Caution: these contain spoilers for the second HTTYD film. There's also a fair bit of pony, because that's where Smaug got his character development.
Note: There are a fair few non-HTTYD loops in this set. This fic will now contain some loops from other dragon-centric settings at times. (Not Spyro, though, that's got its own set.)
12.1
"If by my life or death, I can protect you, I will," Aragorn declared. "You have my sword."
"And you have my bow," Legolas said, standing up quickly.
"And my axe!" Gimli weighed in, hefting it.
"And my case of lethal halitosis."
Everyone looked up at the dragon casting a long shadow over the meeting.
"Why are you even here?" Elrond asked, not for the first time.
"I like the boy's uncle, that's why." Smaug huffed. "Do you have any idea how hard it is to find someone willing to debate literature inside a mountain?"
He rumbled, not particularly harshly. "Besides, Eriador is too cold for me. I call dibs on Mount Doom. I've been looking for a holiday home..."
12.2
"Well, that was easy," Lawrence remarked. "It is a relief not to have to go all the way to Africa."
"Indeed," Temeraire agreed. "I must say, science books are being extremely helpful."
12.3
"Ow."
Astrid flopped onto her back, ignoring the chaos of the loop-start dragon raid. "Seriously, ow."
Astrid? Stormfly asked. Are you alright?
I'm fine, Stormfly, just a little startled. Astrid winced. Seriously, though, that was unexpectedly painful.
I'm sorry... Stormfly replied, her mental tone contrite. I literally didn't see it coming.
Me neither. Astrid took herself firmly in hand, and stood up - picking up her bucket to go put fires out around Berk. I hate sector whiteout.
As a joke, Astrid had once commented that it was more likely for Stormfly to hit a mountain at full speed on a clear day than for her to choke on a fishbone. It now appeared that that was literally true.
At least it had been quick - if embarrassing. The clear air and white snow had combined to mean that they hadn't seen the mountain. It had basically snuck up on them.
"Never forgetting my polarized goggles again..."
12.4
"Farren?" Hal asked, sitting with a slump in the fliers' mess.
Farren Mariah, his trusted (and decidedly eccentric) second in command, blinked. "What is it, leader-o?"
"What's the bloody point of it all?"
"Ah." Farren poured some beer from the keg. "That, oh glorious Dragonmaster, I ain't got a clue about."
He sat. "Well, ah be flyin' dragons because it's the only thing I seems to be good at, and because it's that or the infantry, and Old Man Mariah didn't raise no suicides."
"I was light cavalry," Hal mused.
"Oh?" Farren blinked. "When was that? Seem to recall you were called th' dragonmaster before th' war, as well. Bareback flyin' with that beastie Storm, an' all?"
Hal blinked. "Pardon?" Then he nodded. "Oh, er... sorry about that. It's complicated."
Farren accepted that without complaint.
"Well..." Hal sighed. "Sometimes, I wonder if it wouldn't be better to just... up and leave. Fly to the far western continent, leave man and man's wars behind, and... let whoever wins, win."
"If'n you're goin', I'm coming with y'," Farren said promptly.
"Thanks, Farren." Hal glanced out the window, spotting another dragon coming in to land – a big black, probably one of the new Sagene fliers posted to the squadron. "But... hells, then I remember the last time I went over the lines. Whole valleys, torn beyond recognition. And I wonder... would it ever end?"
Farren shrugged uncomfortably. "Ain't my place to be speculatin'," he said. "But... well, I'm wonderin' how it'll go when I finally get home. Go back to me ma. I'll kick down the door, dive into the kitchen, take cover behind the counter and look out for any snipers, drop the first hostile through th' door with me crossbow, and shout 'Ma! I'm home!'"
Hal chuckled dutifully.
"Yeah, I can't imagine fitting in either. My family were miners, and-"
He paused, then stood. "Well, bugger."
Without another word, he strode out the door.
Farren wondered about what had just happened, then picked up the beer with a shrug – just as someone burst in. "Roche raiders! Everyone in the air!"
"Y' what?"
How the dung had Hal known?
"Left!" Hal called, and Storm dutifully folded in one wing halfway. The big green slipped sideways, and a black dragon's horns jabbed at where his breast had been.
Hal pulled a gun from his webbing and shot the rider in the face.
"And frak you very much, too!" he shouted, firing twice more at the dragon. Stung, the beast flinched, and accidentally dove below treetop height to his death.
Storm clawed for height, snapping at a Roche red which tried to cut across him.
Hal shook his head, most of his attention on the muzzle of his gun as he tried for a deflection shot.
Sometimes it's not even worth getting philosophical, he thought distantly.
BLAM.
"Damn!" he said as the shot went wide. "Okay, you're next. Storm – zero-deflection!"
His faithful green dragon growled, wings slamming, and accelerated up behind and below the Roche dragon. Hal judged the timing, and snapped off a zero-incidence shot which caught the red at the base of one wing.
Dumping his spent brass, Hal snapped two speedloaders into the revolver and looked around for another target.
He'd been trying, he really had. It was just hard to try and respect all life when a lot of it seemed to be trying to kill him specifically.
12.5
"Pilot Ikari," Rei began. "What has altered to create this variant loop?"
Shinji shrugged. "Like I know. Shouldn't you be able to tell using your weird half-Angel AT field powers or something?"
"Pilot Ikari, referring to my abilities as 'weird half-Angel AT field powers' is racist." Rei paused, then went on. "Tabris is significantly better than I am at determining the source of an anomaly. All I am able to determine is that this is a variant."
"Yeah, and we could both tell that," Shinji agreed. "No Sachiel."
"The flamethrowers larger than many small office blocks that have been installed on unit 00 may be a useful indicator, though," Rei added.
"Wait, what?" Shinji sat up. "Okay, now that sounds cool. Unless we're fighting Titans, then it's just going to smell bad."
"So, what did you do then?" F'nor asked. "You know, when you found you were fighting Thread?"
The brownrider relaxed back on his chair. They were off-shift on the Enterprise at the moment, and – with the crew seemingly half Looper – were taking the opportunity to catch up with fellow loopers in Ten-forward.
"Well..." Shinji winced. "Six words. Rei set the stratosphere on fire."
"...huh." F'nor took a sip of his drink. "So, how did that go?"
"Surprisingly well," Shinji replied with a shrug. "Sure, the smoke choked the sunlight out of the air, but all the firelight replaced it pretty well – the net result was just a bit dingy."
"I think I know a guy who'd find that pretty homely, actually." F'nor glanced around. "Not sure if he's here... interesting guy. Has an antimagic weapon and a minidragon, and he's quite a gourmet."
"Sounds worth a chat," Shinji agreed. "You should have seen Gendo's face, though, when he realized what Rei had done."
"Annoyed?" F'nor asked.
"Nah, that was one of the times Dad wasn't a complete bastard," Shinji continued. "No prospect of getting Mom back, so he just dove into his work. I've actually got a picture of it, because it's one of the few times I've seen him hug Rei."
F'nor blinked. "Can I see?"
"Sure." Shinji rummaged for a few seconds, and produced a large printout of a photograph. "Rei was as startled as I was – look at her expression!"
"She has one?" F'nor hazarded.
"Exactly," Shinji confirmed.
12.6
"I've wanted to do this for a while," Jaxom explained. "It'll be fun. Seriously."
Just make sure you get it all worked out, Ruth replied tartly.
