Chapter 11
Shepard's boots hit the water as he climbed out of the Mako. He took a moment to stare out over the vast expanse before him. The commander could count the number of times he had been this close to such a large body of water on one hand, and half of those were the Presidium's large, continuous lake.
He drew in deep breaths of the moist air. The action was soothing, and it relaxed him. Shepard decided that he would like to retire to a place like this.
Unfortunately, his mood was disrupted by the sour looks on the faces of Kaidan and Ashley as they turned toward him. The salarian standing behind them looked especially upset.
Shepard approached the trio who were in the middle of a conversation.
"So what are we supposed to do now?" Williams asked.
"We stay put until we can put together a plan," the salarian answered.
"What is going on here?" Shepard asked, a little miffed that his good mood had been spoiled. "And why is my ship grounded?"
"I guess you must be Commander Shepard. I'm Captain Kirrahe, Third Infiltration Regiment STG. You and your crew have just landed in the middle of a hot zone. Every AA gun has been alerted to your presence. I'm afraid you are stuck here with us for the time being."
He felt a headache start to pound against his temples. "Great. So what do we do in the meantime?"
"We wait until the Council sends us the reinforcements we requested."
Williams swore under her breath. "Sorry to burst your bubble, but we are the reinforcements," she said.
Kirrahe looked at the commander with a questioning gaze.
"We are all the Council sent."
"What? I requested an entire fleet. Why would they send just one ship?"
"Your message was a garbled mess. We couldn't understand it. They sent us to investigate."
Kirrahe mumbled something Shepard's translator didn't completely translate though he heard something about the "damn Council."
"I have lost many of my men 'investigating' this place," he finally said.
"What have you found?" Alenko asked.
"Saren's base of operations. He's set up a research facility here, but it's crawling with geth and heavily fortified."
That caught Shepard off guard. What was so important to make Saren spend time and money on research? Didn't the turian already have everything he needed to bring back the Reapers? Something was off.
"Have you figured out what kind of research is going on in there?"
"He's using the facility to breed an army of krogan."
No, Shepard reasoned. That can't be all he's doing in there.
Shepard's thoughts were halted prematurely by a low, rumbling voice breaking in behind him.
"How… how is that possible?" Wrex asked as he walked up.
Kirrahe paused for a moment, hopefully taking the time to choose his words carefully. "Apparently, Saren has found a cure for the genophage."
Williams whistled. "I thought the flashlight heads were bad enough. With an army of krogan, he would be unstoppable."
The salarian nodded. "My thoughts exactly. That is why we must make sure that this facility and its secrets are destroyed."
"Destroyed?!" Wrex roared. "I don't think so. My people are dying. This cure can save them."
"If that cure leaves this planet, then the krogan will be unstoppable. We can't make the same mistake again."
Wrex drew near to Kirrahe, standing inches from his face. "We are not a mistake," he growled before stomping off.
They watched him moved away.
"He's not going to be a problem, is he?" Kirrahe asked. "We have enough angry krogan to deal with, Commander."
"Don't worry about him. I'll deal with it."
"I appreciate that. Now, if you will excuse me, my men and I need to rethink our attack."
"Of course, Captain. I'll come back soon."
Kirrahe left, leaving Shepard alone with Alenko and Williams.
"Things are kind of a mess," Kaidan commented.
"That's an understatement," Ash added. "I wouldn't be so worried if it wasn't for Wrex. He looks like he's going to blow a gasket."
Shepard was getting tired of people harping on Wrex. "He's part of this crew. He will be fine."
Ash didn't look convinced. "If you say so. I'm still going to keep my eye on him and a hand on my gun, if it's all the same to you."
A loud blast prevented the conversation from continuing. Shepard look toward the sound to see Wrex aiming his shotgun into the water, a light mist still lingering in the air around him. He quickly made his way to the upset krogan to prevent one of the nervous salarians from attempting to take care of the situation.
Shepard stood next to Wrex, not exactly sure where to start. The krogan had every right to be upset. His entire race was suffering from a horrible attack that was slowly marching them to extinction. If Shepard were in Wrex's position, he would be livid as well.
Another shotgun blast rang out. The commander felt the cool water against his face. He tried to breath in the serenity that he felt before but was left wanting.
"This isn't right, Shepard," Wrex finally said as he turned toward him. He didn't holster his shotgun. If there is a cure for the genophage, we can't destroy it."
"I can understand why you're upset, and I don't blame you. But you have to remember that Saren is the enemy here. We can't waste time fighting amongst ourselves. You should be angry with him."
"Really?" Wrex asked, taking a few steps to close the gap between the two men. "Saren created a cure for my people. You are the ones that want to destroy it. Help me out here, Shepard. The lines between friend and foe are getting a little blurry from where I stand."
"This isn't a cure; it's a weapon! If Saren uses it, you won't be around to reap the benefits. None of us will be."
Wrex was now inches away from Shepard. "That's a chance we should be willing to take. This is the fate of my people we are talking about. If you can't give me a better reason than this to destroy the only hope for my people, then I'm done with you."
Wrex punctuated his last sentence by him raising his shotgun. On instinct, Shepard readied his pistol.
"Wrex, we can't let Saren win, and, with an army of krogan behind him, he will!"
