A/N: Hey guys! Love the reviews, and glad you guys are enjoying! They bring a smile to my face and push me to keep writing even when I feel like just taking a cat nap lol. Feel free to pm me if you have questions you actually want responses to-outside of these A/N's.
Just some vocab:
tsuka: katana handle
mokomoko: Sesshomaru's fur shoulder piece
And as always, some explicit language :3 Enjoy!
[3 Years Ago]
"You know, son, it isn't all powerlessness…"
The demonness looked at her son, the impervious Great Lord of the West. He had accomplished everything he intended to. Lord Sesshomaru had undoubtedly secured the Taisho name and their reign across the lands. He was feared. He was revered. He was untouchable. But the Lady feared that amidst her son's unquestionable strength lie a terrible weakness, a blindspot.
"…When I had told you that when you found your mate you would understand powerlessness, I didn't mean to keep you away from it."
"You didn't keep me away from anything, Mother." Sesshomaru said sternly correcting her mistake.
The Lord looked to his mother. Why was she bringing this up again? What crazy and futile thoughts was she having now?
"Sesshomaru, when the time comes and you find her, you'll know…"
Sesshomaru looked away from his mother and began to disregard the conversation. Not this. Not again.
"Listen to me, Sesshomaru. Yes, you will feel powerless. And knowing you, you'll feel threatened by it. But Sesshomaru…there is a great strength in that part of you; the part that needs another."
Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed.
"I don't need another, Mother. I am not like you in that way."
Sesshomaru's words burned his mother deeply, and he knew it. Sesshomaru meant to do so; he purposely spited his mother to keep her from continuing on. He could stand no more of this talk of 'mates' and 'needing another'. Don't speak to me of such things, Mother. You know better.
Shortly after Azumi had left, Rin decided what she wanted for herself. She wanted to leave on her own terms. She wanted the freedom to come and go as she pleased and to be whoever she desired and not the role she was assigned. She wished to no longer be constrained by the title of "lady" or have to continually submit to other's wills and hide her strength. And amidst all of Rin's desires she knew that she did not happen an unlimited amount of time to make this happen. It was inevitable that she would be made to be someone's bride. And Rin would not allow that. I will escape this life and this Rin. I will leave this place.
Rin walked into a room. She now stood in her empty living quarters looking at the four walls that had represented her life for more than a decade. This was not how she had imagined leaving, escaping. But nonetheless, this would be her opportunity and probably her last chance to make it out of this life she had fallen into. As Rin bid an internal goodbye to the space around her, she took a step towards her bed to touch it one last time. And when inevitably the floor squeaked, Rin's mind returned to the object she had hidden for so long. The kimono. The old Rin. The girl. Rin contemplated for a moment if she should just leave the old kimono there, to never see it again. But something within her was curious. I want to see it one last time. Rin lowered to her knees and began to lift the floorboard. And there it was, a bundle of fabric, dusty and untouched. Rin lifted it and began to open the tied up cloth. Her eyes landed on the tattered kimono and she felt the rush of so many memories pass through her. Good memories. Painful memories. Longing. Emptiness. The last time she had looked at this bundle of fabric she was recovering with Azumi. It seems so long ago, now. God, Azumi, I miss you. I could use you right about now…No, Rin. You can do this on your own. Rin could hear Azumi's voice in her head correcting her; reminding her she would need to do it for herself. Suddenly the floorboards creaked again and Rin darted her gaze behind her. It was him. Lord Sesshomaru stood at the doorway and his amber eyes had fallen to her hands. Shit. Rin looked back down at the bundled kimono and quickly folded the cloth back over it, pretending there was nothing to be seen. Her hand shifted the floorboard back in place and she promptly stood up and took a short bow to the Lord.
"My Lord."
Sesshomaru was still staring at the bundled cloth in her hands.
"It's nothing. Just an old childhood object I had forgotten."
Rin turned back to her bed and placed the bundle down.
"I'll have a servant dispose of i—"
"May I see it?" The Lord interrupted.
Rin's eyes widened.
"The childhood object. May I see it?"
Rin's body tensed a bit; she then picked up the bundled of cloth and hesitantly turned around. Rin looked to Lord Sesshomaru, but his eyes were still fixed on the object. Rin walked towards him and extended her arms out, watching his eyes follow the object. A moment later Sesshomaru reached for the item and held it with his own hands.