"Did them already." Jaxom passed around some paper handouts, which the various other loopers took.
"Hm." F'lar looked them over. "Okay, Jaxom. If no-one has any complaints, we'll give it a go."
Dragons of the Pernese type are telepaths.
They are also teleporters.
And, as a third prong to their abilities, they are telekinetics. Some of them are quite powerful telekinetics.
Ramoth, Mnementh, Canth, Ruth, Path, Golanth and Wirenth, all working together, were between them sufficiently powerful to slow a very large incoming comet down to come to a stop relative to Pern, and then make it go flying back out into space or otherwise not hit the planet below.
Jaxom, on the other hand, was sufficiently eccentric to come up with the idea of making it stop in the atmosphere – at only a few kilometres up.
And making it do that over Ruatha hold.
And, finally, to make it reach perigee at the exact moment he swung a baseball bat.
"That's one for the photo album, I think," Jaxom said some minutes later, admiring the result. "Think I should have been wearing sunglasses?"
Sharra shook her head, grinning. "You are nuts sometimes."
"And you love me for it," Jaxom replied easily.
12.7 (from MLP Loops)
"I am Smaug the Red!" The huge dragon leaned down close to Spike's nose. "I am without equal! My armour is as battle steel, my teeth are swords without peer, my claws like manifold diamonds, my wings bear terror aloft with the force of a tornado, the shock of my tail cuts all defence, and my breath the ruin of nations! I have burned Napoleon's Europe and slain five hundred dragons in the doing. I alone spread fire and destruction across Deraine, Sagene and Roche, with neither the puling Anchor Kailas nor his pet Storm able to stop me. Neverwinter was but windblown ash by the time I left it. I have incinerated Corellia in a day and a night, defeated the mightiest battleship of the Imperium of Man, and destroyed the Volturi and all their kin!"
"And yet," Smaug's enormous head snaked still closer to Spike, sniffing him once before drawing back in disgust, "here you are. A whelp, a hatchling, nursed with the milk of lesser beings and their ideals! Who are you, to dare to call yourself a dragon? Who are you, to think you have the right to challenge me for my hoard? To deny me the right to be what all dragons should be?"
Spike looked back up, taking a single quick breath, and then exhaled deeply and evenly. "I am Spykoranuvellitar, known as Spike. I do not challenge for your hoard, because I have no need for it."
"Blatant lies," Smaug declared, rumbling. "All dragons need a hoard."
"Storm, that you mention, has no hoard beyond the love of his rider." The larger dragon snorted his contempt, but Spike continued. "Toothless, who you may have met, is a partner with his rider. Temeraire, who you must have met, sees his hoard of gold and gems as important – but mainly for where it comes from, and specifically for who it comes from."
Smaug frowned. "Pretty words, youngling. But why do you not need my hoard?"
"I have a better." Spike straightened his shoulders. "For me, no gold nor gems compares with my friends. They, and their love, are my hoard in truth."
"Truly foolish." Smaug blew a jet of fire into the cavern, which licked around a stalactite and made it glow cherry-red. "Love of lesser beings... no gold... how can you even claim to be a dragon?"
"Dragons aren't mindless beasts," Spike said, and didn't react when Smaug roared laughter. "We're intelligent, just like humans or ponies or dwarves. We can choose to follow our instincts or not."
"But why should we not?" Smaug pressed. "Dragons are the greatest creatures in existence! I do what I will, and none can gainsay me!"
"Then you're not a good person." Spike shrugged. "Being a dragon doesn't mean you're immune to morality. It means you're powerful – that's all."
Smaug's teeth clashed together no more than a foot from Spike's muzzle. "I am powerful!" he roared, shaking the cavern. "You are a mere wyrmling who consoles himself with the affection of nothings, who has no hoard worthy of the name, who comes before me alone and presumes to lecture me on what a dragon is!"
"I do presume." Spike nodded. "I presume because, for all your might and majesty, you're really kind of sad."
Smaug blinked, actually unable to believe someone would dismiss him that thoroughly.
Spike pushed on into the pause. "Your wealth is measured in gold, in gems, in treasure and in vanquished foes. But I can ask my friends for help, no matter the time or the place, and get an answer. I have a wife, who I love and who loves me. I have others, and that's one thing you don't have. You're alone, atop your hoard, in a splendid isolation... and yet, more than anything else you want someone to share it with. To tell them how wonderful you are, because it always rings hollow when you tell yourself."
With a tiny flash of blue light, a ring appeared on Spike's finger. It was made of a bluish metal, surmounted by a diamond, with a tiny fragment of shining red within it. "This is my most valuable possession. Not because of what it is, but what it signifies."
"That is the thing you have which holds most value?" Smaug repeated, softly. "Then I desire it."
Spike looked up, frowning. "Why? I mean, it's my wedding ring... That's why it matters to me."
"Because you have it, and I do not." Smaug spread his wings. "I demand it, because it is the right of the strong to take what they wish from the weak. If you do not wish to cede it, then show me what real strength your wife may grant you!"
Smaug inhaled massively, causing the gems in his hoard to clink and rattle with the wind he produced. His neck reared back, and he breathed out a massive gout of red flame directly upwards – shot through with orange, and yellow, and cones of bright blue.
The entire mountain exploded.
Twilight jumped as the sound of a mighty explosion reached her, and rushed to the window.
All over Ponyville, heads were poking out of windows and ponies out on their afternoon shopping runs turned towards the Everfree Forest.
Twilight followed their gaze, and gaped. That pyrocumulus cloud must be half a mile high!
Why is there a volcanic eruption going on in the Everfree?
A colossal red shape exploded out of the cloud, extending vast wings, and performed a sharp hairpin turn before launching a lance of white-hot fire directly downwards.
Twilight blanched. Spike had gone off in that direction for 'a chat' with the dragon of the Everfree... but that certainly was not the dragon of the Everfree. What was going on?
A holodisc clattered to the table behind her.
Snatching it up with her magic without taking her eyes from the wyrm, Twilight triggered it.
The sound of an explosion came through, followed by a cough. "Spike here, Twilight. Everything's under control-"
A loud slam came next. Looking at the hologram, Twilight saw that Spike had just barely avoided a rock the size of a house from landing on him.
"Well, sorta... that's Smaug. Don't worry, I'll handle him – just make sure we don't wreck everything nearby in the process."
The message ended.
Twilight felt frantically for her element-sense... still two Loyalty elements active. Since one was the (unawake) Dash, that meant the other had to be Spike.
Still, what the buck was going on?
She began composing her own messages. One each to Shining Armor, Celestia, and Luna, asking for their help in keeping the devastation localized.
With a hissing roar, the lance of plasmated air focused in from ten feet across to a single inch, and Spike's blue lightsaber drank it up without much more than a flicker.
Spike mentally shuffled through his Pocket contents, trying to find what it was he'd need. One set of Rarity-quality robes – as flammable as a granite tor, thanks to the fact they were made out of woven diamond and sapphire – and the shield that Shining had made him once. It might not be a particularly 'jedi' thing to have, but it was at least large enough to hide behind in a pinch.
"Do I see a knight in shining armour?" Smaug laughed, then continued in a tone of heavy sarcasm. "Truly a true dragon, to wield weapons to fight rather than rely on tooth and claw and flame!"
Spike squinted upwards, trying to see through the smoke, and reached for the Force. It was there in a moment, a strong cable of blue and white light, and he drew on it gladly.