He huffed. "So that's it then. After all we've been through, that's the best you can do. How can you not see what this means to the krogan?"
Shepard had no idea what it meant to the krogan, but he could clearly see what this cure meant to Wrex. There was an almost mad craving for it in his eyes, a look that said nothing would stop him from reaching his goal.
However, the commander realized that there was something else, another emotion that Wrex didn't want to acknowledge. There was doubt. He doubted that this was the right path, doubted Saren's cure, and doubted that pulling a gun on the closest thing he had to a friend in this galaxy was a good idea.
Shepard could only imagine what that doubt was doing to the man. He was being torn between his entire people and this one human standing before him. It pained him, and Shepard hated seeing his friends, his family in pain.
The commander straightened, holstered his pistol, and approached Wrex. He only stopped when the barrel of the krogan's shotgun rested on his armor and squarely over his heart.
Wrex's eyes widened in surprised before they were quickly changed to questions. They seemed to ask why he would put himself in such a precarious position. They both knew that, at such a close range, there were no kinetic barriers for protection and the armor would not be able to withstand the enormous force. One quick trigger pull would end the commander's life.
"The thing is, I can see what this means to you," Shepard answered, his voice only loud enough for Wrex to hear. "This is an answer to all your prayers. I can't imagine what it's like for your women to give birth to an entire brood of stillborn children. I can't imagine what it's like to see your people more interested in fighting each other than surviving. I can't imagine what it's like to watch your entire race go extinct."
Wrex shook his head and pushed his shotgun against Shepard harder. "No, you can't. So tell me, why should I help you destroy it? Give me a reason, Shepard."
If Shepard didn't know better, he would say that Wrex was pleading for a reason. He truly didn't want to be in this position.
Shepard liked it even less, but it was the best way to get through to him. "Haven't you seen how Saren uses the geth? He throws them at us without any regard for their survival. Do you think he will treat the krogan any better, just because you aren't synthetic? Whatever he has in there parading around aren't true krogan. They are puppets, slaves to Saren's will. They are tools ready to be used and then discarded. You deserve more than that; your people deserve a better cure than that."
Wrex didn't move. Seconds ticked by painfully slow as Shepard waited for Wrex's verdict.
"We were tools for the Council once," Wrex finally said. He didn't lower his shotgun, but Shepard no longer felt it pressing into his chest. "To thank us for taking out the rachni, the salarians neutered us. I doubt Saren will be as generous."
Wrex holstered his weapon, and relief was prevalent in his eyes. "All right, Shepard. You've made your point. I don't like it, but I trust you enough to follow your lead. Hell, you've done more for me than my family ever did."
"Thank you, Wrex. I could only begin to imagine how hard this is for you. It means a lot to me that you trust me enough to follow me."
Wrex grunted. "Then you can explain one thing to me, since we are being all trust-y and bond-y. Why did you do that?"
Shepard knew exactly what he was talking about. "Because I knew you would do the right thing."
"And if I didn't? Not saying that destroying the cure is right. It's just… necessary."
"Then you would have shot me, and I would more than likely died," He answered with a shrug. "You're part of my crew, Wrex. I don't shoot my crew. Besides, what kind of commander would I be if my own people don't trust me?"
Wrex shook his head and chuckled. It wasn't as jovial as usual, but it was better than anger. "You have a quad, Shepard. I should bring you back to Tuchanka, and we can show all of those whelps what it is to be a true krogan."
"Any time, Wrex," Shepard said with a smile. "Just let me know."
He turned and walked away, leaving the krogan to come to terms with his decision. Before he got far however, an angry women in heavy armor quickly approached him.
"What the hell were you thinking, Shepard?!" Ash yelled.
He looked at her questioningly. "Williams?"
"Don't play dumb with me. I saw you. Why did you risk your life just to prove your point to a krogan?"
He glared at her. "Because he's not just 'a krogan.' He's Wrex. He's part of our team. Listen, I don't expect you to begin trusting every alien you ever meet, but I thought you would trust the ones on the Normandy by now. They've saved both of our lives countless times already, and will likely continue to do so. So please tell me that last part was just a slip of the tongue."
"It-it was. I'm sorry, Commander. I do trust them. But what you went too far. He could have killed you."
"Yes, he could have. But he didn't."
"But he could have!" she yelled back. "Why are always you so eager and determined to put your life on the line?"
Shepard took a deep breath, knowing the moist air would help him relax. "Because everyone is more than willing to do it for me," he answered calmly. "Wrex has followed me since we met on the Citadel without complaint. If he wants to argue about a potential cure for his species, he has earned the right.
"Besides, I could tell he didn't want to shoot me. He practically begged me for a reason to drop his weapon."
He could tell Ash didn't like that answer, but she seemed to begrudgingly accept it. "Fine, but, the next time you decide to let someone shove their weapon into your chest, at least let me know. Someone who wants to see you hit thirty should be around to stop you."
He couldn't help but smile. "I didn't know you cared so much."
"Of course I do, Skipper," she answered easily. "If you kick the bucket, I would be saddled with another CO I have to train."
Shepard laughed. "Is that the only reason, Williams? You don't want to be bothered to 'train' a new CO?"
