Chapter 12 – If It Doesn't Exist, You Can't Fix It.

It was about four o'clock by the time Booth and Olwyn arrived back at the former's apartment. The little girl hadn't run out of steam just yet, eagerly exploring her 'Daddy's house' for the first time. Of course her attention was immediately drawn by the large collection of DVDs that lined the shelf below Booth's widescreen.

"Monsters!" She exclaimed, obviously recognising a film. Booth hurried over, not sure if she was afraid or not. She fumbled to remove the case from the shelf, presenting the film "Monsters, Inc." to him.

"It's okay, it's just a film." He tried to reassure her.

"I know I know we can watch!" Ah, she wasn't afraid. Of course. "Kitty!" He smirked. So Brennan hadn't deprived their kid of television, after all. They had two hours left before she would show up to collect Olwyn, precisely on time at six. Might as well make the most of it.

"Okay, we watch." He took the film from her with a smile, crouching down to switch the DVD player on and insert the disc. She clapped happily, running over to the sofa and clambering up as best she could. She required a bit of a leg-up from Booth when he was finished setting up the TV for the film.

She snuggled right up to him as the film came on. She was such a loving little girl. There was so much about her that was Brennan all over, but he had to wonder where her open heart came from. He hoped it wouldn't fade away like her mother's.

It wasn't long before the energy left the two of them, and they were dozing off half way through the film. Olwyn went first, although she tried to stay awake for a bit. Once she was out, it didn't take Booth too long to nod off too. They were a picture of peace and contentedness. Too bad the image didn't reflect reality.

As Booth had predicted, Brennan arrived two minutes after the clock struck six. She didn't like to keep people waiting, though perhaps in this instance she could have afforded to be 'rude'.

She rang the doorbell tentatively. Memories were flooding back to her, and that would only get worse once she entered the apartment.

Inside, the sound of the doorbell knocked Booth out of his slumber immediately. Thankfully, Olwyn didn't even stir. He gently lay her down on the sofa, against a cushion, and tip-toed out to the hallway and over to the door.

He knew Brennan was on the other side, and he knew that she'd probably heard him approaching, but he hesitated to open it still. Their last encounter had been so heated; he'd cooled down now. His more rational mind was telling him to just talk to her, but his heart wasn't quite there yet. Perpetuating the tension wasn't going to get him anywhere, but it sure felt good to let all his emotions towards her out. Well, some of them. Others were probably never going to see the light of day as far as she was concerned.

Eventually, he reached for the doorknob and twisted it open. It took a moment for their eyes to meet. When they did, shivers ran through their spines. It was all Brennan could do not to let the floodgates in her eyes burst open once again. Booth didn't know what to say.

"Come in." He mumbled. She nodded slightly and obliged. He pushed the door to the living room open and Brennan smiled through her strained features. Booth had forgot to switch off the TV, which was running the menu screen of the DVD on an endless loop.

"She loves that film." Brennan said quietly, not staring at the screen but rather at her – their – sleeping daughter.

"She recognised it straight away on the shelf."

"Of course." She smiled again. "You must have had a good day, it takes a lot to tire her out."

"Yeah, we did a lot." He didn't elaborate. Olwyn would end up giving her chapter and verse on it all anyway.

"I feel bad waking her." She thought aloud.

"You don't have to yet, if you don't want to." She turned to him, a little confused. "I mean, do you want some coffee or something?" He didn't know what was making him reach out to her like that, but something felt right about it. She was equally puzzled by the gesture.

"Um, okay." She followed him out of the room through to the kitchen. She didn't need his guidance to get there – she'd walked between those two rooms more times than she could remember.

Maybe it was her subconscious, or merely a habit, but upon entering the kitchen, Brennan found herself immediately sitting down in the same seat she always sat in before. Booth noticed this too, but neither said anything about it.

Neither was sure how to feel. It was a familiar but altogether strange feeling, to be upset by fond memories. Normally one would expect to derive comfort or happiness from remembering good times, but neither liked to be reminded of the good times they'd shared. Shame filled Brennan when she remembered, anger overcame Booth. It was sad, but they'd almost become bad memories.

Nevertheless, Booth allowed his memories to give him an excuse not to ask another question. He made the coffee and added a small drop of milk to Brennan's mug, before placing it in front of her. He hoped her taste hadn't changed in the last three years. If it had, it was her problem.

