's inheritance and I had used much of it to buy us our own place after she graduated. Nobody had been particularly happy about the decision at the time, and now after this fight I couldn't help but wonder if they were right to think that we had moved in too soon.
I headed to the front door but it swung open before I could knock.
Ginny stood in the doorway. Her eyes were swollen and red.
"Hello," I started.
"I couldn't sleep for worrying about where you were and whether or not you were safe and all you can say is 'hello'?" Ginny accused angrily. I realized that I had seen this play out before. I had just made the same mistake Ron had made with Hermione.
"Shit, sorry. I should have known better. Can I try that again?"
Ginny sighed, "Yeah. Alright." She shut the door on me and opened it again a few moments later.
"I'm so sorry," I said as soon as the door began to crack open. "I shouldn't have run away in the middle of an argument. I'm not sorry for my opinion, but I'm sorry if I inadvertently hurt your feelings with it."
She crossed her arms across her chest and walked out to meet me, letting the door close behind her. She stood closer to me, but still out of arm's reach. "Do you think I'm weak?"
"Of course not. You're one of the strongest people I know," I insisted.
"Then why are you so worried about me getting hurt if I go to play Quidditch?"
"I watched your skull break on the pitch. I thought you were going to die."
"Why would I die?" She asked, genuinely puzzled.
"In the muggle world, that injury would have killed you. My instinctual fear was that you were going to die. That's why I was so … protective after that happened."
"And that's why you don't want me to go out for Quidditch professionally?"
"Yes. But if it is what you truly want, I will support you. Not that I can stop you from doing what you want, of course. But I'll set my opinions aside for you. I'll come to every single match and be the biggest supporter the team has ever had, I promise you that."
She hesitated a moment before muttering, "You really mean it?"
"Yes."
"I'm going to tell her yes. I'm going to join her team."
I smiled, "All I care about is your happiness. If it makes you happy, then you should."
"It will make me happy," She said, "But not as happy as having you home makes me."
I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around her, holding her close. Her arms encircled me and her chin rested on my shoulder. "I love you," I murmured as I ran my hand over her hair down her back. It was like silk, as always.
"I love you too," She said sweetly, pulling back to kiss me. When we finally pulled apart she took my hand and we headed inside. "So, where did you go last night? I asked Ron and Hermione, but they said you weren't with them. You didn't go to my mother, did you?"
I laughed a little at that, "No. That wouldn't have been fair. I, uh, I actually went to Draco's place, in London."
Just as we were about to walk through the door she stopped in her tracks. She turned to face me. She stood in the doorway again, and I stood just outside it. "You — you went to see Malfoy?"
"Yes. What's the matter?"
"We get in a fight and you go spend the night at what is effectively your ex's house?"
"I mean — I guess, technically. But I don't really think of him like that."
"Did you sleep with him?" She asked, suddenly enraged again.
"No!" I shouted back, stunned she would accuse me of such a thing. "I would never cheat on you, Ginny. Why on earth would you think that? I went to him because —" I cut myself off.
"Yes, exactly why did you leave in the middle of our fight to go to Draco's?"
This put me in a tight spot. But I knew she would be more furious if I didn't tell her the absolute truth. "I got so angry, Ginny. We were screaming so loud and I just kept getting angrier. And I had this terrifying impulse of violence. It scared the hell out of me. I honestly was worried I had remnants of the horcrux leftover or some part of Riddle still in me. So I went to him. Because I figured that he of all people would know what it's like to have such terrible thoughts."
"You're a moron Harry Potter," Her voice trembled and her eyes were red again. I could actually see the tears welling up. I had no idea what I had done. "You didn't once think that I might understand? How can you be so thick? How many times do I have to remind you that I remember what it feels like to have Tom Riddle in my head? You could have told me, Harry!" Her volume kept rising the more she talked, "I would have understood. But instead you chose to run away from me straight into a former lover's arms?"
"It wasn't like that, Ginny —" I tried to explain frantically.
"It is exactly like that. That is what you did. You didn't feel like you could trust me with what you were thinking, so you went to someone else. And not just anyone else, oh no, the only other person you've ever had sex with. But why should I be worried? You're innocent as always. Can't do a thing wrong by your standards."
"How could I tell you that I got so angry I wanted to hurt you? And it wasn't like I thought it out logically before making a decision. It was just the first thing I thought of."
It turned out that this was the worst thing I could have said in that moment. The tears fell down her cheeks fast and hard. "Your first thought was to talk to him, not me. He was your instinct, the first person you thought to turn to."
"Ginny,"
"No. Just go, Harry. Go back to him. He's the one you really want apparently."
"No, that's not it at all," I tried to argue but she stepped fully into the house and slammed the door in my face. I tried knocking on the door and talking to her, but I had a feeling that she had cast a silencing charm on the door to shut me out in all possible ways. After a solid hour of this begging and pleading, I gave up. I slumped against the door, covering my face with my hands. My heart was racing and I could feel myself shaking slightly with panic. She had just turned me out. Last time I had run off. But now I had officially been told to get out. And this time, I didn't have a valid excuse as to my behavior. I didn't think her outrage was quite so justified, but it broke my heart to know that she thought that I preferred Draco over her. It was hardly the case. He was … well, I didn't know what he was to me. But she was the one I loved. Not Draco. I doubted I could ever care about Draco the way that I cared about Ginny.
