A/N:Well, time for me to satirize yet another annoying thing on the website I love using most-roleplaying. Roleplaying used to be such an innocent activity, now it's just corrupted by stupidity and shallowness and anon hate. So here's my take on it! Today, Sasuke and Sakura investigate yet another harebrained scheme that good old Hizashi Hyuuga's been hatching up. When will he ever stop his ridiculous schemes? And the Queen of Hell is back once more, doing her insane shenanigans again.
Chapter 13 Mutual Hatred of All Mankind, The Insane and Perditious Horror of Hell! Queen Supercilious has dragged her friends from hell to meet our gang!
Queen Supercilious let out a great sigh as she sat on her bed, typing away on her devilish website. All her devotees had not been enough to save her from utter boredom. Why didn't anyone love her ridiculous ideas, her ridiculous hair color or her utterly awesome ridiculousness? She didn't know why.
All she knew was that this was not fair. She needed attention, she wanted it and she knew how to best sum it up.
She had found an excellent website run by a fair and admirable woman, the Reverend BS. BS was a most well-respected preacher for the rights of the devotees to cause as much chaos as possible-and their satanic counterparts, the antisocial jukebox warriors, who were devoted to smashing jukeboxes everywhere they went, denouncing people who walked around with music devices and calling for only radios and record players to be used!
She had asked the great one herself to tell her how exactly one went about deceiving a bunch of people, brainwashing more of them into a hive mind, and how to get rid of two children who kept on getting in her way, along with a group of Super Saiyans.
The response she got was a video.
"Hello there, children! It's time for rile preying time, where we find an innocent victim we can prey on to rile ourselves up about! The Reverend BS has got you all covered!" A lady with multicolored hair and huge glasses said as she danced onscreen with a dancing jutsu, holding a boombox up to her ears and playing a catastrophically loud song.
"Could you please put in headphones?" A man nearby said.
"You dare speak to me? You dare interrupt the holy sermon of music and the light of peace, gospel and truth itself? YOU HAVE TRIGGERED ME WITH YOUR WORDS! Listen to the music of peace, truth and justice!" BS started screaming a bunch of foul obscenities that not even this fanfic could protect the viewers from as she threw the boom box straight at the person's skull.
"I've seen reason! You jukebox warriors are right!"
Supercilious threw her head back, and laughed, unleashing a few Razor Leaves for good measure.
This plan was perfect.
Sasuke and Sakura would be dead meat. Along with her cowardly ass husband. Who knew where he'd gone-better yet, who cared.
Supercilious honestly cared only to be worshipped, praised, admired for the fifteen thousand diseases she had, the ten thousand pronouncements she made every day, and the fact that she not only was a Chikorita, but identified as a piece of green cabbage, an oak tree and several rare types of squirrels.
When her husband had pointed out how ridiculous this was, he had been attacked by her minions and then sent down to rehabiliation, which was a small cell that no one could enter unless they had the key and password necessary to break out of it.
So far, no one had guessed that the password was cinnamon pancakes with chocolate chip icing. She was so clever.
As she opened up her new devotee account and started writing more crap for the world to see, her devotees instantly praised her and showered her with love.
Elsewhere, the heroes were busy coping with yet another problem. Imaginary writing.
"I can't do it anymore, Sasuke!" Sakura moaned. "I'm tired of writing about dinosaurs and only getting myself to reply to myself!"
"Why would you do that?" Sasuke asked, looking at her as though she were insane. Which she was.
"My, my, are you two getting upset over Internet stuff again?" Izaya purred, sidling over to them.
"Get out of here," Shizuo growled, throwing something at Izaya, who dodged.
"Shizu-chan is pathetic. But not as pathetic as these people. This one person claimed to be me and said I'm a copycat." He shrugged his shoulders.
"...Dear lord, what the hell is that?" Sasuke remarked, pointing at a picture that showed Hizashi Hyuuga with his arms wrapped lovingly around a giant pickle.