The shield snapped up almost of its own accord, driven by a flash of precognitive insight, and a blast of wider, less focused fire splashed off it like rain.
"An impressive trick, hatchling!" Smaug said, chuckling. "But inadequate."
The Force warned Spike of danger, and he leapt clear-
Smaug unleashed the full force of his fire.
The ground where Spike had been standing simply melted. Everything within ten yards of the impact area became a puddle of lava, and the force of the blast cracked the rock around it in a crazy pattern of broken and crumbling pieces.
Spike landed badly, blown off his impact point by the sheer impact of the concussion, and sprawled before rolling upright.
"Twilight!" Shining called, galloping into the library. "What's going on?"
"Spike's in a fight in the Everfree," Twilight summarized. "I need-"
The Royal Sisters materialized in the kitchen. After a sneeze as Luna's wings hit Celestia's nose, they were sufficiently untangled to move into the main room.
"Right." Twilight started again. "I need you three to help me throw up a shield around the Everfree. Spike can handle himself, I'm fairly sure, and the best way we can help him is to make sure he doesn't have to worry about us."
"What caused this?" Celestia asked, already channelling magic to supply Twilight with.
"Spike went off to... I think he said to try and recruit the Dragon of the Everfree for some support group, or something. But-" Twilight winced as the ground shook. "It turned out to be Smaug from Arda, instead. And he's Looping."
Luna's expression hardened. "Right. We shall aid gallant Spike in defeating this-"
"No," Twilight shook her head, building the shield spell. Her brother pitched in, layering his own spellforms on top of hers. "Spike said he could handle it. I'm willing to let him have a try."
Celestia looked at her for a moment, then nodded. "Indeed. He isn't a child any more."
"He hasn't been one for a long time," Twilight agreed. "Right, that should hold. I'm going to start evacuating the wildlife."
Right, I'm fighting Smaug. The Dragon Dread. The Chiefest and Greatest of Calamities.
Spike raised his shield, blocking a blow from Smaug's tail. The knife-bladed appendage glanced off and scored a long furrow in the bedrock, and Smaug laughed.
Smaug the Impenetrable. Well, there's one that didn't turn out to be true...
He jumped again, drawing on the Force, and shot across from one side of the cleared area to the other. Slipping his shield back into his pocket, he drew a yew longbow and nocked an arrow.
A moment's concentration, and he let it fly.
The arrow flew straight and true, striking Smaug's scales right over his heart, and glanced off. Smaug grinned, baring his teeth, and hovered above the smaller dragon tauntingly. "You think me a fool, to fall for the same trick more than once?"
"It's worth a try." Spike shrugged. "Besides, I like archery."
He drew back a second arrow and released it.
Smaug spat flame at it, and it erupted in a blast of unbound magic. "I am not blind, hatchling!"
Between one word and the next, Smaug released his Dragonfear.
Spike felt a wave of atavistic terror stab through him. Intellectually, he knew what it was – clearly Smaug had picked up a few supernatural tricks from his time in Faerun – but Dragonfear didn't answer to rationality.
"Look at you, cowering before me," Smaug said softly, landing before the shivering purple dragon. "Defeated, as all are before me. Smaug Unconquerable, Smaug the Magnificent."
There is no emotion; there is peace.
There is no ignorance; there is knowledge.
There is no passion; there is serenity.
There is no chaos; there is harmony.
Spike stood, looking Smaug in the eye.
There is no death; there is the force.
"It'll take more than that."
With a gesture, he replaced his lightsaber in his subspace pocket. "Believe it or not, I don't actually want to kill you."
"You? Kill me?" Smaug shook his head, a dangerous orange light building behind his teeth. "I think it is not I who must fear that."
Smaug fired another blast of full-power dragonflame directly at Spike. This time, he didn't dodge.
Twilight shielded her eyes against the flash of blue-white light.
"Is he okay?" Shining asked.
The younger sibling just smiled.
Smaug blinked. "I must admit, that has never failed to work before."
Spike shrugged, as the molten rock around him began to cool to obsidian. "I'm a dragon, remember."
He jumped, and kept going as wings snapped out from beneath his robe. Smaug spread his huge wings, and slapped the air to follow.
Thank you, Fluttershy and Dash! Spike thought with the small corner of his mind not focused on keeping ahead of Smaug. The larger dragon was a powerful flyer, but Spike had both technique and agility on his side. The former thanks to his fellow Element of Loyalty, the latter because Fluttershy had finally worked out with him how he could shift wings out of proportion to his size. More area meant more manoeuvrability.
Fire blazed through the air around him, and spawned savage upcurrents which clawed at his airflow. With a thought, he spun Smaug's latest dragonbreath into a single compressed ball of energy, and absorbed it to heal a few minor wounds.
Twitchy tail, the Force whispered, and he dove out of the way of Smaug's claw as it tried to smash him from the sky.
"That's kind of impressive..." Twilight said, quietly, as Spike did an aileron roll (without ailerons) and spun away from Smaug's dragonfire. The plasma burst hit her shield, which rippled but coped with it quite nicely. "I wonder why he's Looping..."
"Well, assuming the admins were responsible at all, they're not exactly infallible." Shining nodded to her, and she winced, remembering a few examples of less than perfect planning. "And he's kind of a major player in the book."
Twilight shaded her eyes from another flare. "True. But if we've got the job of clearing up again..."
Right. Spike executed a Kulbit, shedding speed so dramatically that Smaug overshot him entirely, and slowed to a hover. No more tactical retreats.
"I thank you, hatchling, for giving me such an exhilarating chase," Smaug said in a conversational tone. "Nevertheless, I also thank you for simplifying my task. Now, hold still so I do not destroy that ring of yours when I destroy you."
Spike inhaled, and blew a thin jet of green flame as Smaug unleashed his own roaring inferno.
"Whoa!" Shining said, dancing backwards a step as a cone of flame erupted from the apex of the shield dome. "Did it just fail?"
"Nope." Twilight's voice was smug. "I think he listened when we discussed tactical use of teleportation. He's flame-sending Smaug's own fire."
The flame-jet died down, and Spike grinned impudently. "No luck there."
Smaug stared fixedly at him for a second, and then his tail lashed forward like that of a striking scorpion.
Spike moved smoothly aside, with all the time in the world, and took hold of the tail just behind the flat spade. With careful precision, he pulled just before Smaug reached maximum extension and caused the wyrm to sprawl forwards in the air.
Courteously, he waited until Smaug had recovered his equilibrium.
Another fireblast came his way. This time, Spike held out a palm, and enclosed the fire in a blue globe of Force energy. Bringing it to his muzzle, he ostentatiously blew it out.
Smaug growled, smoke seething from the corners of his mouth, then lunged forward with shocking suddenness and bit down on Spike-
Tried to bite down.
Spike bared his own teeth in a fixed grin as he held two of Smaug's fangs, one in each paw, while pushing down with his feet to keep the mouth open.
Strength of the earth, sugar. Ain't nothing like real earthbendin', but you hold your stance and it ain't trivial to move you.
For fully ten seconds, he held Smaug's jaws open, then gathered himself and pushed.
Smaug resisted for a moment, then let his mouth hang open and began coughing. Spike dropped free, performed a wingover and hovered once more in front of Smaug's nose.
He shrugged. "Well?"
Smaug looked at him with half-lidded eyes full of hate. Then smiled. "So, your friends give you strength, do they?"
The huge red dragon... vanished.
