A/N: I am so sorry this is late. I can only hope you can forgive me! I also hope you can forgive me for not proofreading this. It's late, I worked hard today, and this is kind of rushed, but I knew it was wrong to make you wait so long. I feel terrible! I just hope this chapter makes up for it in some ways. It took a lot of music to get me into a writing mood for this, and let's all take a moment to thank the gods of music and mischief for bringing me influence!
Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter! I actually cut this in half, so instead of one long one, it'll be two shorter chapters, there for making the series longer. ^^ Enjoy!
Song of the day: I was listening to SNK soundtracks, so those are good ones. XD
Potent
Chapter Eleven: Hattori
I cast a glance back over my shoulder, my green eyes falling to the figure sleeping comfortably in the bed beside me. Yoite had the blankets pulled up over his shoulders, covering his chin, mouth, and half of his cheeks. His eyes were closed, his eye lashes falling gently against his cheeks and creating shadows from the light of the moon. I pause, glancing just a little longer at him before looking back to my task at hand, which was tying my shoes. I did just that and let my leg fall over the side of the bed to dangle for a moment longer.
I look back again, my eyes wandering over Yoite's form again. He looks so innocent in his sleep, completely unaware of the harsh world around him that could tear down the walls he's worked so hard to build. I couldn't ever blame him for thinking that way, because what I was about to do was just as much of a stab to the back as what the rest of the world could provide. Even what I was about to do had my heart clenching and guilt swirling in my stomach. I only hope that someday everyone can forgive me.
I slide out of bed softly so I don't wake up Yoite and grab at one of the sweaters Hana had provided me. Nothing too bright or colorful, I sure as hell am not going to need it later. I walk over to the other side of the bed where Yoite is sleeping and push the blankets back a little. Not a lot, just enough so I can see his entire face. The result is a bit of Yoite's shoulder peeking out from under the blanket, too thin to properly be covered by the shirt he's wearing. I let out a heavy, but quiet sigh and lean forward to press a kiss to his lips. It's very gentle, just so he doesn't wake up.
That would be all I needed. I couldn't risk Yoite waking up and figuring out what I was doing. He may not know it at first, but Yoite isn't dumb; he's smart, and he would surely figure out what I was planning within seconds of seeing me.
With one last glance, I quietly slip out of our room and shut the door behind me. I don't have a key to let myself back in, making myself locked from the outside, but I know I won't need one.
I'm not coming back.
Either way I see it, whether I grant what Hattori wants or not, I'm going to end up dead. That's why I'm not bringing anything important, that's why I'm not keeping the key to our room, that's why I'm saying goodbye to Yoite…
I'm not involving him in this. At first, I had thought that I would, because I know he would fight with me until I gave in, but I changed my mind later that day when I saw him coughing up blood. He thought I didn't notice, that I didn't notice the way he snuck out of the room to go to the bathroom, that I didn't hear him coughing his lungs out, that I didn't see the residue of blood on his lips or taste it when I kissed him. Yoite was sick, very sick, and I wasn't going to risk his life because either of us was selfish. No, I would do this alone.
It'd be easier for everyone, especially me. I didn't need to see their pained expressions. I didn't need to be reminded of how terrible an idea this was; I was aware of it, but I wasn't going to let people die. I'm not heartless.
I give another audible sigh, this time louder now that I'm not risking the chance of waking up Yoite. I'm alone in this secluded hallway, giving me the chance to really run over my thoughts. Have I forgotten anything? Shoulder I reconsider this? No, I really shouldn't. I'm doing this to save more lives, and that's it. I can't get cold feet and change my mind now all because I'm scared.
I need to do this. I have to move. If I don't, I'm just going to be frozen to this stupid door until someone moves me.
I quietly groan as I shift, my hands pushing me off of the door and making me stand straight. I push myself forward, making one foot step in front of the other. It takes me a few minutes, but I'm finally moving like I'm not a robot. It gets me out of the rebel camp, but it takes longer than I ever thought possible. I've been panicked before and it never took me that long.
Once outside, the cold night air is somewhat calming. It relaxes my nerves, but the fear sets in only minutes later. While it helps me in some ways, it's not enough. I could very likely die tonight, and that fear is raising my anxiety to no ends. I can practically feel my hair falling out.