'As of today, I declare it forbidden to ever criticize anyone's actions online or tell me I'm insane for marrying a pickle. Me and Dill have been dating for years now, but I just had to swing this issue ajar. Do not stop listening to me and my lovely book on Mary-chan!'
Sakura slammed her laptop.
"I've had enough of these idiots! We need to stop them!" She cried.
Sasuke shook his head. "What can we do about these morons except let them be stupid?"
The TV suddenly came to life by itself.
"THIS JUST IN, CRAZY FRINGE GROUP HAS DECIDED TO EXTRICATE ITSELF FROM KONOHA BECAUSE OF 'EVIL CISTERN NINJAS' AND FORM ITS OWN COUNTRY CALLED PERFECTVILLE. PERFECTVILLE CONTAINS NO FLAWS, NO BAD PEOPLE AND NO HARMFUL THINGS, ANYWHERE. THINGS LIKE DISEASES, GERMS, ALGAE, BLANKETS, BAD HUMOR, BAD TEETH AND BAD ODOR ARE TO BE LEFT OUTSIDE. DO NOT BRING PERSONAL BELONGINGS, DO NOT LET ANYONE WHO BELIEVES IN ALIENS IN-"
"Can I sign up?" Sakura exclaimed. "After the way Mom broke my window today, I don't think the group being there is such a bad thing."
"WE ALSO HATE DINOSAUR ARTISTS AND JUMP ROPE FANATICS. YOU ARE EVIL PEOPLE."
"What? My dinosaur art is awesome!" Sasuke cried.
"You're prehistoric," Shizuo remarked, "Don't these people have anything better to do?"
"Nope, they're sad idiots. I sent all of their computers viruses," Izaya purred. "Say goodbye to their little resistances."
Izaya turned to look at Sakura and Sasuke.
"Which brings me to a point. Don't you guys have school?"
"School was closed when the aliens landed and spread bubonic plague." Sakura said.
"That's not it!" Sasuke cried, "The school closed once your mother went inside and vandalized everything, along with Ino's mom and all the crazy Hizashi Hyuga fans and devotees combined! They've culminated in the destruction of all mankind!"
"WHICH I HELPED CREATE!"
They all turned around in time to see Queen Supercilious, surrounded by Fatuus and some other lackeys, walking in their front door.
"I'm here to make it so every person on earth will become a beautiful devotee or antisocial jukebox warrior. Give us your computers and ipads, and we will modernize you. Join or else you die." She hissed.
Suddenly, she fell, having been shot in the chest with a silver bullet.
"Silver bullet oughta do the trick on you filthy demons," A new voice said as a man stepped out from behind them, carrying a gun in his hands, dressed in a nice suit and tie. He had dark brown hair that was sticking up slightly.
"I've got the salt." The second beside him said, holding a book in his hands and some water in a bottle.
"Who are you?" Supercilious demanded.
"Who dares assault our queen!" Fatuus complained, but couldn't go any further before the water hit him and made him start to steam up.
"Quiet, demons. We're the ones doing the talking here. Now stop your selfish and destructive actions. Your antics have gone by unnoticed for too long. I'm Dean and this is my brother, Sam. We're here to vanquish you. Sam, get that spell ready for devotees."
Sam turned in the pages and started reading Latin phrases, instantly a great wind appeared and sucked up more of the demons.
"No, my precious devotees!" Queen Supercilious screamed.
"Look, princess, the world is tough, but no one cares. Pull yourself up and stop complaining about everything. Everyone has it rough." Dean said sharply, tossing some salt on her.
She screamed and started to fall into the ground.
"You'll pay for this, Sasuke, Sakura, and your pathetic friends! I swear you will!"
With that, the antisocial jukebox warriors were gone, having been vanquished.
"Thank you, you saved our lives," Sakura muttered.
"No problem. We save innocents wherever we can," Dean said, smiling before heading back to his Chevy Impala. "We've just got to go back to the road and find others afflicted with this disease and eradicate it."
So they bade farewell to their new friends.
The world was safe once more from the insanity of Konoha's craziest residents.
