Hi y'all!
Most of y'all wanted this to be posted asap, so obviously I went ahead and did that but I do wanna let y'all know it might be a while (2 weeks or so) till the next chapter is up. So please bare with me, while I try to balance school and home life.
I know shadowdapple and a few others want me to fix things between Rose and Dimitri soon. I will but not as soon as y'all would like, so again just bare with me. I think y'all are gonna like the manner in which they find their way back to each other. Just know the goal was always have them come back together but as everyone knows, every couple has their up's and down's.
Again please enjoy!
Chapter 40
The following days were the worst, the only things that got me through my pain was my angel and my training. They helped me keep moving on, even though I felt like a zombie.. just going through the motions.
An angelic voice broke my train of thought.
"Mommy.." said Kady innocently.
"Yes angel?" I said sweetly as I masked my pain.
"Are you okay? You've been really quiet and you're never quiet." she said in wonder.
I giggled a little, even my angel knew something was wrong. How could a young child pick up on something that others have missed..
"Yes angel, mommy just has a few things on her mind… but don't worry angel. I'll be fine." I said as I tried to reassure her.
"O-kay mommy.." she said with a hint of doubt.
Changing the subject as we grew closer to the daycare.
"Are you excited to play with your friends today?" I asked trying to sound enthusiastic.
"Yeah! I can't wait to see Julian and tell her about Harley!" she yelled in excitement.
"I am glad." I said with a smile.
Before we reached the door to the daycare, I sunk down to look her in the eyes.
"I know mommy usually spends time with you when she doesn't have to work but I have to do a few things. But mommy promises she'll make it up to you. Okay angel?" I said as I looked at her with loving eyes.
"Okay mommy, I love you." she said as she gave me a warm hug.
"I love you too angel. Now get inside before you're late." I said warmly.
"Okay!" she said as she hopped inside as I followed her to check her in.
As soon as I was done, I headed towards the track. I had changed into my usual gym clothes this morning. But as I got closer to the track, I started to question my decision.
I usually welcomed the extra time I could spend with Kady but I couldn't let her see me like this.
I needed to be my normal self, whatever that meant.
I stretched a bit and concentrated on my breathing before I tried to run my worries away. I then grabbed my ipod from my pocket, put my earbuds in and put it on shuffle.
I just started running..
The song 'I hate you, I love you' by gnash popped on first.
Feeling used
But I'm
Still missing you
And I can't
See the end of this
Just wanna feel your kiss
Against my lips
And now all this time
Is passing by
But I still can't seem to tell you why
It hurts me every time I see you
Realize how much I need you
How simple words could cause me so much pain, I've made so many mistakes..
Tears started to come down..
I hate you, I love you,
I hate that I love you
Don't want to but I can't put nobody else above you
Oh how I hated him, how I hate his ability to break me into a million little pieces again… yet no matter how hard I tried I would never be able to stop loving him. I love him, I love him.
I hate you, I love you,
I hate that I want you
You want her, you need her
And I'll never be her
Dimitri was right.. his words were stuck on replay from that night..
I'll never be her. I'll never be the girl he needs, I was never the girl he thought I was. I was just trying to live up to his expectations of me, I was just trying to be that girl that filled his eyes of joy... he's in love with... a fantasy version of me...
My thoughts broken by a figure in the distance.
I could see a person coming up the track out of the corner of my eye, I tried to recompose myself before they could reach me. As I saw them get closer, I started to recognize the figure.. I saw that it was Eddie as I came to a halt.
"Hey Eddie.." I said gently.
"Hey.. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.." he said as searched my face for some kind of emotion.
"You've seem kind out of it yet not.. You do the job the same but that fight I see in you, I haven't seen it since that night." he said cautiously.
I knew exactly what night Eddie was referring to, that night where my whole world came crashing down. The only things that saved me from myself destruction was my Kady and Lissa, I don't know what I would've done if i had lost either one of them that night.
I thought careful of Eddie's words before I spoke.
"I'm.. I'm just still processing it all Eddie. Don't worry." I said while I gave him a fake smile.
"You can't fool me Rose, remember? ...I know you too well. You can try and lie to everyone else but we've been through a lot for you not to trust me. I won't judge you, you know that." he said with a frustrated tone.
I was stunned at Eddie's words, I can't ever remember a time when he pushed me to talk further. Eddie usually left things alone.
"I'm just.. I'm still worried about Kady." I said knowing it was only half of the truth.
"No Rose, cut the crap!" he said sharply.
