I must say, I really enjoyed writing this chapter. Hope everyone enjoys! :)

Chapter 12: 3,456 words


The inside of the community college was nothing big or out of the ordinary. It sort of looked like Dean's old high school. Not that he had many clear memories of that.

Dean got the feeling he would feel as if he were in high school all over again. He had a sort of premonition that something would head his way and rattle him up again. He wasn't sure that if he were to start his college career, he would finish it. And it would all end up being both a waste of time and money.

Chuck convinced him to go through with it, telling him he had nothing left to lose. And of course, no one could argue with that. Chuck did most of the talking, while Dean stood back and listened carefully. He had a lot of questions, and somehow Chuck knew about them because he knew just what to ask. Dean felt a little bit stupid near the end, when he looked around and saw that he was the only one with a spokesperson.

"Dean, are you sure you don't want to go ahead and register today?" Chuck asked with a clear tone of irritation in his voice.

Dean let out a tired breath. "I just don't know if I can handle school with my full time job. When does it even start?"

Chuck sighed, exasperatedly. "You would be registering for the fall semester, Dean. That's not till August. Besides, you can choose your classes at any other time. I really think it would be wise to do this now."

"Fine," Dean said, defeated. "Let's just get this over with."

With Chuck's help, Dean was officially registered for college. What an achievement for the drunk with a minimum job that will take him nowhere. He deserved a pad on the back.

"I had too much soda today. Yup, I think it's time to drain it all out now," Dean announced as they walked down the campus' hallways. "Meet you in the parking lot."

Chuck nodded and headed out the door, while Dean searched for the bathrooms. Dean didn't care for asking around, so he got lost going in circles that felt more like squares. By the time he saw the big sign that titled Restrooms he was just about ready to explode. As he headed inside, Dean heard an obnoxious, loud laughter he hadn't heard in a while. Dean backtracked a little, looking in the direction the noise was coming from.

What his eyes showed him made his guts nearly burst into flames and dissolve in pure acid. Ruby stood at the far end of the hallway, tiptoeing to kiss an extremely tall dude—a dude that was most definitely not his baby brother. Dean walked a couple steps to their direction, but he had to stop abruptly as the pressure in his jeans didn't let him walk properly. As much as he wanted to, he couldn't hold it in any longer. He bit his lip and swore under his breath as he reluctantly ran into the bathroom.

Dean hurried up the process, but by the time he'd made it back outside, there was no more Ruby and no more what's-his-face. Dean headed down that same hallway, hoping to find them around somewhere, but of course they were gone. Like that was going to stop him from confronting the bitch. And Sammy was going to hear about this. It was about time he got rid of that demonic skanky cheater.

Chuck waited patiently outside of Baby, as Dean made his way back to the parking lot. They both climbed in and Dean stepped on the gas. "What took you so long?"

"I got lost," Dean mumbled, unable to speak out his rage. He had to talk to Sammy before anyone else.


"Sam? Sam, pick up. Dammit." Dean left another voicemail when Sammy didn't pick up the phone after the fourth phone call. Dean knew Sam was at work, but would it be so difficult to check his cell phone every second like any normal teenager would?

Five long ass minutes later, Sam called back. Dean jumped up from the couch. "I need to talk to you," Dean hurried. "I need you to come home right now."

"What? No. I'm working."

"Fuck, Sam," Dean hissed. "This is important."

"My job is important," Sam countered. "I have to pay your bills since you wasted your money on alcohol, remember?"

Dean groaned because yes he remembered, but this was not the time to discuss that. "I need to tell you something about Ruby. It's urgent. I'll be waiting at home."

"Wait, Dean, you can't just—"

Dean clicked on his brother. If he was going to make Sammy drive all the way back home from work, he had to leave him in suspense.


"What happened to Ruby, Dean?" Sam demanded as he stepped in the house. "I've tried calling her cell and she won't answer. I don't know what kind of trick you're playing with me, but it's not funny, so cut it out."

Dean walked to his brother, taking him in for a hug, knowing he would need it. "I'm going to skip the 'I told you so' part of this because you're my brother."

