Valadium

Chapter XII

He could feel her mounting frustration, and somewhere in the back of his mind, he almost felt sorry for her. He certainly did not envy her situation, and the bigger inu sent his thanks to the Kami for being born as he was. "You must focus. I will not repeat myself again, Amazon."

Sesshomaru watched as one eye slit open to glare at him, "Would it hurt you to call me by my given name?"

"Hn, you learning to master your jaki has no consequence on what this Sesshomaru calls you." He replied; gold eyes bore into her as the demon Lord stood across from the smaller inu. "Use your frustration to force the power and fight it into submission. You control it. Not the other way around, else you become nothing more than a puppet."

The raven haired demoness closed her eyes again at the sound of his voice, and he watched as the cold winds of her demonic power flowed from her being, crashing into him with the force of a tidal wave. "You are not preparing to battle, miko." He grunted, controlling his urge to kill the threat she innocently presented, and absently referred back to her outdated title. "You want to use your jaki to ascend to the sky. Slow the current and manipulate it into something that could physically assist you in achieving your goal."

"Like stepping stones?" He didn't deign the question with an answer, and she assumed that his silence was as close to a yes as she would get. Mentally, Kagome twisted her fingers around the cold, blue winds, allowing only a thin stream to escape her.

Sesshomaru watched as perspiration beaded on her temples, and her slender nostrils flared as she lightly bared her teeth to the night, emitting a snorting growl. Lithe muscles tensed in a wave across her shoulders and down her back, consequently making her stomach tighten and ripple. Mentally he sighed.

She would fail…again.

How long had they been doing this now? Ah, yes, ten nights. Barely two weeks ago, he had offered his proposition and she had accepted before going back to her pack. The first night he had called her to him to begin her lessons Sesshomaru had been dismayed at the presence of another being who turned out to be none other than his half-blood, half-brother. He had been interested not only that the hanyou was running around half naked, but of the markings that scored his back, face, ears and sword arm. When the Daiyoukai had finished examining the boy, he had been surprised to see the Amazon baring her teeth and growling at him. That was when he had caught the scent; the aroma of a lushness mixed with spiced vanilla coming from the very details on the half-breed's skin. She had marked him as hers. Sesshomaru would have almost said it was a slave bond, but it didn't smell right, it was too warm, like affection. But it was what it was.

Of course it had only taken a few seconds to discern this new bond between the former miko and his half-brother. Then he had opened his mouth and out came the thing that made his night painful. "Slave, Inuyasha? This Sesshomaru thought you would have made it a point to move up in the world. Not fall harder."

Never would he address the punk again, not if it meant he had to face a certain pissed off, barely five foot three, blue-eyed, Amazon demoness. He had managed to limp proudly from the clearing that night. Who would have thought the girl was very much protective of the slaved hanyou? Definitely not the Western Lord. Sesshomaru had left them with a newfound respect for the girl and her underhanded techniques. If only he had listened to his Lord father when he was a pup; Sesshomaru had never understood the reason the great demon would get a wary gleam in his eyes when he spoke of their Amazon cousins.

Now he knew.

A lot of yelling and a lot of shaking.

Needless to say, Sesshomaru would not be making that mistake again. He had overstepped his bounds and the girl had made sure he'd known it. Violently. Might he retract the statement he had made when he'd said the girl was sweet? Surely he had not been meaning that bitch.

Sesshomaru inwardly chuckled. Yes that had been an experience he didn't want to have again. It was the first time in a long time that someone had been able to wound his pride; not to mention his body. But instead of retaliating, he had let it go. Besides, didn't he do something of the same to her not too long before that? As the far westerners say, 'it was an eye for an eye.'

'Or a hip, knee cap and a pound of flesh for a stolen kill and braid of hair.' Sesshomaru grimaced to himself. Faintly, he could feel the new pink skin and re-grown muscles of his right thigh, along with his hip, pulse in past agony. The demon lord swore his left knee wobbled in remembrance, too. 'What the girl lacks in experience she makes up for with shear ferocity and flexibility known only to the Gods.'