I took a step back, my eyes widened.
"Kady is important to all of us but you would of used what happened to her to fuel you, to make sure no one could hurt her again." he barked.
"I-, I-" I stuttered.
"Rose.. I've seen you angry, I've seen the way you put it into every fiber of your being.." he said sternly.
"I saw it when Mason died.." he said softly as he looked down at the ground.
Oh Mason.. how I missed you more now. You were my partner in crime.. you would of loved Kady.
Eddie then stared me straight in the eye.
"But you're just moping. Something else is going on." he said in a concerned tone.
I don't understand when he got so good at reading me. I usually have to worry about Lissa.. but I never thought Eddie would catch on before she did.
I knew I couldn't lie to Eddie, not when he could obviously tell something was wrong.
"Um.. well, I've just had a hard time with Dimitri. It's been tough since he found out Kady was his and it has been a hard adjustment for us." I said as calmly as I could while trying to hide my feelings.
"There's more to it Rose. I know it." he stated.
I started to feel the tears come back, Eddie started to search my face for another hint.
"Did he do something Rose?" he asked with concern. I could see his mind searching for an answer.
"...Did he hurt you?!" he asked baffled as he tried to control his anger.
"No! It's just been tough. He obviously got upset about not knowing that he was Kady's father, in the spur of the moment he just pinned me to the wall." I said rapidly.
Shit. I just slipped up..
"Don't worry about it." I said quickly, hoping Eddie missed the slip up.
"He did what?! He had no right to touch you, not after the way he left you!" he yelled enraged.
Fuck.
"Eddie calm down! It's over, it's done. Part of it was my fault for not telling him sooner." I said as i tried to calm him down.
I didn't want to know how he would react if he knew the rest, I could never take that chance with anyone.
"How can you say that?!" he hissed.
In that inopportune moment Dimitri appeared.
As soon as Eddie's eyes saw Dimitri at the edge of the track, he started furiously running towards him. I tried to catch up to him but his anger seem to fuel him and before I could reach him..
Eddie swung at Dimitri.
"How dare you?!" yelled at Dimitri as he took another swung at him.
Dimitri was stunned but blocked his punch.
"What are you talking about Eddie?" he said confused.
Dimitri wasn't one to be caught by surprise but he seemed to be distracted when Eddie hit him. When he saw me, his face changed. He knew whatever Eddie's problem was it involved me.
Eddie swung again, landing on Dimitri's side. Dimitri showed minor signs of pain, which meant it hurt more than he was willing to admit.
Dimitri swung at Eddie causing him to tumble to the ground. As Eddie started to get up, I saw him spit some blood onto the concrete.
I ran to him.
"Eddie! Stop! Your bleeding!" I said concerned as I tried to help him.
"Stay out of it Rose!" he barked at me as he pushed me away.
"Listen to her Eddie." Dimitri said calmly.
I glared at him.
"You stay out of it Dimitri!" I hissed.
I grabbed Eddie shoulder with force and pulled him towards me.
I can't believe he reacted like this..
"Let's go Eddie! I yelled angrily.
"You and me, Belikov. Friday. In the gym." said Eddie as I pulled him away from Dimitri.
"Be ready!" He yelled as I continued to dragged him further away.
As soon as I thought we were far enough from Dimitri, I turned to face Eddie.
"What the hell Eddie! What did you do that for?!" I said angrily, my blood was boiling.
"Don't tell me you still care about him after everything that happened?!" he said with fury.
I looked away from Eddie, knowing that would confirm his question.
"Are you serious Rose?!" he said in astonishment as he tried to contain his anger.
I saw his hands turn into fists.
He walked a few steps away from me before he turned back to face me and tightened his fists.
"Why? After everything he did to you?! Then this?!" he asked angrily.
I saw the anger rise again when it dawned on him.
"...Do you love him still?!" he said in disbelief.
I simply nodded and I saw all that anger turn into disbelief.
"I'm.. sorry Eddie. No matter how hard I try to stop.. I can't.." I said defeatedly as I looked away from his eyes.
"I know that I will love him till my last breathe.." I said as I whispered this sad truth.
A truth that would haunt me till my last moments.
Eddie turned away from me.
"..Wow.." he whispered.
Eddie looked at me with something I had never seen before, pity.
He looked away before he sighed.
"I need some time to think.." said Eddie as he walked away.
What am I going to do?
I hope you liked this chapter! What are y'all's thoughts? Do you think Eddie had a right to react that way?
I'd love to hear your thoughts!
Love,
Si.