Spike blinked, then gaped, turning towards Ponyville – where Smaug had reappeared, outside the shield, and was already inhaling.
"Oh, cress!" Shining blurted, realizing the magnitude of the disaster. "Twi! Quick, move the-"
Twilight's horn was already glowing, building a new set of shields over Ponyville. It would be a race to see who was ready first.
Then her first shield shattered like glass.
Spykoranuvellitar of Equestria, already a hundred feet long and swelling every second, hit Smaug the Red like a horizontal meteorite. The abruptly smaller Ardan dragon was body-checked clear across the town and floodplain, and impacted on a nearby mountain with Spike's paws still on his side.
"Let me make one thing very clear," Spike rumbled, his tone deceptively soft. "You don't hurt my friends."
Smaug made a funny wheezing sound, a little like a punctured accordion. This was probably because Spike was sitting on his torso.
"I meant everything I said before," Spike added. "I do think you're lonely, I do consider my friends to be the thing I most prize, and I didn't want to kill you. I still don't," he said, contemplatively. "But you're certainly making it tempting."
"I... surrender," Smaug gasped out. "My life and my hoard are yours. Do what you will."
Spike looked down at his erstwile opponent. "I make you a gift of your life. Do not squander it."
"Why?" Smaug asked. "Why would you just..."
The purple dragon shifted, taking his weight off Smaug. Then he sighed. "Hay, I dunno. Maybe it's because you're kind of what I could have become."
Smaug looked blank.
"Way back in the baseline, I had this... breakdown, I guess, where I went mad with greed. Grew to a huge size – like this, but not controlled properly – and started to rampage. I didn't hurt anyone, not seriously, but that's more luck than anything... and Rarity pulled me out of it, in the end."
"Rarity..." Smaug repeated. "Is she the wife you spoke of?"
"Yeah, though she wasn't then. It took hundreds of years for us to start going out – we took it slowly, for good reason." Spike smiled briefly, then let it fall off his face. "Anyway, I kind of see you as what I might have been like without her to save me. Consumed by the desire for more wealth, more concerned with what you could get than what you already have..."
Air hissed through Smaug's nostrils.
"And desperately alone, as well. I read the book – you were the last of the dragons on Arda, weren't you?"
The red dragon nodded reluctantly. "I was indeed, after the death of Ancalagon the Black."
"And I bet you spent a lot of time with him next loop, didn't you?" Spike asked, earning an even more reluctant confirmation. "Besides, it's kind of a rule around here. No-one gets written off."
After a long moment of silence, Spike rolled fully upright. "Right. On the understanding that you don't try to kill anyone for the rest of the loop, I'm willing to return your hoard to your control. Further, if you will pledge to refrain from killing where not necessary, I will teach you how to carry objects between loops."
Smaug's eyes snapped up. "How to...?"
Spike nodded, concealing a smile. Gotcha. "I also request – not require – that you talk to a friend of mine, by the name of Fluttershy. She is a shapeshifter – a Druid, in Faerun parlance – and understands the workings of instincts. I think it would be helpful for you."
Another long pause. Then Smaug slammed a claw into the rubble. "Alright! I agree, curse you!"
Spike beamed. "Nice doing business with you."
"I see..." Fluttershy said, scribbling some notes down on her pad of paper. "Yes, I've seen that before in created metabiological bauplans. It's a classic case of imperfect construction of instinctual-sapience balance, which means your intellect is unable to properly balance the conflicting requirements of your baser wants and needs."
Smaug growled, two jets of smoke curling up from his nostrils.
"Don't take that tone with me!" Fluttershy admonished. "Or you won't get a lollipop after we're done. Now, as I was saying, this doesn't mean that you're inferior in any way. After all, it's hardly your fault, and this kind of problem is resolvable with a course of treatment."
The pegasus finished writing, and ripped a sheet of paper off the pad. "Right, that's my diagnosis for the physical side. Now, tell me about your mother."
"My mother? My mother was the very living rock of Arda itself, and when I and the other dragons were spun from the earth we left it base and dulled!"
Fluttershy nodded. "I see. And how does that make you feel?"
"Superior," Smaug stated bluntly.
"Right, let's start there..."
12.8 (from MLP Loops)
Twilight Awoke, and looked around.
It was the later end of her normal start position spread, by the looks of it... she was in the library, just before having Spike write the note to Celestia.
Well, no reason to mess with the classics. Even if Spike had given her the nod they always shared when he was Awake.
Just as she inhaled, though, a voice spoke over her.
"Write this down, minion!"
"I am no-one's minion, unicorn whelp," a male voice slightly higher than Spike's tried to snarl. (The high pitch was a serious impediment.)
"Write it down anyway," continued the first voice. Twilight recognized it, and started to get a sinking feeling.
"Dear Princess Celestia," Trixie Lulamoon continued in the room next door, "We have uncovered incontrovertible evidence that your sister... let's call her Moonbutt... will return shortly. Do you want her exploded, set on fire or cured?"
Twilight and Spike shared a confused glance.
"...you might be tolerable," the other male voice admitted grudgingly. "Sending."
The Anchor and her adoptive brother walked through the connecting doorway. "Hi, Trixie, who's your-" Twilight began.
Spike held out a paw, stopping her. "Loop memories, Twi!"
"...oh."
Twilight Sparkle was one of Princess Celestia's two students, this loop. She and Trixie Lulamoon had each hatched a dragon egg at their entrance exams – twin eggs, in fact – and been taken in due to the sheer strength of their magical powers.
Twilight had hatched the egg of purple Spykoranuvellitar, known as 'Spike'. And Trixie had hatched the egg of red Smauglaureafeanaro... known as 'Smaug'.
"Well, this could be interesting..." Twilight commented absently. "Anyway. Hi, Trixie."
"Greetings, Twilight!" Trixie replied, turning with a smile. "Have you met my assistant?"
"Both looping and not, yes," Twilight confirmed. Spike nodded agreement. Then frowned, as a loop memory stood out.
"Didn't you two burn down Canterlot Town Hall last year?"
"That was just a fireworks display!" Trixie protested. "Sure, there were three thousand fireworks, and Smaug lit them with his fire, but that's my excuse-"
"Our excuse," Smaug interrupted. "Did I not come up with it?"
"-Our excuse, thank you, and we're sticking to it."
Twilight and Spike exchanged another look.
"We're doomed," Spike opined. "But, on the plus side, it'll look pretty. From, you know, orbit."
"Right," Twilight said briskly one morning. "As I'm sure you know, Trixie, having been through this all so many times-"
Trixie Lulamoon, Official Unofficial Ponyville Performance Artist, made an expansive gesture. "Of course I know!"
Twilight Sparkle, Official Librarian, nodded towards the red dragon slouched over one of the armchairs. "But Smaug doesn't. So I need to tell him."
"Then tell him, Twilight," Trixie said carelessly. "Why are you bothering me?"
Twilight counted to three. Backwards. From one thousand.
"As I was saying. Smaug, a dragon moves into the local mountain about now, and we have to evict him one way or another. I'm just extending you the invitation in case you want to get involved."
Smaug looked up, closing a book – which Twilight noticed was one of her copies of the Silmarillion. "I accept. I have had enough of this propaganda for one day."
"That's... unsettling..." Twilight mused. "Okay. Hold on while I go get the others."
"Must we?" The red dragon looked at her with dull eyes.
"Hey, remember what I told you," Spike pointed out. "Friends are where strength comes from."
