AN: Hey, ya'll! So I felt really bad that I kept you guys waiting for a week again, but this chapter turned into a MONSTER (hope you all like long chapters!) and even though it was a week I was like writing my face off to get it done. Hopefully the next one won't take as long! Once again, thanks for all the reviews, favorites, alerts, and just everything! They truly do mean a lot to me! :) So, this chapter deals with a lot of emotional stuff for both girls and there are probably a few parts where I might break your heart, but it gets better! Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Still not owning...
Chapter 12 – A Time To Remember
The following morning when Rachel woke up, she found Santana sprawled out on her stomach and she just didn't have the heart to wake her too. It appeared that she was still in a deep sleep by the way she had her face buried in the sheets and her hair spilled over everywhere. So, Rachel left her with a kiss on the forehead and then quietly made her way down to the living room, heading for the kitchen.
As she tried to creep along without making a sound, a head of dark messy hair popped up from the couch and asked curiously, "Whatcha doin'?"
"Oh, good morning, Noelia," Rachel greeted. The little girl seemed happy that she had been correctly identified, but she didn't have to know that Rachel could only tell the difference because Isabel still had faint scratch marks on her face. "I didn't wake you, did I?"
"No…I wanted to watch cartoons. Is is still sleeping," Noelia explained, showing her the remote to the flat screen television that hung on the wall. "You wanna watch with me? I'll share my blanket with you."
Rachel couldn't fight the smile that took over her face. She was truly appreciative for the twins' openness. "I would love to!" Noelia patted the couch beside her and once Rachel sat down she spread the blanket out over them and grinned up at the older girl.
The two sat close together and each time something funny would happen during the shows Noelia giggled and buried her face against Rachel's arm, making her laugh as well. Secretly, Rachel thought that half the fun of being with Santana was being able to hang out with her adorable sisters as well. It was like having a surrogate Santana when the real one was still crashed in bed.
"Guess what's on next!" Noelia said mysteriously and tugged at Rachel's arm in excitement.
Back in the day, Rachel would have certainly known the morning line-up of cartoons, but not so much anymore. "I don't know! What!" Rachel asked with just as much enthusiasm, enjoying the way the little girl puffed up proudly at the fact that she knew.
"Scooby doo! It's my favorite!"
"Really?" Rachel smiled, surprised that someone her age favored the older cartoon over the multitude of newer ones that had gone on the air. "I used to watch it when I was little too!"
"I know!" Noelia gushed as she bounced slightly and still clung to her arm. "Santí told me it's her favorite and that she used to watch it with mami, so it's my favorite too!"
"Aww," Rachel couldn't help but say. The mental image of a baby Santana watching cartoons with her mother was too cute for words, especially considering that she didn't have her mother anymore. It also made Rachel a little envious in the best possible way, while she had two loving fathers she had never had a mother. Hearing the small snippet of Santana's childhood made Rachel want to hear more, both to know more about her girlfriend and to satisfy her curiosity about that type of a bond.
While Noelia cackled about Scooby snacks and zombies, Rachel tried to imagine more scenarios from when Santana was younger. Lima being a small town, they had gone to school together since kindergarten but their paths never really crossed until high school and Glee club. They had known of one another and Rachel could even remember when she had heard through the elementary school grapevine that one of her classmates' mothers had been killed in the car accident that had been splashed across the newspapers.
At the time, Rachel hadn't truly understood the magnitude of the situation. But she did know that when she would see the tanned skinned, dark haired little girl known as Santana Lopez sobbing in the nurse's office, it made a part of her own small heart hurt as well. She knew what it felt like to miss her mother, in fact she still did and she had never even had her mother like Santana once had.
"Wasn't that funny!" Noelia laughed as the end credits rolled up the screen.
Rachel hadn't realized how long she had been lost in thought, but she put on a smile and nodded for Noelia's sake. "It was humorous, I thoroughly enjoyed it."
Noelia laughed even harder at the explanation and wrapped her arms around the taller brunette, snuggling close to her. "You're funny too!"
"Noelia, can I talk to you about something?"
"Yep!"
"I wanted to talk to you about why you were mad at Santana yesterday," Rachel told her, feeling a twinge of guilt when Noelia went still against her. If she was anything like her older sibling – which she was – then it was already a known fact that she wouldn't really care for this conversation. "She didn't mean to upset you, you know? She was just excited to go out and she didn't realize that she made you sad."
"I know…" Noelia grudgingly said, her voice taking on a cool tone.
"Santana loves you and Isabel so much, she would never hurt or leave you two," Rachel gently explained, while hoping that she was being understood. She was even toning down her usual vocabulary. "And I want you to know that just because I'm Santana's girlfriend that doesn't mean that I want to take her away from you. You and Isabel mean a lot to San, and since she means so much to me, you two do as well. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"
"I think so…" the little girl said slowly, and then looked up at Rachel. "You like Santí a lot, so you like me and Is a lot too?"
"Exactly," Rachel agreed with one of her winning smiles. "And if either of you ever need help or you want someone to talk to, you can come to me, okay?"
"Okay!" Noelia echoed back, now sounding pleased. She grinned up at the older girl again and then looked down bashfully. The Lopez girls were experts at making someone fall in love with them.
"Perfect! Now, would you like to help me get breakfast together for your sisters?"
"Are we gonna be vegans!" Noelia asked excitedly, as she nearly yanked Rachel's arm off while jumping off the couch and pulling her towards the kitchen.
As Rachel jogged along behind, she laughed, "Well, I don't know how much Santana would appreciate that this morning, but I'll cut up some fruit for you so you can be a vegan."
"Yes!"
Noelia did more aimless chattering than helping while Rachel made pancakes, grimacing and thinking about innocent chickens and cows as she broke open the eggs and poured the milk. After she had finished with those, she began peeling a banana for Noelia when suddenly a near lifeless being shuffled into the room.
"Good morning, Santana. You slept well, I take it?" Rachel asked, smiling at her girlfriend as she stood next to Noelia.
Santana didn't answer; she just reached up to scratch her scalp where her loose ponytail had shifted to the side of her head. She normally never slept as late as she had and she felt as if she couldn't wake up. She squinted her eyes closed and then opened them wide to focus on everything that was going on in the kitchen, but she still seemed confused.
"Are you alright?"
"She's a zombie!"
Rachel gave the smaller Latina a chiding glance. "Noelia, that's no way to greet your big sister." Then she leaned forward to whisper in the little girl's ear so Santana wouldn't hear her, if she was even capable of hearing yet. "Remember what we talked about? Maybe you should give her a hug or something."
"Oh, yeah!" Noelia exclaimed, nodding her head vigorously and then jumping down from her chair. She rushed up to Santana and threw her arms around her waist, nearly knocking her off her feet. "G'morning, Santí, I love you!"
