Author's Note: A very warm thank you to all of you. I appreciate every review, follow, favorite and private messages. A special thanks to Roni for the Beta work and lontanissima!
Chapter 12
Hold On
The sound of thunder and rain splattering against the window woke Abby from uneasy rest. Sleep hadn't come quickly during the night as she listened to Sharon crying in bed. She stiffened as a flash of light shined through the blinds and counted just as she used to do years ago. Seven seconds before the thunder sounded and Abby cringed. As a girl her chubby body curled into Sharon's slender frame during nightly thunderstorms. Even as an adult it startled her awake and kept her from sleeping. It reminded her of those unsettling stormy nights when the wooden floors creaked, the wind howled and the flash of lightning illuminated the skies. Once married, Michael would seek her, hold her through the night to help her feel comfort. It was no longer fear, but it brought on some restlessness. She opened her eyes and could see her sister sleeping, she was not surprised the rain hadn't woken her. Rain was comfort for Sharon. Their parents shared stories of her spinning in it, coming home muddy from splashing around in puddles.
Where had that young girl gone? It had to be still living within her sister. Abby was sure of it. She could see it whenever they were together and reminisced. But that playfulness and innocence was hidden so deep, the rest of the world was blind to it. The days spent in LA showed her plenty of her sister's life. Her team respected her, they weren't indifferent, but not friends either. Rusty loved her, but she was his mother. The friends Abigail had met years ago had vanished along with the rest of her past. With Jack. Even if she hated admitting it, Sharon was very lonely. Decades ago her sister had purposefully withdrawn from everyone, refusing to put anyone else she loved in risk of being hurt from her foul-mouthed drunk of a husband. It was the first wall she built to keep people out. But most importantly to shield her children from seeing the other side of their father. Those years which Sharon diluted or simply refused to speak of hid another piece of her. The fun, the exuberant and young dreamer. Jack had stolen so much from her. Abigail hated him for it. A painful smile reached her lips at the thought of the one person who had refused to walk away. Andy.
There was a soft clatter inside the house that caught her attention. Looking at the clock she realized it was not as early as she presumed. She was careful as she pulled the blankets aside, hoping Sharon wouldn't wake. She had laid in bed with her and listened to the shaky breaths; by the way she sniffled into her pillow even after the crying had subsided she knew her sister hadn't fallen asleep. Silence and space was what she had asked for and Abby couldn't deny her that. Even if she hated giving her too much, knowing she would use it to withdraw. Pulling the sweatshirt over her shirt, she carefully made her way to the kitchen.
Rusty was up cooking breakfast just like she came accustomed to every Saturday morning. He greeted her with a warm smile. Her eyes drifted to the unusual sight of the stove top covered in pans. When she gave him a questioning glare, he explained.
"I know you said no eggs or bacon, unless it was just the whites and faken, so I bought both." He held up the containers for proof. Abby smiled forgetting the thunder and lightning illuminating the sky outside. The frying and soft sizzling sound bringing back more pleasant memories. "Although it doesn't look very appealing," he scrunched up his face in a way that amused her and she let out a warm laugh, he smiled, but it disappeared with a more uncertain look. "So I made the real stuff for Sharon and I." He pointed over all the pans with the spatula in his hand, then continued with his previous task.
Abby smiled at the boy. She loved Emily and Ricky, treasured them, cared for them as her own children. Rusty had stolen a piece of her heart in the couple of weeks she had spent living in the condo. There was something special about him. He was reserved, careful to disclose too much about his personal life, but was accepting of love when he trusted the giver. It made her cheerful to know that she was on that list. Her hope was to slowly open those gates, pull down those walls and embrace him just as she could her other nieces and nephews. She accepted the fact that he saw her as Sharon's cool sister and perhaps a friend. Most importantly it was obvious that he had kept her sister company, possibly when she needed it most.
"Thanks, honey." She looked out the window and sighed when the thunder sounded louder than before. "You didn't have to go out of your way." She rubbed his back gently.
He looked timid before shrugging his shoulders and flipping her egg white omelet. "It was nothing." He hesitated for a moment. Without looking up he continued nervously, "I heard Sharon crying last night," It was twice in a row and it angered him thinking Andy had something to do with it. He flinched at the memories of his biological mother being hurt by all the men in her life. He thought Andy was different? He trusted him. "Is she okay?" He asked instead.