"What other reason is there?"
He shook his head. "Dismissed, Chief."
She saluted, but with a sly smile. "Sir."
Tali watched as the commander paced in front of her. The gravity of the situation was evident on his entire body. She had never seen him tenser. His hands were restless. They moved between the scar on his cheek, the area on his breastplate above his dog tags, and his sides where he clenched them so tight that she could hear the under-suit creak.
He was given an impossible choice. Kaidan or Ashley. One would live, and one would die. And he would have to decide.
No, Tali thought. This is Shepard we are talking about. He will find a way to save them both. He's done stuff like this before. He just needs more time.
Suddenly, Shepard stopped and looked over the water that bordered the facility. It was almost as if he was looking for something in the serene backdrop. She knew he didn't find it when he shook his head.
He slowly lifted his hand to his helmet to activate the comm.
"Joker, meet us at the AA tower. Alenko, be ready for extraction."
Tali failed to hold back a small gasp. She couldn't believe what she just heard. While they were never close, Ashley was still part of the Normandy family. Last thing Tali wanted was for one of them to not be there anymore.
"Williams," Shepard continued. His voice was remarkably strong for what Tali knew to be a horrible decision.
"Yes, sir?"
"Give them hell, marine. Tanaka, Pakti, that goes for you too."
"Aye, aye," answered the three marines they left behind to guard the bomb.
Shepard tapped a few commands into his omnitool. He stood there for another minute, motionless except for the subtle squeeze of the railing he was holding. Tali could have sworn she heard a soft "I'm sorry" come from his lips.
He quickly turned to face her and Garrus. "Come on. Let's make sure we don't waste the chance they have given us."
Tali expected to see a fire in his eyes and hear the steel in his voice. They were absent. The only emotions she found were sorrow and guilt.
They nodded, and the trio hurried off to the AA tower where Alenko and the salarians were pinned.
The mood on the Normandy was at a new low. Liara had never felt such widespread and communal sense of grief. No one wished to speak or even lock eyes with anyone else.
She knew the reason. Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams, Private Raymond Tanaka, and Private Abishek Pakti were left behind to make sure that the improvised bomb that the STG team created blew. While their deaths were unfortunate, their sacrifice should be celebrated or, at least, recognized. That was what the asari would have done.
She realized to say as much would be in very bad taste. Even she was not that naïve. Liara figured it was another difference between human and asari customs.
What truly took her by surprise was Troy's reaction to Ash's death. Their debriefing was especially short, and, more than once, Liara caught him lost within himself as he stared at Williams' empty chair. When Garrus commented about the working prothean beacon they found and a potential mind meld, Shepard shook his head, saying he did not have time for that right now.
Liara knew it had nothing to do with the time commitment and everything to do with the monsters that were running rampant in his head.
He dismissed them, staying behind to debrief the Council on what had occurred on Virmire. Liara decided to patiently wait outside the communications room instead of returning to her quarters. She knew that the commander would need to process what had transpired, and she did not want him to go through it alone.
Shepard came out ten minutes later, looking as if he was in an extended yelling match with the Council. She had never seen him look so red.
"What are you still doing here, Liara?" he asked.
She could tell he tried to keep the anger from his voice. He failed.
"I wish to speak with you."
"Is it important?"
Liara nodded. "Very."
A flash of annoyance danced across his face. She tried to not feel offended, equating the emotion to the enormity of everything he was dealing with. Still, it stung.
"Fine. I have to talk Lt. Alenko first. Meet me in my cabin in thirty." He walked away without waiting for a response.
"I will be there!" she yelled after him.
The next half hour was agonizingly long. She sat at her data terminal, trying to continue some work. She quickly realized that neither her head nor her heart could stay on topic. Instead, she tried to decide what she was going to say to Shepard. When the thirty minutes were up, she still found herself without words.
Liara hated how unprepared she was, but she knew that Shepard would not enjoy being kept waiting. She headed to his cabin.
The door was locked, which was no surprise. She hit the call button and said, "It is I."
The door swiftly unlocked and opened for her. Once she was inside, Shepard relocked it.
He was sitting at his desk with a sniper rifle in pieces before him. Stacked in the corner of his desk was a pile of datapads that Liara assumed were schematics for new weapons, shield generators, omnitools, and weapon and armor modifications that Shepard would tackle next. He was trying to keep himself busy and away from the new nightmare he found himself in.
He never looked up from his disassembled rifle. Only after a minute of pregnant silence did he finally ask, "What was so important that it couldn't wait?"
"You… we need to talk about Ashley and the others."
He didn't respond immediately, but Liara noticed that his hands tightened around the tools he was holding. "Leave," he eventually growled.
A younger Liara would have turned on her heels and left the room as quickly as asari-ly possible. But she was not that feeble maiden any longer, and Shepard was going to have to listen to the new, stronger asari that he had helped create.
"I will not."
The commander finally looked at her. He took a depth breath that, what Liara could only assume, was an attempt to calm himself down and remove some of the anger in his voice. He was only marginally successful.
"Listen," he said, "I appreciate what you are trying to do, I really do."
He does not sound appreciative, Liara thought.
"But I have a pile of work here that I need to get squared away. This talk will have to wait." He turned back to his busy work.