The short, yet powerful phrase pulled Santana out of her daze and she knelt down to her knees, wincing a little as she did. Noelia may not have made it explicitly clear as to what the greeting was supposed to mean, but Santana didn't need an explanation to know exactly what it meant. They were bonded enough to be able to understand one another without words. It was the reconciliation she had been hoping for since she had laid in Noelia's bed with her the day before.
Santana pulled her sister close, placing one hand at the back of her head to guide it down to her shoulder. "I love you too, Noelia, so much. I'm sorry."
Noelia began squirming away as any six-year-old would, to get back to her breakfast. But as she went she said cheerfully, "It's okay, I know you didn't mean to upset me!"
It made Santana smile because she knew that her sister hadn't come up with that one on her own. As she stood up again her eyes found Rachel's before she walked over to her and scooped her up into a hug, squeezing her so tight that her toes left the floor for a moment. "You're kind of amazing, you know that, Rachel?" she whispered into her girlfriend's dark brown hair.
"Of course," she said playfully. "So did you sleep well? You never answered."
"So, so well," Santana rasped into Rachel's ear and then kissed the sensitive skin below it. "But no morning cuddle practice? I missed you."
"You just looked so beautiful this morning that I couldn't bear to wake you up."
"Ha!" Santana said, tossing her head back. "There's nothing beautiful about this look!"
Rachel captured the Latina's face between her hands and guided it down to hers. It was true that Santana had been in a disheveled state when she left her, but there really was something beautiful about how relaxed and at ease she had appeared. "It's beautiful to me," she smiled, and then kissed the other girl.
By the time Santana was able to pull herself away for breath, her cheeks were flushed. It was something she just couldn't seem to control anymore, especially since Rachel was such an extreme flatterer. "Get outta here with that, you're lying," she laughed.
"Fine, don't believe me," Rachel said with a shrug, pushing Santana towards a chair. "Now, sit. I made you breakfast or at least I attempted it. I'm not very well versed in the process of cooking the products of overworked animals, but…that's your problem now." She set plates in front of Santana, who was making a disbelieving face and Noelia, who just didn't care, before turning back around to find another little Lopez staring at her tiredly.
"Hi, Rachel…" Isabel said a tad shyly.
"Hey there," Rachel answered, and then looked over to her girlfriend to see her smiling as she began to eat. "Are you hungry? I made breakfast for you and your sisters."
The young girl nodded, but instead of going to her usual seat she went up to Rachel and rested her head against her without saying a word. After a short hesitation, Rachel patted her head and then hugged her back.
"What can I say?" Santana said out loud. "We likes to get our snuggles on."
"Apparently so" Rachel added as she guided Isabel to eat beside her twin. She took the seat that she had purposely left open next to Santana; there would be no longing glances from across the table this time. "So, ladies," she said while picking up her orange juice. "Are you excited for Christmas! It's only two days away!"
Santana felt her stomach drop and nearly lost her fork as it ascended to her mouth, but was able to swiftly recover while the twins began ranting about everything they wanted for said holiday. With having a new girlfriend serving as a thorough distraction, she had completely forgotten that Christmas Eve – along with another much less celebratory event – was only the very next day. Her pulse began to speed up and suddenly her appetite was gone.
"I'm going to go take a shower," she announced a little too quickly, automatically alerting Rachel to something being wrong.
"We just sat down…" Rachel pointed out. Even though she knew that the information was painfully obvious.
"Um, I know," Santana said, looking distracted and confused over what she should do with her plate. Her thoughts were being consumed and her brain was shutting down to the most simple of tasks, she had to get away. "I'm just…I'll hurry, I'll be back down in a few." She set her plate in the sink and then dashed from the kitchen, leaving Rachel to sit worrying with the twins. Who were normally so in tune with their older sister, but had been distracted by the prospect of Christmas morning.
~S~R~S~R~S~R~S~R~
"Santana?" Rachel called as she stood in the upstairs hallway, knocking on her girlfriend's bedroom door. "It's me."
The door opened moments later to reveal a freshly showered Santana, who was sporting an obviously fake smile. "Hey…" she said enticingly, her voice low as if she hadn't just practically caused a scene at breakfast. She shook her wet hair out of her face, making a stray piece fall across her left eye. And it would have been even sexier if it wasn't so apparent that she was trying to be distracting.
"Okay, seductress Santana, enough," Rachel said firmly, pushing past the door and into the room. "What just happened down there? Did I say something wrong?"
"No, not at all," Santana mumbled, turning her attention to her vanity mirror and picking up a comb. She began running it through her hair, being not at all careful as she encountered snarls in the thick black waves.
Somewhat aware of what was happening, Rachel went to her and carefully took the comb from her hand. "Stop it, San," she gently instructed. "Just tell me what's wrong? Does it have something to do with Christmas, or your dad, maybe?"
"Close…"
"Tell me, please…maybe I can help."
Santana sighed deeply. "I just don't like Christmas, okay?" She moved to reach for something else, but Rachel caught her wrist before she could and turned her around.
The taller girl flinched and brought her captured wrist and the hand it was wrapped in up to her chest, a scowl marring her features as if she might lash out. Rachel let go and disappointment flashed in her eyes from Santana's reaction.
"Nevermind…" the petite brunette said under her breath, looking down at the carpeting in between them. "I won't push you, I'm sorry."
"It's because of my mom," Santana suddenly blurted out, not wanting Rachel to walk away and give up on her. "It's because of her and it's not that big of a deal. I'm just not that into it anymore and I forgot that it was so close…it caught me off guard."
"It happened around Christmas time, didn't it?" Rachel asked softly, trying to confirm a fact that she sort of already knew.
Santana looked off to any place in her room that wasn't her girlfriend's eyes and said plainly, "Yeah, tomorrow is the anniversary."
"Christmas Eve!" Rachel exclaimed in utter surprise. She hadn't known that specific detail and figured that the date had passed before they had gotten together. After taking the other girl's hand again, she squeezed it tightly within her own. She didn't know what purpose the touch was supposed to have but she just wanted Santana to know that she was there. "Santana, why didn't you tell me!"
"I don't know," the Latina muttered, internally appreciating the fact that she wasn't alone.
"I'm sorry, I didn't know," Rachel needlessly apologized and then kissed Santana's hand, making her eyes drift shut. "I thought it had already passed. I feel like such a horrible girlfriend."
"No!" Santana fiercely disagreed. "It's not your fault that I didn't tell you, I just don't care to talk about it. You're a perfect girlfriend."
"Perfect?"
"Perfect," Santana echoed with certainty.
Rachel smiled in silent thanks, but didn't know how to respond. She simply laid her face against Santana's chest and held her hips, figuring that maybe just being together would be better than any words could be. "I wish I could make this better for you."