"Yes, but these... they aren't even Awake!" Smaug waved out the window. "How can you maintain such a strong bond with them?"
"Because they are our friends," Twilight answered.
Smaug frowned, but said nothing further.
"You call this a hoard?" Smaug demanded, striding into the cave as fast as his (short) legs could carry him.
"I do, hatchling," the dragon lying astride the pile of gold and gems answered. He blinked, slowly. "Leave now, before I give you the fate that awaits all thieves."
"You need not concern yourself with thievery," Smaug replied, kicking a golden plate out of his path. "I would not steal trinkets."
"...what did you just say?" With a clattering of coins and a rustle of jewellery, the Old dragon rose from his posture of repose. "You, a mere stripling, come here and lecture me on what a hoard is?"
"All there is in this cave is window dressing." Smaug picked up some coins and let them run through his claws. "It looks pretty, and tastes good, but it has no real value."
With a gesture, he made a gleaming sword appear in his left hand. It was about the right scale for his current size. "This has value. It was awarded by Thorin Oakenshield, King of Dwarves, for destroying an army of our mutual foes and as payment for the great gem the Arkenstone." Smaug turned the blade, letting filtered daylight catch the runes engraved into it – including four straight-edged draconic runes, clearly a later addition. "This is Orcrist Urulookeanna, and there are none like it."
"...okay, I'm kind of scared," Spike whispered. "He actually listened to me?"
"From what Trixie can tell, you made quite an impression." Trixie paused. "With his body. In a mountain."
There was a bright flash from inside the cave. Then a roar, rumbling up through their feet.
Then a flare as bright as the sun.
Vantuvir the Black Smoke erupted through the side wall of his cave. Smaug followed, mouth blazing with white-hot dragonfire.
"Ah," Spike nodded. "This I recognize. Aggressive negotiations."
There was an "oooooh" from the Elements, gathered behind them. Another explosion, this time of red-cored black smoke, earned an "aaaaahh".
"I wonder if this Vantuvir would be willing to participate in my shows," Trixie wondered aloud. "I could go into air shows."
"After today, I suspect he'll demand a protection spell," Twilight said delicately.
"Why are we out here?" Smaug grumbled, putting the box of dynamite down.
"Well, the Mayor said that Trixie could not test her explosives in town any more, unless she wanted to start paying for windows." Trixie shook her head, her face hang-dog. "I had nearly worked out how to make an explosive which would be soundless..."
"...I must admit that the concept is intriguing..." Smaug said, frowning. "How would that work?"
"The sound would be ultrasonic and vent most of the sound-based energy directly upwards." Trixie opened the box with magic. "Right, let's see... one of these was minimizing auditory signature in favour of light signature, and one was the other way around. I can't remember which..."
"Um..." Fluttershy raised a hoof tentatively, and pulled her bright pink earmuffs off one ear. "Why am I out here?"
"Oh. Well, heh..." Trixie winced. "Last time I tried testing these, I summoned an Ursa Minor. So I wanted to have you around to... defuse things with the local wildlife. No pun intended," she added as Smaug chuckled.
Fluttershy nodded timidly. "If I can help, that's fine..."
She screwed up her eyes, pulled her earmuffs back over her ears, and sat down on the earth with her hooves holding them in place.
"...well, may as well use trial and error," Trixie decided. "Whichever one of these makes a very loud bang, that is from the side of the box I put the loud ones in."
She shot two small spells at the fuzes, which began to hiss. "Fire in the hole!"
When the concussion died away, Smaug got up (Trixie's idea of 'loud bang' would have done credit to a small volcano, and he'd been knocked sprawling) and looked with appreciation at the blast scarring and the crater.
There was something missing, though. Two somethings.
"...where did you go?" he asked, looking around. The pegasus and the unicorn appeared to have vanished into thin air.
The ground heaved up, and some kind of canine creature that looked like a cross between a warg and an orc dug his way into the air.
"You. Have you seen two ponies?" Smaug asked, facing the newcomer.
It appeared to ignore him, turning to face down the hole it had left. "No more pony. Only dragon."
When Smaug spoke next, his voice had a kind of silky quality. "Did you take them?"
"Of course," the dog-like tunneller said, matter-of-factly. "Ponies pull minecarts."
"Right. Right." Smaug took a deep breath, and then exhaled a roaring wall of flame at the luckless Rover.
Before the Diamond Dog could even start trying to extinguish his rapidly burning fur, Smaug was at the hole and blasting it ten feet wide with a lance-like beam of dragonfire.
"I really need to learn not to do things like that," Trixie said to nobody in particular.
She was still flash-blinded from the explosion, she couldn't hear herself speaking, and while both problems could be solved by going alicorn she didn't feel like explaining everything to Fluttershy.
Besides, she could totally get them out of this once her eyesight returned.
Then the ground shook.
A wave of heat rolled over her.
"Trixie apologizes to her rescuer," she said, as distinctly as she could, "but she is currently not only blind but also deaf. Which way is out?"
Moving air let her know someone was approaching, and then some claws tapped her shoulder lightly.
"Well, this will be fun..." Trixie muttered.
"So, yeah," Trixie concluded, blinking rapidly. "Smaug led Fluttershy and I out of the complex – I assume melting new doorways a few times – and then we got back here and you fixed my eyesight and hearing. No harm done."
"Um..." Fluttershy gave Smaug a quick glance. "...thank you, Smaug."
The red dragon shrugged.
"Actually," Twilight said, looking thoughtful. "I have a couple of questions for Smaug. First – you didn't kill anyone, did you?"
Smaug examined his claws. "They weren't worthy of that much attention."
"I see." Twilight nodded, still frowning. "And the second question. Why, precisely, did you do it?"
Smaug stopped moving for a moment.
He recovered quite quickly, and affected a relaxed attitude, but the Equestrian Loopers had all seen it.
"Well, I did want a fight – it's been a while," he said, shrugging. "And I do owe Fluttershy of Everfree a debt for her help."
Fluttershy frowned. "It was no trouble, really. And-" she caught sight of the clock on the mantelpiece, and winced. "Oh, no. Sorry, Twilight, I need to get back home soon. Angel's hurt his toe, and I need to change the poultice."
"It's okay," Twilight said, shrugging. "Go ahead."
As soon as she was out of the door, Twilight turned back to Smaug. "You know, I don't believe you."
"Why not?" Smaug asked, lip twitching as though it wanted to curl into a snarl. "It has been a while."
"But you just said that the Diamond Dogs weren't worth your attention," Twilight replied. "And it takes considerably more attention not to kill them, if you're actually fighting them."
"Precisely. I put no effort into making them dead or keeping them alive."
Twilight dragged the argument back on track. "But that means this wasn't even a fight, just a rescue."
The red dragon looked mildly uncomfortable. "So what if it was? Rescues are more challenging."
"And this isn't the looping Fluttershy – you made just that point a few months ago."
Smaug pressed his lips closed.
"Smaug," Spike spoke up for the first time. "It's not an admission of weakness if you just wanted to help them. Or that you like someone."
"I don't!" Smaug snapped. "I..."
He trailed off.
After examining him for a minute or so, Twilight looked away. "If you don't want to admit it, fine. But we're not going to laugh at you if you did."
"Come on, Smaug," Spike called. "You were hatched on the same day as me this loop, this is your birthday as well!"
Smaug's head rose from the bed. "...birth day? Why is this worthy of commemoration?"