Abby froze for a moment before she imagined everything that he could possibly be thinking. Sharon had told her the bare minimum about his life, but she could make her own conclusions. She frowned hating the thought of him recalling haunting memories. Then she understood why he hadn't been up when she made it home. He didn't want Sharon to know he was listening. She cleared her throat as she walked to the cupboard and pulled out a glass.
"She will be." Abby answered honestly, because no, she wasn't alright. What had happened exactly? She wasn't sure, but knowing Andy and Sharon, they had both said something to protect the other. To defend the friendship that meant so much to them. They were both too careful and afraid to lose one another. And Rusty deserved to know the truth. "I actually thought you could help me." She said quickly as she served herself some water.
Besides hurting as she listened to her sister crying, she had gone over a very extensive list of plans in her head, trying to find ways to get them to talk. To fix the problem. It was obvious that just seeing each other at work would not motivate them. Despite the determination in Sharon's eyes, she had come home crying. Sobbing. Leaving it up to the two of them would take an eternity.
Rusty looked at the glint of mischief in her eyes, hidden behind a warm and hopeful smile. "Oh, no. I don't want Sharon to get upset…" He started. The thought of helping Andy fix his mistakes also made him anxious. If he was hurting Sharon, then maybe he didn't deserve her.
Abby shook her head. "Rusty, I'll deal with Sharon, I need you to help me with Andy."
The boy looked at this woman who was so alike his adoptive mother, yet so distinctively different. They were both beautiful, inside and out. He knew Sharon to be silly and outgoing at times, but it was as if she held it in. Like her tough exterior was her protector, had become her shell to hide inside of. And he could connect with that so well. He could also see in Sharon's eyes how she watched Andy with such warmth and excitement, yearning for something, he wasn't sure what. Maybe helping Abigail would keep his mother from hiding and being in pain.
"Did he hurt her?" Abby was caught off guard for a moment, but quickly shook her head.
"Honey, they are just misunderstanding each other." Rusty glared at her suspiciously. She however did not back down. Andy may have made mistakes, but he had also filled an empty space in Sharon's life. "Believe me, Rusty, if he had hurt her intentionally in any way, I'd be the first to go after him." She kept her gaze serious. She could see it was important for him. Abuse of any kind wasn't something he would ever allow and she needed to show him that she wouldn't tolerate it either. He nodded once, looking satisfied with the answer. Abby waited, not wanting to pressure him into doing something he was uncomfortable with.
The rain threatened with a loud strike. Abby closed her eyes, hating that it made her so uncomfortable. She watched the grey clouds outside grow heavier. The storm wasn't going to lighten any time soon.
Rusty wanted to ask, does she love him? But he already knew the answer to the question. Did he love her? He was too afraid to hear that. Yes or no, he wasn't ready to know. He placed her food on a plate handing it to her and looking at her tentatively.
"What do I have to do?" He saw Abby's shoulders relax and she exhaled as she tilted her head to the table. He followed her and listened to her with caution but with an open mind.
His mother deserved to be happy.
Sharon opened her eyes as soon as Abby left the room. She wasn't ready for questions and wasn't in the mood for talking to anyone. The sound of the trickling on the window made her close her eyes again, it relaxed her uneasiness even if it didn't stop her mind from spinning. The thought of Andy being indifferent with her made every part of her hurt. She had been through this before. With Jack. He had left her feeling lonely and desperate for company so many years ago. This time, however, there was nothing to distract herself with. No children to protect and raise, no debt to pull herself out of, no new job. Nothing to help her forget. The pain was also significantly different. Jack had pushed, ran and closed himself off to her, to their family. She had done it this time, she had taken Jack's role. Andy had been with her, fought for them, waited. Her eyes opened at the startling realization. She pushed up, the sudden pressure to her chest excruciating. Her feet touched the cold floor and she trembled at the contrast in temperature. When had she become her ex-husband? Her breaths were shallow.
She slid down the corner of the bed and sat on the cold floor, her back against it as she tried to control her breathing. Her eyes closed once again and she inhaled with the sound of the wind. Deep breaths. It helped, slightly. She pressed a clammy hand against her chest and felt like releasing a sob. There was a time when she hated Jack for everything he did to her - perhaps the circumstances were significantly different, but she had treated Andy the same way. She had flirted, been playful, accepted dates, but when it had turned real, she'd pushed him back. Now he was stepping away before she could hurt him all over again.
