The scent of smoke still clung in the air, making it impossible for me to rest. Every time I tried to close my eyes I was awoken by the noises from outside. People talking in hushed tones or wailing from the set of hastily pitched tents which housed the civilians, and cries from the medical block. I sighed miserably, rolling myself over on the side of my unhurt arm. It throbbed uncomfortably but no longer ached. I had been able to remove the metal on my own and had waited until the general panic had settled down before I went to Athena for aid.
She had been very busy, and so had Lucius. There had been many casualties- about thirty-seven, and the medical block had overflowed. A few of the barrack blocks closest to the medical building had been cleared out to make room. She had managed to give me a quick lathering of poultice on my wound and had wrapped it up before returning to her other patients. I had wanted to check in on Lucios, but there had just been too much commotion. Athena had promised me that I could see him later when everything was settled. I had also asked her for news on Marcus, to which she had told me he would survive. I was happy to hear that.
Besides myself, the only person in the barrack with me was Anthonius. His block had been spread out and given to other rooms, with Anthonius being assigned to mine. It did not bother me. He was good company. Especially since he was mostly silent, having suffered a sore throat due to smoke inhalation. Kaius was not in the room with us. Octavius had summoned all of his surviving and capable officers to the headquarters. I guess they were discussing what was to be done with the city.
I could think of a few issues that needed addressing, ignoring the obvious fact that our city had been destroyed. The last available space in the city was the fort, which was already crammed to the brim. Within a few days' time, we would surely run out of food. We had already been placed on half rations, and there no one knew of anywhere that had a ready food supply. There was also the matter of medical supplies, which were running low. The clean up of the city was probably being discussed. There would be debris to clean away, and bodies to be cremated.
Great, I thought to myself with a sight. More smoke in my lungs.
I rolled myself onto my back and stared up at the ceiling. I closed my eyes, picturing the burst that had started the fire. I could think of nothing natural that could have caused such a disaster. No force on Earth could possibly be strong enough to wrought such destruction. Everything had seemed to play against us, including the wind. As much as I tried, I could not even begin to decipher what could have done it. I groaned in a mixture of annoyance and frustration, slamming my head against my pillow. Thinking was useless.
I sat up at the sound of coughing from the other side of the room and turned my head to see Anthonius, who was busy hacking up a lung. I let my feet hang over the edge of my bunk, and kicked forlornly at the open air. He began to stir, coughing painfully as he rolled onto his stomach. He had taken residence on the bottom bed of the second bunk. The top one, I had concluded, was to be saved for Lucios. When he returned to active duty.
"What...what time is it?" Anthonius groaned, lifting his head so his chin rested on his pillow. "It feels like I have been asleep for seven years."
"Just enough time for you to grow some chest hair," I joked.
Anthonius glared at me but made no attempt to challenge me back. "My throat hurts," He complained.
I rolled my eyes. "Boy, you are going to hurt for a long time if you keep talking. The more you speak, the worse your throat will feel. Is that what you want?"
He shook his head, unfazed by my baitings. "No. But I am bored."
"Boredom is not all that bad." I persisted bluntly. "It gives you time to think."
"To think," Anthonius repeated an enlightened tone in his voice. He shifted himself on his bed, folding his arms behind his head, his tangled mop of hair falling over his hands. He closed his eyes for a moment, a grim look on his face. He then sighed, and opened his eyes again. "I cannot think."
"You are trying to hard," I explained. "You must calm yourself, and lay back like this-" I laid back on my bunk, putting my good arm under my head. "Once you are comfortable, you softly close your eyes, and then, when you just think."
"I still do not get it," Anthonius whined. "You think to solve a problem...I do not have a problem to solve."
I sighed and shook my head at the naive boy. "The mind is a wonderful gift, Anthonius. You do not have to have a problem in order to think. You can think with a creative touch- create something. You can think of an image, or of some deep inner thought. Do you understand that?"
Anthonius was still for a moment, a thoughtful look on his face. He opened his mouth, then shook his head. "No," He said simply.
I did not try to explain further. I was not prepared to battle stupidity at the moment. I suppose I could not blame Anthonius for his foolish mind. He was of the aristocratic breed, who spoke the language of deceit and money. He would probably never understand it.
