A/N: I'm sorry. I have no words for this chapter before you begin, really. It is the longest chapter I've ever written. Please forgive any errors as I am still without beta, and I just needed to get this up here. It contains some Norwegian translations(I tried my best), and some references to a DW Novel called the Gallifrey Chronicles by Lance Parkin. You can look up the TardisWiki page for it, but essentially it's one of the possibilities for who the Doctor's parents are. And it addresses that whole 'half human on my mother's side' comment the Eighth Doctor made. Anyway, please enjoy. And again, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry.
Chapter 11
Doom Descends
Her toes wiggled as the first sign of her waking up. She smiled as the warm feeling of home settled into her muscles and bones. She floated gently toward the door where her body began to tilt from horizontal to vertical. Then just as her toes touched the ground her eyes popped open with a swirl of brown and gold. The gold slowly receded as she neared the doorway.
She felt power. Yes, of course she had her memories, but it was mainly the raw power coursing through her. She stepped out of the zero room and the door slid shut behind her, leaving the feeling of power to abate. In the next moment she was walking, time was passing quickly. She was at the wardrobe door before the last tendrils of sparkling gold had faded from her skin. All the doors of her ship opened for her and closed after her. STARDIS knew exactly what she wanted as she wanted it. It was so useful and welcoming after centuries of finnicky behaviour and sass.
Rose found herself in front of the mirror, staring at a reflection that felt entirely foreign in its familiarness. A long, grey cardigan hung onto her shoulders, wool like material on top of a simple black cotton t-shirt and black leggings, ending in grey combat boots. There was a simple blue stone hanging from her neck, and a silver band on her right ring finger with an inlaid blue stone.
Where there had been black hair and blue eyes, there was now blonde hair and brown eyes. She raised her hand to her face and made gentle indentations in her cheek. The round face of her youth had long since passed, but even now the taut narrow thing in front of her seemed strange. Her thick brows, full lips, and high cheekbones. She scowled at her own face and watched the reflection return the expression. This was the face that had been consumed with power and destroyed universes.
She wasn't this girl anymore. Not Rose Tyler, not the Bad Wolf. Her hand dropped from her face while her other hand raised level in front of her. The two hands hovered there for a moment, one over the other as if saying goodbye to this face and those haunted brown eyes. Then she clicked the rings on her middle fingers together, twice.
Fable's whole body glowed. The hair shifted to nondescript waves of glitter and glowing, her eyes melted and gave way to molten gold covering pupil, iris, and white's. She carefully took her left index finger and thumb and used them to twist the ring on her right hand clockwise. She watched as her image in the mirror changed from the god-like thing of swirling gold mass. The ring seemingly sucking in the gold and revealing raven hair and light blue eyes. She smirked a bit, not really pleased but content.
Fable turned toward the rest of her wardrobe and away from the mirror. Laying on an armchair nearby was a grey vinyl coat, a light blue button up blouse, and high waisted black jeans.
She toed off her boots and changed quickly, then turned back to the mirror. It was… different, and not just because she had changed her clothes. Her eyes looked deeper. They didn't glow with a lightness and brevity like they once had, but now just a swirling pool of… time. Flecks of gold twinkled at her from the depths.
Without a second more wasted she strode out of the room and off towards the kitchen.
Nourishment always came before piloting. She had learned that the hard way. The thought of three days on a new planet with nothing edible in sight made her shudder. Plus… she loved food, a lot. She smiled at the thought of vegetable chicken tenders dipped in fruity yoghurt. She rounded the corner and was in the galley. Her eyes flashed with a memory of the TARDIS kitchen. It was such a sudden memory, it asauged all of her senses and knocked the wind out of her. She hadn't thought of what the TARDIS looked like in almost a millenia. She hadn't realized how similar the two kitchens looked.
It made her frown in thought. When she had first designed this space it had looked almost identical to the original TARDIS, then after a while she changed everything multiple times. Just to get away from that aching feeling. This room had once sported an exact replica of the kitchen in Monica and Rachel's apartment from Friends. Essentially… it was just the whole main room of the apartment, but that was beside the point, that look was long gone now. And yet somehow, here she stood, feeling close to a place a universe away.
Or… not quite a universe currently. Currently same universe and waiting in the library. Same ship really.
Fable heard something sizzle to life on the stove top and was surprised to find sweet chili tofu with carrots, onions, and red peppers. She swirled the pan a couple times with a spatula, then swiped a plate out of the cupboard. Moments later she was sitting in the diner style booth and munching happily on the slightly spicy dish.
Every little moment felt so monumental right now. As if it was the first time in hundreds of years she was doing something, but at the same time it was something brand new. Now, at a first glance those two feelings might feel similar, but in fact they are different. It's like… walking down the hall of your primary school for the first time since you last went there.
Now, it's brand new, every little way the building has changed, and the people too. None of the teachers or children are the same, nor the decorations. There's been quite a few renovations over the years to the point where parts of a building you once thought of as a second home have become foreign to your senses.
That was how Fable felt now. Because it had been so very long since she had been Rose, yet all the sensations had a certain familiarity. Every action she took was something she had done daily as Fable, and daily as Rose, but never as one in the same. And it was strange. The colors almost seemed to waver in their confusion. The world didn't know how to shape itself around her. She was new, and very old at the same time. This was, in fact, the closest Fable would ever come to the feelings of a regeneration.
Getting dressed, eating food, it all seemed fresh and new. Strange and different. And to top off all the weird feelings, she kept experiencing flashes of memories and deja vu. How was she ever going to maintain any type of facade around the Doctor?
His name conjured up another stirring of strange emotions and memories. Her food paused halfway to her mouth. She hadn't ever decided what to do with him, let alone what to feel. The fork, still full, dropped back down to the plate with her lost appetite. She pushed the plate away from her and dropped her face into her arms.
She thumped her head a few times for good measure. She felt like she was moving in hyper speed and slow motion all at once. Why did every damn thing she felt right now have to be a contradiction? Couldn't at least one damn thing make sense?! Every single thought smashed together in imaginary arguments over who was better, who was right, what was moral. She wanted to scream.
Somewhere on her STARDIS was the Doctor who was waiting in hope that she could return his Rose to him. But could she?