Sam pulled away, utterly perplexed and starting to look angry. "What exactly are you trying to tell me?"

"Ruby's cheating on you, man," Dean cut to the chase. "I saw her making out with some other guy today."

His brother raised his eyebrows, slowly forming a grin. "You're good. That looked very real. Great performance. Almost bought it."

Dean shook his head. "No. What? Sam, I'm not lying about this. I saw Ruby, your precious little girlfriend, getting some lip to lip action with a dude that was not you. Not by a few inches."

"Are you even sure it was her? Where did you supposedly see this happen? Because, you know, she's not even in town right now."

Dean opened his mouth in shock, seeing that his own brother didn't believe his word. "I went to register for college today with Chuck, okay? I wasn't going to tell you yet, but there it is. That's where I saw her. First I heard her laugh, and then I saw her back, and that frizzy ugly hair of hers."

Sam chuckled humorlessly. "You're seriously…It's sad. It's just sad seeing how far you'll go just to break us apart, Dean. Do you expect me to believe that first of all, you went to register for college? And that you recognized my girlfriend's laughter in a public place, and that guiding yourself from her back and hair you were convinced it was her? I'm not sure which one I believe less."

Dean was furious. Not so much at Ruby anymore, although she was still a part of it, but at the way his brother would be so blind. Sammy had always trusted Dean. Sammy was so far gone that he couldn't even recognize the truth apart from the lies. "I know what I saw. Ruby is cheating on you. Now, you may still not believe me, but I expect for you to at least make sure you know who you're dealing with. Didn't you tell me before there were rumors about this already? See, what more proof do you need?"

Sam rolled his eyes, walking to the couch and sitting down calmly on it. "Ruby is good. She loves me as much as I love her and whether you like it or not, we will get married someday. She will be part of the family, and you can't do anything to stop it. Just because you can't be happy doesn't mean I shouldn't."

Dean was not prepared to hear any of this. Hell, he wasn't prepared to see how his brother fell into a pit he would have to forcefully pull him out of. Dean stood in front of Sam, looking down at him with a hard look on his eyes. "You're going to stay with her, cheater and all? Tell me, Sam. Is that really what you're going to do?"

"She's not cheating," Sam said, convinced. "And yes, of course I will."

Dean didn't give this much thought, but the words basically slipped out as they tended to do. "Then I want you to get the hell out of my house."

Sam froze, looking directly ahead at nothing in particular. "You can't kick me out of my home."

"I don't want you out any more than you do, but I'm not going to stand back and watch you make a fool of yourself with that girl. Either you stay here with me, and dump her sorry ass, or you leave and go have a family with a girl that can't keep her legs closed."

Sam looked at Dean, pushing forward and up from the couch. "I'm out of here."

Dean let out a quiet gasp, unable to react completely. He watched as his brother left the apartment, taking nothing more than what he had with him, with a promise to return later for his belongings.


Dean didn't know what day of the week it was. He hadn't eaten at all in the past day or two; he wasn't too sure how long it had been. All he knew was that he'd officially run out of alcohol and money to buy some more. He was out of friends who would give him free beers, too. Ash was probably working. It was six in the afternoon, according to the alarm clock on the bedside table.

Dean looked at the mess on his carpet, unable to remember when he'd decided it would be a good idea to puke on it. He must not have had the patience to get out of bed for it. His only reaction to it was a long yawn.

After Sammy had taken all of his things, Dean came to the conclusion that his only reason to pull himself together was gone. He had nothing to fight for. There was nothing to keep him strong. He'd lost most of his friends, and he ignored the ones he still had because he just didn't want to be around them.

Dean drank and drank alcohol, wishing it could momentarily numb his deep sense of loss, but he was becoming more immune to it. He'd gone through so many wines, beers, tequilas, whiskeys, and purple nurples, and he could still remember. He could still think clearly and he would sulk in his own pitiful misery.

There was always that thought in the back of his mind that kept hoping for alcohol poisoning so he could be done with everything. And yet he was still bitterly alive.