"You know," Anthonius said, his voice croaking painfully. "I have not met a man like you before."
I frowned. "What do you mean by that?"
"You do not look down on me," Anthonius said with a smile. "I mean, you are not the kindest man, but you treat me like an equal. People have always talked to me like I was a god. I never got to do anything on my own, or even really have an opinion. I was expected to agree with what Father said. But you did not hesitate to speak to me like I was a man."
I shrugged. "It is better to learn your place young, boy."
"What do you think of me?" Anthonius asked suddenly.
"Hm?" I hummed, surprised at the question.
"You know, what do you think about me? Do you think I can be a soldier? Am I a good man?"
I thought for a moment, thinking of the best way to answer his question. I had not given him much thought, and so did not know how I should answer. I was also mildly surprised that such a pampered pup would take interest in my opinions. It might have been a cleverly devised verbal trap, but I decided to answer him.
"I believe that all men can learn to be a soldier," I said carefully. "However, it comes down to three things; endurance, perseverance, and responsibility. Being a soldier is more than just marching and earning titles for yourself, and it is more than fighting for the Empire."
Anthonius gasped, and I realized my mistake. "You do not like the Empire? The Rome our fathers and forefathers fought to build?"
"In truth," I answered, figuring I had nothing to lose by telling him the truth. "I do not really know anymore. There is a sense of loyalty to one's home of origin, but the loyalty we feel towards our comrades, towards our commanders, and towards our friends is much stronger at times. Take the General, for example. There are men here who would willingly follow him to the ends of the Earth, for the simple reason of fetching a stone."
"Would you?" Anthonius questioned curiously. "If you do not mind me asking."
That was a very good question, one that I was still not sure of. "I am not sure as of yet," I countered. "I have not been under his command long enough to know. But from what I have seen, I think he is a noble man, and very kind."
Anthonius whistled. "My father would never have said such a thing about a general. He says that generals are shifty and should not be trusted. He said that a lot of generals rebel against the Republic."
"Sometimes," I admitted. "And do you know why they do such things?"
"Because they are cruel, evil people who have a lust for power," Anthonius growled passionately. He then relented. "At least, that is what Father says."
I chuckled. "I mean the men. Do you know why the men follow these generals?"
"Because they trust them," Anthonius concluded. "They trust that he will protect them and give that what they need. Right?"
I nodded. "Precisely."
"But not all of these men are right to be loyal," Anthonius stated matter-of-factly. "Like those who followed under the General Sulla."
"From what I heard, he was a terrible man," I commented.
"Oh, he was." Agreed Anthonius. "Father said that he killed most of the Senate." He paused and sat himself up on his elbows. "Rufus," He asked, turning to look at me. I raised an eyebrow for him to continue, and he did. "Is it true that the General Octavius is the son of Julius Caesar?"
"It is," I said. "In a way. He is Caesar's adopted son. Or, his great nephew."
"Do you think the General will take the same path as Caesar did?" Anthonius asked curiously.
"He might," I answered.
"If he does, will you follow him?"
Deep down in my heart I knew the answer, but for now, I did not want it to be known. "Only time will tell for who I lend my loyalties," I spoke boldly and then gave a soft chuckle. "Let me guess; your father told you he would follow in Caesar's footsteps?"
Anthonius nodded and laughed. "How did you know?"
"It seems like a common pattern," I replied bluntly. Anthonius yawned, and I could not help but smiled at him. There was hope for him yet. "You should get some rest," I said gently. "You need to heal that throat of yours."
Anthonius nodded, and wriggled himself beneath his blanket and closed his eyes, like a young child preparing for a fitful night of sleep. I smiled again and stood.
Anthonius opened his eyes. "Where are you going?" He asked.
"To get you some tea for that throat," I answered. "I will not be long."
"Okay," Anthonius replied with a yawn, rolling over to face the wall.
I quietly opened the door and stepped outside, looking around before quickly making my way to the medical block. I reached the side door and tested it carefully. It was unlocked, and I slipped inside. I then froze.
"Rufus?" The General Octavius asked, looking surprised to see me out of my barracks. "What are you doing here?"