"It will not," she answered firmly.
"I don't know if you can see clearly," he said, clearly losing his composure, "but I have a torn down sniper rifle on my desk and a stack of schematics that require my attention."
She pointed to the gun in question. "You mean that sniper rifle, the one I have watched you take apart, adjusted, and pieced together in less than fifteen minutes before the mission?" She gestured to the pile of datapads. "And you must mean those schematics, the ones that have been finished for days, and you are just waiting for an opportune time to send."
He slammed his clenched fist down onto the desk, startling her.
"Leave, Dr. T'Soni."
The words were not a growl this time. The only quality missing from the roar was the volume.
"Shepard… Troy…" she started as she closed the distance between them.
"Don't," he warned.
"Ashley is gone," she said. She reached out in an attempt to put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.
It never made it.
He stood up, violently throwing his chair backward. Liara had to take a few steps back to avoid getting a shoulder to her chin. Shepard glared at her with such ferocity that she shrunk back. She could feel his hot breath on her face. She heard a pounding in her ears. She was not sure if it was Shepard's heart or hers.
"What do you want from me?"
"It is not about what I want, Troy. It is what you need. You need to accept Ashley's death and understand-"
"Accept Ash's death? You want me to accept her death? I have!"
He turned back to his desk and shoved the pieces of his sniper rifle off, scattering them on the floor.
"She's dead, T'Soni! She's never coming back."
He picked up the stack of datapads and threw them across the room.
"And you know why she's gone? Because I fucking left her there."
He picked up his chair. "Left her there to die to save my own sorry ass!" He threw the chair across the room. It crashed against the opposite wall.
Liara, having followed the flight of the chair, turned back to Shepard who was looking at where his chair landed. His chest heaved as he panted, and his knuckles were white. His face displayed a myriad of emotions that she was not used to witnessing on the commander.
However, just as suddenly as it erupted, his rage left him. His legs wobbled, and his knees buckled. He reached out behind him in an attempt to steady himself on his desk, but even that was not enough. He collapsed unceremoniously to the floor.
Liara rushed to his side, hoping he did not hit his head on the way down. Shepard was on his back with his hands covering his eyes. She could see that he was laying on pieces of his rifle and datapads, but he showed no sign of caring.
After a minute passed, Liara asked, "You never had to leave behind members to cover your retreat?" She knew the question was dangerous, but she also knew that Shepard keeping everything bottled inside would only exacerbate the situation. She needed to ask probing questions.
"Never like that," he answered, his voice thick with emotion. "There was always a plan to come back. I may not have been able to save everyone, but it was never a death sentence. Ash, Ray,Abbie, they knew we weren't going to come back for them."
Shepard sat up and maneuvered backwards until his back was against the wall. Liara eased herself down next to him, watching and waiting expectantly.
"Do you know what the deciding factor for my decision was?" he asked. He never met her gaze, instead focusing on his empty hands in his lap.
When he did not continue, Liara asked, "What was it?"
Shepard shook his head. She was not sure if it was a mocking gesture or if it was meant to shake him back to the present.
"Numbers," he quietly admitted.
"Numbers?"
He finally looked at her, but his eyes had a faraway look to them.
"Please, Troy. Talk to me."
"It's simple," he shrugged and dropped his gaze again. "Kaidan had a ten man squad of STG members with him. Ash only had Ray and Abbie. Eleven to three." He kicked one of the datapads that had the misfortune of being too close. "Choice was obvious, simple."
It did not take a scientist to see that the choice was not simple in the slightest. From what she heard from Tali, Troy took almost a minute to decide and several more to come to terms with his choice. If that was not enough, the sight before her, a broken man that could not even sit up without the assistance of a wall, would be.
"Do not lie to yourself. While the choice may have been obvious, it was anything but simple. We both know you are not so callous. You agonized over the decision."
He looked at her briefly out of the corner of his eye. "Talked to Tali before you wanted to try your hand at psychiatry?"
Liara felt her cheeks color. "I wished to understand what happened while you were there. Tali had firsthand experience; she was with you. I wanted to know as much as I could."
"Wanted to know all the facts before you check to see if your precious specimen is broken, T'Soni?"
Liara tensed at the accusation and felt rage course through her.
How dare he, she thought. I came here in attempt to help him, and he merely throws it back into my face. I should leave and let him wallow in his…
The realization of what Shepard was attempting stopped her and cooled the anger somewhat. She had spent too much time in his mind to be deceived. She took one of his opened hands in both of hers.
"You know very well that you are more than a specimen to me. Do not try and push me away, Troy. It will not work. I am not going to leave you like this."
They sat like that for a while. Shepard, to Liara's surprise, did not try to remove his hand from her grasp. In fact, he wrapped his fingers around hers. She tried not to act surprised, but she felt her pulse quickened.
No, she chastised herself as certain emotions bubbled. I will not take advantage of Troy's current vulnerability.
Liara was so taken with her own thoughts that she jumped when Shepard suddenly spoke.
"I want to show you something."
"Okay?" she said, not sure what he meant.
"It's in here," he said as he pointed to his head. "Do you mind melding with me?"
"Of course not. Are you certain though? I know now is a delicate time."