"It's kind of a celebration of the life of the person, as much as anything," Spike replied, frowning. "Being glad that they're a friend, that they're a year older. It's their day."
Spike paused. "Just don't let it go to your head, because if dragons like we are now do that too much then you turn into a huge monster. And that never goes well."
Smaug lay back down on the bed. "I see no reason to get involved."
"You get presents..." Spike reminded him.
A long pause. Then Smaug let out a sigh, and got up. "Oh, very well."
"Why is there such a tendency for mundanity?" Smaug muttered, looking at the latest present. (Trixie had given him a book about liquid rocket fuels.) "I am sure that I will eventually read it, but... they are not precious, not valuable, what worth do they have?"
"They're useful, or just nice to have," Spike tried to explain. "Presents are as important for what they mean as what they are."
"Not convinced..." Smaug replied in a low voice.
They looked up at the sound of nearby hooves.
"Um..." Fluttershy began. "Spike, I'd like you to have this."
She reached into her left saddlebag, and pulled out a wrapped package.
"Thanks!" Spike said, smiling at her, and opened it efficiently with a claw. "Oh, nice!"
He lifted the woollen sweater from the package. "Thanks, 'shy. Did you knit this yourself?"
Fluttershy nodded quickly.
"You're really good at it." Spike turned it around, found the base, and slipped it on. "What do you think?"
"Um... it looks good," Fluttershy volunteered. "But I'm sure that's you, not the sweater..."
"Don't be too hard on yourself," Spike waved a hand. "I mean, it is good. Just, you know, don't overdo it either. This thick is fine for me, 'cause dragons don't overheat... hey, maybe you could do these for everyone for Hearth's Warming?"
"...okay," Fluttershy nodded. "Oh, I had something for Smaug as well."
Another parcel came out of the other saddlebag, and Smaug shredded the paper open.
Unlike Spike's one, it wasn't a sweater. In fact, it was a scarf.
Smaug picked it up carefully, unfolded it, and looked at both sides. The pattern wasn't particularly novel, as such – red scales picked out in gold – but the thing which was really surprising was the sheer length.
"Fluttershy..." Spike said, uncertainly. "That scarf has got to be at least thirty feet long."
"Oh, er..." Fluttershy blushed. "I didn't know how long to do it, so I asked Trixie, and she said 'the longer the better'. Then she winked?" The pegasus pushed her hooves together, wincing. "I'm sorry if it's too long..."
"No..." Smaug said, his voice absent the usual sharpness. "This is fine. My thanks."
Fluttershy smiled, though it still looked a bit nervous. "Uh, that's okay..."
The red dragon wrapped the scarf around his neck several times, letting both ends trail down his back. "I am sure I will grow into it."
"Er... you do know our loop is only about five years?" Spike asked, after Fluttershy had left.
"I do," Smaug confirmed.
"But... does that mean you're going to keep it? I mean, in your-"
"Yes," Smaug replied, in a tone that brooked no further comment.
Wisely, Spike shut up.
(this section by TricornKing)
"Spike?"
"Yes Smaug?" said the purple dragon.
"Why am I blindfolded? For that matter, why am I still blindfolded?"
Spike quickly removed the blindfold. "Because of this!" he shouted, spreading his arms out to indicate their current location.
Smaug just looked around, taking in Spike and their friends sans Fluttershy and their location. To his surprise, the ponies were all wearing camouflage outfits. "Why are we in a ditch?"
"Because of that!" Trixie shouted, pointing up at the sky. As the others followed her lead, they watched in awe as the dragon migration passed by overhead.
Spike was serving out tea and biscuits, wearing the pink frilly apron that he had from the baseline. He'd been expecting some kind of snarky comment from Smaug about it, but when he didn't hear anything, he turned to his in-loop brother.
Smaug was just standing there, gazing in rapture at the flying dragons above them. There even seemed to be a shimmer of tears in his eyes. Sidling closer to him, Spike said in a whisper, "Reminds you of home, doesn't it?"
"….yes," said Smaug in a faraway voice. "After the War of Wrath, we dragons escaped to the North to live out our lives. Eventually we all separated and went our separate ways, but for a time…"
The little red dragon turned his head slightly to Spike. "Tell me, what are the dragons here like?"
Spike grimaced a bit. "In the baseline," he whispered back, "I went after the migration to try and figure out who I was. I met a bunch of teenage dragons who at first gave me a hard time for living with ponies, then accepted me when I belly-flopped onto lava." Nodding at Smaug's wince, Spike continued, "They then tried to induct me into their ranks by getting me to smash a defenseless phoenix egg."
"Why? Did the parents attack them or the migration's hatchlings?"
"Nope. They just wanted to smash it because they felt like it."
A look of disgust passed over Smaug's face. "Killing an unborn hatchling for laughs….vile."
Seeing Spike's raised eyebrow, Smaug quickly added, "There's no sport in killing the unborn. No glory to it."
"Whatever you say Smaug," Spike said as he turned back to his other friends, a small smile on his face.
"These traps are stupid!" Trixie shouted, firing an explosive spell at the door in front of them. "My worst fear is not possible, that's stupid!"
"It showed your worst fear when you tried to open it?" Smaug asked, frowning at the large door. "What did it show?"
"I was alone, on stage, with everyone throwing tomatoes at me, and there was a poster on the back wall saying that explosives no longer functioned," Trixie said, still attacking the door. "It's physically and chemically impossible! I mean, I'm good at performing!"
"...you realize that door hasn't changed in the whole time you've been blasting it, right?" Smaug pointed out.
"So?" Trixie shot back. "It's going to give in one day!"
"Oh, let me do it." The juvenile dragon shoved her none-too-gently out of the way, inhaled, and fired a blaze of white-blue fire with shimmering mach diamonds in the middle of the stream.
The world lurched-
Smaug lay on a great golden hoard. The wealth of an entire civilization at his feet, blazing in the sunlight filtering through holes high up in his lair.
He was the last and greatest of the Dragons of Arda. Most powerful creature in the world, unconquerable, rich beyond the dreams of lesser beings.
Alone.
Unutterably bored.
Ultimately, worthless, because nothing he did from now to the end of days would change anything or be remembered.
Fated to sit atop the wealth of ages, forever.
Forever alone...
...aug? Smaug?"
Smaug's eyes opened.
There was a hoof prodding his shoulder, and he was face down on the ground. Something was glowing brightly in front of him.
"What..."
"Are you alright?" a voice he recognized as Trixie asked, concerned. "You blew the door up – which, by the way, was awesome, I have to Ascend to make that happen – and then collapsed."
"I see." Smaug formed a fist, and punched the ground. Then stood, a little shakily. "What now?"
"Uh..." Trixie frowned. "We go through here, there's some stupidly long stairway, and then Sombra shows up. Look, it'll probably be easier if I keep him occupied and you take the Heart, you clearly had a bad reaction to whatever your worst fear was."
"I did not-" Smaug bit off the end of the sentence, growled, and nodded. "You're right. I did. And I hate that."
"Happens to all of us sometimes," Trixie said sympathetically. "I had pretty serious issues with self-worth for a while. Right, we'd better hurry."
As she spoke, her horn glowed. "Fly."
"You could do this all along?" Smaug asked, warning in his voice as they rocketed along.
"We try to give the authentic experience to anyone who's bored," Trixie replied airily. "I hear Sparkle used the ceiling as a slide the first time, you're actually pretty lucky."