But now I was in the same situation as before. I had nobody to go to, again. Ron and Hermione would likely take sides in it and the fight would extend to them. It would become a whole mess. I certainly couldn't stay with Molly and Arthur, and I had no other resemblance of family aside from the Weasleys. I stood and apparated right back to the place I had left just a couple of hours before.
I appeared on his doorstep, but remembered that he was likely at work all day. It was only ten. I apparated back into my house. Ginny was not in the room that I appeared in, our bedroom. I scrambled a bag together, slipping on my invisibility cloak. I thought of apparating then and there, but my curiosity got the best of me. I slipped out of our room and headed into the hall. I heard her crying almost instantly. I stepped soundlessly into the living room and saw her curled up on the couch. She held one of the throw pillows in her arms. Her hair was plastered across her face as she sobbed hopelessly.
I felt a pain not unlike the pain I felt each time one of the horcruxes was killed. It was an immense, unbearable feeling. I quietly stepped back out of the room, slinking back into our bedroom and apparating there where she would not hear the pop of the apparition.
I ended up on his doorstep again, a bag over my shoulder and the cloak covering me completely. I sat down on the step and leaned against his door. I would wait for him to come home and I would explain everything to him. He would surely understand. I could not believe that this had happened two days in a row, so much pain and anguish in such a short period of time.
Having hours to wait for him, I spent quite a bit of time thinking. Why was it that he had been the first person that I had thought of turning to? Was it really just because he was a dark bloke who would understand my violent thoughts? Or was it something else? Did Ginny have a valid reason to suspect me of being attracted to Draco? I certainly didn't think I was. I loved her more than anything. While I certainly felt differently about Draco now than I had in the past, I couldn't help but wonder what those feelings were exactly. I wondered if I would care if he died. I knew immediately that I would. It would not hurt as much as losing Ginny, but it was a similar kind of pain. My feelings were muddled and confusing, and they weren't helped when Draco finally appeared as the sun was setting. He started toward me, but didn't react to me. I realized he still couldn't see that I was there.
I pulled the cloak off over my head as he started toward the steps. He jumped back in surprise and almost fell over. "Bloody hell, Potter!"
I stood in front of him, standing a step or two above him. "Hey, um, so, something kind of happened. I might need to crash here for a little while."
"Isn't that what Ron and Hermione are for?" He asked as he stepped up beside me and went to unlock the front door.
"I'll explain inside," I said.
Draco opened the door and lead me in, shutting it and turning to face me. "Alright, out with it. What idiotic thing did you do now?"
"I came here."
"What are you talking about?"
"I went home, I apologized for leaving and getting mad in the first place, she forgave me. Then she asked me where I was last night and I told her the truth and she was outraged."
"You are so fucking stupid sometimes," Draco said, shaking his head and starting up the stairs. He gestured for me to follow him. "Did you not think before you spoke?"
"I thought of whether or not to tell her the truth, and I opted to be honest. What's so bad about that?"
"What's bad about it is that you told her you spent the night at my house. Me, of all people. I only assume she knows we have a history."
"Yeah, she knows."
"Now, I know you didn't come here to mess around, obviously. But she didn't know that. She just saw the facts."
"Well I told her nothing happened," I argued as he slipped into his room and shut the door halfway. I waited in the hall, our voices carrying through the crack of the door.
"So what really got her mad then?" He asked, his voice shifting slightly as he went about changing his clothes.
"I don't know. I told her that I didn't really mean to come here. It had just been the first thing I thought of, that you were the first person I thought to talk to about it. She was insulted that I didn't feel comfortable confiding in her about it," I explained.
"Well, that's pretty much what couples are supposed to do, isn't it? Support each other and all of that mess? It probably didn't sound good to say you felt more supported by your — can I say ex?" He asked as he popped back out of his room in a different shade of flannel pyjamas than the ones he had worn last night.
"Yeah, might as well. Easier than saying 'that one guy I fucked a couple times'," I reasoned with a shrug.
He smirked, "Okay, well, that being said. It probably upset her to hear that you felt more comfortable confiding in your ex than in her." He raised an eyebrow toward me, "It also probably wasn't the smartest idea to come back here, either. Why not go to Ron and Hermione's?"
"They'd take sides. I didn't want them to have to."
"So what's your plan then? Hole up here for the night and go back and make the same mistake again?"
I started to speak and gave up. I had no plan. I looked away with a frown.
"You really didn't think before you came here, did you?"
"Not really, no."
"Well, I suppose that might make a good enough excuse for you. You only think of coming to me when you're not thinking at all," He suggested kindly.
"I'll mention it. But I don't think I should go back anytime soon. I have a bad feeling that we may be … on hiatus," I said. I had not really considered this until now. This was our first truly bad fight. She had never been so mad. Perhaps this was a break. I had to believe that it was not a permanent sort of break, and was instead a hiatus as I had said.
Draco appeared sympathetic to this, "I'm sorry. I wish there was something I could do to help you, but I'm afraid I'll only make things worse."
I shrugged, "We're on hiatus. I don't think there's anything you can do that will help or hurt, to be perfectly honest."
He seemed to consider this for a moment, "I could make you hot chocolate."
I smiled, "That actually sounds wonderful."
He smiled and headed downstairs. I followed him.