Sesshomaru could have stopped her. But he didn't want to kill her, and her death would have been the only way she would have ceased her attacks. However, he had been completely stunned by her force and technique. Toga had not been joking when he had told him that an attacking Amazon was a beautiful but fear inducing show.

The sound of his name brought the Daiyoukai from his thoughts. He turned the full force of his golden eyes to her.

Kagome sighed. "Isn't there some other way for me to learn how to do this?"

"Are you giving up, Amazon?" Sesshomaru questioned with a glare of his maroon lidded eyes.

A growl from the hanyou echoed in the background as delicate brows furrowed. "No. I'm not. It's just," she ran a hand through her bangs before reaching back and playing with a furred ear, "we've been at this for over a week and I still can't get a hold on how to harness my jaki. Can't we move on to another method, sensei?"

Sesshomaru cocked an eyebrow at her title for him, and felt his lips curve into a small smirk as he heard the hanyou choke from across the clearing. But he understood her frustration. Taking a step towards the smaller inu, the Daiyoukai relaxed his posture slightly, bending his head toward her as he lowered and softened his voice, "It took this Sesshomaru until my fourth spring to completely control what would have taken other pups less than a year. Sire and Mother said it was because of the mixing of an inu Daiyoukai and the raw energy of an Amazon that made it difficult to contain and flex at will."

"So, you're like really fuckin' powerful." Kagome looked at him with wide eyes. "Why did you let me hurt you the other day?"

He narrowed his eyes and replied tightly, "You surprised this Sesshomaru." The wonder in her glacial orbs was a little humbling to the great lord. "Take it as a compliment, Amazon. There are not many who can receive credit for taking me off guard."

Kagome grinned at him, obviously pleased with her accomplishment.

"However, control is the most important thing in a youkai's life. If you cannot master it through this, then you will never have it. Therefore your life will be forfeit somewhere in the future should you not be able to contain yourself."

At his words, the former priestess boldly met his eyes. In those cold yellow eyes, she could see the promise of her death should she not learn his lesson. 'But I can understand that. He's the Lord of all these lands; an Emperor who actually takes care of his responsibilities. Sesshomaru would kill me to keep the people who live in Nippon safe.' She nodded, affirming her knowledge of his duties, before pursing her lips. 'But I still don't think he has any real morals.'

Seeing her confidant nod, Sesshomaru straightened and stepped back, taking his original place across the clearing from her. "Again, Amazon."

Kagome quelled the urge to groan and closed her eyes before taking a few deep breathes.

* * * *

"Stupid dog…of all the damn things…fucking slave driver…"

Ryoto looked up from polishing the dainty demon bone and dragon scale armor that belonged to his daughter only to watch said demoness mumble to herself as she dragged herself into the camp. Gold eyes flicked from the raven head of the Amazon to the face of his former hanyou son. Seeing the boy shrug and frown before leaping into the tree above a sleeping Kikyou, Ryoto turned his attention back to Kagome.

"Is there something bothering you, pup?" he finally asked after she sat down beside him, glowering into the distance, off into the direction she had come from.

Baby blue demon eyes turned to the elder inu. Kagome grumbled for a moment longer before sighing, "I'm—" She seemed to pause for a moment before shaking her head and offering a small smile, "No, not really. I'm just being a grouch, I suppose."

He chuckled, "At least you can admit it, my daughter." Something felt off. Glancing at her again, he watched as she stared into the flames of the camp fire, lips pulled into a thin line. Her aura was subdued, something he had noticed as of late, and the layers closest to her were tainted in flashes of a deep black. Carefully he beckoned the girl-pup to his side as he set the armor away. "Come to me, Kagome."

Curiosity sparked in the former mortal. Looking around, she made sure everyone was sleeping before doing as her sire commanded. What she didn't expect was to be pulled into his lap and into his arms, her cheek pressed to the side of his chest.