Shepard nodded. "It is. I've been trying to figure out the best way to share what I want for the past minute, but nothing feels right. I figured I might as well show you from the source." He hesitated a moment. "If it's too much in there, I want you to break the connection. Don't push yourself, Cielo."
Liara closed her eyes and pushed away that certain feeling she encountered whenever the commander would call her by his nickname for her. "Clear your mind, Troy. Embrace eternity."
Once their minds were connected, Shepard's state stunned Liara. She had felt a variety of background emotions while they were melded. Happiness and contentment made the experience feel brighter and more alive. Anger and rage forced a stiffening of his mental space, making any progress difficult and exhausting. Fear and nervousness caused a slickness to fall; when Liara would try to view a memory or move to deeper reaches of Shepard's unconscious, the desired objective would be difficult to grasp and stay connected with, sliding away at any moment.
Liara thought she had readied herself for the sorrow and guilt she knew would be present. She was woefully unprepared. The sadness was so consuming and weighing that she had difficulty even processing the emotion.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought you here," Shepard said (through their multiple joining's, they had become exceedingly proficient at communicating while melded) and began forcing her out.
She fought him. "Do not push me out, Troy. Show what you wish me to see."
The push on her diminished until it was no more. When she finally acclimatized to the unfamiliar state, Liara explored how it affected his conscious.
Apparently, sadness made his mind murky and clouded. It was not a fight to maneuver the same way it was with anger, nor was it difficult to hold onto memories like fear. It simply made everything unfocused, dull, and hard to navigate. While it should have been obvious, Liara was surprised by how perfectly the gloom contrasted happiness.
She began searching for whatever Shepard had to show her but quickly found it to be useless. She could spend all day in this murk and never find it. Shepard would simply have to show her.
A memory eventually came into focus in front of her. It was painfully slow, and Liara could sense his hesitation. She touched it and was propelled into the scene.
Shepard was overlooking a large, tranquil body of water. She could hear the waves below and feel the humid air.
Virmire, Liara said.
Shepard didn't answer, but she knew she was right as his grief intensified.
Even as he looked over a peaceful scene, Liara could tell the commander had been anything but at peace. All she could feel from him was numbness and physical pain that radiated from his balled hands.
"Give them hell, marine. Tanaka, Pakti, that goes for you too," she heard him say in the memory.
There was a response, but the commander didn't pay it much mind. What did grab his attention was a private comm channel request from Williams. Shepard tapped a few commands on his omnitool to isolate the two.
"Skipper?" she asked after a moment of silence.
"I'm here."
"Just wanted to say thanks for giving me the opportunity to prove myself." She paused. "I meant what I said, in your cabin. You're the best CO I've ever served under."
"I'm sorry, Ash. I failed-"
"Don't do that, Shepard. Don't take this away from me. This is my choice. I decided to arm the bomb. This isn't on you. You don't get to be the hero all the time."
Shepard didn't answer. Liara knew that Williams had hit a nerve when she called him a hero. Ever since Daily accused him of playing hero on Mindoir, the commander always paused at the word.
"Now, stop standing around, and get the lieutenant outta here. I swear to God, if I see you at the pearly gates, I'm going to kick your ass up and down those golden streets." There was an explosion in the background. "Damn it! Another wave coming in. Gotta go, Skipper. Get that turian bastard for me!"
The channel closed before he could answer. After a moment, he released the railing that he didn't realize he held in a viselike grip. His hands ached as Shepard tried to relax them.
He turned around. Tali appeared shocked. Garrus merely nodded in grim understanding.
"Come on. Let's make sure we don't waste the chance they have given us."
The memory faded, and Liara noticed that her surroundings had grown bleaker.
"I believe Ashley told you to not bear this burden. You really do not listen well, do you?"
He laughed. It sounded very harsh. "You aren't the first one to tell me that. What did she expect? She knew me well enough to know I would anyway."
"You should not have locked yourself in your cabin," Liara said. "I know you too, Troy. You will dwell on what happened insistently until you drive yourself mad."
"I won't let my crew suffer this. No one else should have to deal with it more than they already are. It was my decision. I'm the only one who should live with it."
"Then, you are a fool."
"What?" He sounded very surprise.
"You are a fool," she repeated gently. "For all your talk of making the people you serve with family, you do not seem to realize what a family does for one another."
"And what is that?"
"We support each other. We make certain that no one goes through life alone."
Shepard seemed pensive for a time. "And how do you plan to support me?" he finally asked.
She stood shocked for a moment. "I truly had not thought that far ahead. I simply wanted you to express your frustrations." A thought suddenly struck her. "But, since we are here, there is something I can show you, memories that will remind you that you are a good Shepard like your father wished you to be."
He was obviously skeptical. "And what memories are those?"
"Let's start with Feros."
At the mere mention of the planet, Shepard's mind brought forth the memories of their time there. Liara could not help but be somewhat pleased that she could force Shepard to think about what she wished.
She touched the memory, and, together, they experienced the commander putting life and limb in peril to ensure that the colonists survive.
"Protecting the flock, Troy?" she asked once the scene was over.
"Anyone would have done that for them."
"I believe Wrex indicated that taking such actions was a waste of time."
