This chapter may be a little difficult to follow. All parts starting with a voltage number are Renji's memories, the parts that don't have a number proceeding it are in present time of the characters. Yeah, I know...I was trying to find a way to write it without the confusion, but the confusion is supposed to be part of it...eh? Sorry it if makes you read it more than once...
Thanks once again for everyone following the story, I really appreciate all the feedback.


Chapter 12

He awoke, completely confused...not knowing where he was, or what had happened. His jaw ached. His arms and legs were on fire; as he raised one wrist into his line of vision, he saw bruises encircling its circumference. And his head...wow...there was nothing that could describe the pain in his head. He tried to sit up, and all he got for his trouble was a sea of black, explosions of purple and green swirling before his eyes, and a wave of nausea.

He groaned, wanting to return into that desirous oblivion he was in previously.

"Abarai-kun," a soothing voice crooned, bringing him back from the darkness. "You've done well, Abarai-kun."

Bleary, pain filled eyes opened again, to find the tenchou sitting beside him this time, reading the medical file.

"I've discovered a pattern to the treatments they gave you. I will do it to you again, this time in reverse order, to see if that reverts your reiatsu pattern into your former aura." The gray eyes fixed his in triumph, "We're on our way, Abarai."

The redhead wanted to tell this man to stop buzzing...to stop swaying. Too bad the man kept talking. He had no idea what the guy was telling him, but he seemed happy about it, so he let him go on. When the buzzing stopped, he nodded tiredly in acceptance. Whatever.


~100 volts

"Ban Kai!" he felt himself shout. He felt the power surge, the euphoria that follows.

How long had he been fighting? Days? Weeks? Months?

What the hell was he fighting for?

He was fighting his way back home.


~80 volts

He woke up to a soft blurry world. The only sounds he heard were a strange melody of bleeps, boops, and blips. He tried to move, but couldn't. Someone must have been watching over him, because what seemed like only an instant later, he could sense the presence of other people moving toward him.

"Hello. You've been in away for awhile." A distant floating voice sounded in his ears.

He tried to move his lips, tried to speak, but there was something in his mouth, down his throat, that prevented him from uttering a single sound.

"Don't try to speak...we have a breathing tube down your throat. Now that you're back with us, we'll start weaning you off the machines. Don't worry, we're here to take care of you."

He was so tired. He closed his eyes.


~100 volts

The message was sent by Isane fukutaicho.

To all members of the Gotei 13: all four pillars have fallen. Karakura town is returning to the real world. By order of the Soutaicho, you are ordered to prevent the overt loss of human life, but in no means spare the lives of the traitors and the enemy. It is a difficult line to determine, do so at your own discretion. The Gotei must not fail.

"What the fuck kind of message is that?" the lieutenant grumbled to himself.

The hollows, the arrancar, the fraccion...they kept coming in waves. The one he had just defeated was still dissipating into the atmosphere; and he took the split second to search for his captain's reiatsu...and in quick relief, found it strong and steady. The captains were battling the vasto lorde and the traitors, the lieutenants were assigned to keep the lower forms at bay.

He was about to move towards his division leader; when another rip in the sky opened to reveal the next flood of Las Noches' inhabitants. They flew rapidly toward him.

"You've gotta be shittin' me... how many of you did that asshole create?" disgust and fatigue hammered at the fukutaicho. He looked at his competition...Fuck.


The electroshock treatments were coming along very well; the former twelfth division captain noted in his research database.

- 1.5 seconds of 80volt, 1.2 seconds of 100volt electricity to the bilateral temporal lobes of shinigami subject
- Resulted in the onset of myoclonic seizure lasting approximately four to seven minutes.
- Subject falls into unconsciousness, wakes approximately thirty minutes post treatment.
- Must be reoriented to time and place.
- Use of benzodiazepines to augment memory recovery results in positive outcome

Urahara turned on the monitor attached to the electrodes on Abarai's head. The electronic interpretation of the fukutaicho's reiatsu blazed into focus. We're close.

After each treatment and subsequent recovery, usually over that evening's meal, the researcher and the lieutenant discuss the results of each session. Urahara details the finer points on their proximity to the original reiatsu signature they hope to reach, while Abarai shares the particulars of new memories he has recovered.

The mood is forced with lightheartedness at their growing success with each treatment. Both men realize however, that the goal is still somewhat abstract, and the underlying danger to one of them leaves the air heavy, regardless.

There is also the added detriment that each treatment leaves Abarai feeling just a little bit weaker than the last, both physically and mentally. Enough so that the tenchou tries to convince the subordinate to wait longer between treatments... but the redhead refuses.

"Hell, no...Urahara-san. We got a plan, we're stickin' to it."

The last two sessions would be complicated, if not outright risky. The voltage was much higher, 225 volts.


~225volts

He was standing on the deck over looking a part of the secluded garden his captain enjoyed greatly. At this spot, the sun rising over the horizon was majestic. It broke over the distant rolling hills and bathed the sakura trees in soft pink and orange light. The air was crisp and clean, and just the promise of the new day was humbling in its utter vastness.