"Now," Ryoto started, a clawed hand unraveled his pup's bound hair and he struggled to keep his body relaxed as he pet the extremely shortened locks, "tell me what is wrong."

Kagome let the tension in her muscles wash away at the larger inu's acceptance of her cut pride. Breathing deep, she inhaled his scent of moonflowers and vanilla, feeling the warmth of his affection and love. The demoness clutched his haori as she felt his aura tap at hers and sink deep; tasting the turmoil she had kept for the last eight months. "Poppa…" Her voice quiet and strained.

The Daiyoukai distantly felt the prickling in the back of his eyes as he let her sadness and pain and feelings of inadequacy crash down on him. How had she been hiding this? Surely his pup was a much better actress than any of her pack gave her credit for. Ryoto glanced around, before easily picking up his charge and taking a short leap away from the camp and settling down at the base of another tree, hugging the kuro inu to him.

Ryoto was horrified.

How could he not have felt this? She pushed it so deep into herself and left it there, letting the feelings boil and gather. He had thought she had gotten over her transformation. There had been no sign of her denial; how could there been? She had taken on a large pack! 'No, she took to her duties; she did not deny what she was. She just couldn't accept what she is.' He gazed down at the tiny pup curled into his arms; the scent of tears she dared not to shed tingled in the back of his throat. 'She still can't accept it, not in her heart. And if she can't do that, then she'll always have pain.'

He had to fix it. Not because it was his duty—Damnit! He was her father! His chest tightened at the thought of her sorrow and anguish. "Baby girl…oh, my baby girl." Ryoto wanted to say something, say anything to help her. But it was all he could do to whisper to her, letting her know that he was with her. He had no idea how broke she was on the inside. But she hadn't been like this as a child, growing up on her shrine home. That he knew. No, it had begun as she traveled with Inuyasha and had continued on through the years and only compounded with her change and the rules and duties that had fallen on her shoulders. What was supposed to be a blessing had come out as a mess for the small woman.

Suddenly, the petite warmth in his arms wretched away from him and Ryoto didn't say anything. It wasn't his place. If she wanted to let it out, he would let her. And he knew that she desperately needed to tell someone. Seeing as she did not have a mate, he would have to comfort her as only a father could.

For many moments she stood there in silence, her back turned to him as she stared out into the forest. Her breathing calm and controlled, unbound hip-length locks made her look like their hanyou's raven twin from behind. "It first started when I broke the Shikon."

Ryoto strained to hear her quiet words, wanting to know what could have his strong girl-pup so internally dejected.

"I saw it as my duty to put it back together, so I decided to travel with Inuyasha to do so. It wasn't actually until Shippo and Miroku joined us that I started to believe his words. Kikyou would never miss. Kikyou's prettier. Kikyou wouldn't get herself captured. Kikyou's smarter. Kikyou's the better miko. Kikyou's the better woman."

Kagome took a deep breath, scenting the area and completely disregarding the now familiar scent of cinnamon and burning cedar. 'Let him see me like this. There is nothing to gain from it, and nothing to loose. Keh, between the two of them, they have taken everything from me. Inuyasha tore me down for the past five years. Let Sesshomaru do his worst.' The former miko thought, eyes carefully blank.

"It wasn't easy to keep the group from trying to kill each other at first. If Inuyasha wasn't trying to beat up Shippo, then he was growling at Miroku for his womanizing, or trying to pick a fight with Sango. Miroku, of course, would fondle Sango or me at any chance he got. It took a while to convince Sango that it was just the way the monk was. And then Shippo…I was fifteen, and trying to raise a demon child who was in all probability decades older than myself.

Many times I felt my humanity. Many times I felt my mortality. But I saw it as a test. Yes, a test. I had to care for these people, tend to their wounds that were both physical and emotional, because they had no one else left to do so. So in addition to finding the Shikon shards, I was raising Shippo, being sister and supporter to Sango and Miroku, emotional punching bag and best friend to Inuyasha. I tried my best to stand by each of their sides, because lets face it: I was no good in battle. Sure over the years my aim with the bow and arrow improved, but I was useless. Useless…"

Ryoto cringed at how she used the term like a curse, and wielded it better than any foul word the silver-white hanyou could ever spew.

