Entry 12:

"Do you want me to drive you to school?" you ask as I am getting ready for work.

"Don't you have to go to work?" I stare into the bathroom mirror. I am confused.

"I'm taking the day off," you reply from the bedroom. "You said the 'Check Engine' light came on the other day. I thought I'd take it to the auto parts store and have them run a diagnostic," you explain.

"Oh." I am still confused.

"There's a Pep Boys at the end of Spring Hill Drive; that's near your school, right?"

I don't know whether to be more irritated that you are taking another day off from work that you didn't even tell me about or that you still don't really know where my school is after I've worked there for seven years.

"Um, no, not really," I say. "Not at all, actually."

"Ok," you reply. "I'll drive you to work and then take it to the store."

I follow you into the kitchen, suspicious. "I have to DJ the Valentine's Dance after school tonight. Are you going to want to drive all the way back to pick me up?"

"Yeah, that's fine."

I shake my head in disbelief; this is so out of character for you: you offering to drive out of your way, you coming to the school, you not arguing with me about staying late.

I try once more. "The store is nowhere near my school. It's about halfway between here and school, actually. It's not going to save you any time."

"I'll take you."

"Um...ok. Well, I need to leave in about 20 minutes."

And I walk back to the bathroom to finish my makeup, wondering what is really going on.

Twenty minutes later we are in the car and I am texting Aram. 'He offered to drive me to school. He never does shit like this. This is weird.'

'Aw, he wants to spend time with you!'

'Yeah, no I don't think so. I actually think this has very little to do with me.'

'Well, just ask him.'

'I already know what he's going to say and it's just going to hurt my feelings, so why should I bother? Why do that to myself?'

As we are pulling into the parking lot, I give you directions to drop me off at the door closest to my classroom. I remind you to pick me up at 6:30 after the dance at the front of the school. On an impulse, I ask if you want to come in for coffee before classes start; I notice that you have left yours at home.

You refuse, saying you want to get to the store right when they open; you have suddenly realized that it is farther away than you thought. I am stung with dual pangs of anger and pain: you have not listened again AND you are again putting something else before me. Seriously, you can't take five minutes to have a cup of coffee?

I turn to you as I am climbing out of the car. And suddenly, I am saying the words that I didn't want to say, I am asking you the thing that I already know the answer to.

"So...why did you want to drive me to work?" And foolishly, I am begging in my mind that you will say the words I long to hear because I am so starved for affection from you. Say you wanted to spend time with me. Please. Say you missed me.

"I dunno," you laugh goofily. "I really thought your school was closer to the store."

And I whisper goodbye and close the door. I knew it.