An arm encircled his waist from behind; a comforting hand lazily rubbed his belly as the warm body attached to it pressed itself against his back.

"Renji…" purred a deep rich baritone.

Gods…just his voice… the redhead's eyes closed. "Hmm…Taicho…" he murmured in return, his voice not as steady.

"What is the matter?" a questioning concern entwined the reply.

"Just thinking…." pensively he looked toward the horizon, "...we're just one night in from Hueco Mundo, and today we head into Karakura…."

He turned towards the brunette and looked into the most beautiful eyes he's ever been graced upon. This dawn, they are light gray with a subtle touch of blue. They are open and clear, honest and mesmerizing. He knows he wants to remember these eyes…they are the window to this man's soul…his lover's soul. His life.

He feels the need to say something poignant, because today they will head into the heart of the war. If he doesn't say what he wants to now…will he ever?

"Taicho…" he begins softly; taking hold of one of those graceful hands and places it between both of his, "I want you to know that these years…this time…that I've…we've been together, has been the best thing…the best years…of my life."

He takes a deep breath, and haltingly he continues, "I just want you to know…that if…that if I don't make it to the end of the war…I want you to…well, I don't want you to…"

Two perfectly slender fingers silence his rambling by pressing themselves against his lips. He is hard pressed not to push out against them in a pout…or pull them into his mouth.

"Renji," that solemn timbre echoes in his mind, "today, we will leave Soul Society together...and when this is over, we will return together."

The fingers move down to trace past his chin, down his neck, and halts at its destination, to press a hand against his chest…over his heart. He breaks eye contact to glance down at it and inhales sharply. There was an incandescent white glow emanating from that hand into his chest, it warmed his skin, his blood...his soul. He can feel, through his lover's reiatsu, the beat of that man's heart, in synchrony with his own.

"You and I are joined here…and as long as I know this beats…I will wait for you, should I return before you do. I will come and find you, should you lose your way home."

Those eyes…they have darkened and contain something he cannot name…he has never seen this look directed at him, by anyone, ever before…

"I am your home, Renji."

For a suspended moment, he is lost. His heart aches painfully...and for the first time in his life he feels fear...real fear...because now he must live.

He had been prepared to declare his heart to this man, to praise him and extol the many blessings he felt needed to be said before it was too late. But it all got caught up and stuck, a lump in his throat , and all he could do now, was stand there, in awe of this wonderful creature...his soulmate.

He crushed his lips against the man in front of him. A passionate, desperate kiss…


Blonde brows furrowed together in concern. A series of abnormal spikes saturate the scanner monitoring the lieutenant's cardiovascular response to the electric shocks he's been sending into the redhead's brain.

This time, however, the heart monitor shows an erratic irregular heartbeat that does not self-correct…dammit…is he going into arrhythmia?!...

"Abarai!…Abarai!…" he starts to shout at the unconscious shinigami lying on the table, "Stay with me Abarai…."

The ghostly green light on the monitor starts to waver…then the line abruptly goes flat. The monitor starts its unearthly dull squeal.

Quickly, the tenchou moves to the tray of syringes he prepared earlier. Deft hands locate the syringe labeled Epinephrine 1:1000 and injects its entire contents into the arm of the man lying there.

Nothing.

He grabs another syringe and follows the same procedure.

"Tessai!" he yells into the intercom on the wall. "I need your help, Tessai!"

Determined eyes stare down at the body on the gurney, "Come on Abarai!"

A further series of injections of different drugs do nothing else to help reverse the current flat line continually working its way across the monitor. The sixth spent plastic syringe joins its companions on the tile floor, thrown there in the haste of the moment.

In a desperate move, Urahara climbs up on the bed, straddling the redhead. Putting both hands together, one over the other, he places it over the other man's heart. He rhythmically pushes his own reiatsu into the chest, to realign the irregular heartbeat…no…to restart the heart….After what seems like way too long… the screaming of the monitor stops…he pauses, and jerks his head around to look over to black screen. Abarai's heartbeat is once again in normal sinus rhythm.

The former captain lays his sweaty forehead down over his hands, still on the chest of the unconscious shinigami, a loud sigh of relief escapes his parted lips.

"You almost had me there, Abarai," he whispers.

"Tenchou?" his housekeeper has finally arrived, a little apprehensive to the scene laid out in front of him.

"Hmm?" the blonde responds, casually, lifting his head, "Oh... just checking to make sure Abarai's electrodes weren't too loose or anything," he says lightly , as he replaces the electrodes that have fallen off the redhead's chest.

The voice is smooth and his face is calm, but Tessai can see the underlying disquiet in the shop owner's compact movements, in the strained creases surrounding the slightly downward turned mouth.

"I think our lieutenant has had enough for today," Urahara climbs down from the gurney, "Would you mind taking him in his room please, Tessai. I think…I am in need of some liquid refreshment."


The sixth division captain walked along the taisha barracks to get to his weekly captain's meeting. The reiatsu surrounding him was heavy and imposing. It prevented anyone from greeting him, most simply scrambled to get out of his way.