She woke up the next morning to her Doctor drawing schematics on the hotel provided notepad. There were about twenty similar ones scattered on the desk and another thirty that were crumpled on the floor. It only took her a moment to realize what he was doing.
The Doctor was drawing up plans for their TARDIS.
She smiled and propped her head up on her hand, gazing at him. He didn't appear to notice her watching at first, so she had time to let her gaze drag down his body, still not used to having him so close again. His hair looked wild from sleep and… other things. His glasses were perched on his nose as he studied his designs intently. Piecing together one of the most complicated puzzles she'd ever seen. Then he started scribbling furiously, he still hadn't noticed her gaze as it drug down his neck, appreciating every mole and freckle. Down to his bare shoulders and chest with its small spattering of curly brown hair. His torso, which is lightly sculpted with well used muscles, but also thin as a rail. Her heart rate quickened as she noticed the dark trail of hair just below his belly button and she came to the delicious realization that he was not wearing any pants.
Her eyes jumped back up to his face and met his eyes which had obviously been trained on her face as she made her exploration. Rose had been so deep in concentration she wasn't even sure when he had stopped working and started watching her. She licked her lips and let out a quiet,
"M'rning." Her voice was deep and husky so she watched his eyes darken almost imperceptibly.
"Good morning, Rose." He was smirking at her and then suddenly jumped back into the bed with her. She started giggling as the bed bounced crazily and he assailed her neck with kisses. Then he peppered her face with them. She couldn't take it anymore so she flipped them both and captured his hands above his head.
"Stop teasing me." She told him before merging their lips. They both sighed into the embrace, Rose relaxed her grip on his wrists, then he used those now free hands to stroke up and down her body. Appreciating the curves but not appreciating the sheet that was caught and tangled between them. He started kicking his legs furiously, which caused Rose to break away from his lips even if that wasn't his intention.
"Oh my goodness, what are you doing?" She laughed at the disgruntled look on his face.
"There's this-, the-, why! I can't get close enough to you! There was a sheet in the way!" His voice came out as a whine and Rose couldn't help but laugh at him again, nuzzling into his neck. He held her tightly against his chest and smiled even though she couldn't see it. Her laugh brought joy to his soul, brightening it unlike anything else had in the past two years. He loved having her like this more than he ever thought he would, nestled in his arms where he can easily run his fingers through her soft blonde tresses.
He leaned in and kissed her on the top of the head. The smell of her combined with simple domestic actions made his single heart swell. He loves her. And it made his heart beat a little faster and harder just knowing that. Almost painfully. Or maybe not almost.
Rose's fingers traced patterns on his chest when he also clutched his chest and groaned in pain. Rose sat up in response to see his face, suddenly worried.
"What is it?" She questioned, carefully tracing the furrowed lines of pain on his face. Then his face relaxed and his eyes opened.
"Nothing… just, well. Probably a human symptom or something." He said, but he can only meet her eyes once as he does. So he just knew that that wouldn't convince her. Of course when he looked back she was squinting her eyes at him.
"You don't actually know, do you." She didn't say it as a question. They both knew. So when he met her gaze head on again she started to panic inside because she could see the worry etched in his brown eyes.
"I've got a-..a-.. Faint idea. But it's not good." She was about to respond when he suddenly sat up and went off lightening fast into one of his famous ramblings.
"Did I ever tell you about the day I lost you? Probably not, since you were gone. Well anyway, I had just said goodbye… sort of. Cut-off mid transmission and tremendous pain, when suddenly there's this bride in my console room. Turns out Donna had been poisoned with huon energy for months. Anyway, I tried to take her back to the church, there were robot Santa's again and speed chases. She missed the ceremony but we went to the reception.
It was quite the party, on Christmas Day to boot. There was Donna dancing with Lance and all these people partying around me. I'm trying to mind my own business, solve the mystery. But I could barely focus with all those people, one couple in particular… He was in a brown suit and she had long blonde hair. All I could think was how I wished that was us. How I wished I had you again." Here he paused and brought his hand up to her face, and stroked the cheek tenderly. She smiled a sad smile at him, knowing exactly how he had been feeling. Her mum had thrown a party, thought it would cheer her up, being all fancy and rich with Pete. And it was great, having Mickey there, but it was more a societal thing. Pete was announcing how he'd found Jackie and they had adopted a daughter. Rose had wanted to be anywhere but there so she was relieved when Mickey finally busted her out. All those happy people had just made her more sad, she missed the Doctor in ways she hadn't even counted on.
"It's just… that feeling I had in that moment. The way my heart constricted, my throat closed. I could feel you everywhere around me but you weren't there and it hurt." He paused again and she grabbed his hand just to remind him she really was right there. "I never thought I would feel the exact opposite of that feeling. That my heart could swell and feel so full. That I would breathe so fully like I could smell the emotion in the air. That you are everywhere around me and that sensation is so beautiful." He paused again, took her face in his hands and kissed her. It was sweet and slow and sensuous. He hoped it conveyed everything he felt. Just as his heart started to speed up he pulled away.
"Rose Tyler. I love you." And Rose smiled so wide it dared to split her face. Her tongue poked out and tears dared to prick in her eyes.
"I know. You told me on the beach. And I knew before that too. Even when you hadn't said it. I've always known." Then he was kissing her again, in full force. His tongue chased hers and felt
all those amazing sensations, even after his heart sped up, he didn't stop. Only when he suddenly cried out in pain again and clutched his chest did they pull apart. Her eyes met his and it made her want to cry. He looked distant and scared and she wanted to do everything she could to take that look away.
But as she would soon learn, she couldn't.
"My body is failing Rose."
Soon after he did, he wished he hadn't told her. Because every interaction they had in those last few days were drenched in painful sadness that hadn't been present during that first morning together. That morning that had felt like the beginning of the rest of their lives. He loved her, and would give everything he had to see her happy again, even if he was in pain. But it wasn't meant to be.
The Doctor got his hands on Pete's laptop within the next hour, and he spent the next twenty-four of them working to put every single thing he knew about the TARDIS into it. Since Rose would most likely be building her alone. Then once he was done, he spent the next two coding a flash drive with letters to her. They were time released, like little hidden treasures. That way she would still have bits of him even when she had nothing. Then he secured it so she (Nor anyone else for that matter) could hack it. He needed to know that even in some small way he was taking care of her. Then he gave the flash drive to Pete and told him to only give it to her when the time was right.