Liara could feel genuine amusement from Shepard. "Fine. Anyone with half a conscience would."
"Hmmm. Another example is needed then. Maybe Asteroid X57 and Terra Nova?"
The mood instantly darkened again.
"Ash's family is on Terra Nova," he said. "I met them when we picked her up. I should go back there after we caught Saren, explain to them what happened. She deserves that."
She did not like the direction this little adventure through Shepard's memories had taken, but Liara was going to capitalize on the situation.
"You do realize that you are able to because you stopped an asteroid from crashing into their home. Over four million people owe you their lives from that planet alone. Same could be said about Major Kyle's cult, Dr. Chloe Michel, and Talitha."
She knew the mention of Talitha Jefferson would drive the point home. Shepard had found some semblance of peace over Mindoir after he protected Scott's younger sister. Liara hoped to remind him of that.
"If you are so willing to accept your perceived failures," she continued, "and that is exactly what some of them are, perceived, then you must also be willing to accept your successes. And I am telling you that they are more numerous then you realize."
She could still sense that Shepard was skeptical.
"You do not believe me?"
"I believe that you believe it. I just don't see it."
Liara huffed. "Fine. Prepare yourself, Troy. This might be a little jarring."
Before he could respond, she began to alter their connection. Shepard's mind began to fade into the background as she drew him into her consciousness.
Truthfully, Liara had never attempted this transfer mid-meld before. She was not completely sure how well his mind would take to it. Her inexperience was evident when Shepard's avatar snapped into existence and stumbled to the ground.
"What the hell did you do, Liara?" he accused as he stood and attempted to shake off the odd process that he was forced to endure.
She formed her own avatar in an attempt to ease to transition for him, give him a point to focus on. "I apologize for being so rough, but, what was that human saying again? Drastic times call for drastic measures?"
"Did Corporal Hicks tell you that one? He loves those old platitudes."
"Do not attempt to downplay your own affinity for such sayings."
Amusement rolled of him before his confusion returned. "Where are we?"
Before she answered, Liara studied his avatar, the mental projections of oneself that help ground the person in the unfamiliar environment of someone else's consciousness. Since this was the first time Liara saw Shepard outside his mental space, it was the first time she had the opportunity to see his.
Liara's form was dressed in her simple archeologist attire. Shepard had made the joke that, regardless of where she was, she would always be digging in the dirt for new information. She had not found the comment as amusing as he did.
Troy's avatar was dressed in his medium armor with his sniper rifle attached to his back and pistol on his hip. The significance was not lost on Liara. He was always ready for a fight, even in his own mind.
"We are in my mind, Troy," she answered.
"I see." He relaxed and took a moment to take in her presence. "It's peaceful here. Much different than mine or Shiala's."
Jealousy flashed through her at the mention of the other asari's name, and she quickly tried to push the emotion aside. When they were in Shepard's mind, Liara had quite adept at hiding her emotions that she did not want him to experience. However, she knew that, in her own mind, there was no place to keep them away from Shepard.
Liara sighed in relief when he made indication of noticing the jealousy. She realized too late that he would more than likely feel that as well.
"I-I am sorry. I am not used to sharing such an intimate melding with another. I am finding it difficult to control my emotions."
Shepard smiled at her. She noticed it didn't quite reach his eyes.
"Little different when the tables are turned, isn't it, Cielo?"
She made no attempt to stop the complicated emotion that surged forward this time. She knew the endeavor would be fruitless.
Again, Shepard gave no hint that he felt it. "So, why did you bring me here?"
"I wish to show you another one of your successes."
"Couldn't you have just done your little trick and showed it to me in my mind?"
Liara smiled. "I thought you could use a different perspective." She brought the memory forward. "Go ahead. Touch it."
He did, and they were propelled into the scene.
They found themselves in a large cavern. Even underground, the air was hot and smelled faintly of sulfur.
Isn't this Therum? Shepard asked.
Yes, Liara answered. Now, no more talking. This is important.
Liara found herself hunched over a computer console. The time on the screen indicated that it was very late which explained why she was the only one still working at the dig site. The rest of the scientists had turned in hours ago.
She was working diligently, cataloging some of the prothean artifacts that came from a trove discovered late in the day. The others on the dig decided that their entry into the directory could be put off for tomorrow, but Liara knew she would not be able to sleep with such interesting pieces simply waiting to be examined.
Wow. I mean, I knew you liked prothean stuff, but I didn't realize you geeked out that much.
I believe I said no talking, Troy.
As she was entering a particularly novel artifact that appeared to be a bracelet of some kind, a large bang sounded near the entrance above her.
She jumped. "Is that you, Lesh?" she yelled up. "Why do you find such joy in tormenting me?"
The entire cavern was silent, eerily so.
Do not be frightened, Liara, she thought, trying to bolster her courage. It's just that salarian research assistance that has been relentless with his pranks this entire dig. I swear, if he dedicated even half of the time he takes to pester me into studying, he would have two doctorates by now.
"I will not play your games tonight, Lesh. You might as well return to your bunk and sleep. We have a lot of work to accomplish tomorrow." She was not sure if she was talking to stop prank or to fill the void.