Even though it was covered in old cloth, Sesshomaru knew what it was. He could smell the threadbare kimono and the scent it held onto. This is the kimono…I gave her. Sesshomaru's fingers gripped the bundled fabric, his eyes fixed on the object before him.
[FLASHBACK]
"Milord, we cannot care for this human anymore!"
Jaken was panicked, Lord Sesshomaru could tell that without a doubt. Sesshomaru sat unfazed by the small imp's distressed rantings, he watched as the toad flung his arms about and walked in circles.
"Her name is Rin."
Jaken froze mid sentence, totally caught off guard by the Lord's response. I didn't think he was even listening.
"Whaaa?"
"We cannot take care of Rin anymore. Isn't that what you meant?"
Didn't I say that?
"Y-yes, Milord, of course."
Jaken shook his head in agreement even though he was still confused by the Lord's correction.
"Milord, Rin is no longer a little girl! She's growing into a woman and I have no knowledge of such crazy things!"
Lord Sesshomaru looked to Jaken and then looked away.
"Milord, should we not secure a qualified residence for the gir—, I mean, for Rin?"
Lord Sesshomaru remained unmoved as he sat there in thought. Jaken awaited his response in anxious silence.
"Do you imply that I cannot offer her a good home, Jaken?"
Jaken's face expanded in horror.
"No! Milord! Never!"
Sesshomaru brought his gaze back to the imp in question.
"M-milord! I only imply that you still have much work to do securing the Taisho name and reign! And a human, like Rin, will only get in the way of your important objective!"
Sesshomaru drew his glare away from his servant. He knew that he was right, even if he didn't want to believe so. Why am I even bothered by this? He is right. The human will just get in the way. My duty is only to the Taisho name and kingdom. I will not succumb to any distraction, big or small. I must do what it necessary.
"You are correct, Jaken."
Jaken was stunned yet again. I'm right?...I'm right! Lord Sesshomaru suddenly looked to Jaken. Jaken halted his internal self-praise, prepared for the Lord to rectify his misunderstood affirmation.
"Secure her a residence, Jaken."
[FLASHBACK ENDS]
Sesshomaru stood there in front of Lady Rin in complete stillness. His fingers gripped tighter around the bundle of fabric that seemed to permeate through his clawed hands. His amber eyes were unable to look away from the wrapped kimono. The feel of the cloth, the faded scent of a human, the memories attached; they were all attacking Sesshomaru. This object was a reminder of many forgotten things. It reminded him of how much time had really passed. It reminded him of the choice he had made. It reminded him that he had left her. It reminded him that she still…remembered.
So many choices made that didn't seem like choices at the time.
By dusk they were miles into the forest, long past Azumi's empty cabin. They had been traveling since morning and Rin felt a bittersweet sensation throughout her mind and body. She was relieved to finally have left that Household, to know she would never have to call it home again. However, she was not leaving of her own accord, and her fellow travelers' presence constantly reminded her of that. As Rin sat atop A-Un, her old friend, her eyes watched Sesshomaru's long, white hair sway side to side and he continued to walk forward. She was still at a loss regarding Sesshomaru's reaction to the bundled kimono earlier that day.
[FLASHBACK]
"You mean to dispose of this?"
Rin was caught off guard. Lord Sesshomaru had been standing there, just looking at the wrapped kimono for a very long, uncomfortable period of time. And when he finally spoke his eyes never strayed away from the object in his hands. He hadn't attempted to unwrap it, he just stared at it, unmoving. What is going on? What is he doing?
"Uh, yes, my Lord…"
Rin began to extend her arm out to reach for the clump of old cloth. Lord Sesshomaru's gaze suddenly shot up to hers and his amber eyes looked as if they were on fire. What the hell? Sesshomaru's hands clenched and his gaze quickly dropped away from Rin. He took a deep breath as Rin watched him carefully observing his every movement.
"I will dispose of it. For you."
The Lord's voice sounded as if it had a murmur of a shake in it. What the fuck is going on? Did he see it when he came in? Is he angry I'm throwing it away? What right does he…Sesshomaru turned on a heel and began to exit the space. He paused just outside the door.
"Jaken and I will be waiting for you outside."
Rin looked at his back now. She could not understand this person. And Rin did not want to spend anymore time trying to understand him or trying to decipher his actions. She did want to have to work to try not hating him…because if she hated him that would mean she cared enough to be hurt by him. Focus on what you want, Rin. Focus on your freedom.
[FLASHBACK ENDS]
"We'll stop here and camp here, tonight."
