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Chapter 12
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The Psycho-Therapist looked at Knives, who was at the moment sneering at him.
"Come on, now…" the doctor began in a calm and soothing melodic tone, "Tell me about your twin brother named Vash"
"Vash! Vash?" Knives growled with disdain, "That damn traitor to his own species!"
"Now, now," said Dr. HappyPants smiling widely, "Let's not use our angry voice indoors…"
"I'll angry-voice YOU!" Knives flailed slightly, shifting in his seat—his leather straps squeaking under the stress.
"Relax a bit, Mr. Utensils," the doctor said in a slightly drugged-out hippy-y voice, "Or else the nice nurse men over their will have to get you some nice mood altering medicine."
"Hmph." Knives complained as he became still once again.
"So," Dr. HappyPants voiced probatively, "Tell me why you consider Vash a 'traitor' to your species." The doctor made some quote-signs in the air with his fingers as he mentioned "species."
"Well," Knives began in an annoyed tone, "He chose the #&!# #! humans over me! Me!"
The doctor began scribbling on his paper, "So?"
"So! So!" Knives glared angrily, "He cavorts with the insects that live off the suffering of our brethren!"
"Oh," Dr. HappyPants said in realization as he glanced at Knives' file again, "You mean the nice Plants that live in the lightbulbs…"
"They are not lightbulbs!"
"Well, they look like lightbulbs." The doctor smiled at Knives again.
'Mr. Utensils' had had enough of Dr. HappyPants' comments.
Knives narrowed his eyes and looked strait into the eyes of Dr. HappyPants, "First, I will kill you, then the rest of you psychiatrists, then I shall move on to the nurses, the idiots, the drunk, and the infirm—slaughter the rich, the poor, the dumb, and the stupid…and THEN, I shall keep Vash for myself for the rest of our eternity and make sure that he suffers eternally and painfully for his trespasses until the stars themselves fall out of the sky and knock us unconscious!"
The Psycho-Therapist blinked slightly, "That's nice." The doctor said in all seriousness smiling from ear to ear.
Knives was taken slightly dumbfounded, "NO, that's not NICE, you stupid mortal!"
"So why do it?" the doctor asked softly.
Knives thought for a moment. "Because Vash deserves it."
"Why?"
"Because he ignored his own flesh and blood..."
"Is that all?"
"Plus he shot me in the leg!" Knives grimaced at the thought, "Pointed his angel-arm at me, shot me in July, and everything else he has done!"
"And why would Vash do that?"
Knives grumbled.
Dr. HappyPants looked over at Knives' file again.
"Why did you shoot Vash's arm off and take it away?"
"Ha ha!" Knives laughed, "He deserved that alright!"
"That's nice," The doctor began with a somewhat confused smiled on his face.
Knives smiled evilly at the doctor, trying to think of more ways for Vash to suffer eternally and painfully—since the doctor had brought up the subject.
The Psycho-Therapist blinked and thought for a moment, "What did you do with Vash's arm after you shot it off?"
A frightening look came across Knives face and he began to laugh maniacally as he remembered exactly what he did with Vash's left arm.
The world around him went blurred as the light of the memory shined in—time for a flashback.
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Knives hobbled through the dusty desert toting Vash's severed arm on his way back to his evil lair place that is out in the desert who knows where.
He found the front door and entered, plopped Vash's arm on the metal table and took a seat in a chair.
Knives' legs were charred from the July incident and Vash's angel arm.
"Hmmm," Knives thought, "I need to go regenerate and heal my legs…I'm going to need a evil minion to watch the place, take care of me, and carry out evil deeds until I am fully well.
"Hmmm," Knives said as he hobbled over to the bookcase and pulled out 'Evil Minions for Dummies.'
"Ah," Knives said as he flipped through 'Evil Minions for Dummies' and found what he was looking for:
Knives read off of the page, "Evil Minion Leader of Evil Group of Assassins Ingredients—"
As he began to read the instructions he got out some needed materials.
