Author's Note: This chapter took me a while to write, mainly because it delves deeper into Scott's past and... No, I won't go into that, just read it for yourself. I'm not too happy about the ending, I feel that it could've been more to the point somehow. But I AM happy with the underlying story that's told and how the relations with other characters develop. Anyway, I'm off to write the next chapter, when we return to the villain we love to hate, Victor Creed! And we'll get to read more about a certain event in Victor's past. What does he have in store for us? Wait and find out after you've read "Hurt". Enjoy!


Hurt

"Come on, drink all of it, it'll help you recover your strength even quicker. It's one of my own brews that, I'm sad to say, is specifically tailored for people in your situation."

Scott drank the rest of the bitter-tasting fluid. Is he serious?

"You mean to say this is not the first time someone got mind-punched into seeing strange visions of the future by a telepath he just met?"

This sarcastic question evoked a hearty laugh from Hank.

"Oh, you hit the nail right on the head with that one! Hehehe, no, of course something like this has never happened before. But I do know a thing or two about the chemical imbalance one gets to endure after being subjected to such an invasive, telepathic... eh... procedure. Though you could hardly call it that, since Jean obviously didn't intend for this to happen. At least, that's what Charles says and I'm inclined to agree with him."

It was still strange for Scott to hear someone who looked like an ape with blue fur talk with such eloquence and at the same time have such a great sense of humor. You must have a big sense of humor if you are to accept in some part that you look like that, I guess. Suddenly Scott felt foolish about all the petty feelings he'd felt during the last couple of days. No, during the last couple of months. Here I am, looking all but normal and constantly feeling sorry for myself, sitting next to someone who could well be the greatest scientist of our time, but is confined to a place such a this because of the way he looks. Because of an appearance he didn't get to choose.

"Eh... Doctor McCoy?"

Scott's serious tone of voice caused Hank to look at him. The smile on the other mutant's face disappeared instantly.

"Yes? And please, call me Hank. Doctor McCoy sounds too... Clinical."

"I think... I think I owe you an apology. I think I owe everyone here an apology."

"Now, why would you say such a thing? Surely you've done nothing wrong since you were brought here?"

Something in Hank's words made Scott feel even more sorry. He knows. He won't say it, but he knows. He continued.

"I... I haven't been as... Nice... As I could have been to people. Especially to the professor. Even though I still don't like the way he acted when I got here. It was wrong of me to go all-out on him like I did. Also, I didn't even give people a chance to get to know me. Well, except for Emma and Sean of course, but that's... Different. I kinda knew them already. And the fight... Somehow, I'd been asking for something like that to happen. So I could... So I could use my powers. I could use my powers... For... To..."

To what? To make amends? To right the wrongs? To do what, exactly? Hank, who'd been standing next to Scott's bed, pulled up a chair. Before Scott could continue, Hank finished his sentence.

"So you could use your powers to see if something right could come of them. To see if you could control them. To further increase your guilt, because then you'd have all the more reason to hate yourself. Something happened that you didn't have any control over and by trying to see if you could control those powers now, you wanted to hate yourself even more. But for what, Scott? What could be so awful, so horrifically wrong that you try to hate yourself even more instead of telling yourself that it wasn't your fault?"

Scott felt the words rising in his throat. This time he knew he wouldn't be able to stop them. But I don't want to tell! I don't want others to know what I did! Please don't... Listen to me! Please STOP!

"It was my parents, okay? I did something horrible to my parents and now I'll never see them again! That's why I was in a foster home, that's why I didn't say anything when I heard about the whole parents-coming-to-the-school-thing! I was sitting at the breakfast table and my eyes hurt and my mom asked what was wrong and I... I... Fuck this! I shot her! I SHOT HER! I hit her with my eye-laser or whatever the hell you call it and it smashed her THROUGH THE WINDOW! I closed my eyes, but it was too late. My father... He came running down, looked at the scene and didn't understand it. I can only imagine what he must've thought... A broken window, me holding my head in my hands, rocking back and forth. He knew I'd done something wrong, but he didn't know what. So he came over and asked me what had happened. I just shook my head... I told him to go away, leave me alone. But he didn't. He didn't and suddenly he forced me to look at him and I opened my eyes and... Nothing happened! The relief I felt... I can't describe it. I started crying and my father was still clueless. He just held me... He just held me. That's the last time in a long time I felt safe. After a while he started talking, asking me to explain everything, asking where my mother was. At that moment I didn't know if she even was alive or not... I got scared, Hank! What if she were lying outside, dying? So I looked up, opened my eyes and wanted to tell him about it, when... When..."

At that moment Scott choked. The stream of words stopped. Tears streamed down his face and he shook all over his body. Dad... Dad! I didn't mean to, I love you, I didn't want to! The look in his father's eyes in the moment before Scott's beam had hit him still haunted him. For just a second, before the hurt sank in, his father had looked at him with unconditional love. And I betrayed that love... Scott felt Hank grasp his shoulder and squeeze it gently. Even though the hurt stayed, that small gesture of human companionship drove away the shivers.