An obnoxious knocking on his front door woke Dean up from his continuous napping. He groaned, pressing a pillow on his head. The knocking continued, and Dean wanted to shoot whoever was disrupting his hell. After a few minutes, Dean finally got out of bed and made his way to answer the door, in his puked-on clothes.

Mary stood outside, with a long, concerned frown on her face. "Oh Dean." She didn't stop to overanalyze Dean's look, or to yell at his face, she just took him in her arms. Then, walked in the house and sat a pie down on the table.

Dean barely glanced at it as he took over the entire couch and turned on the TV. He loved his mom, but in his current mood he just wanted to be alone.

"Sweetheart, what is going on here?" Of course, she would ask for explanations Dean did not want to give. And he wouldn't.

Dean shrugged and then settled for a talk show on TV.

Mary came to sit on the floor, near Dean. She watched the show with Dean for a while, not asking anything else until the third set of commercials. "I made you some apple pie. I know how much you love it. I'm sure you've been craving it."

Dean wouldn't feel guilty about not calling his mother. He had too much on his plate. So, at the least he acknowledged the pie. "Yeah, thank you."

Mary sighed, keeping her eyes on the TV. Dean took short seconds to look at her, but only when she wasn't looking. He couldn't make her think he wanted to talk. "Sam dropped by the other day. He told me you two got in a fight, and that he's now living with Ruby."

"Jackass," Dean muttered.

"Sam told me you were struggling," Mary said, in her soft, peaceful voice. Dean welcomed the sound of it, but he didn't get too comfortable.

"I'm fine."

Mary turned to Dean, gazing directly at the dull eyes that wouldn't look back at her. "You don't look fine. We've been here before. Do you remember? We made it through once already. We can do it again—together."

Dean hadn't forgotten. All those nights she'd spent trying to settle him down because he just had to have a drink. All the times he'd nearly ruined his life by drinking away his problems. This is where he stood again. In the exact same place. Except this time he'd not only lost Sammy, he'd lost Castiel. And Dean had sworn to himself he wouldn't bother his mom with this anymore. "There is no getting through. I'm always going to do what I want."

"You have to find a reason, Dean," Mary encouraged. "You have to find a motivation to keep yourself on track. Whether it'd be love, or courage, or pride, just find it."

Dean met his mother's teary eyes. "I'm really sorry you had to waste your time driving all the way here to tell me this, but I don't need it. I didn't ask for your advice, mom. I'm tired, okay? I'm tired of…life. I'm tired of this fucking self-hatred. What do you want from me? I can't be the perfect son. I can't even be a son. I suggest you turn around and go back where you came from." Dean bit his tongue after saying the last sentence. He wasn't sure he meant anything he said, but his fury made him say it. He had to take it out on someone, which was why Dean did not want his mother's visit.

Mary gulped, and Dean could almost see the knot in her throat. She held back her tears and stood up. How many times had Dean seen this reaction from people he cared about? That deep sadness in their eyes, combined with disillusion and utter heartbreak. Only Dean Winchester could make that happen. He was the only monster amongst the crowd.


Dean managed to shave. He took a shower and brushed his teeth. Dean had breakfast, which he cooked himself. He put some pants on. And with confidence in his one possible good decision, he headed to Crusty Pizzeria.

"Where is Crowley?" Dean asked, as most every employee turned to him.

"He's alive," Gabriel cheered.

Ash gasped. "Dude, it's you."

"Everyone, disregard my theory about the sex change," Bela said.

And the only good answer came from Chuck. "His office, as usual."

Dean made his way to Crowley's office, letting himself in. "Mr. McCloud, so great to see you. Could you come out here for a second?" Dean was aware that there were a couple customers in the place, but he sat on the front counter. "Hey, do you have some candy, Gabe?"

Gabriel grinned wholeheartedly. "Gummy bears, or jelly beans? Your pick."

Crowley came out of his office, entirely perplexed. "Are we having a meeting, Winchester?"

"I'll take both," Dean said to Gabriel. "Thanks." Dean started eating his candy. "Nah, meetings are too formal. We're just hanging out. I do have some things to say to all of you. You know, I didn't think I'd be this excited, but what the hell—this is great."