The door opened and she felt her sister's hesitance before she moved towards her and sat beside her. Abby's fingers laced with hers and she squeezed her hand tightly. Her breathing shook as she inhaled.
"Shari?" Sharon shook her head letting her know she didn't want to talk about it. Abby pulled her chin to face her and gave her a warm smile. "You're not breathing." She exhaled the breath she didn't know she was holding and nodded when her sister took a deep breath with her. "Is the bed all of a sudden too comfortable?" Abigail teased.
Sharon smiled, grateful for her trying to lighten the mood. "Too high." She responded.
Abby chuckled, laying her head back against the mattress. It was silent for a few minutes, both of them cherishing the company. "I have to make a trip." Her voice was hesitant and a bit too careful for Sharon's likeness.
"Today?" The shock was evident.
"For the weekend, to New York." Abby nodded, but wasn't looking at her, staring up at the ceiling instead, where the rain was coming down at a gentle trickle. "I don't want to leave you." Her voice was soft and held so much more Sharon knew she wanted to say, but limited herself.
Her instant reaction was, "I'll be fine." However, it sounded too cold and harsh, so she squeezed Abby's hand and smiled warmly when their eyes met. "I mean, I know you always answer your phone. I'll call you, if I need you, I promise." Her eyes glazed over. Abby smiled when her sister's voice was heartfelt. "Hey, it means I get my bed back." Sharon said playfully. Abby bumped her shoulder. Then rested her head on it and watched as Sharon rubbed her thumb across her knuckles. "You know I love having you here, right?" Her voice was on the verge of tears. She didn't have to look at Abigail to know she was beaming. "You could come live in LA with me. Rusty will probably move out in a few years. We can buy a house, or stay here." Although playful, her words were also genuine.
"What, like spinsters?" Abby chuckled.
"Yes, but much more sophisticated." Sharon concluded.
Abby snorted making Sharon do the same and they laughed freely for a few minutes. The younger brunette returned to her sister's side, hugged her arm and sighed. "I hate the rain."
"I know," Sharon turned and kissed the top of her head, her fingers running through her sister's hair soothingly. It wasn't the rain in particular, it was the lightning. She hated it since she had been a young girl after it had struck the tree in their front yard. They had just climbed down from the tree house when only seconds later the ground had shaken beneath them. Abby didn't remember that day - their playhouse catching fire and falling down - Sharon knew she had blocked it out and built this fear around it. "You still going to fly in it?" Abby nodded with a long sigh. "You can wait till this afternoon, it should clear up."
"Can I take your son with me?"
Sharon frowned confused. "Excuse me?"
"Look, when I told," she hesitated using his name. "When I told Andy I was having a hard time finding someone to publish, he recommended Rusty." Sharon's eyebrow shot up in surprise. Abby sat up and looked at her. "I saw his blog and honey, he's going places." She smiled.
"I know." Sharon voiced proudly.
"A friend is in New York, just for this weekend. I know the creative writing world, so I'm not the best person to give my nephew advice on journalism, but John is. I want to surprise Rusty. What do you say?"
Sharon contemplated it. She trusted Abby, knew it was being done with love. She wanted the best for her niece and nephews, but Rusty didn't accept gifts easily.
"If he says yes, I won't argue."
She wished Abby could have had children of her own. They would have been the most loved and cared for little boys and gilrs in the world. She had motherly instincts, was protective and nurturing. She could make anyone feel calm in her company. Rusty was a show of it. Adoption had been contemplated many times, but she always said Michael was her better half. She couldn't do it without him. When he passed away, no one ever talked about it again, not even Abigail. Her brother's and Sharon's children became her focus, she channeled all of her strength into them and now the bonding couldn't be stronger. They all loved her like a second mother.
Abby smiled brightly pushing off the ground. She grunted as her knees popped, sometimes she forgot she was not so young anymore. Sharon laughed, taking her hand as Abby helped her up. "I don't want you to be cooped up here though." The younger sister exclaimed.
Sharon shook her head, "I have paperwork." She didn't want to talk about it. Not about Andy or she would break down and she couldn't do that - not again.