She lifted the mug to her lips, sipping the coffee and smiling a little. She liked that she still didn't have to tell Booth how she liked her coffee.

She placed the mug back in front of her, watching convection currents swirl the coffee around. Eventually she raised her head to meet Booth's eyes. He couldn't take them off her, as much as he have liked to be disgusted at her presence.

"I'm sorry, Booth." She blurted out. He turned his head away slightly.

"Better be." He didn't mean to say that.

"I don't expect you to ever forgive me, I did a stupid, horrible thing." A tear slid down her cheek, falling into the mug her head was bent over.

"You bet you did." He sighed. "But I wouldn't say never." She looked up again.

"What?"

"I know you didn't actually say 'never', but it would be stupid of me to never forgive you. It'll take time. I'm not there yet." He remained stern, to make sure the message got across.

"I understand. That's more than I could have expected." She smiled a little, but solemnly all the same.

"It'd be for Olwyn, not for you. She deserves more than to have her parents fighting all the time."

"Of course." She nodded. "She didn't do anything."

"Exactly." He took another sip of his coffee.

"I didn't mean to hurt you." She looked into his eyes, and he turned away again.

"You did."

"But I didn't mean to. It wasn't intentional." Her voice broke a little.

"But you still did." He almost spat, bitterly.

"Does it not make a difference that I was trying to spare your feelings?"

"Not really. I mean, since when have you been the best judge of emotional situations, Brennan?"

"I wish you wouldn't call me that." She said, almost silently.

"You're lucky I call you anything at all." He sighed.

"What happened to us, Booth?" She couldn't stop her tears now. Everything was just spilling out.

"You're asking me?" He said, incredulously. "Brennan, you happened."

"There is no 'us' without me."

"There never was an 'us'." He snapped. "There was 'you' and there was 'me' but there was never 'us'."

"Why?" She choked out.

"I don't know, Brennan. Maybe there could have been. Maybe there almost was. But you ruined any chance of that ever happening when you had my kid on the other side of the Atlantic."

Tears were streaming down her face. Why did everything have to be so awful? Why did she have to be such an idiot?

"Why can't we fix it?" She pleaded.

"It was never there to begin with."

"If it was never there, it was never broken, and therefore it can still happen."

"Not everything has to make sense! Logic isn't everything!" He shouted. "This was a mistake. This was all a mistake. I wish you'd never come into my life. You have ruined everything for me! Now I have one kid living in another state, and another living on another continent! How do you think I feel about that?"

She was silent. Seconds later, they heard the pitter patter of little feet approaching the kitchen. Olwyn pushed the door open, rubbing her eyes.

"Daddy why you sad?" She asked, innocently, before noticing Brennan across the table from him. "Mommy! No crying!" She ran over to her mother's chair. Brennan lifted her onto her lap and held her close.

"It's okay sweetheart. No one is sad."

"Then why cry?" She asked, concerned.

"Because I'm silly, that's why." She forced a smile for her daughter's benefit. Olwyn giggled.

"You are silly Mommy!" She smiled, nuzzling her head into her chest. There was something about her warmth that calmed Brennan down significantly. Booth remained silent as he watched their exchange.

"Okay, we're going to go now, sweetie." She stood up, shifting Olwyn in her arms.

"No I no want leave! Daddy!" She pointed at Booth.

"You'll see Daddy…tomorrow?" Booth nodded. She turned to speak to him. "I have to meet Angela tomorrow, can I drop her here around midday?"

"No problem." He nodded. It was difficult to shake off the resurgence of anger towards her, but for the sake of their child he had to. They all began to walk toward the front door.

"Okay, we'll see you then." She said, again with a forced smile. Olwyn seemed to be oblivious once more to the tension. Or at least they hoped she was. "Say bye bye to Daddy Olwyn!" Olwyn raised her little hand to wave as Booth opened the door.

"Bye bye Daddy. Love you." She said, smiling brightly.

"Bye bye honey." He stroked her cheek with his hand. "See you tomorrow."

"Tomorrow." She repeatedly, slowly. It was a big word, even for her.

Brennan nodded at Booth, and they left without another word.

A/N – Ugh I apologise once again for the horrid amount of time between chapters. Life has been quite busy in the last few months, plus getting time to write this has been hampered by my blog (La Vie En Ross), which I'm writing for every day this year…

But I'm on holidays in France now so hopefully I'll get time to write a few more chapters

Reviews would be extremely welcome!