Först November –
I've decided. The best thing for me to do about knowing that Mathias and Lukas are together is to just… forget about it. It has nothing to do with me… and they both deserve to be happy. Saying that, I guess now I've admitted to myself I have feelings for Lukas, that's all I should want. For him to be happy. Besides, I already had suspected something going on between them. I think it was just the confirmation of my suspicions that hurt the most.
It's four days until bonfire night. That's one of my favourite holidays, or at least it was. I wonder if they'll have some kind of celebration for it here? They have to at least let off a couple of fireworks for us, right? Even if they don't, I suppose I can watch the fireworks other people are letting off from the dorm window.
I know Allistor is also looking forward to the fifth. I heard him say to Arthur last night that he'd bought a pack of fireworks and that he and his friend Gilbert (that's Ludwig's big brother) were going to set them off in one of the tennis courts. Then I heard Arthur tell him he was an idiot and Dylan agreeing, which he just laughed at.
I wish I could be more like Allistor. He just doesn't seem to care what people think of him, but that's what makes me worry sometimes. I always feel like he's pretending to be oblivious, and one day he'll just snap – like he does when he's especially angry. I've already discovered that some people aren't as happy as they seem.
They always say the quieter you become, the more you hear. But what do I know?
Andra November –
Here's a note from Lukas I got today, it's made me think quite a lot. It's the first note I've had from him in a few days.
We're all - Emil, myself, Mathias and Tino, going to a bonfire on the fifth. We've checked it with matron. Tino and I wondered if you would like to join us. I hope you do - we had such a great time the last time you came out with us.
I'm glad I hadn't offended you - as I said before, I was worried. But now I see you're smiling a little more again.
I don't think I can write anymore today.