About 6 hours ago his head had started to warm above normal human temperature, by now the heat was unpleasant. Old memories kept flashing to the surface and he supposed it was only a matter of time before even worse symptoms materialized.
Rose stayed by his side through all of it. The hotel room had become their little nest where the outside world dropped away so they could be with each other as much as possible before the inevitable. It was only when Rose drifted into an uneasy sleep in his lap that he would work on the flash drive.
They didn't have any visitors except Jackie who brought them food and tea. Or the few times they saw Pete. But even Jackie Tyler seemed afraid to burst their bubble. She was terrified of what would become of her daughter after but knew that this time with the Doctor would be everything to her.
Then when he was done he closed the laptop and pushed it to the side. He slid down the bed to be even with her and gather her in his arms. His Rose.
Her eyes fluttered open and met his. A sleepy smile on her face and a twinkle in her eye. The Doctor could see that for a moment she had forgotten his impending doom so he loved her all the more for it. He leaned in and swiftly captured her lips in a sweet kiss and pulled away.
"My Rose." He smirked and she just smiled her tongue touched grin.
"My Doctor." Came her cheeky reply. That was all it took to send them into another tryst of passion.
The Doctor didn't tell her how the heat in his brain was starting to cook him from the inside out, and he didn't even mention the intense pain his beating heart caused. He just wanted her, but more importantly, her to be happy and not see him in pain.
Oh how he loved her.
They had spent the next night in the local town dancing and singing karaoke tunes, if you could believe it. There wasn't even a sign of the kind of pain the Doctor was in until the next morning. He had sang Love Don't Roam and brought her up on stage with him. She had smiled and laughed and danced along to his antics. His voice was smooth and comforting to her ears, later she would find out that her mum had recorded the whole song on her camera phone.
That night they had made love, each moment punctuated with declarations and sweet kisses. Everything would have been perfect if they both couldn't feel the end coming. Then the next morning she found him passed out in the bathroom. Blood and vomit in the toilet, the red substance on his face slowly drying… but alive. She held him and cried as she cleaned him up and dressed him in his blue suit.
He woke on the bed an hour later and he knew it was coming. With what was left of his time senses he could see it. So he knew where they needed to go. Where he had always been going.
"How do you feel about a bit of hiking?" He asked Rose when she came out of the bathroom, she gave him a worried smile but squinted her eyes in confusion.
"Sounds lovely." Then she watched as he sat up on his own and she offered him her hand. He answered her with one of his brilliant smiles.
"Allons-y!" And he ran off out of the room, no looking back. Except at his radiant Rose who just laughed at his antics. She stopped suddenly and pulled him into her arms, snogged him for all he was worth and when she pulled away her eyes radiated this warmth that made even the tips of his toes tingle.
"Me too. Always." He told her, and kissed her again.
"Forever." Rose responded, then she ran off with him in tow and both their laughs chorused through the building.
They rounded corners as if something was chasing them, they slid down the bannister into the hotel lobby as if they were little kids, and they laughed and pulled at one another, trying to stop one gaining the advantage from another.
Jackie was sitting in an armchair near the cozy fire place of the quaint hotel and smiled at their antics, her book forgotten on the side table. The concierge behind the desk made to tell them off and Jackie got in his way saying, "Oi! Ron, let them be. Could be his last day on Earth that one. Ron, a very mustached man with a slight tummy, but a shorter stature than Jackie, went to say something but Jackie made a tutting sound at him. Ron gave a flustered harrumph and returned to his desk. Proud of herself Jackie turned back to her chair only to find that skinny blue suited bloke in question sitting in it. He smiled at her and waggled his eyebrows, the tips of his fingers padding together.
"Glad I'm not the only one on the receiving end of your scorn anymore. I daresay, you even just defended me to a total stranger." The Doctor said with an amused tone. Jackie just crossed her arms and rolled her eyes at him playfully.
"You're still a right idiot, and daft too... but you make her happy. I just only wish things weren't this way." Coming to sit on the arm of the chair next to him she placed her palm on his cheek and caressed it softly. The Doctor's expression had turned stormy but he placed his hand over Jackie's.
"You're right." Confusion passed through Jackie's eyes and then he clarified. "Today's the day." He laughed darkly and it made the older looking woman's heart twinge. Her eyes started to water and the Doctor stood up suddenly. Jackie stood up too, watching his face. His eyes darted to the side, out the large front windows of the hotel.
"Does she know?" Jackie asked in a quiet strained whisper, voice choked with emotion.
The Doctor nodded, swallowed and then briefly met Jackie's eyes again before saying, "She's grabbing us some breakfast." Jackie furrowed her eyes at him, and he just met her gaze head on. "I don't have to say it, she knows. The more we talk about it the worse she gets and I just- I- Oh Rassilon, I just need her to look at me like everything isn't completely falling apart." He almost broke then, the water gathering in his eyes, thinking about the Rose he was about to leave behind. A Rose in utter turmoil, falling apart. Thankfully she would have the best hands in the universe to help her put back together the pieces: Her Mother. Jackie wanted to say something, but couldn't think of what to even voice that would make this better. Nothing would, so she just nodded, swallowed and moved on.
"Well, best get to it then. Make the best of it, yeah?" The Doctor nodded, looking thankfully back at what was his almost mother-in-law, then he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small slip of paper and placed it into Jackie's hand.
"That's the probably where I'll-" He cleared his throat, and looked away for a moment, he saw Rose coming over and his heart squeezed again. So painful and tight. "She'll need you. Pete. Mickey." Jackie nodded, then was utterly surprised at the bone crushing hug she received. "Thank you." He whispered in her ear. A tear slipped down her cheek and she squeezed him back like the almost son he had become. Her chest quivered in anticipation of the pain and sorrow that would be left hanging over her little family. Then he pulled back, just as quickly as it all started, he turned to Rose with a brilliant smile and she returned it. Jackie watched in awe and wondered for the life of her why they didn't get together sooner. Before the bloody alien left a wall in between them by accident. If that would have made them happier.