I take a few, deep breathes for a moment, trying to will myself into walking again. I could say that the cold just numbs my legs, seeing as how I'm wearing a pair of shorts in the middle of freaking winter, but I know that's probably one percent of why I now can't move. Two percent of it is just the fear, and the other ninety-seven percent of it is the crack of branches behind me. I gasp before turning, but the air is trapped in my throat when I feel a raw kick to my stomach. I fall to the ground and cough, gasp, and beg for air, but these kicks are relentless.
"Look who decided to show up." A male voice speaks up.
I should have known. I knew I wasn't safe, but I thought going by myself would cause me less problems. I guess I didn't factor in the part of me being watched.
"Some Shinrabansou." A female voice says.
I grind my teeth together and look up, my eyes glaring daggers at the sight of the two twins standing over me. I remember them well, for they attack Yoite and I with Kouichi and Shijima in the jail. I remember them also working for Kotaro, but now here they are.
I couldn't trust them. I know I trusted Kouichi and Shijima, but they were different. No matter what, I knew that I couldn't trust them, whether they were on my side or not.
"Were you aware that you were being followed?" The female twin asks, though she drops her voice like she's attempting to sound like her brother.
"Ye-s," My voice cracks and another kick is delivered to my stomach. I'm reduced to falling over again in hopes that I can block away the pain, but all that gets me is the boy pressing his foot into my shoulder.
"Stupid," He mutters, and presses down to a painful extent. I claw my fingers into the dirt, hoping to distract myself from the pain, but it's not enough. I remember the time Yukimi popped my shoulder out of place, but hell, even that wasn't as bad as this. He's just prolonging my pain as a form of punishment.
"So what are you doing out here anyway?" The girl asks and pushes her red hair out of her face to tuck it behind her ear under her hat. I raise my head to speak, but her brother kicks my face back into the dirt.
"What does it matter? He'll end up dead." I spat blood from my busted lip in his direction, but he didn't seem to care. That only got my face pushed back into the dirt. I tried muttering something, anything to get him to move, but I couldn't get my mouth out of the dirt.
"Ya know, boss will be mad at us if we kill him." The sister mutters and pushes her iron toed boot into my cheek.
"He never said anything about beating him up."
"Yeah, but the whole point of this was to be peaceful. He wouldn't believe the bruises he has aren't from us." The girl states with a frown. "He'll get mad."
"Yeah, but since when was the last time we listened?"
"Brother…" I cough, and finally they let me lift my head from the dirt. I lay still for a moment, just trying to catch my breath and not inhale dirt. Once that's done, I look back up at them, but I still glare daggers at them. I can see the brother get angry at me, and he lifts his boot in an attempt to kick me in the face again, but I speak up before he does.
"I need to talk to him." I state. His foots stops midair, and I wince, waiting for the impact. It never comes.
"To our boss, Hattori?" The sister asks. I nod my head and lift myself up a little.
"I want to talk to him. He said he wanted to talk to me, and here I am." I push up again, forcing myself up onto my hands and knees. The two twins exchange looks with each other before looking back at me with confusion on their faces.
"You mean you want to talk to him?" The sister asks, her big eyes bigger than before. I nod again, prompting the brother to move his foot away from me.
"You really are stupid." He grumbles before bending down to lift me onto my feet by my arm. His grip is tight and it hurts, but he's already pulling me away from the rebel camp before I can complain.
"W-What are you doing?" I ask and hiss as he yanks me forward and pulls my arms back behind my back.
"You want to see our boss? Then shut up and be patient." His sister says and pushes at the back of my head. I might as well keep quiet. I know, as well, that if I don't, I'm only going to get another beating.
So I stay quiet, and I stay quiet for a while. Even when they dragged me into a car and drove for miles, even though that unnerving silence was killing me, I stayed quiet. The point of talking with Hattori is a peaceful solution. I don't want to cause trouble. It's only when we pull in front of an old temple that I finally speak up.
"What is this place?" I ask.
"It's where our boss comes to relax. He does a lot of his work from here in a means of focusing on it." The sister says. Her brother kicks me out of the car, and without much use of my arms until I'm released, I can only stop my face from hitting the dirt once again. He's quick, however, and pulls me back onto my feet before I can do it myself, let alone collect the breath that he knocked out of me.