The taller brunette let her body slump against the vanity behind her and brought her arms up to wrap around Rachel's shoulders. "Me too," she whispered, as she rested her chin on top of silky hair. It was the most she had ever opened up about the subject and it wasn't as scary as she had always imagined it being.
"Will your dad be home tomorrow?" Rachel questioned, hoping that it wouldn't cause further upset. She had to know though, because she wasn't going to let her girlfriend and her sweet little sisters spend the day alone if the answer was no.
"Honestly," Santana sighed. "I'm not really sure, if anything tomorrow is the day that gives him more reason to be gone than any. That's probably why he's been gone even more lately – aside from the fact that I popped him in the mouth that morning – 'tis the season to drink yourself silly and forget about the world."
"You did what?" Rachel giggled, even though she knew she shouldn't have.
"I hit him…I didn't really mean to, I was just so mad and I swung and yeah, I punched him right in the mouth. He deserved it…I told him that I hated him too."
Rachel turned her face upwards to study Santana's. "You don't really mean that though, do you?"
The Latina shook her head. "No," she said, her voice weak. "I love my dad. I'm not sure why, but for some reason I love him so much."
"He's your dad, that's all the reason you need," Rachel explained softly. It got her a hesitant nod of agreement, so she decided to press just a little further. She wanted Santana to know that sometimes a person's reasons for a certain behavior weren't always as obvious as one would assume. "My mom – you know, Shelby Corcoran – basically told me that she didn't want me, but I still love her because she's my mother. She's a part of me."
"Yeah, well, she's a dumb bitch," Santana interjected in a dangerous tone, her protective nature coming out.
"San, shh…" the petite brunette urged gently and then waited for her girlfriend to look down and meet her eyes. "Just listen."
"Fine," came the grumbled response.
"Shelby probably made a mistake when she told me that," Rachel said. She paused then for no apparent reason besides to gather her thoughts and in that moment Santana realized that she wasn't the only one to be let down in life. "At least, I like to hope that she considers it a mistake," she continued slowly. Her voice quivered ever so slightly and Santana pulled Rachel harder against her chest, she was feeling an anger towards Shelby Corcoran that she never knew she possessed. "Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that everyone makes mistakes and maybe your dad is just making a lot of mistakes right now. Maybe he doesn't realize how bad he's hurting you because he's hurting just as badly."
Santana didn't reply, but she sighed heavily enough for Rachel to feel it and the gears in her head could practically be heard as she thought hard about what had been said. "Maybe you're right…"
Reaching up, Rachel placed her palm to Santana's cheek, tenderly cupping her face. "I know he's made a lot of bad decisions and that he probably could have done things a lot differently, but he misses her too. He lost the woman he loved and the mother of his three gorgeous, gorgeous daughters. He loved her and he just doesn't know what to do."
Santana's jaw trembled in Rachel's hand and she sniffled, before sobbing, "You really do have sixth sense! You're so right!"
Santana was only half way through sixth grade on the first anniversary of her mother, Cristina's, death. And while she was still young, she had struggled enough in the past year to have heard the phrase 'time heals all wounds' from various sources. But she knew that notion had to be flawed, it wasn't true at all. A year later, thinking about her mami hurt just as bad as it had when she woke up on the morning of Christmas Eve to a tearful explanation from her father and grandparents, who had come from out of town.
"Come on, San, time for bed," Andres announced quietly, standing up and taking the two sleeping toddlers in his arms with him.
The young girl got up from the couch without a sound, not bothering with any protests. Although she and her broken family had spent the day indoors just hanging out and watching movies, it had been exhausting nonetheless. Her father may have been trying to ignore the fact that at the same time the year before they had suffered a devastating blow, but Santana wasn't stupid. She knew that every time their eyes connected they were sharing the same thoughts.
"Papi?" Santana said softly as her father tucked her into bed.
"Yeah, mija?"
"Do you miss mami?"
Andres' face first registered surprise, he hadn't been prepared for that question. Next, his mouth set into a firm line and he furrowed his brows, before forcing a light smile. "Of course I do," he whispered and then leaned down to kiss Santana's forehead. "Now, go to sleep so you can wake up early and open your presents with your sisters. I love you."
That hadn't been the response Santana was hoping for, but she forced a little smile of her own. She really didn't care about Christmas or presents, or anything anymore. "'Kay, love you too."
When the light went out and the door to her room was closed, Santana tried valiantly not to cry. It never helped, especially not when the person who gave the best hugs and dried her tears was gone and was exactly the reason why she was upset. Trying not to cry eventually turned into working herself up to a stomachache, and soon she was sneaking out of bed and heading for the kitchen. In search of what, she didn't know. Maybe a glass of water, maybe a snack to take her mind off of things, but whatever it was she knew that it wasn't going to make the pain go away forever. She knew nothing could ever do that.
Santana stopped at the top of the stairs when the sound of her mother's voice gave her heart the cruelest of thrills. Along with the glow of Christmas tree lights, the dark living room was illuminated by the television playing a home video – a home video of the day her parents brought her home from the hospital as an infant. Santana knew it well, she had watched it countless times because her mother loved it. She had always said that it was a video of the best day of her life, not only because she won the bet in predicting that she would have a daughter, but because she got to watch her husband fall head over heels in love with his little girl.
Silently, Santana sat down on the landing and hung her legs through the banisters, careful not to make any sound. The video played on and she couldn't help but smile at the familiarity that she saw.
"Get that outta my face, Andres," Cristina demanded as she tried to situate a baby Santana against her breast. "We're not making that kind of a film here," she laughed, her attitude softening when the baby finally latched on and began to suckle.
"Ha, I wish," a disembodied voice said from the screen with a chuckle.
"Pórtate bien," the woman scolded, but still smiled lovingly at her husband. Her happiness was obvious, even if her hair hung lifelessly and she was still a little pale from hours of difficult labor. Then she clicked her tongue. "This is going to be a long six weeks for you, huh?"
"I'll live," Andres said. The camera was repositioned and soon his excited face came onto the screen. He leaned over to kiss his wife's temple and then he used his fingertips to gently pet the wisps of dark hair on the infant's head, before kissing her as well.
"Still want a boy?"
"No, no…" Andres whispered, mindful that his newborn daughter was close to falling asleep. "Ella esperfecta.Todo loquepodíahaber deseadoymás."
The screen went black a few moments later and Santana used the pause to wipe away the hot tears pouring down her cheeks. She might not have understood everything her parents had been talking about on the video, but she did understand that they loved each other and that they loved her. And she would never get to see that again. There were no more afternoons of her father coming home from work and dipping her mother into a kiss until she couldn't stop giggling. There were no more mornings of the three of them laughing at the twins spitting out their breakfast in their highchairs. There was just her father sitting alone in the dark living room, a half empty bottle of amber colored liquid, a tumbler full of ice, and cherished memories his only company.
Santana bit her trembling bottom lip when the video picked up again, she already knew what to expect. The footage had been taken only a couple years before – it was the day the twins were born.