This time, there was a response. An odd banging sound caught Liara's attention. It seemed to be coming from the doors that led into the ruins, but it was nothing that she recognized. She knew the sounds of the machines in the dig site. This sounded nothing like them.
She stood and went to check on the noise. She realized that this could be exactly what Lesh wanted from her, but her curiosity overrode her fear.
Suddenly, a large explosion shook the entire cavern. Bits of dirt and rock fell from the ceiling, and Liara lost her footing. The banging on the door seemed to increase in frequency and urgency.
Then, she heard a one loud bang and a thud. Silence fell again for a pregnant moment before the inner doors slide away to reveal armed mechs storming into the area. One turned its lit head toward her and began to click, chirp, and sputter insistently. The others looked towards her as well before they quickly made their way to the elevators.
Liara was frozen where she stood. It was not until the first elevator released its occupants on the lower floor when she finally snapped back into reality and realized that these mechs were coming for her, and they were not going to assist her in cataloguing the artifacts.
She quickly ran to the only safe place she could think of in this situation. She flew up the catwalk and into the prothean ruins. She typed furiously at the controls, hoping that she could find some defense mechanism that was still operation in the fifty thousand year old tech.
Just as the machines were exiting the second elevator, Liara recognize the prothean symbols for "suspension" and "barrier." She activated the program and was instantly relieved to see a blue shimmer materialize between herself and the mechs.
They clicked and whirred at each other when they saw the new obstacle. Some walked deeper into the cavern, probably looking for anything that could help while others tested the barrier's strength with bullets and small explosives. Nothing they tried had any effect.
Liara exhaled in relief and started to head deeper into the ruins to find a way out. She barely took a step away from the council when her body stiffened on its own. She felt herself being lifted and pulled to the center of the small room. When she stopped, suspended with her legs apart and arms out, a blue sphere formed around her. She threw what biotic attacks she could without being able to move, trying to escape from its grasp, but nothing worked. Liara was trapped in the place she hoped would provide protection.
After an hour or so (she found it incredible difficult to gauge time when one was held in one position for so long), a large krogan came down and studied her through the barrier.
"This is the one all right," he said gruffly. "I want explosives on this barrier. We are going to blast our way through."
The mech standing next to him clicked and whirred. Liara guess that the krogan had some sort of translator so he could understand the mechanical noises.
"I don't care if we bring the entire place down. I just want that asari outta there."
More mechanical communications.
The krogan growled. "Fine. Just set up as much of the explosives you can. Tell me when you're finished. I'm gonna be on the surface. Have a few loose ends that need tying up," he said with a wicked grin.
The machines worked with incredible speed. Despite the situation, she wondered what company was responsible for the VI programing installed on the units. They seemed to have a level of awareness that she had never seen in any mech before.
Before she knew it, Liara was looking directly at enough explosives to level a small temple. Obviously, they were not as worried about the site collapsing on them as they let on. Once they moved back to a safe distance, the explosives detonated and rocked the cavern. Liara couldn't help but flinch away.
When she turned back, she was relieved to find that the barrier had withstood the attack. Just as quickly as the relief arrived, it died as Liara heard the groan of metal above her. Then, she watched as pieces of the catwalk above came crashing down.
After a few gut retching minutes, the metal finally settled, and the site was quiet again. Liara was extremely thankful that the entire cavern decided to not collapse as well.
The machines approached to see what their attempt had accomplished. When they saw the destruction they achieved on the surrounding structure but nothing to the prothean ruins, they began to click and chatter to one another more insistently. They walked away while continuing their discussion.
Liara did not know how long she was held in her suspension bubble. Time had very little meaning underground. There was no chrono to indicate how much time as actually passed. The mechs were no help either. They worked tirelessly, not needing breaks for sleep or food.
She spent most her time in captivity trapped in one of four states: crushing terror, frantic panic, grim acceptance, or restless sleep. Her muscles ached from being held in the same position indefinitely. She was desperate for an escape.
Liara could feel her lucidity slipping away slowly. So when she awoke from one of her uncomfortable naps by gunfire from above, she was sure it was merely the remnants of a fear-filled dream. When unfamiliar voices reached her, she was positive that the situation had finally broke her, and she was hallucinating. Only when the elevator began its slow dissent did hope finally grow in her chest. She may survive this predicament just yet.
Three figures walked into view. She first noticed the hulking krogan that seemed to be leading the group, and her heart fell. While this one was different than the first, Liara did not have much faith that he was here to help. Then she noticed the human and quarian that were following him. Hope surged again. They were, quite frankly, the oddest set of individuals she had ever witness, but she was not going to be choosey if they were here to help.
"Hello?! Can you hear me? I'm trapped and need help!" she yelled.
"Don't worry. We will help you. Are you Dr. Liara T'Soni?" the human answered.
Relief overwhelmed her, and she quickly began explaining what had occurred. Liara noticed that only the human was truly paying her any mind. The quarian seemed to be studying the curtain intently while the krogan appeared very bored with the entire conversation.
When they left to find a way past the curtain, Liara had the sense that she had missed something in their conversation. The quarian had made an odd sound, like a restrained sob, while the krogan watched her, perplexed. The human had mumbled something she did not catch. It seemed that her inexperience with other species was already evident to the three visitors.