"Well, I'm stuck," Trixie said in a bored voice, kicking desultorily at the black crystal cage. "Smaug. You'd better take the Heart. I'll hold him off."
"Your acting needs work," Smaug informed her, picking up the Crystal Heart.
"I'm not exactly trying to win an award here," Trixie informed him primly. "And, for my next performance, I will defeat an evil unicorn without moving!"
A shield sprang up around her.
"That means get going," Trixie added. "Off you go."
Smaug rolled his eyes, turned, and set off.
A black shape of crystal and smoke headed directly towards the running dragon, turning into King Sombra as it did so.
"Let's see if this works..." Smaug muttered to himself, then energy crackled around his claws and teeth.
He opened his mouth, and the fire that issued forth this time was a lance of purple and white shot through with deep red.
He'd learned how to do this a long time ago in Faerun. It was called 'Rebuking Breath'. The main question was whether this Sombra counted as 'undead'... or close enough, at any rate.
After a moment, the flames died down, and he could see the fruits of his efforts – the dark unicorn was suspended in mid-air, conflicting energies roiling across his body.
Smaug decided that probably meant 'close enough', and continued running.
Since they'd been running fairly close to baseline – just having Twilight stay with the fake Heart to protect it, and assigning Trixie and Smaug to the task of carrying the real Heart – the celebration and stained-glass window and all that followed were quite familiar to Twilight.
She was impressed with the visitor, though. He'd really improved over his time in Equestria, especially compared to the first time he'd turned up and tried to incinerate the place...
Now, however, the celebrations were done, and they were all back in Ponyville.
"Is that the last of the calamities your Loop has for the unwary?" Smaug asked, sitting heavily down in an armchair.
"Not quite," Twilight replied, shaking her head. "One or two more of the same scale, but if you're all stressed out then Trixie and I can handle those."
"Ask me again nearer the time," the Dragon Dread decided.
"Will do." Twilight nodded, then brightened. "Oh, I was going to tell you. We – Trixie, Spike and I, as well as Shining and Cadence – wanted to let you have first pick of Sombra's treasury, because you were so instrumental in defeating him.
"...I believe I will decline," he said eventually.
Twilight blinked. "Really?"
"Really," Smaug confirmed. "I believe I have memories enough."
12.9 (again, from MLP Loops)
"Behold, I am Smaug the Red!" the huge red dragon roared. "My voice is the clap of a thunderstorm, and-" he paused. "I do not recall Bilbo Baggins being female."
The hobbit below him smiled uncertainly. "Hello, mister Smaug..."
Smaug crashed back down onto all fours, sending coins flying. "Is that Fluttershy I hear?"
"Well... yes, actually." She waved. "Though I'm Flutter Flagons here. How are you?"
"Fine, fine." He gestured around with his head and one foreleg at the cavernous building. "I've gone into politics, as you can see."
"I can." Fluttershy smiled. "Mister Gandalf was quite confused. He didn't expect you to be Mayor of Laketown."
"The election was interesting..." Smaug allowed, unconsciously stroking the scarf wound around his neck. "I donated about half the hoard to Laketown – this is the treasury building – and got elected in a landslide. Have you met Sir Bard? He's the deputy Mayor."
"I have, yes." Fluttershy looked back at the door. "He seems quite a grumpy guts. So, I hope you're doing better these days?"
"Indeed I am." The red dragon lay back down. "I was dubious at first as to whether I could truly find enjoyment in something other than violence or treasure, but your friends back in Equestria convinced me otherwise and it certainly appears to have worked."
"I'm glad to hear it." The hobbit rummaged in her pockets. "Now, what have I got in my pocket..."
"The One Ring, I assume," Smaug replied, rolling his eyes. "Should I destroy it right now? It would presumably save a great deal of trouble..."
"Oh, that's in here as well. But there's something else everyone in Equestria decided you should have." Fluttershy finally found what she was looking for in her Pocket, and withdrew a shining blue crystal about the size of two fists clasped together.
"Is that the Crystal Heart?" Smaug asked, squinting down at it.
"Yes, it is. Twilight went and got the one from your loop in Equestria just before the loop ended – we take turns carrying it, just in case one of us runs into you." She looked down at it, then back up at him. "Twilight told me that you didn't want a reward, and that's really very good – it shows that you've managed to get control of your own instincts. But consider this a well-done present."
Smaug the Unconquerable smiled. "Well how can I refuse? Thank you, Fluttershy."
"Really, it's no problem at all..." Flutter Flagons reaffirmed, putting the crystal down. "Remember to take it with you by the end of the loop."
"I will," Smaug assured her, touching the scarf again.
Fluttershy caught sight of it and smiled, but let it go. Then she gasped. "Oh, I nearly forgot the other thing I came in for! Where's the Arkenstone, please?"
"Oh, that thing." Smaug shrugged his massive wings. "I left it in the Lonely Mountain with the other half of my gold. They're welcome to it."
"Lovely." Fluttershy reached into her pocket, and flipped the One Ring into the air.
A spear of roaring dragonfire, two inches wide and too bright to look at, caught it at the apex of the throw.
Something shook the earth.
A puddle of molten metal landed on the flagstones with a bubbly hiss.
"Pleasure doing business with you, miss Fluttershy," Smaug rumbled amicably.
"Nice to see you as well, Smaug."
12.10
Footsteps sounded in the great hall of Alagaesia's most mighty ruler.
"Emperor Galbatorix," Eragon said quietly. "In light of the circumstances surrounding my arrival, I am glad you were able to make time to see me."
"I'd be a fool not to," the black dragonrider replied. "What do you have to say?"
In reply, Eragon raised his voice, and spoke in the ancient tongue. "I, Eragon, rider of blue Saphira, do swear to protect and serve the Empire until my dying breath."
Galbatorix smiled. "I believe you and I can do business, Eragon, Saphira's rider."
He stood, and clapped his hands. "Bring a table! Two chairs! Meat, bread, wine! And two haunches of cattle. My new right hand man and I have business to discuss... over food."
"Explain," the Emperor of Alagaesia said icily.
"I fulfilled my oath – letter and spirit," Eragon replied. "In letter, because those things were carnivorous monsters who ate people – Imperial citizens, at that. In spirit, because if you destroy innocents in trying to find plots against you – there will be plots against you. Everywhere."
Galbatorix considered that for a long while.
"I admire your cheek," he decided. "Do not do this again."
"No promises," Eragon said candidly. "Incidentally, I found the rebel stronghold."
The ruler blinked. "You what?"
"My... loyal... servant," Galbatorix sighed. "Sometimes I wonder whose side you're on, I really do..."
Eragon waved his hand towards the plain. "What? The Varden's army is broken, their might shattered."
"Yes, but-"
Another sigh. "You only killed about eighty of them!"
"Jominian attitude to warfare," Eragon explained glibly. "Manoeuvre the enemy into a position they can't fight, then accept their surrender. I actually didn't do it very well at all, I could probably have done it with fewer casualties..."
He trailed off, noticing that the Emperor was about to explode, and waved a hand. "They're beaten. Make them swear not to take up arms in return for concessions, and they're done with."
"And if they simply ignore their oath?"
Eragon smiled. "Then you crush them completely. Clausewitzian that time – smash and smash again until the enemy falls apart."
He shrugged. "But it will be abundantly clear, to everyone, that they deserved it."
Galbatorix gave Eragon a long and analyzing look.