But no, this was the way the universe wanted things to happen, apparently, despite it being a load of utter bollocks.
"Got you some banana bread!" Rose held the thing in front of her temptingly and the Doctor jumped forward to get it, but Rose danced just out of reach. "But you're gonna have to earn it!" She said with a laugh that was almost carefree, then she went running through the main hotel door, and the Doctor happily gave chase. God, did they love each other. And boy did Jackie hate every being in the universe that had tried to keep them apart.
Jackie looked down at the folded paper and sighed, a heavy thing full of worry and tension and...AND. There was so much yet to come, she could feel it palpable on the air like static electricity, seeking to invade her senses and shock her into a state of awareness she could never achieve. She wanted nothing more than for her baby girl to finally get her happy ending, but it was as if the universe was telling her it would be a long way off. She shook the feeling, gathered her discarded book and marched off to the hotel room she shared with Pete. They had arrangements to make for… after. She couldn't think of those things alone.
He caught up to her quickly and intertwined their fingers. Rose laughed and graced him with her tongue touched smile which made his heart flutter. The he kissed her, and quickly snatched away the plastic packaged bread. Rose broke away with a gasp of surprise.
"You're a dirty cheat!" He nodded, tore through the plastic, and was munching happily before she could try to snatch it away once more. However, after a few more chews, his face scrunched up in confusion and through a mouthful of mushy bread he said,
"Aww, this is artificial banana flavouring, isn't it?" Rose shrugged but laughed at his antics anyway as he gave a roll of his eyes then continued munching.
"Still tastes good though?" She was smiling that soft smile as she watched him chew. Her face illuminated by the cresting sunrise, she shielded her eyes with her hand. She glowed, and he marveled that she was looking at him so contentedly in the simple moment. Had he been his full Timelord self he might have worried about the domestic feeling it all gave him, but as he was now he savoured it, just like he savoured the sweet crumbly pastry as he devoured the last crumbs.
"Mmm. But not as tasty as you, Rose Tyler." He waggled his eyebrows at her. She giggled in response and smacked him lightly on the arm.
"We're in public, you know?" Her tone all mock scorn and playfulness.
"Oh, but isn't that just the best part? Because now the whole wide world can see and hear about how much…" He paused here then promptly lept up onto one of the stone walls lining the little road, "I LOVE YOU ROSE MARION TYLER!" He crowed at the top of his lungs. Rose flashed a bright red and scrambled over to him, pulling him down to her level. Of course he just smiled like the cat who got the cream, and all she could do for one frustrating moment was sputter as she caught the annoyed eyes a few stray people milling into the local grocery store and gas station. Then with a defeated sigh she pulled him in and kissed him yet again. It was playful and happy as their lips slid against each other.
His arms wrapped around her waist, pulling against the plushy fabric of her big winter coat, hers running up his chest and locking behind his neck. She hummed at the feelings and he nipped at her lips, as if he would rather them to the banana bread anyday. He tasted of cake, sweetness, bananas, and just a barely there hint of something unable, but undeniably him. She tasted of everything he would ever need in life, she was a unique and heady mix of what an old book smells like. If that could be a taste, that was Rose. Layered with something akin to happiness which was a flavour he knew was something like orange juice. He broke away from her before things got too intense, and pressed their foreheads together. Their breath mingling, forming a fog in the chilly air of late Winter. The Doctor smiled, stole one more singular kiss, then tugged her hands from his neck to hold.
"Come on now, places to explore, steps to be taken, adventure to be had." Rose nodded in response.
"You never did say, where exactly are we going?" She threw him a sideways glance, so he tugged her closer, pointing toward the horizon.
"There we are, Rose. Second star to the right, and straight on until morning!" He gestured at the sun, then at the little hill that could almost be called a mountain cresting in the distance.
"What's it called?" She asked as they started walking again, eyes trained on the sight.
"Mønstre-en-Eventyr." Of course his Norwegian was flawless and Rose rolled her eyes at it. She mulled it over though, having learned a bit of Norwegian over the last few years. Wondering was it the name, or just the pure call of adventure that had lured the Doctor to this particular location. It's not as if it was the only mountainish place around they could hike. Yet they walked steadily on, gently basking the others company and tiny ministrations. A kiss here, and gentle squeeze of the hands there. "What have you been thinking about?" He mused at her, she just shrugged.
"Nothing important really, just trying to translate the name by myself. Because, you know it sounds like Monster Event, which is very you, but I also know Norwegian isn't that direct…" Her words drifted off and she looked at him for a clue. He gave her a sad little smile and went into his 'teacher mode'.
"No, nothing to do with monsters at all. However if I had said monstre instead of Mønstre, then you would be correct. The direct translation is Pattern a Fairytale." He said this title with a waving hand of magic, and a voice of haughty privilege. Rose laughed and just shook her head.
"What on earth does that even mean?" She mused,utterly baffled by the revelation.
"Mmm, perhaps that Fairytales have a certain pattern to them? Some sort of common trend? A certain lesson to be learned? Transformation to achieve? Honestly, some Fairy Tales have better character growth than most modern novels and TV shows. Between the Brothers Grimm and all the other various and sundry lore and tall tales stemming from not just the english speaking countries, but the entire globe? The entire universe? Yeah, I'm sure if you looked there would be some sort of unifying… idea. One string to connect them all. The benevolent wizard. The last minute hero. Deus-ex-machina! Who knows?" He ended by looking down at her, seeing her face scrunched up, deep in thought. She caught him staring and gave him a look that seemed to say he hadn't quite solved it yet.
"There's something more though… because it feels like it's a hidden meaning. You know, like Dårlig Ulv Stranden, it isn't an exact translation to Bad Wolf Bay? In fact it was much more accurate to say Bad Wolf Beach… it was just when I asked a local to translate it for me, she said exactly what we first knew it as. All this tittering about trends in silly lore and whatnot just doesn't add-"
"Rose! Say what you just said again! Exactly that!" He was suddenly very alarmed, gripping Rose's biceps, staring straight into her eyes. Rose was sufficiently startled.
"Whatnot?" She asked and he shook his head
"Before that!"
"Trends 'n Lore?" She questioned, so utterly confused that her London accent came out thicker. The Doctor froze for only a second before continuing on in a cheerful manner.