Jaken pulled on A-Un's ropes and the creature halted. As Rin looked around to scan the campsite she suddenly felt hands wrap around her waist. One of Rin's hands instinctually grabbed at the perpetrator's wrist, her fingers clenched. Her narrowed eyes instantly followed. There she was staring into Sesshomaru's eyes with focused ferocity. Her breath was caught in her chest. She could see he meant to assist her off A-Un, but Rin was on alert since she had left home and her reflexes were beyond her. She released her clamped hand and shifted her gaze away from him.
"I can get off on my own…my Lord."
Without a word, Sesshomaru swiftly brought her to her feet.
"I know you can."
Sesshomaru released his hands and walked away. Rin grit her teeth and took a deep breath. Rin, focus. She felt fire burn in her, but she fought it fiercely. Do not allow anyone to see this. Don't let him get to you, Rin.
Darkness had swept over the campsite as their fire began to lose its power, sinking into glowing embers. Rin's eyes opened. She looked around herself searching for the bodies of her traveling companions. She could see Jaken and A-Un, and a moment later she could see the Lord propped against a nearby tree. Rin slowly began to sit up, watching the Lord and Jaken for any movement. When all was still, Rin began to stand and lightly walk towards the one chest of belongings she had brought with her. The one moment walking like a lady pays off. There was barely any light out, the moon was a slender sliver in the sky, but it gave her just enough light to see her way. This is your moment, Rin. Take the opportunity before it passes. Breathe. Focus. Rin opened the chest cautiously, looking around her to be sure Jaken and the Lord were still asleep. Rin reached to the bottom of the chest and she felt it. Daisuke. Let's get out of here. Rin placed the wrapped blade on the ground and grabbed her clothes. She carefully closed the chest and looked around her once more. She kept her eyes on the Lord as she slowly rose to standing and then she began to take one step backward at a time. She did so until she could no longer see them or the fading embers of the fire. She then turned on her heels and began to quietly sprint. Her heart was racing and she could feel it as if it were pounding in her throat. She was so anxious. Even more than the night she had killed Hara. I have to escape. I've waited so long. I only have this one chance.
Rin kept running, her heartbeat getting louder and louder in her ears. She ran until she had no breath left within her and then darted behind a tree resting her back on it. As her chest heaved up and down gasping for air she looked around her scanning her surroundings. You're alone. Good. Rin crouched down and began to untie her obi with one hand. The other hand clenched her blade while her eyes continued to look around. She shook away her now frayed silk kimono, and looked around once more. When she was sure she saw no one around her she put her blade down and began to put a simple man's kimono on. She secured her obi and then grabbed the wrapped Daisuke. She unraveled the dark cloth around it and then she placed the sheathed Daisuke in her obi. Rin took the cloth that had wrapped it and placed it within her kimono, against her chest. She quieted her breath for a moment and closed her eyes. She stood there, against the tree, and listened. She could hear the little cooing sounds of the forest; she could hear that wind rustling through the leaves bringing calm to this wild domain. Her thoughts flashed to the night she had walked the dark forest alone making her way to that river. Not this time. This is the real thing, Rin. You're doing it. You're free. So, breathe. Focus. One of Rin's hands dismantled the bun in her hair and then her hands quickly fastened her loose mane into a French braid. She fastened the braid with a piece of cloth and then looked around once more. When she saw nothing she brought her hand to her hip to hold the Daisuke close and prepared to run once more.
"Don't run."
Rin's eyes darted around herself frantically searching for the voice. She heard a twig snap behind her and instantly her hand withdrew her blade and she pivoted swiftly and drew the blade down on her opponent. Rin's eyes locked with the amber eyes before her. Sesshomaru's hand held the blade up, keeping it from slicing into his face. A stream of blood trailed down his arm from his hand. Rin's breath was short and shallow, she suddenly realized she was still bearing her weight down into her katana; cutting into Sesshomaru's hand. She withdrew her blade and took a defensive stance. No pretenses now.
"Move away."
Rin glared at Sesshomaru, ready to destroy anything that may stand in the way of her freedom. Sesshomaru looked at his hand noticing the blood and then looked back to her, his face unchanged.
"Move. Away. I am leaving."
Sesshomaru stood still and unmoving. His amber eyes fixed on hers.
"Move away! Don't force my hand!"