"I feel somehow insecure on my throne while you're around..." he commented eventually.
"If it's ever a better idea to get you off the throne than to keep you on it, you come off it," Eragon explained. "Oath, remember."
He gestured at Saphira, whose wings snapped and crackled with a powerful magical charge – the same one she'd used to blast through an entire mountain two hours before. "I'd advise you rule well. Saphira and I are quite good at this."
Internally, Eragon felt quite satisfied.
One way or another, he'd cram Vetinari down Galbatorix' throat it if took an entire loop.
It may be better to be feared than to be loved, but it was better to be permanent than either.
12.11
"This is very interesting!"
I'm sure.
"I've never had speech before! And - and opposable thumbs!" The rider looked suddenly worried. "That is what they're called, right?"
His bronze nodded. Yes, M'enth or whatever you're eventually going to pick. They are called opposable thumbs.
"Amazing how interesting you find something like that..." M'enth looked suddenly worried. "Wait a second. What about getting everywhere? Am I going to have to walk?"
Assuming I'm not carrying you, yes. Bronze Fallarnon shrugged his still-young wings. I think this might be a case of the other side of the hold being nicer. I'm not looking forward to flying for hours on end...
"Flying's nice."
Not for hours on end. Fallarnon shrugged again. We should at least check who's the heir of Ruatha, though. Hope it's Ramoth. If it's Lessa, that could get quite confusing.
12.12 (Angelform)
"I wonder how long this loop lasts? These open tournament loops are always a bit random."
Too damned long.
Hiccup look over at the brooding dragon. "What are you so grumpy about? I thought you liked chasing people around with fireblasts?"
I hate being stuck so close to the ground. I have wings! Why is a four foot wall as impassable barrier!?
"Oh you're just grumpy about Waking Up in an egg."
The currently purple dragon shifted about. That… has nothing to do with it. Hay why don't we go swipe that pirate's treasure map?
"What makes you think she has a treasure map?" Despite is question the young warrior levered himself up.
She is a retired pirate. They always have a treasure map.
12.13 (Kris Overstreet)
"I beg your pardon, gentlemen," Bilbo said, for the first time in a very long time genuinely surprised and baffled by the thirteen dwarves and one wizard in his home. "Granted, literary study is one of my hobbies, but I assure you I put no secret mark on my door that means, 'literary agent.'"
"Of course not," Gandalf said, smiling. "I put it there after our conversation on Monday. I felt you had Awakened to your true potential, and knowing of this unique opportunity and your talents in this regard, I decided to give you the first opportunity at a more glamorous life than trading in groceries."
"Ah." So, the wizard wishes to play a prank. Very well, I'll play along for now and see what happens. "Then I believe it would be best if I heard the full story."
"Well." Thorin actually looked a bit embarrassed. "As you no doubt know, our people were exiled from our kingdom under Erebor, the Lonely Mountain far to the east. The great dragon Smaug descended upon us in fire and fury, slaying all who did not flee. He did likewise to the human city of Dale at the foot of the mountain. Since then we have lived in exile, building up such new fortunes as we may, hoping for a day when we might return and reclaim that which is ours.
"And then, a couple of weeks ago, I received a letter from my cousin Dain of the Iron Hills. He had received a messenger from Esgaroth, that is Lake-town below the Lonely Mountain. Smaug had emerged from the mountain and requested a parlay. He is willing to surrender Erebor and all the treasure therein to its rightful lord and return north to the Withered Heath or wherever he might find a new home. In exchange we were to bring him a literary agent to help organize and publish his memoirs." The dwarf lord nodded at the hobbit and added, "That would be you."
Goodness. So is this the wizard's joke or the dragon's? "I beg your pardon," Bilbo said politely, "but I have always been given to understand that the words of a dragon are, well, less than trustworthy. How are we to know this is not some sort of ploy to bring the last of your noble house back to be done away with?"
"What you say is true," Balin added. "And long we have argued with one another over the issue. But there is one indication that for once the dragon is sincere."
"He sent us this," Thorin said, removing a large wooden case from his pack. Inside lay a massive jewel, cut with so many facets that it made even the dim light of Bilbo's fire dance and sparkle like the star of Earendil. "The Arkenstone of Thrain. No dragon would part with it willingly, even for greater gain, if such can be imagined. Yet Dain reports that old Smaug referred to it as a sharp, dangerous paperweight."
"He, er, also sent along a draft of his early chapters," Balin continued. From his pack he withdrew a very large, heavy, doubled-over roll of maps. Written on the back of the outermost map, in very large but elegant letters, were the words: Thence and Back Again: a Dragon's Odyssey, by Smaug the Golden.
Bilbo's face paled as he realized the horrible truth: Oh, deary me. Smaug, are you listening?
I am, a voice in his head replied, filled with amusement.
You're quite serious about this memoirs thing, aren't you?
Very much so. It's about time someone set the record straight, and I'm not going to wait for another Pern loop just so I can get Robinton to do it.
Ah. Quite. I was afraid of that. Bilbo set the large bundle on his table, took three steps towards the hallway, peeped a choked, "Nope," and fainted dead away.
12.14
"Always wondered what would happen if we did this," Hiccup said.
That is a lie and you know it. Toothless ascended steadily into the sky, wings pumping. If you'd always wondered, we'd have done this already.
"Okay, okay," Hiccup backpedalled. "Spoilsport."
Toothless made a raspberry sound.
"Yeah, yeah." The rider patted his friend on the back, then unhitched himself from the saddle and let himself slide off.
Ten seconds of falling, before he was at terminal velocity.
The small fins attached to his boots snapped out, and he used them to steer his downwards plunge.
Nice angle, Toothless commented, diving himself and playing around his rider in the airstream.
"Good to know you approve," Hiccup said through clenched teeth. Then the ground was coming up and he was aiming for the little patch of pink and it grew in his vision so fast-
Whump.
Toothless alighted on the rock, just next to the four-hundred-foot-on-a-side cube of cotton candy in its hole.
I assume you're okay, Hiccup? I mean, the loop hasn't ended.
"I'm okay!" Hiccup said, somewhat indistinctly. "It worked!"
Neat. The Night Fury bent down, and snaffled some of the cotton candy. It's certainly a tasty way to land.
"Yeah. Er..." Hiccup's voice was now a little embarassed. "Toothless? I forgot to think of how to get out... I don't float on cotton candy..."
I will save you! Toothless announced.
"You're going to fly me out?"
I am going to eat every last scrap of cotton candy. Then fly you out. Toothless put action to words, and started munching. I hope you have a book down there. This could take a while.
AN:
12.1: Bilbo has a few contacts.
12.2: Who would have thought all you'd need was a mold?
12.3: Yes, this is a thing. It has caused at least one real plane crash.
12.4: PTSD sucks.
12.5: At the same time, Mnementh and F'lar were flaming Sachiel.
12.6: Howzat! Wait, that's cricket.
12.7: This is how Smaug went from "I wish to discover the melting point of every substance" to merely arrogant and antisocial.
12.8: And this is the other half of the process.
12.9: I'd vote for him. Mind, he had me at "dragon".
12.10: Got to love exact wording.
12.11: Perspective flips. They're interesting.
12.12: Bastion's design isn't much short of a lawsuit. (from Strife.)
12.13: Well, he did say the Silmarillion was propoganda...
12.14: Do not try this at home. That much cotton candy will rot your teeth.