"Don't keep him waiting." He growls. I grind my teeth together again, hating it that I can't say anything against this guy. I want to curse at him, to throw my own punches at him or kick him to the ground, but I know better. I'm not in the rebel camp; I'm in their territory, and I should respect their property, no matter how much I don't want to.
I can't say I want to destroy the place either. The garden is nice, and when we step inside, instead of a decrepit building like I was expecting, it was well furbished in the most recent of Japanese styles, though I could still feel the old nature of its intentions. It was rather nostalgic in a way, but I couldn't think of that for too long.
Both twins open an old, sliding door that led to a large room. The décor was nice, added with a few potted plants here and there. The screen door was open, leading to the beautiful garden I had previously seen. It left a nice, midnight draft in the room that was soothing, even in this situation. In the middle of the room was a long kotasu table, with only a few seats. One of the seats, however, was occupied, and that was what I was giving most of my attention to.
An older man was in the middle seat the side of the table. He looked to be in his fifties, though I couldn't be positive, and was wearing a blue yukata. I hadn't seen one of those in years, so to see one on him made me think that he was ancient.
"I assume that you are Rokujo Miharu?" His voice was deep, but had such a kind tone to it. He flashes a smile to me specifically and motions for me to come into the moon with his hand. "Please, come in and sit. I hope they haven't caused you any trouble." He says and glares at the two twins.
"No more than they have already…" I mutter. I could feel the boy grip at my arm to a painful extent, but I ignored it. I knew what he really wanted to do to me, and that was beat me until I was black and blue all over, but he was holding out on me. He didn't want to get in trouble, or more than he already was in.
For now, all I do is sit across the table from him with my legs crossed under it. I looked around a little more, taking in my surroundings in case I need to make a run for it, but the only freedom I see is either out the way I came or through the open screen door, and both are now being guarded by the twins.
"Please forgive them. I told them to keep a look out for you, not drag you here." The man apologizes.
"I came on my own." I say. The man looks up again, his black eyes widening in surprise.
"Did you now?" He asks.
"Yes," I confirm. "You're Hattori, aren't you?" I then ask. Said man nods his head with another one of those nice smiles.
"I am," He says. "And you are the Shinrabansou."
"I am," I agree. He's already trying to get information out of me, though that little snippet of information isn't unknown by everyone. He probably knew everything about me long before he sent that message to me. "You're the man who killed hundreds of innocent people."
I don't want to be here long. If I'm going to die, I don't want to prolong it. Get it over with if it's going to happen. I won't beat around the bush, so the saying goes.
Hattori breathes in deeply and then lets out a heavy sigh, letting a few quiet moments going by. The only sound I hear is the sound of the water fountain outside and the sudden break of silence for the shishi odoshi hitting rock. I look behind the old man to see the sister glaring at me, and I know she's just waiting for that order to kill me.
"Yes, that is true, but for good reasons." He says calmly. I don't know how he's staying so calm, because I sure am not.
"I don't see any. You nearly killed my friend. You nearly killed me. The people I saw on the streets were only trying to live. That doesn't mean they deserved to die." I argue. If I'm dying tonight, I'll put up a damn good fight.
"Very true, Miharu, but sometimes, people need to make sacrifices." He explained.
"Why…? They didn't. They wanted to live. That's all they were trying to do every day."
"But for the greater good, their deaths will not be in vain." He continues.
"So then can you tell me something?" He has flaws in his argument. I wonder if I'm smart enough to see them or his argument is just plain pathetic.
"What is it?" He asks.
"What would have happened if I had died in that explosion?" I ask. "What if that had killed me? What then?" I ask. I can already guess what his answer is, but I want to hear it from him.
Hattori stays silent for a moment, and the only sound is my breathing. I can't be sure if he is, because he's awkwardly still, but that's fine by me. I distantly hope for him to stop, it would just make things easier on me.
"Miharu," He says, but then pauses from his previous statement. "May I call you that?" He asks. "That is your name after all."
"Fine by me," I grumble.