"Scott? Scott, please... Let me hear your story. Let me help you judge what happened. The grief you carry with you... It'll consume you if you don't come to terms with it somehow. My words may sound hollow to you now, but there'll come a day when you'll thank me for saying them. Tell me. Tell me what happened to your father, Scott."

Scott took a deep breath. His own words lingered in his mind. I wanted to tell him about it, when... When... He's right. I know he's right, but it's... Oh god, how can something that's in your mind hurt you so much?

"I looked at him... I opened my mouth to tell him... And it came again. Without warning. My eyes didn't even burn that time! My power slammed my father into the wall. He crumpled to the ground. The wall... I could see the outlines his body had made. And the sound... Have you ever heard bone breaking, doctor- Hank, I mean. Do you know that sound? It's... indescribable. It's awful. It's..."

Again Scott choked. He almost took off his glasses just to wipe away the flood of tears. I can't even do that! I can't... Why? WHY?

"Why did it happen, Hank? Why did I do that? Why did I get this way? No one in my family is a mutant! No one! So why am I? Why, Hank? WHY DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME?"

Hank put his arms around Scott as he started to cry. The sorrow, the hurt, the anger, the confusion, everything poured out of him. Hank just held onto him, while he blurted out everything that had been haunting him for the past months.

"I g-got headaches... A-and they duh-didn't know w-what it was... M-my parents... The-they sent me to the hospital, got m-me tested... B-but they didn't know. They d-didn't know what was wrong with me!"

Scott's body shook as he gulped down air. The pain had been so bad. But now that he was finally talking about it, he felt relieved. He's right... He's right! I have to tell someone, have to keep talking... And who else do I have left? Who else can I burden with... this? So Scott kept talking.

"A-after a while... The aches s-started to center a-around my eyes... They b-burned. They b-burned all the time. S-so they took me... You see, they thought it was my eyes. That I couldn't see w-well. But I could! They w-wouldn't listen... The d-doctor, he thought... It h-had something to do with m-my eyes being sensitive to certain light."

By now Scott started to calm down again. His shaking had subsided quite a bit while he was telling his story. He sat up straight and looked at Hank. To his surprise the blue-furred mutant had tears in his eyes too. Scott opened his mouth to continue, but Hank beat him to it.

"I... Scott, I don't know if it helps, but let me tell you this. It's not so much a question of 'why', but rather of 'how'. As clinical as that may sound, you being a mutant is not some punishment by a deity that does or does not exist. It is in your genes and for some reason your particular combination of genes gave you powers that are beyond those of most of the human population. But, forgive the expression, do not lose sight of everything that you have. And everything that you gained."

Hank's words struck a chord with Scott. He carefully wiped away most of his tears from underneath his glasses. What's that? What's he saying?

"Wh-what do you m-mean? E-everything that I... gained?"

Hank smiled.

"Scott, dear boy, have you looked at me? I mean, really looked at me? Not as the man you've come to know as a professor, as a friend perhaps, but as the man who doesn't look like a man anymore? What you're feeling, what you're going through... I've been there. In some ways, I'm still there... I can't go out in public without people staring at me, whispering about me. Sometimes they just scream when they see me. I... I had a rough time coming to terms with what I am, Scott. A very rough time. But that doesn't mean I'm trying to belittle your experiences. The point is, I get it. I get your questions. I get your feelings. But what I don't get, is why you've kept all the other things inside you for so long. Especially... Especially since you're not to blame."

Scot wanted to protest, say that it was his fault, that it was his eyes that did it, but again Hank beat him to it.

"I won't hear you say that again, understood? Mutants gain their powers during their puberty, a time of immense emotions, triggered by hormones that rage through their bodies. When powers manifest, they are instable at first. They are tied to our most basic emotions. Over time we learn to control them. Mostly. But they're still influenced by how we feel. When your powers began to surface... You simply had no hold over them. They just 'switched on'. And that led to you inadvertantly hurting your parents. It was an unfortunate event, a random set of circumstances that was beyond your control. And you cannot go around blaming yourself for that! Besides... You're feeling sorry for it, aren't you? You don't get any satifaction from it. You beat yourself up over it every night. You see their faces every time you close your eyes. That alone proves you're not evil, that you're not a freak, that you don't want to use your powers unless you have to. That you, in fact, shy away from using them. So now, my young friend, you have a choice."

Hank stood up. When he looked at Scott, he didn't smile anymore. Instead, his eyes seemed to look right into Scott's soul. What does he mean? I have a choice? A choice to do what?

"Yes, Scott, I mean it. You have a choice. So let me ask you this: Are you going to let this haunt you for the rest of your life? Are you going to keep on feeling miserable about it? Or will you try to make amends? Will you use the power you have to try and make a difference? So that one day, when your parents will wake up, they'll see what their son has done? See that he's made them proud, that he didn't let them down?"