"Nevermind. Not what I thought." Then he turned, grabbing her hand again and set off at a quicker pace. They were now only about a mile from the base of the mountain. The little town of Våge had passed them by and now only a few scattered country houses were around them. The Bay was to their right, the sun to their left. The day was perfect, if not crisp.
"But, Doctor-"
"Please Rose, Please. Not now." He glanced back at her, begging her to drop it, so she bit her lip and nodded. Then she pulled sharply on their joined hands and kissed him again, purposely musing his crazy brown hair even more. When they turned back to walk again they both had a slight flush to their cheeks. The wind picked up from the north, so it was hitting them square in the back. Rose skipped on ahead of him and then turned, egging him to catch up as she tossed her hair out of her face. He ran at her, picked her up around the stomach and listened in glee as she squealed with pleasure.
Then they were there, at the base of the trail. It was lined with greyish brown trees which would probably sprout new leaves again within the month. The occasional dark green pine tree dotted the horizon and the gravel crunched under their feet as they ascended. The Doctor prattled on about kinds of trees, the variations that were on other planets, and then he talked about the trees of his own planet. The silver of them, and how when the wind blew it looked like fire. All that red grass and flickering leaves creating an illusion like a mirage that was his childhood. Some metaphors were more true than others with how wispy his memories of childhood seemed at times. But once the floodgate had opened about his own, he couldn't stop it. And Rose listened, asked questions here and there, added appropriate commentary. She was a great listener and he was so glad to have found the one person in all the universes that could truly understand and love him.
He told her how he used to sleep in a shed, because the other boys made fun of him for being too sensitive. He told her about his mother, who was human, which led to him being the first Timelord born of natural conception in over twelve centuries(though he didn't know it at the time, and had always assumed he was loomed… which then led to the explanation of why Time Lords had been loomed and well… you know, once you fell down the rabbit hole). Then he told her about how he was never supposed to know about that. How they never even raised him. How he didn't really know them, he looked over at Rose and noticed her eyes shining and he cut himself off.
"I did meet them, once though." Then he swallowed thickly, stopped and turned to Rose, grabbing both her hands in his. She nodded at him to go on. "She was ginger. This beautiful, bright, ginger woman. Absolutely barmy though. Invented her own time machine in Victorian London. It's how she met my dad, and me by consequence or happenstance depending on how you look at it…"
"She was human, though, yeah?" The Doctor smiled at her, a little twinkle in his eyes. "Blimey. Well, when did you find out? That she was your mother I mean." A look of hurt crossed his face, but he didn't turn away.
"I didn't find out so much as realize it. I had this friend when I was in the Academy. Koschei we called him. He was the only person I had ever met on that stuffy old planet that wanted nearly the same things I did. Oh, and he was brilliant. Way smarter than me at school but… he went mad." The Doctor paused, remembering the last time he saw the Master. Dying in his arms, shot by the woman he let stand by his side. He blinked the memory away and turned back to Rose. She didn't need to know. "Anyway. His father, blimey he was a tough bloke. Real important man, the Castellan of Gallifrey. Boy he was brilliant, I looked up to him while I was growing up. And technically, my Tardis was his first. Before he retired her to the museum! Well, I suppose he didn't retire her… that was partially why he was so mad-"
"Doctor!" Rose interrupted, giving him an amused look. And as interested as she was to know everything, they simply didn't have the time to go over the Doctor's near thousand year history in a few hours. "What was his name?" The Doctor paused, and gave Rose the most gracious smile.
"Marnal." She smiled back at him, thankful that he had managed to slow down for a moment.
"And what does he have to do with you finding out about your parents?" The Doctor sighed and Rose squeezed her fingers around his tightly. Encouraging him.
"Well, it was a bit… wibbly wobbly. But, essentially? It was something he said, when he was dying. He didn't have any regenerations left, and he had just recovered from this terrible bout of induced amnesia. So things were… fuzzy. I told him how he was my childhood hero, and he said… He was really worried about me when I was young, but in the end he was glad I turned out just like my parents. Despite what they did to him. And well… it wasn't hard to put two and two together." The Doctor shrugged. Rose didn't know what to say, so the Doctor went on. "He didn't know… about me, when I was growing up. In fact it was because he found out what I was that they put him under that spell. They were trying to protect me. After that I guess they dropped me off at the… boy's home of sorts and made them promise never to reveal me as anything other than another one of Ullysses' loom's." They were quiet for a few minutes. The Doctor was subtly trying to catch his breath, the hike starting to feel strenuous on his weak human body.
"Don't you ever wish… that, you could have known her more?" The Doctor met Rose's eyes and stopped walking for a moment. He thought, and Rose watched all those little snippets of consideration flit across his face.
"Yes." He said simply, then he gave her a sad little smile, that spoke volumes of all the things he wished for but would never get. It made Rose's heart ache in the most hollow and horrible way. "But I think that in return, for all those sacrifices I made, consciously or not, I got something even better." Then he took their joined hands and brought them up to his heart. Single heart. That was beating unsteadily for the woman in front of him.
"I don't think I'm the equal for losing your mother." Rose said somberly. She would never have survived without her mother. She knew that. In that way the Doctor was always going to be stronger than her. As if he heard her inner musings, he continued on the quell her discomforts.
"It was different on Gallifrey, remember? Everyone was loomed. None of us had parents that actually acted like parents. So it never really seemed strange, or sad." He watched her eyes, trying to garner if she could handle some more serious words. Then he realized, it didn't matter if she could handle them. He needed to speak them, and she needed to hear them. The clock was winding down. "Do you know, I don't think this ever would have happened like this is she wasn't human? I think I needed to be half human for the metacrisis to work at all. I'm not really half human, half time lord. That's for him, the Doctor out there on the other side of that wall. I'm more… three quarters human and a quarter time lord." He stopped again, watching Rose's beautifully pensive face, wondering what the point he was about to make. "I think my life needed to happen just this way, so I could end up here. In these moments. With you. No one else but you, Rose Tyler."
Rose smiled and let out a breathy laugh as her eyes started to shine. "I can't help but hope that-" She started, but he interrupted her
"That somewhere, out there, in the vast wide multi-verse… that we got our 'happy ending'? Somewhere out there there's a completely human Rose Tyler, and a completely ex-time lord, now Human Dr. John Tyler?" Rose nodded and went on.