"No!" Abby said with determination making Sharon jump back after being startled. "I took the liberty of booking you a room far far away from here and your work." Sharon opened her mouth to protest, but Abby held up a hand. "It's in the mountains, there is a spa, nature, stars. You'll love it. And it's my treat." She turned away to start making the bed.
Sharon watched her, there was something else. She knew her sister.
"I could get called in." She mumbled half-heartedly. There were responsibilities she had to attend to, even though they were the last thing on her mind.
Abby smiled triumphantly not letting Sharon see it. She had her, she could hear the curiosity in her voice.
"Well, with sirens you could be back in twenty." Abby shrugged pulling the comforter up as her sister did the other side.
Sharon sighed, there was a file waiting for her in her office. So much she had brought home to work on. "Abby, really, I don't…"
Her sister shot up showing her exasperation, hands on her hips. "Then I will cancel my trip." Abby said quickly knowing she wouldn't let Rusty lose this opportunity. Her children had always been her weakness. "I'm not going to leave you here feeling alone and…"
"Alright, I'll go!" Sharon held up her hands at her sides. "You can be so dramatic sometimes." Abby threw a pillow at her as she bit her bottom lip in order to keep from grinning and giving herself away.
She had no choice. Abby helped her pack her bags, getting away felt strange but also liberating. It would give her time to clear her mind and come up with a plan to approach Andy. Put her apologies in order and build up her courage to call him. She hoped it was not too late. The words, the way he expressed himself so frigidly in the breakroom, it still frightened her. Was he truly moving on? Did it really mean nothing? Did he really see their kiss as a mistake? If he turned her down, she could accept it, despite the agony it would be causing her. She planned to do everything to keep their friendship intact.
The rain had settled as she drove to the hotel, only sprinkling lightly against her window seal. Upon arriving she was surprised it was not what she expected, yet she wasn't disappointed. The location was beautiful, halfway up the mountain hidden behind a forest of green. She wondered where Abby had gotten the idea of sending her there, it would never be a place her sister would visit. When she checked in at the front desk, her eyes wandered over the other guests. There were no families with children, it was intimate and quiet. Sharon swallowed, bowing her head when she felt stares linger upon her. It was a resort for couples and she was the only person who was there alone. She smiled as the porter took her single bag, she had the urge to tell him she could do it herself. But it was just another way to differentiate herself amongst the others. She frowned when he walked out of the building and guided her down a path. Deeper into the tress. He pointed out the various actives that she and her husband could entertain themselves with during their stay.
Then a soft sound made her forget everything else. She could hear a stream not far from where they were. The birds were chirping in delight from the few minutes of sunshine. The air was fresh, crisp. Her body was relaxed as they turned and just several steps ahead a group of cabins appeared. She loved Abby. It reminded her of the small house where they would go fishing as children. Now she understood why her sister had chosen this place. It was simply beautiful.
The cabin was small, but the space was open. There were no walls separating the rooms. She tipped the man as he set he bag down and thanked him. She exhaled a long breath as she looked around, it was basic but breathtaking. A queen sized bed with a hand carved, wooden headboard, a loveseat, television hidden behind cabinets. The kitchen was small, but overlooked the spectacular view of the city down below. She took a moment to enjoy it. Abby knew her well, it was definitely a place she could retreat in.
The fire place was ready to be lit, it was a little cottage perfect to share in company. Ironically made for two. Company. She sighed. There was only one person she could see herself spending time with in a place so intimate - Andy. A small spark of courage took over and she pulled out her phone. She needed to talk to him, to hear his voice. She should have driven to him and not isolated herself again. He would have made her tea and listened to her patiently. She lifted the phone to her ear and frowned when it beeped. There was no service. Of course.
The ringing telephone startled her out of her thoughts, she walked over to the hotel phone set on the end of the couch on a wooden side table.
"Hello." She answered a bit deflated.
"Ma'am, do you still want to have the six o'clock dinner at the hotel restaurant? We are simply calling to confirm."
Sharon frowned confused, looking at her watch. Abby must have placed reservations.
"Mrs. O'Dwyer, are you there? We can have it delivered to your room, if you prefer."
"Yes, I apologize." She went over her limited wardrobe in her mind, none of it was appropriate for dinner, especially alone at the restaurant. "The cabin will be better," she said quickly. The call ended and she looked around. What was she supposed to do now? She almost called them back and told them to give her a table, however being in a room full of people didn't interest her. She heard the rain start again and closed her eyes.