"So, what do you think, San? Should we keep them?" Andres' voice teased off camera, as the screen showed the image of a ten-year-old Santana sitting in a hospital bed with her mother, who was cradling two pink bundles.
"Papi!" the little girl scolded and grinned at the camera, showing off her missing teeth and gap filled smile.
"Do you love them, San?" he asked. He zoomed the camera in closer to capture his eldest daughter offering her finger to one of the twins, as she whispered, "Yes."
"Are you going to be a good big sister?"
"Well yes!" she exclaimed, looking up and shaking her head at her father as if it was the most obvious answer in the world, which it had been and always was.
"Are you going to beat up bullies for them?"
"Andres! Don't tell her to do that!"
"I will!" the young girl laughed, making her mother roll her eyes and playfully say, "Great!"
"Well, there you have it," Andres announced to no one in particular. "These babies don't need any brothers to protect them, they'll have Santana and she will beat up the bullies!"
He laughed to himself and then Santana's gentle voice interrupted him, as she held the hands of both newborns and vowed, "I'll always take care of them…"
The video stopped at the end of the tape and Santana pressed her forehead against one of the banisters, trying not to sob at the realization that that was all that was left of her mother and in a way, her father too. The clink of glass startled her and she blinked her eyes to see her father pour another drink for himself and then down it without stopping. When only ice cubes were left he slammed the glass onto the table in front of him, making Santana jump again. He continued to squeeze the glass but bowed his head and pinched the bridge of his nose with the fingers of his other hand.
Santana wanted to rush down and wrap her arms around his neck when she began to hear his anguished cries, but she didn't know how to. She didn't know how to make her father better again. So instead, she made a promise to herself that since she couldn't be the best daughter, she would be the best big sister. She would always make sure that her baby sisters were happy.
"He loved her so much!" Santana cried, her breaths beginning to come in short gasps as she started to break down. "We loved her so much and she died! I don't know what to do anymore!"
Rachel blinked her own eyes to let the tears dribble down the sides of her nose. "Come here," she said shakily, as she guided Santana to lie down on her bed. She pulled her girlfriend close and let her sob hot tears and heartbreaking whimpers into her neck. "Shh, Santana, it's going to be alright," she whispered, not bothering to fight her own emotions. "It's going to get better, okay? I promise."
Santana was crying too hard to answer, but she clutched at the t-shirt Rachel was wearing and nodded her head. She didn't even have to hesitate. She trusted Rachel and she believed her promise, because by simply having someone to hold her and make her feel safe she felt better already.
Eventually though, Santana grew sick of crying and she suddenly sat up, wiping her eyes with her hand. Rachel followed and tucked a few strands of still damp hair behind her girlfriend's ears. "Okay?"
The Latina picked at a piece of fuzz on her comforter, but admitted, "Yeah…that actually helped a little."
Rachel smiled sympathetically, tilting her head and studying Santana. It was unfortunate that aside from a few people no one got to see these sides of her. "I'm glad."
After minutes of comfortable silence, Santana stood up and the last of her tears were gone. "Can I show you something?" she asked, and then awaited a reply.
"Of course…."
She went to a drawer in the vanity she had been standing at before and moved certain items aside until she found what she was looking for at the very bottom. She pulled out what Rachel assumed to be a photograph and something else that caught the morning sunlight and made it reflect on her face. When she reached the bed again, she handed the items over without a word.
Aware of the fact that the picture probably hadn't been revealed yet for a reason, Rachel set it down on the bed and instead looked at the diamond ring that now occupied her palm.
"My mom's wedding ring," Santana explained, but she wasn't looking at it like Rachel was. She was blankly staring at the wall. "My dad gave it to me after she died that night…well, morning I guess. The accident happened on her way to work – she was working third shift at the time, I always hated it – and then she died in the hospital in the early morning."
"I'm so sorry, Santana," Rachel whispered, still concentrating on the details of the ring that had once belonged to someone who meant so much to her girlfriend. "Did you get to see her before she…"
"No, my dad didn't want me to. She was…" Santana stopped to take a deep breath before going on. "She was kind of messed up from the accident. He didn't want me to remember her like that."
Rachel shook her head in understanding. Then, she turned over the photograph and suddenly a young Santana and the woman who she had so obviously gotten all of her features from were smiling back at her.
"Wow, San…" Rachel breathed out, afraid that her voice might fail her. She didn't know if it was the likeness that Santana and her mother shared, the fact that she herself would never experience a moment like the one pictured, or a combination of it all. But something about it overwhelmed her and she had to turn it back over. If it was too much for her, she couldn't imagine what it felt like for Santana.
"She was really beautiful," the petite brunette offered, not knowing what else to say.
Santana shrugged, nodded, and then swiftly put the picture and ring back where they had come from.
"Why don't you have it out?"
"It hurts too much to look at her," Santana said lowly, as she came back to sit on the bed. "I don't need to see her to remember her."
"So," Rachel began, wanting to change the subject. "Did your mom know you were gay?"
Santana laughed softly and it was the last thing that Rachel would have expected to hear. "Oh yeah, she knew," she said as she smiled widely, making it apparent that she was thinking back to a happy memory. "Thank God I told her when I did, it was only the summer before she died. I had known I was different for a long time and she was really understanding. I was never afraid to tell her, just confused."
After spending most of the summer afternoon in her room being punished, Santana quietly slinked out into the backyard. Her mother was lying on a lounge chair by the pool, soaking up what was left of the sun and Santana couldn't help but hope that someday she would be just as beautiful as her. Even if she liked to complain about stretch marks from having the twins, to Santana, her mother was perfect. At nearly eleven years old, the young girl felt as if she was in an awkward phase that wasn't just a phase, but a horrible limbo that she would be stuck in forever.
As she stepped up beside the lounge chair her small stature cast a shadow and the older woman lowered her sunglasses from her eyes. "Feeling better?" Cristina asked in a light voice. It was nothing like the voice she had been using earlier while she and her oldest daughter were having a heated, fast paced argument in Spanish.
"Sorry," Santana said blandly, while keeping a straight face. She was apologizing for having an attitude all day for no apparent reason, but there was still a hint of stubbornness in her tone that never went away.
"It's okay, mija," the older brunette said and then flashed a mischievous smile. "You got your temper from me, so I guess it's partly my fault too. Now, come sit." She patted the chair and moved her legs aside so Santana could lie between them, the back of her head resting on her stomach.
"You want to go swimming?"
"No…" Santana mumbled. Now she just felt miserable, but she didn't quite know why. She squinted her eyes and furrowed her brows, but it wasn't just to block out the sun. She felt angry too, and she didn't know why she felt that way either. "Mami, I feel different."
Cristina buried her fingers in her daughter's black hair and gave her head a playful shake. "Is that why you've been so crabby lately?" she teased.