"I tried not to be selfish. It wasn't my place. So over the years I went home less and less, until Miroku and Sango ganged up on Inuyasha, telling him that I needed my education so that when I finished my quest here, I could have a place back in my world. I appreciated their help. Kami, did I appreciate it. They allowed me to reconnect with my family, reassure my mom that I was alive and well, and let me care for my family as I struggled to succeed because they gave me the chance.

So I graduated. Honors and privileges to go to any university I wished because of the track scholarship I had worked hard to get. I even did track because it would help here. It wasn't easy learning how to run, but I had decided that if I could wonder Feudal Nihon and fight demons, that I could run track. Many times at those meets, I imagined that I was running for my life; something that I was well aware of doing, something that other people had never done before.

But it wasn't meant to be. I was never meant to stay there. It was just by chance that I convinced the group to move, get a head on the path while he was out with his Kikyou. I was so proud that we had past Inuyasha's expectations for the day and I thought he'd at least be less grumpy than usual. I realize now that I just wanted to be given a compliment. Just once, at least. I knew that he could never see me as Kagome, simply Kagome, and I knew that while he cared for me, he could not give me the love that I wanted. And I was okay with that. It wasn't my place to fight for it. Instead I forced the love I had for him into affection and fondness. But it was that night we had camped, feeling his aura as he came upon us I knew that I wouldn't get that compliment I had been looking for.

He burst into the clearing, and I had never known pain like I did that night. But I was so mad. So mad I couldn't see straight. I couldn't feel the wounds on my face nor the broken cheek bone, couldn't feel my broken pelvis, couldn't feel any of the fractured ribs or my fractured skull. But I did feel the burning in my chest. I'm not sure how I moved from the clearing, but the only thing I could think of was how dare he hit me? How dare he attack me? Was I not a good enough friend over these years? Did I not make enough sacrifices?

I don't remember much of the battle with Tacheal, my real sire. But I do remember how warm it was; like he was licking the wounds of my soul. It didn't work, but it was the thought that counted. I remember I was floating, it wasn't until later that I would figure it out to be the corridor in my soul that houses my beasts. But I was there, surrounded by the warmth and comfort of what I was becoming, unknowingly making a connection to my demons, when I felt a sudden distress."

He was captured in her story, because it was exactly the one he knew. It made his own beast wail in agony, knowing that she did not make any embellishments to it. Topaz eyes watched as the raven inu turned around, finally bringing them face-to-face.

Breath would not come.

Her eyes burned with a fire he had never seen before, her body loose and languid, yet thrumming with energy that was beyond inhuman.

"I was overcome with the need to protect and keep safe. I knew that, for some reason, there was something that I needed to do, something that would take my all because my body wasn't ready yet. Instinctively, I knew." Kagome closed her eyes, letting her memory surge over her senses, remembering the heat and the tightness and the victory of protecting what was hers to keep. "It wasn't until later, after having you by my side as my father and my teacher, after coming to terms that I couldn't take back what had happened, that I couldn't let go of being demon, that I knew I had at least one answer to my questions. Did I not make enough sacrifices?"

The Amazon laughed humorlessly. "The answer is no. No, because there can never be enough sacrifices. I gave up my time for them. I gave up my blood family for them. I gave up my opportunities for them. I gave up my humanity and mortality for them. Because it was the right thing for them. I can give more to them than I can to anyone else.

And now I have given up my pride for them, by allowing Sesshomaru to manipulate me into a position that he could take care of his own purposes because it would also take care of one of mine. It was humiliating…" she whispered, lifting a hand to study the delicate joints and fingers, "to admit that I am full grown, but am a child. To admit that I cannot protect my pack, the only family I have left, to the best of my abilities. To admit that I cannot do what even a pup can do."