She did not dwell on the matter, instead focusing on her imminent rescue from her protection turned prison. Liara knew that she should not get her hopes up. The mechs could not break through the shield, and she doubted that these three would fare better. Yet, she could not help but be excited.
A few minutes and large rumble later, the trio appeared behind her. She was truly amazed at their ingenuity. After what she could only assume was some bizarre test the human seemed to give her and brief introductions, Liara led the group into the elevator in the center of the tower.
An unwanted surprise greeted them at the top. The krogan battlemaster that led the machines that she now knew were geth blocked their path. Commander Shepard tried to reason with him, but the krogan seemed to enjoy their predicament.
"Just give us the asari, and we may let you live."
"Whatever you want from me, you are not going to get it!" she quickly responded.
Liara did not know where the courage to say such a thing to a krogan came from. Maybe it was the frustration of being trapped boiling over, or maybe the presence of three fully armed people around her, or maybe the startling close proximity of the commander. When did she maneuver so close behind him?
He turned toward her and gave her a light smile. That smile changed something for Liara. She found it difficult to comprehend. A wealth of comfort overtook her. "Everything is going to be all right," that simple smile said. Even surrounded by geth and a krogan, she felt safe. The thought was ridiculous. It was irrational. It was absurd. It was confusing.
It was right, Liara thought later as the Normandy sped away from Therum.
Hoping that would be enough to convince the very obstinate Shepard, Liara separated their minds. She blinked away the slight disorientation that she experienced whenever she ended the melding and looked at the man sitting in front of her.
His eyes were intense in a way she had never witness before. She had seen him when he was angry, confident, determined, and resolved. This was something entirely different.
"You really felt that way?" Shepard asked.
She simply nodded, too embarrassed to put it into words.
"I never realized…"
Liara could not stop the small smile that graced her lips. "Little different when the tables are turned, isn't it, Rex?" she asked, mimicking him.
He lowered his gaze and laughed lightly. "Yes, it is."
She quickly placed her hands on his cheeks and lifted his head so their eyes met. She would not allow him to miss what was passing between them. He needed to see the results of his successes. He needed to see how much he meant to the people he had helped.
"Do you understand what you did when you saved and protected me? Did you feel what I felt?"
He tried to nod but found his head was being held stationary. "I did. I do."
"Remember that. Remember that when you feel like a failure. Remember that far more people are alive because you are here, fighting for them. Promise me."
"I'll try."
Liara did not like that answer. "Do not try. Promise me you will, Troy. Promise."
She felt his facial muscles pull his lips into a smile. He reached up and covered his hands with his own.
"Relentless, aren't you. Okay, Liara. I promise."
She was glad that she sensed no deceit in his voice and relieved that she was finally able to get through to her stubborn leader.
Then, she realized she was mere inches from him with her hands trapped cradling his face. She felt her face heat, but it was not completely due to that familiar feeling of embarrassment. She felt the same emotions as in the memory on Therum they just experienced together. It felt irrational. It felt confusing. It felt right.
Liara used her thumbs to explore the contours of his face. She could feel the rough stubble that ran along his jawline. It surprised her that his skin was remarkably smooth above the growth, much softer than she expected from a hardened soldier.
She found his scar that ran from the left side of his mouth to under the left side of his cheekbone. The puckered skin felt hard and scarred even after so many years since he received it. It amazed her that she never felt truly drawn to what should be a defining feature. Liara attention was always pulled by some other portion of his face. She wondered if he did that on purpose.
However, she knew that the scar was very important to him, a reminder of everything that occurred on Akuze. She traced what portions that she could. Troy closed his eyes at her touched and relaxed.
Her thumbs then moved over his cheekbones. Troy somehow managed to tense and relax at the same time. His hands held hers tighter, and he sucked in a breath. Yet his shoulders relaxed, and he eased into her hands. She was proud that she could illicit such a response from him.
In a daring show of confidence, she rested her forehead against his. He did not pull away. They sat like this for a while, simply enjoying the closeness between them.
Eventually, Shepard pulled her hands off his face and backed away. She understood they would have to separate eventually, but something deeper wished for the connection to continue.
"Your nickname seems to fit you better than I thought. Looking at the sky and talking to you does wonders for my mood."
"Good. I am glad I could help you," Liara said. "I hope you understand that I know it is still painful to see one of your crewmates die, and I did not intend to imply that you could not mourn Ashley's death. I just-"
Troy interrupted her by placing his hand on her cheek.
By the goddess, she thought as he lightly brushed her skin with his callous fingertips. Her breath caught as the small, seemingly inconsequential motion sent electricity down her spine.
"Don't ruin the moment by overthinking this, Cielo." The combination of his touch and nickname made her shiver. "I know what you were going for. Thank you for this."
He did not wait for her to reply. He quickly stood and offered his hand to Liara. She took it, and he pulled her up next to him.
Shepard looked around the room. "It seems that I have a mess to clean up. If you're done performing the impossible…"
She smiled lightly. "I believe I have done enough for today. I am always ready if you wish to talk, Troy."
He nodded. Liara could tell that there was still grief and guilt, but they were obviously more subdued than when she first arrived.
"I will."