Usually the gesture would make Santana laugh, but she didn't laugh this time. She just continued to glare into the sun. "I don't know."
"Then what's wrong, baby?" Cristina asked, becoming more serious. She used her fingernails to massage Santana's scalp, prompting her to give her eyes a break and let them slip shut.
"I just feel weird," Santana sighed, sounding exhausted when she shouldn't have been.
"Weird, how?"
The young girl hesitated, thinking hard about whether she wanted to speak her mind or not. She hardly knew enough about what she feeling herself, she didn't even know where to begin explaining it. "I don't want you to be mad…"
Cristina quirked a brow as she looked down at a little scowling face. When the day came that her daughter, Santana Lopez, became worried about angering her, she knew that something very weird had to be going on. Santana was a firecracker and she had no qualms about wreaking havoc – disapprovers be damned. "Well, did you do something wrong?" she quizzed, confused and trying to feel out the situation.
"No…" Santana replied uncertainly. "I don't think so." She crossed her arms over her chest and tossed her head to the side. "I'm just not sure."
"If you don't think you did anything wrong, then you know I would never be upset with you."
At that, Santana seemed to relax and she sighed again. She found her mother's hand at her shoulder and absently mindedly entwined their fingers together. "I know…I just feel different from my friends."
"And why is that?" Cristina asked, continuing her slow process of questioning. She knew patience was the key when it came to her daughter.
"I don't like boys…"
Cristina smiled to herself. That was actually a fact that she was glad to hear, the last thing she needed was for someone with Santana's personality to already be boy crazy at her age. "San, you don't have to like boys until you feel ready to."
"No! That's not why I don't like them!" Santana insisted, her frustration showing through and causing her to blurt out the rest of her thoughts. "I don't like them because I think I like girls better."
Cristina only paused for fractions of a second before saying, "Oh." But it was enough time for Santana to burst into tears and begin a dash back to the house.
"See, you're mad!" she cried, as she ran across the yard. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it! Maybe I was wrong!"
She hadn't been expecting to run a sprint that day, but Cristina broke out her old high school track skills and caught Santana around the waist before she could even reach the back patio. The young girl flailed and fought as expected, but eventually she tired herself out and Cristina guided them both to their knees in the soft grass.
"Santana Alejandra, look at me, listen to me," Cristina fiercely, yet somehow gently demanded. She took Santana's face into her hands, wiping her tears away with her thumbs. "I will never be mad at you for being who you are. If a girl makes you happy, then I'll be happy too. And if a boy makes you happy, that's alright as well."
As Santana's lips trembled and her dark brown eyes sparkled with tears in the sun, Cristina berated herself and hoped with everything she had that she had never made Santana feel that she was anything less than perfect to her. Overcome with emotion, she pulled her daughter into her arms and cradled her against her shoulder, soothingly shushing her. "I don't want you to ever feel ashamed of who you are, because nothing you could do would ever make me love you any less."
Santana nodded wordlessly and when her mother continued speaking she felt guilty because she was beginning to cry as well.
"You're mi hija, Santana, and I love you," Cristina whispered, her throat constricted. "Anything that makes you happy will always make me happy too."
"Okay," Santana said shakily. "I thought –"
"Shh, it's alright," Cristina told her.
"Okay," Santana repeated, but this time she really did believe that everything was and would be okay. All she had to worry about was the sweet sounds of summer, the smell of coconut tanning oil, and her mother's arms around her. Because as long as she had that, she would be okay. "I love you too."
Then, after a few silent moments of embracing, Cristina guided her daughter back to smile into the eyes that were so much like her own. "Thank you for telling me, San."
By the time Santana had finished telling the story Rachel was smiling as well. "She sounds like the most perfect mom imaginable," the smaller brunette said, reveling in the fact that her girlfriend seemed to be in a much better mood now.
"She was, she was so good to me," Santana said in enthusiastic agreement. Then she giggled again and reached over to place her hand on Rachel's thigh, as if she just had to share her happiness. "After I told her, she would always tease me and ask me when she would get to meet my wife. She used to say that I would have the prettiest wedding because everyone would be in dresses and not silly penguin suits – except for papi," she laughed. "I don't know if she really believed it, but she made me believe it."
"I'm nearly positive that she believed it," Rachel assured her, and then was pulled into a hug.
"I wish you could have met her."
"Me too!" Rachel's eyes widened for a second as she made the connections between what had been said, though she was sure Santana didn't mean it in that way. It was a totally different context, but she had to change the subject again before her thoughts got too farfetched. "And I was thinking, if you and the girls are going to be alone tomorrow, you should come over to my house instead. I've already told my dads about the twins and they're dying to meet them."
Santana pulled away and kissed Rachel's lips in thanks. She still couldn't get over how amazing and understanding she was, but she loved it nonetheless. "I think that would be perfect."
~S~R~S~R~S~R~S~R~
The next evening, all the tears and reminiscing from the previous day had been traded for nothing but smiles and laughter as Rachel, her fathers, the twins and a bright red Santana all sat on the living room floor playing Karaoke Revolution. Although Rachel was doing more exaggerated hand gestures and diva-esque belting than sitting, as she sang Take My Breath Away by Berlin and her overly sincere eyes never left Santana's.
Uncharacteristically, she cut her last note short to shout, "Yes! I beat my own high score!" She panted a few times with her hand and microphone to her chest, trying to catch her breath in between smiling like a maniac. "It must be because I now have a font of actual inspiration that truly relates to the lyrics! Can you guess what it is!"
Both of the Berry men were a little stunned by how smitten their daughter seemed to be with the other teenage girl in the room. But she was their daughter and at the same time that it was surprising, it was also highly typical. They were just glad that her affections were targeting a polite and seemingly shy young woman, instead of an oddly tall goon, a mohawk wearing delinquent, or an egotistical choir boy.
"Oh no, dear, we haven't the slightest idea what it might be," Hiram said, as he tried to hold back his laughter and nudged his husband. "But I have a feeling that Santana might know."
Santana felt her face heat up even more and she was sure she turned fifty shades redder as Rachel pinned her with a grin. "Not a clue…"
Leroy burst into a fit of giggles at the subtle joke. "Surely you are too modest!"
"Yeah, Santí! Don't you know Rachel likes you a lot!" Noelia asked, completely clueless as to what was actually going on. Isabel quickly put in her two sense as well, adding, "That's why she sang you the song, silly!"
"Uh, yeah…" Santana mumbled through a smile that she just couldn't contain, no matter how embarrassing being serenaded in front of her little sisters and her girlfriend's parents may have been. "I think I got it…and I like her a lot too."
Rachel shrugged coyly and nearly threw the microphone at the twins so that she could resume her earlier position of practically sitting in Santana's lap. "But did you like the song?" the petite brunette asked as she brushed Santana's bangs back and linked their arms.