"And they're thinking abou' getting married? And having kids? And building their time machine together, teaching the universe a thing or two about who's protecting what. Defender's of the Earth, the Tyler's!" Rose finished valiantly, even though a tear had slipped down her cheek and her accent grew thicker with sadness. "They're happy as can be." The Doctor smiled at that, and put his hands on Rose's cheeks. Rubbed at her tear's with his thumbs and whispered,
"Aren't we happy?" To which Rose just shook her head sadly, and put her hands over his on her face. She gently pulled them down, and kissed each palm with as much sentiment as she could muster. Then she wrapped her arms around him and his went around her, but they stayed far enough back to see the other's face.
"We're sad." At that, a tear slipped down the Doctor's cheek, his very soul was crushed, thinking he had failed her in these last few days they had together. "But we've had moments of joy and ecstasy. We've loved all the minutes we could." Another crystalline drop trailing on it's way to meet the gravel. The wind made the wet tracks on their faces feel almost as cold as their hearts. But their arms were warm and soft around one another, holding all the drops in the rain cloud together by pure pressure and heat and need. "But we're sad, because it matters. Because we know that nothing happy will ever be easy. For either of us." A pained hiccuping noise rose in the Doctor's throat, like a tidal wave. He didn't deserve to cry right now. Especially not like this. When he was the one who was leaving her. His eyes squinted as the tears blurred his vision. Rose's face crumpled at the sight of his pain, but no. He didn't want that, couldn't have that. He wasn't supposed to go out like this.
But oh, was his head hot now. The pain was so blinding that it had turned cold in spots. An icy killer death. Being boiled in ice water and needles. Then his heart… it was erratic, irregular. All of that was physical though. The hardest part was the non-physical stuff, invading his senses and pretending it was real. He was grieving, for their lost future. That felt as if someone had stamped on every nerve ending in his body, trailing pains like icy fire of never coulds and never woulds firing through his synapses. He finally knew how his once human counterpart had felt at the prospect of leaving Joan. He pulled Rose in and he hugged her. He knew she could feel how his chest heaved and laboured with breath, and prayed she would assume it was about the crying, not about his deterioration. Her hug was the only thing holding him together, and he knew once she let go… it would all begin.
"Promise me something, Rose." His voice was like the crunch of gravel beneath their feet. She pulled back to look in his eyes and he kissed her, because right then he still could. It was gross, tasting slightly of snot and salt, but it was perfect because it was her. The traces of vanilla from her chapstick, or mint from her toothpaste still lingered. They pulled apart, and she looked regretfully into his eyes.
"I can't promise anything. But whatever it is, I will try. As much as I'm able to I will. But the universe tends to force me to break our promises. And I won't let it get ahold of another one." The Doctor let out a dark chuckle at that.
"Quite right, you are Rose Tyler." He brought his hand up and traced her hair out of her face, behind her ear, his fingers traveling down her neck, rubbed little circles in the soft tissue. "I need you to try to find me again. I know that right now it seems… absurd. Considering what he's done. But when we both get down to the bare bone of it, we know exactly where we both would rather be, don't we?" Rose bit her lip, and nodded. "But, even if you don't, you still need to find a way to live? And hopefully to be happy." She squeezed her eyes shut at the prospect. No matter how she felt now, which in fact was quite dreadfully like she could never be happy again, she couldn't give up. If it took her a thousand years… there was a Doctor out there… somewhere, who still loved her.
"What if it takes me too long? We both know you. You'll want to move on, for the sake of the universe if nothing else." She sought out the answer in his eyes, but instead he shrugged lightly.
"I don't know. I can't know what I'll be thinking sometime in the future. In a new body. New experiences under my belt. Different pains. Different strengths. But I do know one thing."
"What's that?"
"You. No matter what happens, I know you'll do right by you. And by me. You'll know just what to do and say." Rose saw the utter trust shining in his eyes, and she almost crumbled under it.
"But what if I change? I don't know who I'll be then either." The Doctor leaned in, kissed her forehead, as if saying that he accepted that too. He always would accept her. When he pulled back, she just nodded at him. "Okay. I promise." At that a few more tears slipped down the Doctor's face. Even after she said she wouldn't, she still did. He couldn't take it anymore, he had to see that smile again. Had to feel her radiate that sunny disposition that he loved. He thought she needed it too. So he did the cheesiest thing that came to mind. He sang.
"And I…. will always, love you…" She did laugh, a wet giggly noise that erupted across his senses. Then she attacked his face. Their lips melded together, slipping passionately. His tongue caressed her mouth and she opened it to him. Her tongue rose to play with his. It wasn't a battle so much as an embrace on every level. An utter acceptance, passion, and love. It was pure and as sad as it was, it was meant to be. She broke away and trailed down his face, under his jaw to his neck. She tasted the slight sheen of sweat and lost herself in his heady scent that was hidden just under the collar of his blue suit. He pulled her back up and kissed her again, slow and sweet. Then he kissed each cheek, each eye, across her temple, on her nose, then back to her lips again. Each kiss echoed back every promise he had ever made to her, promised her everything. "Everything." He echoed, pulling back to see her eyes, which fluttered open slowly. The pupils dilated with a need which he desperately yearned to chase.
But there it was, in the back of his head. Like a light switch teetering between off and on. A moment to spare, a moment to give. And he had been lent so many moments.
"What's everything?" She mused, a happy love struck smile on her face as she finally pulled away from him, and turned to start walking back up the path. He followed, smiling back.
"You are." She shot him the most cheeky smile and a little giggle burst out of him at the look. "You're everything." Then the famous tongue touched smile graced her features. She looked so happy, so full of life in that moment. It was time to let her go.
"Oh don't stop now. Mr. Compliment. Forget Doctor, I'll just call you Kiss Arse for the rest." He laughed and she did too.
"Yeah, well, we'll see who's kissing what when I beat you to the top." Her eyebrows raised at the challenge.
"Fine." She said, then just for good measure she leaned in and kissed him, pulling away with reluctance.
"I won't go easy on you Rose." He warned, wagging a finger at her, the action making his ribs ache.