Knives found a little flower pot in the corner. He filled it with some handy potting-soil and then stuck the base of Vash's arm in the pot so that it looked like a cute little arm-tree.
For a moment, Knives left the flower pot with the arm hanging out of it to go find some more materials from his evil lair spaceship place thingy.
"Let's see," Knives read from the page, "I need 3 parts water, 4 parts blood, 2 parts hair, and 1 part vegetable and mineral."
"Ok," Knives thought.
For the vegetable, he tossed in some lettuce, for the mineral he tossed some gold into the pot with the hand tree sticking out of it.
As Knives looked through the cabinet he only found 2 parts water, but he needed 3.
Knives scanned the cabinet to find the closest thing to water.
"Hmm, this will do." And then he tossed in some blue hair dye.
"Now for some hair," Knives said looking around. He did not want to pull out his own glorious and superior locks of hair, so he found an unsuspecting cat in the corner.
"Nyao?" the neko said questioningly as Knives drew menacingly closer.
"NYAO!" the kuroneko screamed as Knives shook it over the flower pot by its tail so that its hair fell into it.
"Ok," Knives said, "Now to find some blood."
Knives looked and looked throughout his evil layer and did not happen to find any blood laying around, until—
Ding dong.
Knives opened the front door.
"Pizza delivery?" a frightened human said.
Knives smiled evilly.
Yeah.
And so then, after the pizza guy's blood had been completely squeezed into the flower pot, Knives consulted the 'Evil Minions for Dummies' book once again.
"Finally," Knives read from the page, "Pour an alcohol of your choice over the final product, and christen your brand new evil minion with a name. Your evil minion will be ready to go out and complete evil deeds within 4 to 6 weeks."
And it was so.
Knives looked upon the flower pot and spoke-ith.
"Minion made of LEttuce, Gold, kitty cAT, and pizza man blOod—"
"—You shall be my minion #1, and I name-ith you LEGATO!"
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"Bwa HA Ha ha!" Knives chuckled during his stroll down memory lane.
"Uh huh…" Dr. HappyPants said quizzically, "Let's move on to a different discussion."
It was then that the doctor pulled out an all too familiar list to Knives.
Knives looked at it in grave annoyance.
"…Have you picked a new name yet, Mr. Utensil?" the Therapist asked smiling.
Knives made angry-eyebrows at the man.
"Don't see any you like? Hmm?" the doctor continued, "How about a few new names I came up with?"
The angry Plant ignored the doctor.
"How about Kupcake?" the doctor said with an optimistic smile, "Or Kat? Kuroneko? Kitty, or Kadillac?"
Knives frowned.
"Or even Komany, Kapilatist, Kit-Kat, or Koward?"
Knives frowned and narrowed his eyes.
"No?" the doctor said as though he were talking to a child, "How about I choose one for you?"
"Do you delight in my torture?" Knives managed to say in somewhat a sarcastic manner.
But, the Psycho-Therapist ignored him, "What do think about the name—"
"—Ken? I think it would suit you very well." The doctor said in friendly contemplation.
"Ken?" that name struck a strange cord within his mind.
"KEN?" unfortunately it was not a favorable cord. Something in Knives mind took him back many years ago to a place he had heard that name before.
The world around him went blurred as the light of the memory shined in—time for a flashback.
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"Vash? Vash! Where are you?" a young boy with long blonde hair yelled out as he navigated the many corridors of the spaceship.
As he passed one of the many rooms he stopped. He heard…giggling inside?
The young boy was slightly confused as he opened the door and said, "Vash, is that you?"
He was dumbstruck by what he saw.
Knives looked in the room to see Vash sitting on the floor giggling like a little girl and playing with what looked like a miniature tea set, and 2 female dolls.
"Heeeheee hee!" Vash shouted with glee as he held up the two dolls in the air, making kissy kissy noises.