The Latina's eyes shifted to the two men sitting just a few feet away, who were pretending not to notice how cozy their daughter was getting. "I did, I liked it a lot. Thank you." While she loved having Rachel close to her, it was highly unnerving to have her parents so close as well.
"I'm so glad!" Rachel chirped, and then – to Santana's horror – she dove in and kissed her squarely on the lips.
"What are you doing!" Santana hissed as she pushed herself away, her tone one of mortification. "Your dads are like…right there!" The din of the twins singing a Britney Spears songs and being cheered on by Leroy and Hiram seemed to distract from the kiss, but that didn't mean that Santana was comfortable with it.
"And what?" Rachel quizzed, eyeing her girlfriend for her strange behavior. "That suddenly means that we can't even touch each other? It's just a kiss."
"It's weird!" Santana dipped her head closer to Rachel's, though she was still watching the rest of the group out of the corner of her eye. "Parents aren't supposed to like…see that sort of stuff, you know?"
Rachel bent herself further and completed the movement; touching their foreheads together and making the Latina get those butterflies in her stomach that made her incapable of resisting. "It's okay, San. Really, it's just a simple kiss and my dads aren't here to judge us."
It wasn't the reason why Santana was freaked out, but once she slowed down enough to think about it she figured that she was just so used to being someone's secret that she felt like affection was something to be hidden. And she didn't want that, she wanted people to know how she felt about Rachel.
"I guess you're right," Santana whispered, although she was still glad that their loose hair was mingled together and somewhat curtaining their faces. Noelia and Isabel hit a sour note and she winced. "They kind of suck," she confessed in the small bubble of privacy they had created.
"We could teach them," said Rachel, with a smile that was meant only for the two of them. "But for now, why don't we show them how it's done and give my dads that duet they've been hoping for?"
"What should we sing?"
"Anything you want, you lead and I'll follow."
Santana nodded her agreement, but on the inside she was thinking of how completely backwards that logic was to her. So far, the girl that she had once been so sure she hated was continually leading her into things she had once been afraid of and she was following without pause.
After prying the microphones away from Noelia and Isabel, Santana scanned through song selections for a few minutes and then finally settled on one – Evanescence's My Immortal. As Rachel watched her click on the highlighted song she cast a questioning look, one that asked silently, "Are you sure?"
It seemed she was sure though, and soon it was too late to back down as the first bars of the song began to play from the speakers. Rachel let Santana lead as she said she would and while she wanted to smile listening to her girlfriend's flawless voice, she could do nothing but clutch her fake microphone and stare. She didn't want to hear her sing something that was so painfully true to life, but it seemed that Santana was intent on trying to rip her heart out anyway.
"…these wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real. There's just too much that time cannot erase…"
Rachel nearly missed her own cue, but Santana's eyes finding hers spurred her on. They sang the chorus together and when it faded out to a single voice again Hiram and Leroy had been shocked into silence. The twins had been captivated as well, but not for exactly the same reasons.
"…you used to captivate me by your resonating light. Now I'm bound by the life you left behind. Your face it haunts, my once pleasant dreams. Your voice it chased away, all the sanity in me…"
As Santana rounded out a repeat of the chorus, she closed her eyes and continued to sing her lines. She was cursing herself for picking such a song, but at the same time she knew that it was the ideal choice for her and Rachel's voices. She took a deep breath, preparing to move into the bridge, when Rachel took her hand and sang the words with her. And they sounded perfect together, the polished purity of Rachel's voice mixing with the experience and pain of Santana's.
"…I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone. But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along…"
The Latina finished and took a ragged breath, lowering her head. "You sounded amazing, Rach," she said. It was meant to be a distraction, but it didn't work. She set her mic down and ran her hands through her hair, before getting up and heading for the refuge of Rachel's room. "Excuse me a sec'…"
"Is she okay?" Leroy asked his daughter, while he looked down the dark hallway that Santana had just disappeared into.
"She isn't right now, but I think she will be," Rachel replied and moved to follow. "Could you just keep an eye on the twins for me, please? I'm going to go talk with her."
The two men complied and quickly urged Isabel and Noelia to sing another song, and Rachel walked away to the beginning notes of the same Britney Spears tune that the young girls had sung before. It brought a hint of a smile to her face. At least they were enjoying their night, her fathers could figure out their own means to getting the factory fabricated pop songs out of their heads.
"Santana?"
"Sorry, that was the wrong song to choose…"
Rachel wasn't expecting Santana to be sitting against her bedroom door, cloaked in darkness and it made her start. "You almost gave me a heart attack!" she gasped, and then sat down, making the Latina giggle when she fumbled without any light.
"Well, you're laughing…that's always a good sign," Rachel observed, wrapping her arm around the front of Santana's waist and nuzzling her face into her neck.
"Yeah, I'm okay…it's just the day and everything. It just makes me think of her, you know? I miss her."
"Of course, you're allowed." Rachel told her and then moved her head up to place kisses along the underside of her jaw. "How about we actually go into my room? I have something for you…"
"I thought we weren't going to buy each other gifts?"
"Too bad…"
Santana let her head fall to the side and even though the other girl couldn't see it, her lips turned up at the corners as she thought about what was hidden in her blazer pocket. She had went against the agreement and bought Rachel something as well.
Once inside, Santana was directed to sit on the bed and close her eyes. She did as she was told, with the exception of peeking out of one eye as Rachel bent over into her closet. She wasn't wearing a bikini but that didn't mean that Santana couldn't appreciate the goods in a nice tight pair of jeans.
Jesus, her ass is fine! I think it's about time we have a proper make out sesh, I needs ta get a feel of that! Without realizing it, Santana soon had both eyes open and a smirk on her face, but when her girlfriend turned back around she was quick to slap her hands over her eyes.
"Okay, open!" Rachel said cheerfully, unaware that the taller brunette's eyes had hardly been closed at all.
Santana opened her eyes to find Rachel standing directly in front of her, clutching a slim white envelope and another item that seemed to depict some sort of desert scenery. "This first," Rachel advised, handing over the envelope and then placing the other behind her back.
"Oh, hells yes," Santana exclaimed as she pulled out the gift certificates to BreadstiX that had been housed inside the envelope.
Rachel rolled her eyes and sighed, it didn't seem that she would ever break the Latina of her purposely horrendous grammar. "I know how much you adore BreadstiX, so I figured what better gift for you. Plus, I'm hoping that I'll be your choice of company when you redeem them."
"Duh!" Santana laughed, pulling Rachel to stand between her legs and hugging her close. "And thank you, I can't wait 'til we's be goin' to BreadstiX."
"You're impossible," Rachel said, shaking her head disapprovingly but still combing her fingertips through Santana's hair. "Now, take your other gift! It's the best one!"