"I said fine! On your mark, skinny boy."
"Oi! All right! Allons-y!" Then they were off.
The Doctor was in the lead, riddled with pain and desperately trying not to show it. Rose was only a breath behind him. Easily gaining and he let her. Then she was passing him, blonde hair swinging in the breeze, cheeks pink from the effort and the cold. She laughed with triumph as she passed him and it made him smile, a pleasant warm feeling in his gut. He loved her. Loving her didn't hurt. That was the only saving grace in all of this.
It was leaving her that did. He could feel the heat trickling into his optic nerves. The synapses misfiring. Black started to crowd into his vision. He tried to shove it away. He began to feel desperate, search for anything in him that would let him regenerate and stay by her side. But he was slipping. His feet were numb, his hands were flapping. His chin felt prickly and so did the back of his head. Down his neck, the feeling slipped. It wasn't slow anymore. No, it was like a ball of snow, rolling down a hill, gathering more snow as it went. But he kept her in his vision, she didn't slip, or fall. She ran with confident, strong strides. It made him happy. She was strong. She could be happy again, he knew it. Even without him. She might even find someone else.
He hoped, that if it did take her a thousand years, she would find someone else. But he really hoped it wouldn't take so long. Even if they were human. She needed someone. Not just anyone though. She needed someone to give her everything. That kind of someone to hold her hand, not someone who would ever hold her back. She didn't need someone as much as he did though. No, he changed his mind, he could take care of himself. He had to now. Or did he? He wasn't sure anymore. The air was ripping into his lungs like razor blades, and a few more haphazard tears fell down his face. All he knew was pain and that he was running. He was hot and there was a crunching sound beneath his feet, but it wasn't a steady rhythm. Or maybe his hearts was where the unsteadiness was coming from. No wonder it was unsteady, there was only one! In fact, why had he thought there was two? That would be silly. There was one, and it wasn't doing him any favours currently. Pain surged into his chest cavity. He felt it in his ribs surrounding his lungs and diaphragm.
Maybe he wasn't alone. Why did he feel alone? There was a girl in front of him. He could only see the back of her, but he just knew she was beautiful. Somewhere, it was an absent and dark place though, but in that weird somewhere, he thought he could love her. He didn't think he had time for that though. Didn't know where that thought came from either. Why was he running again? Seemed a silly thing to do when he felt so very much… not like running. Oh yes, the girl. She was running too. Maybe that was why. She probably wouldn't mind if he just...
He slipped.
.
.
.
"No Jake! Not the yellow one! That's-... No it just freezes! Yeah-... Just like that one time with the potato looking aliens, yes…..No, mate, you want the green one. Yes, I'm sure…. Look-, No. I've got it. I can mark that you took it from inventory from here...Yes! I've got my laptop, what do you think I am, stupid? I went flouncing across the very walls between universes and forgot this?... Oi! You've got a job to do, stop griping about me… Yep. Thanks. Now get it done!" With that Mickey ended the call with a prod to his phone screen and tossed it onto the musty hotel bed. Pete looked on from the rooms only easy chair with an amused smile and a silent laugh shaking his shoulders.
"Have you two considered marriage?" Pete asked, and Mickey scoffed at him. Rolling his eyes.
"Yes, but we decided the others atrocious sense of style would simply drive us to divorce. So why waste the city's time with paperwork, eh?" Pete actually laughed at that, Mickey gave a wry smile then began to pull up the Torchwood archives and add in the inventory check out. Sighing to himself he wondered why on earth Rose had insisted on such a complex system. It made the weapons and technology check out process so difficult. Just then Jackie burst in the door, phone in hand, purse slipping off her shoulder.
"I just got a call from the local sheriff. He's… collapsed and they're trying to resuscitate him. We need to-" Her voice broke off but the men were already in motion. Mickey shut the laptop and Pete set aside his own paperwork. They both put on their shoes and coats as Jackie managed to continue. "I couldn't even understand her Pete." Jackie's hands shook, and Pete reached out to hold her together as Mickey tied his laces. "H-he said to get there as soon as we can… an-and to notify anyone else." Jackie pulled back from Pete, met both of their eyes, and continued. "She needs us. And we need to do right by her. I'm not gonna let her struggle through this like I did." Images of her husband's death and the days that followed flashed in her mind's eye. Mickey saw the emotions start to take hold of Jackie so he ushered them both out of the room.
"Come on now. No time to waste." He said gently, then Pete took Jackie's hand as they set off down the hall. Everything else was a blur. Few moments stood out like a painted window frame. Specifically the feeling of that ride. It was stagnant. Pete and Jackie were tense and air was thick. It was a moment where you almost felt as if part of you would be trapped there forever. It was a type of purgatory on the mortal plane. The rush of trees and houses, the quiet of the car, the greyness of late winter starting to creep in. But the sun still shone, people still drove their cars, shopped for groceries.
Mickey sent Jake a text. Telling him it was happening. But he couldn't check the reply, he was lost to that car ride. Staring into a blank existence, praying for it to come to an end yet dreading when it would. What would they do next? How would she deal? Would she want to keep searching for a way across? Or would this be it?
Thoughts of hope and heroism floated across Mickey's mind. Maybe if the car moved a bit faster they would get there before he passed. Maybe Mickey would just somehow, by some weird twist of luck, be able to save the Doctor. He'd wave his hands over his still form and some latent powers he'd never used before would suddenly be activated under this dire need. He'd never wished anything more in his life. Not either time his grandmum died. She was old, and she'd had her time. Not like the Doctor wasn't even older, but Rose… Rose needed him. Sure she could survive without him, but she wouldn't live. She needed to live, because Rose, the real happy one that had been hidden away for so long, was so full of life to give she brought those around her to their fullest potential. She brought others to life.
But Mickey Smith had the most sordid feeling she wouldn't be able to bring the Doctor to life.
The car stopped. Pete put on the parking brake and turned off the ignition. The engine rumbled into silence, the wind whistled by the car. They were at the base of a trail head. There were 3 different police cars too. Mickey wondered if Rose had called the police. Or if… when he had collapsed… someone else had seen them.
Jackie was out of the car first, Mickey lept into action after that too. Pete trailing to catch up with them as Jackie strode straight up to the sheriff.