That was the cherry on the cake. She had endured much in the near six years, but to be presented with the actual fact that she lacked brought all of her human scars into the light. This was where her feelings of inadequacy were spawning from. She was being forced to finally accept the words that had been slung carelessly at her, and it was damaging her youkai mind worse than it did her mortal one.

This was something far more difficult than the lesson he had tried desperately to teach his former sons. She had already learned it, and she succeeded at it better than even he when he had been Toga. To protect was something that youkai needed to learn, but there was no lesson that Kagome had to be taught. She had learned the need to protect as a human, only to have it strengthen as a demon. The petite inu had also learned sacrifice. Oh, had she learned. No, what Kagome needed was something much simpler: love and understanding. Something Ryoto feared she would not receive for a long time; not in the way she needed it. And he felt his heart ache at the knowledge as he watched her look towards the sky, her form silent, as her sorrow fell back into her. The only thing that would help her now would be what Sesshomaru could teach her, and the elder Daiyoukai prayed that it would start the ball rolling to take everyone to their destiny.

* * * *

Ebony strands slipped through his fingers easily, wrapping around the long threads with a fondness he was sure he did not hold nor that he was sure his hands possessed; hands that had seen too many battles to count, and inflicted more pain than he could remember. Yet he sat, carefully holding onto the length of hair that still retained warmth that was otherworldly, caressing the thick, sweet smelling locks with the pads of his fingers and the tips of his claws. Distantly, he wondered if petting the living pride would be just as good as petting the dead one.

Pride.

Gold eyes slowly fell from the sky to the braided length in his hands. Yes, he had her pride, she said so herself. She gave her pride up to him, it was sitting innocently coiled in his hands; the green ribbon gleamed darkly in the moonlight, and soothed his soul. It dawned on him that here he held a piece of her; a piece of her that no one else would get, aside from her pack.

She had given him a small part of her.

A sacrifice.

'Too many sacrifices,' He thought, oddly distant from his thought processes, 'and yet, not enough. Not enough for those you protect, Amazon. But you protect many, do you not?' Narrow eyes widened at that thought.

How many did she protect in truth? Thinking realistically, did she not have the best interest of all beings in Nippon by taking the best fighters of all factions— a priest, a miko, a taijiya, a hanyou, and the most terrible and great demon of his time—as pack? She was ensuring the safety of the whole land. And she had manipulated this from the beginning without thought.

Sesshomaru felt the air leave his lungs as if he had endured a sharp punch to his chest. He turned back to the tail of Amazon hair. She was doing what he was responsible for, had been responsible for, for the last six decades. And she was doing it without thought. As he smoothed his fingers over the soft strands, he recalled his words to her earlier this evening. In all actuality, he had threatened her, and all she had done was nod and fought to learn basic control of her jaki; fought to learn his lesson.

The strange creature known as Kagome, however, had control. It was just a different brand than the one he or any other demon knew of. It was the complete hold she had on her own fate and those around her, and she knew when to let go of that hold and when to tighten her grip. Just because she could not do things that even pups could, Sesshomaru found that it was not something to hold against her. She was powerful without doing all the fancy things, and she relied on her physical abilities rather than her demon magicks. That was respectable, because the silver inu knew that once she mastered control over her jaki, she would be eligible of Daiyoukai status, something even the Cardinal Taiyoukai would not shake a stick at. For some reason, Sesshomaru found anticipation coiling in his stomach, for what reason he didn't know; perhaps because he sought companionship from another Daiyoukai. One who was not keeping their identity a secret?

"Companionship…" Topaz eyes caressed the heated braid, and inhaled the vanilla scent again as he tasted the word on his lips. Was that his interest in the girl? Truthfully…he didn't know.

~*~

Author's Note: Hey guys, I'm SO FRICKING SORRY!!! I didn't realize just how far behind the story was here on good ole Fanfiction(dot)net. Anyhow, if I get any more reviews I get you guys caught up!