Andy.
She thought of Abby, her flight and how scared she must be. The excitement Rusty had shown when he was told who he was meeting. The pride in her heart was more then she could ever show him. They'd be visiting her daughter Emily - she hadn't seen her since Christmas. She thought of her work, of everything else, but it all came back to him. She kept distancing herself and wasting time. The loud sound of thunder startled her out of her thoughts. Staying put would be best till the rain settled. She walked to the only enclosed room and smiled when she saw a bathtub. It was small and quaint, but the perfect size for her. She quickly started the water for a soak, returning to her bag on the foot of the bed.
She looked out the window as the rainfall sounded heavily.
The door opening startled her and she moved over to it with caution. The keys jingled as her hand landed on the knob. Her heart skipped a beat when her eyes met familiar brown ones.
Andy was sitting at home and watching a game with Provenza keeping him company - more like eating his food - while Patrice was out of town. He preferred being alone, but knew the old man had to be lonely to have shown up unannounced.
He looked up as Provenza walked back into the room after taking a phone call. "Yeah, kid, I will." Andy frowned, he only called one person kid. He hung up and took his seat on the couch with a frown.
"Who was that? Rusty?" Andy pushed off his recliner. "Is Sharon alright?" He heard his own voice betray him. "Well, are they?" Provenza shook his head running his hands over his face and sighing deeply.
It seemed Andy had nothing other on his mind but the Captain, Sharon. Where he once refused and hated the idea of them dating, he had grown to accept it. Patrice was the reason. To find love in the person you least expect. He couldn't judge his friend. However, he was suffering from rejection. It was making the poor man paranoid.
"You know, she's your girlfriend. How the hell am I supposed to know how she is?" Provenza shot at him frustrated. All Andy had done was sigh and mope around. Louie was tired and irritated. They looked at each other and Provenza pushed up pulling that damned annoying toothpick out of his friend's mouth and tossed it on the coffee table.
"Hey!" Andy spat.
"Yes, hey!" Provenza puffed out his chest. "What the hell are you doing?" He pointed at him looking disheveled. "You don't need that damn thing anymore." He motioned to the toothpick. "If you're not going to fight for her, then get your damn head out of your ass."
He had seen Andy on the edge, so close to falling back into his addiction, seen him struggle through health issues, try and fight for his family. Seeing him fall apart over the woman he loved was both pathetic and heartbreaking. He would never say it out loud, but his friend deserved more than being treated as a fallback or a second choice.
Andy clenched his jaw. "I tried fighting."
"Then move on." Provenza said quickly. "But now, no more wallowing or whatever the hell this is. You have responsibilities - if you mess up again, no one is going to be on the other end helping you anymore. Your kids are in your life again." Andy looked at the mess his usually tidy apartment was in and sighed. He was reverting to old habits. The thought sent a chill through him. He wouldn't lose his children again. Provenza interjected his thoughts. "Look, Patrice takes me to this cabin."
"Cabin?" Andy glared at him in disbelief and confusion.
"You know, to relax." Andy rolled his eyes at the insinuation. "We had a room for this weekend, but she had this family trip. Go." Provenza waved in his general direction.
"Excuse me?"
"Take the weekend, get in touch with nature or whatever the hell it is you need to do. I'm getting out of this dump, you're beginning to smell." Andy stood still in the middle of the room. "Flynn?" Provenza turned and faced him again. A serious and angry expression on his face. "If you don't go, don't dare show up Monday morning. Not like this." He had been so distracted it was showing in his work, but more alarming was that seeing Sharon before he solved his problems could bring serious consequences. Even if he could be hard and grumpy, he didn't want to see him going down a devastating path.
Andy watched him close the door behind him and sighed. All he had left was his work and his adult children. If Sharon only wanted to be his friend, that's what he would do. Provenza was right, besides having to grow the courage to fight for Sharon, he need to find the strength to fight for himself. He hurried after the man only to catch him walking down the hall.
He called after him. "Provenza, what's the address." Getting away from everything that reminded him of her was the first step.
"Andy?" She finally breathed out.
"Sharon?" He shook his head not understanding.
They both looked equally confused. His dampened hand ran over his wet face trying to get it dry, but to no avail. His posture stiffened when she offered a warm but anxious smile. Her hands were being wrung out in front of her, but she wasn't looking away.