"I'm her mother. Where is she." The man was mildly startled, but then turned those eyes on them he had seen so many times. It was pity.
"She's over by the bay. We've got an officer watching her… just in case. She was… volatile at first but then she just got so quiet. We were worried." Jackie nodded and her eyes went in search of her daughter. Pete stepped up, a hand on Jackie's shoulder but his eyes connected with the officer.
"Is he..?" Pete couldn't voice it. The officer studied his eyes, then turned to Mickey. He simply nodded.
"The paramedics did their best, but they weren't able to revive him. I'm sorry." Here he paused, as if searching for the next words. It suddenly hit Mickey that english wasn't his first language, and he thanked their lucky stars that most Europeans learned it from a young age anyway. "They think one of the primary arteries in his heart burst. He died instantly, probably painless in the end."
"Thank you." Pete said, Mickey looked over at Jackie, she had tears rolling down her face and a hand covering her mouth as Pete turned them both away. They went off, towards where the officer had said Rose was… but Mickey stayed. He didn't know why. The sheriff gave him and inquisitive look, but Mickey was just numb. He had to call Jake, confirm to set the plans in motion. Maybe some place in the back of his head he was screaming about how unfair this all was, but he was utterly calm instead. Pain was piercing his heart in bursts, it ached for Rose. A migraine began to form. Mickey swallowed and nodded at the sheriff, then turned away. Walking after the Tylers. He needed a moment, and so did they. To be with Rose. Rose would want Jackie anyway, not him at first.
With every step closer to the water his heart seemed to beat again, but he wished it wouldn't. Cause everything hurt. Finally he allowed himself to think about how he felt. That was when the pain cascaded inside of him like a firework. But instead of sparkles and feelings of joy, he was left with wisps of smoke, held together by only the dark sky and the awe of the situation.
Mickey owed the Doctor a lot. Despite whisking his girlfriend away, and calling him by the wrong names, he set off the catalyst that would change him into the man he was now. And he was damn proud of who he was now. No longer would he cling to Rose's legs, afraid of the unknown, but he would face it with her. Proud to have the face to do it, even if the child in him still quaked from time to time. His time traveling with Rose and the Doctor, then fighting the Cyberman on his own in this world, it had hardened him. He was brave now. Rose kept him grounded and compassionate, sure. But he had everything to thank of the man in the body bag in the back of the white ambulance. Stark contrast to who he was in life, it would never fill the real picture of him. He knew that really… the Doctor wasn't actually dead. He was still off gallivanting somewhere, without a know or care in the world for what happened to Rose and his double over here. So for all it was worth, the real Doctor had ended up with him. Now he was gone. And he hadn't even gotten a full week.
The smoke dispersed and a bubble filled him, threatening to pop. It would leak up his throat, steal his voice and his vision. But no, no. He wouldn't lose it. He was strong. He unlocked his phone as he stepped onto the rocks by the beach, selected Jake's name. It barely went for a half a ring.
"It's happened. Contact the local authorities. Get it all sorted, all right?"
"Sure thing Micks. Whatever you need...Are you guys all good?"
"No."
"Got it. No other casualties though… right?" Mickey's eyes caught sight of Rose curled up on the beach, face pressed into her knees, Jackie's form lumped onto to the side of her. Rose's shoulders visibly shaking them both.
"It hurts. But We'll make it, I hope. I don't know if I'll be able to contact you again but thank you. We should see you in a few days."
"Right yeah. Hey Mickey?"
"Yeah Jake?"
"I'm sorry, ya know. I know he meant...a lot…. Tell Rose I'm sorry too. We're all just so damn sorry." Mickey nodded at the sentiment, even though Jake couldn't hear him. Tears started to leak down his face, and in a way it felt good. He hastily wiped his face and stopped walking about 30 feet from the little family.
"Thanks." Then the call was over, the phone back in his pocket, and Mickey Smith starred on forlornly at nothing. He hurt, all over. It felt like the smoke had take over his joint now, like he was held together so loosely someone could just come and blow him over. There was one resounding thought echoing in his head: this wasn't how it was supposed to be.
He approached Rose and lobbed himself onto the side Jackie wasn't holding. Rose was crying, wailing almost, hiccuping. It made him feel worse, but he didn't cry anymore, just held her and kissed her head. Nothing in the world could make this better right now. Only the eventual march of time would make this pain slightly more distant with each passing day.
He supposed he better start counting the minutes now.
A/N Cont: (Please feel free to NOT read all of this, and just leave some feedback! I would love to hear from you all, and will respond to you in turn.) I have been messing with this chapter for months, and I finally came to the point where I was absolutely done with fiddling, and knew no matter what I did it was never going to be perfect. This is hands down the hardest thing I've ever had to bring myself to write. So, I would love feed back but please be kind as it comes from a really personal place. You know I love you all dearly, and I love these two dearly so just know that I won't let them suffer forever. But I also am trying to bring a semblance of reality to this dysfunctional fictional world. Some of you may wonder why I wrote the end of the chapter from Mickey's point of view... and I wish I knew really why too. I think... eventually, when she's ready... Rose is gonna share what it was like for her, that moment. But for now... these 'flashbacks' to Rose's life right after the Doctor left her again, are more than just Rose's point of view. Because even though this story is VERY Doctor/Rose centric, we're eventually gonna be seeing a lot more characters that aren't them. Also, yes I know Mickey technically stayed in the Prime Universe after Journey's End, but as I hinted at in my story, we kinda broke into an alternate universe. Rose having been altered by Bad Wolf more than was ever shown in canon, Mickey is the only one who knows the extent of that. So he couldn't leave her yet. That's also why the Doctor and Rose were talking about, somewhere they got their happy ending. I have to firmly believe that they are completely happy, smitten little things in canon. I can't bare the thought of anything else.
Anyway, if you wanna come bug me on tumblr to keep updating my user is 4nticipati0n. (or on twitter SeralinaLyn) Please feel free to pester me with motivation. The next chapters should flow a bit easier, but this one was just so hard.
And if anyone of you would be interested in beta-ing this story, please DM me!
Thank you all again, from the bottom of my heart. I never thought I would find so much of a home in writing fanfiction.
Thank you.
Seralina