"Miharu, I'm aware of what you're thinking. You're thinking that it wouldn't matter to me, because the Shinrabansou would just move on to another host, and I would go to them and talk to them instead." Yep, that's exactly what I was thinking. "Well… Then you would be absolutely right."
My green eyes widen in surprise. I didn't except him to be so straight forward, but I was proven wrong.
"I understand how that makes you feel, and I can say that I don't appreciate the gesture, and I wouldn't even more if it were me, but you're young, and I don't think you can yet grasp sacrifice. You may know it, and you may be able to understand it to some degree, but the issue and outcome still stands; it's still sacrifice, and it's sacrifice that makes the world move." He continues to preach. I watch as he suddenly stands and continues to speak. "In times of war, thousands of men and women fought hard and sacrificed their lives for us. They did it for their families and their children's children. They did it for a better future, for that image of a utopia, where kids are free to run around whenever they want, not play with bombs like they play with toys."
Hattori takes a seat on the plush cushion next to me and looks deep into my eyes.
"Tell me, if I said that if you killed yourself, all the children in the world would be fed and never starve for the rest of their lives, would you do it? Would you sacrifice your one life for the greater good of millions of helpless and defenseless children?"
I'm left speechless, my lips barely parted to only breathe. I'm left with my mind only reeling on what he's said and asked. If that concept were true, would I really do it? Would I kill myself if it meant saving the lives of every child in the world?
"But…" I mumble.
"But…?" He asks.
"But… If I fed the children of the world with my sacrifice… How could kids feed themselves when they grow up?" I ask. "If they're given food all their childhood, that means they're never taught how to get it themselves. While my sacrifice would save so much, it'd be causing trouble in the future as well, because the adults would be incompetent…"
This is true as well. I can't say I'm the best when it comes to arguments, but I have been known to hold up a good one every now and again. I see his reasoning, I really do, but there are also my reasons too. Hattori seems to see this.
He begins laughing like this is the best thing he's ever heard. He nearly falls backwards, but his arm keeps him up while his other hand presses into his forehead. I feel myself pout, but I can't help it? What on Earth did I say that was funny?
"Miharu, I knew you were special." He says and pats at my back. "This is good, it's very good. You have such an open mind. Had I asked anyone else that question, they probably would have just said yes." He finishes off a few chuckles before continuing. "I knew you were someone who would understand."
"That's why I need your help. You're open minded and smart, and you read things well. I need someone like you by my side if I want to fix this world." He squeezes my shoulder, and I flinch in response. I'm not sure if he realizes it or not, but his grip is tight, really tight, and I feel like he's going to break my collar bone. "Won't you help me? Together, we can fix this world and make that utopia people dream of."
"But that can't be…" I don't even realize it until it's happened, but the words have flown out of my mouth before I can stop them. I can feel Hattori squeeze at my shoulder even more and I can't help the pain induced shift that unfortunately pushes me closer to him.
"And why is that?" He asks me.
"B-Because… Because if that utopia were real, wouldn't that mean that people would have to give up their ideals as well?" Why am I talking? What am I saying? "People would have to give up their faith, their religions, their sense of humanity, and that sense of freedom. It wouldn't be people all around the world with their own lives to lead; it'd be a whole world with one kind of person. What makes our world the way it is, is because everyone thinks differently and wants to live different lives."
"If we took that away from them, there would be no freedom. We'd be living hallow lives. Would we still be allowed to pick what we wanted to do in the future, or would someone else make that decision? That's not fair to anyone. I know I would want to keep whatever religion I believed in or love and take care of whoever I wanted…" I'm only digging myself into a deeper grave, I really am, but I can't help but say it.
And it's exactly what he wants.
"You are honestly more of a surprise then I had envisioned." He says. "You are thinking exactly like what I want you to think. You think like me, Miharu. You have such a broad mind." He squeezes again, and I'm forced into pulling away. I don't know why I was trying to be polite before, but I can't anymore.
I'm sure I have a bruise where his fingers were on my skin.
"So if you already knew these answers, then why are you asking them to me?" I ask and rub my shoulder.
"Because I needed to see and learn about the way you thought. I need to know how you look at the world and what you think of it, and what you think it can become. I needed to hear what you had to say about these ideas." He stands abruptly, and he walks over to the screen door to look outside in the garden. "And you answered everything correctly." He shoots a smile back at me, but it isn't warm or kind like before. It's downright creepy.