"Vash," Knives said in wonder as he entered the room and sat down, "What are you doing?"
Vash smiled at his brother and said with a smile, "Rem went and got out some antique toys for me that I could play with."
He held up one doll, "This is Spaceship Captain Barbie, and this," Vash said holding up the other doll, "is Chain Smoker Barbie."
"Hmm," Knives raised an eyebrow at his brother, somewhat perplexed.
"Play with me, Knives!" Vash wined excitedly, "It's fun!"
"Dear, dear brother," Knives said, shaking his head, "We are far too intelligent and superior creatures to be playing with—"
Vash interrupted Knives' train of thought with "Zoom" "Pow" and "KurSplat" noises he began making as he made the Barbies fly through the air like warring fighter planes.
"Pow, Pow!" Vash giggled as he made one Barbie swoop down at the other, "Do dodo dodo dodo la la la." He even began to add his own soundtrack.
"Ugh." Knives rolled his eyes, "The least you could do is play with that male doll in the box over there."
Vash stopped what he was doing—Barbies in midair and all—and turned his head 'round to look at the colorful box labeled "Ken."
Vash's eyes went wide like saucers, "No, nonono…." Vash said shakily while shaking his head, "We can't play with Ken! Ken is sick!"
Knives sighed and put his hands on his hips and decided to humor Vash, "What is wrong with Ken?"
Vash picked Ken up out of the box and held him up in front of Knives. Knives was looking quizzically at Ken when Vash suddenly pulled down Ken's shorts.
"AH!" Knives yelled aghast.
"See!" Vash started crying, "Wahhh! Ken's lost his wee wee!"
Knives fell to the floor wide eyed.
Vash managed to quickly cover Ken back up and hurriedly toss him into the box, but it was too late—Knives was scarred for life.
Vash sniffled, and Knives sat in the floor clutching himself to make sure that he hadn't lost his wee wee too.
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Knives' eye twitched as he looked angrily at the doctor, "Ken? KEN?"
"How dare you…" Knives continued, "How dare you suggest that I choose the same name as Barbie's damn genitalia-challenged boyfriend!"
The doctor blinked.
"O…K…" the doctor managed to say after that sunk in, "How about, Ken…shin?"
"Hmmm" Knives thought as he contemplated his next words.
"So, you think I should choose Kenshin, then?" Knives asked slyly.
While the doctor contemplated his next response, Knives was deep in thought. "How can I turn this situation around to benefit me, I wonder." Suddenly a voice from within his mind reminded him, "Eternal pain and suffering…eternal pain and suffering…"
"Yes," The doctor replied to Knives, "I think it's a great name."
By then, Knives had come up with a plan.
"Puny, mortal," Knives began, "I will change my name to this Kenshin…"
"…if…and only if…you meet my one and only demand."
The doctor adjusted his glasses and looked at Knives, "And what demand would that be?"
Knives smiled a pure and evil smile, "Human, hand me your primitive note taking item—"
"—I have a list of my own to make."
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Meanwhile, Vash sat at a table in the lunch room, poking his food with an eating utensil since what was on his plate appeared like it might spring to life at any moment.
Across from him sat the strange old dude name Mikorett, who was unaware that he was eating his napkin.
Suddenly, a voice came over the intercom.
"Attention. Attention," came the voice of a nurse, "Will a Mr. Vash Stampede come immediately to Dr. Brainstern's office. Repeat. I Repeat. Mr. Vash, you are wanted immediately in Dr. Brainstern's office."
Vash looked around a bit surprised before heading off in the direction of his psychiatrist's office.
Unbeknownst to Vash, Dr. Brainstern was at this moment going over two very interesting files by both a Dr. Smartzki and Dr. HappyPants.
One file had within it a strange list—signed at the bottom:
Knives.
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What list did Knives make, and what does it have to do with Vash? What all are Milly and Meryl up to?
All this and more, Next Time!
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To Be Continued
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