When a small booklet was hurriedly placed into her hands, Santana was suddenly reminded of the stupid kitten calendar that she had once seen in Finn Hudson's locker. Just as she had thought earlier, the cover was a desert scene and in that scene were a pair of lizards – the faces replaced with photo-shopped versions of her and Rachel's own faces. And as psychotic as she had found the creation in Finn's locker to be, she found herself smiling over this one as she read the initials 'S & R' in the upper left corner.
"It's our relationship calendar!" Rachel announced proudly, reaching out to pat her girlfriend's shoulder excitedly. "As you may know, Finn and I had kittens for our calendar when we were together. But I've taken notice to your apparent affinity for lizards, so I took the liberty of making us into the reptiles that you so favor. It has the anniversary of our first date, which is also of course the anniversary of us officially being together. And then we can add any other momentous events that we want…" The petite brunette paused and looked shyly away from Santana's unwavering smile. "Because I'm hoping there will be many more to come."
Santana couldn't hold back her widening grin as she slid her hands up and down the other girl's hips. "You, Rachel Berry, are a certified goofball."
Immediately, Rachel crossed her arms over her chest and began to pout, thinking that her gift was disliked. "I resent that!" she huffed.
"I don't…" Santana said softly, and then pulled Rachel's arms loose and placed them over her shoulders. "I love it about you and I love this silly calendar, because you know what?"
"What?"
"Because when you really think about it…we're all freakin' losers! We all have these weird things that make us lame in some way. I'm always talking about lizards and stix and weaves, and I'm pretty much just grade-A crazy!"
Rachel was over her pouting and looking down at her girlfriend, listening intently as she ranted on in an oddly passionate way.
"That's why when we go back to school, I don't care who knows we're together. Actually, I want everyone to know we're together because if there's anything I learned from my mom dying, it's that you never know when it's going to be over. She was here and then she was gone. And I don't care what any of those idiots at school think about me or you, or us being together. You've made me happier than all of those nobodies combined and I want them to know about it! I want them to know that – you – this awesomely talented, gorgeous little diva is my girlfriend!"
Santana figured she must have done something right, because in the next instant she was lying on her back with her legs hanging off the side of the bed, with Rachel pressed to the length of her body as they kissed heatedly.
"Santana, I completely agree." Their mouths made a smacking noise when Rachel pulled away to speak and as soon as she finished she attacked again. She coaxed Santana's lips apart and then nipped the tip of her tongue between her teeth.
Whether Rachel's fervor and newfound aggressiveness was supposed to be intentionally arousing or not, it was a total turn-on for Santana. Hot damn, she must've been reading my mind! I wonder if she'll let me grab her ass…ah, what the hell, I'm going for it!
Ever so slowly, the Latina strategically placed her hands at the backs of Rachel's knees. The little brunette's hands were too busy gripping her jaw to able to remove the ones moving up her thighs anyway. Inch by inch she moved her hand until finally she reached her destination and gave an experimental squeeze.
"Mmm…"
Rachel bucked her hips and the sound she made against Santana's lips was somewhere between a sigh and a moan. "Oh my God," Santana silently mouthed over Rachel's shoulder, as she savored the lips on her neck and the placement of her hands. She was pretty sure she was seeing stars and it had nothing to do with the gold ones plastered to the ceiling.
For Rachel, her girlfriend's incensed confession was the confirmation she had been hoping for since their relationship began. It had been nerve wracking to wonder if Santana would fall into old habits once their break from school was over and she didn't think she would be able to handle their relationship in secret, especially not if Santana was going to keep bullying her in the process of keeping up a guise. That's why she had been just a tad enthusiastic in showing her approval.
She continued working at Santana's neck, pushing back her blazer and trailing open mouthed kisses down to her shoulder where she then gave her bra strap a light snap. The Latina made a noise in the back of her throat as she breathed heavily, eyes closed and tongue darting out to lick her top lip.
Oh…my…guhhh, that tongue! No wonder she likes lizards, she is one, Rachel thought to herself, smiling devilishly as she watched Santana's long, pointed pink tongue trace her mouth. I wonder what it would feel like running all over me.
"Rachel…Rach," Santana panted, trying to stop her girlfriend and her body from reacting any further. "We have to stop…everyone is downstairs…"
"I know, I know we do," Rachel whispered in between kisses. "This just feels super, super good."
"So good that you ran out of vocabulary words to describe it," Santana said. She had meant for it to come out as a laugh, but it more closely resembled a breathy moan. Sitting up, she pulled Rachel into her lap and then rolled her onto her back. "Now, stop kissing me or we'll never leave this room."
"Get off me or I'll never stop kissing you."
"Easier said than done…"
"You can do anything you put your mind to, San," Rachel giggled into another kiss, while clutching Santana's collar and preventing her from pulling away.
The Latina groaned and reluctantly unclenched the other girl's fingers, before flopping onto her back beside her. "Someday, we're going to lock ourselves in a room and get our mack on for reals."
"Is that a promise?" Rachel teased.
"You know it, babe," Santana told her and then rolled onto her stomach, propping her head up in her hands. "But for now, it's time for your Christmas gift or Hanukkah gift or whatever you want it to be."
Rachel grinned and moved onto her stomach as well, kicking her legs like a kid when Santana produced a grey box with a black ribbon and sat it on the bed in front of her. She delicately undid the ribbon and lifted the lid to reveal a silver charm bracelet with a single 'R' charm attached.
"Santana…" Rachel breathed out, not even sure of what to say. She was struck but the obvious amount of money that had to have been spent on the piece.
"It matches mine," Santana explained as she removed the bracelet from its velvet resting place and unclasped it. "May I?" she asked, holding the two ends.
Rachel felt like her heart was melting as she offered her wrist. In addition to being a closet romantic and giving her a gorgeous bracelet, Santana really did have proper grammar when she wanted to. The metal was cool against her skin, but what really got to her was Santana brushing her nose and lips against her inner wrist as she laid kisses there.
After the last peck, Santana touched the charm so it hung down correctly. "I wanted you to have something that connected us and I wasn't about to brand you with a necklace that read my full name like Finnocence did."
Finn was the furthest thing from Rachel's mind as she cupped Santana's face and kissed her, but she could definitely appreciate the sentiment. "Thank you so much, Santana," she whispered, looking down to admire her new wardrobe fixture. "I love it, truly I do."
"Yay," Santana said and lightly clapped her hands together.
If it had been anyone else Rachel would have mistaken the gesture for sarcasm, but it made her smile and took her back to the moment when Santana had told her that she liked her newly adopted Britney Spears inspired style. Looking back, Rachel realized that the outfit was atrocious, but the compliment from her classmate had been sweet in its own strange way. And it may have laid the framework for the crush she eventually had on Santana.
Santana rolled up her sleeve and showed off her own bracelet. "Now, we match."