Rin lifted the Daisuke, the blade diagonally held to the side of her face. The Lord remained unmoved. So be it. Rin shifted forward and swept her katana creating a silver streak through the dark night. Sesshomaru sidestepped. Rin's eyes looked to her side seeing the Lord just a half step away from her. She pivoted and glided her blade and felt it make contact. The Lord stood there expressionless and she withdrew her blade from his flesh. His hand came to his shoulder, his kimono now torn from the katana's cut, blood was leaking out. His eyes were still fixed on her. He's not fighting back. Fight me, demon! Get out of my way or fight me! Rin recoiled into her stance.
"Either get out of my way or fight me."
Her eyes glared at him with full rage; she no longer had to hide her fire.
Sesshomaru did nothing; his blood began to soak his pristine kimono.
"Leave me be, demon!"
Rin lunged forward, propelling her body as a weapon. You will not take my freedom! Suddenly her body was constricted. She looked up and saw his eyes. His arms were wrapped around her, binding her in a close embrace. She could smell his blood. She could feel the touch of his mokomoko against her skin. She could feel his pulse.
"Get off me!" Rin hissed.
His grip released and Rin fell to the ground and instantly began to crawl backwards, clutching her blade. Her face and body now covered in the Lord's blood. Rin felt herself unraveling, and fast. Millions of thoughts and memories raced through her mind. I won't go back. I won't go back! Rin backed herself against a tree as Sesshomaru took a step forward. She looked like a cornered animal seething with animosity. Sesshomaru took another step forward.
"Stop!"
Rin brought the edge of the Daisuke to her throat. Sesshomaru halted.
"Don't take another fucking step!"
Sesshomaru stood still, his gaze locked on Rin's teary eyes.
"I won't go back. "
Rin had nothing left to lose. If she could not escape this life, she would escape this world. I'm sorry, Azumi. I tried. A streak of white shot before her and suddenly Sesshomaru was kneeling in front of her, his bloody hand holding the blade of the Daisuke once more. The blade suddenly glowed red. Rin's eyes looked to the radiating blade and then back to Sesshomaru. No! Let me die! Rin released the tsuka and clenched her fists against her chest like armor. She looked into the Lord's amber eyes and did not look away. If she could not fight him with her blade, she would fight him with her words.
"Take me, then. Do what you, please. You will never have me. You will never break me!"
Rin's voice was livid with malevolence. Sesshomaru could clearly see the fire ablaze in Rin's soul. And Sesshomaru said nothing, and his silence infuriated Rin. Why do you stop me?! Why do you continue to torture me?! Rin wanted him to react. She wanted to see him in pain, to see him hurt…like she did. I hate you. I hate you, you cursed demon.
"Go, Sesshomaru. Make me your servant for the rest of my pathetic, human life. Make me wait upon you until I am no more."
Sesshomaru's eyes widened. She was onto something. Rin continued, digging her bladed words into the discovered artery.
"Yes, Lord Sesshomaru. Make me wait longer. Make me even more decimated than I am now. Is that not what you wanted? Is that not what you intended for your spared human burden?"
Sesshomaru's pupils retracted in horror. Rin's hands grabbed the collar of her kimono and started to pull it away. I will make you face me. I will make you see what I've become.
"Why not take me here and now and get it over with, my Lord? Take what's rightfully yours. What is indebted to you…"
Rin's words sliced deeper than a blade ever could and Sesshomaru felt the cuts deeply. He dropped the Daisuke's blade away and grabbed her hands, stopping them in place. He pressed his hands into her, pinning her against the tree, immobilizing Rin's body. Rin closed her eyes and laughed. The sound sent chills down the Lord's spine.
"Yes. You are all the same."
Sesshomaru's eyes were frozen on Rin's sickeningly calm face. He couldn't move or say a word. Her laughed suddenly ceased and her eyes opened on his.
"Take what you want..."
Rin leaned her head in close, bringing her hot breath to the demon Lord's ear. Lord Sesshomaru couldn't move himself. She then whispered to him sensually,
"You wouldn't be the first."
Lord Sesshomaru pushed her away and stared at her in terror. Rin closed her eyes once more, leaning the back of her head on the tree behind her in a dark satisfaction.
"That's what I thought…" she whispered.
Lord Sesshomaru couldn't even breathe. He had never in all his battles and injuries felt such pain and paralyzing fear.
"Not the Rin you wanted…am I?"
A/N: Oh, damn. Right? Shizzzzzzz. Things are getting crazy :3 lol. So what do you think? As always, let me know in the reviews ;) Hope you all had a good Sunday/weekend. Here's to another work week...ugh.
Cheers,
Frida D
