Chapter 12
The panther stands up and sniffs the air. The scent of the human, mixed with the stink of the wound, is already fading, she must have left a while ago.
Something inside her worries and wants to follow the human.
She is not hungry. She feels rested.
She makes her way through the forest, following the familiar smell. It does not take long for the smell to grow stronger.
That's when she notices the other smells. Several unfamiliar humans. And blood.
A deep growl starts in her chest as she runs through the bushes. Her human is bleeding, and two others are trying to kill her. She jumps with an angry roar, burying her claws in the back of the closest man, tearing his skin. Her weight makes him fall forward, and she closes her jaws around his neck before jerking it up violently. She feels the bones snap.
The last human is already bleeding on the ground, but her human is weak. She watches as she falls to her knees.
When her eyes cloud and unconsciousness takes over, the strange part of herself screams.
Clarke reached out her arms and caught Lexa.
oooooooooooooo
Lexa blinked, confused by her surroundings. She was certain she had not fallen asleep here.
Frowning, she tried to remember exactly what had happened before she fell asleep. The memory hit her like a brick and she sat up suddenly, eyes closing when pain erupted in her shoulder again – and other parts of her body as well.
A hand gently pushed her back down.
''Easy. Your fever just broke.''
Her eyes shot open.
''Clarke?!'' She exclaimed.
Clarke – a human Clarke – smiled down at her.
''Hey, Lexa.''
She relaxed, no longer attempting to get up. ''But… How? I mean…''
She shook her head, confused. She had talked to the panther, brought it to a place that held memories, then abandoned it when she realized how selfish her actions were.
Clarke held a cup to her mouth. ''When you collapsed, something snapped and suddenly I was back. I had grown more... aware… over the last few days. I think I would have transformed back sooner or later, if you had stayed. And perhaps even if you did not.''
Lexa drank as the blonde explained, making a face at the bitter taste of the liquid. Why did medicine always taste so awful?
''So, you remember what happened while you were…'' She hesitated, unsure how to refer to Clarke's previous state. Should she just say panther? But it had apparently been deeper than her previous transformations…
''While I was lost in the panther's mind?'' Clarke completed.
Lexa nodded, absently noting that all of her new cuts had been wrapped in clean bandages. She had a feeling Clarke had completely exhausted the stock in her bag.
''Not exactly.'' The blonde confessed. ''I mean, I remember, but it's… strange.'' She rubbed the back of her neck. ''It always is. Panthers do not see, hear, smell or taste the way humans do. Her priorities are different too. It's just not something I can interpret correctly with a human brain. It is the same for her, she can't really understand the memories I have made as a human.''
Lexa hummed in understanding as she cautiously sat up, ignoring Clarke's reproachful look. She glanced at her injured shoulder. ''Do I want to know how bad it is?'' She asked.
She heard a huff that reminded her of the way the panther used to expel air when she settled for sleep. ''If there is one thing I recall clearly from these last two days, it is the smell of your wound. Why didn't you go see a healer?''
Lexa stared at her knees. Somehow, it was a lot harder to admit that to a human, talking Clarke. ''I was afraid I would lose you if I left. Or that you would follow me and my people would attack you.''
She saw Clarke roll her eyes and remembered something.
''Thank you.'' She said softly.
Clarke looked at her, surprised.
''You saved my life.'' She added.
Understanding dawned on Clarke's features. ''You're welcome.''
Lexa realized that, since the beginning of their conversation, Clarke had been constantly moving. Pacing, rummaging in the bag, caressing a piece of red seaweed, wriggling her hands.
''Are you okay?'' She asked, worried.
Clarke's lips twitched nervously. ''Not really.''
She hesitated, needing to ask her next question, but feeling incredibly selfish as she did. ''Are you… staying?''
She knew Clarke would understand that she meant it in more than a physical way.
The blonde's shoulders slumped as she finally sat down. ''I don't know. I feel… on edge. Like the slightest thing could push me back. It's like she is hovering just there, ready to take over again.''
Lexa swallowed. She wasn't sure what she had wanted to hear.
''Do you want her to?''
''I don't know.'' Clarke replied honestly.
She squirmed to settle more comfortably against the log, belatedly realizing that Clarke had carried her near a stream – probably to find the seaweed.
''You keep saying she.'' She remarked.
Clarke sighed. ''It's hard to explain. It's not another personality inside my head, not really. More like a different… outlook? way of thinking?'' She shook her head. ''It's like I explained, the panther perceives the world differently and has different priorities. But she is me as much as I am her.''
Lexa nodded, even though she was unsure she had understood this part.
''Clarke…'' She started, waiting for the young woman to look at her. ''I am sorry. I swear to you, I never planned to abandon you. I intended to come back as soon as my people were safe. I…''
The blonde shook her head violently. ''Lexa… Not now. Please. Not now. I don't want to think about it.''
She noticed that Clarke's whole body was trembling, her eyes pressed shut, her breathing too fast. She was fighting internally. Whether it was against her demons or the urge to transform back into a panther, Lexa did not know.
She relented in the same soft voice she had used with the panther. ''Okay. Later.''
Clarke calmed slowly and glanced at her. ''You should rest. I will keep watch. As soon as you are capable of walking again, I will take you to TonDC.''