For the first time since the accident, Scott felt a glimmer of hope, a way to redeem himself. Yes, my parents... What would they say if they saw me like this? To his astonishment he realized that he hadn't even thought about his parents in any other way than as mere victims. I haven't thought about them as parents at all. All he ever saw when he closed his eyes, were the empty faces of both his mom and dad after his beam had hit them. They'd been devoid of any emotion, just shells, no longer the people he'd known for all his life. Now he focused on them, really tried to remember their voices, how they looked before. He couldn't. I... I can't remember? I can't even remember them? How... Why?

Hank stood near the bed, resting one hand on Scott's right shoulder. He'd been watching the young mutant as his words sunk in. At first Scott's face had lightened up a little, but now it looked the same as before. Maybe even darker.

"Scott? What's wrong?"

"I can't... I can't remember them! I don't know... I can't hear their voices, I can't see their faces! All I can see is how they looked, how all but died, how... They were empty. They weren't my mom and dad anymore! Just puppets... Crumpled-up puppets, tossed aside. And I crumpled them. I crumpled them, Hank! Even if I didn't mean to, even if I didn't want to, I DID IT! It was me and only me..."

For a moment Scott felt as if his feelings would overwhelm him again. No! I'm past that. It's time for change, time to face my fears.

"But I have to live with that. Even if I can't remember their faces, their voices, I have to make the right choice. You were right about that, Hank. All it took was for me to realize how the world works. Shit happens and sometimes there's not a thing you can do about it. I think... I think after all this time, it's time for me to go home. To visit my old house. It's time to face what happened there, not just run away from it. My parents... They wouldn't be proud of me, of what I've done, of the things I've felt and thought and said ever since that moment. It's time to show them what I'm made of! And who knows... I might even be able to visit them again..."

"Unfortunately, my boy, that will have to wait until you're feeling better. Physically, at least. I think you're mind is starting to heal. I wonder if that red-headed girl did something to you while the two of you were psychically... engaged."

Scott looked up to see Eric Lenhsherr standing in the doorway with half a smile on his face. How long has he been standing there?

"Don't look at me like that, dear boy. I entered the room just now and decided to wait until you were done saying whatever it was you wanted to get off your chest. And from what I heard you and Hank had a very helpful conversation. I do hope that what I said to you earlier helped bring about this change of heart in some small way. But that's not what I came here for, as you might have imagined."

Hank looked at Eric with a raised eyebrow, but said nothing. Scott looked at both men with a sinking feeling in his stomach. I don't like Lenhsherr's smile. I don't like the look on Hank's face. And what Lenhsherr just said doesn't sound good. Not good at all.

"Charles asked me to check up on you, because he wanted to ask you something. But, seeing as he is otherwise engaged, he asked me to ask you instead. When he's done with his... work, he'd like to take a look inside your mind. With your permission, of course. Charles is a bit worried about possible lasting effects from what happened to you in the hallway. And perhaps it would be beneficial to you too, to help you make sense of what you allegedly saw."

Look around... In my mind? Scott's first reaction was to refuse outright, but then it dawned on him what Lenhsherr had said. Allegedly? ALLEGEDLY?

"What I saw was real, as real as you, me and Hank, standing here, talking about it! Don't you EVER question me like that again, or I swear I'll-"

He stopped himself, realizing what he was saying, what he was doing. I'm threatening him? I'm threatening him after I saw what he can do? When he looked at Eric, he saw that the man hadn't flinched, hadn't een moved a muscle. Instead, his smile had widened. He turned towards Hank and saw that he was smiling too.

"Well, doctor McCoy, it seems both your special drink and your charms have pulled mister Summers out of his self-imposed misery at last. My work here is done, I think, so I'll go and see if Charles has made any progress with our mysterious-"

Lehnsherr's smile faded as soon as those last words left his mouth. His face hardened as he realized he'd said too much. Scott's mind raced as he processed this new information. HE is down here too? My god, they're holding him in the infirmary? And what did he say before... The professor is 'working' on him. Doing what? Probing his mind? Is that the same thing he wants to do to me? And they're holding him... Holding him HERE? Why?

"Now, Scott, don't do anything rash, the professor has everything under control."

Hank tried to smooth things over, but Scott had already made a decision.

"Please, Hank, don't. Don't tell me what to do or to feel, I think we're far past that, don't you? I won't go running off trying to kill him, although he probably deserves nothing less from what I've heard. But no, I just... I want to see him. And the professor. And then I'll decide. Then I'll choose."

Both men were silent. Scott noticed the looks they exchanged, but kept quiet. Then, without warning, Hank sighed.

"Alright. Eric will take you there. I have to go and tend to my other patients. Just remember what we talked about, will you? And if you want someone to talk to again, seek me out. Eric? Tell Charles I'll want to see him when he's done. I have something to discuss with him."

"Of course. Now, Scott, if you'll just follow me? And keep quiet when we enter the room. When Charles is ready, he'll let you know."

Oh, I'll be quiet, alright, Scott thought as he stood up. To his suprise he didn't even feel dizzy. Well, at least that special brew works as good as Hank said. He followed Eric into the hallway, until they came at a door, not unlike the others. Well, here goes. The door opened and they stepped inside.