"So what happens now? Do I get a fun trip on a cruise?" I can't help but retort with sarcasm. It's something I'm so used to, but I have to remember who I'm dealing with here.
"No, but you can help me. Stand by my side, Miharu, and help me recreate the world." He says. His words are thick and laced with many different explanations, but I hear the same one on repeat over and over in my head.
"How can we recreate the world?" I ask. I feel dread hover over me.
I shouldn't have asked that question.
"We'll restart everything anew. Make exactly what you said was taboo, and make it so people never have those ideals to begin with."
I knew I shouldn't have asked. If he knew that everything both he and I agreed on was wrong, then why try it to begin with? Why would anyone want that for someone?
"But… Why would you want that?" I ask. "Didn't you just say that people made sacrifices for a better life for their children? What good are those sacrifices if those children can never have the freedom their parents fought for?"
"If we start over, the battles everyone faced would have never existed. There would be no wars, no battles, no fighting, no bloodshed, and no tears. Those children would grow up with a peaceful life."
"Full of fraud!" I argue. "They would never know what it's like to live! And what happens when one person decides that the life they live is wrong? What if they want to start a rebellion?" I question. "You can't stop people from thinking or feeling! You can't stop them from living! So what happens then?
"People will then have to be reminded as to why one should never think differently." His voice drops dangerously low, and I feel shivers go down my back.
"What, you just kill them? Where is the freedom in that?" I shouldn't keep going. I shouldn't keep talking. I should run. Run and hide.
What he wants isn't peace, it's absolute control. The world he wants isn't fair. If he got a hold of the Shinrabansou, it would be all over for the world that, even though it's unfair, it's life. Life goes on with wars and bloodshed, and while people sacrifice their lives for one battle, there will always be more. That's how life works, but we do it as a means of our own rebellion. We want to make things better for the future.
We want hope.
We want freedom.
We want to live.
"You can't do that!" I stand up and yell. "You would be creating everything you want to protect in the first place! You'd just be making a double standard!"
"You should understand better than anyone, Miharu." His voice is still low as he casts his stare back at me. I feel like I'm frozen in place as he moves over to me, and I can't get my feet to move as he hones in on me. I feel cold shivers run up my spine and goose bumps rise on my flesh as his hand reaches to my throat. His thumb digs into the hallow spot in my neck and my close my eyes, fear striking me down. "Only you have the power to change things. You can make this world a better place."
"No."
"You will do it." I can't open my eyes, even if it meant that I needed to look for a place to run to. I know if I open my eyes I'll see him, and I'm so scared that I can't bear to face that. I'm scared, and I'm alone. I should have never done this.
I just wanted to keep everyone safe. I wanted Hana, Thobari, and Yukimi safe. I wanted Yoite to stay alive, even if it meant that he would hate me forever. I wanted people like Reimai and Gau to be able to go to school like normal kids, and for Railou to live a decent life and watch over them. I wanted peace. I wanted to make some sort of peaceful truce with Hattori in hopes of ending the fighting, but I can't possibly agree with his terms.
Look where it's gotten me to.
I'm scared. I knew from the beginning I wasn't going to make it out of this alive, but I couldn't have fathomed the emptiness I was going to suffer from. I don't want to be alone.
"Miharu," I keep telling myself that it's for their lives, but I'm making a contradiction all on my own. I may keep them safe now, but when I'm gone, what will they do.
"Miharu," I can hear her voice again.
"You will help me, for the good of all humanity." I can feel tears lining my eyelids.
I don't have much of a choice, do I? It's either I help him, or have everyone suffer from my foolishness. I can't do that to them. I came here with their hearts in mind. If I do that, I'm only being selfish.
I can only hope that everyone can someday forgive me.
"Miharu…"
"Stop it, just… S-Stop it…" I swallow a thump of guilt clogging my throat. "I'll-"
"Hey, you can't be in here!" My eyes finally pry open long enough to look away from Hattori. The male twin guarding the door is shoved aside and falls to the floor, but it isn't him I'm interested in.
"Yoite!"
A/N: Oh please don't hurt me. X'D