Crowley waltzed closer to Dean, raising his brows expectantly. "Well, please, don't keep us waiting."

Dean picked out some of the candy stuck in his teeth before proceeding. He cleared his throat and smiled. "I should start with some announcements I guess. Alright, so it turns out I'm into dudes. I had a thing with Gabriel's big bro actually, but sadly it's over now. What are you gonna do?"

Gabriel laughed hysterically. "I fucking knew it, Winchester. I knew you liked it from behind."

Dean nodded, so prideful. "Some have a brain, and others have a gay-dar. Good for you, Gabe. Okay, let's carry on. Oh, right. How could I forget? Crowley made a pass on me, and then I blackmailed him with nonexistent proof. Ash, Chuck, there goes the mystery on your pay-raises." To Dean, the sudden judgmental looks Crowley was receiving were sweeter than the candy he'd been eating earlier. Crowley glared at Dean, like he wished he could disintegrate him with his eyes. "Sorry, man, but I'm just not into you."

"Dude, I did not see that coming," Ash said from a corner of the room.

Dean let out a deep breath. "That felt really good. Let's keep going. There's not much left to say. Basically, I quit. I hated every minute of working here. I hated all of you at some point. I am going to college, thanks to Chuck right here, for forcing me to register. I have no idea how the hell I'm going to pay for classes, but I would rather sell my soul than stay here." Dean jumped down from the counter, smiling at the many attentive faces on him. It seemed like wherever he went, sober or not, there was always an audience. Dean was that kind of guy.

"You go, man," Ash mumbled.

"Good luck," Chuck said.

"Did anyone get this on camera?" Gabriel wondered.

Dean didn't stay to find out. Dean left. He wasn't sure where he was going, but as soon as he got in the Impala, he knew the possibilities were endless.


Job hunting sucked. It had been a little over a week since Dean quit his job, and the small paycheck he'd received could only get him so many Ramen noodles. He needed to make money, which was something he hadn't given much thought to as he went in to make a big deal out of his renouncement.

Dean had a lot to fix in his life. He would get to it eventually. First, he had to fix himself. It was a slow process, but while it lasted, he couldn't go to anyone for help. Not after the way he'd treated most of them.

Dean drove near one of his favorite bars, debating whether to stop for just one shot. He needed a stress-reliever. Dean drove away, though. He'd accepted he had a problem, and he was going to change that. He wouldn't allow any weak moments.

The sound of Dean's ringtone startled him. He hadn't gotten many phone calls recently. He answered instinctively on the first ring.

"Yeah?"

"Dean," the familiar raspy voice said on the other line.

Dean couldn't control his heart; it thumped and thumped, and it felt ridiculous. "Hi, Cas."

"Dean, I apologize in advance for what I am about to tell you. I wish it wasn't me to give you this news."

"Fuck. Who died?"

"Um. No one you know, Dean. Let's hope not. But your mom is here at the hospital. She suffered from a heart attack. One of her neighbors brought her in. I'm afraid she will have to go into immediate surgery."

Dean felt his heartbeat accelerating again, but this time it wasn't because of Cas. He was silent as he got on the path to the hospital. Cas was still on the line, waiting for a response. Dean was breathing loud enough to let Cas know he was still there.

"Dean, have faith," Castiel murmured, and there was a strange tone to his voice. Something Dean hadn't heard in a while. He didn't know how to take it in. He just continued driving. "Your mother will be okay. I've seen plenty of patients coming in and out with heart issues, and they recover perfectly well."

"Cas, I'm…I'm scared," Dean confessed, trying not to break down right here on the road. "I'm scared she won't make it. She can't go like this. She has to forgive me. I have to tell her. I want to show her. I can't let her go. Cas, I need her. Why do I fuck everything up?"

"We can discuss this in person," Cas said. "When you get here, come into my office. In the meantime, get here safely. Please, Dean."

"Yes, Cas," Dean said. And it felt so easy to obey his command.


*Sorry for keeping Dean and Cas apart for so long (I miss the so much), but I feel like this is the way things had to happen. Don't worry, though, things are not as bad as they seem.