"True…" Rachel said as her fingers trailed over the more worn looking chain and 'S' charm. "But don't you think we should have each other's initial?"
"I guess that would make sense," Santana said with a shrug. She examined her bracelet for a moment, thinking about everything the simple piece of jewelry meant to her before slipping it off. "Here, switch me."
They exchanged and for some reason wearing Santana's bracelet, which unlike the other had been warmed by her skin, gave Rachel an even greater rush. "When did you get yours?" Rachel asked. "You've been wearing it for as long as I can remember."
"My mom gave it to me when I was little…"
"Oh! Well, why didn't you say so, I don't have to wear it," Rachel said and then began to remove it.
"No, keep it." Santana placed her hand over Rachel's wrist and kissed her cheek. "I trust you, I want you to wear it."
Rachel mirrored her girlfriend and kissed her cheek as well. "Now, we'll always have each other…you'll have me and I'll have you."
"Always," Santana whispered.
~S~R~S~R~S~R~S~R~
Hours later, Santana and Rachel were standing in the foyer alongside Hiram and Leroy, who had a twin sleeping on each of his broad shoulders.
"I guess we have to go…"
Rachel hugged herself to her girlfriend's body, wishing that she could stay. "I guess so…" she said glumly and then gave her fathers a pointed look, while clearing her throat.
After catching the hint, Hiram announced, "We'll go get the twins settled into the car."
Santana flashed them an appreciative smile and called, "Thanks!" as they exited the house. Spending time with the Berries had been good for all three of the Lopez girls. It had allowed Santana to de-stress and ease the loneliness she knew she would have felt if they had been at home, while someone else entertained her little sisters.
"I had a great time today," Santana admitted once the door had closed. "How do you always seem to know exactly what I need?'
"Great intuition," Rachel smiled, and tipped her head back for a kiss.
"Well, whatever it is, I like it."
"Well…that's good, because now I'm about to do something you probably won't like…"
Santana narrowed her eyes skeptically. "Spill…"
"I want you to talk to your dad tomorrow," Rachel told her as gently and as nicely as possible. "I know you probably don't want to, but just try to remember what I told you. He misses her too and deep down he would probably really love being with you."
There was really no other choice but to comply. Rachel was too hard to resist and Santana knew that it was something she should be pushing herself to do anyway. "I'm not making any promises…but I'll try," she grumbled, her face turning hard.
"That's all you have to do," Rachel said, before taking her girlfriend's face and rubbing their noses together, making her smile.
Santana was going to say something sarcastic but she didn't have the chance when she was being pulled down for a kiss. She figured the ability to diffuse her temper was another of Rachel's supposed supernatural abilities. But she had to wonder how well it was going to work when they got back to school. They couldn't just start making out every time her inner bitch was threatening to come out, because considering her attitude at school that would just cause a ridiculous amount of kissing. Not that she would complain.
"'Kay, I'm out…" Santana whispered, finally separating herself. "Talk to you tomorrow?"
"Definitely," Rachel assured, as she still held both of the Latina's hands, not letting her stray just yet. "And, San? Please have a good time tomorrow. Be happy, okay, baby?"
Santana couldn't fight the urge to give Rachel one last kiss. "I will…" I will because I have you now.
~S~R~S~R~S~R~S~R~
At the Lopez house, the aftermath of Christmas morning consisted of the twins jabbering about and playing with all of the countless toys and treasures they had amassed, while Andres watched from the comfort of their leather couch. He was overlooking the scene before him, but as Santana studied him from across the room she could tell that he was looking but not really seeing.
She sat on the floor with her back against an equally buttery smooth, leather armchair. Her gifts, which consisted mostly of clothing, small boxes, and plastic gift cards, made a not so impressive pile, but that had no bearing on the value. The glittering pieces inside the small boxes and the high numbers penned onto the back of the gift cards determined that. It had no real effect on Santana though. Sure, she was now sitting on at least a few thousand dollars worth of new clothes and jewelry, but when wasn't she? What she was really concentrating on was Rachel's voice in her head, urging her to talk to her father.
He's right there, just talk. Santana told herself, but things were easier said inside her head than actually said out loud. Rachel would never know if I didn't…but she would be disappointed if she found out I didn't, she's just trying to help.
After convincing herself that she shouldn't be afraid to talk to her own father and that there wasn't any reason to be, Santana pushed herself up off the floor and went to sit beside him. She took his hand within her own and refused to release her gentle hold, not even when she felt him tense in surprise and a surge of nervousness hit her.
"Hi, papi…" she said evenly, looking down at the carpeting. It bothered her that she could walk through school hallways and stare complete strangers into submission, but she couldn't bring herself to look her father in the eyes.
"Hey, baby," Andres answered and then brought both of his hands together to hold Santana's in between. That and his deep familiar voice sounding so comforting and atypically content had her closing her eyes in relief and laying her head on his shoulder. It was something they had done countless times in years past, but none that they could remember recently.
"I'm sorry for what I did the other day…" Santana whispered, while hoping that she wouldn't ruin the rare moment by bringing up a negative one.
Sighing, Andres placed his arm around his daughter and leaned their heads together. "Don't apologize, you did nothing wrong…you've never done anything wrong." Then, he kissed her forehead.
When he lingered, Santana felt nostalgia well up inside her. "Ugh, papi! Your mustache!" she giggled, as she wrinkled her nose and tried to dodge the bristly touch. It was something she had always done as a child and from one small interaction, she suddenly realized just how badly she missed having her father in her life.
Andres laughed along with her and took the playfully whiny exclamation as an invitation to kiss her forehead again, this time placing both of his arms around her so she couldn't escape. "You've hated this mustache since you were little! Your mami hated it too, that's why I kept it!" he said spitefully, still smiling even when Santana's hair slapped him in the face as she squealed a laugh and tried to get away.
"You would!" Santana laughed, bumping her head into his shoulder, showing both her teasing disapproval and affection. When she looked up into his face she turned away and grinned. If she would have known that seeing her father so happy was so simple she would have done it a long time ago. But then again, sometimes things weren't so simple and sometimes there wasn't always a wonderful girlfriend in the background to give advice.
Taking his daughter's chin in his hand, Andres guided her face up to look at him again. "I love you, mija," he whispered.
Santana felt her throat start to ache. She could have never predicted that by the end of Christmas break she would have Rachel, her father, and a new faith in herself. But no matter who or what was responsible for it, she was going to take everything she had gained and keep using it to find the happiness that had been so elusive to her before.
"I love you too, papi."
So, there you have it! In the next chapter they're going back to school and that's going to get...interesting! No worries though, the girls will stick together! Also, this isn't a quick fix for San's relationship with her dad, there's going to be more work going into that as the story progresses.
Btw, I don't know how you all feel about having songs written into chapters, but I don't really care for it. So I'm hoping that scene worked out, for as much as I hated writing it, haha!