As he turned the next corner, he felt a flutter in his chest. It almost made him falter in his normal walking cadence. Concerned, he turned to look out toward… the seinkeimon gate. He reached out with his reiatsu toward the gate…knowing he could not sense anything past it, yet wanting…needing…to discover what had caused him to feel… uneasy.

He turned to grip the railing with both hands, his face indecipherable to anyone walking past him, but his mind a jumble of thoughts, trying to interpret this...feeling. He gasped, unable to hold it back, as a wave of cold washed over him… Renji… He closed his eyes and concentrated on that red shinigami thread, searching for it, unable to pin it down…knowing he could not from this side of the gate, yet attempting it anyway. After a few minutes, just as suddenly as it came upon him, the unease lifted…without leaving him feeling bereft... he is alive...

Pulling his reiatsu back in, the brunette turned and continued on toward his meeting.


~100 volts

"Can you tell me your name?"

He gazed at the man standing next to his bed; the electronic hospital bed had been adjusted to prop him up in a sitting position. He opened his mouth to comply... then furrowed his brow when he realized... what is my name?

"Do you know where you are?"

He looked quizically into the kind face of the man asking him these questions. On his chest, over his white coat pocket, he read Dr. Sha. His gaze took on greater consternation as he shook his head. No.

A warm hand placed itself on his shoulder, a comforting touch to offset the accompanying disturbing question, "Do you remember anything?"

Wide, alarmed eyes broke contact, he looked down at his bandaged chest, at the plastic tubes stuck into his hands and taped onto his skin...slowly he reached up to feel the bandage wrapped around his head... Panicked, he searched his mind...and came up...blank.

He stared into the doctor's face, his blood going cold in shock...

"No," he croaked.


~100 volts

How long had he been doing this?!

He was down on one knee. There was blood blinding him in one eye, sweat stinging his other one... but he saw the opening. These fuckers were straight up brawlers...they had no plan of attack, no strategy to use their numbers in collaboration against him... good...let's get this over with.

He was about to unleash Zabimaru into the killing blow, when the kid caught his eye.

One of the realities of war, is that when it is prolonged, unpredictable things start to happen.

After Karakura returned to the real realm, the shinigami began to notice that children with inherently high reiatsu were prematurely awakening from their unnaturally imposed sleep. Most simply hid themselves away until the nightmare (hopefully) ended, while others desperately tried to wake their parents. This little girl was one of them.

Rather, she wasn't just awake, she was screaming. She was barely holding onto the railing of the second floor apartment where she lived. The rest of her family seemed dead asleep, the roar of battle and the wailing of the enemy did not even rouse a blink on the faces of the slumbering members. One wall of the apartment complex had been ripped away. The three remaining walls were left to hold up the concrete structure.

Just that one second of distraction was all that was needed for the enemy to make it's move. They did all move together, this time, and although he was able to deflect the first and second blow, the third caught him off kilter. He felt himself flying through the air...then crashing through the roof of a small building. Shaking his head to clear the buzzing sound within, he looked around and realized he was buried in the rubble of the Urahara shoten.

Unused gigai lay around him. He heard the child scream again, the shrill cry a few octaves higher than the previous one. Without thought, he hurriedly jumped into one of the spare bodies and ran towards the little girl. There were now two hollows moving toward her, no doubt able to smell her spiritual pressure.

He moved faster...sprinted over to her, before the hollows got there. "Let go!" he heard himself yell, "I'll catch you!"

Frightened wide blue eyes stared at him, glanced back at the oncoming hollows, and then let go of the railing.

He caught her easily, she was so tiny...

He looked into her watery blue eyes, overflowing with tears... he smiled at her reassuringly... "You're safe now..."

Two thin arms wrapped themselves tightly around his neck as she pushed her chin onto his shoulder to hug her savior...then blue eyes widened in fright to something hidden behind him.

Then his world went dark.


"I can't do it, Abarai."

"Don't give me that shit, Urahara. We're 99% there!"

"Then you need to be satisfied with that. Another treatment can leave you dead. It was close, Abarai."

"We are close, Urahara. That's the point! Bankai...the last years of my life... its knocking at my door!"

"You can find your way into bankai again in no time on your own without the treatment, Abarai."

The fukutaicho ran a frustrated hand through his hair. The shoten owner was right, he could learn the rest on his own...but the last few years were the most unreliable in his memory. He had everything else back; his days with Rukia in Inuzuri, the academy, the ryoka invasion and Aizen's betrayal. The only obstacles left for some reason was bankai...and Byakuya. Should he risk his life just for the sake of memories?

"And Kuchiki taicho?...Urahara... please. I need to remember it all." Then the enigmatic redhead smirked, of all things, "Promise I won't die on ya."

Gray eyes bore into crimson eyes flashing with indignation, burning with conviction, shining with the absolute belief in its own master as well as the man standing in front of him.

"You are the real Abarai," the blonde snorted, "glad to have you back. Let's go."


The lone shinigami returning this night to Soul Society did so silently and without fanfare. He had a destination to get to... and quickly scouting to identify the one he was seeking, slipped into soundless shunpo.

He touched down into the private garden.

There under the sakura tree, in deep meditation, was the one he sought.

The caress in his voice was unmistakable.

"Taicho."